UPN - Thursday!

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: Vince gulped. You know what's cool about all these highlights, though? For the most part, they're in and around that ring.

Opening Credits - close captioned logo

MY, MY, PYRO - Who can stop the Two Man Power Trip? Tonight, transmitido en espanol from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, IN 3.5.1 on UPN and the Score (taped 1.5) THIS is WWF SmackDown!

THIS month, we're gonna waste no time announcing those PPV matches - graphics say: Chyna puts it on the line against Lita! Also, Austin defends his WWF title against...the Undertaker!

Speaking of TAKER, here he comes with a chain in his hand. Why is he walking? Perhaps this "exclusive" footage from Monday night *after* RAW will help explain - looks like Austin kicked over the Rude American, then took his chair to it - so after all of us going on about not messing with the bike on Monday, he went ahead and done it. Looks like the Dead Man is set to address the audience, you, and me... "Well the news has come down from the big office - the Dead Man gets a title shot at Judgment Day. And that's all well and good, becuase I'd be damn proud to take the title from ol' Stone Cold. But you see, Judgment Day is still a couple weeks away, and I'm just a little bit more concerned about what's gonna happen tonight. I'm concerned about takin' back the yard, and I'm concerned...with some payback. Monday night, my brother (Kane) and I - we got beat down. And I will be damned if I'm gonna get beat down by some tough-guy wannabe (Triple H) - and some bald joker than runs around in daisy dukes. Now I warned those boys - don't mess with me, don't mess with my family. They didn't listen - so tonight, let's let the pain and suffering begin. Tonight, I'm'o make them boys famous. Now Monday night, they broke Kane's arm. Hey, Kane ain't sweatin' that. You see, when Kane, Kane was just a little boy, he lost half his face in a far. He ain't sweatin' no broke arm! But I'll tell you this - Triple H and Austin will have to deal with Kane somewhere down the line. But tonight...they gotta deal with the Dead Man. And boys, just so you know, that far that burnt up Kane's face as a child...I lit it. So I want you to think about this - if I'd do that to my own brother, can you imagine what I'm gon' to do YOU? In fact, I'm ready to find out, so Triple H, Austin, why don't you bring your sorry (beep) down here - and let's do this thing!" Nobody answers the challenge. "Somebody better get down here!" Well, it's BILLIONAIRE VINCE. "Oh - Undertaker! I'm so sorry to hear about your brother (Kane). And I'm sure that - well, lemme ask ya... ["ass hole!"] Hey Taker - did Kane get Stone Cold's sympathy card? The get well card? Did he get it yet? Probably not, because Stone Cold idn't gonna send one. And personally speaking, I'm happy that your brother has been put on the shelf, 'cause quite frankly, I was tired and everybody else was tired of his red-haired antics out in the ring. So now, so now you're all by yourself. Who the hell do you think you are? Oh you're a real American Bad(beep) - look at you, you walk to the ring and you bring a WEAPON with ya. And then you call out Stone Cold, you call out Triple H, who the hell are you to call anybody out. You've got your title match at Judgment Day, but that's not enough for ya? That's good - because right there In That Very Ring tonight...you're gonna be facing someone, and by the way, the list is a mile long - you're gonna be facing someone who has a big score to settle with you, pal. You see, this is not about what you want - this is about what Mr. McMahon wants. And what I want is, until you come to the ring and face my opponent tonight, I want you to get your dead (beep) out of MY ring." "Hey Vince...if you want me out of this ring, why don't you come take me out of it? Let me remind you - my name is the Undertaker and what I don't get, I take." "Rollin'" plays once again - he ain't leavin?

TONIGHT: Triple H puts HIS title on the line against former champeen Jeff Hardy!

Marilyn Manson's "The Fight Song" is my cue to bring the FUHFUHWID

Jakks Pacific Hardcore Ring and finishing moves action figures. Am I the only guy to have figured out that that one figure is Scotty 2 Hotty and not Diamond Dallas Page?

And now, Lorillard presents the Whack of the Night - from RAW, Triple H powerbombs Test through the commentary table

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & "WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover & Heat hype) v. JEFF HARDY (with Matt Hardy & Lita) - after a long-ass entrance by Triple H (aka Triple H: curtain jerker), we are surprised by an entrace by STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN...who takes third headset. Lockup, to the corner, Hardy ducks the swing and runs back out. Lockup, to the corner we go - knee by H, knee, knee, right hand, right. Right hand...we look at Austin - to the opposite corner, H trying to scoop him up as he comes out but he goes over the back, Hardy with a right, right, off the ropes, H ducks, Hardy with a crossbody for 1. Hardy off the ropes, dropkick. H in the corner, Hardy with four rights, climbing to the second rope for a Ten Punch Count Along..but H shoves him off after two. H back in control - head to the buckle - leg draped over the second rope - and H works on kicking the quad. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda having trouble getting the action out of the corner. H drives Hardy's knee into the mat. Leg on the bottom rope - big elbowdrop to the knee. Hardy is working on a Savage limp - H grabs the leg - elbowdrop across the knee. H takes the leg again - THIS time Hardy drops down with a mule kick! Both men are down and Matt and Lita are bringing the crowd to life - and Jeff is getting the upper hand, laying rights into Triple H - but our attention shifts to TAKER, having come out through the crowd and laying into Austni with his chain. Austin SPRINTS away and up the aisle. Taker slowly goes after him. H ends up watching this - making him easy pickings for a dropkick to the booty, out of the ring! Hardy is ready for a pescado, but H wakes up and moves out of the way. Rolled back in the ring - quick Pedigree - 1, 2, 3. (3:31) H immediately takes off to find Austin - first reminding somebody to come back with his belts later.

Backstage, Taker is WALKING! - err, "on the prowl for Austin." Austin is actually laying in wait, and the ambush is successful - rights by Austin, soupbones by Taker - Taker in control....WHOA! Austin was just put *through a window*! SECURITY arrives just a bit too late to stop *that* carnage...and this looks a good time for a "break" of a different kind - chortle chortle - oh, the wit just FLOWS through me sometimes

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"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" CD ad

"Don't Try This At Home" PSA

Moments Ago, chain choke, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - later, an ambush went awry.

Coming back, Austin complains to the trainer that there's something in his left eye - a hospital trip is in order, and Vince yells for an ambulance

X-PAC (with Justin Credible & Justin Otherguy & RC presents Judgment Day!) v. CAW CAW CAW (with wwf.com logo) - Lockup, no, it's a kick by 'Pac, right, right, kick, right, right, right, stopping to complain to referee "Blind" Teddy Long's attempt to enforce the rules - there's Raven's opening - block, right, right, 'Pac to the eyes - into the corner is reversed, Raven off the roeps with a clothesline. Another clothesline. Clothesline puts 'Pac outside. Let's all take a break. Okay, 'Pac back on the apron - shoulder to Raven - coming in - spin kick ducked, Raven with a right. Going for the DDT but he releases it when he sees Credible on the apron - then runs back into the spin kick. 'Pac with a pose - and a choke. Now putting on the headlock. Raven fighting his way back up - takeover - but X-Pac puts him down with a clothesline for 2. X-Pac to the old school side headlock - Raven powers out, no he doesn't - X-Pac holds onto it. Raven to his feet again - rib shot, again, powering out - but off the ropes X-Pac clamps on the sleeper! Who will Undertaker's opponent be? Raven is fading fast...Long needs to go to the hand. Arm falls once...arm falls twice...arm doesn't fall thrice. Raven back to his feet - elboe, elboe, elboe to break it, elbow, off the ropes...into a spinning heel kick from X-Pac. 1, 2, NO! Raven put in the corner - X-Pac steps on the neck for a bit to set up the broncobuster - ouch, nobody's home! Raven with a right, right, off the ropes with a BIG right - he's a house on fire - what a kneelift - into the corner, followup lariat - there's the bulldog - free shot for Albert on the apron, but 'Pac manages to go to the eyes when he turns back - sent into the corner - BIG spear by X-Pac in the corner - NOW he'll hit that broncobuster. 'Pac *daring* him to get back up - gutshot, setting up for the X Factor - NO! Raven surprises him with the DDT - 1, 2, 3!! X-Pac jobs! Call your mom! (4:42) No time for celebration as Credible and Albert hit the ring - yaah clothesline - Baldobomb in full effect. Play that Unckle Kraxer song again.

The EMT's have Austin on a stretcher...we follow them as they roll Austin down the hallways and outside to the waiting ambulance. Austin is *still* busting out "My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin" and I love it. Austin tells them to step off and Triple H says he'll ride along with Austin instead of the EMT's. They signal to the driver to leave...and Undertaker pops up from the driver's seat. "HELLO, BOYS!" Taker unleashes soupbones on Triple H, Vince is shoved away, then he punches Austin *right* in the injured eye! Vince is reduced to yelling for security...who again arrive just after the major carnage is unleashed. H rolls the gurney back into the ambulance and *finally* they get the ambulance underway. Looks like SOMEBODY watched their old RAW tapes! (Who, the Undertaker or the writers?) Depends how "inside" you want me to be, I guess

Mick Foley eats canned pasta!

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

HEY! "7 Days" is back! Maybe this time I'll actually remember to WATCH it

"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad #2

Moments Ago, Austin probably wishes he'd never commandeered an ambulance back in the day - who would have known the Undertaker was a student of history? Man, this was a great segment.

Coming back to real-time, Debra arrives - even later than Security!

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Here's a Special Video Look at the brewing brouhaha betwixt Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit - a developing situation made more intense when Benoit (1) dumped Angle on his head and (2) stole his medals.

Kurt Angle is WALKING! He is still looking for Benoit - he stops and tells "Make Up Person" that if she sees Benoit, to find him - even if it's during his upcoming match...

Meanwhile, Vince and Stephanie chat about this and that - Debra comes in and asks why nobody will tell her where Steve is - Vince tells her he's been taken to the hospital and it's all Undertaker's fault. Stephanie decides to be less tactful than Vince and just blurt out everything that happened. Vince says he'll get Debra a ride to the hospital...but perhaps she'd like to go hear about it from the Undertaker first. Debra says, you know, she just might want to go do that very thing.

This month's WWF Fanatic Series presentation is the three-hour "Best of WrestleMania 1-17!"

Here's Kane on a scooter for Stacker 2!

And here's Kane in the Express Lane for Stacker 2!

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Coming up on the UPN 9 news, the REAL story behind the Katfight - and why Jerry Lawler had to walk away! OOH! Plus the Rock acts! And WWOR gives away some Uniondale RAW tix!

Here's a Special Video Look at the "Mummy Returns" premiere - which I believe I also ignored on Monday - did Rock really refer to the character of the Scorpion King as "nonlinear?" What does that even MEAN?

"The Mummy Returns" opens TOMORROW!

Debra catches up to Undertaker and the TV-PG-DLV ratings box. Taker says it's got nothing to do with wives - it's between him and Austin. Oh yeah? And Debra slaps him one. OOOH! "You know, Debra - you hit just like your old man - why don't you go tell him I said so."

KING KURT ANGLE (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) v. KOOL MOE DEE (with a glass of milk) - "Hey Kurt, I got one simple question for you...(sip)...that's pretty good...got medals?" We are quickly reminded that it was back in July when Angle broke Holly's arm with the Anglesault. Brief discussion in the middle of the ring - now we get to fightin' - right by Angle, right by Holly, Angle, Holly, Angle, Holly, Holly, Holly, into the ropes, back elbow by Holly. INto the ropes again - big powerslam. 1, kickout at 2. Into the corner is reversed, but Holly aniticipates the bulldog and clotheslines Angle. Double underhook slam. 1, 2, Angle kicks out. Right by Holly, right, into the roeps, but Angle reverses into a hot shot. "Angle sux!" Kick, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp - but CHRIS BENOIT's music hits and out he comes displaying the medals. Angle immediately looks to Benoit - making him an easy target for a dropkick in the back. German suplex - but only 2 for Holly! Holly going up top - but Angle pops up, sprints over and hits a top-rope armdrag (wow!). Angle hooks the leg - 1, 2, no. Angle throws Holly through the ropes and starts out after Benoit. Again, Holly lands a big blow from behind. Forearm. Whip into the STEEL steps. Benoit is content to pantomime an "oh, are these yours?" while Holly chops away on Angle on the outside. Back in for the best crotchkick in the business - or maybe it was just lower abdomen, since referee "Blind" Earl Hebner doesn't ring the bell. (Wow, when have we seen Hebner this early in the show?) Kick. Into the opposite corner, but Angle gets the boot up - clothesline out. Angle mounts Holly for punches - but keeps looking back to Benoit. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop - another 2 for Angle...and another look up at Benoit. Going for a death suplex but Holly flips back and lands on his feet (sorta) - gutshot, side headlock - Hollycaust - 1, 2, Angle kicks out! I guess nobody told Angle that was his move. Into the ropes, Angle reverses, Holly slides under and trips him up - what the heck is that? Holly figure four's the legs and pulls them through his own legs...Angle can only grab the ropes. Holly puts Angle into the ropes, reversal, waistlock by Holly, Angle rolls under and grabs the ankle - but as he cinches in the anglelock, Benoit starts on the mic. "Angle - Angle - Kurt Angle! I understand you're lookin' for your gold medals? You wanna knwo where you'll find them?" And he puts them around his neck. "Right around my neck." Wait a minute...I just said that. Anyway, Holly sneaks up from behind once again, folding him up with a schoolboy - 1, 2, 3!! (5:23) Angle looks up - and Benoit is gone.

Jonathan Coachman has been dispatched to the "medical facility" - he'll update us on Austin's condition - NEXT!

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Commentators hype "Chains of Love"

JONATHAN COACHMAN says we're still awaiting some sort of word - Triple H walks by and Coach asks for a comment. "You want an update on Austin? You want an update, you leech? You little parasite? What, you wanna come down here and make a living off people's misery? You want me to tell you about how his eye is hanging out of his head? How the man might never see again - blood is pouring out of his eye? He might never see again. Does that make you happy? Do you make a buck off that? You're a parasite - you're a piece of crap. Get outta my face." He starts to walk off...and returns. "I'll tell you what. Undertaker says he's the Dead Man? After tonight, he might be a dead man." Somebody walks over and asks Triple H to keep it down - he's disturbing the patients. He doesn't want to call the police. H suggests he call ALL the police - bring 'em all down.

BILLIONAIRE VINCE & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT walk hand-in-hand to the ring - didn't we HAVE this segment already? "My God, what is the matter with you people? This is humanity? Last Sunday at Backlash, Kane kicks up that huge boot and strikes my daughter in the face and you cheer? If she wasn't wearing heavy makeup, you could still see the bruises tonight on this angelic face. ["Slut!"] Earlier Tonight, the Undertaker throws Austin through a plate glass window and you CHEER? What the hell's the matter with you people? Where are your values, where are your morals? Your sense of responsibility and duty? Undertaker attacks Austin in an ambulance and you CHEER? Well let me tell you this, you won't be cheering for long. Because when the Undertaker, tonight, faces my hand-picked opponent - no, you're not going to be cheering at all. You see, this is an opponent who has a grudge with the Undertaker - listen up!" What Vince doesn't see is WHY the crowd is cheering - TAKER has emerged on the stage. "That's far enough - I said, I said that's far enough!" Still he walks. "Hey listen...you better stop, and stop right there. This is not your yard - this is my ring, dammit." Through the ropes. "I don't know what you're intentions are because this is not the time for you to take on my opponent of choosing. You think you're so big, you think you're so bad, let me remind you of one thing - I'm Vince McMahon, dammit!" Soupbone puts Vince down. Stephanie stands over her fallen father - and now, Taker does too. Taken turns to Stephanie...and says "When Daddy wakes up, tell him the Undertaker took back his yard." ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN'

"The Mummy Returns" ad

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RAW is WAR returns to Madison Square Garden on 25 June! Tix go on sale SATURDAY and if King of the Ring sold out in 4.5 hours, imagine how quickly they'll sell out for the next night's RAW! (Not as?)

"Foley is Good" is on sale starting TUESDAY! My God, I'll bet you didn't think there were ENOUGH WWF items to spend your money on, wot?

Moments Ago, I'm Vince McMahon, Dammit was laid out with one punch. Then, Taker gave Stephanie a message for her father.

Vince applies ice to his jaw and wonders if it's broken. Taker will pay, big time, once he finds out who his opponent is...

EDGE & CHRISTIAN & RHYNO (with "MTV Diary: The Rock" hype) v. MATT HARDY (with Lita) and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) in a handicap match - due to Jericho's actions against Regal, this match has been booked as a result - Regal is off in the UK, by the way, but he did ban Jeff from ringside before he left. Jericho and Christian start. Kick by Christian, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, duck, Jericho with the flying jalapeno - clothesline, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Jericho gets the elbow up to stop the charge - second rope dropkick, spinning heel kick for Rhyno as HE comes in - tag to Hardy, drop toehold on Christian for Matt's elbowdrop - here comes Edge, HE gets a double right. Christian in the corner, follow lariat...but Rhyno gets an apron clothesline on Hardy to turn it around. Edge gets the tag. Hard into the corner - Edge rams his head into the buckle two more times. Punches are exchanged, Edge with a stomp - picking him up for a right hand down. Tag to Rhyno, whipped into the corner, Edge whips Rhyno into a spear on Hardy - leg is hooked - Hardy out at 2. Right hand by Rhyno, Hardy with a right, Rhyno with a right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, off the ropes, running boot to the head. Tag to Christian - open shot - head to the buckle, right, Hardy right, right, sitout clothesline and both men are down. Can Hardy make the tag? Lita thinks so - tag to Jericho, but referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas was busy trying to keep Edge & Rhyno out of the ring, and missed it. Christian runs Matt into his corner and a tripleteam ensues. Edge staying on him - stomp, stomp, nice standing dropkick gets 2. Tag to Christian - open shot. Crowd chants "Y2J." Christian with a side headlock takeover and going to the headlock. Hardy trying to free himself - gutshot, elbow, elbow, running free but Christian has a handful of hair and pull shim bakc - forearm, forearm, slop drop backbreaker gets 2 - Jericho saves. Tag to Rhyno - into the corner, right, into the opposite corner, nobody home on the avalanche. Can Hardy make the tag - no, Rhyno pulls him back by the hair and pounds away on him. Somehow, Hardy manages a counter into the Slop Drop and both men are down. Cole's almost completely lost his voice by now. Hardy reaching - MAKES the tag! Jericho ducks Edge's clothesline (Edge got the tag) and puts Christian on the floor - clothesline for Christian, bulldog, Lionsault (almost COMPLETLY wiping himself out on the ropes, then on the nonexistant bounce) - 1, 2, Christian breaks it up! Into the ropes, Jericho ducks but Rhyno pulls him out under the ropes - Hardy with a surprise top-rope clothesline on Edge in the ring...but he looks up to see EDDIE GUERRERO bounding out to ringside. Edge with a spear on the distracted Hardy...only, Korderas is busy dealing with Lita, who is up on the apron. Guerrero gives the thumbs up to Edge - then hot shots him on the ropes! Hardy with the Twist of Fate - 1, 2, 3! (6:29) Umm....what the heck? Even Tazz asks "What's Eddie Guerrero's agenda?" We can only assume the European championship might have something to do with it...

Steve Austin is back - and he's WALKING! His left eye is covered in bandages and he's pretty damn angry...

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I don't know what a Gundam is, but I've finally decided that all the people in this ad REALLY need to get a life

The RC Cola Rewind is brought to you by RC! From Heat last Sunday, Jerry Lynn made a surprise debut with a surprise light heavyweight championship win

WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: GRAND MASTER SEXAY (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, wwfauction.com, and Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Beef Ravioli) v. JERRY LYNN - Tazz handles all the promos with Cole's voice shot. Lynn attacks before the bell while Sexay positions his goggles - kick, kick, elbow, into the ropes, reversal attempted but Lynn revereses back to a backbreaker. Stomp. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Sexay, catching a kick, Sexay with an enzuigiri. Lynn FINALLY takes the title belt off. Sexay throws him out - dropkick between the ropes. Sexay out - right, right, bulldog onto the ramp (!) and busting a move. Rolled back in under the ropes as RC brings the Double Feature. Lynn manages a Rocker Dropper as Sexay goes through the ropes. "Who's sexy now?" Kick to the head. Double sledge. Right handby Lynn, Sexay fires back, Lynn, Sexay's right is ducked and Lynn hits a death suplex for 2. Head to the buckle - kick, kick, elbow, into the opposite corner is reversed, Lynn up and over, body scissors rollup gets 2! Kick by Sexay - right hand, snapmare takeover - fistdrop MISSES - Lynn with a kick and a sidewalk slam. Lynn grabs the goggles and climbs to the second rope - ooooh! - Mocking Hip Hop Drop...but it MISSES! Sexay relieves Lynn of the goggles and puts 'em on - right, right, right, into the ropes, BIG back body drop, clothesline, Lynn reverses the whip but Sexay stops short and hits the powerslam for 2! Hard into the corner - Sexay doing "the Thriller" - superkick! 1, 2, foot on the rope!! Sexay tries a rollup off the ropes for 2 - Lynn bridges back, then pulls the tights - HE only gets 2! Lynn rakes the eyes - into the corner is reversed, boot up by Lynn - tornado DDT is blocked, Sexay with a northern lights suplex - and again gets 2! Lynn with a double leg takedown, rolls over, puts both feet on the ropes as well, and gets the 3. (4:52)

Austin paces. Vince asks him to calm down, but nothing doing. Stephanie asks where her husband is - apparently, he was arrested at the hospital. Austin says Undertaker is gonna pay - his name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, by the way - and he grabs a chair and takes off. Vince asks him to be careful...

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The WWF Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz and damn there ARE a lot of ads tonight - from Backlash, Shane just FREEZES in midair - how did he DO that?

Take a look at the Conseco Fieldhouse

Commentators update us on what's happened tonight, just in case we were watching some other show

Earlier Tonight, Taker surprised Austin in the middle of his guest commentary - then threw him through a plate glass window - then emerged from the driver's seat of the ambulance - then popped Vince one - then said some stuff to Stephanie - yep, he's had quite a full night...AND it isn't even over!!

Taker boxes with shadows

Meanwhile, Vince addresses - a door! "Are you ready, big man? Looks to me like you are, and don't forget... Don't forget the past, don't forget what the Undertaker did to you - don't forget the payback that Undertaker's got comin' to him from you, from me, from Stone Cold, and every damn one of us. I'm couning on ya, and I know damn well I can - go get 'em."

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When we come back, Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING! He's still got that chair...

TAKER DOT COM (with wwf.com logo, On His Beautiful Rude American Bike) v. ? - well, I guess the bike wasn't in THAT bad a shape if he's riding it out once again - then again, maybe this is just a different bike. Here comes BILLIONAIRE VINCE - is HE the special opponent? Probably not. "Cut that music - cut it! In case, in case you don't know it, Undertaker - Austin's back from the hospital - yeah - Austin's back, and so is...RIKISHI." He's a bad man. How could the man who ran down Stone Cold suddenly be on his side? Well....Undertaker DID shove him off of the Hell in the Cell into a flatbed truck full of wood chips, and that can change a man. They're at it before the bell, fists of fire, but the soupbones take over - back elbow, into the opposite corner, but Rikishi gets the elbow up. Right, right, right, into the ropes, Taker ducks the clothesline and hits his flying clothelsine. Arm wringer - old school puts 'kishi down. Big boot puts the big man outside. Taker is out after him...head to the commentary table. Soupbone takes him all the way over. Commentators scatter - Taker puts 'kishi back in the ring but Rikishi is there with the DRUMSTICK DROP as Taker tries to get back in. 'kishi puts him hard into the STEEL steps. Right - RIKISHIKICK!! Right, right, right, right, right, rolled back in the ring. 'kishi back in - Taker with a kick, headbutt - no, that doesn't work - 'kishi with a headbutt of his own to remind him. Hardy into the corner, hard into the opposite corner...FAT ASS SPLASH! BELLY-to-belly! Man, I've kinda *missed* this guy in the main event. Dragging Taker to the corner - going for the Banzai Drop - but MISSING! Time for Taker to bring it back - soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone...winding up for the KO blow but Rikishi sneaks in one, popping him back. Into the ropes, head down, Taker hits a DDT! Taker off the ropes - triple spin clothesline! Rikishi is AWESOME - Taker signalling for the chokeslam - got him in the choke - CHOKESLAM!! But here comes MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, chair in hand. Taker is ready to go, though, and reaches for his chain...causing Austin to stop in his tracks. Taker dares him to come at him - Austin rushes the ring, then backs off as Taker swings the chain, ALMOST connecting. Austin left his chair behind, though...Taker picks it up - looks at Austin - and WHACKS Rikishi. Another big chairshot on Rikishi - another - and another. Referee "Blind" Tim White is content to watch all this instead of calling for the bell. Three more chairshots by the Reaper. Austin looks...uncomfortable. Three more chairshots for Rikishi. Taker looks to Austin - ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' Credits are up...and we're out. (DQ? Under 6:00?)

So, yeah, I stuck around for the UPN 9 news - no new ground broken for you and me, but for people who, say, rely on the UPN 9 news broadcasts to keep up with what's going on in the world, it's probably an eye-opener. According to this story, Ross and McMahon blame each other when it comes to firing Stacy Carter - that's an interesting spin.

Insurrextion plays at WWF New York, but I'm gonna go see Autechre instead. I'm pretty sure I'm making the right choice. See ya Monday!