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LAST MONDAY: TV-PG-DLV where'd the Attitude go? and wow wasn't this show great? Go read the RAW report
Opening credits - close captioned logo
STAND BY FOR FIREWORKS - coming to you 31.5.1 and transmitido en espanol (but not francais) SAP from the Skyreach Centre in Edmonton, AB, the Canadian jaunt continues and the Canadians continue to dominate the storylines - on the Score and the United Paramount Network, THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN!
The Y2J Countdown leads CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO to the ring to kick it off. He is immediately followed by CHRIS BENOIT, who wears an Oilers jersey, just in case we'd forgotten that Benoit hails from this very Edmonton. Crowd pops like you'd expect. In fact, they KEEP cheering after the music dies...alternating a "Benoit" chant with a "Y2J" chant. Jericho's up first: "When I was watching and discussing the events that transpired last Monday on RAW with Chris Benoit...we came to two conclusions. And the first one was that we positively, most expubentantly (?), unequivocably enjoyed beating the hell out of Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin! And the second was that ever since we won these World Wrestling Federation tag team championships ten days ago, that we've neglected to give the former champions a rematch. But unfortunately, Triple H is laid up in bed...WRITHING in pain! SUFFERING in agony! And out of commission for six long months! So it seems that Austin doesn't have a tag team partner, BUT we came up with a little idea of our own. We thought it would be cool if little Stevie teamed up with a man who's an even bigger jack(beep) than he is, and that would be the chairman of the World Wrestling Federation, Mr. McMahon himself! So...'in the interests of fairness,' Y2J and the Rabid Wolverine...wanna defend these championships against Stone Cold (beep) Austin, and Vincent K. McMahon, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT on SMACKDOWN!" "Big Benoit chant" again. "Hey Austin, I know you're in the back there somewhere, hiding behind the power of the owner of the company...but on behalf of everyone here tonight...I'd like to welcome you to THIS BUILDING. This building - where Mark Messier won the Conn Smythe trophy! This building - where Wayne Gretzky broke the NHL all-time scoring record! This building, where the Oilers won four of their five Stanley Cups! So Austin, my question is: in this building, the house of champions...will you accept our challenge? Will you and Vince McMahon fight us in my home town....Edmonton, Alberta, Canada?" Cue up "No Chance in Hell," BILLIONAIRE VINCE is joining our party. "You know, thank you for the warm Edmonton reception!" Crowd is chanting "abruti" again. "You know, last Monday on RAW I suggested that the two of you that you just might be great entertainers, and quite frankly I find your challenge to Austin and me highly entertaining." The chant starts up again - Vince soaks it in. "Let me just say for the record, that if Austin and I accept your challenge here tonight, that it wil be Austin and I leaving as tag team champions of the WWF, and wait a minute...let me just say that I will save the two of you the indignity of losing the tag team titles here in your own home country, because quite frankly I have plans for the two of you individually. For instance, you, Chris Jericho...tonight, tonight Jericho, you're gonna experience a first, because tonight Jericho, you're gonna go one on one with something that Canada has never ever had, and that is a true Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. And you, Benoit, you better be very lucky. Consider yourself very lucky, Benoit, that - that we didn't accept your challenge because quite frankly it would have been ME covering YOU for the 1, 2, 3--" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa ho, YOU covering ME? You may be chairman of this company, I respect that - but the next time you step into this ring with me, I will beat you to within an inch of your life!" "I know what you want, Benoit - yeah, I know what you want..." "Ben-oit!" "See, Benoit, what you want is a return WWF Championship match with Stone Cold Steve Austin, right? Well guess what, that's not gonna happen here tonight, either...because, you see, Stone Cold has a well-deserved night off." Before Vince can continue, the breaking of glass heralds the arrival of MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, who proudly brandishes his belt, and relieves Vince of his microphone. "Now just hold it one second!" "Abruti!" "I appreciate the fact that you wanna give me the night off, but I don't want the night off - not tonight. Nonononono - hold this. Don't drop it. Ever since last Monday night, ever since I walked through an airport and everybody says 'oh, Stone Cold - you didn't really beat Benoit last Monday. Benoit's gotcher number, Stone Cold - Benoit can beat you Stone Cold,' and it...I say no he can't! My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin - I am the World Wrestling Federation champion - I am a man's man - I am a champion of champions - and last Monday - look at me, Chris Benoit - I know in my heart, I know what I heard. When I had that crossface on ya in the middle of the ring, and you were squawling like a little scalded dog, I HEARD YOU oh yes I did! But you wanna be the big shot - you wanna come out here and talk about yer little sissy hockey players, which I care nothing for! Because I am Stone Cold Steve Austin, I am who and what I am, you've gotcher shot. Shut up, I ain't through! You've got your shot LOOK AT ME you ain't gotta talk to him, look at me! I said, you gotcher shot. I done got one submission on ya, and after tonight - 1, 2, 3, two victories back to back - Stone Cold over Chris Benoit, and that's all I got to say about that!" Vince seems rather taken aback, but Austin is barking mad - or maybe just barking. Man, these twenty minute opening segments just SUCK, don't they?
NEXT: The intercontinental championship is on the line as Kane meets Edge!
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE (wwfedgechristian.com - with You Think You Know You Saw This on Last Week's SmackDown!) v. KANE - Clips of Christian takin' a shellackin' serve to explain his absence for storyline purposes (and apparently better than "he's off on his honeymoon" would - sorry Rebecca) - Kane ducks a "surprise" clothesline and strikes with the big boots - into the ropes, big back body drop. Edge ducks the next shot, right, right, into the ropes but Kane reverses into a short clothesline. Edge rolls out. Kane following. Scoop...on the shoulder...but Edge slides off and shoves Kane into the post. Can't follow up - Kane right, right, head to the apron, rolled in, climbing to the top - Edge meets him and attacks the broken arm. Super (left) armdrag takeover! Now *Edge* is going up - missile dropkick to the arm! 1, 2, no. Kick by Edge, right, Kane kicks back, right, Double Feature of the dropkick - Kane puts Edge into the corner - Edge backs out, Kane goes for the death suplex but Edge backflips out - big armbar takedown by Edge - and 2. Edge continues on the left arm - trying to bend it the wrong way - Kane with a right to break that. Edge comes back with a right, climbing to the second rope - ten punch count along only gets to four - Kane hits snake eyes to cut that short. There's a clothesline. Into the ropes, one-armed sidewalk slam! Coming up next - Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Hardcore Holly! Edge put in the corner, but he evades the charge, hits the SPEAR, puts his feet on the second rope...and STILL Kane manages to press him off after 2! Edge with a gutshot - going for a DDT but Kane backdrops him out - check that, Edge manages a sunset flip out of it - 1, 2, Kane kicks out. Edge ducks a right, backslide duel...Edge up and over the back, gutshot by Kane, powerbomb, 1, 2, 3! (3:30)
The Dudleyz are WALKING! Spike tries to go along with, but they tell him to stay behind - ever since he's been seeing that girl, he's caused them nothing but problems. "Do us a favour - leave us alone!"
Hey, look! Chyna's back in the Stacker 2 ad rotation!
And here's a look at the exterior of Northlands Park - and that'd be the Skyreach Centre
BUBBA RAY DAMN DUDLEY (with D-Von Damn Dudley) v. KOOL MOE DEE (with Crash Hasnolastname & Let Us Take You Back to RAW) - Shoving match to start, lockup, Holly getting control, Dudley shoving back, side headlock by Dudley, Holly powers out, shoulderblock by Dudley. Up and over, head down by Holly, kick by Dudley. Putting him into the ropes, big back body drop. Clothesline. Scoop - and a slam. Into the ropes is reversed, Holly hits the Best Dropkick in the Business. ":28/:58" live events scroll on the bottom. 1, 2, Dudley kicks out. Holly still in control - head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Holly comes out and ends up on the wrong end of the Bubbabomb. Dudley off the ropes - Crash grabs the ankle, Dudley grabs him by the head and gives him an apron run to the top buckle. That's just enough distraction to allow Hardcore over to wrap Dudley around the top buckle, pull the legs, and hit the Hardcore Kick. Right, right, right, right - referee "Blind" Teddy Long seems content to watch D-Von instead of all this punching. Holly with a scoop - and a slam - now climbing up top, but all he gets is a boot in the mush. Dudley manages a cover - 1, 2, shoudler up. Dudley ducks a swing and hits a death suplex - arm on top - 1, 2, nope. Crowd wants Mable. Dudley with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right hand, backhand chop, slap, whip into the corner is reversed but Dudley gets a back elbow out. Dudley on the second rope - BIG splash lands! 1, 2, NO! Crash up on the apron, so Bubba brings him in the hard way - Crash rolls out to the opposite side - but D-Von happens to be waiting over there - big right hand - going for the clothesline but Crash ducks - D'Von collies with the post. Back in the ring, Hardcore running at Bubba, but he dumps him out to the floor. Going for the suplex back in - but Crash pulls on the ankle and holds him down as Hardcore hits a crossbody block - 1, 2, 3! (3:48) Hardcore actually seems *pleased* that Crash helped him out - that seems like a break from his character (who usually feels like he's always got things "in hand" and doesn't need the help) but maybe this hatred for the Dudleyz has overtaken his desire to prove he can do it on his own. Anywho, Bubba doesn't seem too happy...with Crash. Can you see where this'll be headed next? That should be an interesting contrast in styles...
To the chairman's office, where Vince is perusing the latest edition of WWF Magazine (available on newsstands now) when a flustered Regal and Tajiri barge in. "Calm down - calm down, wait....carrot?" Regal politely declines - security has informed him that a limousine has been circling the building all night, a limousine with a "WCW 1" license plate. Vince says we can't afford another Shane McMahon incident, nor another Lance Storm incident. Inform security. Tajiri tries to help himself to the vegetable plate on his way out, but Vince slaps his hand away. "Hey!" Regal shoves him out. "What the bloody hell are you doing?"
WOW! Having genital herpes can be SO MUCH FUN (according to this ad)!
When we come back, JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Spike Dudley. Let Us Take You Back to Monday as We Take a Special Video Look at Spike "literally sacrificing himself for Molly Holly." Coach proclaims it "romantic - in a weird kinda way" and asks how's he feeling, and how's SHE feeling? "How am I feeling, Coach? I don't know how I'm feeling, this whole thing's a giant misunderstanding, I mean Molly never meant to cause the Dudleyz the match and Molly never tried to set the Dudleyz up, I mean - I gotta sit down with Bubba Ray and D-Von and try to straighten this whole thing out. Well, she's home nursing a sore neck, but Molly's tough, she's a fighter, she'll be back soon, but - ah, Coach, if you don't mind, I'd like to take this opportunity to say something to Molly that...I've been too embarrassed to say to her face. (removes glasses) Molly, I....Molly, I really...like you. I really, really like you." Awww. Coach slaps his back and smiles. HE remembers being in love!
Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZ. ("I really LIKE you, Cole.") Talk switches to the mysterious videotape of Sara from RAW, courtesy her stalker.
Backstage, LILIAN GARCIA stands with Kurt Angle - WHOA no closeups, please, I know you want us to see the medals but all I can fixate on are the pimples on his pec (OUCH!). He's about to face Chris Jericho - does he have anything to say about this? "Yeah I've got something to say. Look at these gold medals! I'm an Olympic hero - an AMERICAN Olympic hero, and I should be facing a Canadian Olympic hero. But the most famous hero - Olympic hero that Canada has ever had was Ben Johnson. Sure he won a gold medal, only to have it taken away, because he had to cheat to win, just like every other Canadian. And tonight, I'm going to beat not an Olympic hero, not even a Canadian hero...tonight, I'm just gonna beat a Canadian, Chris Jericho. And after tonight, they're gonna rename Gretzky Boulevard ANGLE Boulevard - oh it's true, it's true. And one more thing, I hear that Shane McMahon's limo, his WCW limo is circling the arena - well I want Shane McMahon to try to interfere in my match. I DARE Shane McMahon to interfere in my match. As a matter of fact, I DOUBLE dare him."
Mick Foley rides a chopper and eats Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni!
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Subway! From RAW, Lance Storm appears, and....hmmm, you'd think they'd want to downplay this incident
We take a look at the extra security at ringside (aka "dark match participants")
KING KURT ANGLE (wwfkurtangle.com) (with Heat hype - Angle hosts Sunday!) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Angle will be on Byte This! Friday, too. Hmm, referee for this match is Earl Hebner - does that forebode a special guest referee for the main event, and would his name be McMahon? "Y2J" chant before they tie up - Angle with a fireman's carry into a Fujiwara armbar. Jericho to his feet - Angle with a side headlock takeover - holding the headlock - Jericho with a head scissors counter, Angle kicks out. Angle runs into an armdrag - now JERICHO holds the armbar. Angle with a headscissors, and trying to add a waistlock while Jericho's doing a headstand - Jericho falls forward, Angle bridges out, into a backslide - 1, 2, Jericho gets out. Angle's clothesline is ducked - Jericho with a right hand, right, into the ropes, Angle ducks the clothesline but Jericho hits a back body drop. Shoulder first into the ringpost! Jericho can't outwrestle him but maybe he can cheat - in Canada, they'll let him get away with that, see. Jericho outside, pulling Angle out to the floor - and there's a suplex on the floor! Head to the STEEL steps. Jericho rolls Angle back in and climbs up top - missile dropkick is just swatted away. Jericho may have landed on his left ankle wrong there. Angle stomp, stomp, stomp. Vertical suplex. To the headlock. "Y2J" chant coming back. Jericho back to his feet - elbow, elbow breaks it up, right hand, Angle to the eyes. Into the ropes, head down and Jericho kicks him - Ghetto Blaster puts him down! Both men are down and the count is on. Hebner's up to five - Angle makes it to the ropes and pulls himself up....then runs into a right hand. Again running into a punch. Angle ducks the third try but Jericho manages a chop. Chop! Into the ropes is reversed, but Jericho hits a flying jalapeno! Off the ropes - Angle ducks and grabs a waistlock after a forearm in the back. Jericho manages a body scissors rollup for 2! Gutshot by Jericho, forearm, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Jericho goes up and over as Angle tries to followup - double leg takedown - got the Walls of Jericho!! But Angle is too close to the rope. Jericho has a chat with Hebner - here comes Angle - he misses EVERYBODY, and Jericho hits the bulldog! Going for the Lionsault - Angle rolls away so Jericho lands on his feet - again clutching his left shin (hmm, storyline injury or real injury?) Angle has enough time to kick him in the gut, going for the Olympic Slam but Jericho lands on his feet (again holding that leg) - Jericho ducks the clothesline and grabs a waistlock but Angle's trick knee acts up, and there's the anglelock!! But here comes SHANE-O MAC sprinting through the crowd and making it to the apron! Angle releases the hold and approaches Shane...but Security pulls McMahon off the apron, preventing a collision. Angle goes back in the ring and acts good and distracted - and with Security all involved, it can only mean - oh, wait, it's SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY instead - gutshot, Dudley (bull)Dog! Off he runs - Jericho is a Lionsault (and leg clutch) away - 1, 2, 3! (5:58) Sure looks like a real limp on Jericho. The camera follows Security carrying Shane all the way to the back and out the door - he seems happy Angle lost, anyway. Here are your replays.
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When we come back, Regal complains about Shane to Tajiri and the TV-PG-DLV ratings box. Angle barges in and demands a match with Shane at King of the Ring - Regal says he'll make it happen. Tajiri says something in Japanese and bows. Angle CLOCKS him, then rams his head into the desk. "STOP BOWING! You're driving me crazy!" "That's my houseboy!" "I KNOW!" Regal looks at the fallen Tajiri - and has a larf.
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: CAW CAW CAW (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, the JVC GigaTube, and Chef Boyardee Overstuff Ravioli!) v. RHYNO THE MAN BEAST (with Transmitido En Espanol SAP) - Rhyno tries to get an early strike but Raven's off the buckle - there's a quick rollup - only 1. Right by Raven, right, into the corner, off the ropes with a clothesline. Kneelift. Tonight: Austin/Benoit! Garbage can to the head. Tonight: Stephanie SPEAKS! Raven puts the can down right, Rhyno right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Raven drop toehold into the trashcan - cover - 2. Trashcan lid in hand - WHACK! Whip into the ropes is reversed, but Rhyno has his head down. Sunset flip by Raven, flip out by Rhyno, cover, Raven with the trashcan lid to the head at 2 - HE gets 2. Another lid shot as Rhyno goes out. Raven following but Rhyno is waiting with a sign - WHACK. Rhyno going under the ring and producing a table. Tazz pronounces the table "over," then says to Cole "I'm BEGGING you to put ONE joke over for me." Everybody back in - Rhyno with a stomp - now setting up the table in the corner. Scoops up Raven, but before he can ram him into the table, Raven frees himself - right hand ducked, Rhyno lands a right. Rhyno now puts a garbage can in the corner, open end facing the ring (hmmm - I wonder - nah, won't spoil it.) Rhyno takes a SECOND garbage can and WHACKS Raven. Waiting for him to get up so he can gore him - but Raven steps aside and, sure enough, Rhyno goes headfirst into the can, and stays in it. Raven with the WOW Catapult and Rhyno hits the buckle. Raven has the kitchen sink - WHACK - 1, 2, no. Double Feature of Rhyno wearing the can - back to real-time and Rhyno reversed a whip into a bearhug...and ramming him into the table. Folding him up - 1, 2, 3. (3:40) Replay of the table spot.
In the dressing room, Steve and Debra are having a talk as Vince walks in. He's wondering if Austin would like to reconsider...he's got a funny feeling tonight. "I got a funny feeling I'm gonna go out there and whip his ass, that's what I'm feeling tonight!" "This is his hometown - I'd just ask you to reconsider, that's all." "Look at me. You don't believe I can beat Chris Benoit, do you?" "Of course I believe you." "What's my name?" Vince rolls his eyes. "Your name is Stone Cold Steve Austin--" "That's right my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin and I am the World Wrestling Federation champion. And I can beat Chris Benoit in his hometown. I'm sitting there going through airport, they're 'ah you really didn't beat Chris Benoit, he's got your number - he can beatcha any night of the week' - well I'm gonna prove everybody wrong, it makes me SICK that you don't believe in me. That hurts me!" "I'm with you ALL THE WAY." "You sure about that?" "Absolutely." "Well nobody else is - no one else thinks I can beat Chris - yeah, look at her - she don't believe me, either." "I cannot believe - you're just making this up, I never said that!" "Yeah you didn't say it but I know what you're thinking, sittin' back there with your little red and white stripes on your shirt, thinkin' 'ah, you can't beat Chris Benoit!' I know you like the back of my hand! It's fine, you ain't gotta have any - you don't have any confidence in me, he doesn't, I'm gonna go out there and prove everybody wrong because I'm sick of it, that's what I am." "Good luck."
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad - oops, I saw Grand Master Sexay!
Ummm, "featuring Marvin Gaye?" The man has been DEAD for YEARS. ("Didn't stop 2Pac.") Well, you got me there.
You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!
Yesterday, Stephanie was hangin' out at HealthSouth in Birmingham, AL.
Here's another look back at Triple H's surgery - SEEN IT
Back to Stephanie. "Well, Hunter's doing about as well as could be expected. But I don't think that Triple H or I realise the magnitude of this surgery and how much pain it would cause Hunter. But you know, Triple H isn't only in physical pain, he's in emotional pain. Last Thursday on SmackDown!, Stone Cold Steve Austin had the nerve to accuse Triple H of being selfish. You tell me how it's selfish for - for someone to RIP apart their quadraceps tendon away from the bone and the muscle and STILL continue the match and STILL try to save their tag team partner. What Triple H wasn't selfish - it was damn near heroic. Then Austin, you went on to say that Triple H *deserved* what happened to him? Austin you think Triple H DESERVES to be lying motionless in a hospital bed? Then you said, and I quote because I'll never forget it, YOU said that you don't give a rat's ass about Triple H, because...you're Stone Cold Steve Austin, and you're the WWF Champion. Well I hope you don't forget *why* you're still the WWF Champion, Austin - because you're the only reason you're still the champion is because of my husband - my husband, Triple H. But I tell you what. Austin, granted it might be a long time before Triple H comes back, but when he does...YOU might be the one who gets what you deserve."
Back to the dressing room, where Lita and Matt are necking and Guerrero is walking in to slap hands with Jeff. "Hey man, why don't you guys get a room?" "Uh, this is a room, Eddie - it's our room, and by the way I didn't hear you knock..." "Come on man, take it easy vato - we're a team here, man! I mean we got X Factor next, man, you know how tough they are? I mean I had Albert on Monday night, and I had to prepare for that man - you know how strong he is? I mean, look - look at Jeff, he's getting prepared - don't you think you should be doing the same thing?" "Whoahohohohoho - what are you saying? Because you're prepared, I'm not prepared, I can't beat Albert? You saying that you beat Albert Monday night, you're a better wrestler than me? Hey where the hell were you when we were strategizing earlier, Eddie?" "Look man, just relax. Okay? We're all a team here. Okay? Matt - Matt - aren't we a team? Aren't...we...a...team?" "Yeah. We're a team." "All right then! What are we worried about? Come on guys, let's fire up! We're up next, let's go! Come on! All right, Jeff, Matt, let's rock and roll, come on Lita! Wooo, rock and roll!"
Meanwhile, Chris Benoit gets his ribs retaped for effect
HARDY BOYZ & EDDIE GUERRERO (with Lita and the Blast of the Night, sponsored by the GigaTube - Eddie pins Albert, from RAW) v. X FACTOR - Matt starts with Credible as the onsale scroll hits the screen. Lockup, quick schoolboy by Matt, no, Credible right, right, right, right. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Credible up and not over because Matt is still behind him - there's a death suplex. Side headlock, Matt backs into his corner and reaches for Jeff but Eddie sneaks in a tag - open shot, right, scoop...and a slam, outside for the trademark senton, right hand, out of the corner, Credible gets the elbow up, then hits a nice second rope bulldog. Tag to Albert - Guerrero ducks the clothesline - right, right, right, Albert shoves him off. Guerrero right, right, right, right, Albert pops him with an uppercut. Into the corner...and Albert argues with referee "Blind" Jack Doan while Credible and 'Pac doubleteam Guerrero behind his back. Guerrero fires back with elbows to both men - right to Albert, right, off the ropes but Albert hits a bell clap to put Eddie down. X-Pac gets the tag - open knee - right, Guerrero fires back right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Guerrero slides under - tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Guerrero, then rolls forward into a tag of Jeff! Ducks an X-Pac clothesline, dropkick, into the ropes is reversed, Albert grabs him - but Jeff ducks and X-Pac nails his partner - Jeff nails Credible, tries a slingshot crossbody to Albert on the floor but Albert CATCHES him..and runs his back into the post. Albert puts him back in the ring, where X-Pac is waiting. Head to the buckle, tag to Albert. Right hand. Yah kick. Yaaaaah beal. Yaaaaavalanche MISSES and Albert hits the buckle sternum first. Tag to Matt! Ducks a clothesline, right, right, right, right, right, right for X-Pac, kick for Credible, double noggin knocker, gutshot for Albert, swinging DDT - it's all breaking down now as five men are in the ring - Albert has Matt but Guerrero forearms him in th eback to break it - right, right, Albert with a right - Matt puts Credible outside as Albert presses Guerrero...and tosses him to the floor! Matt hits a neckbreaker on Albert while he's distracted...up to the second rope for the AHHHHHH but he sees Lita checking on Eddie on the outside - oh no, Albert is back up - Baldobomb! He ain't gettin' up, Jake. 1, 2, 3. (4:00) Lita comes in to check on Matt....but he's got one of those LOOKS on his face...
Austni admires his shiny title belt...pets it a few times...wow, I feel like I'm intruding here. Then he grabs his vest and takes off...
"Tough Enough" ad
And now, the WWF Overdrive of the Week, brought to you by Greyhound! From RAW, Benoit screws Benoit - or something
Our commentators say that the match is coming up next!
But first, another videotape interrupts. "Well here we are - back home with Sara...and the Undertaker. They're going for a ride. Husband and wife - the lovely couple. Sara's blonde hair, flowing in the breeze...they're having fun - like two little kids. And I'm having fun, too. Because...I'm here with them. And I'm enjoying this...as much as they're enjoying themselves."
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS BENOIT (with "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover) v. MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (stonecold.com) - Hmm, once again we've got about a half hour left in the show. Looks like I'm wrong, Earl Hebner is back out. Oh, but wait...here comes BILLIONAIRE VINCE, and he's wearing the zebra stripes (and, of course, no sleeves). "Wait a minute now, wait a minute, wait a minute - allow me to introduce myself - my name is Vince McMahon, I'm the chairman of the World Wrestling Federation ...and I have assigned myself to be the Special Enforcer to ensure that the rules and regulations are indeed adhered to." Well, at least McMahon isn't Hebner's succedaneum in this match as I'd earlier feared. (I just won a bet!) Austin rolls out of the ring to have a chat with McMahon, as we take an (final?) ad break.
Yes you ARE watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN
Well *that* took care of ten minutes! Benoit's tired of waiting, and puts a double axehandle in the back to start. Kick in the head, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, elbowdrop, knife-edge chop, chop, chop, into the ropes, chop! Clothesline. Kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. It's all Benoit so far. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - Hebner finally pulls him off as Austin rolls to the apron - Benoit wants another piece of him but Austin manages a stun gun. "Austin Sux!" Forearm across the back by Austin. Benoit into the ropes, reversed, head down and Austin hits a swinging neckbreaker. First cover - Austin gets 2. Stomp. Stomp. Austin stokes the fans with just a look. Going for a big vertical suplex...but Benoit is back to his feet, got the arm and putting on the crossface! Austin makes it to the ropes before he can lock it in, however. Benoit pulls Austin to the centre and puts it on again!! Austin crawls sideways to the ropes...and grabs it. Again, Benoit pulls Austin to the middle and puts it on again!! Austin is a little slower with his sideways crawl...but again reaches the bottom rope. Benoit stomps Austin in the head - AGAIN with the crossface! Austin's eyes bug out from the pain - crawling to the ropes again - reaching - missing - reaching - got it. Hebner forces the break. Benoit stomps on Austin, Austin rolls out. Benoit's after him now - clothesline over the commentary table! Benoit stands on the commentary table...and looks to the crowd. Now back to the floor, where Austin is lying - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner encourages Benoit to take it back to the ring - Benoit picks Austin up to his feet, and unleashes a right hand that takes him over the table again. Chop on the floor, rolled back in, Benoit follows. Running clothesline and Austin goes outside again! Benoit out and the chase is on. McMahon is noticably away from this action... Austin manages a kick in the injured ribs to stop Benoit, at least temporarily. Two more kicks to the ribs. Austin bounces Benoit's head off the commentary table and puts him back in. Austin grabs his belt on his way back in - he and Hebner tussle over the title belt - Benoit over to shove Austin, unfortunately, into Hebner, putting him down. Gutshot by Benoit, chop, chop, chop, kick and Austin falls. Pulled into the corner, gutshot as Austin comes out - DDT on the title belt! Benoit looks to the fans, who get louder...that's it! Benoit climbing that ladder all the way to the WWF Championship - SWANDIVE HEADBUTT....NO!! Austin puts the belt up and Benoit's headbutt only finds gold. Here's a Double Feature. Hebner is back up and counting...up to 4 as Austin covers - 1, 2, no! Austin hooks the leg and covers again - and again gets 2! Austin mounts Benoit - right, right, right, right, right, hooks the leg - 1, 2, Benoit gets the shoulder up! Austin spreads the legs - no, wait - it's a SHARPSHOOTER! Benoit screams in pain - looks like his cheek is opened up as well. Crowd chants "Benoit" and it looks like he's getting strength from it - using his legs - and powering out! Austin falls forward as Benoit stands up - HE'S got a Sharpshooter! And now it's Austin doing the screaming as Benoit sits back. Austin is too far from the ropes - HE tries to use his legs - and *does* get it broken. Austin goes back to *his* Sharpshooter - and just looking at his face, you can see that Austin is *possessed.* Austin sits back - Benoit tries to crawl. Benoit gets the rope! But Austin pulls him away and sits back one more time. Benoit tries again to power out - Austin is teetering - he's down! Benoit trying to put on the Sharpshooter one more time - Austin with the rope - Benoit pulls him out - again Austin crawls to the bottom rope - and this time, Benoit breaks it. Both men are down and Hebner starts his count again. "Benoit" chant is loud and proud. Hebner's up to 6...and Austin is up first. Benoit up from behind, grabbing the waistlock - nothing doing, so Benoit puts the forearm in the back - FIVE big forearms - Austin still clings to the ropes, so Benoit unleashes three more forearms. He can't break Austin free, though - Hebner trying to get them out of the corner, and Austin's trick knee acts up behind Hebner's back. AUSTIN making the "That's It" hand motion! Is he going up for a headbutt of his own?! Well, we'll never know - Benoit pops up and, as Austin sits on the top buckle, throws a right, right, right, right, right! Benoit up! Could it be? YES!! SUPERPLEX!! But that took as much out of Benoit as it did Austin - both men are down once again. Check the Double Feature as Hebner gets to 5 - Benoit with the cover - 1, 2, Austin's out! Benoit has the crossface AGAIN!! Austin sidesteps to the ropes - and gets the break. Again Austin rolls outside - he's trying to walk it off, trying to get some air in those lungs but Benoit is relentless. Forearm in the back. Austin manages to turn it around and put Benoit's head to the commentary table. Austin on the floor with a suplex - no, a FRONT SUPLEX and Benoit's ribs land right on the table! Hebner is *furious* with McMahon for letting these shenanigans go on - McMahon tells him to worry about calling it inside, HE'LL call it outside. Double Feature of the suplex. Austin rolls in, Hebner back in, Austin rolls out. He pulls Benoit up - he's got that look in his eyes again. But it's Benoit with "Iblockyourpunchyoudn'tblockmine," right, right, Austin to the eyes - another HOLY LIVING FUCK!! He dropped him *headfirst to the floor* as those injured ribs *again* hit the commentary table. Jesus Christ. What won't Austin do? Austni shoves a cameraman out of the way, climbs the steps and sneers at the fans. Double Feature of that WICKED suplex. Hebner is out checking on Benoit - Austin comes over and gives Benoit a choke in plain sight. Austin grabs what's left of Benoit's tapejob and runs Benoit ribs first into the STEEL steps. Austin back in the ring, Hebner back in, Austin back out. Again, he pulls him up by what's left of the tape job - and again, Benoit meets the steps. Rolled back in. BIG "Austin sucks" chant. Austin with a knee in the ribs. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Austin off the ropes, and driving the elbow into Benoit's heart. Austin looks to the crowd...and drops another elbow. "You see that? You see that? You see that?" Austin holds the belt close while simultaneously applying a chinlock. Pulling him to his feet - Benoit blocks the head to the buckle and puts Austin's head there instead! And again! And make it three - four - forearm to the chest, right, right! Into the ropes is reversed...Austin with the SPINEBUSTER. And just like that, Austin drops ANOTHER hammer. Cover - 1, 2, NO!! Austin can't believe it. Austin has the legs - is he going for a Liontamer?! And now he steps over into the Boston crab - Benoit is screaming, and McMahon is screaming - "give up!" Benoit won't give up - back to his back, and back to the bottom rope! Austin stomps on the ribs - stomp, stomp, stomp. Head to the buckle - Austin just SLAPPING the back of Benoit's head. Another head to the buckle - forearm in the back, forearm, forearm. Again, Austin smashes Benoit's head into the top turnbuckle. And again - Benoit elbows back! Austin gets the head to the buckle, but with a little less force this time, another elbow by Benoit. Austin again puts the head in the buckle, Benoit fires back, Austin with a right, chop by Benoit, right by Austin, right by Benoit, Austin, Benoit, Benoit, BENOIT, BENOIT, BENOIT - Austni KICK WHAM - NO BENOIT SHOVE HIM OFF - Austin tries a clothesline off the ropes, Benoit ducks it - GERMAN SUPLEX!! Holding on for two! Holding on for THREE! HOLDING ON FOR FOUR! HOLDING ON FOR FIVE!! Austin signals for timeout - Benoit doesn't think so. Two forearms in the back - ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX! And Benoit STILL holds on! GERMAN SUPLEX! And Benoit STILL holds on! GERMAN SUPLEX! AND BENOIT *STILL* HOLDS ON!! GERMAN SUPLEX!!! BENOIT WILL NOT LET GO! Crowd chanting "TEN! TEN! TEN!" AND THAT IS THE **TENTH** GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! Vince is up on the apron - oh, here we go - Benoit shoves Austin into a forearm of Vince, taking him to the floor - Benoit catches Austin as he comes back - CROSSFACE!! But McMahon is back in and he's got a chair - right hand to put Hebner down - approaching Benoit with the chair - Benoit kicks him in the 'nads! And now Benoit has the chair - WHACK! Chair in the back! Chair to the HEAD! Chair to the shoulder! Chair to the hip! Chair to the shoulder! Chair to the shoulder! Chair to the back!! But Benoit has lost sight of Austin! Austin - Austin has Benoit rolled up with a schoolboy - Austin is holding the tights - Austin is holding the tights - 1.... 2....... 3!!!!!!!! (19:39) Austin grabs the belt and heads up the ramp...and collapses. But he's still clutching the belt...and for Austin, that's all that matters.