I realise that many of you would like to hear more from me about a few subjects, but I hope you'll understand that I don't feel that now is the time. Perhaps soon I'll write up a "Full Disclosure," but not until the time when I'd feel that it'd be REALLY interesting. Ha!

UPN - Thursday! Hey, look, Eddie Guerrero in this bumper!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!

Opening Credits - and close captioned logo

SEIZURE INDUCING PYRO welcomes you to University of North Dakota and the WWF's first-ever stop in Grand Forks, ND and the Alerus Center on 7.6.1 (taped 5.6) and - believe it or else - the tag team titles are on the line as Benoit & Jericho take on ... you ready? ... Austin and McMahon! But first up...

KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: KING KURT ANGLE v. KOOL MOE DEE (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) - another of Commissioner Regal's "interesting" first round matchups kicks it off, as Angle starts down the road to defending his crown - despite already being signed to a match with Shane McMahon at the big PPV. Lockup, side headlock by Holly - powered out, duck, ducks again, crossbody by Holly gets 1. Ducks ANOTHER clothesline, then hits one of his own. Angle put into the ropes - BIG back body drop - and Holly clotheslines him out of the ring! Holly on top early - think Angle breaking his arm is far from his mind? Outside, "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, rolled back in the ring. Kick in the gut, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp. Out of the corner, Angle tries to run out but gets a big boot in the face. Angle rolls outside to try to recover. Holly wants a double axehandle to the floor but Angle catches him and hits a belly-to-belly suplex ON THE FLOOR! Angle rolls Holly back in and follows. Holly put into the corner, no, Angle holds onto him and pulls him back - ANOTHER belly-to-belly suplex. The boos are LOUD for Angle. Into the corner, right, right, right, Holly fires back - right, right, chop, chop, single leg by Angle - going for the anklelock but Holly crawls to the bottom rope. Angle stomps, stomp, stomp, head to the buckle, right, kick, kick, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp. Crowd chanting an unkind word Angle's way. Tonight, Steve Austin and Vince McMahon team up for a tag title shot! Angle picks up Holly, but Holly switches positions in the corner - right, right, chop, chop, chop, into the opposite corner...Angle gets the boot up. Angle ducks a swing and hits a German suplex...for 2! Angle gives another look to the booing crowd - picks up Holly, right hand, into the ropes, and there's a clothesline. Edge takes on Test in another KOR Qualifier tonight! Angle with a snap suplex, rolling into another cover, and again getting 2. Death suplex coming up. Is Angle going for the moonsault again?! YES! OHHHHHH Holly gets the knees up and MAN that's an ugly collision. Both men are down! Referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas putting on the count - up to three as both men rise - Holly with "Iblockyourpunchyourdon'tblockmine," right, right, into the ropes is reversed but Holly comes off with a flying jalapeno (landing on his feet), into the ropes, Best Dropkick in the Business isn't this time, but it DID land right on the chin - quick cover - 1, 2, NO! Scoop...and a slam. Now *Holly* is going to the top - OH YEAH THE SPARKPLUGG ALABAMA JAM - 1, 2, NO!!! Double Feature of that big dropkick. Holly isn't done - kick, chop, into the opposite corner - Angle sidesteps the charge. Angle clamps on a waistlock but Holly elbows out - two big elbows land right on the mush - got Angle up to try the big spinebuster but Angle shifts his body weight over Holly's shoulders, backing him to the ropes - Angle holding the ropes...Holly pulling him out, turning around, and deciding this'd be a good time for the Best Crotchkick in the Business. Korderas ain't too pleased about all this UN FOULing going on where he can see it. Angle manages a hot shot as Holly comes in again - Olympic slam - 1, 2, 3! (6:23)

In the locker room, Kane laces up while Taker paces - and beats up lockers. "Man, would you take it easy?" "Man, I can't take this crap anymore. Somebody's gonna DIE. I can't wait any more." "Where you going?" "Going out to the lot, and wait for Shane. And when he gets here, he's gonna answer some questions. If he don't answer right I'm gon' jack his (beep) up!" Kane says to no one (but the camera man) "Man that don't sound good."

This month, Break Down the Walls with June's WWF Fanatic Series presentation!

When we come back, sure enough, there's the lot, there's Taker, and there's waiting for Shane.

MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN comes out in T-shirt and jeans shorts (which nicely set off his shiny knee braces) - wow, that's a pretty long aisle there in this arena - I guess it's more "long" than "tall" here. "Now shut up! I didn't come out here just to talk about myself, but to say tonight Stone Cold Steve Austin came here In This Very Ring lookin' for a fight! That's right, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, tonight me and Vince McMahon will once again put the World Wrestling Federation tag team championships around my waist. And when it all comes down to it, Stone Cold Steve Austin can beat Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho any night, in this ring, at the same time, because that's what kinda champion Stone Cold Steve Austin is. I am a man's man, I am a champion of champions. Chris Benoit, I beat you with your own little crossface submission right in the middle of the ring - I heard you squealin' like a little baby. And then, to give you the rematch, to show you the kinda champion I am, I gave you a rematch, right in your little hometown - 1, 2, 3, right in the middle of the ring, because I'm just a little bit better than you. Chris Jericho, you came out here sayin' how you deserved to be the World Wrestling Federation champion - I say EH EH! and I proceeded to beat your little carcass 1, 2, 3...right in the middle of this ring. So tonight, because I am a champion of champions, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon will win the World Wrestling Federation tag team titles In This Very Ring because we deserve it, and there ain't nobody here that can stop us, and that's all I got to say about that."

Backstage, Spike and Molly make happy kissy faces. "You know, Molly, I heard what you said on RAW and I just couldn't wait to see you. I can finally say it to your face; I really really like you" "I really really like you too." "I got something for you." "You do?" He leans in - whoops, removes his glasses... "Ready?" "Mmm hmmm." They each close their eyes and lean in...whoops, Saturn interjects HIS head between them! "Ewww!" "Monkeys learn sign language so they can tell dolphins they love 'em!" "Come on, Molly, let's get outta here." "You're welcome!"

"Foley is Good" spot

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN! Check out this bumper: Triple H, Chyna, Jericho, Edge & Christian (with titles), Angle, and Rock. Yikes, I bet we barely see HALF of them people in tonight's show!

RC Cola presents the WWF Rewind! From RAW, Jeff Hardy sneaks in a fall over his brother to advance in the King of the Ring tourney

Vince talks on the phone....to who? "Now just listen to me....believe me, this is gonna be a piece of cake. No, you don't have any idea. Stone Cold Steve Austin and I will become the tag team champions tonight. There's no doubt about it. No...they can't stop us...yes, come in! Believe me, Benoit and Jericho are not up to the task. Listen, I'll call you back in a minute." It's Regal and Tajiri - Tajiri is bouncing more than one of those thirsty birds. Regal apologises but says it's important - McMahon says maybe he could send Tajiri out for some popcorn, and he does so. Regal relates that the WCW 1 limo has been spotted circling the building, but security is on the alert to make sure nobody gets in the building. Vince says "that's not what I want you to do - let it in! I think the Undertaker wants to ask Shane a few questions." McMahon and Regal spontaneously break into a "knowing nods" contest.

WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: JEFF HARDY (with Lita & wwf.com logo) v. JERRY LYNN - Lockup, live event crawl, Lynn to a hammerlock, Jeff counters with one of his own, to the side headlock, Lynn powers out, shoulderblock by Hardy. Up and over, leapfrog by Lynn, ducks a crossbody and Hardy sails outside. Lynn runs the ropes to try a baseball slide dropkick but Hardy's back in - HE tries a dropkick between the ropes - that hits. Ready for the pescado - but Lynn is back in the ring, so Hardy lands on his feet. Hardy takes the stairs back up and back in the ring. Here we go - lockup, Hardy shoves Lynn to the corner - referee "Blind" Tim White works on getting the break - and finally does - Lynn with a right, right, kick, into the opposite corner, but upends Lynn onto the apron as he charges in. Hardy with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," going for a shoulderblock through the ropes but Lynn jumps up and spins around into a guillotine on his way down. YIKES. Lynn back in - right hand. Stomp. Another big stomp. Head to the buckle - into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Death suplex. 1, 2, Hardy kicks out. Kane vs. X-Pac tonight! Test vs. Edge! Hardy counters with his sitout jawbreaker as Lynn tries to pick him up. Hardy with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" again, right, right, whipped into the corner, scooped up into a front slam on his way out, front somersault legdrop, 2! Double Feature of the big leg. Hardy with the corkscrew moonsault off the second rope - 1, 2, NO! Jeff is limping as he stands up. Right hand to the back, right, into the corner is reversed, Hardy up and over, dropkick to the back - coming in but Lynn clotheslines him down - 1, 2, Hardy kicks out! Lynn with a kick, right hand, into the corner is reversed but Lynn evades the splash - Hardy lands on the second rope - Lynn springing up, and down with a - WOW, a powerbomb - 1, 2, NO!! Lita starts some rhythmic mat pounding, firing up the crowd. Right by Lynn, gutshot, running the ropes for the tornado DDT but Hardy shrugs him off - Lynn lands on his feet - and runs into a spinning heel kick! Hardy coverse - 1, 2, NO! Hardy with both legs - double legdrop between 'em. Now going up top - playing to the crowd all the way up - Lynn up with a punch, though - climbing up after him, wanting the superplex - Hardy right, right, shoves him off, tries again and DOES hit the swantonbomb! Hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new light heavyweight champion. Back to ECW for you, Lynn! (3:40) MATT HARDY comes out to join in the celebration - Jeff climbs the ropes, looks at the crowd, looks at his belt, looks at the crowd, looks at his belt...well, you get the picture. Both Hardys with singles titles, huh?

A black and white videotape interrupts our show here. "The Undertaker is threatening me. I don't take kindly to threats. Who's this why it's Sara! She has a nice figure. Let's get a better look. (car window rolls down) Sara, I bet you feel safe, out here in the parking lot with all these other people...but you're not. Where ya going, Sara? Going for a ride, Sara? If you are, maybe you want...a little company."

Chyna shills Stacker 2

You're watching WWF SmackDown!on UPN!

Taker's still in the parking lot - hopefully, he missed that video since he's out here. Here's the WCW limo. "It's about damn time, STOP! Move this car, I break your damn legs. Shane! Hey! What the hell are you doin' here? Where's Shane? Uh huh. Listen, when you see him, you tell him I'm lookin' for him, and I will find his (beep). As far as you go, you better pick another night to become famous. Now get your (beep) outta here. Damn!" The limousine backs away...

Meanwhile, Spike and Molly are still trying to get down that first kiss. Spike brushes back her hair...they lean closer, eyes closed...and Tajiri runs into Spike with the popcorn. Tajiri makes a lot of noise, tries to pick the popcorn off the floor, says some more stuff, and walks off. "Come on, Molly, let's go somewhere more private." I think he also added "You with the camera...follow us!"

Meanwhile, Austin complains to Debra about the fact that he is not one half of the tag team champions, while Benoit & Jericho are. Debra expresses her 100% support. Austin says tonight, he has a partner who will listen to him and not make mistakes. They'll win the titles tonight because he *says* it's gonna happen.

Meanwhile, Mick Foley is WALKING!

"Tough Enough" spot

Hey, guess which show and network you're watching? That's right - and it returns in a moment!

Commentators hype "Interview with the Vampire" - whoopee!

WWF INTERKANETINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KANE v. X-PACTOR (with Justin Credible & Justin Otherguy) - Champ enters first because he doesn't have a cool Unkle Krakker song. Cole actually remembers that these two have quite a history...then balances that insightful observation by saying that Taker "just sat through another of those videos" despite the fact that he's outside the building and presumably away from all monitors. Albert stands nose-to-nose with Kane, distracting him long enough for 'Pac to pop him with a surprise forearm. Forearm in the back, right, right, right, Kane with a double choke, into the corner, right, right, right, right. Into the opposite corner, follow lariat. BIG hiptoss. Albert with the badmouth - Kane looks his way and X-Pac tries another forearm - whip into the ropes - nothing doing, reversal, big boot by Kane. Kane out, going up top - Credible grabbing the ankle, Kane kicking him off, but that allows 'Pac enough time to get to the corner and hit a BIG roundhouse kick above the top rope to put Kane down to the floor. 'Pac to the apron, going for a crossbody but Kane just catches him...but 'Pac slides down the back and shoves him into Albert's bicycle kick. Albert rolls him back in - 'Pac with an elbow to the head, elbow, elbow, chop, chop, Kane fires back with a right, right, into the ropes, 'Pac ducks - heel kick lands - 1, 2, Kane kicks out with authority. 'Pac with a chop, into the corner is reversed and 'Pac hits sternum first - backs into a death suplex attempt but he backflips out - gutshot, X Factor! Kane falls into perfect position for the broncobuster, so 'Pac forgoes pinning him to take the title to hit this move instead. Pose in the corner, super stomp back down. But Kane whips back his hair, rises to his feet, and flattens him with a clothesline. Another clothesline. Into the corner, boot up by 'Pac but he runs into the One-Armed Slam. Kane sprints up to the top - and there's the trademark clothesline! Tazz: "GOOZLE!" Albert's on the apron to draw over referee "Blind" Teddy Long, which can only mean Credible is in the ring - there's a big boot by Kane to stop HIM, right hand for Albert, back to 'Pac - scooped up...and tossed into Albert! Albert catches him and checks on him - Kane up to the top - PLANCHA ONTO ALBERT!! Right hand for X-Pac, rolled back in - 'Pac manages an elbow in the back as Kane comes back in. Whip is reversed, Kane catches X-Pac's spinning heel kick attempt, puts him down, powerbomb coming up - GOOD NIGHT. 1, 2, 3. Champ rekanes. (4:16) Post-match, Credible and Albert attack from behind - make it a tripleteam, but Kane punches back...until Albert manages a Baldobomb. Albert lets Kane know he ain't nothin'. Play their music! Albert goes after Long for good measure.

In the locker room, Foley apologises to Jericho for the errant chairshot. He offers him a giftwrapped book in the hopes it'll smooth things over. "Listen, Mick, I appreciate what you tried to do, I really do, but I just wanted to let you know, for next time--" "Stay out of it?" "Yeah. When I finally become WWF Champion - and I WILL become the WWF Champion - I just wanna let you know, I'm gonna do it by myself - 100%, with nobody's help."

"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad - people in this ad not currently on TV: Triple H, Chyna, Rikishi, both members of Too Cool, and of course the Rock. Well, at least Lita and Tazz were on this show - but...neither of THEM are actually WRESTLING....ohhh my

(By the way, you're watching UPN)

COMMISSIONER REGAL (with TV-PG-DLV & Transmitido en espanol SAP boxes) is out to share a few words. "My friends...I usually come out here full of good cheer. But tonight, I am in a foul mood. When I took over the office of commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation, I did so to ensure decency and fairness, and last Monday night on RAW, I attempted to do just that. But lost Monday night, this company was disgraced by the presence of that filthy, miserable specimen Mick Foley. Mick Foley almost caused a huge tragedy here in the World Wrestling Federation. Last Monday night on RAW, Mick Foley was about to attempt to... ["Fo-ley!"] Mick Foley was going to rob Stone Cold Steve Austin, to besmirch the World Wrestling Federation Championship, and everything that it stands for if I didn't heroically step in. Please, roll the footage. There we go - Mick Foley going to call for the bell when it's obvious that Stone Cold Steve Austin had no intentions of tapping out. Now here I valiantly saved the World Wrestling Federation Championship. Mick Foley, let me make one thing very clear to you. You are no longer the WWF Commissioner - I AM! And as commissioner, I request, NAY I DEMAND that I be treated with dignity, honour and respect! Last Monday night, I stopped a tragedy taking place, and this is what I got in return, please. Now where's the respect? This is disgraceful! I am a man of honour! And a man of honour does not have his throat violated by a bloody tube sock! It's barbaric, it's bloody barbaric! Mick Foley, when you were commissioner of the WWF, everything was one big party, wasn't it? Just like one of those awful amusement parks that you're so fond of. Well let me inform you of a little something - the world does not work like that, and everyone knows, as each and every one of my friends here knows, that I am a FAR better commissioner than you EVER were. You prance around the halls thinking you're still in power, but let me tell you something sunshine, you're not in power anymore - I AM! You think you're so special because you're a writer - the great William Shakespeare would be turning over in his grave if he knew that you were #1 on the New York Times bestsellers list. Now William Shakespeare, HE was a writer - you are nothing but a dirtly, foul, insignificant, pathetic pillock!" Well, you didn't think he'd let THAT heavy artillery stand, do you? Here comes MICK FOLEY, who apparently came all the way to SmackDown! merely to apologise to Jericho - woof. Nobody wishes him a happy birthday - then again, no birthday wishes for CRZ either, yuk yuk. "Now William Regal, I'm just a little bit confused because, as you were nice enough to point out, I am a New York Times #1 Bestselling Author...but I ah, I don't know what the hell a pillock really is. But it's nice enough of you to compare me to the immortal William Shakespeare...I'm gonna paraphrase Shakespeare from his immortal work Julius Caeser, when he said 'Is that a horse's ass that I see before me?' Thank you! And it is true that I am no longer the WWF Commissioner - you are. 'cause after all, when I was the commissioner, the WWF, well the WWF was actually...FUN to watch! But I will give you credit, William - I will give you credit, William - you are a FAIR commissioner; after all, it was in total fairness that you allowed Mr. McMahon to interfere and cost Chris Benoit the WWF title last week - that was a fine piece of commissionary work. And it was honourable and fair when you yourself, the commissioner, interfered as Stone Cold Steve Austin was about to tap out to the new WWF Champion, Y2J! Now, as Shakespeare, I'm feeling that influence, as he once said... 'to be(smirch) or not to be(smirch) - THAT is the question.' And my answer, my answer is...I AM going to besmirch you, In That Very Ring, right here at the University of North Dakota...with the help of my foul-smelling foot friend, Mr. Socko!" "YOU will be doing no such thing! The only place that you'll be going tonight is outside, and hopefully out of my life forever! Security, get this bloody idiot! Come on, do your jobs, get him! Security, do your bloody jobs and get him!" "All right, all right, listen." "Get a bloody hold of him and throw him out." "I'm going to go peacefully, but I just wanted to say one more thing. Have a Nice Day!" "Apparently, my good man, Foley is not Good - Foley is Gone - bye-bye." Regal's music plays again...and he breaks into a smile, and a friendly wave. Foley hosts Heat on Sunday, by the way...

We watch the four cops and Foley walk to the back door. "To tell you the truth, I don't know WHY I made so much fun of Test in the book - he's actually pretty good! Any of you guys got kids? Bring this home - kids LOVE Mr. Socko! There's something about that guy... Don't forget to buy Foley is Good - it's available at bookstores everywhere!"

Meanwhile, Shane McMahon is WALKING! He rounds a corner and does a double-take - no, it's just Test. "That WCW invasion thing - man, it's going GREAT! You're driving your old man CRAZY, he's going nuts!" Shane asks where Taker's at. Test tells him that's a big don't go there, but Shane says it's something he's gotta do...

WWF Shop Zone spot

Chyna shills Stacker 2 - again

You're watching WWF SmackDown! (On UPN?) Yeah! On UPN!

Take a look at WWF New York - Heat'll be here on Sunday, and so will Mick Foley!

Courtesy: ABC News, here's a snippet of the "ABC World News Tonight" segment on Mick Foley

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Check out JARED & NICHOLE GIFFEY in the front row! They got married here at the arena right before the show! Tazz: "That just shows there's somebody for everybody..."

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, the JVC Gigatube, and "The Fast and the Furious") v. R2DICALZ (with Nipples & Let Us Take You Back to RAW) - Saturn tries to give Malenko a big hug on their way to the ring, but Malenko doesn't exactly like him like that - RAW clip is fuzzed out when Saturn opens his trenchcoat - either I missed something Monday or they're trying to make this worse than it was. Bubba Ray casts a longing gaze Terri's way, for continuity's sake. Saturn starts with him as the WWF Live crawl appears for the second time. Lockup..no go. Let's try it again, Saturn with a waistlock, Dudley with a back elbow, Saturn with a forearm to the back, another back elbow, another forearm. Dudley spun around, gutshot, into the ropes is reversed, Saturn up and over, exploder! Saturn tries a whip, but Dudley reverses it and pulls him into a Samoan Drop. Tag to D-Von, into the ropes, double flapjack. Cover - 2. Right, right, right, into the ropes, Saturn reverses into a knee in the gut, into the ropes, but D-Von hits a crossbody for 1. Right hand by D-Von, into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. Crowd chants "Sable" - sorry, "table." Tazz wonders why Malenko hasn't helped out his partner yet. Test vs. Edge to come! Into the ropes, head down, Saturn with a kick, and decapitates him with a clothesline. There's the tag. Drop toehold by Dudley as he comes in - right, right, gutshot by Malenko, right, forearm in the back, right, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Into the ropes, nice heel kick - 1, 2, Dudley kicks out. Saturn, meanwhile, is eyeing...something out on the floor. Back in the ring, Malenko with a forearm, into the ropes, head down, kick by Dudley, ducks off the ropes, and flies with a clothesline. Both men are down and referee "Blind" Mike Chioda puts on the count. Both men crawl for a tag, but Saturn is still preoccupied with something at the timekeeper's table. Bubba Ray DOES get a tag - right, block, right, into the ropes, big back body drop, scoop...and a slam. Into the ropes, sidewalk slam, leg is hooked, 1, 2, no! Looks like Saturn is examining the empty eyeglass frames the Dudleyz wore out to the ring. Big slap by Bubba Ray - into the opposite corner, Malenko up and onto the shoulder...Bubba Ray throws him off. "What Are You Doing?" FINALLY Saturn is....on the top rope? He's wearing a set of frames and looks to be saying "wazzup." The Dudleyz shrug, and part Malenko's legs - Saturn dutifully puts his head in Malenko's graun. Looks like he cut up his cheek with the spex as well. "D-Von!" Saturn picks up a mic. "D-Von - (shove) - get the muffins! You're welcome." Saturn turns back into 3D (Dudley Death Drop) - D-Von covers - 1, 2, 3. Neither man was legal, but that might have gotten in the way of the (ahem) storyline. (5:03)

"Finally, we're alone." I guess they don't see the dude with the camera. "Isn't there something that you wanted to give me?" "As a matter of fact, there is..." but here come Kai En Tai. "Aha! It's a (?) you two are in love. We, however, are against love because we are EEEEEEVIL." "Indeeed." "Come on, let's get out of here." "Wait! Wait! You can stay, as long as we can watch. We...haven't been out much, and need some excitment in our lives. We are...very, very LONELY." "Indeed?" "Come on, Molly." Looks of shock on the men from Japan. Those poor kids, you just KNOW they're not gonna get another chance to kiss until next Monday

"WWF Magazine" ad

"Please don't try this at home" PSA

Once again, Shane is WALKING! He finds Kane and asks where he is - too bad he didn't see him right behind him, as Taker grabs Shane and throws him into the door. "You lookin' for me? Huh? You better start talkin'." Into an ice machine - repeatedly. Finally, Kane breaks it up. "Listen to me! Listen to me. I can smell the stench of deceit here. Shane is tellin' the truth! He's TELLING the truth!" Umm, what did Shane say? Apparently, he doesn't know who it was...but it wasn't him. Taker gives the ice machine another big soupbone...then slides down against it.

Our hosts proclaim Taker "an emotional wreck." Cole says this is no longer about sports entertainment - is that irony?

The WWF Overdrive of the Week is brought to you by Greyhound! From Earlier Tonight, Jeff Hardy wins the light heavyweight championship - and we NEVER see Jerry Lynn again

2Xtreme are WALKING! right out of the building - belts on shoulders

Meanwhile, Edge & Christian watch this on a monitor. "Unbelievable! Both Hardys with singles titles. Must be nice to have some kinda singles accomplishment." "Yeah - maybe like winning the 2001 King of the Ring?" "Exactly!" "Yeah - well I'm gonna take the first step towards that tonight by winning my first match!" "Yeah? And that's why I'll be in your corner cheerin' for ya." "Yeah, and maybe I'll be cheering for you during your matches, too!" "Good - well I guess we're cheerin' for each other, then." "Yeah, I guess we are, and...you know wouldn't it be a dream come true if maybe we met in the finals?" "I'm dreaming about it right now." "Yeah, well...maybe we should just go follow our dreams then." "Fine." "Fine." "Good then." "Yeah. Totally great!" "Yeah. Reeks of awesomeness!" "Yeah. You said it!" "Yeah - sweet!" Can you cut this tension with a knife? No? Oh.

Tough Enough ad

Hey hey - Subway brings the WWF Slam of the Week! From RAW, Rhyno goes over Tazz in a tough opener to start HIS journey to the King of the Ring

McMahon is suiting up - Regal enters and offers to be the first to congratulate him on his tag team title win. McMahon says it isn't a done deal yet, but Regal "practically guarantee" that that will be the case. "Well, Commissioner, that's one thing I like, is guarantees. There's a hearty handshake and smiles all round.

KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST (with Foley on the Tonight Show hype) v. EDGE (with Christian & wwf.com logo) - kick by Test, head whip to the mat, muscled into the corner, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp, hiptoss out of the corner, running clothesline in the corner, clothesline takes Edge to the outside. Christian offers moral support...Test out and head faking him away. Turning back to Edge...the chase is on...Edge back in the ring, Christian ducking down to surprise Test with a clothesline. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton kept his eyes locked on Edge and missed it. Edge back out - knee first onto the barricade! Edge kicks the knee from behind - yanking on the leg and kicking the back of the knee again. Rolled in, rolled out, Test put back in, Edge clips him. Elbowdrop on the knee. Now working on a leglock - I think he's picked his body part. Another stomp on the knee. Kicking the knee - hooking the leg over the second rope and pulling away - Test with a right to the back of the head to break it - another right hand finds the mark. Edge with a knee to the knee. Right hand. Kicks the knee. Snapmares him out of the corner - Edge yanks on the foot - going for a spinning toehold, but Test kicks him into the corner, then rolls him up as he staggers out for 2! Edge back to the clip to regain control. Leg across the bottom rope - knee to the knee, again. Springboard buttdrop on the knee. Cover - 2. Elbowdrop to the knee. Again Edge cranks on the lower leg. Edge outside to ... wow, going for the ringpost figure four (!) but Test kicks him away, into the barricade. Test works the limp as Edge comes back in - right, right by Edge, right by Test, right by Edge, Edge ducks the next one, kicks the leg - off the ropes...into a tilt-a-whirl slam from Test! Edge back to his feet - Test clotheslines him down. Edge ducks the next one but Test hooks the swing to hit Uncle Slam (from a Canadian?) - Christian on the apron, Test makes a lunge but misses...then turns back to eat the infamous Edge spear. Edge gets an arm on him - 1, 2, NO! Edge wants a scoop, but Test goes behind - right, into the ropes, Edge ducks the boot, Test with a gutshot, Meltdown - 1, 2, Christian puts the leg over the bottom rope. Test brings Christian in by his hair, DOES land the really, really big boot - but at the cost of REALLY hurting that leg...making him easy pickin's for Edge's gutshot and implant DDT - 1, 2, 3. Edge advances. (5:51)

The tag team champions are WALKING!

This Sunday on Superstars, a special look at the Rock at the MTV Movie Awards! TNN is the place!

Yep, it's SmackDown! - you're watching it - on UPN - it'll be back in a moment - bah

CHRIS BENOIT (with "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover) and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO v. COMMISSIONER REGAL? - hold on, we need a twist before we sneak in the final ad break. "Now hold on, Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit - before your title match against Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin, it is my duty to inform you of your NON-title match which will take right now against your opponents, the APA." Huh, here they are - and here we go - Pier Four brawl to start - Faarooq tosses Jericho and goes out after him - Jericho reverses a head to the post and Faarooq is down. Bradshaw working over Benoit in the ring - into the ropes, big back elbow. Overhand forearm to the back. Into the ropes, Benoit ducks a clothesline, crossbody caught...but Jericho clips Bradshaw down. Kick in the gut by Benoit, chop, chop, right, Faarooq working on Jericho again. Into the ropes, big boot by Bradshaw. Tag to Faarooq. Open shot, forearm in the back, forearm - Benoit is up, chop, chop, kick, off the ropes...but Faarooq hits the spinebuster. 1, 2, Benoit gets the shoulder up. Tag to Bradshaw - into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Faarooq gives Jericho a free shoulder before going back to his corner - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner follows him back, allowing Jericho to come in behind his back and forearm Bradshaw, which in turn allows Benoit to escape the powerbomb attempt by countering it into a backdrop. Ducks a clothesline - German suplex! Both Benoit and Bradshaw are down - both men rolling...and both men tag! Jericho ducks the clothesline, right, right, chop, into the ropes is reversed but Jericho hits the flying jalapeno! Shot for Bradshaw, bulldog for Faarooq, ducks Bradshaw's clothesline, double leg takedown, going for the Walls but Faarooq brings a clothesline off the ropes to break it up. Double powerbomb coming up - well, Faarooq just kinda watches Bradshaw powerbomb Jericho and taps him on the way down instead - Benoit in to knock Bradshaw out of the ring, gutshot for Faarooq to break up HIS powerbomb attempt, Jericho breaks free and Benoit DDT's Faarooq. Jericho off the ropes with the Lionsault - it hits the knees but that's not in our storyline so let Jericho cover for the 1, 2, 3. (2:42) No sooner is the announcement of the winners concluded than Regal pipes up. "Cut the bloody music! Stop the bloody music now! That was very impressive - so impressive, in fact, that you can have another nontitle match, this time against your opponents, the Big Show & Rhyno!"

CHRIS BENOIT & CHRIS JERICHO (already in the ring) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW & RHYNO THE MAN BEAST - here we go - Rhyno hits the ring and gets doubleteamed - into the corner, gutshot by Benoit, bulldog off the ropes by Jericho, clothesline by Benoit. Show in - double kick, double right, double right, whip - no, Show double clotheslines them both down. Jericho put in the corner, well it's a big slap - into the opposite corner, boot up by Jericho. Ducks a clothesline - but Show has the choke. Benoit in to try the crossface - Show uses his arm to toss Benoit out of the ring. Jericho with a forearm to the face, forearm, forearm, forearm, gutshot, off the ropes...Show presses him up and lets him drop. Well it's a big headbutt. Show tosses him to his corner. Well it's a big knee in the gut. Tag. Kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, kick. Rhyno firmly in command, right, into the opposite corner, spear. Stomp. Head to the corner, tag to the Show. Well it's a big kick in the gut, kick, kick, into the ropes, well it's a big sidewalk slam. Show looks to Benoit...and smiles. Show has Jericho up - well it's a big straight right hand. Jericho looks out. Tag to Rhyno. Kick in the back, kick, kick, right hand, Jericho kicks back, Rhyno chops, chop, chop, headbutt, right, into the opposite corner, going for another spear but Jericho sidesteps it. Jericho crawls to Benoit - Rhyno has the leg - Jericho with an enzuigiri and they're BOTH down. Tag to Show - HOT TAG TO BENOIT! Duck, gutshot, chop, right, chop, kick, chop, whip is reversed (that NEVER works) but Benoit avoids the double sledge - waistlock - somehow I doubt the German suplex - Show elbows out, gutshot, scoops him up...but before he can finish, Jericho is flying in with a missile dropkick to the pile! Rhyno charging - Benoit steps aside and puts him outside the ring. Walls of Jericho! Crossface! Show has to ... no, he DOESN'T give it up - Rhyno is back in with a chair - WHACK to Jericho (DQ 4:38), WHACK to Benoit, stomping away on Jericho as Show gets up and gives Benoit ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. And Jericho gets the GORE! GORE! GORE! Well it's a big kneedrop for Benoit. ahhhhhhTHESECONDCHOKESLAAAAAM. Out on the floor, a second GORE! GORE! GORE! for Jericho as well! Rhyno stomping away on Jericho - choking Jericho while Show chokes Benoit. More REFS are out but it's not exactly helping the champs any. "Big" plays again and Show and Rhyno *finally* leave. Regal is back. "You fellows are so impressive. Now I would like to introduce to you your official opponents for your tag team championship match this evening - Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin!"

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS BENOIT & CHRIS JERICHO (already in the ring) v. MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN & BILLIONAIRE VINCE - Hmmm, I guess I was wrong about that ad break. Jericho is out cold on the floor and Benoit ain't moving in the ring. Austin is in - no, wait, McMahon wants to get the pin on Benoit. Austin complies and McMahon covers - 1, 2, NO! Jericho pulls Austin off the apron and now THEY'RE going at it on the outside - Austin puts Jericho in Cole's lap. Another cover by McMahon - another 2. And now Benoit has Vince in the crossface! Will he tap? Will Austin save him? Austin saves him with a boot to the head. Austin back to his corner - McMahon staggers over to tag out. Here comes Austin - KICK WHAM NO Benoit holds the waistlock - German suplex! Holding on for two! Holding on for three! Holding on for FOUR! McMahon decides he'd better do something and comes in with a forearm to the back. McMahon slapping away on Benoit's head - now booting him repeatedly in the gut. Crowd chants "asshole." Finally, Hebner gets McMahon back to his corner. Benoit with a right to Austin, right, into the ropes is reversed...and Austin tosses Benoit out, where he crumples in a heap next to Jericho. Austin out, grabbing Benoit - front suplex onto the commentary table! Austin runs at Jericho with a lariat. Jericho gets a taste of commentary table as well. Austin back in, bringing Benoit with him. Benoit sat on the top buckle - Austin with a chop, slap of the face, chop, slap, chop, merciless - Austin to the second rope - Austin to the TOP rope - SUUUUUPEEEEERPLEEEEEX!!!!!! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, BENOIT KICKS OUT!! Austin can't believe it...but he's got one trick left. Austin locks Benoit in the CROSSFACE! Amazingly, McMahon doesn't have anybody ring the bell. FINALLY Jericho is pulling himself back in the ring - running elbow breaks it up. McMahon in - Jericho with a double leg takedown - and the Walls of Jericho!! McMahon taps (well, "pitty pats") - but he's not the legal man! Hebner wants him to break it up, McMahon is screaming - behind his back, KICK WHAM STUNNER and Austin has the leg hooked! Hebner misses it - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Austin lets go and gives Jericho a lariat to break his hold on McMahon. KICK WHAM STUNNER for Jericho. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Jericho rolls outside - Austin giving Hebner the badmouth - but backing into a schoolboy from Benoit - BENOIT HAS THE TIGHTS - 1, 2, 3!! Champs RETAIN and Benoit just pinned Austin! (4:17) Austin can't *believe* this bullshit - Vince sneers - Benoit & Jericho stand in the aisle, each with a championship belt raised above their head. That's our final shot.