TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: Or as I like to call it, the Austin show - go read the RAW report during this three minute set of clips

Opening (close captioned logo) credits

HERE A PYRO, THERE A PYRO - once again it's on and tonight it's the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD - transmitido en espanol SAP on Flag Day, 14.6.1 (taped 12.6) on UPN and the Score, THIS is SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle - one more time!

TONIGHT: Tag team championship - Jericho & Benoit vs. Edge & Christian!

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. CHRIS BENOIT & CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - I *think* the graphic just SAID we were gonna have this match. Tonight: Austin! (What else?) Apparently, he's got a petition in hand - we'll learn more about that tonight. Also tonight: a night of titles! In addition to this match, Kane puts it down against Albert, Rhyno lays it out, Matt Hardy defends, and the last two KOR Qualifiers! Cor! But it all starts now with Christian and Benoit in the middle of the ring. Kick by Benoit, Christian kicks back, Benoit kicks, Christian kicks, Benoit, Christian, Christian, right, right, right, right, Benoit switches positions in the corner - seven kicks, and two big rights. Benoit stomps on the head, continuing to kick away. Crowd is *so* impressed with Benoit...they chant "Y2J." Referee "Blind" Jack Doan not having much luck getting it out of the corner until now - whip into the opposite corner is reversed, but Benoit gets the elbow up - chop! Chop! Chop! Snap suplex! Into a cover, but only gets 2. Christian surprises him with a knee to the gut. Forearm to the back. Tag to Edge...who runs into a knee and flips out. Hard into the buckle, gutshot by Benoit, gutbuster, head to the buckle and Jericho's in - doubleteam kicks, Jericho puts Edge in the rope, big back elbow. Knee by Jericho, knee, double underhook, into a backbreaker (wow) then covers for 2. Right hand, into the ropes, Edge ducks, sunset flip off the ropes but Jericho rolls through, going for the Walls but Christian comes in - Jericho lets go, then knocks down Christian, who rolls out. Kick for Edge, into the opposite corner, Jericho follows - going for the bulldog but Edge has that scouted - ducks, and hits the Edge-o-matic! Edge to his knees - five quick rights to the head, and a tag out. Christian with the open kick, forearm in the back, kick, right, right, right, right, right. Jericho put into the ropes, wow nice dropkick by Christian - 1, 2, no! Put in the unfriendly corner, Edge gets on the choke while Christian goads Benoit into providing ample distraction for the zebra. Christian with a right, Jericho kicks back, Christian, annoyed, kicks and unloads a right. Tag to Edge. Right by Edge, European elbow knocks Jericho down. ANOTHER quick tag. Jericho put in the ropes - Edge down on all fours for a boosted splash but nobody's home for Christian! Jericho with the bulldog on Edge! Hmm, maybe he should have tagged again - ah, but he DOES make that HOT HOT TAG! HERE comes Benoit - left-handed lariat for Edge, same for Christian, ducks a swing from Edge, snaps into a waistlock and German suplex with a release! Ducks a swing from Christian - ANOTHER German suplex! Now has Edge - German suplex #3! Again Christian swings - Benoit grabs the arm and drops down - CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Edge starts to make the save but Jericho heads him off...which causes Doan to work very hard to get Jericho out of the ring, as opposed to, say, noticing Christian TAP right behind him. Edge is in with a tag team belt - and a big shot for Benoit! Edge runs over to Jericho to give HIM a free right hand, then slides out to run back over to his corner. Christian and Benoit are both out in the centre - Christian manages to roll over and put an arm on Benoit - 1, 2, NO!! Christian can't believe it - blatant choke. Front headlock applied. Benoit lifts Christian up and takes two steps to his corner. Again, Benoit gets a bit closer. Benoit with a backdrop and a right hand to the face - Edge decides he'd better come in - sure enough, Doan MISSES THE TAG! Edge makes the illegal switch and stomps away on Benoit - also a blatant choke - cover, 2! Edge with the slow swing into the neckbreaker - 1, 2, no. Right hand, into the ropes, Benoit ducks the clotheline, crossbody by *Benoit* for 2! Edge grabs a leg and pulls him away from Jericho - tag to Christian. Stomp to the head as Edge continues to hold his leg. Christian brings Benoit up - Benoit strikes. Elbow in the gut, elbow, right, Euro forearm, off the ropes but Christian gets the gutshot - and his Slop Drop backbreaker! 1, 2, Jericho saves! Christian goes to a chinlock. Crowd comes alive - or tries to. Tag to Edge - Christian holds the headlock until Edge can kick him. Forearm in the back. Snapmares him over - HE goes to a chinlock, adding a knee between the shoulderblades. Again the crowd starts the clapping - and here he comes! Elbow by Benoit, elbow, chop, knee by Edge. Into the corner, tag to Christian - head to the buckle, into the opposite corner - but Benoit gets the feet up! Benoit charges...and runs into a clothesline. Christian on the second rope and he wants a double sledge - Benoit blocks it - belly-to-belly OVERHEAD suplex! Can Benoit FINALLY make that tag? Doan is up to 4 - tag to Edge - HOT TAG TO JERICHO!! Shoulderblock by Jericho, clothesline, off the ropes, flying jalapeno! Shot for Christian! Ducks an Edge clothesline, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed, Edge drops down, Christian takes ANOTHER shot as Jericho goes off the ropes, but Jericho falls into a SNAP small package - 1, 2, NO!! Edge puts Jericho in a corner - elbow up to stop the charge, though - Jericho up top...but Christian crotches him on the top rope! Christian repositions Jericho on top - not a STACKPLEX?? YES! Off the superplex, Edge and Christian untangle - Edge on top but Benoit is climbing as well - 1, 2, SWANDIVE HEADBUTT SAVE!! ALL four men are down and out - Doan puts on the count again. Your legal men are Edge & Jericho - Doan is up to five - at six Jericho crawls over to Edge - hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!! Christian up - trying to spear Jericho, but he steps aside - and Christian NAILS Edge! Benoit tosses Christian, Jericho with a LIONSAULT on Edge - cover, legs hooked - 1, 2, 3!! Champs retain! (10:43) Replays of the ending. When we come back - whoa, Edge just shoved Christian away! Christian isn't ready to stop talking about it as Edge tries to leave the ring... they're nose to nose... no, they're leaving the ring. Hmm....

King of the Ring spot

Maybe it's all old-timey of me and stuff, but I sure like THAT kinda "first twenty minutes" as opposed to Monday's....

Whoa, seems like a short ad break as we quickly hit the RC Cola Rewind! From Monday, Spike and Molly get all gooshy

And here's Spike and Molly sharing a look at the latest copy of RAW Magazine, which just happens to have a story on Molly therein. The other two Dudleyz walk up behind - "well, well, well, if it isn't Romeo...and Juliet. Spike, I think it's about time we had a little talk." "Go ahead, I'm listenin'." D-Von (to Molly): "ALONE. Get outta here." "Molly, it's okay, I'll catch up to you later." "Spike, what you did last Monday - that was a disgrace, man. I mean, you chose that girl over your own flesh and blood - over your own brothers, man! What's the matter witchyoo? What's goin' on in your head?" "Oh, I'll tell you what's going on in his head. He's thinking about himself - and he's thinking about her...because he sure as hell ain't thinkin' about us. So guess what? If you get into any trouble tonight....guess who WON'T be thinking about you." Spike waits until they walk off, and then cues the foreshadowing: "What kind of trouble could I possibly get into?"

KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. CAW CAW CAW (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover & wwf.com logo) - Raven sidesteps the tomahawk chop, right, right, right, right, right, Show shoves him into the corner HARD. Well it's a big kick and Raven tumbles outside. Show follows - head to the commentary table. Well it's a big slap on the chest. Well it's a big headbutt. Calling Hacksaw Duggan - Show is in the three-point stance - but Raven evades the shouldertackle and Show collides with the STEEL steps. Raven back in the ring - winding up for a big dropkick through the ropes...but it has little effect. Coming up: Kevin Kelly talks to Stone Cold Steve Austin! Raven tries to catch Show on his way back into the ring...stomp, stomp, kneelift, another kneelift, another, stomp, stomp, overhand right - Show, from his knees, shoves Raven into the ropes, but Raven comes off and puts a boot to the face. Show says "nah," grabs the goozle, screams "I own you" two or three times - ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - good night. (1:37) Show is IN the show - the seventh qualifier for the King of the Ring.

Backstage, Steve Austin is WALKING! He comes across Sergeant Slaughter and apologises for those Stunners he gave him all the way back. Austin, all smiles, offers a hearty handshake and asks how the family is. After the small talk, Austin offers his petition - which says it's unfair for him to have to wrestle Benoit and Jericho in a Triple Threat match. Slaughter says that it IS unfair, but from one champion to another, he'll sign the petition. Another handshake. Here comes KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY, who asks Austin to explain his petition. "The undersigned hereby agree with Stone Cold Steve Austin (that's me) that a Triple Threat WWF Championship match at King of the Ring is unfair and should be rescinded." Austin says he's been going to airports and shopping malls across America gaining signatures and support. Austin's all about the airports, isn't he? "I've got over a thousand signatures (including Sergeant Slaughter's) and I'm gonna present these signatures to Linda McMahon on RAW is WAR, and she's got no choice but to listen to the voices of the people, the supporters of Stone Cold Steve Austin, and change her mind about this match - that's what I'm doing." Kelly thanks him and starts to leave...but Austin invites him back. "You don't mind signing the petition, do ya?" "No sir." "Appreciate it - that line right there. I think you're a great announcer." "Thank you." Austin wishes his wife and child well...

Edge & Christian may be having their differences....but it looks like they're still hanging out with that giant bottle of Stacker 2.

"Tough Enough" debuts next week - here's the first of many ads

The scene: A fine restaurant. We spy the R2dicalz and Terri - Saturn playing with the decor...Malenko speaking: "You know, I'm starting to think this was a bad idea. I know Commissioner Regal gave us the day off and everything to go on this double date, and get Perry an opportunity to take a, take a rest but - I don't know, I just got some bad feelings about this." "You're nervous because you're married, aren't you?" "No, that's not it at all - it's just that my buddy set me up with this model, and I think I got a chance to score with this girl tonight, and I don't want your boyfriend here to make me look stupid, that's all." "Dean, this is not about you tonight, this is about Perry...and giving him a break...my God, I don't want his head hit again, you know, and I think he's finally starting to get better." The model (Sherry) is taller than all thre of them - or maybe it's the heels. Dean and Terri make their introductions, then... "Sherry, this is - well, this is Perry." "Hi Perry." Terri directs his attention away from the frame on the wall. "You smell like a Viking! You're welcome." Terri (softly): "Oh, God..." Dean: "It's gonna be some long night..."

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY (with Lita) v. K-KWIK GETTIN' ROWDY - tut tut, looks like rain, and Kwik is demonstrating the haute couture that one can only create when the raincoat of choice is of the clear plastic variety. Wow, it's sure been a while since I had to endure me some "Gettin' Rowdy," haanit? WWF Live crawl encroaches on our action as they tie up - side headlock by Hardy, elbow by Kwik, elbow, into the ropes but Hardy gives him a shoulder. Jeff Hardy defends HIS belt Sunday on Heat! Hardy helps him up - for an arm wringer - pounding on the arm - working that armbar, baby. Austin is looking for Jim Ross. Kwik takes him to the ropes - reversed whip - Kwik blocks the hiptoss attempt and manages a body scissors rollup (hey!) for 2. Hardy responds with a small package for 2. Both men back up - let's do it again. Lockup, hammerlock by Hardy - Kwik reaches behind and finds nothin'. Crowd can't stand all this wrestling stuff, I guess, because they chant "Lita." Kwik backs Hardy to the corner - and connects with a back elbow before breaking. Kwik with a charismatic schoolboy with his feet on the second rope - 1, 2, NO! Lita up on the apron to argue with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Hardy ducks, right, whip is reversed...and tragedy is narrowly averted as Hardy manages to pull up before colliding with his girl - Kwik takes advantage, however, with a forearm in the back. In the corner, kick, kick, right, whip is reversed but Kwik goes up and over - a superfluous backflip is Cole's cue to say "charismatic," of course - there's a Harlem sidekick! Kwik picks up Hardy but he fights back - right, right, right, into the ropes, Kwik ducks the clothesline, crossbody works for Kwik - leg hooked - 1, 2, no! Kwik goes to a front face. Lita starts the rhythmic clapping as Hardy rises to his feet. Hardy punches out but Kwik puts a knee in the gut, off the ropes, body scissors but Hardy reverses into a wheelbarrow suplex! Lita AGAIN starts pounding the canvas. Matt with a straight right. Kwik gets up to eat another right. One more right for Kwik. Sitout clothesline gets 2. Undertaker/Angle tonight! Kwik put in the corner, scoop...and a slam. Off comes the shirt SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL - second rope AHHHHHHHHHHdrop - 1, 2, NO! Hardy says that's it - signalling for the Twist of Fate - maybe took too long, as Kwik shoulders him into the corner before he can hit it. Hardy out, Kwik ducks the swing and hits a death suplex. Kwik going up! Looking around and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHing himself - that's probably a poor idea. Sure enough, Hardy gutshots him on his way down, Twist of Fate, 1, 2, 3. Back to Jakked for you, O Charismatic One! (4:19) Kiss for the winner!

Backstage we go, where a guy on the phone is busy affixing his signature to Austin's petition. "Oh my God I've got something to tell you when I get home - you are not gonna believe this..." Austin lunges at him to make him flinch...then walks on - there's Jim Ross and there's a startle! "Where ya goin', Jim? Huh? TALK TO ME FOOTBALL BOY! Heh heh heh... huh? How 'bout it there, hillbilly? You gotcher ears on? What's wrong, Jim, you announce for a living, all of a sudden cat got your tongue? You cain't talk to...STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Hehehe - talk to me - look at ya - got your shirt all pressed, got it starched up boy! You lose some weight? You look like a million dollars! Hehehe...(suddenly turns serious) - you know what this is." "Yeah, I know wha--" "Sign it. Write your stupid little name. J.W. Ross, whatever the hell it is, write it down." "I'll sign it...under duress." "Anything you want." Austin watches him walk away - and sneers.

And now, the Blast of the Night, sponsored by JVC's GigaTube something something! From RAW, Austin lays a major league beatdown on Tajiri.

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. What's up with that stalker? Sign behind them: "KAMALA STALKS SARA" Ahhh, I see....

Let Us Take You Back to RAW Where This Tape Played

Commentators react - how will Taker be affected...and how will Kurt Angle be affected, coming up next?

In the dressing room, X-Pac tells his mates that it takes gold to get noticed...and they need Albert to beat Kane tonight to get that gold. Kurt Angle comes in and agrees with them about the gold thing. Albert has Kane tonight - Angle has his brother. He suggests that if they all work as a team tonight, they can both get what they want. They think they probably COULD work together tonight. "All right! You X-Factor guys, you're pretty cool...Albert, X-Pac, Justin Credible...Justin...you know, if you say your last name immediately after your first name, it sounds like 'Just Incredible.' Get it? 'Just incredible!' Incredible!" "See ya, man." X-Pac snickers.

Meanwhile, at the restaurant: "...which is why orphans like porridge. You're welcome." "You are so funny! Dean, your friend is hysterical!" "Oh yeah, a real riot." "Hi, you ready to order?" "Yeah, thank God, you know, I think I'm gonna have--" "Do you have any dinosaurs?" "Excuse me?" "You know, some dinosaurs ate meat while others ate gravy." Sherry keeps laughing. Terri asks for a minute or two. "You're welcome!"

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, Regal commends Tajiri for stepping in on Monday against Stone Cold - despite taking a bloody good hiding. Regal says he'll get a chance to wrestle tonight. Tajiri says....something in Japanese. Regal says he'll be entered into the King of the Ring Tournament tonight. Tajiri is ready to explode with delight. At this point, Austin comes in - Tajiri craps his pants and cowers. (Look carefully to see where the set ends) "Relax, little fella. Relax. That was all a misunderstanding!" Regal readily offers his signature. "I think you're doing a great job. What about the little fella? WILL YOU SIGN - can he understand me?" Regal directs Tajiri to sign - Tajiri hands it back to Regal, though. Austin offers his hand to Regal - Tajiri bows instead of shaking. Austin bows, and Tajiri offers his hand. Austin goes to take it - another bow - Austin bows, Tajiri offers his hand...Austin leaves. "Thanks!" Tajiri goes back to his own special ecstasy.

Commentators shill "The Assignment"

TAKER (on his beautiful Transmitido En Espanol SAP, with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. KING KURT ANGLE - call me crazy, but I think this one just MIGHT be quick. "Undertaker, you had the audacity to interrupt me last Monday night on RAW when I was addressing Shane McMahon for no reason at all - so allow me to continue. I'm an American Hero! Oh it's true - it's true - in fact, I'm a SUPERhero! And the best wrestler in the whole entire world. Hold on a second! I was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame! And at King of the Ring, after I win back-to-back King of the Ring titles, I'll be the first ever WWF superstar to do so! So Shane McMahon, to wrestle you in a straight up wrestling match....that would be unfair! And since you happen to be from the 'mean streets of Greenwich,' I (Kurt Angle) challenge you (Shane McMahon) to a street fight! And Undertaker - Undertaker - I demand an apology from you! And since I know I'm not gonna get one, I guess I'm gonna come in there, and BEAT one out of you! It's true!" Angle ducks a soupbone and begs off - ducks another soupbone, right - nothing. Right - nope. Right is blocked - soupbone, soupbone knocks him down. Head to the buckle, back elbow, soupbone. Taker looks to referee "Blind" Tim White as if to say "Not tonight." Into the opposite corner, clothesline, BIG sidewalk slam, off the ropes with an elbowdrop - 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP! Blatant choke. Take chases White out of the ring, then goes back - but Angle surprises him with an elbow. Right, right, right, right, right, ANGLE argues with White...then runs into a big boot. Angle ducks a soupbone - and hits a death suplex! Right, right, right, right, right, kick, right, right, right, right, choke...White manages a break at 4. Angle back in - Taker just grabs him by the neck and puts him in the corner - soupboneleftsoupboneleftsoupboneleftsoupboneleftsoupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, stomp. Taker picks him up - into the ropes, head down, kick by Angle - no no. Taker swings and misses, but dumps Angle over the ropes to the floor on HIS charge. Taker out after him. Angle rolled back in the ring - Taker has some hardware - STEEL steps top half in the ring as you please. White telling him not to do it - somehow, I don't think he's listening. WHACK to Angle's head - that'll do ya. (DQ 2:36) Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - again White takes a dive rather than risk retribution for daring to attempt to enforce the rules. Here comes X-PACTOR & JUSTIN CREDIBLE - not much doin' there - chokeslam for Credible - chokeslam for X-Pac. I think Angle must have made his escape - Credible gets a second chokeslam...and X-Pac gets a Last Ride. BONG. Credible gets a something extra stomp just for grins. Taker decides to get on his bike and drive off into the ad break...

When we come back, Austin approaches John Demico (which I probably spelled wrong - no, I don't know who he is, leave me alone) - shakes his hand, then rubs his own hand on his shirt. Austin presents his petition and gets another signature. Then he calls him Don. Then he shakes his hand and wipes it off again. AUSTIN AUSTIN AUSTIN

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST v. RHYNO (THE MAN BEAST) - Coming up: Crash/Tajiri for the last KOR slot! Kick by Rhyno, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, big clothesline by Test. Back to the first corner, another clothesline. Through the ropes to the floor - I hope Test - NO, he DOESN'T Diesel over the top on his way out! How DISAPPOINTING! Right, right, right, whip into the barricade is reversed and Test hits hard. Rhyno goes treasure hunting and produces several garbage cans and signs. Test rolled back into the ring - Rhyno grabs the fire extinguisher but Test is ready with a trashcan lid - WHACK to the head! WHACK! Going for another swing...but Rhyno buries the fire extinguisher in Test's abdomen! Rhyno stomps, stomp, here's your Double Feature. Trashcan lid to the back. Right to the body, into the opposite corner, spear into the ribs. I think he's picked his body part. Rhyno perches on the turnbuckle, but before he can do anything off of it, Test just tosses a trashcan at his face. Test with a right, another right - Rhyno is STILL sitting on the top buckle - SUPERPLEX THROUGH A TRASHCAN! Test going for the Really, Really Big Boot but Rhyno ducks it - gutshot by Test when they turn around. Meltdown hits. Test hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!! Double Feature of the supertrashcanplex. Kane/Albert still to come! Test is outside - he's found a table. Back in the ring - Rhyno is waiting with a trashcan lid - WHACK! Rhyno positions the table in Goreland. Test with a boot to the midsection...got him up over the shoulders but Rhyno uses the momentum to drop to his feet - but Test manages a clothesline before Rhyno can gore him through the table. Test moves the table out of the corner and sets it up in the centre. Gutshot by Rhyno - going for a powerbomb but Test counters with a backdrop. Rhyno swings - Test hooks the arm and hits Uncle Slam. Rhyno on the table - Test climbing to the top. Could this be the famous Savage elbow through the table? YES!! But that took a lot out of Test - he's down, too. Oh, well here comes the sound and video of wCw - and here come the money as SHANE O MAC comes out to remind us that white men can't dance - he points backstage...and out comes STACEY KEIBLER, workin' the hips and those shorts are JUST a bit too short, not that I'm complaining, I guess, and Rhyno's eyes are LOCKED. Test - "here, catch this" - that's probably a Van Daminator with the garbage can, yup - boot to the can, to the head - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion. (6:35) Second time around for Test - SECURITY is out but Shane and Keibler are ready to leave anyway. Here's your replay.

Backstage, Austin gets Howard Finkel's signature - as well as a free rub of his noggin.

Chyna (who?) shills Stacker 2

King of the Ring ad #2

Here's a look at the exterior of the Baltimore Arena

During the Break, it was quite the escort as we took another look at the gams. Shane asks them to tell his father that WCW is definitely...heating up. Golly that new logo is soooooooo crappy.

KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCH: CRASH HAS NO LAST NAME (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, the JVC GigaTube, and Universal Pictures' "The Fast and the Furious" - sweepstakes at wwf.com!) v. TAJIRI (with Commissioner Regal - and Commissioner Regal's music) - Tajiri apparently brought his own gear. WWF Live crawl as we start. Feeling out process - Tajiri rolls through a tieup attempt - lockup, waistlock by Crash, Tajiri counters with an armbar. "ECW" chant goes ignored for storyline purposes. Tajiri moves to a hammerlock, Crash reverses to one of his own, arm wringer, Tajiri flips out into another arm wringer, Crash revereses, to a side headlock...chain wrestling to that hammerlock again - spinning Tajiri around for a right hand. Into the ropes, Tajiri holds on and stops himself. Crash runs at him, but Tajiri dumps him onto the apron. Crash tries to grab Tajiri's head - but Tajiri reaches back with a LIGHTNING back kick that almost takes Crash's head off and DOES send him to the floor. Tajiri dares him to come back in as we check the Doubel Feature. Knife-edge chop. Tajiri asks Doan to please shhhhh so we can all hear this slap. Crash reverses, slap, kick, kick, sat on top but Tajiri ducks under Crash's legs as HE climbs to the top - ohhh that's the Tree of Woe and it hurts when you stand on Crash's neck - well, it hurts *Crash* anyway. Tajiri winds up, backs up...and squeals into a baseball slide dropkick to Crash's head! Judging by the bugged-out-edness of his eyes, I think Regal likes what he's seeing. Tajiri nips up (oh come on) and puts Crash into the ropes - Crash ducks the clothesline, body scissors rollup surprises Tajiri for 2, but he pops up with another big superkick. Crash put into the ropes - Crash hangs onto the ropes and the roundhouse kick whiffs. Crash ducks the clothesline - European forearm, make it three - into the ropes, back elbow. Clothesline puts him down. Crash's corner whip is reversed, but he gets the boot up - nice missile dropkick! 1, 2, NO! Tajiri kicks out. Tajiri put into the corner - trying to leap up as Crash comes in - Crash's head between the legs - wrapped up in the ropes - that's the TARANTULA! Doan tries to get all this out of the ropes...and actually succeeds. Loud "ECW" chant. Tajiri with a gourdbuster - now signalling...winding up...and *unleashing* the BIG OL' KICK TO THE FACE. That'll do ya - legs are hooked, 1, 2, 3 - Tajiri will move on. (3:09) I don't know, I think that match probably SUCKED because there was no GREEN MIST. No, wait, that match RULED and YOU suck.

Austin is looking for the Big Show...and finds him on the john. Woo hoo, poo poo jokes! Fart noises! I wonder - is this part of that "attitude check?"

"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad - get it at Target

The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by Jared - and Subway! From RAW, Albert sneaks in a Baldobomb to help Christian get past Kane in their King of the Ring Qualifier

Here's a look at WWF New York!

Back to the restaurant where Perry and Sherry are conversing thusly: "Ready?" "Ready?" "I one the garbage can." "I... two the garbage can?" "I three the garbage can." "I four the garbage can." I five the garbage can." "I six the garbage can." "I seven the garbage can." "I eight the garbage can." "You ate the garbage can! She ate the garbage can! She ate the - she ate the garbage can." Waiter: "That's super." "She ate the garbage can..." Malenko: "Unbelievable! You know pigeons, they wear lipstick so they can get out of speeding tickets." "I don't get it." "She ate the GARBAGE can!" Terri pats his head. "You're welcome."

Kevin Kelly stands with Test. How does it feel to beat Rhyno and once again become hardcore champion? "Kevin, winning the hardcore title is one of the hardest titles to win - and with the 24/7 rule, it's even harder to defend - but hey, I welcome all challenges. And as far as Shane O Mac is concerned, Shane's a helluva guy...and it doesn't really hurt to have a little help from your friends. And how about that Stacey Keibler? How hot was that?" They get interrupted by a video on the Magic Window...

"Undertaker...you've left Sara alone again. Once again, Sara's hiding out. This time, though, with protection. Undertaker - there is no protection from me. Because what I want, Undertaker, is beyond what you've ever imagined. I'm tired of your gamesmanship, Undertaker - your twisted, sordid mind. It's time for me to come forward. It's time for me, Undertaker - it's time for MY dreams to come true."

We look back to the set, where Kelly and Test are gone - and Taker is seen watching the Magic Window. He grits his teeth and pounds on the wall...and takes off.

Cole asks us to imagine the angst and torment.

While Spike tells Molly how great the past few weeks have been, Molly says she's never felt this way before. Fortunately, we're spared a continuation of this line of chatter by Stone Cold Steve Austin. "Hahaha! Isn't this special? Hey Spike - the two little lovebirds, huh? Hehe - am I interrupting ya? Huh? Talk to me, you scared of me? You know what I got goin' don'cha Spike? You know exactly what's going on, you know what's going on? Never mind. I want you to sign it, Spike, I need to have your name on this thing. Right there, that's the King of the Ring deal, that's your little name, Spike. You sign it, your little bimbo girlfriend can sign it too--" "Ho...ho - what'd you call her?" "Molly. She's a bimbo, hadn't you heard?" "Hey - man, you can't go calling her a bimbo." "Well, I'll call her anything I want! I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin! All I need you to do is sign the damn petition, Spike! She's a golddigger, look at her!" "Look, I don't care what your name is, I don't care if you're Stone Cold Steve Austin, you can't talk about my girlfriend like that!" "Yeah I can" "No you can't." "I just did. She's a tramp!" "Well to hell with your damn petition then!" And he rips it up! "**You're not talking about my girlfriend like that!**" Off they go. Austin, stunned, looks at the remains of his petition in disbelief. Just as we head to break, he looks about ready to snap...

Moments Ago, Four or Five Sentences Ago

Regal congratulates Tajiri on a job well done - he can continue on in the King of the Ring on Monday night (hmmm, quarters on TV instead of the PPV, huh? Interesting) - suddenly, Austin barges in. "Commissioner, Commissioner! Look! L-L-Look what he did!" "Who?" "Spike! Spike Dudley! This is my contract, my petition, he ripped it all to shreds, he ruined every single thing I've done! And if he's gonna ruin my damn day, I'm gonna, I want that son of a (beep) tonight, in the ring, I want Spike Dudley - Stone Cold! Put the title on the line - oh yeah - I wanna defend the WWF title against Spike Dudley and I want you to make it happen!" Regal says he's got it.

WWF INTERKANETINENTAL TITLE: KANE v. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAALBERT (with Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight) - make it FIVE title matches tonight - Albert is alone thanks to Taker punking out his comrades earlier. Kane with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, Albert with a right, Kane, Albert, Kane, block, right, right, kick, back elbow, right, into the opposite corner - but Albert gets the boot up - off the ropes yaaaaaaah into a Kane powerslam, though. Albert blocks the head to the buckle and does yaaaaaah one of his own instead. Yaah kick, kick, yaaaah forearm in the back, yaaaah again. Into the opposite corner - yaaaaaavalanche misses. Kane with a running clothesline in the corner. Uppercut. Kane puts Albert into the ropes, reversed, Kane ducks the yaah clothesline, but Albert yaaah hot shots him. Yaaaaaaah bell clap. Yaaaaaaah stomp. Kane comes back with an uppercut - and another - Albert with a right - shoved into the corner - yaaaaaah press out - and drop. Albert with a running yaaaaaaah field goal kick. Yah right. Double Feature of the press. Kane fires back - right, right - Albert to the gut - double underhook yaaaaaah butterfly suplex - 1, 2, no! Yaaaaah headbutt MISSES. Kane right, right, whip is reversed but Albert puts the head down - Kane with a neckbreaker. Back into the ropes but Albert reverses and pulls Kane into yaaah but Kane ducks - Albert doesn't miss the next clothesline, though. Kane up in the corner - avalanche DOES find the mark this time. Whip into the opposite corner - head of steam but Kane gets the elbow up. Kane with a big boot. He's going out, he's going up - he's coming down with that trademark flying clothesline. Albert staggers into a scoop...and Kane hits a powerslam - but only for 2! Kane makes the international sign of the goozle - choke - NO, Albert counters into a DDT! Both men are down - Albert trying to roll - got an arm on him - 1, 2, NO!! Albert back to his feet - winding up - there's the bicycle kick! 1, 2, NO!!!! Kane kicked out of the pump kick! Albert's got one move left - and he sets up for the Baldobomb...but Kane dropkicks out of the attempt! Albert tries to come back - whip into the ropes - Kane ducks, choke - CHOKESLAM! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (5:23) Champ rekanes.

Back at the restaurant, dessert is served. "Here you go, and for the gentleman...a bowl of mustard...and a side order of crayons." "The blue ones are for fiber." "Uh huh." Sherry: "Here, try this." And she feeds him a bite of hers. Terri seems kinda annoyed. Dean seems kinda...well, he says "oh, kill me. Just kill me." Terri: "You know what? I have had enough of her. Excuse me." She whispers something in his ear and gets up. Dean slides over one seat. "Hey, Perry - LOOK! A spoon!" Terri is up from behind with a serving tray. "Say good night, Sherry!" She swings - but Sherry ducks and runs off - BONG - Perry takes the shot. Malenko: "Sherry! I'll call ya!" Saturn: "Yahtzee! You're welcome." Terri feels pretty bad, yup.

Tough Enough ad - again

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY (by his damn self) v. MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (with what's left of his petition) - Austin wastes no time running into Spike, running over Spike, and raining down on Spike with punches in bunches. Spike quickly leaves his feet - Austin just won't stop stomping. I think that's eighteen. Austin runs Spike into a cornerpost as MOLLY HOLLY bounds out. Austin using his own boot and the bottom rope as a vice on Spike's neck. Austin using BOTH boots on Spike's face. Big boot drop. Austin with a threatening glance to referee "Blind" Earl Hebner. Spike tries to pull himself up by Austin's leg - right hand, right, right, right, no effect - Austin rakes the eyes. "Austin sucks!" Head to the buckle. And again. Austin sails Spike over the top to the floor - and then goes out after him. Head to the STEEL steps. Scooped up - and throated on the barricade. Austin readies Spike - but Spike manages to counter, and it's *Austin* going over the commentary table! Austin rolls back to the floor - Spike barrels over him again! Spike with right hands - Spike is BITING him! Spike stomping away - but the whip into the steps is reversed and Spike hits hard. Austin rams Dudley's head into the commentary table. Back into the ring we go - CROSSFACE!! Austin lets go before Spike can tap - Austin with the WALLS OF JERICHO!! Look at Austin's eyes. Austin lets THAT hold go - he is a wild man, letting everyone in the audience look into his eyes. Austin picks Dudley up - and rams his head into the turnbuckle again. Forearm to the back - again - again - head to the turnbuckle. Spike's trick knee manages to act up just when Hebner finds himself not watching the action. Spike runs at Austin - but ends up running into a big spinebuster. Double bird, KICK WHAM STUNNER, Austin hooks both legs AND grabs the pants (just in case) - 1, 2, 3. (4:32) Austin grabs his belt and curls up his lips as he climbs the corner. Replay of the finish. Molly is in to check on her boyfriend...Austin turns back, looks in the ring....and heads back in - but not before waylaying TONY CHIMEL and grabbing his chair. Molly runs out - but Spike is a dead duck. Point of the chair right in Spike's sternum - again - three times. WHACK to the back! WHACK! WHACK! Molly comes in to check on Spike as Austin rants to the crowd - he turns back...and sees Molly in front of him...his eyes light up and he starts SMILING. Will he? No! Because CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO & CHRIS BENOIT are out and THEY also carry STEEL chairs. Austin swings for Benoit and misses - Jericho with a shot in the back! Austin rolls under the bottom rope and back up the ramp - play Benoit's music! Benoit and Jericho help Molly check on Dudley....while Austin grabs his back. Credits are up and we're out.