If it's UPN and it's Thursday....it must be UPN THURSDAY!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
INVASION: Go read the RAW report
Gimme another slice of BIG APPLE PYRO - for the second time in a week, we're coming to you from Madison Square Garden in New York City 28.6.1 (taped 26.6), transmitido en espanol SAP on UPN and the Score, THIS...is WWF SmackDown!
Just as on Monday, MR. McMAHON makes the first entrance. I think Vince smells something... "Do you smell it? It STINKS in here! Madison Square Garden used to be hallowed ground...no more. Madison Square Garden STINKS. Madison Square Garden stinks of the retch of W...C...W. I used to be proud to stand here in Madison Square Garden but no longer...because ever since last Monday on RAW, when WCW stars Mike Awesome, DDP and Booker T invaded this hallowed ground...no, I'm not proud to be in the Garden anymore. Madison Square Garden USED TO BE the most famous arena in the world! Hell it might as well be the Nassau County Colesium. There's no difference - none - the Garden will never be the same again. And Shane McMahon, from WWF New York - Shane makes the excuse - he makes the excuse... ["ass hole"] ...Shane McMahon uses the excuse of me blocking him from being on network television - he uses that as the excuse as to why he wants a little 'face time' for his WCW stars on my programming. Quite frankly, I'm doing all of you a big public servers by preventing my son (Shane) from airing WCW programming, believe me. However, as far as tonight is concerned - hey Shane, you want the WCW stars to come here tonight, to mess with us on SmackDown!? Well then come on down, Shane, because we're ready for you, we will kick YOU and your WCW stars' collective (beep)." Whoops - if "(Oh oh) WrestleMania" plays, you know LINDA McMAHON is coming out - hey look, there she is. "Well! What a pleasant surprise! My wife... (Linda)!" "Y'know, Vince...I know you didn't mean what you said about Madison Square Garden. I know how PASSIONATE you are about this facility - I know the years and years of McMahons and World Wrestling Federation that have helped build our house here - Madison Square Garden. I knew that even more when I watched all those classic moments last Monday night on RAW - Freddie Blassie, Gorilla Monsoon, talkin' about your dad...talkin' about his induction into the Madison Square Garden hall of fame - and I couldn't help but notice you left out one of the most passionate and emotional moments in recent Madison Square Garden history, so - I want you to take a look. Just take a look."
GARDEN CLASSICS: From the 7.12.2K SmackDown! "From this moment - from this moment on, the hell with WWF fans! From this moment on, the hell with my family! And as far as my marriage is concerned....as far as my marriage is concerned...I WANT A DIVORCE. I said I want a divorce - get out of my ring!"
"Wait a minute." Crowd boos. "Listen...I've changed." Oh boy. "I'm not that same man, I, I've changed, I - and I'm trying to be reasonable and trying to work this whole thing out with you so that we don't have to go all the way to the divorce stuff, but you know, Linda, you know I've changed, you know down deep that I'm a devoted, caring, adoring, loyal, faithful husband. And you know that somewhere down deep you know that I care very much for you and that...I still...still...love you." "What was that, Vince?" "You heard what I said." "You know, Vince, probably somewhere deep inside your twisted self, you really do love me, but sometime along the way, it kinda lost its position in your list of priorities - but I'm not here tonight to talk about whether you love me or not, I'm here tonight to talk about fairness, and doing things in the interest of fairness. You say you're a reasonable man - you say you're a changed man, but yet you would prevent your own son from having a program on network television. So, I suggest that since there are a lot of WWF fans as well as WCW fans who would like to see those WCW stars, that starting this coming Monday night, you allow WCW matches to be part of RAW, and part of SmackDown! - if you are a 'reasonable' man." "That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard! That's no more reasonable that you asking me for half of my money! HELL NO I won't do that!" "Well...you must be afraid of a....little healthy competition. So, let's try something else on for size. I have a better idea. Why don't we give ALL of these fans what they would *really* like to see - why don't we give them the ultimate event - the Super Bowl, the World Series, the Olympics all rolled into one - you know, we've got a pay-per-view scheduled for the end of July, called Fully Loaded. I've got an idea - let's make this huge event an Invasion. Let's make it WCW versus WWF! Are you afriad, Vince? Are you afraid of competition?" "Heh - heh - heh - I'm afraid of competition? You know what...YOU'RE ON. It'll be WWF versus WCW - it'll be called Invasion - and I'm gonna drive Shane McMahon and those WCW stars RIGHT OUTTA BUSINESS." Play "No Chance in Hell" again! Both of your commentators have chills and goosebumps! Huzzah!
Back in the locker room, an assemblage has...assembled. I spy Jerry Lynn, Al Snow, Kai en Tai, Essa Rios, Dean Malenko, Hardcore Holly, Raven, Rhyno, Justin Credible, Test, K-Kwik, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather and Haku - and the APA, ready to fire us up with another pep talk. Faarooq: "Hey, yo, hey, guys, guys, guys, HEY! Listen up, man. WCW - once again, they don't get it. They think this is a joke. But guess what. This is Madison Square Garden - the home that the McMahons, and each and every of you helped build. I don't know about you, but I haven't met a man yet that can walk into my home and take food outta my mouth, and I'll be DAMNED if I'm about to start it now. Now what Booker T. did Monday on RAW ain't gonna be tolerated - that ain't gonna happen. 'cause each and every time one of those punk (beep) try that, we're gonna be right there to kick it." "Everybody knows where you're s'posed to be, right? Everybody knows what door you're watching. Now these freeloading wannabes have the audacity to invade us? Then tell 'em just to come on, 'cause there's gonna be a fight in the Big Apple tonight! Boys it's time we got medieval on somebody's (beep) and it starts tonight!"
And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From King of the Ring, Edge taps out...but there's no ref. Thanks to Shane McMahon's interference, Edge ends up getting the duke - and winning the 2001 King of the Ring tournament!
KING EDGE & CHRISTIAN v. THA 1 BILLY GUNN and X-PACTOR (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) - Edge holds the KotR trophy approximately 3.5 seconds before Christian grabs it - and keeps it. Edge settles for relieving ring announcer TONY CHIMEL of his microphone. "I think we can handle this one - the Era of Awesomess would like to introduce one of our opponents in our tag team encounter tonight. Weighing 275 pounds...Billy Bitchcakes!" We are told that Gunn is so unhappy with things, he went out and got himself X-Pac as a partner for One Night Only. Gunn really wants Edge, but X-Pac convinces him HE should start. Kick by X-Pac, right, right, side headlock, grinding it in - Edge powers out, but 'Pac hits the shoulderblock. Up and over, Edge with the leapfrog, Edge with a nice powerslam - 1, 2, Gunn breaks it up - Christian over to give HIM a shot. Into the ropes is reversed, Edge runs into Christian, then runs into a heel kick. Tag out - stomp, stomp, stomp, Gunn runs his head into the post, right, right, right, badmouth, right. Into the opposite corner...winding up - but the splash finds an empty pool - tag to Christian - right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Christian ducks the punch - press attempt by Gunn - nope, Christian with his perpendicular backbreaker - in comes X-Pac, and HE gets a fireman's carry overhead gutbuster (!). Christian gives Edge a thumbs-up - but takes a little too long - turning back, he is met by Gunn with a clothesline. Later tonight, JR sits down with Mr. & Mrs. Taker. Head to the buckle, head to the opposite buckle, thrown down, mount, right, right, right. Got him by the hair...and into X-Pac's boot. Tag to X-Pac. Kick, right, kick, right, stomp, right, knee, knee, knee. Crowd thinks X-Pac sucks. Head to the adjacent buckle - knee, knee, gallop...broncobuster lands. Up to the second rope to pose...but Christian is up! POWERBOMB! Both men are down - tag to Edge! Ducks X-Pac's clothesline and follows through into a right for Gunn! Clothesline for X-Pac! Into the ropes, reversed, Edge ducks - and hits a Viscera kick. Gunn from behind - into the ropes, bringing him up, but Edge counters with a 'rana! (sorta) Gunn slides out - gutshot for X-Pac, and Edge hits the implant DDT - I mean, the Buzzkiller! 1, 2, 3! (3:52) Christian does his Kurt Angle impersonation with the King of the Ring trophy - or is it his Ray Borque impersonation?
To Mr. & Mrs. Austin in the dressing room. "That's my title belt...that's what the World Wrestling Federation is -" and he snatches it away lest Debra be TOUCHING it anymore. "Let me tell you something. If Booker T, had Booker T been at WWF New York when I got there last Monday, I woulda wrapped THESE hands around his scrawny little neck and I'da SQUEEZED AND SQUEEZED AND SQUEEZED - I woulda RIPPED HIM APART You saw it, you saw it the FEAR in his eyes is real, you can SMELL it! He FEARS Stone Cold Steve Austin! Had he - don't touch - had he been there, I could be in the jail right now for manslaughter. THAT'S WHAT--" Vince comes in at this point, breaking his train of though. "Hey Steve! Debra, how ya doing? Good, how ya doing?" "I'm doing pretty good 'til I heard what you said out there!" "Wait a minute - you don't have a problem with WCW vs. WWF Invasion?" "No, I ain't got a problem with it, man - my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, Vince - I ain't afraid o' nothing! Matter of fact, whether it's tonight or whether it's at Invasion, Stone Cold Steve Austin will get his hands on Booker T. - oh yes he will!" "I'm certain of that...but why are you upset about what I said?" "It's so simple, man - I thought you was a smart man, Vince. It's so damn simple! Listen! We gotta have WCW matches on WWF TV." "No way." "Why not?" "It's just not right!" "You afraid of competition?" "No I'm not af-- I'm Vince McMahon, I'm not afraid of competition! It's not right!" "Whoa whoa whoa - whoa, Champ - come here. Settle down. This is why you should have WCW matches on our TV." He whispers something...so Debra can't hear? Surely not so the CAMERAMAN can't hear - anyway, he points at Vince, points off camera, points back at Vince...and Vince's eyes light up. He smiles. "Uhh...that's...BRILLIANT. Yeah." "You get it?" "So this Monday on RAW, there're gonna be WCW matches...on RAW, and one week from tonight on SmackDown! There're gonna be WCW matches!" "Right!" "That's brilliant. I wish I'd thought of that!" "I thought you'd like it." "Yeah!"
COOL! 7-ELEVEN AD! SLURPEE!!
The attitude - the excitement! It's the WWF live - and Spokane, Tacoma and Tacoma can find out starting Sunday!
Wow, it's STILL the New York Skyline! Clock says "9:35" - hmm.
Backstage we go... "Spike, thank you so much for taking me to the Statue of Liberty. It was SO beautiful." "Yeah, but not as beautiful as you." Here comes Saturn to ruin this moment...mop in hand. "Sponges are beautiful because they get all soapy. You're welcome." And off he goes. "Ohhhhh-kay. Where were we?" Whoops, here's Crash. "What is this, the young and the restless? You know, I'm ashamed of what you've done to the Holly name - and you...Spike, short people like you make me SICK!" "Heyey, Crash, just because *you've* never kissed a girl, don't get hot at me." "You can't prove that! Thanks a lot, cousin. Listen, I stopped by here tonight because Jacqueline and I have challenged you both to a mixed tag. What do you think of that? Yeah, you know what? Jacqueline was real excited to find out she was gonna compete tonight when she found out what you said - when you said she wasn't good enough to be in Tough Enough!" "I didn't say that." "That's NOT what she thinks!"
Your hosts are MICHAEL STONE COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZ. Cole's got a lovely shiner on him from the attack last week.
Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where Page messed with another man's wife.
Earlier this week, Jim Ross gave us the sitdown with Taker and Sara:
Taker, I can only imagine the mood that you must be in; but Sara, unfortunately we've been reminded once again of what Diamond Dallas Page did to you and your husband the Undertaker Monday night on RAW, and...gosh, you must feel so - so violated, you know, so traumatized over this whole situation.
Traumatized? You know, it didn't feel too good having my hair *ripped* out of my head, JR. I didn't ask for any of this. Mark didn't ask for any of this. As a matter of fact, he's tried to keep me as far away from the business as possible. But Diamond Dallas Page changed all of that. Page wanted to be famous, so he went through me to do it. But I don't run away from my problems. And I think as Page found out last Monday night, I'm not afraid to fight either. I may not be the biggest, baddest dog in the yard...but if you mess with my family, I am the baddest (beep). As far as Diamond Dallas Page is concerned, he should be careful what he wishes for, 'cause everybody's more famous when they're dead.
Taker: We done? (removes mic) I'm outta here
"I mean, quite frankly, I - I know what you would do to Booker T, there's no doubt in my mind, but I think...*I* would kick Booker T's (beep) I mean I really do." "Yeah?" "Yeah. Come on in! I think I could - hey Kurt, how you doin' man? Good to see ya." Austin gets up and interrupts Angle's handshake by hugging Vince. Ha! "Umm...what - what brings you here?" "Well...actually I'm surprised to see you're looking so good." "What'd I do? I generally look pretty good.." "Well, last Monday night, I mean - Booker T really, really did a number on you. You all right?" "I've never felt better in my life. That son of a (beep) caught me from behind - you know that." "Yeah, yeah - I know that." "It wasn't fair!" "He did catch you from behind, okay, you're right, but the point is everyone was wondering what would have happened if Booker T. and (motions head) you know, Stone Cold crossed paths." Austin pops up. "What are you talkin' about, what woulda happened? WHAM! I'd'a beat his little (beep)! I'd'a knock them little teeth right outta his damn mouth, that's what woulda happened!" Well, maybe it'll happen tonight?" Vince: "What do you mean by that?" "Rumour is that Booker T's in the building. He's gonna be here tonight, yeah." "Well GOOD! Good! Yeah! Tell that sum(beep) I want some! He said come get some, I'll - (slaps Vince) you want some too, don'cha." "Damn right I do." "You ready." "You're damn right, we want som'a Booker T."
And now, the Blast of the Night, brought to you by the JVC GigaTube! From RAW, Albert interferes against Kane, preventing he and Taker from taking the tag team titles.
WWF INTERKANETINENAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KANE (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, JVC GigaTube, and PlayStation 2!) v. YAAAAAAALBERT with no disqualifications - Kane decides to go out and meet Albert on the ramp - block, right, right, right, right by Albert, right, kick by Kane, right, right, and into the ring we go - right, kick, right, back elbow. Kane is measuring these blows - by which I mean, pausing a lot between moves. Whip into the opposite corner - but Albert comes out with a scissors kick. Stomp - splash - 1, 2, no. Albert staying on him - right, uppercut, throwing him into the corner (wow!) - kick, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. And another stomp. Albert lifts Kane to his feet - and punches him. Pulled into a short clothesline. Tossed through the ropes...Albert out after him - big knee to the face, then making a Kane's head sandwich using the barricade and his knee. Head to the STEEL steps, however, is countered - and it's *Albert's* head bouncing off those steps. Albert grabs the bell - and ring's Kane's bell with it. All referee "Blind" Teddy Long can do is politely ask them to get back in the ring. Albert brings him back in - 1, 2, no! Tag team titles on the line tonight - Hardyz vs. Dudleyz in a table elimination match! Kane put in the corner - but he gets the elbow up to halt the charge! And sidestepping the avalanche attempt! Kane up on the shoulders - right, right, right - YIKES! DROPPING down with a FranKANEsteiner! (Not to mention looking like he dropped RIGHT on his own head on the way down!) Kane with a clothesline - another clothesline - right left right left right left right left right, right. PlayStation Double Feature of the 'rana and MAN Kane's neck looks unnatural as he goes down. Irish whip into the corner is reversed by Albert, but Kane comes back with the powerslam for 2. Kane making the international sign of the chokeslam...but Kane elbows out of the attempt. Off the ropes - Kane puts up the big boot. Kane going out...Kane going up...Kane coming down with the flying clothesline. Again he puts on the choke - and hits the chokeslam! But DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is out to surprise Kane - spinning him around and hitting the Diamond Cutter! And just like that, he's off. Hmm, somebody should have taught Kane how to take a Diamond Cutter. Well, at least he knows how to SELL a Diamond Cutter...he ain't gettin' up. Long's count is up to five as both men reach their feet - ohhhh BALDOBOMB! I think that's it. 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new intercontinental champion. (4:53) Can new Euro champion Justin Credible be far behind?
NEXT: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz, and - yes - "Boyz" is on the line!
Tough Enough premieres on MTV - TONIGHT!
Edge & Christian shill Stacker 2
Moments Ago, Four Paragraphs Ago
Austin won't take his eyes off Angle, and Angle is fully aware of it - but Vince isn't...he's busy talking. "As far as I'm concerned, this is all the Undertaker's fault - every damned bit of it! I mean, come on - DDP would not be here in the World Wrestling Federation if it wasn't for the Undertaker, the Undertaker said oh no no, DDP gets a Full Access pass - he can go anywhere he wants to, so therefore, with Kane losing the intercontinental title tonight, that's his brother's fault - that's the Undertaker's fault." "Well, to be honest with you, Vince, you know that old expression - 'where there's DDP, there's bound to be Booker T.' Heh - you know - heh." "That's an old expression?" "No...I just made it up." Austin glowers - Angle crosses his arms and shifts uncomfortably.
WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARD Y BOYZ (with Lita & the TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. THO SE DAMN DUDLEYZ (with Transmitido En Espanol SAP) in an elimination table match - The Dudleyz waste no time setting up two tables on the floor. The Hardyz dare them to come into the ring - and here they come - and here we go. Pier Four Brawl to start, back and forth - Bubba Ray tosses Matt outside and joins D-Von in a doubleteam on Jeff. Into the corner - Bubba Ray whips D-Von into a clothesline on Jeff, Bubba Ray with a sidewalk slam, D-Von with a second rope legdrop. Bubba Ray pops Matt off the apron. Scoop slam for Jeff by Bubba Ray, D-Von adds the headbutt to the graun, since referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas is trying to keep Matt in his corner. Now Bubba Ray takes HIS corner and we're finally one on one. Right hand by D-Von - into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. Head to the buckle, tag to Bubba Ray for the open shot to the ribs. Right hand. Bubba Ray puts him in the corner and slaps his chest. Right, right, knee to the face, into the opposite corner but Jeff climbs up top and springs off with his That's A Really Gay Name. Both men get tags, but only Matt's is HOT! Clothesline for D-Von, clothesline, ducks a clothesline from Bubba Ray, gutshot, DDT (sorta), D-Von reverses a whip into the ropes, but Matt gets the boot up on the charge - second rope ahhhhhhh drop. Jeff heads off Bubba Ray with a dropkick - hmm, all four men in again - D-Von into the corner, Poetry in Motion - Bubba Ray set up for the same, but he catches Jeff instead...and throws him off with a release powerbomb. D-Von whips Matt into a clothesline by Bubba Ray. D-Von goes outside to grab yet another table as Bubba Ray unleashes right hands on Matt. Bubba Ray measuring his rights - right, and...a right. Oh oh, Bubba Ray's going for his second rope senton - THAT NEVER LANDS!! and sure enough, Matt is out of the way. Meanwhile, D-Von is setting up Jeff for a superplex through a table - but Jeff is fighting back - now shoving D-Von off! Bubba Ray is JUST in time, removing the table before D-Von can slice open his head on the edge (or even go through it, I guess). Hey, Lita is in - there's a Cheatingcanrana on Bubba Ray! Korderas gets her to leave. Matt with a gutshot on D-Von, Twist of Fate, Jeff is poised on top as Matt puts D-Von on a table - crowd chanting "Lita" (sigh) and Jeff hits the SWANTONBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! D-Von is out. Bubba Ray pulls Matt out to the floor, then ducks a charging Jeff, hitting a back body drop over the top rope to the floor - oh and THROUGH TWO TABLES so HE'S out as well. Matt is back up - climbing the ropes - flying clothesline lands. But - yikes - it's WCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS CHUCK PALUMBO & SEAN O'HAIRE and Matt and Bubba Ray don't have much of a chance. Palumbo with a right hand for Hardy - O'Haire with a fireman's carry spinebuster on Dudley (wow!) JUNGLE KICK for Hardy! O'Haire bounds to the top rope with one leap - SEANTONBOMB on Hardy! And what a beaut - here comes GOODFATHER, BULL BUCHANAN, HAKU and RHYNO (THE MAN BEAST) down the ramp but they're already on their way out over the barricade...but what they hadn't counted on are the DOZEN OR SO GUYS blocking their way through the tunnel - MAJOR beatodown ensues - Palumbo put back over the barricade, where Rhyno is waiting with a GORE! GORE! GORE! Bradshaw is WAILING on O'Haire. Palumbo put in the ring - BIG clothesline in the corner by Goodfather, Buchanan with a right, and Haku gets stompy on him. Crowd is NUTS. A table is put in the ring as O'Haire is put in the ring - Faarooq gives Palumbo a spinebuster through the table. Bradshaw with a powerbomb through a table for O'Haire. Play the APA's music!
Oh yeah.... (No contest, call it 4:33)
"WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" ad
Moments Ago, Four Paragraphs Ago
During the Break, "WWF kicked out WCW."
CRASH HAS NO LAST NAME & JACQUELINE v. SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY & MOLLY HOLLY (with wwf.com logo) in a "How many times can we mention Tough Enough?" match - You wanna talk about "disgracing the Holly name," Crash hasn't USED the Holly name for the better part of a YEAR! Awww, Spike & Molly come out arm in arm. Cole compares these two to Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston - I wonder, how wise is it to mention a "Friends" star on a competing show? Spike parts the ropes for Molly....so Jackie decides to start the match by surprising her with a big forearm. Jackie MAULING her with forearms. Head into the mat - again - kick, into the ropes, sidewalk slam. Tag to Crash - would he beat up his own cousin? Molly through the legs - chop! Chop! Ducks a clothesline...and tags out. Here comes Spike - right, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, hiptoss, dropkick, 'rana, into the ropes is reversed, shoulderblock by Dudley, off the ropes, up and over, Crash runs Dudley through the ropes. He wants his cousin, but referee "Blind" Chad Patton (who has at least gone back to a more "normal" hair colour) ain't havin' none o' that - unfortunately, he's missing Jacqueline throwing some VICIOUS kicks to Spike's ribs - into the STEEL steps as well. Jackie to the other side of the steps, pulling Spike's arm underneath the bottom rope and posting his shoulder. Tossed back in for a cover from Spike - 1, no. Stomp by Crash - camel clutch applied. Crash making quite a bit of noise as well. Molly actually reaching for a tag - into the ropes is reversed, their heads collide and both men are down. Tag to Jackie, HOT TAG TO MOLLY! Clothesline! Dropkick! Into the ropes, BIG back body drop! Crash grabs Molly - Molly chops him again. Crash put into the corner - tumbling run back elbow, bulldog - leg is hooked (Crash isn't legal) 1, 2, Jacqueline with a VICIOUS double stomp-like dropkick to the back of Molly's head to break it up. Forearm in the back - Spike over to Crash, but he hot shots him. Crash directs Jackie to the top while he sets up Spike - meantime, here's the PlayStation Doubld Feature of the handspring elbow. Spike counters, drops down and hits the WOW Catapult, putting Spike into the corner - and crotching Jackie in the process! Jackie falls into the ring - Molly up top - and hitting the Molly-go-round! 1, 2, 3! (3:31) Crash seems unhappy with the outcome - and his partner. Jackie takes umbrage to HIS umbrage and shoves him - Crash responds by piefacing her (!) - Jackie pops up with two forearms to the jaw. Play the PMS music! Crash kicks the ropes in frustration as Jackie walks off... This just in from the official slashwrestling.com scorer - number of times the words "tough enough" were used in this segment: 7
Looks like Austin is getting a headache listening to Angle. "Who would win the big match - Stone Cold Steve Austin and Booker T. Let's break it down, shall we? Stone Cold Steve Austin's the WWF Champ...and Booker T's the WCW Champion. Stone Cold Steve Austin has the experience...Booker T...is a little more...temperate. Umm, Booker T definitely has the height advantage...Stone Cold has the width advantage, he's a little more stout." "Width?" "You're a little wider, that's all. As far as strength...I think they're both about equal - I be honest with you, I don't know who's gonna win this match! It's a tight one..." There's a knock at the door. Austin: "Come in, come in! Somebody please come in!" It's Dave Hebner: "Mr. McMahon, there's somebody from WCW would like to see you - in locker room #4." "My rumour was right, it's Booker T! Booker T. is here! Booker T. is in the building!" "Ah, then...we should..." Angle: "You gonna get him?" Austin: "You wanted a piece of him. We KNOW I can kick his ass, you wanted a piece of him." "I'll back you up Vince, I got ya." "All right." "All right, let's do this." Austin: "I want him - *I* want him." "Well, uh...you comin' with me?" "I'm with ya. I'M WITH YA! I'M YOUR MAN!" Debra decides to stay put.
WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN!
When we come back, they're outside the locker room in question. "Are we ready? Okay, and you've got my back. I mean, I want him, but..." "*I* want him. I wanna get my hands around his throat." "Let's go." Austin shoves Angle in front of him on the way in (HA!) and all three storm the locker room...but there's nobody there but.... "Where the hell is Booker T?" "Booker T's not here, Mr. McMahon." "Booker T's not here? Aren't you..." "Torrie Wilson from WCW." Austin: "That's it! She's - she's from WCW - she's hiding Booker T, where is he?" "I, I swear - Mr. McMahon, I just came here 'cause I wanted to have a little personal conversation with you, do you think maybe we could..." "Torrie, how ya doin', I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic Gold Medalist. Pleasure to meet you. A real pleasure." Vince: "She came here to talk to me...I don't think this is a setup. So I mean, you came to talk to me, but...for what?" Sensing that the third and fourth wheels aren't leaving, she starts. "Mr. McMahon - my contract with WCW...it's just about up, and I thought maybe we could go over a contract for WWF..." "Ah, you're thinking about defecting..." "Right right right! Did I mention you look so much better looking in person? Oh my gosh - Mr. McMahon, you are such a genius..." Austin hugs McMahon at this point - McMahon gives him the "you're cramping my style - shove off" look. "As I was saying, you are such a genius and I would be honoured to work with you and... (looks at Austin and Angle)" "Well I think maybe we can talk about this and it's so nice to meet you, Torrie and um...um, maybe this weekend we could...maybe dinner?" "Ooh yeah, sounds great!" Austin: "I'll check my schedule, too." Angle: "Me too." "We don't need you." "Then why are you going?" Vince: "This might have to be private, but we'll talk about this - it's so nice to meet you, Torrie. I'm sorry for the intrusion." Angle and Austin quietly bickaer. "Me 'n' Vince are a team." "I'm part of the team!" Funny looks all around. "Right?"
Here's a look at last week's Tough Enough Casting Special - say, if it was the #1 rated cable program last week....does that mean it outdrew RAW?
And now, the RC Cola Rewind! From RAW, Regal gets misted...and Jericho defeats Tajiri
To the commissioner's office - in addition to his previous accouterments, Regal now outfits the place with a suit of armour... as well as a fresh picture of Margaret Thatcher. The sentence previous is probably the fuhst time in YAHRS that the word "fresh" and the name "Margaret Thatcher" have been used in close conjunction. A contrite Tajiri listens to our commissioner. "Three days - three days I've been scrubbing away! What d'you mean it's not noticable, of course it's noticable! How can I walk around like this, I'm a gentleman!" Regal turns to the camera sporting a green raccoon face. "I know it's not your fault. I know you wouldn't do this - that bloody Jericho! What can we do to punish him? I know, we'll put him in a double ladder, barbed wire cage match and set the whole thing on fire. You like that?" Tajiri lets out a yelp and points...the camera pans right to find Jericho standing there. "You wanna punish me? Here's an idea - why don't you do it...yourself? And since I've already beaten the both of you in singles matches, why don't you and your little buddy Tajunior take on Y2J tonight in a tag team match right here on SmackDown!?" "Talk some sense man! Your tag team partner Chris Benoit is out of action for six months - who are you going to get to partner you in New York City - the Phantom of the Opera? Ehehehehehe..." he taps Tajiri. "That's funny - ehehehehehehe." Yuks all around. "Ahahaha - oh yeah, yeah yeah, oh I'm sure I'll find someone. And by the way, Willy - how's your tea?" Regal does a classic spit take while Tajiri makes a classic Tajiri face.
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (with Trish Stratus - the fitness model ... and During the Break) v. PERRY (with Terri - and half of a mop - and Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) - The only problem I see with all this exposition is that they may very well be getting over Saturn's mop better than they're getting over Saturn...naah, surely I'm going too far with that critique. (Am I?) Saturn, after trying very hard to get across that that is, in fact, his mop, lunges at Show to start - right, right, Show shoves him off. Saturn forearm, forearm, Show throws him into the corner. Well it's a big slap. Well it's a big butt butt. Saturn forearms the back, and again, and show mauls him with a clothesline. Show stands on the neck. Well it's a big elbowdrop. For the second time, Tazz apologises for not being there for Cole last week. Saturn's dead weight - Show picks him up by the neck and forearms him back down. Show hefts him up, but Saturn gets off the shoulder, kicks the back of the knee, dropkicks him in the head, climbs to the top and hits a nice missile dropkick for 2 - Show kicks out with authority. Saturn off the ropes - from his knees, Show presses Saturn - up to his feet - Saturn tossed to the floor. Show out after him...Show grinds his head into the steps - Terri up from behind, that's a mistake - Show turns her way and she cowers away. Show turns back to Saturn - running kick MISSES and Show ends up with his leg wrapped around the post. Saturn climbs the steps and holds a headlock - then punches hie head. Trish grabs the mop and uses it to get Saturn's attention away from Show. That's a real Carol Merrill job there, the way she's modeling that mop. Terri is coming up from behin - double axehandle in the back! Stratus turns around - she ain't too happy about that. SUH-WING! The mop misses..and goes flying - but who cares about the mop? CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT meanwhile Saturn is back in to check on...his mop. Well it's a big boot. ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - 1, 2, 3. (3:22) Show and Stratus discuss current events, while Saturn crawls to... his mop back - putting it back together, much to Terri's chagrin.
Backstage, the APA, Goodfather and Funaki guard the doors
WWF Live Events rundown #2
COMMISSIONER REGAL & (yoshihiro) TAJIRI (with Heat hype - APA host!) v. CHRIS THU RSDAY JERICHO & ? - Big "Y2J" chant delays Jericho's promo. "You know, I was scouring the streets of New York City (Crowd: "He said New York City!") trying to find a partner with which to face you two assclowns, and unfortunately I couldn't find the Phantom ['cause McLane FIRED her], BUT I did find...THE WORM." Hey look it's SCOTTY 2 HOTTY come back with less hair than he done had before - oh well. Wow, Cole actually said "Anglelock!" Here we go let's all do the American males clap - lockup, arm wringer by Scotty, reversed by Tajiri, Scotty nips up, side headlock, Tajiri powers out, Hotty off the ropes with a shoulderblock. Yippee! Off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by Tajiri, Hotty snuck behind with a layout atomic drop. To the second rope, dropkick in the mush - Hotty breakdances into a bow...then tags out. Jericho with a forearm, into the ropes, running knee in the gut flips Tajiri, head to the buckle, chop, chop, LOUD "Y2J" - Tajiri reverses into the corner, elbow up by Jericho...but runs into a Viscera by Tajiri. Quick tag to Regal. Kick, left, left, left - Jericho back with a right, right, right, side headlock, Regal powers out, shoves Jericho over the top rope but he lands on the apron - Regal waves to the crowd, not knowing Jericho is on the top rope - Jericho comes down with a tomahawk! Tag to Hotty - doubleteam kicks, Hotty with a right, whip is reversed, Hotty up and over, free shot for Tajiri - turns back to take a gutshot from Regal...then Regal tosses him through the ropes where Tajiri is waiting with a KICK to the ribs, and a KICK to the head. Elbow to the back of the head, and rolled back in. Stomp by Regal - Euro uppercut - into the corner sternum first - going for a death suplex but Hotty backflips out - gutshot, DDT! Both men are down and referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts on the count. Tag to Tajiri - HOT TAG TO JERICHO! Ducks a kick, right for Tajiri, right for Regal, right for Tajiri, backdrop for Regal, Tajiri into the ropes, reversal - you know what that means, flying jalapeno! Springboard dropkick takes Regal off the apron to the floor. Chop for Tajiri, chop, back elbow off the ropes, Lionsault misses but Jericho lands on his feet, Tajiri up on the shoulders - powerbomb - DOUBLE powerbomb - 1, Regal trying to break it up but the elbowdrop lands on Tajiri! Jericho with a gutshot for Regal, tossing HIM out and tagging Hotty on the way. Hotty off the ropes with the bulldog - yup - W - O - R - M - and so on - hoo hoo hoo hiYA - 1, 2, 3. Welcome back, Scotty! (4:23) Wow, lookit that Scotty 2 Hotty -he's impish and mischevious
"Man, what was the deal with that Torrie Wilson anyway?" "It was just a negotiating..." "Torrie Wilson? You should be thinking about Booker T! Booker T. might show up here tonight! Booker T. is comin' tonight--" "Booker T! Booker T! Booker T! That's all I hear about anymore is Booker T! What's the deal, man? Huh? I'm sick o' hearin' about Booker T. from you, from anybody else, and I'll tell you what I'm gonna do with your little gold medal wearin' self. I'm gonna go out there - Stone Cold Steve Austin, the World Wrestling Federation champion - I'm goin' out there and I'm callin' his ass out! And if he's half the man he says he is, he'll show up, and I'll stomp a mudhole in him and walk it dry! Booker T. - Booker T. - Booker T. - yer drivin' me crazy - Booker T. - Booker T. - all you hear about anymore is Booker T...." and Austin leaves. Vince: "Kurt...listen....uh, you got Stone Cold's back?" "He doesn't need my back - he's Stone Cold Steve Austin!"
"WWF: The Music (Volume 5)" ad #2
Tough Enough ad #whatever
MY NAME IS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN hits the ring for our main event......promo....thing. Austin shows the belt to each individual in Madison Square Garden before beginning. "I'm SICK and TIRED of hearin' Booker T. - Booker T. - Booker T. this - Booker T. that - Booker T. Booker T. Booker T. - I'm SICK of hearing about Booker T! And you know, Booker T, I know you're here - and I can sit IN MY RING and insult ya all night - that would be the easy thing to do because I think you're a piece o' trash! But if you got one ounce, one shard of self-respect, you call yourself a champion...if you got one gut in your sorry carcass, I'm gonna give you ten seconds to come out here and look in the eyes of STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! THE - WORLD - WRESTLING FEDERATION - CHAMPION! One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten. That's just what I figured. Yer just like everybody else back there, yer afraid of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Ya ain't got no guts, ya ain't got no self-respect, ya ain't got a damn thing to show Stone Cold Steve Austin." Austin turns round...to find that Tazz has left the broadcast position to join him in the ring. Austin regards this with a quizzical look. "Unless Booker T. got real short and real fat real fast, you ain't no Booker T." "You know what Champ - maybe, just maybe, instead of comin' out here and whinin' and cryin' and lookin' for Booker T, maybe you should be worried about what's goin' on in the World Wrestling Federation - maybe, just maybe, you should do the right thing and give an apology to a 160-pound man that you kicked his ass - Austin, lemme show you the footage - a guy that's my broadcast partner - a guy that's a good friend o' mine - maybe you should just go down there, shake his hand, hey, say you know what Michael Cole? I'm sorry. I lost my temper, I got hot, maybe you should do that. You see on the screen - you see Michael Cole on the stretcher, we seen what you did to him on the stretcher, we seen you DESTROY him - that was easy, wasn't it. So you're not gonna apologise to Michael Cole, right?" Austin smiles and looks Cole's way - then back to Tazz. "Read my lips - NO." "Read MY lips - if ya don't apologise, I'll BEAT an apology outta ya! And I'll tell ya something else - I'll not only beat one outta ya, I'll beatcha, and I won't just beatcha, I'll beatcha for that WWF title RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!" Cole: "Yeah!" "All right, tough guy - I'll fightcha...for the WWF title...any time. Any place." Tazz: "Right now - right now! RIGHT NOW - RIGHT NOW!" "I just won't do it tonight. No no no - this is as close as you're ever gonna get to the World Wrestling Federation championship - so you go ahead, and lay your little beady eyes on this title." Gutshot, WHACK with the title belt. Tazz goes down and Austin pounces. Cole: "DAMMIT! That slimy, slithering, gutless coward Austin!" Austin stomps all over Tazz - outside we go - Austin throws Tazz over the commentary table and onto Cole - who seeks shelter. Austin takes a chair and works over Tazz with the point of the chair. Into the STEEL steps! And back to the chair - WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! And one with the point of the chair to grow on. "You want some'a me, boy? Huh? Huh?" Austin balls up his fists and windmills his back. Austin leaves him in a heap. Crowd chants "Booker T" - or the heat machine does, anyway. Cole goes over to check on Tazz, then calls for some help. "Asshole" chant. "All of a sudden you're a paramedic? Did I dial 9-1-1?" "What now?" "Get your ass up - you're next." "Not again - not again." "You're gonna get your little skinny ass whipped - go on, try to make a run for it. Make a run for it. Make a run for it you little skinny (beep)! Stand up! Stand up. STAND UP. The least you can do is take it like a man. Walk up these stairs...HEY! If you got an ounce o' guts, you're gonna get your ass whipped - you might as well take it like a man - bring your little skinny - city - slicker - ass - up them stairs - and get into the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin." Cole's up one step... "Yeah - Oh yeah, c'mon, I can feel it..." Two steps... "I can feel it comin', I wantcha, I wantcha ya little--" Austin's gallop is halted when Cole breaks back downstairs and heads for the stage. "Nononononono - come on back here, boy - come on back here, boy! Come on back here, boy! Come on! Come on! You want some o' me--" But Austin has ended up with his back to NAPPY T, who holds HIS title belt...and WHACKS Austin over the head with it! He stands over Austin and lays down some smack...but can't stay long, because THE LOCKER ROOM has emptied once again - Booker is over the barricade...looks at the curtain, but decides to make a left and head out towards backstage. Here's a replay of Booker coming in - and laying Austin out.
Austin is left wondering what the heck just happened. "His ass is mine!"
From the WCW license plate, we pan up to see the ready limo...and Shane McMahon standing by on his cel phone. "Good plan, good plan, good plan - thanks for the tip, man - thanks for the tip. Come on, man! OH JESUS--" Shane just saw the entire locker room running after Booker T, who piles into the limo...Hardcore Holly, instead of also climbing into the door, instead opts to jump on top of the limousine...and fall off when it peels out. Oops. The last shot is of Rios, Funaki, Michinoku and Raven going "aw, rats!" or words to that effect.
By the way... Tough Enough is next on MTV!