Man, I'd LOVE to take "credit" for "breaking" this "story" - only 1Bob reported it on *Thursday* as if nobody'd noticed it up until then, so I guess I can't.

Meanwhile, in other domain news, Joey Styles finally decided to renew "ecwwrestling.com," just in case it turned out somebody would be interested in paying him big bucks for it. This happened - get this - *Thursday*.

The final piece of the puzzle comes when you try to put "www.ecwwrestling.com" into your web browser...and get directed to ANOTHER site co-owned by Styles. I'll spare you finding out for yourself that that site...is none other than... 1wrestling.com.

I'm Paul Harvey...

...goodDAY!

OTHER THREADS: For MY money, the best place to keep up on what exactly is going on with ECW's bankruptcy, WWF's treatment - or ignorance - of it, and why YOU should care about all this is the message boards of the Other Arena. Block out about an hour, though - there's a LOT of angles (and I don't mean "angles") to wade through, but after you're done with all of it, you can definitely bet that you'll be a lot smarter (and I don't mean "smarter" - or do I).

OTHER PLUGS: Somewhere on this very site is a "read about it before you can see it" report of a very special episode of WCW Classics! Turner also sent me some slides - HILARIOUS pictures of Dusty Rhodes and Ric Flair - but I couldn't figure out a way to get them scanned with the equipment I had (meaning, "I have no slide attachment or whatever") - still, I encourage all of you with Turner South to catch the show NEXT Sunday the 22nd....that is, if you're not paying to watch a little PPV show it happens to be up against...

Notice anything different about this "UPN Thursday" bumper? Like, maybe Eddie Guerrero and Chyna are REUNITED...on the cutting room floor, replaced by Team Extreme and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley? This MEANS something - or maybe not; they have ECW's Dudley Boyz still in there...

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!

INVASION: Did you know that this week I set a RECORD for most pageviews on a RAW report? Well...on THIS site, at least. They never told me about my numbers on the other places. Anyway, you probably know *all about* THESE clips so you don't need me to tell you to go read the RAW report

Earlier Tonight, the Undertaker glowered...because he and Vince McMahon were in the same room. Vince offers the Hand of Friendship - Taker don't budge. "All right - but a deal is a deal. I gave you what you wanted tonight, okay? I gave you exactly what you wanted. Even though you've got Kurt Angle as your tag partner, maybe you didn't ask for that, but you asked for Shane McMahon - you asked for DDP in the ring with you tonight, and by God you've got them - so therefore, you're going to do ME the honours of being on Team WWF at inVasion, right?" "Deal's a deal, right?" "A deal is a deal, and by the way - how's Sara?" "How 'bout you not worry about how Sara is." "I didn't - I just meant with what DDP--" "I know what you meant. In fact I don't think I ever want to hear her name come outta your lips again. A deal's a deal. Don't screw with me - because tonight, somebody WILL take the Last Ride. You screw me over...WCW is gonna be the least of your problems."

Opening Credits - one shot of Bubba Ray lingers on, but this is pretty much a "WWF-only" package...well, if you allow that Stephanie is still a part-owner of the WWF

PYRO AWAY - coming to you on tape from the BJCC in Birmingham, AL (taped 10.7) and airing 12.7.1, transmitido en espanol SAP on UPN and the Score, and oh baby

TONIGHT: DDP & Shane McMahon take on Kurt Angle & Undertaker!

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL STONE COLE & LARRY KING.

We begin with "Brand New Money" bringing SHANE O. MAC & THE WCW to the ring - Page out front, Booker behind, and there's ... the rest. Hey, Hugh Morrus! I remember THAT guy. Crowd boos. "Well, allow me to get right into this because tonight, In This Very Ring, WCW will show its dominance, because tonight...it's DDP...and me...taking on the WWF's Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle...and Sara's husband, the Undertaker. Now lemme get back to last Monday night, because last Monday night WE SHOCKED THE WORLD! WE SHOCKED THE WORLD! Nobody saw it coming, nobody and all! Why, and what happened - the merger of the most powerful entity ever created to take on the World Wrestling Federation - its fiercest competitor was formed when WCW joined ECW! Yes, and that combination, at inVasion, will kick the WWF's (beep) as I said before. But you know what, I can't take all the credit as much as I would like to, because I also had a little bit o' help, so without further ado please allow me to introduce to you, being led to the ring by PAUL HEYMAN, give it up, one time, give it up everybody on your feet for my sister STEPHANIE McMAHON-HELMSLEY, the new owner of ECW!" And as "This is Extreme" plays, here they are - God, if we ever find out he's bonking her it'll be official - Russo *is* back. And, in single file here come Dreamer, Rhyno, Raven, Storm, the Dudleyz, Awesome, Credible, van Dam and Tazz. Shane's trying to DANCE to this song - it ain't workin'. Paul: "I think by now it's common knowledge that the WWF and Vince McMahon TOOK all of ECW's concepts! I think by now it's common knowledge that the WWF and Vince McMahon TOOK ECW's Attitude! I think by now it's common knowledge that Vince McMahon and the WWF TOOK ECW's talent roster! And I think by now it's common knowledge that Vince McMahon and the WWF took ECW's cable National Network, which ultimately ran us out of business! So if Vince McMahon is gonna take everything from MY life, I'm gonna take everything from HIS. I took Vince McMahon's...children! You see, I'm the one that's in Shane and Stephanie's ear, and Vince, this is something you should pay very close attention to...because while you called me up on the phone and said 'Pal, HAHAHAHAHA, I ran your company out of business but...I'll put you next to JR - I'll let you sit in Jerry Lawler's chair as the colour commentator, next to that PIG, and while I was sitting next to JR, *I* was the stooge - *I* was the mole, that fed Shane McMahon all the information that he needed, so that Shane could perfect his brilliant plan to steal WCW out underneath the nose of his father, but that wasn't enough, no! I wanted to take the one constant in Vince's life. I wanted to take away the rock of Gibraltar of Vince McMahon's existence. How do you take Daddy's Little Girl away? With money? No. With charm and good looks? No. With POWER! The power to own her own company - the power to make her own decisions - and the power, Vince, to offer to you the same ultimatum you gave YOUR father - get out of the way, or get squashed. Because Vince, when it comes to power, and when it comes to Stephanie, Shane and I - when it comes to WCW, ECW and the WWF - power? You can give it to us, Vince...or at inVasion, we can take it away from you. Isn't that right, Billion Dollar Princess?" "Paul, from now on you can just call me Boss." "Yes ma'am!" "Okay. Paul, you have a point. It is all about power." "Slut!" "And I do own ECW! And together, Shane and I have the power to run the WWF out of business. See Daddy, Shane was smart enough to buy WCW. And I had the money to buy ECW. But Dad, I mean, can you really blame us for wanting to own our own companies and, and go up against you? I mean, Daddy, we come from your loins! We're your children! But Dad, we're BETTER than you are. It's simple evolution. Children are stronger, they're smarter, they're faster, and children generally outlive their parents. But Daddy, quite frankly, Shane and I just couldn't wait for you to DIE. See, Shane and I, if we have one fault, which we got from you, it would be that - well, we're a little impatient. See, we couldn't wait for you to...die and get out of the way, so Shane and I decided to join forces, and together WCW and ECW will run you and the WWF out of business FOREVER." "My Time" plays as Paul kisses Stephanie's hand - and shakes Shane's.

To the Commissioner's office, where Regal expresses disbelief. "If it wasn't for Vince McMahon, there wouldn't be a sports entertainment industry - there wouldn't be WCW, there wouldn't be an ECW, and these three miserable toerags - ungrateful...they should be bloody ashamed of themselves, but you - your decision to stay with the WWF ... that was the right decision. You will go a long way. Is there anything that I can do? Anything?" Tajiri says something along the lines of "sumakdonu komentaru" - Regal compliments his speaking voice and, deciding he's a lot easier to understand than Tazz was, grants him his wish of taking the third headset. Tajiri's face lights up - and Regal can't help but smile as well as Tajiri leaves...

WWF Live! Tix on sale Saturday for Bakersfield, Rockford, Salt Lake, Las Vegas, Ottawa, Montreal, and Halifax - wow lookit all the ECW stars in this ad

Vince is forlorn as we hear the knock at his door - it's Mr. & Mrs. Austin. "That's not the hug I'm used to gettin'!" "...I can't help it - I'm just kinda down in the dumps, this damn inVasion thing - and then, on top of it...I mean, my kids turnin' against me." "You've still got me. You've still got Stone Cold, I'm right here with ya." "And I appreciate that." "That's not helpin' ya, is it." "No no, I, I don't mean to take that for granted, I appreciate that." "I'm, listen I know this inVasion thing's got you - your hair's fallin' out - I know your kid - not too bad - I know your kids leavin' you is kinda like gettin 'stabbed in the back...but I got something that's gonna help us, gonna help you...it's gonna take away this whole inVasion thing, it's gonna bring back your kids, it's gonna erase ALL your problems. Should I tell him?" "...like I know what it is? I don't--" "Never mind. I got something that's gonna solve all your problems." "You do?" "It's gonna solve all these inVasion things - WWF #1, Shane and Steph...back, everybody at your sides." "All right - I'm up for that." "I'll be right back...with the answer to all your problems." "All right...I'm looking forward to this."

TAJIRI joins the commentary team, and grabs third headset. "You speak Enligsh there, son?" "So so. Business is about to pick up!"

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ v. KOOL MOE DEE (with WWF.com logo) - Cole confuses me by saying "...my nephew, who calls Tazz 'Uncle Tazz,' asking me why did Tazz do what he did, why won't he return Daddy's phone calls?" So is he a child or a nephew? Oh well. Holly from behind as Tazz spends a bit too much time staring at the commentary table. After the forearm, it's a kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right, right, overhand right. "Srabnaka! Srabnaka!" "What?" "Slobberknocker." Chop, chop. Into the opposite corner, Tazz runs out and eats a clothesline. Holly with a vertical suplex - then mounts him for eleven (count 'em) right hands. "OH MY GOD! Rocket busta! Rocket busta!" Holly drapes him over the top rope - then manages to land the Best Crotch Kick in the Business as referee "Blind" Jack Doan tries to free him. "Babakuu sos!" "Barbecue sauce?" Stomp. Tazz through the ropes to the outside - Holly follows. Tazz manages a gutshot. Right, right by Tazz. Holly back with a right. Chop. Chop. Chop. Right cross by Tazz, right by Holly, into the canvas, back into the ring. "Business is about to pick up!" Scoop...and a slam by Holly. Drops the leg. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, kickout. Tazz with a gutshot - overhand by Holly - gutshot by Holy. "(A lot of Japanese) Go go! Srabnaka!" Stomp by Holly - then stands on the face for 4. Tazz back with a right. Right by Holly, right by Taz, into the corner, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, but Tazz gets the boot up - and that turns Holly's back to him - the kati hajime takes over and Holly goes down in short order. (2:34) Holly would go on to say after the match that he had planned on beating Tazz senseless, if not for the fact that "matches are won and lost for reasons. This is not NASCAR. We're wrestling out there." Tajiri offers, "(A lot of Japenese)" Ross congratulates him on a job well done. "Sankyu! Sankyu!" Tazz leaves the ring and approaches the commentators. Tajiri slowly rises to his feet...and Tazz hauls off and SLAPS him. Right, right, right, right, Tazzmission! Tajiri is out like Freddie Mercury. "Dammit, Tazz, what the HELL has gotten into you?" Tazz chooses to ignore Cole's question, scaling the corner and letting his music play again. Ross offers, "this is not the same man that was your friend."

"Tazz choking people out, this damn inVasion is full-scale...what the hell is Stone Cold gonna do about it? He's gonna do something to change the face of inVasion? Give it up." "Vince, do you think *I* know anything? He tells me nothing." "I just hope he brings me Paul Heyman's head on a stick, that's what I'd like." Austin is back...and he's brought a gee-tar. "Hey, pal. Yeah." "What are you gonna--" "The answer." "You're gonna hit somebody over the head with this damn guitar?" Austin puts a hand on Vince's shoulder. "That's not what we need now, Vince. We don't need violence - it's NOT the answer to our problems, man! Look at me. Trust me. Let me explain - Debra, scoot over please. Thanks, honey - I appreciate the sport. Sit down, Vince, let me explain something to ya. Ever since I was a little kid, if I ever had a problem, my dad would break out the ol' geetar and sing me a few songs, and I'd forget about the bully next door pickin' on me, or whatever the problem was - it could be the homework, right. I'd forget about it! All through words and music...provided by my father. That's what I'm offering here - words and music - inspiration for you!" "I don't understand." "Vince. You know, you got this inVasion thing, WWF is about to go down the drain, you're losin' your hair - Steph, Shane, stab ya in the back, they twist the knife, walk out of your life, they betrayed you! Look at me! Stone Cold is here to sing to you and solve your problems - this is inspiration, man - can't you FEEL it. This is like...like chicken soup for the soul. Right. Here's a little number my dad used to sing to me, and it always worked every time - and I was just a little kid, sittin' on his knee, and he'd start strummin' the gee-tar...well, here it is. This is from me to you. Debra, you can sing along if you know the words. It's a little out of tune. Better?" Austin plays a random tablature and sings out of key: "Kumbayah, my lord - Kumbayah / Kumbayah, my lord - Kumbayah / Kum - Kumba... all right, let me change the song. All right, this is a little Queen - you remember that rock band Queen? You'll really like this one, it's a little more current. I rewrote some of the words. I AM THE CHAMPION, MY FRIEND / AND I'LL GO ON FIGHTING TO THE END / 'CAUSE I AM THE CHAMPION / *I* AM THE CHAMPION / NO TIME FOR LOSERS / 'CAUSE I AM THE CHAMPION / OF THE WORLD..." Vince continues his uncontrollable fidgeting while Debra settles for plugging her ears. Meanwhile, Austin sings with a passion that belies his complete lack of perfect pitch.

Tough Enough ad

Edge & Christian shill Stacker 2

The Hardcore Smack of the Night is presented by CORN NUTS! From RAW, Tommy Dreamer and Rob van Dam make a shocking appearance - followed by a shocking turn by six WWF guys and two WCW guys - and so on

LANCE STORM v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Storm SPEAKS! "If I can be serious for a minute...you WWF fans may be used to your cartoon characters - the pomp and circumstance, the pyro, the bells and whistles that go along with it...but let me assure you, I am no cartoon character, I need no bells and whistles...and tonight I PROVE it, when I destroy and dismantle your very own, your beloved--" the countdown cuts him off. Jericho SPEAKS! "You know, you're not a cartoon character. No, you're more like a movie character. Your name really isn't Lance Storm, is it. No, I think your name is really Forrest Gump! And Forrest, mah mama always sed...would you PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP. And after that little beatdown that you and your little buddies gave me last Monday night on RAW, well tonight, I'm not gonna get mad, I'm gonna get - get - GET - GET - EVEN." Jericho drops the mic and rushes the ring, and it's on. Ducks a clothesline, flying jalapeno! Armdrag, right, right, right, right, shoulder to the post. Forearm, into the corner (really s-l-o-w-l-y), Storm up and over, forearm meets Jericho, springboard clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, rubbing his face in the mat. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Jericho - kick caught, enzuigiri ducked, Storm holding the leg and letting Jericho roll - there's the half crab! But Jericho quickly grabs the middle rope (yikes, kill the finisher already) and Storm lets go. Stomp, stomp, vertical suplex. Storm to the top...but before he can take flight, Jericho runs to the corner, climbs to the second rope, and performs a super armdrag! Unfortunately, he slips off the rope in the process and crashes to the mat - yowch. Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick puts on the count - crowd chants "Y2J" - Jericho up at 6 - but it's Storm with the first right - Jericho fires back. Storm right, Jericho right, Jericho, Jericho, into the ropes, back elbow. Off the ropes, Storm ducks (trips) - Jericho with a chop, chop, chop, Storm into the ropes, BIG back body drop. Jericho off the ropes with the bulldog. Lionsault - but Storm gets up the knees! There's a SUPERKICK by Storm - hooks the leg, 1, 2, NO! Storm going for the death suplex but Jericho backflips to his feet - forearm, into the ropes is reversed, Storm drops down and rolls Jericho into the half crab...but Jericho rolls under Storm's legs, double leg takedown...WALLS OF JERICHO! Storm taps! (2:50) Yikes - would YOU book the first match between the Thrillseekers to go three minutes? That's why YOU'RE *watching* instead of *booking*, I suppose

Austin is STILL singing, now mangling "Camptown Ladies" - in comes Kurt Angle - Austin pauses....but continues his song. "What are you doin'? Steve?" "I'm trying to cheer up Mr. McMahon, what are you doing? You got no business being in here." "You're cheerin' him up, singing a song?" "It's chicken soup for the soul! I'm inspiration. Look at him, he's relieved - his hair is growing back." Angle scoffs. "Look - look at you." "Look at ME?" "It's written all over you." "What?" "Look at him." "What?" "You're jealous." "Of THAT?" "You're jealous of my relationship with Vince McMahon. You're jealous of the fact that I can sing." "Hey, you can sing - I was in the glee club in high school - two years." "Really?" "Yeah." "Well can you play the axe?" "What's the axe?" "It's the guitar." "The guitar? Uh...well, I played the ukelele - and it's got two less strings, but I think I could probably carry a tune, yeah." "You cain't play the guitar." "Yes, I can." "You cain't play the guitar." "Yes, I can." "You can't!" "Yes I can!" "You can't!" "Yes I can!" "You can't!" "I can!" "You can't!" "Can!" "Here - you talked me into it. Scoot over, Debra. I'll help you out." "Okay, this is to cheer Vince up, right?" "That's what I'm trying to do! I'll help ya out." Vince: "Do you really think this is a good idea?" "Well it was 'til he come in." Angle: "Umm, can you move over? You make me nervous." Austin: "Yeah." "No, the OTHER way!" "Sorry." Debra: "I don't have a lot of room here." "It's okay." "I think you'll like this, Vince." Angle clears his throat - Austin clears HIS throat about a hundred times louder. "Here we go. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care / Jimmy crack corn and I don't care / JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON'T CAAAARE..." Vince runs off - Angle can't play any better than Austin. "...I got Olympic Gold. I got Olympic Gold / I got Olympic Gold / Jimmy crack corn and I don't care / Jimmy crack corn and I don't care..." "Kurt....Kurt..... KURRRRRRRRRRRRRT!" Austin swipes the guitar. "What?" "What you doin'?" "I'm trying to cheer up Vince?" "Cheer up who?" "Vince?" "Where is he?" Angle looks. "Where'd he go?" "You ran him out of the room, you stink! You're horrible, you're pathetic!" "Well I wasn't any worse than you were, I listened to you when I walked in." "I spent a lotta money on guitar lessons - I'm great! TELL him I'm great! THAT'S right!" "Well, they didn't work." "Did too." "Did not." "Did too." "Did not." "Did too." "Did not." "He was a happy man 'til you come in here!" "Is he serious?" "You make me sick."

Subway presents the WWF Slam of the Week! From last week's RAW, Big Show wipes out Jeff Hardy - but it's okay, since he gets a kiss from Trish Stratus.

In a dressing room, Trish tries to explain that really she was just caught up in the moment and all, you see, and.... "Trish, it's okay, I'm not mad at you for kissing me." "No?" Here come Lita and Matt. "Trish, look - I understand we have to team together at inVasion for the Bra and Panties tag team match. I'm okay with that - it's business. I don't know what's going on with THIS, but we do have some major personal issues - I'd like to settle 'em tonight in the ring." "Lita, I have no problem with that. See ya at the ring. See ya later, Jeff." "Bye, Trish." Matt: "I mean, what exactly is going on here, Jeff? What are you looking at?" Jeff still stares out in the direction of Stratus' ass. "Nothing - nothing at all."

Meanwhile, Cole overdubs "it's ECW's Mike Awesome!" in case we forgot - in case the WWF Hardcore championship doesn't give it away. Looks like he's found the seamstress. "You make pants around here? Well good - because I am the WWF Hardcore champion, and I think I need some new pants made. Now I want you to listen to me, and I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this side over here, I want it to say AWESOME. Now on this side over here, I ALSO want it to say AWESOME. And do you know why I want it to say awesome? Well, no matter which way you look at me from, you see the Awesome One. Now I know you can't get this done before tonight's over with..."

Meanwhile (3), we cut to Edge & Christian, watching this on a monitor. "Did I just hear that right?" "Did my royal ears deceive me?" "Yeah - I think mine are too!" Edge gives him a doubletake. "He's not awesome - we're the only two around here who reek of awesomeness!" "I know - if this gearbox wants an accurate description of what his pants should say...I mean, this leg should say 'chumpstain,' and this leg should say 'Dorkzilla!'" "Yeah - he is SO not awesome. Brutal!" Oh, they're eating candy out of the King of the Ring Cup, too...

Meanwhile (4), Vince has gathered Team WWF for a pep talk. "All right...we're here to discuss Team WWF..." Taker glares at Austin...who hands his guitar to Angle. "...and I'd like to have your undivided attention. So..." Angle almost plucks a string before Austin swipes the guitar back away from him and throws it on the sofa. Austin: "What were you saying?" "THIS is the most serious threat the World Wrestling Federation has ever known. And you Chris Jericho, Kane..." Austin: "Kane." "Undertaker..." "Undertaker." "..we do have a deal." "We got a deal." Taker: "YOU shut up." "Stone Cold, and you Kurt, all together. Whether we like it or not, whether we like each other or not..." "Like it or not!" "...it doesn't matter." "It don't matter." "...because we're going into inVasion." "inVasion!" "We're going into this with both WCW and ECW breathing down our necks!" "BREATHING down our necks! They're breathin'--" Austin slaps Taker in the shoulder...and realises that wasn't the wisest of moves. "You do that again, you're gonna pull back a nub." Austin looks down - then gives Angle a shove to get it back. "Now DAMMIT, let's get together! We've gotta have leadership here - we have to unify. We have to function as one unit. Otherwise, we'll break apart - they'll pick us apart out there!" "PICK US APART (something else under his breath)" "I want a commitment from each and every one of you that we're going to have unity, we're gonna support each other..." "Support each other." "And more than anything else in the world, at inVasion, we will kick WCW and ECW's collective (beep). Do I have your word on that?" Jericho: "Damn right you got my word on that." Kane nods. Taker: "Why don't you just let Kane and I handle it?" "Because two men can't DO this. It's five on five." Austin: "FIVE ON FIVE!" "What are you gonna do with THIS?" "And the risk are just too damn great." Austin: "I'M IN! COUNT ME IN!" Angle: "I'm in." "COUNT HIM IN TOO!" "All right - together, as the old expression goes...united we stand...." Austin: "Divided we fall." "Let's stand tall - let's stand tall just for once for the WWF."

You're watching....UPN!

And now, because we've apparently had JUST TOO DAMN MUCH WRESTLING THIS SHOW, the second hour finally kicks off with...."No Chance in Hell" leading out MR. McMAHON (with the TV-PG-DLV ratings box, transmitido en espanol SAP) to the ring. Damn, but Jim Ross can't stop KISSING McMAHON'S ASS all of a sudden. "Allow me to introduce to you the greatest WWF Champion of all time. Allow me to introduce to you the man who will lead Team WWF into inVasion. Allow me to introduce you to the man who will lead the Undertaker, Kane, Jericho and Angle into inVasion - ladies and gentlemen, I give you STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!" Austin hits all four corners before Vince continues. "You know, Stone Cold, they say that since WrestleMania, you've changed...and maybe you have. They say that since WrestleMania, you've become more selfish than ever before, you've become uncaring. Matter of fact, many individuals feel as though you've changed SO much since WrestleMania, quite frankly, you've become a very proficient brown noser." Austin goes for the highspot - err, hug - but Vince backs up. "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now that's what some people say, they think you've changed, and I think you have changed! As far as the WWF Champion is concerned, I think you've changed for the better. But quite frankly(2)...when we approach the single greatest threat to the World Wrestling Federation ever at inVasion, you know, I'm not so sure that - that we don't need another change, Stone Cold. I mean, quite frankly(3), the man that I need to lead Team WWF, even though I appreciate it, is not a Stone Cold that gives me hugs - I don't need the leader of Team WWF, the Stone Cold Steve Austin that - that gives me gifts, cowboy hats and - Steve, you had your wife make me cookies. Steve, I don't need the kinda Stone Cold Steve Austin that strums a guitar and sings to me to lead me and lead Team WWF into inVasion - that's not what I need, Steve! Damn it, you know what I need, you know who I need? I NEED THE OLD STONE COLD!" Ross: "Oh hell yeah!" Me: "Ross?" "I NEED THE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN WHO'S A BEER SWILLING, FOUL-MOUTHED SOB!" Ross: "You're damn right we need him!" "I NEED THE KINDA STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN WHO DON'T TAKE NO (BEEP) FROM ANYBODY!" "You tell him, Vince!" "I NEED THE KIND OF HELL-RAISING, *HELL-RAISING* STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! WHAT I NEED, THE KIND OF STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, NOT THAT LONG AGO, THAT WOULD LOOK AT MR. McMAHON, AND IF I PARTED MY HAIR THE WRONG WAY, YOU WOULD KNOCK ME ON MY (BEEP). THAT'S THE KINDA LEADERSHIP I NEED FROM YOU, STONE COLD - I NEED YOU TO LEAD TEAM WWF INTO INVASION - I NEED THE *OLD* STONE COLD! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, DAMMIT? DO YOU WANNA KNOCK ME ON MY (BEEP) NOW? HUH? COME ON! I CAN FEEL IT! I KNOW, I CAN FEEL IT! I CAN FEEL IT IN MY GUTS! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON! NAIL ME! KNOCK ME DOWN! KNOCK ME DOWN! IF YOU WANT STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN TO BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUTTA VINCE McMAHON, GIMME A HELL YEAH!" But Austin shakes his head "no," lowers his head...and walks out of the ring. "Steve, wait...Steve...wait...Steve, don't leave this ring. Steve? Stone Cold... Stone Cold! I need you - I need you, Austin, to lead Team WWF! I NEED YOU AT INVASION, AUSTIN - DAMMIT STONE COLD, TURN AROUND - COME BACK - GIVE ME A STUNNER, DAMMIT!" Austin stops at the top of the ramp...then keeps walking. "COME BACK! AUSTIN! AUSTIN! GIVE ME A STUNNER! STONE COLD!!" Vince drops the mic to the floor in shock - Austin is long gone.

Ummm....that was a little....yeah

During the Break, Debra pulled the luggage...and Steve let his title belt drag along the road...as they left

Angle catches up to Vince, who appears to be leaving. "Where am I going?" "Yeah." "Where the hell do you think I'm going? I'm going to find Stone Cold Steve Austin and talk some SENSE into him!" "Well aren't you gonna stay for my match?" "Stay for your match?" "Yeah!" "I'm sure you'll do just fine on your own. I've gotta go find Stone Cold because he's got to lead Team WWF to victory at inVasion." "I'll be the leader! I can lead a team." "I'm gonna go find Austin." "Well...what if he doesn't come back?" "Oh...like I said. I'm gonna go find Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I'm gonna talk some sense into him and when I do...THE OLD STONE COLD WILL BE LEADING TEAM WWF!" HIS limo drives off...

KANE v. RHYNO - Kane blocks, right, right, right, elbow, right, right, knee, clubbin' forearm, off the ropes with a clothesline. Kick, into the opposite corner, follow lariat, uppercut puts Rhyno down. Spike and Molly host Heat Sunday - we'll find out for sure that Spike's stuck with the WWF (or not). Kick in the gut. Another kick in the gut. Into the opposite corner - but Rhyno puts an elbow up. Then runs into a powerslam. Man, Rhyno's done NOTHIN' since joining ECW! Kane up top...but Rhyno meets him and crotches him on the top rope! Rhyno outside to meet Kane - back of the head to the barricade. Rolled back in - forearm in the back - kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right. Off the ropes with a running knee (shin) to the head. Cover - 2. Hmm, no ECW refs yet, huh? "Rhyno sux!" Right hand, right, right, Kane starting to hulk up - right by Rhyno - right by Kane, right by Rhyno, right by Kane, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow, clothesline, put into the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, left right. Into the opposite corner - sidewalk slam out. Ross is making me SICK with his "we NEED Stone Cold Steve Austin back" spiel. Kane up top - THIS time he hits the flying clothesline. Whip is reversed - but Kane reverses back, throwing Rhyno into the corner - and unfortunately sandwiching referee "Blind" Mike Chioda in the corner. Kane with the avalanche - Rhyno drops out of the way and *Chioda* takes the collision. Rhyno with an inside cradle, grabbing the tights...and NICK PATRICK runs out to quick count a 1, 2, 3 for Rhyno. (3:33) Replay of the finish - I think I'm starting to get it...if you're "ECW by way of the WWF" you get the fall, if you're "ECW by way of the WCW" you submit to the Walls of Jericho. Whaddaya think?

NEXT: Trish vs. Lita - because ECW is...hmmm....hell, I dunno

Monochrome PSA - "Some call these men the greatest entertainers on earth - flying without wings - defying physcial limitations. But the risks these men take are great - bodies have been battered - necks broken - careers ended in an instant - yes, this is entertainment, but the hazards are real - no matter who you are, whatever you do, please - don't try this at home." Yikes, pulling out DROZ footage here? That's an...interesting...choice.

Hey hey, catch the WWF live Saturday in Albany, Sunday in New Haven, RAW in Providence and Tuesday in Boston!

To the commissioner's office we go. "I mean, you were doing a wonderful job as well until Tazz - I mean, he's damaged your commentary voice! But you've got what you want - at inVasion, it's you against Tazz - you can get your revenge there. Yes." Tajiri kinda rubs up against Regal's shoulder - Regal pets him. Earl Hebner interrupts this tender moment. "Am I interrupting something?" "No - no." "Did you want to see me?" "Yes I wanted to see you! Are you the senior official here in the World Wrestling Federation?" "Yes I am." "So - how can you let Nick Patrick - I mean, he's just cost Kane a match against Rhyno - how can you allow this to happen?" "What can I do?" "What can you do, I'll TELL you what you can do, you can stand up for yourself man! You can run over to Nick Patrick's dressing room now, you can kick the door in, and you can challenge Nick Patrick to a match at inVasion!" "You're damn right I will." "I know I'm right! Don't forget to take some of your referee friends with you. Go on!"

LITA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Corn Nuts, MX2002, and Subway!) v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with inVasion graphic: Stacy Keibler & Torrie Wilson vs. Lita & Trish Stratus in the 1st Ever Bra and Panties Tag Team Matchup!) - Words are exchanged - Lita shoves, Trish slaps. Lita with a right that puts her down. Into the ropes, big clothesline by Lita. The Hardyz watch a monitor from their dressing room. When we look back, Trish is in a corner. Lita hairmares her out. Trish rolls outside. Lita wants her back in - Stratus manages a hot shot on her way back in. Stratus with a suplex (!) for 2. Stomp, stomp, field goal kick. Yep, the Hardyz are still watching - must be covering another edit? Stratus shoves Lita into the corner - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp. Crowd chants "Lita." Stratus sits on the top turnbuckle and gives Lita the gallows choke. Top rope bulldog! 1, 2, KICKOUT! Lita manages a right - right, Stratus rakes the eyes. Lita put in the ropes, Lita ducks the clothesline, fires off one of her own, right, right, right, right, into the corner, gutshot, Twist of Fate, climbing up for a moonsault - ayup - 1, 2, 3. (2:18)

We look back to the Hardyz - Matt is clapping like a trained seal (whipped...whipped). "That's my girl, boy! Right there. Won another one. Trish is all right - but she's no Lita. At all." In walk Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson. "Hi, guys! We just wanted to introduce ourselves. I'm Torrie Wilson." "Jeff Hardy." "And I'm Stacy Kiebler. I just wanted to tell you that I..." and they fade into whispers - Stacy kisses Matt and Torrie kisses Jeff. "Nice meeting you!" They clasp hands and walk off. "What was that about?" "Matt - girls dig us." We look back to the ring - neither Lita nor Stratus seem particularly happy.

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From RAW, Spike breaks a crutch over Bubba Ray's back, distracting D-Von long enough to eat a Clothesline from Hell...and lose the tag team titles to the APA.

Here's a look at the Exterior of the BJCC!

Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Shane turned on Undertaker and joined Diamond Dallas Page to take out Taker...bringing Sara into the ring - and I think we can all agree she did okay until that Diamond Cutter

In a dressing room, Shane, Stephanie and Page react to watching this footage on the monitor. Shane says they need to be careful in the big match tonight - he's in his head. "That's where I wanna be!"

Meanwhile, the three WCW officials are chatting - Hebner barges in, flanked by Korderas and Doan. Patrick: "What do you guys want?" "What do we want? When you cost Kane the match against Rhyno, it was the last straw." "Yeah, well what are YOU gonna do about it?" "What am I gonna do about it? You think you're a big tough guy - how 'bout a match, you and I at inVasion?" "Oh I'd LOVE to have a match with you at inVasion - and I'd like to give you a preview right now!" OH MAN these punches are SO bad they actually pull the "broken camera" trick just to fade out of this segment

WHAT??? MORE ADS?!?

I think we've GOTTA have a SPECIAL referee for a Hebner/Patrick match, right? Let's see...how about.... Kirby Puckett

Gotta have our nightly look at WWF New York! Wow, looking at that big ol' marquee reminds me that this would be a perfect segue to...

Last Week on Tough Enough, Triple H talked - and Jason left

JESUS CHRIST, MORE ADS? - oh, wait, it's just UPN sneaking in a ten second "Buffy" plug - well that was weird

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: JEFF HARDY (with PlayStation presents inVasion in ten days!) v. AWESOME MIKE AWESOME - Awesome unleashes a furious pummelin' 'pon him - Hardy put in the opposite corner - Awesome Splash! Overhand right to the back. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Hardy, clothesline by Awesome. Awesome going outside and underneath the ring for weaponry - but before he can put the trash can in the ring, Hardy hits a baseball slide dropkick to the can, to Awesome's chest! You can see the WWF Security guy walk away - you know it's coming - and so did Awesome, who stops the barricade run with a trash can lid to the flying Hardy. Leg is hooked out on the floor - 1, 2, no. Ross: "I just never pictured Jeff Hardy as the hardcore title." I dunno, they KINDA look alike... PlayStation Double Feature of Awesome's mighty swing. Awesome with the lid to the back of Hardy's head. Hardy thrown into the STEEL steps. Rolled back in - Awesome follows. Scoop...and a slam. Awesome going to the top floor - but Hardy meets him there with a right - right, right - climbing up - Frankensteiner! Hardy with a double leg takedown, and the "Hardy in the house" double legdrop to the crotchular area. Hardy's outside....and he's got a ladder. Yikes. Ladder to Awesome's face. Awesome has a broom, but Hardy rams the ladder into him again. Hardy takes the broom and goes up top - looks like a WITCHDROP FROM THA TOP! Hardy stands up the ladder as we take a PlayStation Double Feature of the broomstick-assisted buttdrop. Hardy climbing the People's Ladder rung by damn rung - pausing to pose at the top - mistake - Awesome with two rights to stagger him, then upending the ladder, causing Hardy to hit the top rope on the way down with a MASSIVE WHIPLASH - 1, 2, kickout!! Awesome pulls him to the centre. "That's it!" Awesome up top one more time - going for the plancha but Hardy rolls away! Awesome ducks the swing, however, and hits a HUGE German suplex! "That's it!" I think he MEANS it this time, folks. Awesome sets up the ladder in the corner - Hardy set up for the running Awesome Bomb...but KING EDGE & CHRISTIAN are out - Edge jabs him with a chair to trip him up and cause him to drop Hardy - and there's a CONCHAIRTO! Hardy quickly climbs to the top - swantonbomb! 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion. (5:08) Edge & Christian are proud to have proven awesomeness - and Jeff has Yet Another Belt.

To the back, where Taker discusses strategy. "We're gonna go out there, and I'm gonna beat the living hell outta DDP. You think you can keep your head out of your ass long enough for us to get that done?" Angle: (taken aback) "Yeah!" "All right, shut up. Listen. You know they're gonna come, all right? Just keep an eye on the backstage." Angle: "Whoa whoa - hold on a second. Hold on a second. Vince and Stone Cold are gone. And when they're gone, I'M the leader of this team. *I* should be the captain!" Jericho: "Captain Assclown." Kane and Taker start a double stare Angle's way. "Now listen. Kane, Jericho, keep an eye out for any signs of WCW or EC - E - ... all right, you can be the leader. For tonight. See ya out there." Jericho: "Nice chinstrap!" "You guys keep an eye on our back, all right?" "You got it, Taker." "All right."

NEXT: DDP & Shane McMahon vs. Kurt Angle & Undertaker

Brand-spankin' new inVasion promo...but where can you put Heyman's face on that Shane/Vince poster, hmmm? Looks like they finally settled on WWFWCWInvasion.com for the website - oops, they didn't plan for some ECW in there, eh? Oh well

WWF SmackDown! returns in a moment on UPN! (Just ignore the Dudleyz and Tazz in this bumper, thanks)

Tough Enough is NEXT!

AND UPN sneaks in a three second "Enterprise" spot - man, UPN is WEIRD with their sneaky sneaks tonight.

KURT ANGLE and TAKER v. SHANE O. MAC and DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE - Page pulls Shane close to whisper a plan - looks like they're going to rush the ring....oops, except Page pulls up and lets Shane go in by himself. Saaaaaaay - that's pretty clever of Page! Shane looks back, gives an "oh, you dirty" look, then tries to run at Taker anyway - no, no. Soupbone! Clothesline by Angle! Clothesline by Taker! Kick by Taker, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, left, soupbone, left, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, a few nasty words...and a back elbow. Angle asks for the feed - Taker tosses Shane into Angle's belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Angle hooks the leg - 1, 2, Taker pulls him off. Taker says he ain't done - steps outside, and asks for a tag. He gets it. Taker drags Shane over to his own corner and waits for Page to get HIS tag. Page backs off. Taker pulls up Shane - big soupbone. Taker looks at Page - soupbone for Shane. Soupbone. Pulling him back up - never taking his eyes off Page - soupbone. Whip into the oppoiste corner - follow lariat. Tag to Angle - right hand, right, right. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner warns against the closed fists...but not all that hard. Shane put into the ropes - back elbow by Angle knocks him down. Shane sent into a corner - drop toehold, quickly into the Anglelock but NOW Page interjects himself, pulling Angle off of Shane and outside the ring - big right hand - and thrown into the STEEL steps - and Page keeps going, over the barricade and into the crowd...as Taker enters the frame after him. Taker picks up Angle by the neck. "You all right? Get in there!" Angle duly rolled back in. Page tells Shane that's his shot - with a staggered Angle, it's easy pickin's for the SUPER SHANE SPEAR! Page BEGS for the tag...and gets it. Stomp on Angle, stomp, stomp. Winding it up - and clotheslining him down. Stomp. Whip into the ropes is reversed, but the head is down - Page with a Pearl River Plunge...but Angle is out at 2! Page goes to the camel clutch - big buttdrop on the back - and tag to Shane. Shane in like a butterfly - kick to the ribs, right, right, right, into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow - 1, 2, Angle kicks out. 1, 2, another kickout. Shane holds Angle back and makes the tag. Page up top - big flying clothesline finds the mark - 1, 2, NO! Angle catches the kick and spins him around - ducks the discus lariat, ducks another clothesline, ducks ANOTHER swing, rolls forward and MAKES THE HOT TAG!! Soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone! Head to the buckle! Back elbow! Into the opposite corner, follow lariat! Sidewalk slam! Shane in - Shane eats a clothesline! Taker off the ropes with a DDT! He's making the international sign of the chokeslam - and Page GETS the chokeslam! 1, 2, Shane breaks it up?!? Oh, Shane, Shane, Shane. That ain't too bright, son. Shane with a right to the body, right, right, right, right, right, right, right - none of them have ANY effect. Taker flattens him with a soupbone. AND NOW THE BANDANA'S OFF! Taker puts Shane in position...LAST RIDE WEDGIEBOMB!! Meanwhile, Angle is back in - and clamping on the Anglelock on Page! But Taker shoves him off - he's STILL not done with Page. Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone...oh no - here come LOTS OF W/ECW STARS out through the crowd and over the barricade, and into the ring (Where Have We Seen This Before DQ 6:15)- Angle and Taker have a bit of luck as their opponents attack Black Ninja style - and actually manage to clear the ring! Angle outside to meet SOME MORE W/ECW GUYS - Hugh Morrus to Taker's back - into the ropes, Taker ducks the clothesline, and uncorks a clothesline of his own on Morrus! Another clothesline puts him over the top to the floor. Angle is lost in a sea of humanity out on the floor - Taker returns to Page - gives him a hard look...then comes off the ropes with a NO-HANDS TOPE onto the pile! Taker throwing soupbones at everybody - Angle picking off people when he can - but finally, the numbers take over and the ten get the better of the two....but now KANE & CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO are out! Again the WWF folks manage to take advantage of some dubious attack formations on the part of their adversaries....but STILL MORE W/ECW GUYS are out and the numbers take command once again. Ross: "It must be fifteen on five here!" Well, I count four on the WWF side, but it's the thought that counts. PAUL HEYMAN hits the stage and laughs for the benefit of the camera. The ring is loaded with WWF folks - Angle gets 3D (Dudley Death Drop). Ross can't HELP but think that things might be different if the old Stone Cold was here. Jericho gets a superkick from Storm. Rhyno gores Kane. And finally, Undertaker gets helped to his feet - OUT on his feet - Page gives him some love taps and dares him to respond - Taker with a choke (!) but the backup makes sure he doesn't get far. And there's the Diamond Cutter! "This is Extreme" plays again as STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT, REALLY REALLY SHE CAN'T walks out. Man, are you telling me NOBODY is gonna save these guys? Where are the APA? Where's Test? Where's Billy Gunn? Where's the Big Show? Do NONE of these guys want some revanche, or what? I guess not. To make it even worse, Ross lays it on SUPER thick - we NEED the Old Rattlesnake! We NEED the old Stone Cold!

Pardon ME, Ross, but honestly - would the Old Stone Cold GIVE a flying FUCK about ANY of these people?