One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!

THE ROCK RETURNS: No, this recap *isn't* later, even later than usual because I'm doing some form of protesting - keep your conspiracy theories to yourself, bunky. Oh boy, three minutes of ROCK ROCK ROCK - or as I like to say, FUHFUHWID

Opening Credits

DO YOU LIKE...PYRO? Coming to you from Our Nation's Capitol at the MCI Center and transmitido en espanol SAP on UPN and the Score, the date is 2.8.1 (taped 31.7) and ohhhhhhh what a night...

TONIGHT: Booker T. takes on Undertaker!

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - the latter here at the request of Shane and Stephanie (who have no power in the WWF, last I checked, but), and the former wearing orange just to show some sly solidarity to his old friend...well, maybe not

KURT ANGLE leads us off! Remember him? You know, the guy with the Gold Medals 'round his neck and no hair. Funny looking guy - there you go. I think...I think he's got something to say! "Last Monday night on RAW, Your Olympic Hero faced Booker T with the WCW title on the line...and lost. (boos) Now some may say that I got screwed by Stone Cold Steve Austin...but I'm not gonna stand here and cry about it. Because this is summertime, and summertime is supposed to be fun. And I have way too many things to do on my list before summer ends, and nothing is gonna change that. I'm still gonna polish my Gold Medals....learn how to surf...and oh yeah, go to SummerSlam, KICK STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN'S (beep) AND WIN THE WWF TITLE, WOOOOOW! And Austin, the fact that I'm no longer WCW Champion doesn't change a thing. I still plan on beating you at SummerSlam, and do you know WHY? Because THIS is the United States of AMERICA! And here, you can do ANYTHING you want. You can win an Olympic Gold Medal. You can win NBA titles for the Chicago Bulls, retire, come back, and lead another NBA team to another NBA title - it can happen! You can do unmentionable things with an intern and a cigar, and still rule the free world! But most importantly, as an American, you can get screwed by a guy one day, get up, dust yourself off, face that same guy at SummerSlam, and snap his redneck ankle in two! And Austin, when I face you at SummerSlam, ["Angle!" - hey, THEY know who he is at least] When I face you at SummerSlam, and the crowd is chanting U S A! ["USA!"] It's gonna stand for 'U Submit to Angle!' And do you know what else? Standing here in the nation's capital, I'm kinda gettin' a little choked up; in fact, this may sound a little corny, but I'd like to lead the entire crowd tonight with a rendition of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now you can all join me if you like, or not, it's a free country. 'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and justice for all.' It's true, it's DAMN true! Wooooow!" Time now for the counterpoint, to be delivered by...LANCE STORM, complete with Goofy Leaf flag. "If I can be serious for a minute....the only reason you won Olympic Gold is 'cause you never faced a Canadian in the final!" "Let's...I hate to break it to you, but I *did* face a Canadian in the Olympics in the second round...it lasted about a minute. Way to go, eh?" "That's real funny, Kurt. And no one enjoys a good laugh more than I do. The fact still remains: your American speech was pathetic...and a lie. Studies have *proven* America has one of the highest rates of illiteracy, vandalism, not to mention an inadequate health care system...and this city in particular has one of the highest crime rates in the world today." "Oh really? Well how about if I add to that crime rate by stickin' my red, white and blue shoe right up your (beep)?" "Actually, I wouldn't like that at all. But if you want a fight in a straight-up, athletic contest, I got no problem with that." "That sounds good to me, GEEK. And after I'm done with you, Austin, I'm comin' after you--" Storm throws the belt at Angle, and while he dodges it, uncorks a superkick RIGHT below the chin. Angle takes his flag and his title and walks off as his music plays. Have a replay. Angle is up...and he ain't happy.

Hey hey MANHUNT premieres tomorrow!

HEY! KAROAKANE is back! This makes me want to run out and buy some Stacker 2 RIGHT NOW!

And where that airs, you KNOW that "Kane items or less" is sure to follow

See the WWF LIVE when it comes to YOUR area! Tix on sale Saturday for Dallas, Austin, and Pittsburgh for Unforgiven!

Mr. & Mrs. Austin are WALKING! Shawn Stasiak meets them at the end of the hallway and spills the beans about what Angle just said (and challenged). Austin: "You've got a hell of a physique on ya there, kid - you ever think about getting into the wrestling business? You'd be a natural!" "Well, Mr. Austin, I'm - I'm part of the Alliance!" "Hahaha I'm kidding ya, having a little fun with you, of course you're part of the Alliance! I had my eye on ya." "And I am so happy that you are our leader, you know, I'm just so..." Stasiak takes his hand off Austin's shoulder when he realises Austin is looking at it. "Listen, I've got my eye on you. You're gonna be a great superstar here. I got my eye on you. You're a great kid. You mean the world to me! You're part of the organisation. Go get 'em!" "Thanks, man." "You got it. Good luck to you! Who was that?" "Steve, he's in the Alliance." "Never mind."

HARDY BOYZ (with Lita - and SmackDown! is brought to you by Corn Nuts, MX2002, and Stacker 2!) v. CHUCK PALUMBO & SEAN O'HAIRE in a nontitle bout - still to come: Taker & T! Kane & Kanyon! More alliteration! Angle & Storm! And THE ROCK may say a few words! Matt and Sean hook it up. Hardy shoved into the corner. O'Haire tries an elbow in the corner...and misses. O'Haire runs into an armdrag. There's another armdrag. Hardy brings him up by the arm, arm wringer, tag to Jeff - top rope double sledge to the arm. Why are they working the arm? O'Haire says "I'm tired of you hurting my arm" and shoves Jeff's face to the mat...then tags out. Here comes Chuck Palumbo...running into an armdrag. Hmm, I'm sensing a theme in this match for some reason. Hardy holds onto the arm - Palumbo with a standing switch, but Hardy manages a Japanese armdrag (!), ducks a clothesline, then comes off the ropes with a crossbody for 2. Side headlock by Hardy, Palumbo powers out - Hardy tries a sunset flip but Palumbo fights it. O'Haire over to provide a little leverage, but referee "Blind" Teddy Long decides to kick that illegality away - the sunset flip complete, Hardy gets a 2. Tag to Matt. Doubleteam stompin' in the corner. Head to the buckle - make that ten heads to the buckle. Into the opposite corner - Palumbo up and over, waistlock...Hardy with a standing switch, but Palumbo pulls him into an apron clothesline from O'Haire. Palumbo with a stomp...and a tag. Arm wringer by Palumbo, open kick by O'Haire. O'Haire with an arm wringer - hairpull takedown...another one...tag to Palumbo. Did Long just say "four minutes man, four minutes, four?" Hardy trying to get out - punches to O'Haire, back elbows to Palumbo...but O'Haire with a drop toehold and Palumbo stomping away. Back to the arm wringer - Palumbo pulls Hardy's arm over the shoulder - again - shoulder drive - a little hair tussling - wow, Palumbo's channeling Razor Ramon or something here. Back to the Ramon-esque shoulderdrive - again - discus right! 1, 2, Matt kicks out. Head to the buckle - arm over the top rope, tag to O'Haire...open kick to the exposed arm. Palumbo sneaks in a knee on his way out. O'Haire with a scoop...and a chickenwing slam. O'Haire off the ropes with a kidney kick (!) - 1, 2, no. 1, kickout again. Tag to Palumbo - held open for another open kick in the ribs. Palumbo boots him in the head. Stomp, stomp. "Two minutes." Palumbo to an armbar, slapping his head to add insult to injury as well. Lita leading the crowd in some clapping - Matt to his feet - right, right, right, right, breaks it up - off the ropes...but into a scoop...Palumbo going for a running powerslam, but Matt manages to get back to his feet and counter into a version of the sidewalk slam! Both men are down - Long up to 4 before both men tag - of course, Jeff flips in because *his* is a HOT TAG! Ducks a swing, crossbody off the ropes, dropkick, dropkick for Palumbo, sitout jawbreaker for O'Haire - double leg for Palumbo, Hardyinthehouse double legdrop (I think he said "slashwrestlingdotcom rules" this time) - meanwhile, Matt is working on O'Haire in a corner - dropkick in the booty puts Palumbo outside. O'Haire whipped into the opposite corner - Poetry in Motion - gutshot by Matt, Twist of Fate, Jeff up for the swantonbomb from the top rope...covering...but man, there's like half a minute left in this match if I've been hearing the signals right! Sure enough, Long is busy trying to get Matt back outside the ring - Palumbo with the Jungle kick behind Long's back and Jeff is OUT. Matt is tossed, Palumbo vacates, O'Haire has an arm over Jeff - 1, 2, 3. Hey, see where CHEATING gets ya? (5:36)

WOW! It's the ROCK! And HE! IS! WALKING!

Commentators shill "Roswell" - man, you'd never DREAM that Tazz and Cole were on different sides listening to them swap witty banter thanks to the fine folks at UPN.

Chris Jericho is WALKING! Of course, as he is wont to do, he happens upon Stephanie. "Chris Jericho - my very favourite person." "Stephanie, here we are in Washington, DC, and you without your cigar - how terrible. And by the way, speaking of terrible, it was absolutely terrible how the Rock both verbally and physically abused both you and your brother (Shane) on RAW last Monday. Nobody enjoys seeing you get put in your place more than Y2J." "Yeah, well the Rock's gonna get put in his place because the Rock chose the wrong team - the Rock should be with the Alliance, and now..." "What is that? What is that on your chin?" "What is what? What are you looking at?" "No amount of makeup can cover up that monstrosity - that's a humongous zit!" "There's, there is no zit--" "That's terrible! Edge, Christian, you guys appreciate a good zit, look at the size of that monster, it's Godzilla!" "Total zitastrophe!" "Huge squishy!" "Not only are you a zit-faced loser, but every Jerichoholic in this arena knows that there's nothing more..." "Whoa, before you get on a roll, there is a arena full of Edgeheads that knows you're nothing more than..." "Nonono...there's an arena full of.....people that like cheering for Christian that think you're nothing more than a filthy" "dirty" "disgusting" "brutal" "bottom-feeding" "trashbag" "...Trampasaurus Rex." "You know I don't think you three understand that I own ECW - and the WCW/ECW Alliance is full of very powerful superstars and I'm gonna make sure that the three of you pay for what you just said to me tonight!" And off she runs in tears. "Don't worry Steph - Oxycute 'em!"

Meanwhile, Stacy Keibler catches up to Steve Austin, rats out Angle again, and offers a plate of cookies. "I love cookies!" He tries one - and likes it. "Do you mind? I love 'em, man! You don't mind? These are great!" She walks off as we zoom in...and when Austin looks back from his coffee, cookie in mouth...his wife is standing there. "Mmmm hmmm. What are you doing?" "Hey Debra. What's going on? Just getting some coffee. I missed you. You okay? That Stacy, she can't cook at all - horrible - I'm just drinking coffee. I just wanted to tell you - you look great tonight." "Mmmm hmmmm."

Meanwhile - check that - Earlier Today, Diamond Dallas Page sat in the dark...until the camera panned around to show that he'd built a little temple to house all his photos of Sara. "Everybody thinks you're the All-American girl. Everybody thinks you're a good girl! But we know better than that - don't we? We both know you're a BAD girl. You're a VERY bad girl. And a bad girl like you...needs a bad boy like ME. Yeah. Sara...I know what you need. I know what you want. I FEEL your dreams. When this all first started, Sara...I just wanted to be famous. Now....I just wanna be yours." And he licks the picture. "I think we need some private time." And he blows out a candle. Fortunately, we go to ad break before he sticks the photo down his pants...

LIVE SMACKDOWN! IN TWO WEEKS! WE BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL RAW IS WAR THEME! CAPITAL LETTERS!

WCW U.S. TITLE: KANYON v. KANE - "Of all the questions that they ask on Capital Hill, one remains unanswered: WHO BETTER THAN KANYON?" Instead of hoping the crowd will know to say "EVREEBUDDY," they hit the Kane flames instead. Now then, seeing the third man is Nick Patrick, I'm gonna lay out until the inevitible WCW screwjob finish, which happens as Kane has Kanyon in the choke - Kanyon pulls Patrick towards him - Patrick frees himself, sees Kane hit the chokeslam, and calls for the bell...announcing Kane the winner (DQ 1:55) and giving Kanyon his belt back. This would have pretty clever if they were trying to establish that Patrick was actually calling it down the middle, but they've already pissed away THAT idea with all the classic "oh Randy Savage broke my neck" spots...the end result is I'm sad that I know I can immediately write off a match if I see Patrick in there. Maybe they'll do something about that....maybe. (Hebner/Patrick II should NOT be the answer.) Oh, post-match, Kane chokeslams Patrick. Yeah. Poor Kane: he lost his belt!

THE ROCK! IS! STILL! WALKING!

Tough Enough ad - Kurt Angle SPEAKS!

Ooh - CODE RED SLRUPEE!

Stephanie asks the Dudley Boyz & Rhyno to shut up Jericho, Edge and Christian's mouths for good.

IF YA SMELLLLLL (with TV-PG-DLV & Transmitido En Espanol SAP boxes) is out. "FINALLY, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Washington, DC! You know, the entire world wants to know why the Rock chose the WWF over the Alliance. The world wants to know the Rock's explanation as to why he's in the WWF and not the Alliance. Well it's really simple, because the Rock says this: the Rock didn't come back to the WWF for Vince McMahon, because the Rock owes Vince McMahon absolutely nothing. Vince McMahon didn't make the Rock - hell, the Rock didn't even make the Rock....the People made the Rock. And being in Washington, DC, just like the Constitution says, 'we the people, for the people.' Now, that's tall people, short people, fat people, skinny people, people who make Slurpees, people who have herpes...all the people that get rid of household pests, and all the people who have enormous breasts." OH MAN I'VE MISSED THE ROCK MAKING LISTS "all kidding aside, the ROck was born in the WWF, and the Rock'll never LEAVE the WWF...and as God is the Rock's witness, the Rock will forever *be* the People's Champion. Now the Rock will admit there is one more reason why the Rock came back to the WWF....payback. Payback to a certain bald-headed, guitar-strumming, biggest piece of Texas trailer park trash called Stone Cold Steve Austin! So Austin, the Rock knows that Kurt Angle came out and he challenged you to a match at SummerSlam - no problem. Because you see, the Rock has waited four long months...he doesn't wanna wait four more seconds, so Austin....Austin, you wanna walk around with your WWF Championship, you wanna walk around with your guitar, walk around singing songs, walk around giving hugs - Stone Cold Steve Austin, why don't you come out and hug the Rock." OH MAN TWO LISTS IN ONE PROMO ROCK E ROCK E ROCK E *cough* *cough* *sputter* ahem. I'm better now. We are saved by NAPPY T. "Whoa. Hold on one second, Rock." "You suck!" chant. "You think you can just waltz back in here and challenge Stone Cold Steve Austin? Oh hell no - you're not in the man's league. More importantly, you're not in MY league. In fact, you're lucky I don't walk down there right now and kick your pretty ass up--" Rock holds up a hand to stop him. "Rock E!" Rock seems puzzled. "WHO in the blue hell are you?" "Who am I? Who am *I*? I'm the WCW Champion, sucka!" "Just so the Rock understands this...you're the WCW Champion sucka? What's more important - the Rock doesn't believe he caught your name." "What's my NAME? Hell, my name is Booker T--" "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!" "Well I'll tell you what. It should matter, because I came out here tonight to challenge your punk ass to a match at SummerSlam! What do you think about THAT, Rocky?" "You're goin' to SummerSlam?" "Oh yeah - I'll be there." "Well what are you gonna be there for, what, does somebody need to park their car there outside the building?" "You didn't say that. Tell me you did not just say that." "Oh the Rock did say that, and the Rock says this: you want to come out here and run your mouth at the Rock, on the Rock's show (SmackDown!), well the Rock says THIS: Booker C, Booker G, T, hell it doesn't matter what your name is, why don't you walk down the ramp, we don't wait for SummerSlam, the Rock'll whip your candyass all over Washington, DC!" Here come the money - here come SHANE O. MAC to hold the man back. "Who the hell do you think YOU are? This man right here, Booker T, is the WCW Champion, ROCK. And not only does Booker T have twice the athletic talent that you have, Rock, but Booker T has something that you do not, and that is championship gold, Rock. And you WILL respect him, you understand me? Oh, that's right, Rock, that's right, I forgot...respect is a foreign concept to you, isn't it? Yeah, otherwise you would not have Rock Bottomed me last MOnday night in the middle of the ring! All my life I've gotten exactly what I want, EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. And Rock, by you choosing to go with the World Wrestling Federation, Rock, and not going with the Alliance, you know what, Rock? I don't want you in the Alliance anymore. We don't want you! But Rock, what I do want is I want a piece of the Rock. I want a piece of YOUR ass, Rock!" "Shane's a pussy!" "And the only reason why, Rock, that Booker T is not walking down the People's Ramp, and coming into the People's Ring, and kicking YOUR candyass all over the place is for one reason, because I want something. And Rock, Shane O. Mac wants to go ONE on ONE with the Great One. This Monday night, Rock - RAW is WAR - Shane O. Mac and you in a street fight - what do you think about that?" "What does Rock think about that? Between you wantin' a piece of the Rock's ass, and your friend being the...champion sucka, the Rock wants to know just what in the hell kinda Alliance you're running over there. Shane McMahon, you and the Rock, Monday Night RAW, Street Faht, one on one with the Great One, the Rock has no problem with that. Because this Monday night, the Rock is gonna...whup your candyass, and one way or that other, the Rock is gonna get his payback on Stone Cold Steve Austin's candyass, and as you can tell, the Rock sets out to get exactly what he wants...with all the electricity surrounding us, as you now know, the Rock...is back. IF YA SMELLLLLLALALALALALOOOOOW what the Rock...is cookin'."

You're watching UPN!

Experience the WWF LIVE! San Diego Sunday, Anaheim for RAW, and Los Angeles Tuesday!

Austin is saved from further trying to explain how he was FAKING eating Stacy's cookies by a knock at the door. It's Lance Storm. "I just wanted to let you know, I got Kurt Angle tonight - and when I get through with him, there's gonna be nothing left of him for you at SummerSlam. You are gonna accept his challenge, aren't you?" Debra pops up. "Of COURSE he's gonna accept it! I mean, he's Stone Cold Steve Austin!" "DEBRA! Would you sit down, I'm trying to talk - can we be serious, I'm trying to talk to Lance Storm! Thank you very much. You go out there and make an example out of Kurt Angle. You do it for yourself, do it for your country, do it for the Alliance, do it for Stone Cold Steve Austin! Go out there and whip that man's ass - good luck, Lance!" After he leaves... "Don't ever embarrass me like that."

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ and RHYNO v. KING EDGE & CHRISTIAN (with trophy - and Heat hype - Scotty 2 Hotty hosts!) and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Bar that door for me, Kate, we got us a Pier Six here. Amazingly, and by "amazingly," I mean "every time this happens at the start of a WWF match," the ring quickly clears of all but two participants - in this case, Jericho and Rhyno - right by Rhyno, right, right, right, right. Right. Kick. Into the ropes, head down, Jericho kicks, chop, chop, chop, into the corner is reversed, but Jericho gets up an elbow to block the spear - second rope - dropkick gets 2. To the corner, tag to Christian - doubleteam stompin'. Right hand by Christian, right, right, into the ropes is reversed and Rhyno pulls Christian into the short clothesline. To his corner for a tag to D-Von - open right - right puts Christian down. Right. Into the ropes, Christian slides under and grabs a waistlock - but D-Von back elbows out. D-Von off the ropes...Christian catches him in an atomic drop. Nice dropkick. Tag to Edge - D-Von into the ropes - swinging into the sidewalk slam/Slop Drop combo - 1, 2, Bubba Ray breaks it up. Right by Edge. Into the ropes, reversed, Dudley's dropkick misses when Edge grabs the ropes - but Rhyno grabs EDGE and urges D-Von to take a free shot. Unfortunately for him, Edge breaks free just in time and Rhyno eats the punch. Schoolboy by Edge - but only 2. Bubba grabs the hair and whips Edge down to the mat. D-Von stomps away...and Bubba gets some free elbow as well, since referee "Blind" Earl Hebner was busy in the other corner. Tag to Bubba Ray - right hand. Headfirst into the buckle. "This is for Stephanie, pretty boy!" Open-handed slap. "Stephanie wants you DEAD!" Axehandle. "Stephanie said to KILL you!" Right hand. Wow, I don't think she went THAT far. "Stephanie -- OOF!" as Edge pops back with a right, right, Bubba with a tomahawk chop to regain the advantage. Tag to D-Von. Into the ropes, double flapjack. Bubba gives Jericho a free shot, ensuring Hebner will be busy trying to keep he and Christian from getting into the ring...D-Von stomping away behind his back. Tazz says Austin smartened him up the night he kicked his butt in his own hometown, 'cause not one WWF superstar came out to save him. That made him realise it was time to jet. Nice to hear they're friends now. Rhyno is in - stomp. Right hand, right to the back of the head. Headbutt. Set up for the powerbomb...but Edge breaks free! Ducks the clothesline, Edge with the SPEAR! But both men are down. Rhyno tags D-Von - Edge with a HOT TAG to Jericho! Amazingly, BOTH Jericho and D-Von duck as they run towards each other - which looks a little silly. Jericho keeps running and tags Bubba Ray instead. D-Von misses a clothesline, Jericho with a shoulderblock off the ropes. Another shoulderblock. Swinging neckbreaker off the ropes. Rhyno in - Christian off the ropes with a top rope forearm smash to take HIM out of the ring - D-Von gets the bulldog - Jericho going for the Lionsault but D-Von rolls out of the way - Jericho lands on his feet, but his back is to Bubba Ray, who is back in...and there's a big forearm in the back. Scoop...and a slam. Looks like he's setting him up for "What Are You Doing?" but Jericho turns it into a rollup of Bubba Ray...and Edge shoves D-Von off the turnbuckle into a headbutt of his own brother's graun! Double leg on D-Von...into the Walls of Jeircho! Too bad Hebner is trying to get Bubba Ray out of the ring, 'cause he's missing D-Von's tapout...ohhhhh Rhyno in with a GORE! GORE! GORE! on Jericho - D-Von covers as Rhyno disappears. 1, 2, 3. (5:03) Replay of the goregoregore. Jericho seems miffed.

Austin fingers one of Debra's cookies...no, no, DAMN you have a sick mind sometimes. "Man my stomach is killing me - I am so hungry. If I just had a hamburger, some broccoli, a vegetable tray, anything..." "Honey - honey, you have one of my cookies in your hand." "What's your point?" "The point is, that's a cookie I baked - you need to eat that cookie if you're hungry." "See...it's always gotta be about you, doesn't it, Debra? Look at me - you gotta be so damn selfish with your stupid cookies." "I worked hard on these cookies, I was thoughtful!" "I don't care what you did! I'm trying to think, I gotta lotta things on my mind, I'm starving! I'm dying over here! I'm hungry! And you're with the 'Eat my cookies, I got some cookies.' Take that stupid tray and get your ass outta here! I'm hungry, I'm tired, and I'm (beep) off!" "FINE. I will." "Don't let the door hitcha in the ass."

Hey now, time for the JVC Giga-Tube Blast of the Night! From RAW, Stone Cold Steve Austin uses the awesome power of the Stunner to help Booker T win back his championship belt from Kurt Angle.

Jeff Jarrett's music plays...but alas, it's only MRS. AUSTIN - strange that she gets WWF chyron and a WWF website plug despite being part of the Alliance (and despite the W/ECW logos in the centre of the Time Tunnel). Debra carries the suddenly ubiquitous tray of cookies. "I just wanna say that certain individuals have been saying some really, REALLY mean things about Debra's Famous Home-style Cookies...so tonight, I made a special batch just for all you fans here in Washington, DC! And now it's time for the taste test." Hit Jeff Jarrett's music again! Hey Debra's wearing one o' them pornstar belts. About half of the front row gets cookies - they seem to like them - HEY WOW, it's the "Big Cat" Ernie Ladd lookalike contest winner there! "Now, this is the moment of truth - I wanna know how many fans out there really, really loved my cookies." The sound of breaking glass blocks the reply - STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out (with WWF chyron and website plug - hmmmmmmmmmmm). He SNATCHES the mic from Debra. "I wanna know what the hell you think you're doin'. Look at me! What, are you Betty Crocker? Is it - look it me. Is this the Debra show? No it ain't, Debra - it's the World Wrestling Federation and look at me, Stone Cold Steve Austin is the CHAMP. THAAAAAAAT'S RIGHT. I got Kurt Angle runnin' me down, Kurt--" Debra snatches the mic back. "And like I was sayin', STEVE, the fans love my cook--" HA! SNATCH "Anyway. I got the Rock flappin' his gums, 'I'm back, I'm back, I want a title shot.' Big deal, Rock. Kurt Angle comes out here--" SNATCH Debra is starting to punctuate her words with a finger in the chest. "I am so SICK and TIRED of you ALWAYS disrespectin' me - it's always about YOU -- STONE COLD! You're think you all that! I'm so tired of that! You have no right to run me down like you do. How DARE you! That is not the way you treat your wife! You should be ASHAMED--" HAHA AUSTIN RULES SNATCH "LIKE I WAS SAYIN'. Rock wants ta flap his gums..." Debra has unloaded her tray and is winding up... "'Hey I'm back! Four months is over, I want a title shot.' As far as I'm concerned, Kurt Angle is out here, and--" WHACK - Debra just *brains* him with the tray! Then she makes a melodramatic dusting of her hands. Play Jeff Jarrett's music! "Debra! Debra come back! Debra, look! (on knees) Debra! I'm, I'm eatin' the cookies - I LOVE the cookies! DEBRA!" But she's backstage by now. Austin drops the cooky and looks out to the crowd. Then...a sneer curls his lip. He spits out a cooky chunk "EHHHHHHHHHHHH - that's WHY I came out here anyway. Kurt Angle, you come out here in this Mickey Mouse town called DC [Umm, Austin - Mike Eisner on Line 1 - something about a lawsuit?] it's the worst day of my American life - you come out here and you pledge allegiance to the Flag. Let me tell you something, Kurt Angle - you challenge Stone Cold Steve Austin - SummerSlam. World Wrestling Federation title on the line. I accept! And what I'm pledgin' - what Stone Cold Steve Austin is pledgin' is to whip your red, white and blue, sorry ass Olympic ass. And that's the bottom line....because the World Wrestling Federation CHAMPION said so."

Tough Enough ad #2

This hour, it's Edge & Christian shilling Stacker 2

Corn Nuts proudly presents the Hardcore Smack of the Night! From Earlier Tonight, Lance Storm reacts, challenges, and superkicks - Kurt Angle on the receiving end of all three.

To the Commissioner's office, where Regal wonders if Taker will be back in time for the main event - or if he'll be so consumed with finding Page that he won't show.

LANCE STORM v. KURT ANGLE in a (I guess) nontitle match - No title graphics, so I guess it's for PRAHD. Angle sure smiles a lot more now that he's a face, doesn't he? Feeling out process - they lock up - Angle rides the waistlock to the mat - Storm slips out and grabs a hammerlock - both men back to their feet - fireman's carry takeover by Angle to an armbar - Storm kicks him in the face to break THAT up. Stomp. Chop by Storm - chop. Into the oppostie corner is reversed, hiptoss takeover by Angle as Storm comes out, clothesline when he pops up - into the ropes, biiiig back body drop. Angle in control - right, into the ropes, reversal, Storm rolls him into the half crab...but Angle isn't in it long, grabbing Storm's leg and pulling him down into the Anglelock! Storm quickly hotfoots - well, hotelbows it to the bottom rope - Angle stomp, stomp. Austin watches a monitor from his sofa - an ice bag on his head. Storm comes back with a hot shot. Storm with an elbowdrop, another elbowdrop, into the ropes, forearm smash gets 2. Austin glowers. Storm with a vertical suplex. 1, 2, nope. Storm to the headlock. Looks like Angle took a shot - his right eye has a cut above it. Angle battling back to his feet - elbow, elbow, right, right, into the ropes, Storm ducks - dueling crossbody blocks and both men are in pain - give it a Double Feature. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson keeps up the count - both men up after 8. Angle with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes, Angle with a flying jalapeno, clothesline, Storm put in the corner, no Angle pulls him back into a belly-to-belly. Olympic Slam - no, Storm lands on his feet - Angle ducks a clothesline, Storm ducks a clothesline, Storm with the superkick to take him outside! Storm is out after him - right hand, right, right, hard whip into the STEEL steps. Angle's mouth is bleeding as well. Storm is giving him the bad mouth... "I own you, you piece of crap! I OWN YOU! You're mine!" Head into the steps again. "You're a zero! You're a zero!" Oops, I guess he shouldn't have said THAT - Angle catches a second wind - right, right, right, whip into the barricade! Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp. Angle walks Storm to the timekepeer's table, to the barricade, to the table again, and FINALLY back int he ring. Angle ducks a clothesline, right, right, right, right, right, right, right...Olympic Slam...DOWN COME THE STRAPS...Anglelock. Storm has to tap. (5:40) Angle spits some blood for effect....ewwwww.

Back to the commissioner's office. "That Kurt Angle, he does the WWF proud. It's wonderful to have someone like this in the company." Taker and Sara barge in. "You lookin' for me?" "Yes, I'm looking for you." "What's up, come on." "You're in the main event tonight against Booker T. I'm sorry, it's a nontitle match, but you're still in the main event." "Wait a minute, I'm in the main event with Booker T and it's not a title match." "Yes." "Can you explain something to me?" "Wot?" "What the hell good is it to wrestle the WCW Champion and it be a nontitle match - what, am I not worthy? I spend my whole damn afternoon goin' around to every sleazy dive hotel in DC looking for that skeezer Page, and I get back and the only way I get to relieve any aggression... is a match with Booker T for - what? What, for pride? I got plenty of pride, I'd like the title!" "I mean...there is one way. If you could persuade Booker T to put the title on the line, then you can have your title shot." "Is that my job to persuade Booker T?" "Well, no, I..." "Okay, that's fine. I'll persuade Booker T. It will be a title match. And my aggression - it will be let out tonight. How do you like that?" "Wonderful. Yes." "What are you looking at?" Tajiri lets out a howl of fear before Taker takes off.

Man, doesn't "Rat Race" look like it either belongs back in the 1970s or airing on ABC...in the 1970s?

And now, Subway asks you to eat fresh as you enjoy the WWF Slam of the Week! From RAW, X-Pac unifies the WWF light heavyweight title and the WCW cruiserweight title - such a momentous occasion that....well, it's the Slam of the Week!

WOW! The exterior of the MCI Center! That can only mean it's time to...

go back to Last Week...on Tough Enough

Shane paces about in the locker room...until Booker T returns. He reveals that he accepted Taker's challenge to put the belt on the line. He promises to bury the Dead Man, and prove something to the Rock and the millions of his damn fans. "That sucka DISSED me, man. He said he didn't know my name? He had the audacity not to know Booker T? I'm the FIVE-TIME WCW Champion. That sucka dissed me, I'm gon' take him outta the game, I'm gon' take the Undertaker out tonight - it's starts tonight, Shane. Gimme some!" Shane says he wishes Rock was still here 'cause WHAM he'd take him out right now instead of Monday...

Rock catches this on the Magic Window...looks like he hasn't left - and he ain't leaving NOW...

NEXT: Booker T. vs. Undertaker!

LIVE SMACKDOWN! 2 WEEKS

Hey you know what "Manhunt" is reminding me of? I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. "The Running Man"

It's not to late to visit upn44.tv and enter to win FRONT ROW SEATS for SummerSlam! And if you win, it's not too late to take ME!!!!!!

"SummerSlam is coming" - and Drowning Pool has already come and GONE

WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: TAKER (with Sara) v. NAPPY T (with Shane O. Mac) - Shockingly, the CHALLENGER enters the ring FIRST! And strangely, we have a WWF official in this match - Tim White. Taker from behind to start with a soupbone - soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, into the corner, sidewalk slam out. 1, 2, nope. Into the ropes, big boot, legdrop, 2. Funny, that always worked for HOGAN... Forearm across the back - into the ropes, T ducks the clothesline, we take a look at Shane (to edit out a blown spot?) and when we look back, T is holding the ropes...but Taker runs at him with a running clothesline to put him outside. Taker out after him - soupbone! Soupbone! Scoop...but Shane flits around, distracting Taker long enough to help Booker to get off Taker's shoulder...and kick the back of the knee. Head to the STEEL steps - again. And once more. Taker rolled back in the ring, T through the ropes as well. Kick, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. T tells White to stop telling him kicking in the corner is illegal. When he turns back, Taker's caught his wind - switch in the corner - back elbow, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - into the corner, but T gets the elbow up. T tries a spin kick, but Taker catches it and turns it into a sidewalk slam. Taker - Taker with a JUJIGATAME? That sure LOOKS like a cross armbreaker from the Dead Man - who knew? Taker breaks the hold to take a lunge at Shane. Taker to the arm wringer...pulling down on it...and now it looks like it's time for a little Old School...but Shane jumps on the apron and shakes the top rope until Taker crotches himself! T lands a SWEET Harlem sidekick to put Taker on the floor. Shane over to stomp away while White chastises T (keeping his back to the action) T outside. Head to the commentary table - again - a THIRD time. T winds up for the backhand chop - but Taker fires back with a slap of his own. T with a knee, Taker rolled back in the ring. T advancing on him - elbow, elbow, elbow. Kick. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, again he has to stop to set White straight. Back over to pull up Taker - another big elbow. Taker fires back with a soupbone. Right by T...soupbone by Taker. Right by T...soupbone by Taker. Block, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, kick, but T gets up a knee. Into the ropes, Taker ducks the clothesline, and flies off with one of his own that connects! Taker is pouring it on now - soupbone, soupbone left soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, into the opposite corner...running clothesline. Into the opposite corner - Shane is up on the apron and White drops everything to talk to him...as Taker runs towards T, T pulls White in Taker's path, knocking him out. Taker, unfazed, pops Shane with a soupbone to put him back on the floor. Chokeslam coming up...but Shane grabs Sara - well THAT got his attention. Taker lets T go and slowly advances...Sara manages to get one arm free and back elbow Shane - then runs - Shane follows and eats a soupbone. Sara sneaks in a field goal kick. Taker with a soupbone. Sara with another kick. Meanwhile, T has a chair - before Taker can give Shane any more, T lets crack with a WHACK. Taker turns round - WHACK to the head. T chases Sara out of the action...then rolls Taker back into the ring. T winds up with the chair...but IF YA SMELLL is out - right, right, right, right, ROCK BOTTOM! Shane in - and FLYING over with *his* WHACK to the Rock! Shane shoves Rock outside and gets to kicking his carcass - mount, rights a plenty from Shane. Meanwhile, Taker has draped an arm across T and White is FINALLY waking up. 1..... 2....... Shane pulls him out! One right hand from Shane will probably keep White from regaining consciousness. Shane goes for the belt - the chase is on but Shane's already passed the title. Shane in the ring, Taker finally catches him and he's got him in the choke - T with a WHACK with the title to knock him down. Wow, will T actually get a pin on Taker, even if it IS tainted? Rock pulls Shane out - right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT - Rock mounts Shane on the commentary table and punches away - meanwhile, Charles Robinson is out - 1, 2, TAKER KICKS OUT! Come on, that wasn't THAT much of a surprise, was it? T motions to the back - "come on out, boys!" And here come the troops of the W/ECW LOCKER ROOM - but Rock is *already* back in the ring - spinebuster for O'Haire - block, right, right, right for Palumbo, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT - meanwhile, Raven is patiently waiting for HIS turn to have his ass kicked. Taker takes out Stasiak, Credible and Awesome with soupbones. Rock Bottom for Raven. Chokeslam for Credible. Chokeslam for Awesome. Meanwhile, Robinson, Shane and T have taken off and are all the way up the ramp. "Rollin'" plays (DQ? No contest? 9:44?) as Cole hypes up the Street Fight on RAW - and oh, by the way, Tough Enough is on MTV!

CRZ
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