LAST MONDAY: TV-PG-DLV wow what happened to the opening logo? I guess we need to PACK IN this clip package highlighting Monday's main event. What? You FORGOT who was involved? Go read the RAW report!

Opening Credits - close captioned logo, too

WE GOT PYRO - Coming to you from the Joe - the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI 30.8.1 (taped 28.8) and SAP transmitido en espanol - 17K in the building and you and I watchin' on TV - something's got to give - it's UPN - it's SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: Rob van Dam & Rhyno clash with The Rock & Chris Jericho!

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ & TEST (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. APA & WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Bradshaw and D-Von face off - unfortunately, Bradshaw is too interested in giving the evil eye to Test, and D-Von forearms the back of Test's head. Right, right, into the ropes, Bradshaw witha shoulderblock. Right hand, vertical suplex. 1, 2, kickout. Austin and Angle in the house TONIGHT! Head to Faarooq's boot - tag. Into the ropes, double shoulderblock, Faarooq covers for 2. Right, right, blind tag, into the ropes, D-Von ducks the swing and Bubba Ray sneaks under - dobule neckbreaker on Faarooq! Double axehandle from Bubba Ray - elbowdrop - forearm in the back - tag to Test. Open shot, right, right, right, Faarooq trying to fire back - right, left, right, Test with a knee. Put in the corner, opposite corner whip, follow clothesline. Test running in but Faarooq meets him with a shouldertackle. Is the crowd chanting "We want Big Show?" No, they're chanting "We want tables." Oh well. Tag to D-Von, tag to Bradshaw! Big boot! Into the ropes, back elbow. Into the corner, lariat. Free elbow for Bubba Ray, Test is in and HE gets a big boot. D-Von into the ropes, reversed, Bradshaw ducks - then catches him for a fallaway slam. Bubba Ray over to finally get a clothesline on Bradshaw...while Test gives Show a free shot and knees Faarooq off the apron. Oh oh, I think he made Show mad - hairpull takedown on Test, Diesels in, clothesline for Bubba Ray, clothesline for D-Von, boot for Test. Bubba Ray tries a forearm in the back - Show turns around and gets him in the choke. Only a double lowblow/chop block from Test and D-Von prevent the finisher. Wow, all three men laying in wait - modified 3D!! Test and D-Von got Show up and Bubba Ray finished it! The APA are back in now - Bradshaw with a shoulder to Test, taking him out - Faarooq with a spinebuster on Bubba Ray - D-Von putting Bradshaw into the corner, but Bradshaw evades the running splash - Bradshaw off the ropes and you know it's next - HADES LARIAT - I'll bet you forgot who the legal men were, but Tim White didn't - 1, 2, 3! (3:11 was my brother's favourite group) Surely this - THIS will be the turning point in that heated WWF/Alliance rivalry!

HEY! Kurt Angle is backstage and WALKING! (with a purpose)

Feel the excitement of the WWF live - Saturday in Worcester, Sunday in Halifax, RAW in Toronto, and SmackDown! is also Toronto (is it live in Canada or are they just confusing me?)

KURT ANGLE hits the ring (no pyro - he must have a match later tonight) and in case you've forgotten, Austin has stolen his gold medals (but not put them in "a very safe place" like Benoit did). What's he got to say? And where IS his hair going? "Austin! I've tried to be a nice guy. At SummerSlam, I was nice enough to kick outta three Stone Cold Stunners...and let these people enjoy a classic match...only to see you get yourself disqualified...only because you couldn't beat Your Olympic Hero. Then, the following night...you had your little Austin Appreciation Night...with singing and cookies...and again, I was nice enough to drive all the way in, and supply you with some good, wholesome milk. And you didn't even thank me! Then, last Monday night I was nice enough again to invite you to be part of a tag team match, and what did you do? You ignored my invitation, you showed up at ringside, you attacked me, and you ran off with my gold medals. And you know what, Austin? Since you were nice enough to take somethin' from me, I only feel compelled to return the favour. You wanna wear my medals? You wanna take my most prized possession? Well *I* say...I want yours. THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION TITLE - WOOOW! And you know what, Austin? I can't help it, I AM a nice guy. So allow me to be nice enough to extend an invitation to you to join me at Unforgiven, so I can have the honour of kickin' your (beep) and becoming WWF Champion! Wooow! And you know what, Austin? This isn't the first time that I had my medals taken from me. And we all know that eventually I'm gonna get them back. So why don't you come out here and face me like a man....and allow me to take my medals from your big, red neck? Oh, it's true. Let's go Austin!" But it's not Austin responding...it's NAPPY T & SHANE O. MAC out to the ring. Booker strikes a pose...reaches back...and Shane passes him the relay baton - I mean, mic. "Kurt Angle...you GOTS to be kidding me." Crowd chant: "You suck!" "You come out here talkin' about having your gold medals stole - HELL, everybody knows I'M the one that's been robbed! At SummerSlam, the WCW title was STOLEN from me by the Rock. And Kurt, you talk about what you did in the Olympics, it means NOTHING." "Ass hole!" "AND THE BOOK MEANS NOTHING! Compared to the fact that I AM a FIVE-TIME, FIVE-TIME, FIVE-TIME, FIVE-TIME...WCW Champ!" Poor Shane...counting along, and got left hanging when Booker only said it four times. "I AM...the Bookerman." "Whoa whoa whoa - hold on a second! Did the...spinaroonie all of a sudden become an Olympic sport? No. So why don't you go back to your little dressing room...practice your little dancing...send out another audition tape for Soul Train and get the hell out of this ring!" I wonder if Booker will say...aha! "He didn't say that. Tell ME he did not just say that!" I dig that, by the way. "You know Kurt, I came out here 'cause I felt like we were both in the same boat - having both been robbed, but now I realise we ain't nothin' alike." "Wow Booker! You ARE a sharp guy! Oh, it's true." "Yeah I am. Yeah I am a sharp guy. I know a whole lotta things - like this city...has a disgraceful crime rate. It's at its all-time high, and guess what? I'm gonna add to it tonight...by muggin' you in the middle of this ring, later tonight." "Booker, if you're challenging me to a match tonight - I say that's fine. Because after I take care of business with Austin, I'm going to rip your whole..." Shane interrupts: "Hey hey hey! WHO do you think you're talking to? Count 'em, this is the - you should show your respect - this is the 1, 2, 3, 4, FIVE time WCW Champion - THE most electrifying man in sports entertainment today!" Booker drops his head and starts to quiver. "Oh oh - I'm feelin' - back it up - back it up - I'm sensin' something big - I'm sensin' something big - oh yeah - this is the man - the most electrifying MOVE in sports entertainment today - step back, Kurt - OH THE SPINAROONIE! YEAH! YEAH! You wanna piece of that, Angle, what, are you kidding me? What are you gonna do about that? WHAT are you gonna do about that? That's what I wanna know! WHAT are you gonna do about THAT, Olympic hero? You think you got - oh!" and Angle pops him one. Here comes Booker - block, right, right, right, right, clotheslined out of the ring - Shane tries a clothesline - Angle ducks - Olympic slam! Off comes the shirt! Angle wants an anklelock but Shane gets to steppin'. Refs Korderas and Patton come out to keep Booker from getting back in the ring as Angle's music plays....but no sooner are Shane and Booker off than Stone Cold Steve Austin's face appears on the big video screens. "What are you doin', Kurt? Standin' in my ring challenging Stone Cold Steve Austin to a match? You think you're pretty tough? What? Is this what you want, Kurt? Or are you lookin' for these? Huh? Remember these, the gold medals you said Stone Cold Steve Austin'd never have, huh? You want these? What? You wonder where I'm at, Kurt? I'm only a coupla footsteps away, right here in the back of the Joe Louis Arena. You want this belt? You want these stupid little gold medals that you worked so hard for? Come in the back - I'll hand 'em to ya." Angle leaves the ring and sprints to the back...just in time for an ad break.

Tazz heists Stacker 2

It's a Special Video Deal from the WWF Shopzone! Three videos, three limited edition Fleer trading cars, and a T-shirt - ONLY $39.95! With specials like this, I can almost FEEL the stock price climbing

Moments Ago, three paragraphs ago - look in Austin's eyes - full creep mode there

During the Break, Scotty 2 Hotty told Angle that as soon as Austin saw Angle leave the ring, he picked up his bags and left. So Angle took it out on a nearby trash receptacle instead.

TAKER (on his beautiful something Python bike) v. YAAAAAAAAAAALBERT (with X-Pactor) in a return bout - both X-Pac and Albert hit the ring for a pre-match doubleteam...whip out, double clothesline ducked, Taker clotheslines Albert, catches 'Pac's spinning heel kick and drops him - gutshot to Albert - into the opposite corner, clothesline - X-Pac into the corner, scooped up on the shoulder as he comes out, dropped into Snake Eyes - off the ropes with a big boot. But Albert sneaks in the BALDOBOMB! Albert asks for the match to be started, and referee "Blind" Jack Doan dutifully rings the bell. Albert off the ropes with a big splash - 1, 2, NO!! Albert spends a little too much time arguing the count, but gets back on the Taker - right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, uppercut. SmackDown! will air on *Tuesday* next week - oh, nice of them to tell me? Head to the buckle, right. Taker trying to shake it off. Right by Albert - into the ropes, clothesline puts him down. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Taker back to his feet - soupbone! Albert with a right, Taker with a soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, Albert pops in a right - into the ropes, head down, Taker with the DDT. Taker off the ropes - big boot! X-Pac has a chair as Taker gets ready for the last ride - chair in the ring, X-Pac around to the other side to get on the apron, drawing over Doan...and then Taker, who lets go of Albert to bring X-Pac in the hard way. 'Pac begging off, Doan trying to get him out, Taker wants a piece of him - in the midst of all this, Albert manages a WHACK with the chair to the back - off the ropes with the big splash - 1, 2, KICKOUT!! Albert grabs the chair again - running at Taker - running into the big boot to the chair, to the head. Taker picks up the chair in plain sight - Doan tells him not to do it - Taker does it. WHACK. ALBERT WINS!! (DQ 2:14) Taker isn't too pleased about this - looks like *Doan* might get a chokeslam - but X-Pac is up from behind with *another* chairshot. Taker, on one knee, looks greatly annoyed. Soupbone to the chair into X-Pac!! Taker is up - his back may hurt, but X-Pac is still light enough to take a Last Ride. Taker clutches his back as his music plays - I think Albert is getting to him...hey, *I* wouldn't mind seeing these two go at it again...

Stacy has a tray of ... cookies, maybe? Also, Shawn Stasiak is alongside. Together, they are WALKING!! Stacy stops. "What?" "Stacy, do you really think this is gonna work?" "Shawn, if I were you, I'd leave the talking to me. Come on." "If you insist..."

This Tuesday SmackDown! is LIVE! From Toronto! On UPN! Hmmm...

Man, I wish Buffy would come back from the dead already 'cause I sure am TIRED of all these ADS

And now, the WWF Smack of the Night, presented by Clearasil! From RAW, Angle takes out Raven - then Austin makes sure his ankle is broken

HEY! It's the outside of the Joe!

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Debra fell victim to the ol' bucket on the door trick (with extra chunks)

In the Room of Fun, Debra reacts to watching that replay...then turns even MORE sour when Keibler and Stasiak come in. She profusely apologises, and offers...a tray of cookies, in the hopes that they can exchange recipes. "And - and you helped her with these?" "Oh yeah." Debra deigns to try a cookie...and proclaims them pretty good (she can't believe it). "Now - what kind is that right there?" Stacy leans in, and Debra upends the ray in her face - then spanks her with it. "Both of you get out - you get out, right now! And by the way, these are STORE-BOUGHT cookies, they're not Debra cookies!"

Elsewhere, Christian is on the phone. "What are you talkin' about, she won't accept the charges? I'm her freakin' GRANDSON! Did you dial the right number, huh? Forget it, you're useless." Edge is in to meet him - Christian is hyped for the fact that with Edge's match against Kanyon, they have a chance to become "seven-time tag team King of the US ...continental champions, GOD that rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?" Edge tells Christian that tonight, he wants to win this one alone - he appreciates everything "we've" done together but this one is just him. "You got it?" "Yeah. Alone...I gotcha."

And now we head out to the parking lot, where the intrepid WWF cameras have found Austin sitting on the roof of a parked car. "Kurt! I'm over here, Kurt! Right here. What are you doin'? Probably inside getting your little ankles taped up for your little match, huh? I thought we were gonna talk...where are ya? What? I'm right out here in the parking lot of the Joe Louis Arena. I wanna talk to ya face to face. Didn't you wanna talk about this, Kurt? What? I thought you wanted to talk about this. (holds up belt) Or did you wanna talk about these? (holds up medals) Huh? What? I'm in the parking lot, Kurt. Are you scared? What?" Austin climbs down. "You know what, Kurt? You know what I think? These gold medals sure would make a pretty hood ornament. Isn't that pretty? You like that? I'm out in the parking lot, let's have a little talk, Kurt. I'm starting to get a little bored with ya. ... What?"

UP NEXT: van Dam & Rhyno vs. Rock & Jericho!

When we come back, Angle has made it to the parking lot...but there's no Austin to be found. Amazingly, Angle fails to ask the cameraman where Austin is...or might have gone. Looks like the car Austin was on is gone, too. Another car pulls in - Angle grabs the driver (Tommy Dreamer) and beats HIM up, instead. Hey, thanks for showing up tonight, Tommy! Angle walks off...but here comes Austin's car - Angle gets out in time. "Ahahaha - hey Kurt! you recognise these? You wanna go for a little ride witcher gold medals, huh? Huh?" Then Austin drives off, through the fence gate.

RHYNO THE MAN BEAST (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box & Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and ROB VAN DAM (with SmackDown! LIVE from Toronto graphic) v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with SAP Transmitido En Espanol) and THE ROCK - While Rock is content to pose in the corner and attempt to bore a whole through Rhyno with a stare, van Dam actually goes for Jericho so they'll start - Jericho ducks, right, right, right, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes, reversed, shoulderblock by Jericho. Jericho off the ropes, van Dam does the splits for the easy leapfrog by Jericho, who turns around and dropkicks him in the back, showing how brilliant a move doing the splits can be. Jericho off the ropes with a shoulder. Right, elbow, into the ropes, reversed, Jericho slides under but van Dam lands a dropkick. Stomp, tag. Here's Rhyno - overhand right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, into the ropes, but Jericho hits a flying jalapeno. Knee, knee, tag to the Rock - right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, reversed back (!), belly-to-belly throw by Rock for 2. Rhyno with a knee, forearm in the back, another, tag, right, van Dam with a kick, kick, elbow, kick, kick, elbow, kick, Rock simply reverses positions - right, right, right, into the opposite corner, van Dam gets a boot up. van Dam vaults to the top, moonsaults finds nobody home - van Dam lands on his feet but runs into a clothesline. Tag to Jericho - kick, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed but Jericho catches the kick, ducks the enzuigiri, tries for the Walls but van Dam wriggles to the ropes - Rhyno with the apron run but Jericho ducks the clothesline - missile dropkick puts Rhyno on the floor! But Jericho turns back to take a heel kick. Rock wants to help but all he's doing is drawing the attention of referee "Blind" Nick Patrick and allowing a doubleteam behind his back. van Dam kick, kick, kick, foot on the throad. Clearasil Replay shows the heel kick again. Tag to Rhyno - right, right. Into the ropes, HUGE spinebuster by Rhyno - nice - 1, 2, nope. Rhyno with a kick in the gut...and tag. Forearm in the back by Rhyno, kick by van Dam, kick, right, into the ropes, head down, kick by Jericho...but runs into a superkick and can't follow up - van Dam with a superfluous cartwheel on the way to a backflip press - for 2. (Clearasil replay of the superkick) Stomp. Elbow, kick, kick, right, right, kick, into the opposite corner, forearm in the back, going for the German suplex but Jericho fights out of the waistlock with a back elbow, hitches the full nelson - and hits his new version of the Stroke! Both men are down...crowd chants "Rock E." Tag to Rhyno - hot tag to the Rock! "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock with the flying clothesline! van Dam in - but Rock's a house of fire - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" again, right, right, right, right, Rock points to himself before unleashing the deadly power of the spit punch - NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and van Dam dutifully sails over the top rope. Rhyno's clothesline is ducked, Rock with a gutshot and DDT...but only gets 2. Sharpshooter coming up...Rhyno won't tap - maybe 'cause he sees NAPPY T coming out - Rock throws HIM a right, and he falls from the apron to the floor. Patrick leaves the ring to check on Booker (hmm) - Rock with a spinebuster on Rhyno...it's coming up - but just before he can deliver the People's Elbow, SHANE O. MAC is in the ring with a barrelling clothesline (not quite the Super Spear) and giving him quite a pummellin'. Shane with repeated stomps, dancing around (oh no) - but Jericho is back in - there's a bulldog! And there's the Walls....Shane taps (as if it'll help) but it's up to van Dam to make the save with a top rope spinning back kick. Jericho falls out of the ring - van Dam points to himself...but doesn't see the Rock behind him - that's ROCK BOTTOM! Booker T back on the apron - Rock over, but T gets the drop on him with the hot shot - Rock turns back, staggered, and gets the GORE! GORE! GORE! Rhyno covers as Patrick "mysteriously" reappears - 1, 2, 3! (6:24) In case you can't believe the Rock just jobbed, watch this replay - then think to yourself that Rob van Dam *didn't* job, so it all falls into place...

You ARE watching UPN - goodbye

The WWF Slam of the Week is presented by Adidas - and Foot Locker! From RAW, Christian's interference causes Edge to suffer a DQ loss to Hugh Morrus.

Time for a look inside the Commissioner's office: "I mean, wot next? That bloody Booker T - I mean, just cost the Rock the match - I mean, Rhyno beating the Rock. What more can happen tonight?" Tajiri: "(something in Japanese)" then stops short, spying Torrie Wilson coming in. "Mr. Commissioner..." "Hullo..." She gets to shoulder rubbing. "I know you're a very busy man, but - you see, a woman like me has needs. You see, a woman like me needs to be motivated. I need to be stimulated, and I want to help you with your needs. I would like a job with your administration." "I'm sorry, my dear, but, I mean, you're a member of the Alliance and I couldn't *possibly* entertain having a member of the Alliance work in the WWF's Commissioner's office. It just wouldn't be right." "Well, are you SURE there's nothing I can do to change your mind? I mean....I want this job for more than just professional reasons - this is very personal." "Oh, please...do tell." "Well, I've been trying to keep this a secret for a long time, but there's just no turning back now. You see, a man with an accent just drive me INSANE! ... Tajiri, you're the man of my dreams!" Lance Storm barges in at this point. "What the bloody hell do YOU want?" "Answers. I want answers. Last week, I was humiliated by a midget. An athlete of my calibre deserves more respect than that. But what was done about it? Nothing - absolutely nothing. This administration's a joke - a really bad joke." "What do you mean, a bloody joke?" Tajiri: "If I could be serious for a moment!" "You see what I'm talking about? Even your ignorant houseboy doesn't have the proper respect for a former intercontinental champion." "Houseboy (something in Japanese)?" "You wanna tell jokes? Try telling jokes to me in the ring - tonight!" Torrie fawns and Tajiri chatters...

WCW U.S. TITLE: KING EDGE v. KANYON - before the match begins, CHRISTIAN comes out carrying the King of the Ring cup...and takes a seat at ringside near the timekeeper. Edge is so distracted by this Kanyon gets the quick schoolboy in ...for 2. Edge ducks the swing, right, right, into the ropes, flapjack. Off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker. Kick, kick, kick, kick. Edge climbs to the second rope and gets in Four on the ten punch count along until Kanyon manages to drop him facefirst on the turnbuckle. Kanyon with the right, right, arm wringer, back kick. Kanyon with a ... ummm, I don't WHAT the heck THAT was - standing over one shoulder, hooking the other shoulder with his arm, then turning his entire body up and over, into a pinning predicament...and gets 2. Commentators, of course, can only come up with "nice!" to describe it (not that I've done any better). Kanyon with a shot in the back - and HE hits a nice swinging neckbreaker for 2. Right hand, right - climbing the ropes to drop the knee. Going for it again - but Edge puts up a boot in the sensitive area. Both men are down and referee "Blind" Billy Silverman puts on the count - both men up before 4 - Edge with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," off the ropes with a back elbow, off the ropes with a clothesline, off the ropes with a Viscera...and gets 2. Edge stays on the attack - right, Kanyon gets up a knee - into the opposite corner is reversed - Kanyon tries to go up and over but nobody's home - Edge with the SPEAR! 1, 2, Kanyon's foot on the rope! Edge pulls him up and tries to cinch on the Buzzkiller - but Kanyon grabs the top rope and Edge goes down. Kanyon rolls out for a breather...sees Christian, and grabs his title. Christian goes after him like a good brother. Silverman tells Kanyon not to use that belt - Kanyon shoves him away. Christian, behind them on the apron, grabs the belt and gets it away, then takes a swing...and hitting his own brother when Kanyon ducks. Kanyon promptly hooks a leg, and Silverman is back over to count 1, 2, 3. Champ retains. (3:11 - hmmm) Christian is in to check on his brother...but Edge pulls away, unhappy. "I'm soorry! All right? I'm soorry...that was my fault. I know that, that was my fault, all right, I know you're mad, I'm soorry okay? Look...I'm gonna make it up to you though, I know you're mad, I'm gonna make it up to you. I got a perfect idea. Next Monday night on RAW, in my hometown of Toronto, Canada...(crowd BOOS?)...I'm gonna challenge the Rock. That's right, I'm gonna challenge the Rock and TOTALLY become the WCW Champion! Then E&C will be NBG - Nothin' But Gold!" Christian gives a high sign and walks off...leaving Edge to give us "confusion."

Earlier Tonight, LILIAN GARCIA was in the back to interview Hurricane Helms. It wasn't exactly heroic when Ivory used that crowbar to get him the European title. "Excuse me, Citizen Garcia, but there was nothing dubious in my victory. For when I defeated that meddlesome Matt Hardy and his sidekick the lowly Lita, I struck a courageous blow for truth, for justice, and for the European way." Garcia asks for comment about his match tonight, where he'll team with Ivory against Molly Holly and the "WWF's #1 underdog, Spike Dudley." "Underdog? Underdog, you say? I know Underdog, and Spike Dudley is no Underdog. I mean, the Underdog isn't even real? I mean, if the Green Lantern ever came up on the Underdog, he'd be like... 'lookit you - lookit your costume, lookit dem big ol' ears, you ain't even got no powers - whatsup wit dat?' But tonight...Ivory and I will defeat Spike Dudley and Molly Holly. We WILL be victorious - as we always will. So tune in! Same Hurri-time...same Hurri-station. First I must strategize...quick! To the Hurri-cave!"

SPIKE DAMN DUDLEY & MOLLY HOLLY (with SmackDown! LIVE graphic - and SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, Foot Locker, and Clearasil) v. IVORY (with Let Us Take You back to RAW) and HURACAN HELMS in zany, madcap intergender action - if you watch Hurricane's new entrance video, well, you WILL believe a boy can fly. Or maybe you won't. The lads start out - Hurricane offers the Hand of Friendship...and Dudley takes it without incident...barring Helms striking a pose immediately afterward. Lockup, Helms to the eyes - hey, THAT'S not too sporting! Into the ropes, hiptoss blocked, Helms with the knee, leg over the head, flippy flippy, pose...so Spike clotheslines him one. Dropkick in the back takes him outside - baseball slide dropkick to follow. Helms put back in, tag to Holly - whip into the corner, Holly with a tumbling run back elbow. Into the ropes is reversed, Ivory grabs the hair (Cole: "rake of the hair") to pull her to the mat. Helms tags out. Ivory runs into an armdrag, Holly with a dropkick, into the ropes, UGLY sidewalk slam - 1, 2, Helms in to break it up but Molly stands up to meet him...Helms drops his axehandle attempt and offers the handshake again. Holly chooses to slap him. Ivory takes advantage of the distraction - gutshot, Blowout. Ivory going up top...missile dropkick finds the mark! 1, 2, kickout! Stomp, stomp, Holly with an elbow to the mush. Into the ropes, double hairpull takedown and both women are down. Two crawls to the corners - two tags! Spike duks, right, right, into the ropes, hiptoss, off the ropes with a flying elbow, into the ropes is reversed, Helms wants a bodyslam, but Spike counters with a head scissors (Cole: "leg scissors") Dudley with a neckbreaker for 2 - Ivory breaks it up - this brings in MOLLY, who bowls over Ivory and now it's all broken down. Paired off in opposite corners, double whip, double reversal - Spike and Molly manage to avoid a collision, then duck their pursuers and Ivory and Helms DO collide in the centre. Back to the legal men - Spike with an elbow, right, noshin' on the noodle to boot - meanwhile, Holly is up for the Molly-go-round, but Ivory steps aside - Holly attempts to land on her feet but stumbles. Ivory with a forearm in the back. Helms with a super(hero)kick, which Spike ducks...but Molly takes full brunt. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton checks on her while Dudley goes for the 'dog on Helms...but Helms shrugs him off - then Ivory kicks him in the back of the leg. Helms lands the Nightmare - sorry, the "Eye of the Hurricane" - 1, 2, 3. (3:41)

Where's Austin at now? "Hey Kurt, what are you doin'? You gettin' ready for your little match? What? It's Stone Cold. I'm out here in the street, Kurt. I'm tryin' to talk with ya. You don't wanna talk to me. I've got my belt right here that you want so bad. I got your stupid little gold medals - what? I said I got your stupid little gold medals that you worked so hard for... You see, what we got here, Kurt, is a failure to communicate. And since you don't wanna talk to me, Kurt, I'm kinda feelin' down in the dumps. You know what we got here, Kurt? This is a sewer. You know, every time these people in Detroit flush their commodes? This is where it runs to, Kurt, right here in the sewer. What? Right here in this sewer. (inhales) Mmmmm, take a good smell. (inhales) Ohhhhh, that smells like what? If you don't wanna talk to me, Kurt, if you don't wanna talk to me, I can put your little gold medals right here - right here where they belong...in the sewer, 'cause they mean nothin' to me! ...no. Yes? No--what? What? What? I can't make up my mind, Kurt? What? Do I put 'em in the sewer? Huh? No no no." He puts them back around his neck. "No, Kurt. I got a better idea for your stupid little gold medals. What?"

Tazz keeps rerouting those trucks full of Stacker 2...

Excess ad - Tazz is the special guest on Saturday!

One more look at the Detroit skyline

Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, when Shane interfered in the Rock's match - and so did Booker T - and so did Rhyno get the gore...and the fall

Hey! The Rock is still in the building!

Back in the commissioner's office. Regal reacts to Torrie fondling Tajiri. "All right, all right, this is enough. Look dear, young Tajiri here's got a match coming up next with Lance Storm, he needs to prepare, so could you run along now?" "Oooooh, I can't keep my hands off him, he's so cute!" "Take control of yourself, wench, what's the matter with you? Go on, run along!" Torrie whispers something in Tajiri's ear - he seems to approve - and off she goes. At the same time, Perry Saturn makes an appearance. "Ahh, Mr. Saturn. Look, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this envelope arrived on my desk today, and it wasn't addressed to anybody, and I opened it and...it's for you and I think you should see this." He produces a Polaroid. "Moppy! Moppy! A picture - a picture of - Moppy's alive! It's a picture of Moppy!" "Yes...there was also...this..ransom note." "A hundred thousand? A hundred thousand dollars ransom for Moppy?! A HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS? Where am I gonna get a hundred thousand dollars? Moppy! Moppy!"

Elsewhere, Angle is stretching out. Mike Awesome asks for a moment of his time - saying that the Alliance just had a group meeting, and none of them feels good about Austin swiping his gold medals. After all, in the summer of '96, he was GLUED to his TV watching Angle win the gold. He says he has a small token of his support, and the support of most of the guys in the Alliance locker room - and hands over a kiddie WWF championship replica. "Oh yeah! It's yours, Kurt Angle, WWF gold! And it's the only WWF gold you DO deserve, because you see - LITTLE MAN - there's no way you're going to defeat Stone Cold Steve Austin for the WWF title, and there's no way you're EVER going to see your precious little medals AGAIN." Angle takes this poorly, putting Awesome down with a right and then tackling him to the floor - mount, punches in bunches, stomping a mudhole in him...and climaxing with the Anglelock. Awesome dutifully taps - and Angle snaps it.

TONIGHT: Booker T. vs. Kurt Angle!

TAJIRI v. LANCE STORM (with Heat hype - Tazz hosts THAT, too!) - Tajiri with a roll, just for fun. Lockup, waistlock by Storm, takedown, floats over, Tajiri counters with a headlock, Storm with an armbar to a hammerlock. Back to their feet...Storm breaks the hammerlock, fireman's carry takeover to an armbar - Tajiri kicks Storm in the head to break THAT up. Storm into the ropes, no, reversed, but Tajiri holds the ropes - Storm moves in and catches a kick, but Tajiri turns around and pulls Storm into the Tarantula! Hold broken before 5 - Tajiri with a head to the gut through the ropes - springboard splash...meets the knees. Storm up first - boot in the chest. Side headlock - pretty much a gourdbuster there - leg is hooked - Tajiri out at 2. Storm puts Tajiri into the roeps, tilt-a-whirl but Tajiri lands on his feet - Tajiri ducks a clothesline and here he goes... kick left right kick right left kick left right kick, into the ropes is reversed, but Tajiri drops down and lands the handspring elbow off the ropes - 1, 2, Storm kicks out. Tajiri off the ropes, but Storm powerbombs him. Storm going outside - springboard off the top rope into a dropkick that sends Tajiri outside! Here comes TORRIE SAMUDA...to check on Tajiri? She helps him up...and helps him back in the ring. Tajiri still taling to her - and walking headlong into the superkick. Storm gets an easy 1, 2, 3 (2:37) and Torrie is shocked. She heads into the ring and checks on him....and we cut to

UP NEXT: Booker T vs. Kurt Angle!

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NAPPY T (with Shane Can't Dance...and Clearasil presents Unforgiven!) v. KURT ANGLE - the big question is will this match be more like their awesome first match...or their less awesome second match? Well, here we go. Staredown. Lockup, waistlock by Angle, rides him down and holds the headlock...back to their feet - side headlock by Angle - T with an elbow to the ribs, elbow, powering out, shoulderblock by Angle, off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by T, kick by Angle, into the ropes, back elbow puts T down. In the corner, Angle with a right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but T gets the boot up. T runs into a clothesline, though, to turn the momentum back. Angle with a right hand. Into the ropes, reversal, Shane lowers the bridge and Angle tumbles to the outside. Shane lets loose with a barrage of right hands, knees in the abdomen, and elbows to the mush. Well, I guess this'll be more like that second match then. "Shane's a pussy" chant. T outside - Angle's head meets the commentary table - again - and one more time. T drops Angle on the barricade, then finds a chair. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson manages to take it away from him before he can use it, though, so T settles for putting Angle into the post. Angle rolled back in - T back through the ropes. Angle comes back with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, whip attempt is reversed, and T lands a Harlem side kick for 2. T mounts Angle - right, right, right, right, right. Robinson warns T, and he lets up - pulling Angle up - arm wringer - Angle reverses - T reverses back and adds a back heel kick - leg is hooked - 1, 2, nope. Angle in the corner - T winds up...and lets loose with the chop. Right hand. Another knife-edge chop. Right hand. T is feeling it - a THIRD big chop. Angle is angry - reversing positions - right, right, right, right, right! Into the ropes is reversed - Angle grabs the knee and rolls him up - 1, 2, NO! Angle with a belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Angle ducks a right, gutshot, DDT! Leg is hooked - ONLY 2 for Angle! Olympic Slam? No! T frees himself - gutshot, axe kick! T looks at his hand...drops to one knee....and breakdances back up! 1, 2, Angle kicks out!! T gives Robinson what for. Back to Angle - stomp, stomp, pulls Angle up by what's left of his hair - right hand. Crowd chants "Let's go Angle!" and Angle responds with a surprise OLYMPIC SLAM! Angle makes it back to his feet first - DOWN COME THE STRAPS!! But Shane is in - OHHHHH OLYMPIC SLAM BY McMAHON!! Robinson fails to call for the disqualification, but makes a big show out of getting McMahon out of the ring. But that isn't enough for some folks, I guess...as THE ROCK runs out, takes out Robinson with one right hand, then starts firing away on Shane...punches AND kicks...but T is up from behind on the Rock! Now ANGLE is up from behind on T - German suplex with a bridge! EARL HEBNER is out - 1, 2, 3!! (6:34) But Tony Chimel can't get two words out to announce the winner before Shane is over with a flying clothesline to Angle - Shane punching away - Angle blocks, right, right, right, into the ropes - belly-to-belly! Angle clotheslines Shane out. Now we look to Rock and T - right, right, right, right, right, right, looking at his hand, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Rock and Angle are left alone in the ring - Angle's music plays again and Chimel is able to announce Angle as the winner. Rock wants to leave the ring...but Angle won't let him? Angle calls for....some milk. Oh man. Rock regards his carton of milk...but opens it and toasts with Angle. If EITHER of those guys got ANY milk actually IN their mouths, I'd be surprsied. Angle gets two more cartons of milk...man maybe this is like the GAY version of the EXTREME CUMSHOT OF THE CENTURY - smells like ratings! And now, Austin appears on the screen one last time. "Kurt! Look up here, boy! Haha - I know you can see me, it's good old Stone Cold! Huh? What? Do you see me, can you see Stone Cold Steve Austin? I got something o' yours - something you said I'd never, never have! You said ol' Stone Cold Steve Austin never had some gold medals, I got two right around my neck right now, don't I. Don't I, Kurt? Are you proud of yourself? Just got yourself a big ol' win right there in the middle of my ring - are you proud? Does it make you proud that you got a three count? Huh? I'm sure you're proud of yourself your whole life, huh? You went through high school, you had a little amateur career. You did real good - what'd you do? What? You got yourself a college scholarship. Huh boy? Yeah, you did real good, and what'd you do after that? You went to the Olympics? What? You went to the Olympics - I guess you're proud of yourself, huh? Huh? You said I'd never have none of these - Stone Cold Steve Austin's got two of 'em - they belong to you. What? I said they belong to you, Kurt. You know that and I know that. So since yer so proud...I wonder how proud you are. What will you do, Kurt, to get these gold medals back? What will you do to get a shot at this, huh Kurt? You want your gold medals back? Hell I'll give 'em back to ya. It's easy! All you gotta do is ask for 'em, you're not too proud to ask for these damn gold medals, are ya? Huh? What? What? Go ahead, ask for 'em. I'm listening - ah no no no. That'd be too easy, wouldn't it. I don't want you to ask for 'em. You're so proud of yourself - are you too proud to beg for 'em, Kurt? What? That's right, you little (beep), I said are you too proud to beg for 'em? Get on your knees - get on your knees - what? - I said get on your knees and you beg for these gold medals. What? You're too proud to beg for 'em? Are you too proud to beg for these? I'm makin' it simple on ya, Kurt. You too proud to beg for this? Huh? What? I can't hear ya. Nah, you ain't gotta beg, forget about it. Why don'cha cry for me, Kurt. You're the biggest damn crybaby in the World Wrestling Federation. I ain't never seen nobody like it. Cry every time you do something good! Cry about this, cry about that. Get on your hands and knees and cry for me, Kurt. You want these back? Go ahead, cry. If you cry, right now for Stone Cold Steve Austin, I'll give these damn things back. You disappoint me. Lookatchya. Red, white and blue all over you - Captain America. Olympic champion. And you won't do the right thing for yourself...you won't do the right thing for your country. I guess that means you're real patriotic, don'tcha. You make me sick. What? If you don't wanna beg for these and you don't wanna cry for 'em, it proves to me that you don't want 'em - it proves to me that you don't want this. Stone Cold Steve Austin proved to the world that I would do anything - ANYTHING to get this belt - and you've proved to me NOTHIN'. You've proved to me you're a spineless little coward - you can't even beg for me, you can't even cry for me, so you know what? Ohhh....I'm gettin' that sinking feeling. See, Kurt, you don't wanna cry for me, you don't wanna beg for me...mmm...well, if that's the case, Kurt, you don't really want these medals...hell, if you don't want 'em I don't want 'em... (Austin ties the medals to a red, white and blue weight...he's standing on a bridge...ah) I got enough luggage in my bag, I'm carrying this belt around - this is what means everything to me, this means nothing to me - and if you won't beg for me, if you won't cry for me, it don't mean nothin' to YOU! You pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America? And that's the difference between you and me - I pledge allegiance to Stone Cold Steve Austin - I pledge allegiance to THIS - and since you make me sick, you leave me no choice, you little mealy-mouthed, Olympic punk." And he hurls it over the bridge into the drink. Austin puts the belt back over his shoulder...and sighs contentendly. Credits are up. "What?"

CRZ
[slash] wrestling