I know you're all expecting me to say something here.....but I'm afraid you'll have to wait until next week. Or you can go visit the ezboard; I hear there's a lot happening over there.

I GET LETTERS: Bill Quinn helps me out: Hey CRZ, I hope you noticed a classic line from Paul E last night...JR is saying that Trish stripping is "a great way to start off a live RAW." Paul E agrees, saying "Yes, this is a great way to start off a Live War! I mean RAW! RAW!! R---A---W!!" I love Paul E, even if it was a mistake, it had me laughing all night.

I didn't - but I'm glad YOU did!

UPN - Thursday!

One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

RAW highlights - the main event is covered in detail over on the RAW report if you missed it

Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

PYRO, EH? Coming to you on tape from the Centre Molson in Montreal, PQ (just like other centres - but with only half the flavour) 18.10.1 (taped 16.10) on UPN & the Score, THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN! SAP transmitido en espanol is the next thing you read as the countdown is continuing - three days tick tick tick until No Mercy and DIG IT:

TONIGHT: Rob van Dam takes on Kurt Angle!

TONIGHT: Test & Booker T collide with the Fun Brothers one more time!

But first.... CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO kicks it off with a few words. Later tonight, he'll be forced to team with his No Mercy opponent, the Rock - don't miss it! Big chant from the crowd, as you might expect. In fact, it's LINGERING. "You know, after the last couple weeks, I've been hearing a lot of unflattering things about myself - I've heard that Y2J is a choke artist - I've - I've heard that Y2J is not a big-time pressure player. And I've heard that Y2J cannot win the big one. That's all I've heard aboat is the big one, and to all those people who have been saying that, you know what? They were all absolutely right. Because I've been in the WWF for over two years now, and while I've done a lot of things, I've never officially been the WWF Champion. And I was in WCW for a lot longer than that, and I never even received a title shot, much less became the WCW Champion. But this Sunday, at No Mercy, I get a chance to tell all those people who said I couldn't do it, all those people who said that Chris Jericho would never become a true main event player, well I can tell them to kiss my (beep). Because ROCK--" The sweet sounds of "My Time" hit, which can only mean it's time to hear from STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT - who actually does a passable Jericho imitation, back to the crowd, then pumping the elbow. "Jericho, would you PLEASE - SHUT - THE HELL - UP!" "Slut!" "Wait wait wait, I've got another one, I've got another one, hang on - hang on - here we go, here we go - welcome to SMACKDOWN IS STEPHANIE! You know, Jericho, this whole interrupting thing, it's really kinda fun!" "Slut!" "See, these fans are interrupting me and they're having fun, and it must be why you like to interrupt me over and over and over again. But then again, Jericho, you are used to repetition - after all, you continually LOSE the big match. Now, it was a really hard decision on who to root for this Sunday in your match against the Rock, but quite frankly, I chose the lesser of two evils - and Jericho, I hope this Sunday at No Mercy - I hope the Rock cleans your clock. And you know, I know that even though Rocky and I haven't always gotten along, that if Rock were here right now, he would come out here and thank me publicly for my support!" While we look at Stephanie's outfit and imagine the obvious answer to that straight line, THE ROCK heads on out to play Domino's...and deliver. "Rock Eh!" "FINALLY the Rock HAS COME BACK to Montreal! Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie..." "Yes?" "The Rock must say you are looking quite...gigantic...and Stephanie, if you think for one single solitary second, that the Rock wants to hear you come out--" "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - Rocky - whoa. ...I can tell where this is headed. And you don't wanna take your frustration out on me. The person you should really be angry it is that man right there, Chris Jericho. After all, it was Chris Jericho who on Monday night sat there at the commentary position and did absolutely *nothing* while Rhyno and RVD gave you a vicious beating! But Rock, you know, that wasn't the first time that Jericho has been against you. I mean, think about it: ever since the day Jericho came into the World Wrestling Federation, he's been against you, Rock. Now, I prepared a little bit of footage to show the audience, but since you're out here, allow me to remind you of Chris Jericho's debut in the World Wrestling Federation." Let Us Take You Back Two Years to RAW - aww, Rock has sideburns. Oh man, they cut out the BITCHBITCHbitch part. Aww, Jericho has a shiny shirt and a bleached unicorn hairdo. Those were good times. "Chris Jericho has come to SAVE the WWF!" "See Rock? Chris Jericho has always been jealous of you. It's Chris Jericho's DREAM to be in the ring with you, Rock, in a match. But Rocky, you can't trust that man - Chris Jericho will SCREW you the first chance he gets!" "Stephanie, the Rock appreciates your concern. And the Rock also knows, if anybody knows anything about ssssssssssssssscrewing, it's you!" "Slut!" "And it actually kinda surprises me, Steph, that you wouldn't be cheering for me, because you can't even spell the word 'Jericho' without using the letters H-O." "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - whoa. Stephanie, don't listen to Chris Jericho, because the Rock - wants your support. The Rock - NEEDS your support. And if the Rock can get half as much support as that pushup bra gives those big phony funbags...then quite frankly, Stephanie, the Rock would be...unstoppable." "You know, and speaking--" "STOP IT! STOP IT right now I hate you both! I wish you both would lose I HATE--" Stephanie slams down her mic, turns six, and runs away. "Thanks for the mammaries, Steph!" Rock has a big smile...Jericho continues. "Now that we've gotten rid of that, Rock - you got something you wanna say to me?" "Like what?" "Well, I mean you DID give me the Rock Bottom last Monday night on RAW..." "Well the Rock gave you the Rock Bottom last Monday night on RAW because you didn't do what the Rock said, the Rock said stay out of his way, and just as always, you failed." "Oooh!" "I don't think you're quite getting it right, Rock. I wasn't getting in your way, I was helping you retain the WCW Championship. I got in your way so I could SAVE your title." "Well, that's just perfect, Chris Jericho - saving the Rock's title. Because if the Rock recalls, later on in the night, when you were getting beat down - SMACKED DOWN by the Alliance, it was the Rock who saved your (beep)." "I wouldn't worry aboat saving my (beep), Rock, 'cause on Sunday, I think you better worry aboat saving your own (beep)." "And why would you say that, Chris - why? Is the Rock in any danger whatsoever? Is the Rock in jeopardy? Is the Rock in any danger of losing the WCW title? You see, Chris Jericho, there is a reason - a big, big reason why people, they talk and they talk and they talk about why you can't win the big one - and of all the reasons, the Rock tells you the truth: the reason you can't win the big one, simply - you are not that good." "OOOOH!" "Not that good, huh. Well, I'll promise you this, ROCK - after Sunday, you will never--" "EVER see the WCW title agayne. Is that the sorry line you--" Jericho puts his hand abou half an inch in front of Rock's face. Crowd goes NUTS. Rock removes his glasses...and steps to the right of Jericho's hand. Jericho moves his hand back in front of the Rock's face - turns it round - and makes the international "Just Bring It" sign. Oooh! And just like that - ROCK BOTTOM! OHHHHHHHHHHHH play Rock's music and he leaves Jericho holding his head. And these guys are teaming up tonight?

In the Room of Fun, a buffet table has been set up, balloons are everywhere, and a party is on - "RVD" against the back wall. In come the Austins, to big cheers. RAVEN AND TOMMY DREAMER IN PARTY HATS OMG THIS RULES. Austin: "Don't drink all the champagne, don't pop all the balloons and drink all the beer; we gotta save some for when RVD gets here." Big cheers. Debra: "Hey! And guess what? I made the Debra cookies. They're good, aren't they?" Test is eating them....Booker has a longer memory. (Continuity!) "Cookies notwithstanding, we're here to celebrate RVD! As RVD proved without a shadow of a doubt, last Monday night, when he hit Kurt Angle with the Fivestar frog splash WHAM! It proved to Stone Cold Steve Austin, without a shadow of a doubt, he's on my side - he's on the side of the Alliance. I know some of you people doubted him, I know that, it's natural - big deal, it's okay. I never doubted him, and he proved himself. So when that man walks through that door, we're gonna celebrate that little (beep) right here tonight!" Tazz: "Steve, Steve - excuse me one minute - you know, it just dawned on me. You know, if, I mean, you talk about the impact of the Fivestar frog splash by Rob van Dam - if van Dam hits that Fivestar frog splash on Angle this Sunday at No Mercy, WHAM as you said it - if van Dam hits that, van Dam could be the new WWF Champion and he doesn't have to beat you to do it!" Everybody says "Awwwwww" and razzes Tazz. Austin: "What? Did you say something about van Dam hittin' the Fivestar frog splash on Angle, 1, 2, 3, I'm not gonna be the champ - hehehehehehe - hahahahah - leave." Everybody else echoes the sentiment. "You're a party pooper!" Ha ha - Hugh Morrus using his party hat as a megaphone. Everyone breaks out into an RVD chant after he leaves. And we're headed for our first break.

Hey, it's the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From RAW, Hurricane and Molly bust up the APA offices. And Faarooq says "damn."

A black limousine pulls up. The cameraman helpfully zooms in and out, but nothing happens.

THE HURACAN & MIGHTY MOLLY & LANCE STORM (with Ivory) v. HARDY BOYZ & LITA in six person - heh heh - action - commentators seem preoccupied with the limo. Jeff and Storm hook it up as Cole again breaks the bad news to DirecTV subscribers - no WWF PPV availability for them. Arm wringer by Storm, reversed by Jeff - Jeff put into the corner, but he hits a headscissors coming out - speaking in tongues double legdrop. Tag to Matt - into the corner - opposite corner - Poetry in Motion. Matt with four heads to the buckle - and a side Russian legsweep. Right hand, into the ropes, Storm slides under after a blind tag - fireman's carry by Storm as Hurricane comes in - hurridouble swinging neckbreaker! Hurricane poses. Pose and hurrivertical suplex. Off the ropes - but the hurrilegdrop misses! One too many poses - Matt comes back, right, right, hurriknee by Hurricane - into the ropes, Hardy tries the sunset flip....Hurricane keeps his balance, poses, and unleashes a textbook hurrikarate chop to the temple. Hurricane stands over Hardy, triumphant - whoops, took too long again, as Hardy hooks the arms and gets 2. Hurriclothesline - free hurrishot for Jeff, bringing him in and suddenly monopolising referee "Blind" Nick Patrick's attention - behind his back, Hurricane hurrisnapmares Matt...then Molly sneaks in a rolling neck snap. Hurricane hurricovers but Patrick is still busy - Matt kicks out at zero. Hurricane strikes an indignant pose. "We want Lita!" chant. Hurribackbreaker across the knee. Hurricane dares Lita to come in - sure enough, distracting Patrick - Hurricane hurriwhips Matt into Molly's double boot - big hurrirunning neckbreaker - Jeff breaks it up with a dropkick after 2. Storm delivers a top rope clothesline while Patrick attempts to put Jeff back in his corner... Jeff manages to shove him outside the ring and also hit a pescado. Back in the ring - Matt goes behind on the hurriscoop slam attempt and manages a slop drop. Both men down - BOTH MEN TAG! Lita hits a...well, what could loosely be described as a "spear" to take control on Molly. Right, right, right, right, right. Both ladies up - Lita clothesline, Lita dropkick, Molly into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl by Lita for 1 - Storm saves. Storm and Hurricane going for the double suplex - but the Hardyz are in and save her - instead, it's a TRIPLE SUPLEX! on Storm and Hurricane! Matt clotheslines Storm over the top and out, nearly breaking his own back in the process as HE tumbles to the floor. Lita tags Jeff, who scales the corner - Lita with a gutshot and before she can AHHHHH the Twist of Fate, Ivory comes in and bowls 'em over - Lita ends up crotching Jeff bouncing off the ropes - Jeff staggers into the Eye of the Hurricane - good night. 1, 2, 3. I must have missed the bit where Hurricane became the legal man...oh well. At least Cole called the finisher. (4:00)

We look backstage, where the APA have stumbled 'pon the Hurricycle. Bradshaw called Molly fat? Man, Bradshaw SUCKS. Bradshaw suggests, instead of flying to St. Louis, they ride the "hurrycycle." But before they leave town, there's a few beer joints and nekkid places he needs to stop first. "Nekkid? DAMN." Where's my "DAMN." T-shirt? Hurricane mugs for the camera as he stomps up the ramp - meanwhile, Faarooq fills the sidecar as Bradshaw takes the handlebars - and off they ride...

Back to the party. Test is clutching his stomach. "Hey, guys - hey - hey - while we're waiting on RVD, I wanna tell ya...hey - hey - SHUT UP! Dammit, when I say 'shut up,' shut up! Anyway, I wanted to tell y'all a coupla stories while we're waiting on RVD. And uh, one of these stories is, uh....about an Olympic gold medalist who came into the World Wrestling Federation and uh...he was on that highway to fame and fortune and world championships, and uh, when he hit mile marker number 316, he had a flat tire - that's when he met up with Stone Cold Steve Austin. I got that sum(beep) at SummerSlam, and I whipped his (beep). And last month I got him into Fully Loaded [he meant to say "Unforgiven" probably - Cole tries to scream over Austin so we don't notice the faux pas], and what happened? I whipped his (beep). One night on a Monday Night RAW, the winds were blowin' outside, and ol' Stone Cold Steve Austin was whoopin' Kurt Angle's (beep) again in the middle of my ring, and I got the WWF title back! What I'm sayin' is, I got Kurt Angle's number any day of the week. And this Sunday, in a Triple Threat match, with RVD behind my back, I'm gonna whip his (beep) again! Just like this - me 'n' RVD--" Stephanie enters the ring and interrupts at this point, but at least apologises for it. She's with Commissioner Regal, who has a special announcement to make. Regal is with Christian. "I have it on good authority that RVD will be here momentarily, but...ladies and gentlemen of the Alliance, I would like to introduce to you the newest member of the Alliance...the reigning intercontinental champion, Christian." Applause all around. "All I wanna say is that it's finally nice to be in a place where champions...are treated with the respect that they deserve." Christian and Austin shake on it. "Welcome aboard, kid. You know what? If you stick with Stone Cold Steve Austin, you stick with these guys and girls in this room - one of these days, when you reach for that star up there, ol' Stone Cold Steve Austin will be havin' you a party just like this, all you gotta do is stick with us." "I can't wait" "Welcome him aboard!" More applause.

The door of the limo is OPENING! Oh, wait, it closed again. Oh well.

No Mercy "baseball" promo

Commentators shill "Enterprise" - how embarrassing for them

Look! The limo! IS STILL THERE!

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with Let Us Take You Back One Week) v. MAVEN (with Nidia) - no kidding, they've had this match THREE straight weeks in a row? Nidia sure looks WEIRD, huh? Tazz doesn't wait for Maven to make it through the ropes - forearm across the back, forearm, forearm, right to the back of the head, right, into the ropes, BIG back body drop, stomp, stomp. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Tazz picks him up - open-handed slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. Shoved to the mat facefirst. Into the corner - boot up by Maven...but he runs into a Tazz clothesline. Tazz stands over the back - four forearms across the face. Rolled over, cover, 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP OHHHHHHHHH. Right, right, right, right, right. Tazz shoots Nidia a look. "Let's go Maven" chant ain't helping the lad none. T-bone Tazzplex. Head and arm Tazzplex. Tazz pulls him up - ANOTHER T-bone Tazzplex. 1, 2, Nidia grabs Tazz' ankle. Referee "Blind" Chad Patton fails to disqualify anybody. Tazz glares at Nidia until she backs up to the ramp - oh *I* get it, her pants don't fit! Anyway, Tazz returns to Maven...who surprises Tazz with the small package for the fall. What? (2:20) Nidia pulls Maven out and they hightail it up the ramp. Cole calls it a "schoolboy." Well, hell, what do I know?

Here's a Special Video Look at Kurt Angle on his book tour - I guess they figured nobody watched it on Excess, so they'd better replay it here.

Finally, movement at the limo! It's Rob van Dam!! There's a handshake...but we don't see who's on the other end. "Thank you. Yeah, great honour - great honour. I enjoyed meeting with you, dude. I felt...it was surprisingly well. Hey, you're all right." And now, away from the limousine, he's WALKING!

Tazz holds up a Stacker 2 truck - but I'll bet that guy runs out and STILL has to go to the store with Trish Stratus later

The Attitude - the excitement! Nothing beats the experience of the WWF Live! Catch it Saturday in Columbia, No Mercy Sunday in St. Louis, RAW is Monday from Kansas City, and Tuesday in Omaha is SOLD OUT!

Check out le exterior of the Habs logo!

LAST MONDAY: Here's a Special Video Look at the escalating war of words between Jericho and Rock...and the actions that took place during each man's match

Foley talks to his stuffed dog...until LILIAN GARCIA interrupts. Why did he have Jericho and Rock team up tonight? "Why? It's simple psychology - of course, you know I hold a masters degree IN psychology." "You do?" "Well, no, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!" He pounds the table laughing. "Ummm, did I mention that that Holiday Inn Express was...right here in Montreal, Quebec, Canada? Anyway, it is human nature, and I do mean nature. Imagine if you will my finger is a flower - the hatred that the Rock and Jericho are feeling, just starting to bloom - it's my job as commissioner to come along and kinda...nip it at the bud." "Well, do you think that's a good idea?" "It's a GREAT idea! Remember when me and the Rock were battling it out for the WWF Championship (which I beat him for twice) but remember he hit me in the head eleven times? Did you ever think that we would team up and become the single most entertaining tag team in WWF history? I want the same thing to happen with Jericho and the Rock, I want them to...respect each other...before they tear each other apart. Do you know what I mean? It's the right thing to do, and speaking of right things, I intend to make the Dudleyz put their WWF tag team championship on the line at No Mercy, and seeing how little Spike's out of the picture, I got a substitute, so what it's gonna be is the Dudleyz...taking on the Big Show and Tajiri, and that, Lilian, is... (pounds with fist) FINAL! (I really need to get my gavel back.)"

At the party, Test and Booker T excuse themselves - their match is coming up. Austni wonders where RVD is at - but soon, he enters. "What is all this? What's goin' on?" "We're trying to throw a party for ya, man." "For me?" "God, dang, it's good to see ya! How's it goin'? Come on, hug me back! Heh heh - feels good, don't it? Chicken soup for the soul. (HAHAHAHAH Oh God Austin rules) What's goin' on, man?" "Nothin'." "We're having a party for ya, you know? 'cause you did the right thing. You did - hey - you did the right thing last Monday when you hit Kurt with the Fivestar, right?" "Yeah." "You're gonna do the right thing this Sunday. Backin' me - Kurt Angle, triple threat, you and me. WHAM! WWF title stays right with us. Man I'm so prouda you.....you look good! You been in the gym?" "Yeah, actually." "Yeah, you look real good. I'm lookin' forward to Sunday." "Wow - all right, me too (beep) (beep)." "You look good, kid...you know what you're doin'? You're reachin' for that star, ain'cha." "Yeah, just like you said." "You're gonna be a big star. I can't wait. You know what? You gotta big match tonight. You gotta big match. You against Kurt Angle. Don't shrug your shoulders...I know you're confident, but (beeeeep)...I want you to take him out. I'm gonna be watchin' you - and I'm gonna be urgin' you on - I'm gonna be pushing for ya, I'm gonna be lookin' at that monitor - GO RVD! GO RVD! GO RVD! I'm gonna be your biggest supporter." "All right!" "I like you. I like what you do. You mean the world to me. Really." "Okay." "And uh...well..." Austin removes his watch. Everybody else. "Oooh!" "Hey - if I start cryin'..... shhhhh." Somebody: "You gonna give him the watch?" "Yes, if you'll let me. I don't give a lotta presents away...but what I'm gonna do is I'm I've taken my watch off my arm, and I'm gonna give it to you. You know what this watch is sayin'? I hold it up to my ear - this watch is sayin' 'it's time for RVD to be a big famous star.' It's yours. I WANT YOU TO WHIP HIS (BEEP) TONIGHT!" Austin leads an "RVD" chant as van Dam puts the watch on...

UP NEXT: T'n'T vs. the Fun Brothers!

WWF Magazine ad

I'm watching UPN!

It's another look at the limo - WOW! It's....STILL a limo!

TAKER & KANE (with TV-PG-DLV & SAP: transmitido en espanol - and SmackDown! is brought to you by Stacker 2, Whacko Tobacco, and Clearasil!) v. TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST and NAPPY T - the Brothers de Destruction decide to do a synchronised swimming routine over the top rope and meet them on the outside and let the slugfest begin! Taker & Kane firmly in control, using both rights AND soupbones. Kane rolls T in so the bell will ring. T manages repeated axehandle blows before Kane can get in to turn it around. T tries to go to the wrong corner to tag, sees Taker, says "oops" and gives Kane another shot and hopes nobody notices but me before making the correct corner tag. Into the ropes - Kane with a double clothesline. Clothesline for Test. Right, right, right, right, right, right, uppercut. Cole breaks the bad news about DirecTV again. Kane with a hiptoss. Clothesline in the corner. Gutshot - neckbreaker. 1, 2, Test kicks out. Right hand. Head to the buckle - tag to Taker - open soupbone. Soupbone. Back elbow. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long tries to get the action out of the corner - Taker shoots him a look and scares him all the way back - Long meekly tries to offer up his WWF patch as a defense. Test in the adjacent corner- back elbow. Taker gives Long ANOTHER look - whip into the opposite corner, but Test gets HIS elbow up. Test with a running clothesline...and a tag. Into the ropes, double clothesline for T&T. T stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Kick, right, right, right, right, right, right. Taker trying to cover up. Right by T - right. Right is blocked - Taker soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - into the ropes, reversed, Taker ducks the clothelsine and hits a flying clothesline of his own. Arm wringer...crowd senses Old School but Taker has a different idea - relacing the knuckles - SINGLE ARM PRESS - another yank on the arm and T flips over. Taker wrings the arm one more time - NOW it's time for Old School. The top rope clothesline lands in the back - 1, 2, Test has to break it up. Tag to Kane - held open for a kick. Right. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner - put up on the shoulder...and a HUGE powerslam by Kane. Test gets a free uppercut. Kane off the ropes - elbowdrop *misses* and T quickly follows up with a big heel kick. Tag to Test. This isn't the time to talk strategery, Test - Kane has just done that zombie situp behind ye. Kane with a big boot! Test whipped into the opposite corner, reversal...but Test runs into a powerslam - and Kane gets 2. Right by Kane, into the ropes is reversed, T puts a knee in the back - Kane turns round and pops him one, putting him on the floor. Right for Test, right, into the ropes, sidewalk slam. Kane's going up in the unfriendly corner - T tries to stop him but Kane shoves him AGAIN to the floor. Test is doing the spaghetti legs as Kane flies - but was he faking it? Test CLOCKS Kane with a mid-air clothesline before he can connect with his own. Test in the mount - eight quick rights. Tag to Booker. "Hold him up!" Replay of Test's clothesline as....nothing happens in the live shot. T brings Kane up - back heel kick finds the mark - 1, 2, Taker breaks it up. Long turns around too early, and sees Test do the "clap in the air" - but doesn't put him back in his corner. Slop-PEE. Test with a right. Head to the buckle. Right, back elbow, right, back elbow, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Crowd is chanting...something in French? I dunno. I wonder if they remember Test is Canadian. Kane pops up - right. Right. Right, right, into the corner, but Test gets a back elbow up. Test off the ropes, Test ducks a clothesline, Test hits the swinging neckbreaker. He wants to finish it - going up top - but before he can fly, Taker runs the apron and crotches him! Kane back to his feet - HE is climbing the corner - OHHHHH SUPERPLEX and Test completely failed to plant his foot before taking off - that was all Kane there. Both men are down and Long starts the ten count - tag to T - HOT TAG TO TAKER! Soupbone! Soupbone! Soupbone for Test! Soupbone! Crossing the ring to clothesline T in one corner - then back to the opposite corner to clothesline Test! Sidewalk slam for T - clothesline for Test! DDTT! International sign of the chokeslam...but Test clotheslines him down - Kane clotheslines Test - *T* clothesline KANE - man, I'm gettin' all CONFOOZLED here - Kane grabs Test on the outside - but Test reverses the slam attempt and posts him - uppernut - hard into the STEEL steps. Back in the ring - HARLEM SIDEKICK - 1, 2, NO!! T can't believe it. Right hand - intot he ropes, Taker ducks, choke - CHOKESLAM!!! 1, 2, TEST BREAKS IT UP! Right hand by Test to Taker - into the ropes, Taker ducks the Boot - and TEST gets the chokeslam! T has a chair....but Taker gives HIM the big boot! It could be time for Booker T to take his Last Ride....BUT as Taker lifts him up in the wedgiebomb, Test sails in and delivers Wotsitolla Boot RIGHT to the face! T hooks Taker's leg - 1, 2, 3!! (9:08) Psst....this was a pretty good match - mostly 'cause Taker rules.

Back to the limo - the chauffer exits and lets out......Vince McMahon. Heyman says "oh my God" and "oh no" over and over. And now - Vince - IS - WALKING!

No Mercy Click Click Boom Rock Jericho promo

Moments Ago, two paragraphs ago - Vince's exit was so great we had to see it twice!

Austin stares down van Dam - we look behind Austin to see that EVERYBODY is staring down van Dam. "What? That's what you got to say to me? Look at me! Did you just get out of a car with Vince McMahon? Why? What in the hell were you doin' in a car with Vince McMahon?" "Steve, we were talking. Just talking." "Just talking? What were you talking about?" (The sound is dropping out here - that's annoying) "Well, actually, he was just tellin' me like the same stuff you're always tellin' me. Says I'm a great athlete - I should reach for the stars." "Oh he told you to reach for the stars, huh? Well when you're with Vince McMahon and you're standing in hell, how you gonna reach for the star? You - nonononono - no. I bet he also told you this: you deserve to be a champion - did he tell you that?" "He did say that!" "Oh really, I wonder how he knew that. Do you not understand what Vince McMahon is? He's the devil, RVD - nobody knows that more than me." "I've always heard that all along, but I didn't think he was that bad of a guy." "Well, what else did he say?" "He told me, ah, he'd see me this Sunday at No Mercy--" "WHAT?! He did what?" "He'd see me this Sunday at No Mercy. I don't see what the big deal is." "It's-- ....give me my watch. I said, give me my watch." And Austin takes it off van Dam's wrist. "Do you know what - look at me. Do you know what this watch is saying now?" He holds it up to his ear. "It says 'it's time for RVD to make a decision. RVD, this Sunday you are either WITH me.......or you are against me. Is everything cool?" "Yeah, Steve...cool. I mean, you know, it's pretty much a given...when you're RVD, it's always cool." "...I think you should leave." "Okay." "Thank you." "Thank YOU."

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Subway! From RAW, Tajiri and Show combine their efforts to put Bubba Ray Dudley through a table

D-VON DUDLEY (with Bubba Ray & Stacy Dudley) v. TAJIRI (with Well It's the Big Show) - D-Von takes the early advantage with punches in bunches - right, open-handed slap, chop, right, right, knee, right. Into the opposite corner - Tajiri stops short of hitting the buckle and vaults over the top rope to the apron. D-Von runs in - Tajiri blocks a punch and hits an overhead kick - to the top rope - missile dropkick gets Tajiri 2! Into the ropes is reversed, Tajiri ducks, Tajiri with a Frankensteiner, and a Viscera kick. We take a replay of the missile dropkick. Dudley upends Tajiri on the charge - but he lands on the apron - Tajiri ducks a clothesline...but Bubba Ray grabs him and tosses him off the apron into the barricade. Show gives chase - Bubba Ray decides to use Stacy as a shield. This works. Referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas prevents a confrontation. D-Von gets a lot of time to choke Tajiri while all this goes on. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with a legdrop - D-Von gets 2. Stacy does Stern tomorrow - feel it! Tajiri tossed through the ropes - Bubba Ray gets another open-handed slap in while D-Von occupies Korderas' attention. Tajiri thrown back in - scoop...and a slam. D-Von going to the second rope - DON'T DO IT IT NEVER WORKS - sigh the headbutt misses. Tajiri blocks the punch and slaps, again - ducks - superkick. Into the ropes is reversed, Tajiri ducks the punch, handspring elbow hits. Double kick gets Tajiri 2. Kick in the corner, whip into the opposite corner, reversed, Tajiri up and over as Dudley charges in - Tarantula! Tajiri winds up - Dudley ducks the KICK, then shoves Tajiri into the ropes - Stacy up on the apron, making sure Korderas misses the 3D (Dudley Death Drop) behind his back (he also misses the crowd chanting "3D," too, I guess) - but before D-Von can cover, Show is up on the apron - D-Von tries a punch - Show blocks it - ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. Both men are down - Tajiri crawling - drapes an arm - D-Von ain't movin' - 1, 2, 3. (3:39) Remember, all four of these guys fight for the straps on Sunday. Show drags Tajiri off, giving him platitudes all the way. Bubba Ray from behind to Show - Show turns around and mauls him down. Meanwhile, TORRIE SAMUDA hits the ring and finds Stacy unoccupied - SLAP - and pants her - well, skirts her - or something. Play her music! Lingerie match is also SUNDAY! Torrie checks on Tajiri - then all three walk off...

Look! It's WWF New York! You know No Mercy will be HERE!

Earlier this week, Linda McMahon announced that WWFE would be donating a million bucks to Mayor Giuliani. Here's a Special Video Look at that big photo op - wow, Linda is ALMOST as tall as Rudy! I think they shake hands like four times in thirty seconds.

Chris Jericho is WALKING!

The Rock is WALKING!

Who the HELL are their opponents, anyway? Are there any tag teams LEFT to book tonight?

No Mercy Triple Threat Match promo

Jakks Pacific RealSounds Arena ad

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - oh man I HATE being right sometimes

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

Shane and Regal waste a little time talkin' 'bout Vince. The word "vexed" is said a lot. Shane says he's taken Vince out before - and he'll do it again if he has to. Regal says "bloody well right."

CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO (with Earlier Tonight!) and THE ROCK v. RAVEN & JUSTIN CREDIBLE (with Nipples) - Poor Jericho, his head STILL hurts from taking Rock Bottom to start the show. Mike Chioda is having a lot of trouble keeping these two from going at it right now. Holy cats, Justin Credible is still employed? Jericho and Rock look to be having a difference of opinion about who's goin to start this match. Rock puts a finger in Jericho's chest, telling him to take a hike - Jericho PASTES him with a right and it's on. Jericho mounts and punches - Rock rolls it over - Jericho rolls it back - Raven and Credible decide to surprise while they can - Jericho tossed outside - doubleteam stomping on Rock. Jericho back in with a chair - WHACK Raven! WHACK Credible! **WHACK ROCK!** Rock is out COLD - Jericho stands over him and glares. Jericho goes to leave...but looks back. He kicks an arm to one side - no - NO - removes his elbowpad - OH MY GOD - JERICHO WITH THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!!!!!! Play his music! (No contest? Under 2:00?)

"Kurt Angle It's True! It's True!" spot

Moments Ago! I wonder if Foley still thinks it was a good idea to team these guys up

No Mercy is LIVE! This Sunday!

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & PAUL E. HEYMAN

Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where Christian snookered Edge good - oh, and he joined the Alliance, too

JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up to Edge. How's he feel? "How do you *think* I'm feelin'? You know, I've been sitting here all day and I've been thinking, I've been thinking a lot. And the only good thing to come out of Monday night is that I no longer have to feel guilty when I beat the hell out of my brother in the ladder match, because as of Monday night, I no longer have a brother. And when Christian used my mother...saying she was in an accident as an excuse so that him and his little goons could jump me - well, tonight...(folds up chair)...Christian is going to hav ea little accident of his own."

The graphics don't lie! No Mercy is Sunday and here's the Saliva CD cover - Click Click Boom and they play this song Every Six Seconds! It's a Triple Threat Match for the WWF Championship - Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle vs. Rob van Dam! For the WCW Championship - The Rock vs. Chris Jericho! The 1st Ever Lingerie Match pits Stacy Keibler against Torrie Wilson! Booker T takes on Undertaker! It's a ladder match for the IC strap - Christian against Edge! The WWF tag team titles are on the line when the Dudley Boyz defend against the Big Show & Tajiri! Test challenges Kane! And the WCW tag team titles are up when the Hardy Boyz take on the Hurricane & Lance Storm!

Edge barges in on....Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley? She screams a bit until Kanyon, Chuck Palumbo, Hugh Morrus....and Christian arrive. "You looking for me?" Stephanie takes off. "You guys can take it from here." "Wrong place wrong time, huh? Seems you're a little....accident prone. Guess maybe you should get acquainted with my NEW family." Edge valiantly tries - back elbow for Morrus, chair tossed at Palumbo, Kanyon gets a right hand KO, takedown on Christian and punching away....but the numbers take over - all three hold him down as Christian takes off his jacket. "You're pathetic, you know that?" No, what's pathetic are those punches, Christian! (Meow!) He adds a chair in the gut, and a chair to the back. "You think THAT hurt, huh? Wait 'til you feel those ladders this Sunday! And tell Mom I said 'hi!'" One more stomp...and they leave him laying.

Commentators react

NEXT: Rob van Dam vs. Kurt Angle! Will Vince McMahon play a factor in this match? Will Stone Cold Steve Austin? One ad break later, we'll find out together!

RealSounds Arena ad #2

Get this, the Stacker 2 Burn of the Week is brought to you by...Stacker 2! From RAW, Rob van Dam makes his choice...and lands his Fivestar on Kurt Angle

POINTS TO SELF (with Subway presents No Mercy - in three days! Eat Jared!) v. KURT ANGLE - Funny....I don't actually remember hearing from Angle tonight. How did he become an afterthought again? Angle with a spear and we're on - got the waistlock - riding him around - van Dam can't escape - but does manage to roll out - Angle stays on him on the floor - right, right, right, right, head to the commentary table, again, and one more time off the table. Referee "Of Course Earl Hebner Couldn't Make It" Tim White finally manages to interject himself - and van Dam rolls back in. Angle after him - van Dam out again - but ready for Angle to follow. Kick, elbow, elbow, hard into the STEEL steps, stomp. Elbow, elbow, draped over the barricade (taking out a security dude in the process) - uppercut, kick - van Dam going to the apron...but Angle is RIGHT after him, grabbing him and throwing him off onto the barricade. OH NO ROB PISSED HIS PANTS! (Maybe not.) Angle rolls van Dam back in...and follows. "Let's go Angle!" Angle right, right, chop, chop, replay of the barricade toss, into the opposite corner but as Angle barrels down with a shoulderblock, van Dam does a front flip OVER Angle's back, superflous forward roll to the corner, springboard plancha - 1, Angle kicks out. Angle RIGHT back on him with a German suplex. Olympic Slam NO - van Dam lands on his feet - van Dam wants a heel kick but Angle catches it - single leg trip - going for the Anglelock (!) but van Dam kicks him in the face with his free leg, shaking him off. Speaking of which, I think van Dam forgot to shake it off when he left the bathroom (okay, two pee jokes is enough, I think) but MAN it's so OBVIOUS looking! Angle back on him - right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, BIG heel kick by van Dam. DirecTV announcement, one last time. van Dam stomps, palm thrust - or is that a punch - right, right, right, right, left, right left, right, left, left, boot. Stomp. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed - but van Dam gets the elbow up. Springboard kick. Off the ropes - rolling thunder senton - 1, 2, Angle reverses, 1, 2, kickout. van Dam back to the attack - stomp, stomp, right, stomp, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, knee on the throat. Is Angle bleeding AGAIN? "RVD" chant. Angle up - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, shoulder by van Dam, shoulder, superfluous backflip...and Angle tags him with a kick to the face...but then Angle runs into a superkick. van Dam covers - 2. van Dam cradles Angle's head with his left hand and bludgeons him with his right - seven punches. van Dam piggybacks himself on Angle - now moving to a sleeper with a body scissors. Angle breaks up the body scissors but van Dam keeps his arms locked in. Angle back to his feet - elbow, elbow, elbow, breaks it up - off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, ducks a spin kick, crossbody by Angle hits, 1, 2, kickout! Block, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, gee Angle seems pissed. Into the ropes - caught - belly-to-belly overhead suplex! There's another suplex! OLYMPIC SLAM!! Down come the straps! Angle grabs an ankle - GOT IT! Sure enough, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out to break it up with a big swing - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, drops down for eleven quick punches - picks him up - KICK WHAM STUNNER - six more quick rights - now tossing out van Dam through the ropes as well! Austin is making a lotta noise jawjacking to van Dam. Back to Angle - KICK - is CAUGHT - OLYMPIC SLAM ON AUSTIN!! van Dam quickly climbs to the top - who will he choose? Crowd is loud - Fivestar frog splash - on - AUSTIN! Cole: "Oh my God!" van Dam points to himself! Crowd chants "RVD." Play his music! (No contest? Boeing 7:37?) And now BILLIONAIRE VINCE walks out...and puts his hands on his hips, assuming the Brawny pose. Reactions from Austin - Angle - van Dam - Vince POINTS TO HIMSELF! I think Austin is crying. How will it turn out?

We'll all have to find out together on Sunday at No Mercy!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling