This one goes out to Mancini!

WWOR - Thursday!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: I know, I don't believe it either - it seems so long ago, and on a different coast. The one thing I want you to notice from this set of clips is that while Shane is lying down on the mat, *he makes sure to adjust his jersey* lest somebody tries checking out his....let's say "abs" but YOU know what I mean.

Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

PYRO AWAY - from the Firstar Center in Cincinnati, OH and SAP transmitido en espanol - the first words out of Cole's mouth is that Angle owes us an explanation and we'll get it tonight! It's 1.11.1 (taped 20.10), it's UPN, it's the WWF, and it's SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: The US title is on the line as Kurt Angle faces Kane!

TONIGHT: Stone Cold Steve Austin takes on the Undertaker - and the WWF Championship is on the line!

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: THE ROCK (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. T T THIS IS A T and T - Big "Rock E" chant but it looks like Jericho will start with Test. Here we go: Test with a knee, right hand, right, right. Right, right, Test isn't letting him get up here. Jericho into the ropes - ducks the swing and hits a Viscera off the ropes! Jericho right, right, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, forearm, elbow, elbow, back elbow, into the opposite corner is reversed, Jericho up and over...but landing on the shoulders - but manages to break free and shove Test into the post again - forearm in the back as Test backs out, forearm, forearm, death suplex! 1,2, no. Forearm in the face, chop, whip out is reversed and Test hits a short clotehsline. Tag to T - open kick. Right hand by T, right, right, right, right, right - referee "Blind" Tim White finally exerts control. Whip is reversed - Jericho with a hiptoss. Jericho with a Frankensteiner (!) - taking him to his corner - head to the buckle - and yes, a tag! Held open for the right hand - Rock right, right, right, whip - no T reverses and pulls him into the heel kick. Into the ropes, Rock ducks the clothesline and hits his own flying clothesline off the ropes! Vertical suplex gets the Rock 2. Head to the buckle - but T puts a thumb in the eyes. Tag to Test - T holds him for the right hand - right, in the corner, right, back elbow, right, back elbow, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, standing on the neck - and turning back to argue with White...took too long, Rock is popping out with a clothesline - right, into the ropes, reversed, T with an elbow in the back...Rock STILL manages to clothesline Rock, then turn back and pop T one. Back to Test - right, right, whip is reversed and T lowers the bridge - THIS time, Rock is hurt a little longer - doubleteam stomping on the outside and unfortunately White is busy keeping Jericho from helping. Rock put into the announce table. Test still on him with rights - Rock rolls over and into Cole's lap. Rock rolled back in - T has him in the ring - right hand. Rock pops up just fine - right, right, right, off the ropes and T hits a Harlem sidekick! 1, 2, NO! Test tagged in - I expect Rock to just pop up like nothing's wrong any minute now - head to the buckle, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, blatant chokery and White breaks it at 4. Into the ropes, clothesline ... is blocked, right by Rock, right, right, right...Test reverses (for what good it'll do him) a whip into a spinning sidewalk slam - 1, 2, Jericho manages to break it up. Test pulls Rock up - head to the buckle - tag to T. T kicks - head to the buckle - blatant choke - blatant foot on the throat - blatant ignoring of White. T winds up - looks at his hand - and chops. ANOTHER big chop from T. Winding up for a thir - woooo - he's feeling it - no, Rock ducks the fourth chop and switches positions in the corner - Rock chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, whip out - T tries a reversal, but Rock ducks the heel kick - clothesline! Free shot for Test takes him off the apron - Sharpshooter on T! Test is back in, though, and plugs Rock with a clothesline. Both men are down - Jericho is stomping at the big for a tag...and Rock is crawling his way. Rock falls backwards - White's count is up to six...at nine, Test gets a tag - and so does Jericho! jericho ducks the clothesline, right, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, flying jalapeno! T in - Jericho ducks - flapjack for him! Test gets a swinging neckbreaker - springboard dropkick takes T off the apron - bulldog for Test - Lionsault misses but he lands on his feet - Wotsitolla ducked, double leg takedown on Test into the WALLS OF JERICHO!! But T is in with a forearm to the back of the head - and some unkind words for the man on the apron. Rock takes umbrage - and tags himself in - right for T, right, right, into the ropes, belly-to-belly throw (YIKES) - gutshot for Test, DDT. Block, right, right, right, talks to his hand before KISSING THAT RIGHT and putting T on the apron...meanwhile, Jericho has been climbing to the top - missile dropkick for Test MISSES - and HITS THE ROCK! Test quickly hits his Wotsitolla Boot on Rock and makes a cover as T pulls Jericho out of the ring and onto the commentary table...oh...oh no. 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (9:08) I guess we can only ask ourselves why Vince would have allowed these Alliance guys to get a shot at a WWF title. Let's see if there's any post-match festivities....Rock still in the ring, Jericho coming to on the outside...and now their eyes meet. Crowd chants "Rock E." I can't make out what Rock said, but I'm pretty sure Jericho's lips read as "screw you, you son of a bitch, screw you." Rock goes to leave the ring - as Jericho comes in - now Jericho pulls him back in...Rock pulls his arm away - RIGHT HAND - Jericho right, Rock, Jericho, Jericho, Jericho, Jericho - ROCK BOTTOM!! Rock's music plays as he leaves him laying. Halfway up the ramp...Rock stops. He looks back at Jericho...ponders...and walks back to the ring. Will he offer his hand? NO - SECOND ROCK BOTTOM! Play his music AGAIN! Rock stands over Jericho...and we take our first ad break.

I am SHOCKED and OFFENDED this first twenty minutes wasn't devoted to PROMOS and INTERVIEWS

Hey! Take a look at WWF New York! It's the only place in the United States to see REBELLION on Saturday! (I'm taking a pass - sorry)

MOMENTS AGO! Three paragraphs ago - notice that ROCK started the fisticuffs here - ROCK delivered the second Rock Bottom - ROCK is the whiny whiner who whines

Backstage, Rock paces as Vince gesticulates. "Calm down! Dammit, calm down. I'm askin' ya - I'm BEGGIN' ya to calm down! Last Monday - last Monday we lose Kurt Angle. TONIGHT - you and Jericho lose the WWF tag team titles! DAMMIT, Rock! Survivor Series is right around the corner! You and Jericho gotta get along! Shane McMahon has named his team now - Shane's got Austin, Angle, he's got Booker T, RVD, and now he's named HIMSELF in the match, which means now I've gotta be in there with you and Jericho, Kane and the Undertaker - Rock, for (beep) sakes, don't be so JEALOUS - you - you - just calm down, willya? Don't be selfish, you can't be selfish about this! We've all gotta get along! You understand? At Survivor Series...do you understand, Rock - you might be unemployed the day after Survivor Series?" "Do YOU understand, Vince? That regardless of what happened tonight, yesterday, tomorrow, the next day or the next, the fact of the matter is with you on the team, whoever's on the team, the Rock will still go out there at Survivor Series, and whup that candy(beep)! And...you remember - YOU of all people, remember - the Rock will forever be the W-W-F." "And maybe WAIT A MINUTE, before you go - just maybe you oughta think about apologising to Y2J, because I'm not gonna have any of this any more tonight, because tonight, I've got Kurt Angle - okay? - Kurt Angle's gonna get his (beep) whupped by Kane tonight for the US Championship, and by God, we're all rootin' for the big one tonight, the WWF title's comin' home, and the Undertaker is gonna bring it back and defeat Stone Cold Steve Austin. That's what's gonna happen--" At this point, Jericho comes in - or TRIES to. A phalanx of referees and officials - and Vince - manage to keep them separated. Rock fails to apologise. I think the only thing he's sorry for is that he only gave him two Rock Bottoms instead of three. Vince is left to try again with Jericho: "Dammit, CALM DOWN!"

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Matt Hardy and Lita experienced a bad patch in their relationship... too bad Lita's never seen this clip, I'm sure it could all be smoothed over...

Backstage, Lita knocks on the locker room door - but only Jeff is inside. "So where's Matt?" "I dunno - WHOA! That's a bad bruise!" "It's fine, Jeff, just don't worry about it." "No, no, it's not fine." Jeff does the Vulcan mind meld on Lita. "Hey, look....has Matt ever said anything to you about Stacy Keibler..." Matt walks in at this point. "Hey, we gotta - what, uh...I hate to walk in and interrupt your guys' MOMENT." Ooh, and his shirt says "LIVE for the MOMENT "He was concerned with my eye, Matt..." "Was he." "Yeah, unlike YOU." Matt turns to Jeff after she leaves. "You know that was an accident! I'm sick of apologising - I've apologised enough. Now come on, we're next, let's go."

"Buffy: The Musical" airs Tuesday - thank GOD I'll be able to watch the Simpsons Halloween special instead

HARDY BOYZ & LITA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by The One - Jet Li, not Billy Gunn) v. DUDLEY BOYZ & STACY DUDLEY (with WrestleMania tix go on sale in *2* days!) in intrigue filled intergender action - D-Von with the gutshot on Matt to start - right, right, into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. Scoop...but Matt lands on his feet and hits a Slop Drop. Matt staggers backwards to his corner - and Lita tags herself in (?) - on the top rope - moonsault! 1, 2, D-Von with a forearm to the face to break it up. Back up - Lita with a right - whip is reversed, Lita ducks a clothesline, but Bubba Ray grabs her hair and pulls her down from behind. Stacy REALLY wants that tag - and gets it. Stomp, stomp, field goal kick, stomp, kick, stands on the neck (there's your money shot) for 4. Scoop...and a slam. Cover - 2. Bubba Ray trying to direct traffic and/or call spots - but Lita's up and recovered, breaks up the punch attempt, right of her own, whip into the corner, running clothesline follows. Into the opposite corner - another clothesline. Snapmare - mount - she manages eleven punches before referee "Blind" Jack Doan can finally pull her off. She seems pissed at Stacy for some reason. Stacy manages to tag Bubba Ray while this goes on, so Lita backs up and tags in Jeff - Jeff flips over the top rope into the ring - and gets blocked - Bubba Ray right, right, whip is reversed, arm drag by Hardy, arm drag, off the ropes, ducks a Dudley clothesline and hits one of his own - Dudley into the corner - dropkick by Hardy - D-Von getting a table, so Jeff dropkicks the TABLE and D-Von hits the floor! Stacy moves over to the apron where hs is - Jeff thinks about kicking a field goal but pulls up - and spanks her one instead! Jeff turns back - ohhh Bubba Ray with a Bubbabomb (Uncle Slam). Right, right, tag to D-Von - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Tag to Bubba Ray - open right, forearm in the back. Open handed slap. Right. Into the opposite corner, but Hardy stairsteps up and hits the Gay in the Gay. Both men are down...crowd gets to clappin' - tag to D-Von, tag to Matt! Matt ducks, right hand puts him down. Another right. Side Russian legsweep - Bubba Ray in - Matt ducks, gutshot, DDT. D-Von into the corner, no, reversed, back elbow up by Matt, though - second rope - ahhhhhhhh drop! 1, 2, Stacy breaks it up (sorta). This brings in Lita - say it - CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT - meanwhile, D-Von is put in the corner for Poetry in Motion - Matt adds a sitout clothesline - bubba Ray tries to attack but Matt ducks - whipped in the corner - Bubba Ray sidesteps Poetry in Motion - then clotheslines Matt down. *Lita's* going up - scaryrana hits Bubba Ray! Matt with a gutshot, going for the Twist of Fate - but as Fate would have it - Bubba Ray shoves Matt off....and into Lita, who was standing on the apron with he back turned. Crowd chants for the 3D but not yet - Matt tries to fight off both Dudleys with a block, right for Bubba Ray, right, back elbow for D-Von, right for Bubba Ray - ducks a D-Von clothesline...which hits Bubba Ray! Matt with a schoolboy on D-Von - 1, 2, NO!!! Jeff is busy checking on Lita - Matt is whipped into the ropes...THERE is 3D (Dudley Death Drop). D-Von covers - you know both men are legal! - 1, 2, 3. (5:45)

UP NEXT: Kurt Angle SPEAKS!

Raw Magazine ad

Hey, wanna see something interesting? During this Nike ad where the ballplayers sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in different languages, hit the close captioning - it's all in English. Sorta defeats the purpose of the ad, don'cha think?

Tazz shills Stacker 2 - I got an email that says the reason this ad sounds so weird on my TV is because it's now going out in 5.1 Surround and MY TV still has two dials on it (well, it's not THAT old, but it's probably close) - all the dialogue is going out on the centre channel, but since I don't HAVE one...well, there you go. Thanks!

TONIGHT: It's the big one - Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Undertaker! "The biggest main event in the history of SmackDown!" says Cole - hmmm, I guess TLC3 must have been SHIT

Golly! An old school promo! "My name is KURT ANGLE, and I'd like to answer some questions I've been getting from you fans ever since last Monday night. Questions like: why? What were you thinking? How could you do this to your country? Well, let me assure all of you: I'm STILL Your Olympic Hero. I'm still an American hero! I'm still everything that makes this country great, and you know why? Because I'm a *winner!* And with Survivor Series coming up, I started to think: who else is a winner? Who do I want on my side when everything's on the line? Well...let's see. Undertaker? He's been here forever, and what has he accomplished? I've done more in two years than he's done in a decade! Kane? Kane's not a winner - he's a follower - a guy who lets the man who burned him as a child lead him around on a leash? Just pathetic? Chris Jericho? Rock? PLEASE. Those are the two most egomaniacal, self-absorbed jerks in the history of the business. I'm supposed to put my career in the hands of these four? I don't think so! There's only one man - ONE MAN who I can trust to get the job done. There's only one man who typifies everything this country should be - a role model to anyone who wants to be a *winner* - and that man is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Think about it! No Mercy - SummerSlam - King of the Ring - Judgment Day, to name a few - and oh yeah, WrestleMania after WrestleMania after WrestleMania. Does Austin cheat? Yes. Does he play fair? No. When it's all on the line, does he get the job done? OH HELL YEAH. And that's who *I* want on MY team. I feel safe putting my career in his hands. We may not be the best of friends, but the man backs up what he says. He is without a doubt the toughest SOB I've ever faced, and the bottom line is...the guy knows how to WIN. Because people, as much as I love my country, and I do...I love my job. And I'll be damned if I'm going to put my job in jeopardy by teaming with some WWF losers. And any of you people would do the same thing! In fact, how DARE you people be upset with ME. Hey, I didn't lie! I never said I wasn't defecting. I still have my intensity, my integrity...and my intelligence. (zoom out - Shane on the left, Austin on the right) And now that I'm on the side of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shane McMahon, I know I'LL be employed after Survivor Series...and you fans will STILL get to see Your Olympic Hero for a long, long time. Oh, it's true...it's damn true." Shane: "Very well done. Very well done." Austin: "I'm proud of you." "Thanks."

Kane - is - WALKING!

UP NEXT: The US Championship is on the line!

I'm watching UPN!

"Mick Foley's back...but he doesn't like what he sees in the WWF!" Ah, good ol' UPN9 News - SO predictable during Sweeps Month

Clearasil presents the WWF Smack of the Night! From RAW, Kurt Angle smacks Chris Jericho with a chair...and the rest is history. That guy in the second row is STILL blowing bubbles

WCW U.S. TITLE: KURT ANGLE (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box & SAP transmitido en espanol) v. KANE - Angle might be with the Alliance, but he STILL gets the stars and stripes in the secondary TV screen instead of the pulsing WCW/ECW logo duel. Is Kane the biggest topcarder to not have his own website yet? Kane barrells Kane into the corner but he forearms the back to take control. Knee - right puts him down - picking him back up, right, right puts him down again. Into the corner, gutshot coming out. Arm wringer, kick, kick, "Angle sux!" chant. Off the ropes - elbowdrop by Kane MISSES. Kane again barrels him into the corner, fireman's carry out - Kane comes right back - right, right, back elbow, into the ropes, Angle ducks, gobehind waistlock - German suplex! Woow! But it's a ZOMBIE SITUP! Angle right, right, right, right, Kane grabs the choke - Kane back to his feet - Angle manages a waistlock, but Kane unleashes a back elbow. Right hand - into the ropes - big boot. Clothesline. Angle sent into the corner, staggers out into a sidewalk slam - no, make that a powerslam as Kane puts him on his shoulder (wow) - 1, 2, no. Kane picks up Angle - no, Angle grabs an ankle! But Kane kicks him off with his free leg. Kane with a big boot, taking Angle outside. Kane follows. Kane puts Angle's head into the STEEL steps. Right hand. Uppercut puts Angle over the barricade to the outside. Right hand as Kane follows. Whip into the barricade...running...running into Angle's back elbow. Angle climbs back over the barricade and into the ring - while STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN appears in the crowd with a chair to Kane's back! They both go over the barricade and Austin works on destroying Kane's left knee as AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME sprints out - yes, I said he SPRINTS out - and chases Austin over the barricade and out through the crowd. Unfortunately for Kane, it's at THIS point that referee "Blind" Charles Robinson stops looking at Angle and looks outside at Kane. Angle goes out to take advantage - stomp, stomp. Every stomp on the back of the injured leg. Ankle across the STEEL steps. Angle in, Angle out. Angle puts Kane back in and follows. To his credit, Cole's said "how come Angle is teaming with the man who threw his medals into the river?" about once a match. Stomp on the ankle - stomp - stomp - stomp. Are you ready? Stomp. Angle mounts - right, right, right, right. Leg across the bottom rope - big butt drop on the ankle. Kurt grabs the ankle - Kane with an enzuigiri! Both men are down and Robinson puts on the count - both men up after 5. Angle punches - but Kane catches it - right, right, into the ropes, big back body drop. Angle put in the corner - follow clothesline. Angle brought out - snap suplex - Kane's ankle almost buckling - but STILL Kane holds on - TWO suplexes! Kane is STILL holding on! THREE suplexes (every one on one ankle) - Kane brings him up for ANOTHER suplex. Kane finally lets go. Kane outside - he's climbing up top with one ankle? Flying clothesline HITS - but Kane clutches his leg after he lands. Kane slowly rises...and gives the international sign of the chokeslam - got the choke! - but Angle drops down, shoots for an ankle and gets it! But Kane FLIPS out - Angle runs at him - CHOKE - CHOKESLAM!! But he can't follow up and AGAIN both men are down. At 5, Kane rises...slowly walks to Angle - HE puts on an anklelock!!! Angle screams in pain - but ANGLE somersaults out! Unbelievable. Angle limps towards Kane - going for the Tombstone (!!!) but Angle clutches Kane's left leg - and pulls him down - ANGLELOCK! Kane shakes his head - tries the flip but can't - tries to reach the ropes but CAN'T - a last desperate roll works, but Angle STILL has the ankle. Kane reaches for the ropes again - the crowd is with him every agonizing inch towards the ropes....ANGLE PULLS HIM BACK. Kane - Kane TAPS! Champ retains. (8:50) Wow, that was Kane's best match in....gosh, a LONG time. This is a match you can point to to prove two things that are always said but seldom backed up with actual evidence when you ask for it: 1) Kane still has potential and deserves the spot he gets near the top of the card, and 2) Kurt Angle deserves your wrestler of the year vote because he's been so consistently good with so many different wrestlers this year. And the BEST part is they still did FIVE MINUTES after the crap run-in. What a good match.

Commissioner Regal watches from his office. "A crushing blow for the World Wrestling Federation - wonderful. Come in. Ah, Tajiri. Miss. Wilson. Tajiri, I'm glad you've gone. I don't get enough to spend with you anymore. You know, when you came to the World Wrestling Federation now, it was me that opened the doors for you, but you were the one that ran with the ball, you made yourself into a WWF superstar. You have done tremendously well here, and I'm very very proud of you, but times change, and now I'm the Commissioner of the Alliance, and...I enjoyed working with you so much, I'm offering you the chance to join the Alliance and come with me. Come work for the Alliance - it'd be a wonderful opening for you." Torrie doesn't seem to want him to join, but Tajiri motions to her that it's all right. "No." "No? I respect that...if that's your wishes, a man has to stand on his own two feet sometimes...and make the right decision." He offers his hand - and when Tajiri takes it, he pulls him across the desk and pummels away with lefts. "Do you know what nemesis means? Well now you do, because I'M your bloody nemesis, and if you want, sunshine, I'll meet you in the ring, and show you exactly what you're worth. And as for you Ms. Wilson..." Tajiri shoots his right leg up with a kick to the face, and they escape. We're left looking at Regal's facial expression...

Nothing beats the WWF live! Saturday, it's the WWF in Lowell! Sunday is Bridgeport! Monday is RAW on Long Island! And Tuesday it's E. Rutherford!

In the Room of Fun, Austin and Debra are jubiliant. "I'm so proud of Kurt, I knew he could do it - I knew he could do it all along! I've been watching that-- come in! Hahaha!" "I won!" "I know!" "I just wanted to thank you. I retained the title, I beat Kane, I wanna thank you for what you did out there." "It don't make a--" "I'm so happy right now. Wow." "You should be. You're the US Champion..." "Champions." "...champ to champ." "Champions..." "I love you!" (Huh?) "USA, all the way." "I've had my eye on you for a long time, you've got great. potential. That's why--" "You have?" "Yeah. I love you!" "You - you love me?" "Yeah! Hey...I got something for ya." Angle becomes uneasy. "No, hey, hold hold - lighten up, lighten up." Austin leaves the picture. "Ha ha...I got something for yoooou...ha ha. Look!" "For me? Oh my gosh!" "Heh heh heh heh - an Austin 3:16 hat!" "Oh my-- I've always WANTED an Austin--" "Put in on! Stupid, put it on!" "Yeah, I'm gonna put my belt down here - oh - oh, man - I'm an SOB. I'm an SOB!" "You're a hell of an SOB!" "Yeah! Debra?" Austin goes into a box. "Look what I've got!" "They're my MEDALS?" "You know how long it took to fish these out of the Detroit River? I GOT 'EM FOR YOU!" "Oh my gosh..." "Did I tell you I love you or what?" "Yeah." "Put 'em on! (Don't forget about the hat.)" "This means so much to me." "Don't-- put the hat on." "This is so great. This is the happiest day of my life! Besides winning the gold medals, of course. I look good, huh?" "You're damn right you do, I'm proud of ya." Angle wants to hug - he reaches his arms out - no resistance - subtle move forward - Austin hasn't budged - Angle just GOES FOR IT. "Thank you...I love you, too." We pan around to see that Austin's expression could stop a clock.

Meanwhile, JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up with... "Excuse me, Rock....I understand you had a word for Chris Jericho." "Well, the Rock has a word for Chris Jericho, the Rock called you in here for one reason, he has a word for Chris Jericho - the Rock... the Rock has not one not two but three words for Chris Jericho: JUST BRING IT. Chris Jericho, the Rock is tired of this mamzy-pamzy chicken CRAP goin' on between you and the Rock. We settle this one more time, before Survivor Series, this Monday night, LIVE on RAW, you and the Rock, WCW Championship. You go one on one with the great one, Jericho - the Rock is tired of all this, we put an end to all this before Survivor Series...this Monday night. You talk about winning the big one, Chris Jericho - well you show the Rock - SHOW the Rock that you can win the big one one more time. One more time. You just bring it, Jericho. Just bring it. If you smell...what the Rock...........is cookin'."

"He's back - but bitter! Mick Foley says he doesn't like what he sees in the WWF Next, what's wrong inside the WWF...and hear who the Commissioner thinks MIGHT need an attitude adjustment! The stunning details NEXT at 10!" GOD BLESS WWOR

The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by XBOX! From RAW, Edge manages a victory over Rob van Dam.

Back in the Room of Fun, Angle kisses his medals (doesn't he know where they've been?) "They look great, they go with the hat." "'course the hat looks better than the medals." "What?" "Nothing." Rob van Dam comes in. "You wanted to see me?" "You're damn right I wanted to see you - WE wanted to see you!" "Yeah, WE wanted to see you." "It's about your match." "Yeah, your match." "What match?" "Last Monday you got your ass whipped." "Yeah, you got your ass whipped Monday night." "Hehehe - you got beat by Edge!" "Yeah, by Edge." "I don't want him to beat you again!" "Yeah, never again!" "I want you to go out there and prove yourself." "Yeah, you prove yourself tonight. "You better...hey! You better go out there and represent yourself like you need to represent, you know what t- I don't have my watch." "Yeah, he doesn't have his watch right now." "So what? No, I got it all taken ca--" "What?" "What?" "This time I g--" "What?" "What?" "Tonight's gonna--" "What?" "What?" "Whatever..." This transcription probably didn't do justice to what I just saw.

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: KING EDGE (with Rob Zombie CD cover - and Heat hype: Edge is the special guest!) v. POINTS TO SELF - Lockup, arm wringer by van Dam, Edge reverses, van Dam nips up, leg sweep misses, side headlock by Edge, powered out, up and over, shoulderblock by Edge, van Dam sweeps a leg with his arm, EDGE sweeps the leg with his leg, everybody back off - standoff. van Dam decides he'd better take advantage of the hardcore rules, goes out and brings in a chair - Edge beats him to it in the ring - right, right, right - van Dam fires back, right, right, right, into the corner, Edge pops out so van Dam throws the chair at him - cover - 2. Boot to the head. Edge with a gutshot, van Dam drops the chair - they fight over it, with neither man gaining control - so Edge stomps the chair to the mat - gutshot to van Dam, going for the DDT but van Dam counters it - arm wringer, into the ropes, hiptoss by van Dam doesn't work - Edge manages to plant van Dam's face into the chair on a bulldogalike - Edge gets 2. van Dam ducks a clothesline, then clotheslines Edge (and himself) to the outside. After a brief recovery time, van Dam hits the apron and moonsaults off - cover on the floor - 1, 2, NO! "RVD" chant. van Dam up first - rolling Edge into the ring. Kick to the head. van Dam sets up the chair - going for an Arabian avalanche but Edge SPEARS him before he finishes! 1, 2, NO! Give it a SmackDown! replay. In the "live" shot, Edge delivers the Edge-o-matic...but may have hurt himself. Edge STILL goes up top...but stops when he spies TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST walking out. van Dam crotches Edge on top...then he too looks surprised that Test is out. Overhead kick to Edge's head - climbing up top - ribshots...but Edge counters and - holy shit, they try to switch places on the top rope? Probably not - but what we end up getting is both men jumping off the top, Edge giving himself a hot shot while van Dam ALSO gets a stun gun, hitting the apron on his way to the floor. Test comes in at this point and gives Edge a Wotsitolla Boot...don't know if van Dam caught that - Fivestar frog splash should make it academic - 1, 2, 3. (Sunnyvale 4:08) Why yes, the Alliance HAS won all their matches thus far tonight. Replay of the boot...and the frog splash.

TONIGHT: Stone Cold vs. Undertaker!

Chris Jericho is WALKING! Jonathan Coachman catches up and stooges out the Rock. What's his response to the challenge. "I'm aware of it - I'm aware of it. You want my response? You want my response to the 'Just Bring It' Mandate? Well, my response is this: on Monday night, on RAW, as far as the Rock is concerned, I...you know what, Coach? No offense. You're doing a great job as always (slaps cheek), but I think I'm gonna go give my response to the Rock...personally.

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 (apparently not in Surroundsound)

"My Sacrifice" by Creed (buy their CD "Weathered") is the soundtrack for this video Special Video Look at selected 2001 highlights called "WWF Desire"

Time to talk Survivor Series! The graphic don't lie: WINNER TAKE ALL and at the end of it, Then There'll Be One: Kurt Angle & Rob van Dam & Shane McMahon & Booker T & Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kane & Undertaker & Vince McMahon & Chris Jericho & Rock in an elimination match with everything on the line!

Chris Jericho finds Rock. "Hey, Rock! So you want a rematch for the WCW Championship, huh? Well here's my answer--" and he starts WHALING on him. The refs are close behind...but not close enough. Even AFTER they get the separated, Rock decides to go back and get him a bit more. Again, it ain't easy but they manage to pull them apart.

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And now, the WWF Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz! Earlier Tonight! Regal and Tajiri shared a special moment, leading to...

COMMISSIONER REGAL v. TAJIRI (with Torrie Samuda) in a nontitle match - I've figured it out! Regal's theme sounds like a WebTV MIDI file. Regal blocks a kick, blocks another kick, Tajiri blocks a forearm, Regal catches a kick...and catches an enzuigiri in the head. Regal to the eyes, forearm in the back, forearm, Euro forearm puts him on the outside. Regal follows - and rams Tajiri's back into the apron. Regal pulls the arm into the ringpost. Rolled back in the ring - Regal stays on the floor and pulls Tajiri's chest across the corner of the ring. Forearm across the chest. Regal back in - stomps on the head, Tajiri tries some body shots, but Regal hits a knee - and a knee off the ropes. 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out. Another cover gets 1 - another cover, another 1. Regal puts him in the corner - four European forearms - into the opposite corner, gutshot, vertical suplex is countered and Tajiri lands a superkick. Whip into the ropes is reversed, but tajiri hits the handspring elbow. Dropkick...is slapped away. Regal with a big forearm. Union Jack - good night. 1, 2, 3. (1:49) Man, I wish this hadn't seemed like such an afterthought....Regal with lefts post-match - and a double underhook powerbomb (wow!) Let's visit his Geocities website again (and play his music)!

Undertaker shadow boxes - here comes Vince to provide...motivation? "Undertaker! Undertaker! I know you're readying yourself for this match against Stone Cold. And I know that tonight, I know that you're going to bring back the WWF Championship to us. I know it. Just before Survivor Series, you're gonna bring back the big one for us tonight. And I know you're upset - I know you're upset because your brother Kane got hurt earlier tonight - I know you're upset with me because last Monday, I admit, I doubted you - I thought maybe you were the one who was gonna turn your back on the WWF...but all I'm asking for tonight is tonight, you've gotta do it - we've got no alternative...you've gotta beat Austin for the title." "I'll tell you what - you don't worry about Austin, 'cause I'm gonna kick Austin's ass tonight. And as far as Monday night goes, Vince, for doubting MY loyalty...you can kiss my ass. Whaddaya think o' that, huh? Huh?"

WrestleMania tickets go on sale SATURDAY! (Unless you're special)

The theme from Survivor Series is Puddle of Mudd's "Control" - buy a copy of "Come Clean" TODAY!

Survivor Series is proudly presented by XBOX - how come nobody's ever *embarrassed* to present something?

AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a Sweeps Month Special for the WWF Championship - we are denied any graphics as Austin emerges from...SOMEWHERE...to club Taker in the back just as he gets off his Beautiful Bike after circling the ring. Austin with repeated forearms in the back, devolving to general pounding. Right hand, right, right, right, right. Knee, elbow to the back of the head, right, kick, head to the post, clothesline onto the ramp. AUSTIN'S GONNA RUN HIM OVER WITH HIS OWN BIKE - well, he doesn't know how to start it, looks like...Taker slowly gets up - Austin realises what's going on and shoots Taker a great look - then eats a clothesline off the seat of the bike. Taker takes charge - Austin rammed into one of the sets of STEEL steps standing along ringside - soupbone, soupbone - Austin vaults the bike - soupbone puts him on the floor. Taker runs him into the barricade - soupbone to the body, soupbone, soupbone to the head, rammed into the ringpost. Taker ain't done - bringing him up - sizing him up - soupbone on the button. Taker brings him to his feet - measured back elbow. Soupbone. Austin stays down. Taker looks back to his ride...oh no - HE gets on the bike - fires it up...referee "Blind" Earl Hebner decides he'll just get in the ring - THERE HE GOES but Austin jumps over the barricade. Can you BLAME him for having fear in his eyes? Taker off the bike and after him - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmysoupbone," soupbone, soupbone, soupbone. Soupbone. Taker rips off Austin's shirt - back elbow - soupbone, soupbone, knife-edge chop. Taker dares Austin to get up - then runs him back over the barricade. Austin grabs the ring bell...but Taker puts up a big boot to keep him from connecting. Austin's head hits the STEEL steps. Austin with a kick in the gut to try to turn it around, kick, kick, head to the commentary table is blocked, Taker with an elbow in the gut, Austin's head hits the commentary table, Austin run into the steps one more time, FINALLY in the ring and NOW they ring the bell to start the match! (So that 4:45 won't figure into the "official" time...) HERE WE GO: hey, they DO put the WWF CHAMPIONSHIP graphic on screen! Taker stomps. Soupbone. Stomp. Austin vainly tries to call for a timeout. (Ha!) Stomp, stomp, stomp, warning Hebner not to tell him about the rules, picking up Austin...arm wringer, yanking the arm, another yank, time now for Old Skool...and the Taker connects! Another arm wringer...pulling Austin down to the mat by his elbow. He's going up AGAIN for Old Skool - ANOTHER forearm in the back! Cover - 1, 2, KICKOUT! Austin manages a knee in the gut - another knee - and an elbow to the back of the neck. Austni with a chop, another chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, Austin ducks the swing, KICK WHAM NO Taker shoves him away - gutshot - going for the Last Ride (or the Tombstone?) but Austin drops down...then slinks out of the ring. Austin grabs his belt - he's LEAVING! Taker decides to go after him, and Hebner breaks his count to follow. Soupbone! Taker drops to his knees and punches away - that's FIVE more soupbones. Taker puts the belt in one hand, gives Austin a side headlock with the other, and they all walk back to the ring. "You aren't goin' nowhere! You see that?" He tosses the belt into the ring. "This is an ass whupping you're takin'!" Austni rolled back in - Austin grabs the belt and tries the shot - Taker with the big boot to the title to the head to kill that noise. Taker has the title. Hebner is SCREMING at him not to do it - Taker looks back - and goes ahead - but that was just the distraction Austin needed - KICK WHAM STUNNER and Taker rolls outside. Austin out after him - Taker put into the table - again - a THIRD time into the commentary table. Austin mounts Taker on the table and unleashes ten or eleven piston rights. Austin to the barricade - picks up speed - Fuck You elbow into the throat. Taker rolled back into the ring - from his knees he tries to come back - soupbobne, left, souobone, left, uppercut to the jaw - into the ropes is reversed - Austin press and ANOTHER nine rights - and AGAIN Austin goes off the ropes drops the Hammer. Cover - 1, 2, NO! Head to the buckle - head to the buckle - head to the buckle - Taker BLOCKS the next one, grabs the head, soupbone, AUSTIN'S head hits the buckle - again - make it three - opposite corner whip, Taker with the clothesline, back to the original corner - Taker puts Austin on his shoulder - Snake Eyes in the corner! Taker off the ropes - big boot! Both men are down. Austin rolls out again, pushes Tony Chimel out of his chair and brings it into the ring. Austin runs at Taker with the chair...Taker with a boot to stop him! Soupbone! Soupbone, soupbone, soupbone! Austin whipped into the opposite corner, no, a reversal is tried but Taker reverses back...and Austin runs RIGHT into Hebner. Austin backs up into Taker and THEIR heads collide. Austin manages to come to first, hitting a clothesline. Austin grabs the chair - WHACK in the back. Chair to the ankle - just like with Kane - chair to the ankle - chair to the ankle. HE'S GONNA PILLMANISE IT - ankle in the chair - boot to the head - Austin going to the top (!) but he takes too long to look out at the crowd - Taker is UP and HE has the chair - WHACK - Austin falls to the mat and comes up bleeding. WHACK to the head. Taker gives the international sign of the chokeslam...Austin slowly up - choke - CHOKESLAM! Here comes KURT ANGLE as Taker covers - aw, hell. (DQ 9:19) Did you notice Angle came out with his Austin 3:16 hat on but took it off at the very top of the ramp? Right, right, right is blocked - soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone...but Austn puts a forearm in the back and now the doubleteam stompdown is on. Anybody gonna save him? Guess not. Taker rolls out of the ring - and the beatdown continues on the floor. Angle brings Taker back up - right, right, back in the ring and now *Taker* is busted open (wow, when was the last time we saw HIM bleed?) Angle holds him up for Austin - KICK WHAM STUNNER and Austin calls to....oh. SHANO is up from the back with a cooler. Beer for Steve, beer for Angle (no milk?), beer for Shane. Six beers meet in the center of a toast - play Austin's music! Credits up and we're out!

I'm not going to note the coincidental cutting way back of McMahons in relation to my "McMahon-free" recap, but I WILL say that it's good to know that a lot of people were as annoyed as I was...and that the WWF took steps and worked on it. It was probably more of a Sweeps thing, anyway. (Smiley)

BONUS COVERAGE: Aren't you lucky I'm in New York? Here's your recap of the standard Thursday "WWF interest" story on the UPN 9 News! I can't tell you how HAPPY I am to hear that the opening story is about crappy security at JFK - uhhhh guess which airline I flew into Wednesday, and which one I'm flying out of next week...hopefully they'll have it figured out by then.

I guess the only GOOD side to it is I'll be in New York while they go after the Golden Gate bridge

Hype for Foley starts the news

Hype at 10:12 - but it won't air until 10:30

Hype at 10:20

Hype at 10:26 - sheesh

HERE WE GO! Mick Foley handwrites his own books! Today at WWF New York, Albert, Tommy Dreamer, and Justin Credible were tellin' the kids about Respect, Education, Achievement, and Leadership - get it? Get REAL - R.E.A.L. okay yeah cheesy - plus, are you ready to learn about life from Albert, Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible? THERE'S a trio. Now UPN9 tells us that they're simply Foley's opening act. Requisite book plug - it's #4 on the next New York Times bestseller list. He hopes that he's a "brand name" and people will pick up his books because of that. Katie Couric changed his life, because "before I met Katie Couric, I wasn't a namedropper." What does he think about the current state of the WWF? "It could use a little overhaul, in my opinion." He blames the surplus of talent: "...in my opinion, a lot of really good, talented guys have been pushed down the card without really getting a fair shot at proving themselves." Foley also thinks an Attitude adjustment is in order following the recent tragic events: "It's tough - I'm not making the decisions, you know, and you wonder what the public wants to see - I've always looked on wrestling favorably as a great form of escapism, but the WWF Attitude has been so successful, I don't know if it's, ah, you know, if it's needed right now...I mean, the whole world has had to change after September 11th, and we're no different." WOW TALK ABOUT CONTROVERSY GO GO UPN9

NOW the movie critic says that "The One" was originally conceived as a vehicle for the Rock, but he took on "The Mummy Returns" instead. Oh come on, she MADE that up...

I'd keep watching for the Aaliyah story, but I'm running late already. SEE YA!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling