I didn't *plan* on being an entire week late, but Kim was
over and we were having fun and shopping and eating out and next thing you
know, wrestling just kinda slipped down the prioritizometer - then I had to
WORK, then I had to WORK when I wasn't even SUPPOSED to be working, then XO
decided their stock should be worth $0.00 a share and there was this
conference call and....well, I just hadn't gotten that round tuit 'til now.
Years from now when people read this as part of the Archive, it won't make
any difference, though, so we've got THAT going at least.
AWARDS: Have you voted yet? Time is running out!
KINGS UPDATE: 9-3 (1.5 GB Lakers, who I hate)
UPN - Thanksgiving!
LAST SUNDAY: No show opener, straight to the Survivor Series clips...
AND THEN... some clips from RAW - oh man, I thought I'd blocked this out. We probably haven't heard an unbleeped "ass" this early in the show for a LOOOOONG time - also notice the lack of the usual "TV-PG" ratings box - we don't get one at all, in fact. Anyway, go read the RAW report - One W, four O's, one bang spells Woooo!
A close captioned logo during the Opening Credits is beautiful, people! Wait...did I still see Rhyno in there?
THANKFUL FOR PYRO - from the Crown Coliseum in Fayetteville, NC 22.11.1 (taped 20.11) and SAP transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network and the Score, THIS is WWF - YES, WWF - SMACKDOWN!
TONIGHT: Gravy Bowl Invitational - oh boy - Stacy vs. Trish - not using last names implies objectification
And here's a look at the - ugh - Gravy Bowl
TONIGHT: It's a tag team title match when Rob van Dam & the Rock team to take on the Dudley Boyz!
But first....THE MAN makes a solo ascent into Kitchen Stadium - he's listed as "Co-Owner of the WWF" and his entrance video is - shockingly - entirely composed of clips from RAW. What, no 1992 footage available? Let's listen: "Happy Thanksgiving. God only knows each and every one of us surely has something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving brought us...the Survivor Series! One of the greatest pay-per-views of all time - and thank God I bet on the winning team. Who'd've ever guessed that Stephanie and Shane would've sold their stock headed up by a consortium called the Nature Boy. Which means, now I am 50% owner of the World Wrestling Federation. The biggest, the greatest sports entertainment group in the entire world. And I own 50% of it. That works for me. Now as big as the Survivor Series was, my first official day on the job, I've got something even bigger to tell ya. Because on December 9th, San Diego, California, the theme of our next big pay-per-view will be Vengeance. Now you all know we have two great world champions here - we have the World Wrestling Federation champion Stone Cold Steve Austin...and we have the World Champion, the Rock. Let me tell ya what I'M gonna make happen. At Vengeance, in San Diego, LIVE on pay-per-view, these two great champions will enter the ring and they will fight until there is one. In other words, one great company...one great champion. Woooo! Woooo!" Funny, I thought Survivor Series knocked Starrcade out of the Thanksgiving... Oh, but the soulful strains of "No Chance in Hell" welcome out THE ASS for a counterpoint. Flair offers him the mic. "Well since this is Thanksgiving, I would like to extend, I know, the opportunity for all of you to thank the one man responsible for the World Wrestling Federation surviving - let's hear a good and bold Thanksgiving thank you for Kurt Angle! Heh - how 'bout that - imagine me having a 50-50 partner in Ric Flair...well. Goes to show you anything can happen in this world, and Ric, I've gotta compliment you because I think this is a brilliant idea - brilliant. Yes, there's only one surviving sports entertainment company...we do have two champions. I agree with you...we should only have one. Who's the better man? Is it Stone Cold, is it the Rock? We intend to find out. I like that idea. I applaud that idea. It's brilliant on your part. But wait a minute - let me offer something else here. Let me offer this. If I'm, If I'm the Rock and I'm the World Champion, I know one thing - as much as I'd like to face Austin, I'd love to get my hands on Y2J. I would...if I were the Rock. And if I were Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I was as JR calls him the greatest WWF Champion of all time, I know what I'd want - I'd want to get my hands on Kurt Angle. So, this is what I'm proposing to you, Ric: what if - on this night of Vengeance, what if Stone Cold defends the WWF title against Kurt Angle, the Rock defends the World championship against Y2J on the same night, and then, on the same night the winners of both matches face each other later on for the undisputed World Championship. Whaddaya say?" "That is AWESOME! That's why you are the man!" "Ha ha ha - see what a good partner? Heh heh! But as much as I think we're gonna get along just fine Ric, I have to take issue with just a couple things. And that is that, uh, I think you maybe could have been a little less flamboyant in the way you announced your - your partnership with me, you waited until the night after Survivor Series, you waited to make that public announcement in your own home state of North Carolina...and you made it...publicly, and quite frankly, I was a little bit embarrassed by it. But I got over that, I'm fine with that - but I tell you what I'm not over, and I gotta get it off my chest. I'm not so sure that - last Monday night, I'm not so sure that you didn't know Stone Cold was in the building. And I'll tell you why. 'cause there I was watching you prance like you do...and at that time, here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin...rumbling down the ramp, jumps in the ring, and pounces on Kurt Angle. I looked at you and said 'What are you gonna do?' You know what, Ric? You didn't do a damn thing. It was me (Vince McMahon) - *I* pulled that animal Austin off of Kurt Angle. And what did I get in return? Austin damn near beat the living hell out of me! And what did you do, Ric? My 50/50 partner, what did you do? You stood there and you watched it. And then, as Kurt pulled me up the ramp, I admit my eyes were watering a little bit, and I looked back and I could have *sworn* that what I saw was you with a can of beer in your hand, Austin with a can of beer in his hand, and the two of you drinking beer together. Now, if we're 50/50 partners, you'll never have to worry about me, I'll ALWAYS have your back, pal. But in the future....in the future, when I jump in, dammit, you jump in with me. I gotta know now, Ric - I gotta know...what kind of a partner are you gonna make?" "I thought I told you ...on RAW - Woooo! - (jacket off) what kinda of a padnah I was gon' make. (off the ropes - strut) Woooo! In case you don't get it brother, woooo! Woooo! Woooo! I'm gonna be that kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin', limousine ridin', jet flyin', son of a gun that's kissed all the girls and made 'em cry - with my partner, Vince McMahon, woooo! You gotta learn how to say Woooo! Woooo! Woooo! Woooo!" Hit his music. McMahon mouths "Woooo!?" incredulously.
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER.
Hey look! It's a gravy bowl!
Here's a long pan up on Trish Stratus - JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up to her and asks why she'd accept a gravy bowl match. She says he KNOWS she doesn't mind her getting...nasty. She also says something about her dress getting wet and clingy and making a bigger impression but did I mention I was running a week late...?
The Whack of the Night is brought to you by Whacko Tobacco! From Survivor Series, Test manages to AGAIN win the Immunity Battle Royal
TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST v. SCOTTY 2 HOTTY - at Survivor Series, Test beat up Hotty to take his place in the Immunity Battle Royal - and a good thing, too, 'cause if Hotty had won that Immunity would have been WASTED when the WWF won! Anyway, it's time for some Vengeance! Knee by Test (oops), forearm in the back, again. Right hand, into the opposite corner, follow lariat. Test rolls him over and hooks a leg - 1, 2, no. Cole says it'll be the first time in over a century that we'll have an undisputed champion. Hotty comes back - right, right, right, Test with a knee to cut that short. Vertical suplex. 1, 2, no. Test argues the cadence with referee "Blind" Teddy Long. Gravy bowl match coming up! Hotty out on the apron - blocks a punch, right, head in the gut, back to back over the ropes back in - off the ropes, Test ducks - gutshot, setting up for another suplex but Hotty breaks free - right, right, right, into the corner is reversed, back elbow up by Hotty, second rope, jiggy missile dropkick - 1, 2, Test is out. Into the ropes, reversed, Hotty slides under - superkick! Hotty watches Test stagger and thinks bulldog - but Test ducks that - so Hotty dropkicks the knees - THERE's the bulldog - here's the dance - W O R M - whee whee whee hoo hoo hoo hi-NO two boots by Test puts Hotty down. Test awaiting him to get up - but Hotty ducks the boot! Small package - 1, 2, no! Hotty ducks a clothesline - off the ropes - THERE'S Wotsitolla Boot - 1, 2, 3, Test takes it in a "Wrestling Challenge" match. (2:39)
SHARMELL SULLIVAN (who you may know as Paisley...or, if you weren't watching then, Nitro Grrrrl Storm) interviews TAZZZZZZ - he's back in the WWF 'cause Vince liked what he did to Heyman - not only is he back as a commentator, but also as a wrestler. Hearing "wrestler," Funaki comes in all atitter. "Something funny?" "Hahaha - you lost - kiss ass man Regal rast Monday night." "Kiss ass man - hahahaha - that's funny!" Right hand, Tazzmission...until Big Show pulls him off. Big Show. Okay. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" "You're about the size I wear." "Oh you wanna try to wear me? Wear me." "You got a deal...little man." I dunno, I give it about a minute.
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"WWF SmackDown!: Just Bring It" ad - too bad it's got the OLD SmackDown! logo, eh?
Look! They're STILL throwing crap into the gravy bowl! Jerry Lawler says "breast. Yoohoo!"
"My Sacrifice" takes on Edge. "Growing up, it was superheroes, KISS and wrestling, and wrestling being the first. In my yearbook, it said Most Likely to Become WWF Champion [Adam Copeland]. Any sacrifice I've made has been my choice. You're not home much. When I have children, I probably won't see their first steps or hear their first words. I just remember sitting in that crowd when I was a child and getting goosebumps; now I have that same feeling when I'm hearing my own music and getting ready to come through that curtain. ... Every night that I step into the ring, there's desire to, to entertain, put the best match on possible. The most fun is getting in and hearing those people, it's that time in the ring, that's what makes it all worthwhile. ... It's a dream come true. It really is."
Angle is beaming. "Happy Thanksgiving, Vince." "Thanks, Kurt, and Happy Thanksgiving to you." "Thank you. But you know what burns me up? People all over the world have so much to be thankful for, and they're not. They're ingrates! Think about it. They should be thank for me - Kurt Angle! Yeah." "I'll agree with you there." "And they sould be thankful that I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. Right here." "Yep." "And that an Olympic Gold Medalist would actually enter the World Wrestling Federation. And not to mention win every single title there is to win here in the World Wrestling Federation, I've done that." "Yes, you have." "And, and that I'm a role model for children all over the world." "You drink milk...and you know what though, Kurt? You know what they should be most thankful for, don't you?" "Oh, you're damn right. For singlehandedly saving the World Wrestling Federation from extinction, that's what I did! But you know what, Vince? You know what I'm grateful and thank for? For what you said out there. Giving me the opportuntity to become undisputed champion at Vengeance?" "Yeah?" "Vince...thank you." Angle wants a hug, but he's unsure if he should go for it. "You're welcome, Kurt." "You know what, though? You know what ticks me off? I should already be the WWF Champion. I should already be the WWF Champion!" "Well, look. Ric Flair had something to do with that Monday, and...and so did Austin." "You're damn right. You granted me that title!" "I tried." "You granted me it! You're the owner! You're Vince McMahon! Think about that - and then Austin comes down...and I'm trying to talk sense into him - he won't listen and he tries to take me out. Ho ho - and then - he did, he took YOU out. He should worship the ground you that you walk on, Vince, and he doesn't." "He's an ingrate." "He IS an ingrate! And you know what? It's gonna make it that much sweeter when I take him out at Vengeance and become the undisputed champion of the world." "Mmm hmmm." "Oh, it's true." "No, Kurt...that's DAMN true." "You're damn right." "Yeah - there's no doubt about it in my--" The knock at the door... a cart with a turkey, trimmings...and the European title. "Somebody order room service?" "Christian." "Happy Thanksgiving!" "What is the meaning of this?" "Look, Mr. McMahon, I figured that since, you know, none of us can be home for the holidays, at least we're all here in the WWF, so it's a sign of my gratitude, you know, look, all the fixins, here - we got sweet--" Whoops, it's Taker barged in. "You were just leavin', right?" "Yeah, I'll get the cider." Christian DOES come back for his belt, though. "I don't think you want your boy to hear what I got to say." "Whoa whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute...where were you last Monday night?" "Hey, Kurt..." "Huh? You should be thanking me right now, I saved the World Wrestling Federation. I want a thank you." "Kurt, let me handle this, please. I'll be all right, just let me handle this, okay?" "All right. You gonna be all right?" "I'm fine, thank you." "All right." Angle leaves. "What the hell are you doing here? This is Thanksgiving. You're not scheduled to be here...tonight. And where were you? That was a good - where were you Monday night? We had a HUGE celebration." "Huge." "Yeah, celebrating the World Wrestling Federation surviving Survivor Series." "Is that right." "Yeah." "Well I was having my own little celebration - 'cause I really didn't fit in with yours. That became very obvious." "What do you mean?" "You know what Survivor Series was? Eleven years here - eleven years of the Undertaker - regardless of whether I seen eye to eye on things with you, I always had your back." "I'll grant you that." "Oh you will." "Yeah." "Well if you're gonna grant me that, why don't you explain to me what that's all about. After eleven years, you mean you can't trust me - you can't trust me enough to let me in on the fact that Kurt Angle is on the take with you?" "Are you angry, you're upset over that? I--" "You're damn right I'm angry! That guy's no good, brother! He is a snake in the grass! I've been here eleven years watching your (beep), why didn't you come to me, man? You didn't think I could handle it?" "It's not a question of that at all, of course I know you could handle it. You've been handling it for, like you say, eleven years, you've been in the main event for eleven years, and I have shown my gratitude, and...and since you're here tonight, I want to show you my gratitude tonight. I mean, you've been in main events for eleven years, by God, you should be in the main event tonight, so tonight - Undertaker one on one...with Kurt Angle in the main event." "Kurt Angle." "Yes!" "Are you sure about that?" "Absolutely!" "Are you sure you wanna do that to your boy?" "He's not my boy." "Oh yeah, he's your boy. Believe me - if I've learned anything in eleven years here with you, I know when you've picked somebody out to be your boy - and Kurt Angle...capital B-o-y, Vince's boy." "Well if he was my boy then why would I make this match?" "Good question." "Well, just chill, you're in the main event, you're here...and to show my appreciation...you know, I've done the right thing for you, I always do." "Mmmmm." "Have some turkey." "I don't want your damn turkey....but I will tell you where you can stuff it. Your boy? He's going down."
Aw, isn't that sweet? Undertaker is JEALOUS that KURT is Vince's bitch instead of HIM! "C'mon, Vince, don't you wanna fuck ME in the ass any more? Remember how GOOD it used to be for us?" and Vince is all "It's not you, baby, it's ME. Now go turn a trick for us, baby, give us a little SPENDIN' KASH MONEY"
Catch the WWF live tomorrow in Daytona Beach, Saturday in Lakeland, Sunday in Ft. Meyers, and RAW hits Oklahoma City - and Tuesday is Wichita! And that's all!
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZ (with EARLIER TONIGHT!) v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Tazz decides to meet him out on the floor - well it's the big boot and down he goes. Yeah, this'll be quick. Rolled in the ring and Dieseling over the top rope - shoving Tazz down - Tazz wants the T-bone, uhh no. Well it's the back elbow to the back of the head. In the corner, well it's a big right, well it's a big overhand right, well it's a big gutshot, into the opposite - no, back to the original corner, well it's a big clothesline. Show going for the reverse pelvic thrust, but before he finishes the move, Tazz climbs up and puts on the Tazzmission! Show backs him into a corner - no dice. Backed into anothe corner - Tazz STILL holding on - Tazz adds the body scissors - Show fading fast - on his knee - referee "Blind" Mike Chioda checks the arm - no, Show up - and falls backwards, squashing Tazz. 1, 2, 3. (1:33) Wow, I think they succeeded in making BOTH men look bad. Bra-VO. Here's your Replay of the ersatz Electric chair. Show is STILL gasping and spitting.
As Christian dotes, Vince is ready to sample the cranberry sauce ("I made it myself!") Napkin applied. "Try the green stuff, it's real pilgrim!" Vince doesn't hear that one. "Come in - I hope this is gonna be good. Kurt!" "I am ready, Mr. McMahon, I'm ready! The Undertaker doesn't wanna thank me? Ho ho - I'm gonna BEAT a thank you out of him, that's what I'm gonna do! And I'm gonna show every one of these ingrates in this arena here tonight what Thanksgiving's all about!" "I'M thankful, Kurt!" "Shut up!" "That is an Olympic Hero." "Mr. McMahon, you wanted to see me?" "I do indeed, Mr. Regal, ummm - would you excuse me, please?" "Yeah, sure - I'll get the cider for real this time." "William, if you don't mind...having a seat." "Why, thank you." "Umm....listen, this really doesn't look all that appetizing, and besides that, I have a favour to ask of you." Regal recoils in horror. "No, I mean not like last Monday, this is a different kind of favour. But this is what I'd like you to do for me tonight. I'd like you to..." and he whispers in his ear. WHY? Oh yeah, the camera, RIGHT. "What? You want me to do--" "I'm SERIOUS." "Yes I can do that. And I can do it bloody well." "Hahahaha - oh this is gonna be a GREAT Thanksgiving! Where the hell's my cider..."
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Hey, let's throw some MORE crap into the gravy bowl!
KURT ANGLE (with SAP transmitido en espanol - and SmackDown! is brought to you by Foot Locker, truth, and Edge - not the wrestler, the shaving cream) v. AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME (on his Beautiful Titan Bike, with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) - this could be a good match - lockup, Angle begs off - Taker backs up - and hits a back elbow. Soupbone, soupbone. Into the opposite corner, back elbow up by Angle to block - right, right, right, right, right, off the ropes but into a clothesline from Taker. Off the ropes - legdrop!! Taker shakes his head - he ain't done. Arm wringer...shoulder drive. Another shoulder. Another crank on the arm - Angle cranks back - Taker back - to the hammerlock - Angle counters with a fireman's carry. Armdrag by Angle, another armdrag, woow! - but into the big boot by Taker. 1, 2, Angle kicks out. Taker don't cotton to this mat stuff. Angle slides out - Taker lets himself out and starts to follow. Cole says "AWA" and "NWA." Angle with a dropkick through the ropes before he can come back in - and follows out. Right, right, head off the commentary table,"Angle sux" chant is strong. Back elbow by Taker to turn it around. Scoop...but Angle goes down the back and shoves Taker into the post! Angle back in - and back out. Taker put back in, Angle follows, knee into the midsection. Kick. Elbow to the back of the head. Right, stomp, shoved into the corner, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck. Angle firmly in control - referee "Blind" Tim White orders the break. That's Taker's opening - soupbone, soupbone, soupbone...winding up but Angle ducks - GERMAN SUPLEX! Angle holds on - TWO! Still holding the waistlock - THREE! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!! Angle clamps on the headlock. Taker STILL has his bandana on. Lawler sneaks in a plug for Angle's book - good on him. Taker to his knees - soupbone, left, soupbone, left soupbone left soupbone - uppercut - the bandana's off! Into the ropes, Taker ducks, Taker with a flying clothesline - for 2! Head to the buckle - Angle put into the opposite corner - follow lariat - whipped across the ring again - another big clothesline by the Reaper. Up on the shoulder - Snake Eyes - running big boot...MISSES and Taker crotches himself. Angle with the Olympic Slam attempt - no - Taker with a CHOKE - but Angle drops into ANOTHER armdrag takeover - and there's the ANGLELOCK!! Taker yells out in pain but shakes his head when White asks if he's giving it up. Taker crawls to the ropes...but Angle pulls him back!! Taker isn't moving - now on his knees AGAIN - trying to power out - back on one foot - and rolling Angle over to break the hold! Angle runs back in - but is caught in the choke - CHOKESLAM! But Taker's knee buckles - the anklelock has done the damage. White starts the ten count - up to five - Taker steps on his bad leg to try to get the feeling back - limps over to Angle, trying to crawl out of the ring - stopped him - pulling him back by his leg - and it's TAKER with an anklelock! Angle is feeling it...but crawls to the ropes - and makes it. Taker refuses to break the hold!! White is livid - here comes THE ASS with a chair - Taker lets go and turns to face Vince...who stops dead in his tracks. Taker gives another "lover scorned" look to Vince...slowly grabs the chair away from Vince (who gulps) - tosses the chair aside - "all I want...is respect." And he walks away. Play his music! (Call it...no contest? 9:14?) Taker back on his bike and drives off as Vince...smiles. Angle is plum confused. Taker raises his arm in the Black Power salute at the top of the ramp.
William Regal is WALKING!
The Lugz Boot of the Week is brought to you by - wait for it - Lugz! From RAW, William Regal joins the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club - and the boot is...um....the boot....
A creme pie is added to the gravy bowl. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE
KISS ASSMAN makes his way down to the ring. Crowd helpfully chants "Kiss my ass." "Seeing as though it is Thanksgiving here in America...I thought I'd let you know that I am very thankful for certain things. Firstly, I'm very thankful that I am proudly British and not one of you Americans. And I am also very thankful for the fact that on Monday night, I had the *honour* to get in this ring, get on my knees, and kiss Mr. McMahon's backside. Now, I am thankfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation - and don't you jeer at me because you know each and every single one of you would have done the exact same thing. Given the opportunity, you would have all done the same thing, the only...you're just all jealous because I did it better than any of you could have possibly done it. I would like to call out here now a man who is responsible for the outcome of Survivor Series. A man who I hold personally responsible for what happened to me, and a man who besmirched Mr. McMahon last Monday night, Stone Cold Steve Austin, get your miserable carcass down to this ring right now! Come on, you useless swine, get down to the bloody ring right now! He obviously can't hear you, get down to the ring you pathetic pillock, get down here right now!" STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN walks to the ring - is Regal's nose bleeding ALREADY? There's one corner - there's two - there's three - and that corner makes four. Let the "What?" chants commence! "I'm glad you've decided to show up because there's something I got to bloody well talk to you--" Austin takes the mic away from him. "You wanted to say something to me face to face?" "Yes I bloody well--" "What?" "I wanted to speak to you about the other day--" "What?" "At Survivor Series, you know exactly well--" "What?" "I said, at Survivor Series--" "What?" "No, okay this time I know since you gotta get it off your chest, I know you're fumin' inside." Austin catches a whiff of something and puts a black hanky to his face. "I'm sorry, but it smells like crap in here. Now what did you wanna say to me?" "Now will you take this bloody sa--" "What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I brought you something. I brought you something. (Beep beep). I brought you a gift." Austin has Regal hold the mic while he goes into his pocket. "Stuff this gum and candy and all this crap in your mouth, please. Go on, put it in your mouth." Regal throws them forcefully out of the ring. "No no, hold on, hold on, don't open your mouth 'cause it smells worse. Here, maybe that won't work, I got something else. Here you go...these are the Altoids, they're made in Great Britain. Here, put some in." Regal slaps *them* away. "What? What? What? What?" Austin produces some Red Man. "Go ahead, knock it outta my hands. Knock it outta my hands, I dare ya." Regal tries - Austin pulls it away. "Ah ha ha!" Then he turn serious. "Let me ask you a question you little mealy-mouth (beep). Mmmm. It smells like you just ate the ass end out of a skunk, my friend. Did that feel good? What? Kissin' Vince McMahon's ass, did you like that?" "What d'you mean, did I like it?" "If you think this is the asskissin'est sum(beep) you ever saw, gimme a hell yeah! What? What? Did you like that? Because you 'n' me got something in common, believe it or not. As far as asses go, you're in the Kiss Ass Club, and I'm in the Whoop Ass Club. Do you under--" "You listen to me for a second! If it wasn't for you being outsmarted by Vince McMahon and Kurt Angle, I wouldn't have had to get down on my bloody knees and kiss his bloody arse. D'you hear me? You horrible little toad! If it wasn't for you, G-OHHH" KICK WHAM STUNNER here. Austin punches away until D-VON DUDLEY tries to make the save - BUBBA RAY also gets rights. CHRISTIAN joins - TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST is in and the numbers finally take over. In post-production, Cole reminds us that Austin has no friends to make the save for him. Regal pulls the others off so HE can lay in some lefts of his own. Austin manages a dobule leg on Regal - so the other four join back in to turn the tide. 3D (Dudley Death Drop)! YES Regal's nose is bleeding! Regal Stretch for good measure. Vince and Angle look on. Angle: "This is MY vengeance..." Play Regal's MIDI file!
MOMENTS AGO! Reread the previous paragraph - where was Rob van Dam?
Vince congratulates the five. "William Regal! A job well done!" There's a hug. "To reward you - Christian! Tonight, you get a shot at your brother's intercontinental title. And later tonight, oh yes, how good will it be - the Rock and RVD against the Dudleyz." "Oh testify!" "Gentlemen, I've got to say I know you were all in the Alliance, but as far as I'm concerned....now you're all family!" Handshakes for the Dudleyz - and another hug for Regal.
STACY KEIBLER v. TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL in the Gravy Bowl Invitational for the Women's championship - time now for the SLASHWRESTLING.COM FLASHBACK:
IVORY v. JACQUELINE in the Turkey Bowl Match - in which a giant vat of mushroom gravy is involved. Your special referee is MISS KITTY. Jacqueline looks tremendously happy to be here. Ivory with the snapmare into the gravy! Jacqueline with a suplex in the gravy! Scoop slam in the gravy! Facebuster in the gravy! Does it matter who does what? Jacqueline with a DDT in the gravy! 1, 2, 3! (1:08) And not a moment too soon. Kitty presents a lovely "golden ladle" trophy to commemorate the occasion. Ivory, taking umbrage with Kitty's refereeing job, mashes her face into the gravy - Kitty comes up breathless. The EMT'S are at the ready - one Heimlech later, a mushroom flies out of her throat and she can breathe again. Ivory, apparently unhappy that Kitty didn't die, strips the blonde EMT of her uniform (prompting the ever-ready Lawler to remark "Lookit those giblets!"), then brings her into the gravy. Well, now we've finally seen 'em. Are you happy?
Keibler takes a seat at the nearby buffet table and instead suggests they grab a bite before the match. King: "Did you say 'elaborate spread?'" Keibler throws a handful of creme at Trish - and laughs - well, here's our yearly food fight. Pitcher of cider over Stacy. They spend too long looking for something else to use, and Trish decides to just slap her instead. Stacy slaps back. Face full of mashed potatoes in the face by Trish - Stratus on the table - Stacy mashed into the cranberry sauce Jell-O thing. Stacy with some cranberries in the hair - then runs her across the table and into the chair (that looks PAINFUL) - they near the gravy bowl - Trish with a savate kick - here comes the WOW Catapult and WE HAVE GRAVY. Quick camera cuts are unable to mask THE WORST CATAPULT EVER. Trish in - I think the bell should ring here but it doesn't. Trish with a ...takedown. I guess. CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT dunk dunk ass ass fireman's carry into double leg slam, camel (toe) clutch...and Stacy (sorta) taps (1:00) and that's it, I'm outta here. Of course, referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas takes the traditional post-match dunking.
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That ad - I tell ya.
Matt Hardy is, how you say, obsessing, watching Jeff Hardy go for the swanton bomb off the cage instead of going down to win the titles. Lita tells him she's turning it off because he's seen it a thousand times and nothing's gonna change. Matt can't understand why Jeff would take such a stupid risk. Jeff comes in, complete with ice pack. He won't know when he can come back until he goes in again tomorrow. "Matt, I know I've said this a million times, and I just wanna say it one more - I'm sorry. Umm, I just couldn't resist." Matt says even he HAD hit the move, man, all he had to do was climb down and the titles were theirs to win. Jeff tries to apologise again, but Matt says he didn't make a mistake; he made a choice, a selfish choice - and that choice cost them the most important tag team match in the history of the business. Matt did what was best for the team - but he was only interested in making the highlight reel. Lita steps in and says if he wants to talk about bad decisions, he needs to talk about them. Leave it to the woman.... "Are you inferring I'M making selfish choices?" "Yeah, in our relationship." "What have I done wrong? I haven't done anything wrong!" "You haven't done anything wrong? Where do I begin?" Oh man, typical woman. "You don't even act like the same person anymore!" Sheesh! Matt tries to blurt out his lines as fast as he can lest he forget them (not very convincing), basically asking why she's trying to turn this around into HIS lap (yeah, go boy!) and maybe she's trying to say she's made a bad decision being with him? "No, Matt....but sometimes there are more important things in life than being in the ring, okay? More important things like family. More important things like us...and being in love." And she runs away. What a WOMAN thing to do! "Lita! Hey..." Matt glares at Jeff and goes after her. Jeff EMOTES and throws down his ice pack! He just wants a young boy, DAMMIT!
Meanwhile, a smirking Chris Jericho exits from behind the door with the MR. McMAHON placard on it. OH NO HE PISSED IN HIS TEA SOMEBODY GET TO VINCE AND TELL HIM!!!!!!! Amazingly, three seconds pass before a commentator uses the word "ego" in connection with Jericho
"SmackDown!: Just Bring It" ad #2
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRISTIAN (with VEN GEA NCE is presented by LUGZ!) v. KING EDGE - Is it just me or does Christian have kinda like a limp going here? Methinks this'll be a short match. Did you know one of the continents on the IC title is *Antarctica*? I mean, has ANYBODY EVER wrestled THERE?!? I guess if you're gonna put all seven continents on there...well, wait, that's like the entire world, right? Makes the title seem...oh wait, they're starting. Nose to nose - shove by Christian, shove by Edge, right, right, right puts him down. Hiptoss by Edge. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Knockdown off the ropes. Into the ropes, Christian goes behind, but Edge counters into his Slop Drop for 2. Edge going for Christian Tomokaze (!) but Christian shoves him out - gutshot by Christian, going for the Edgecution - but Edge hits the Downward Spiral (sez Cole, me: "huh?") for 2. Christian with a knee - right, into the ropes is reversed and Edge hits Snake Eyes on Christian. Oh oh, I don't like where referee "Blind" Mike Chioda is standing...sure enough, Christian evades the SPEAR - but Chioda actually LEAPS OUT OF THE RING to ALSO miss - and Edge ends up shouldering the post. Man, lookit Chioda fly! Anyway, with Chioda outside temporarily - Christian kicks a GIGANTIC lowblow - reverse Slop Drop - 1, 2, NO! Christian argues the count - cover - 1, 2, NO! Christian is beside himself. Christian outside - and got the chair. Ohhhh this isn't smart. Swing and a miss - Edge pops the chair into Christian's head. Chioda tells him not to use the chair, but it's quickly a moot point as TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST is out to punk out Edge from behind (DQ 2:01) - right hand by Test, into the ropes, Wotsitolla Boot DUCKED and Edge spears Christian on the rebound - but Test lands his boot immediately afterwards. Christian rousted, the chair is moved into place - Unprettier onto the chair by Christian! Play his music! Test adds the badmouth as well.
UP NEXT: The Rock & Rob van Dam vs. the Dudley Boyz for the tag team championship!
The JVC Blast of the Night is brought to you by the JVC GigaTube! From RAW, Vince tries to award Kurt Angle the WWF Championship, but Ric Flair shows up and reveals that he bought Shane and Stephanie's shares oh so long ago
POINTS TO SELF and THE ROCK v. DUDLEY BOYZ for the tag team championship - Lawler fails to acknowledge that van Dam was his former tag team partner in the WWF. It should be noted that just as Edge came out with only one belt, so too did the Dudleyz only come out with one belt apiece. Before the match begins (and before the tag team title graphic is displayed), MR. McMAHON asks for the music to be cut. "Before this match, before this match officially begins, Rock, I don't think that you and RVD will have a problem, I don't think my business partner will have a problem, if the Dudleyz have a tag team partner and we make this a handicap match..."
ROB VAN DAM & THE ROCK v. DUDLEY BOYZ and CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Rock decides to walk up the ramp and meet Jericho - right, right, right, pose, right, double leg, mount, punching away until Bubba Ray saves. Rock rolled into the ring and the bell sounds - referee "Blind" Earl Hebner breaks up D-Von and van Dam so Bubba Ray and Rock can be legal - snap suplex by Dudley. D-Von takes over - right, right. Right, block - Rock right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, kick by D-Von...but Rock comes back with a clothesline. Tag to van Dam - held open for the superkick. Right, kick, right, right by Dudley, right by van Dam, into the ropes, reversed, van Dam ducks but D-Von hits the jumpin' back elbow. Tag to Bubba Ray - van Dam held open for the right. Overhand right, right. Jericho almost crawled to the corner by now. In the corner hard, open-handed slap. Right. Right to the kidney, right to the jaw, double underhook into a throw. Kick between the shoulderblades. Right hand. Dudley firmly into control - into the ropes, hiptoss countered when van Dam lands on his feet - ducks a punch and lands a heel kick. Vaulted to the top - big crossbody lands - 1, 2, Bubba kicks out. Tag to the Rock after putting his head to Rock's boot - Rock right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Jericho from behind - Rock turns around and gives HIM a right to put him on the floor - but Bubba hits a big clothesline when Rock turns back. Jericho wants the tag - and he'll get it - Rock held open for the kick. Jericho with a right as Bubba holds the full nelson - right, right, off the ropes (does Jericho still have a limp?) with a clothesline. Mount, right, right, right, right, in the corner, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick - Rock comes back - right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, D-Von into the back, back elbow by Jericho, off the ropes with an elbowdrop, cover, 1. Tag to D-Von - right, choke on the second rope. Right - whip is reversed, Rock with the belly-to-belly toss. Rock crawls to van Dam - tag! Kick by van Dam, right, right, ducks a right, dropkick, into the ropes, Viscera kick. Bubba Ray in without a tag - van Dam ducks the swing, Bubba ducks the heel kick so van Dam legsweeps him. Free shot for Jericho to take him off the apron, Rolling Thunder on Bubba Ray - scoop - and a slam for D-Von - jumps to the top but Jericho shoves him off the top before he can hit it - crotched on top. Rock distracts Hebner while Bubba Ray hits the scoop slam...so D-Von can hit the headbutt to the graun. Cover - 1, 2, no. Forearm in the back by D-Von. Tag to Jericho - knife-edge chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. Right, into the opposite corner, but van Dam puts the boot up - Jericho ducks the swing - BIG release German suplex! 1, 2, no. Tag to Bubba Ray - right by Jericho, right by Dudley, right by Jericho, right, Dudley takes over - right, into the ropes, biiiig back body drop. Off the ropes, wacky elbowdrop, another old school elbowdrop, double sledge to the heart - but STILL van Dam kicks out. Tag to D-Von - into the ropes, double flapjack turns into a double over-the-shoulder powerbomb (eek!) when van Dam decides "hey, I'll just fold up my body here" - 1, 2, no. Right by D-Von, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right...van Dam is on the apron. Dudley pulls him back in - right hand. Scoop...and a slam. D-Von going out and going up - oh man, I don't feel good about this - swandive headbutt...MISSES! van Dam towards the Rock - no, Dudley has the boot - enzuigiri releases D-Von's grip! D-Von tags Bubba Ray - van Dam tags Rock! Block, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, flying clothesline! Gutshot, DDT for D-Von - Samoan Drop for Bubba Ray - Jericho brought in the hard way - right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Jericho flies outside - and clutches his knee. D-Von tossed over the top to the outside - spinebuster for Bubba Ray - and here comes that People's Elbow. Leg is hooked - 1, Jericho breaks it up! Jericho yells for the tag - Bubba Ray crawls over and does it! But Rock nips up - spinebuster for Jericho....into the Sharpshooter!! D-Von breaks THAT up. van Dam in with a Viscera on D-Von - and a no-hands somersault tope onto Bubba Ray! Rock lays in wait for Jericho to get up...but doesn't see D-Von behind him - or doesn't he? ROCK BOTTOM!! Unfortunately, Rock opens himself up for an uppernut by Jericho - JERICHO WITH ROCK BOTTOM!!!! 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!! You can call him a no-good, cheatin' egomaniac, but don't forget to add that he's a WINNER! (9:29) Jericho smells it - do you smell it? No, not Jericho's "massive ego" - the SmackDown! credits! Our time is up - Happy Thanksgiving and be thankful it's OVAH!
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