What do you MEAN, you're urinating nitrogen today? U P N - Thursday!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG-DLV - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: Go read the RAW report - and imagine what it's like if they mute out every utterance of the word "ass" - that's your set of clips

Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

PYRO! From the Allstate Arena in Chicago, IL 6.12.1 (taped 4.12) and SAP transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network AND The Score, THIS...is WWF SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: The Rock & Stone Cold team up to take on Kurt Angle & Chris Jericho! WOW - they just saved me the cost of a house show ticket! Thanks, WWF! Let's not waste any more time, as after all Ven gea nce is only THREE days away...

KING EDGE (with Rob Zombie CD cover & Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW and KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT v. WILLIAM REGAL and DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley) - Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda actually does a big frisk job to make sure Regal has no knux on him - holy crap, somebody's FINALLY thinking out there! Heels storm the ring en masse and Katie needs to bar that door 'cause we're all the way out to Pier Six here. Show tosses Bubba Ray, Kane clotheslines out D-Von and we're down to two in the ring - Regal into the corner, Edge backdrops him out. Right, into the ropes is reversed, D-Von grabs the hair and pulls Edge down, Regal with the knockdown - and the tag to D-Von. Right by Dudley, right, right, right, right, right, right. Right to the back of the head. Right. Choke on the second rope. Tag to Bubba Ray. Into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Dudley with the elbowdrop, elbowdrop, double axehandle - 1, 2, no. Right hand, into the ropes, Edge ducks the clothesline, DOUBLE clothesline and both men go down. Tag to D-Von - tag to Kane! Kane with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, back body drop for Bubba Ray, clothesline for D-Von, clothesline for Bubba Ray, clothesline for Regal...outside, up to the top, and down with the flying clothesline to Regal - but the Dudleyz have numbers and the chance to strike from behind - they take over. Free shot to shove Show to the floor. Double clothesline by Kane is ducked - THEY double clothesline Kane to the outside, but not before Edge takes the blind tag. Regal gives Edge a running kick, though, and he doesn't make it into the ring. Show HAS made it back in - forearm to Regal's back - clotheslines to Bubba Ray, then to D-Von - looks like Stacy just passed the knux to Regal, and now she's on the apron wigglin' her ass in Show's direction..but also eye to eye with Kane, who shocks her through the ropes and into the ring - landing at Show's feet! Show gives a "me like" face, puts her over his knee, hikes her skirt, licks his hand (!) and goes for the...but JUST before the spanking can commence, the Dudleyz are back in to make the save. Into the ropes - double flapjack (!) and Show is down - Kane in with uppercuts to both Dudleyz - Bubba Ray into the corner, but he gets the elbow up. 3D (Dudley Death Drop) for Kane! Show back in - clothesline for D-Von, ahhhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAM for Bubba Ray - and now REGAL is back in - loaded left hand TIMBERRRRRRR and Show is down. Edge back in - SPEAR for Regal! Edge ducks a swing from D-Von - gutshot - Edgecution - 1, 2, 3! BOTH MEN WERE LEGAL OWWWWWW HAVE MERCY CHIODA FOR REF OF THE YEAR (3:38)

Backstage and outside we go - Kurt Angle, distraught, paces about outside the arena. "Where the heck is he?" Finally a limousine pulls up...it's Vince. Angle, understandibly, is much relieved. "Kurt!" "Mr. McMahon, thank God you made it." "What, did you think I wasn't gonna show up here tonight? Did you think for one moment that I was gonna let you forfeit your opportunity to be the Undisputed champion this Sunday?" A jet flies overhead - or was it the Hurricane? "Well, no...but, but...I wanted to apologise for last Monday night. It wasn't my fault...it was Stone Cold's fault! It was Stone Cold's fault." "I understand that, and believe me, I've got big plans for Austin later on tonight." "Hey, speaking of plans, you know how you're supposed to kiss the Rock's behind tonight? Well, I have a major--" "Whoa whoa whoa...we're not goin' with your plans tonight - we're goin' with my plans - and I know this is suppose to be the night I kiss the Rock's behind, but don't be surprised by the time this night is over that the Rock is not puckering right on up to my keister himself." "All right." "How's that sound?" "Let's get to work." "Oh, it's true." "Oh, it's true!" "Yeah!"

Jakks Pacific's WWF RealSounds Arena ad

Look! It's the Allstate Arena! It's in good hands! WOW!

Let Us Take You Back to RAW, where the Hardyz...exploded!

EARLIER TODAY! this conversation took place in the locker room twixt Jeff and Matt: "Hey man, I hear that you have a hardcore title match tonight with RVD." "Yeah, what about it?" "Well, what about it, I mean, Matt, I'm a little confused. What about you telling me not to even compete in singles matches? What about you talking about us being the best WWF tag team?" "We are." "I mean, what about all that, Matt?" "What about it, I think I detect a little bit of ah, jealousy in your voice, Jeff. I think you're jealous that I've got a title match tonight. Actually, it's just a warmup match for our match at Ven gea nce, and by the way that you've been performing recently in the ring, it might not be a bad idea if *you* had some sorta warmup match." "Oh. All right, cool. You know what, Matt? I hope you go out there, I hope you beat RVD tonight." "Yeah, I will." "'cause then at Ven gea nce, I'm not only gonna beat you, I'm gonna leave...the hardcore champion." "Yeah? Well, I guess you're saying that Lita - MY Lita - the Special Referee for the match, is gonna be seein' things your way? That what you're thinking?" "Matt, if she was seein' things your way...then where is she tonight?" Jeff walks off - and Matt's smile slowly morphs into a sneer.

Back to here and now, as Vince has finished laying it out for Angle. Too bad we weren't listening to them earlier - we could pushed this Hardy clip to later and everything! "So those are the plans, those are the plans for later on tonight, Kurt." "Oh, I think they're tremendous! Stone Cold won't see it coming! He's gonna get what he deserves." "You damn right." "And as far as plans for the Rock are concerned, what I.....you don't, you don't look so good. You feeling all right?" "Ah, it's been a rough coupla days." "You haven't been gettin' any sleep, huh. 'cause I haven't, thinking about, you know - what's gonna happen. But, you - your voice is hoarse." "Yeah, it's just a throat (gimmit?)" "Cold, something like that? You know, what...I got some throat lozenges. Pop one in there." "Thanks, Kurt." "You're welcome!" "Good." "You know, me being an Olympic Gold Medalist, I was trying to put myself in your shoes about what's gonna happen tonight, you know, what was supposed to happen. You know, I can't imagine being Mr. McMahon right now, having to go in that ring, in front of twenty thousand fans...let alone the millions and millions watching out there, I mean - the whole world's gonna be watchin', and you're supposed to get on your knees, and the Rock's gonna drop his drawers and his...*buttocks* is gonna be sticking out, and you're gonna kiss his rear end, I mean OH MY G--" Vince spits out the lozenge. "As far as the Rock is concerned, you wanna know the plans for the Rock tonight?" "Yeah!" "I think you're gonna like this." Damn, they keep going to break just when we get to the good bits!

Catch the WWF live! Saturday, San Jose! Sunday is Ven gea nce in San Diego! RAW is Anaheim, and Tuesday is Bakersfield!

Man, you sure can tell when it's a TV-PG show, can't you? "Keister!" "Buttocks!" "Rear end!" "BUTT!"

AND...how come TNN can air the "fuck" but has to pixellate out the boobies?

The Boot of the Week is brought to you by Lugz! Fro RAW, Rob van Dam manages to get the duke over Christian with the Fivestar.

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: POINTS TO SELF (with SmackDown! is brought to you by truth, Gundam, and EA Sports' Madden 2002!) v. MATT HARDY - Lockup, side headlock by Hardy, powered out, shoulderblock - off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by van Dam, Hardy drops down and van Dam backflips over him - gutshot, into the ropes, head down, swinging neckbreaker by Hardy. "Hardcore!" he shouts. Outside for the ladder...van Dam tries to take it from him - Hardy on the apron, eats a right, but leaps down and seesaws the ladder into van Dam's jaw - he ends up leaping over the top and landing on the floor. van Dam back up, trying again to take control of the ladder - Hardy runs the ropes and attempts to baseball slide the ladder, and totally misses - but van Dam's a trooper and sells like it worked anyway. van Dam up the ramp - Hardy outside - ladder to the gut! Another ladder in the ribs. They're at the top of the stage now - Hardy tosses the ladder but van Dam ducks it - and van Dam bulldogs him onto the ladder! van Dam goes behind the curtain - and throws out a garbage can and chair - then rolls a STEEL case out into Hardy - he rides it ALMOST to the edge but van Dam stops it - he climbs up, points to himself, then drops the leg across the back of the head - 1, 2, Hardy kicks out. van Dam sets up the ladder while Hardy grabs the can - THUMP. Hardy puts van Dam in between the legs of the ladder and closes it on him. Hardy climbs the case - then cannonballs the ladder (very gently) - 1, 2, shoulder up! "RVD" chant. Hardy stands up the ladder, then grabs the chair. Up two - three rungs - leaps off, but van Dam catches him with a van Daminator! Matt's STUPID. Cover - 1, 2, 3. (3:58) Post-match, AWESOMETAKER comes out and pops van Dam from behind in mid pose - soupbone! Head to the "broken glass" paneling of the set - and again! Taker grabs the ladder - ladder DEEP into the gut...Taker stands tall, smirks...and then *points to himself!* Play "Rollin'!"

Ven gea nce ad

Triple H is guesting on Mad TV Saturday - don'cha dare miss it! Well, unless you wanted to watch "Excess."

"As I was sayin'...by the way, these throat lozenges you gave me? They're really good - I'm feeling better already." "Great, hey you know I bought 'em at the drug store today." "I'm feeling better about our plans...you know, and especially the double whammy - first we take out the Rock tonight, and then...we take out Stone Cold." "Rock and Austin, double whammy tonight! You know what? This Sunday, I'm gonna have my double whammy - I'm gonna take out Austin 1, 2, 3 - and then I'm gonna beat the winner of Rock and Jericho and become the Undisputed World Champion, my dream." "But back to things at hand tonight, what if tonight when I'm out there with Rock, what if I take this throat lozenge...and instead of using it as a throat lozenge, I use it as a suppository on the Rock!" Angle lets loose with the hysterics..."That's a good one, Mr. McMahon! You're funny!" ...commentators will be quick to tell us Angle's kissin' butt. Tell us ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES.

SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & ALBERT 2..... ALBERT v. THE NARCISSIteST and CHRISTIAN - Strange to see Earl Hebner in THIS match...? Hotty and Christian start - check that, Christian immediately tags out - Test wanted it - Hotty ducks, right, right, knee by Test, thrown into the corner, right, back elbow, right, back elbow, going for another back elbow but Hebner stands in front of Hotty - ohhhh THAT'S why he's out there. Test spends too much time arguing...Hotty on the second rope - missile dropkick lands - 1, 2, kicked out with authority. Right by Hotty, right, whip is reversed, Christian from behind, ducks Hotty's swing and clamps on a full nelson...Test runs at him for the boot, but Hotty stops him with HIS boot - then elbows Christian, stun gun, and shoves a charging Test into Christian, knocking him to the floor - but Test comes back with a clothesline. Right, right, right. Head to the buckle. Right, back elbow, right, back elbow, right, right, right, right, and AGAIN breaking to take issue with Hebner's enforcement of the rules. All that does is provide recovery time for Hotty - OH NO HEBNER POINTED TO THE WWF PATCH ON HIS SHIRT!! Right by Test, right, right, more arguing with Hebner. Test advancing again on Hotty out on the apron - Hotty with a headbutt through the ropes, back over the ropes to try the sunset flip...Test hanging onto the topes - Hebner kicks them away - 1, 2, no! Test clotheslines Hotty down and then REALLY gets in Hebner's face. Hebner hightails it to the ropes, but *still* points to his WWF patch. Back to Hotty - into the corner - but he gets the elbow up! Hotty ducks a clothesline and uncorks a superkick! Say, there are other people in this match...maybe they'll get the tag? YES! Tag to Albret! Clothesline for Test, shoulderblock for Christian, ducks a swing from Test, left, left, dancing, right. Christian runs at him - double leg - Giant Swing!! Three rotations only - then knocks down Test. Scotty in - do si do yaaaaaaavalanche on Test - and a cross-corner splash for Christian. Christian outside, Albert out after him, leaving Scotty to notice Test's predicament, make the "I'm going to bulldog him" face, then bulldog him, get jiggy, W, O, R, M, but just before the karate chop, Christian gets him in the back, sets up the Unprettier...but Hotty shoves him into Albert, and a BALDOBOMB! But Test is back in - Wotsitolla Boot to Hotty! Wotsitolla Boot for Albert! Hotty's leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (3:47) THEN TEST WOTSITOLLA BOOTS HEBNER!!! Yeah! Now THAT is how a man with IMMUNITY acts!

Look! The Rock! The Rock is WALKING! He makes sure the camera follows him as he walks away...then lifts his shirt to point to his bum for our benefit.

The WWF Smack of the Night is brought to you by EA Sports! From RAW, the ending of the main event, showing just why Vince has to get smoochy later

THQ's "WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It" for the PlayStation 2 ad

You're watching....UPN!

MOMENTS AGO! Test made merry with his mighty boot - I wonder if this'll go somewhere?

As THE ROCK (with SAP transmitido en espanol & TV-PG-DLV boxes) hits the ring, perhaps NOW we'll find out why we've had so damn many damn long ad breaks in the first "hour" (fifty minutes, really) - this segment'll probably end up being a real lulu. Rock pauses before speaking to unleash his rather Page-esque smile. "FINALLY the Rock HAS COME BACK to Chicaw-go! Now before tonight's tag match, before the Rock goes into Ven gea nce and becomes the Undisputed Champion this Sunday night...before all that, the Rock has got some serious business to take care of, right here in Chi-town! Now Chicago is known for a lot of things - known as the Windy Sssssssscity...known for the - first-place Bears (fuck you, Rock! The Pack RULES! And I hope to God we prove it on Sunday!) ... [we see BRIAN URLACHER in the crowd - fuck you, Brian! We NEED a win on Sunday! I can say "we" 'cause I own ONE share, by the way] - and now Chicago will also be known as the site where Vince McMahon got down on his knees and kissed some ass! And it will be done...In This Very Ring!" THE BUTT (I can't POSSIBLY say "ass" - it's still the first hour, after all...even if Rock doesn't know it - and even if I've already dropped the f-bomb twice in this paragraph, hmmmmm) makes his entrance at this point. Vince RIPS the mic from Rock's hand. Strangely, Vince is *also* smiling broadly - Rock hasn't stopped. Crowd chants "ass hole" but gets muffled out with some other crowd noise. "Now let me get this straight...you expect to humiliate me, Rock? Let me get this straight - you expect me to come out to this ring and...YOU belittle ME, Rock? ["Ass hole!"] I'd like to remind you of a couple of things. My name is Vince McMahon. And I'm a certified billionaire. That means I can buy and sell you and everybody in this arena over and over - and a man of my distinction, no no no...a man of my distinction, I don't kiss ass - much less, the People's Ass. So you see, Rock - in a few moments, what's gonna happen, Rock, is...you're gonna pucker up, okay? In a few moments, Rock, that's right, in a few moments, you're gonna apologise to me, Rock. In a few moments, Rock, you're probably gonna wish--" "What?" "I said..." Austin's on the video screens! "What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Vince if you think that you weren't gonna kiss somebody's ass tonight...what? Is that what you thought? Did you think Kurt Angle was gonna run down and save the day? Did you think Kurt Angle was gonna be a big hero? Did you think Kurt Angle was that special? It's a funny thing - Stone Cold Steve Austin just kicked the crap outta yer little backup plan! What? Oh - oh - oh.." Camera pulls back to see Angle crumpled in a heap on the floor. Austin goes back to work on him. "What what what what what what what what" and back to stomping. "You know what, Vince?" Austin consults his watch - more stomping. "Stone Cold Steve Austin came here tonight to make sure that you were gonna kiss somebody's ass. What? What? Do you understand me? Vince, if you come back up this ramp, Stone Cold Steve Austin will be waitin' right here to deal out some of these knuckle sammiches. If you wanna see - if you wanna see Vince McMahon kiss somebody's ass, gimme a hell yeah!" Sammiches? Man, where's Undertaker when you need him? Rock repossesses HIS stick. "Rock E!" "Oh it sure SUCKS to be you tonight, doesn't it Vince? Now where was the Rock..." But NOW we're interrupted by the music...and eventual entrance of THE MAN! "Woooo! Hey - hey - hey partner! What's up tonight? Plan A didn't work...just in case there's a Plan B, if anybody tries to interfere in this tonight, they're suspended. Woooo!" And just like that, with his music playing again, he takes off. Well so much for My Undertaker, I guess. Good job by the people normally leaving those plot holes open, that. (So why damn them with faint praise?) Oh...well, sorry again, then. "Well there's really only one thing left to say. Vince...get down on your knees." Vince shakes his head - he ain't gonna do it. "Come on." Wait - the jacket's off... "Come on...it's okay. You can do it. Come on. THE ROCK SAID GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!" *That* puts him down. "And now...the moment we've all been waiting for...the Rock is gonna turn around...and now it's time for the People's Ass." The camera zooms in (ugh) - gets the standard hilarious reaction from Vince - SKIN! SKIN! (we don't see it, mercifully) Vince (get ready) gulps....but Rock lifts his warmups back up....but then exposes his OTHER cheek. And then he pulls his warmups back up again. "You know what, Vince? Your lips are not good enough to kiss the People's Ass." Vince seems relieved he might get out of this after all. "Oh, you look so happy. Why are you so happy? Just because you're not gonna kiss the Rock's ass does not mean you are not gonna be kissing...ass tonight! No no no, your lips aren't good enough for this - you trust the Rock on this one, Vince...the ass you're gonna kiss is gonna be a SLOBBAKNOCKA." The OU fight theme leads out LARRY KING, who's deep into finger-wagging mode all the way to the ring - then slaps his rump for our benefit. Bark bark bark! "Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah. Jim Ross, Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon, Jim Ross. You guys know each other very well. And last week, you looked so good in Jim Ross' hat, so Jim Ross, why don't you put your cowboy hat on Vince McMahon tonight." Ross makes a big show of it. "Yeah, how's that feel, Tex? You like that, Jim Ross? You put a little barbecue sauce on that booty tonight?" Ross goes for his belt... "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa!" Thank GOD. "Vince...you're not gonna kiss Jim Ross' ass, no no no no no, no no. The Rock has something else in mind. Jim Ross, Jim Ross, go take a seat over at the announce position, take your cowboy hat off Tex - Rock's got a plan - Rock's got a plan - Vince McMahon, you're gonna like this. You're gonna love kissin' this ass, because the real ass you're gonna kiss is gonna give you nothing but Stratussssssfaction..." TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL walks out - and Vince perks right up. Ross joins the commentary team but hasn't said anything worth nothing. "Well now the Rock TOLD you you were gonna like to kiss this ass tonight. You like that? The Rock's not a bad guy. You want some ChapStick?" Vince eagerly puts it on. "Turn around, Trish...turn around." Whoop whoop! Stratus shows thong (we don't see it, mercifully) Vince licks his lips... "Well what are you waiting for, Vince? Go kiss that ass!" Vince moves in...but Rock puts a hand in the way to stop him. "Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa! What in the blue hell do you think you're doing, you sick fffffffreak? No no no. The Rock's just got another plan. That's not the ass you're gonna kiss. Trish, go take a seat over there by the announce position. As nice as that ass is, that's not the one you're gonna kiss, because now the time has come. The jokes are over, the games are over! You're not gonna kiss the Rock's ass, you're not gonna kiss Jim Ross' ass. You're not gonna kiss Trish's ass. There is one ass that the Rock has chosen essssspecially for you." Some oddly familiar music hits...it's the return of RIKASHMONEY! Hey, the Rock's finally paying him back for running down Austin for him! Vince tries to stand up and get outta there...so Rock gives him ROCK BOTTOM! Rock holds up Vince - Rikishi with a self-imposed wedgie - a Stinkface - and great, some special fart sfx by Lawler. "The Rock says: on behalf of the millions...the Vince McMahon Kiss Your Ass club is officially closed IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLALALOOOOOOW what the Rock is cookin'!" Well, why not: let's give it a replay! At least....at least they kept it under twenty minutes...

Here's your weekly look at Times Square - and a reminder that you can watch Ven gea nce at WWF New York on Sunday!

MOMENTS AGO! Rikishi backed it up - give it two angles, but make 'em both WIDE

CRASH (almost already in the ring) v. JACQUELINE (with special onsale announcement for DC's LIVE SmackDown!) - Cole runs down how this match came about, saying in essence that the vignette they'd taped either (a) sucked or (b) had to be cut to fit in the asskissin' segment. Jackie took exception to Crash wishing Trish luck back on Monday, and Crash said something about it only being a girl's match, and said she was acting all gay about it, and then he probably said something unkind about black chicks, and then.....no, no, he probably didn't do any of that. Anyway, here we go: Lockup, gobehind by Crash, Jackie elbows out - chop, into the ropes, head down, Crash with a hairpull takedown. Stepover big ol' hairpull. Another yank on the weave. Referee "Why Does He Have a Job?" Charles Robinson forces a break. Big suplex by Crash for 2. Hooks the leg, again gets 2. Scoop...and a slam. Cole suggests Crash is taking this match lightly. Crash up to the top...Jackie walks over and crotches him - Crash falls into the Tree of Woe, and Jackie winds up for a big dropkick to the...hip. Right, right, ducks a swing, rollup, 2. Jackie climbs up to the shoulders and manages a victory roll for 2. Right, into the ropes is reversed, but Jackie gets the gutshot - Crash tries to counter the DDT but Jackie counters back and hits it - 1, 2, no! Off the ropes - Jackie leaps up but Crash counters - Jackie with a body scissors roll up but Crash rolls her over AND grabs the tights - 1, 2, 3! (2:13) Jackie takes umbrage at the decision - Crash denies pulling the tights, then piefaces her down when she continues. She pops back up and throws a big forearm smash that knocks him to the mat. Play her music! Doesn't this make you want to order Ven gea nce and watch Jacqueline take on Trish Stratus? ....doesn't it?

Angle on the cel: "Mr. McMahon! Oh...thank God I caught you. You know, I don't blame you for leaving...I mean, the sight of it, I'll never forget it! You knelt down and your face buried in Rikishi's ass, oh my--!" Angle has to pull the phone away from the yelling ont he other end. "Mr. McMahon...listen, I'll - I'll make it up to you. This Sunday, I'm gonna become the Undisputed Champion of the....hello? Hello.....?"

RealSounds Arena ad #2

"Just Bring It" ad #2

Commentators shill "Roswell"

Hey look, Booker T is skulking about backstage! He knocks on the door marked "Mr. McMahon" - "Come on in!" "Hey what's up, Vi--" but that's Ric Flair inside eating Vince's vegetables! "Hey Booker, man, what's up?" "Hey what's up, Ric man." "How you doin'?" "Hey man, what's happening, man? I'm looking for Vince, man, I gotta talk to Vince, I gotta meet him." "He's not here." "You understand, I need to talk to him, the way..." "He's gone...and uh, you know, I own 50% of the company, you got a problem...or an issue with the company, you can talk to me. I'm available." "Well you know, I need to talk to Vince, because see, me and Vince, we got something in common. You know we both hate Stone Cold Steve Austin's guts to the core, and I need to talk to him so I can get my job back, you know what I'm saying?" "Yeah, well...you might say that he got rear-ended." "Rear-ended?" "Yeah he's not gon' be here the rest of the evening. But speaking of rear-ended...was that you I saw driving down that driveway Monday night in Stone Cold's truck? That you?" "You saw that, huh?" "Yeah!" "It was real smooth how I did - bzz bzz bzz - c'mon, baby. Hey, we had a-- hey man, it was all good, man, just went down to the hood, had a little joyride, let some of the brothers hang out a little bit, you know what I'm saying, I brought it back to him, man, it was all good." "You had a good time, huh?" "Hey man - I just need to talk to Vince, though, man. About gettin' my job back." "Well, you know Vince isn't here like I said...and I'm not lookin' at applications tonight...and I'm not hiring tonight." "You didn't say that. Tell me you didn't just say that." "I'm not hirin' tonight. Woowoo! Now, adios. See ya." Flair holds out the fist but gets no luv. "All right...that's cool."

Meanwhile, in the APA offices, Undertaker walks by - and feels four eyes looking at him. He turns back. "Is there a reason why you two are eyeballing me?" "Don't you think you owe us just a bit of an explanation there, uh, Dead Man?" Taker tosses a beer can aside. "No." "Wrong answer. You see, outta this whole company, we are the two people you DO owe an explanation to. Let me give you a little history lesson, you have obviously forgotten. When you were fightin' for the WWF title, WE were the ones, when you stepped in the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin, that were watchin' YER back. When you were out ridin' on the dark side, we were the ones that rode with ya and watched YER back. Now you're walking around here like the whole damn universe revolves around your ass." "Hey, and no matter what, who was always there for you, man? It was us. Now everyone that was loyal to you, you slapped in the face. And who was more loyal to you than us?" "And that biker boy (inaudible) we're beginning to take this personal!" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, you guys just need to calm down just a little bit. Now I ain't slapped anybody in the face, 'cause if I'da slapped anybody in the face, you two'd be sittin' here crying like a couple little babies. Oh, so what, now you now gonna respect me now. I guess you two think JR didn't get what he had coming. I guess you think JR's better than me. And the way the two of you are acting...I think you two think you're better than me. Now boys, you're taking this thing WAY too personal. And you're getting all up here in my face - if you wanna take this thing to the next level, I'm on my way to the ring right now. You get it together, son, and I'll show you what it means to respect someone...even if I gotta beat it outta ya." "Let's dance." "Yeah." Goody, they're gonna DANCE!!

Don't worry, fans - right after we left for the ad break, I think Faarooq probably must have said "Damn."

ACOLYTE BRADSHAW (with WWF.com streaming video ad) v. AWESOMETAKER (on his Beautiful Titan Bike) - Boot by Taker, into the corner, back elbow, soupbone, into the oppostite corner, but Bradshaw gets the elbow up. Gutshot by Bradshaw - right, right, whip is reversed but Bradshaw hits the shoulderblock. Right, right, elbow, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, follow clothesline, strange swinging neckbreaker, elbowdrop, 1, 2, no. Taker wants to stop and talk...but it's all a ploy to sucker him in, as he grabs Bradshaw and pulls him through the ropes to the outside. Soupbone is blocked - Bradshaw with a right - scoops him up on his shoulder...but Taker breaks free and shoves him into the ringpost - then clotheslines him on the bounce. Bradshwa put back on that apron - Taker with an elbow to the heart - and one more. Taker back in - soupbone - left - soupbone - Bradshaw out on his feet - Taker off the ropes - big boot up by Bradshaw! Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, cover, 1, 2, no. Elbow by Bradshaw - Taker put into the ropes, head down so Taker DDT's him. Referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count...meanwhile, ACOLYTE FAAROOQ is out - and climbing on Taker's ride!! Bradshaw ducks a clothesline and clotheslines Taker over and out - and he notices what's going on with the bike. Before he can go after him, Bradshaw hits him from behind and puts him back in the ring. Into the corner is reversed, Bradshaw slips out - off the ropes but Taker lands the big boot. Got him in the choke - CHOKESLAM! 1, 2, 3! (5:19) Sadly, Bradshaw did not perform a fallaway slam in this match. Taker quickly walks up the ramp to reclaim his ride...but no sooner does he get there than POINTS TO SELF surprises him, waffling him with a chair! van Dam - YES - points to himself! Play HIS music!

"WWF Desire: Steve Austin" rerun

SHARMELL SULLIVAN stands backstage with Chris Jericho. "Didn't fare well against Austin? Who says I didn't fare well against Austin? You? Is that your opinion, Sharmell? Did I let you know? Did I not live up to your lofty expectations? Do you know how I feel knowing that I disappointed you? I feel NOTHING - because YOU are NOTHING. And your opinion means the same to me as all the people out there - it's worthless. The only person's opinion that matters is mine - Chris Jericho - and it's my opinion that you should sit still and shut up, and see how I fare against Rock and Austin tonight. And it's my opinion that at Ven gea nce, I'm going to walk away the Undisputed Champion, and I'm going to further cement my status as a true, larger than life...living legend. And I'm going to become the biggest star in World Wrestling Federation history - the biggest they've ever, ever, ever seen." If Sharmell keeps her brow furrowed like that, she's gonna get crow's feet!!!

UP NEXT: Austin & Rock vs. Angle & Jericho!

Ven gea nce ad #2

Did you know the theme from Ven gea nce is Drowing Pool's "Sinner?" Well, gosh, NOW you do!

MR. JERICHO and KURT ANGLE (with Ven gea nce is presented by LUGZ - in just under three days!) v. THE ROCK and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - WHEN WEBSITES COLLIDE! Angle's still suffering from his earlier beatdown...at least during his walk from the curtain to halfway down the ramp. Rock decides to rush the ring early because he's stupid, and gets tangled in a doubleteam stompdown until the sound of breaking glass brings out Austin. Angle tries to meet him, as Rock and Jericho head outside -block, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, KICK WHAM STUNNER! 1, 2, Jericho manages the save - and stomps Austin. Then he drags Angle to the corner and commands him to tag him. Jericho is SMART. Austin meets HIM, though - right, right, right, cross-corner whip and Jericho hits sternum-first - death suplex attempt but Jericho backflips and lands on his feet - but Austin hits a lariat. 1, 2, no. Austin drops the hammer - head to the buckle, again, double leg, WOW catapult into the turnbuckle, lariat, double leg...he's going for the Walls of Austin!! But his back is to Angle - and he comes in to knock him down with a clothesline in the back. Angle heads back to his corner, turning HIS back to Austin - so he shoves him through the ropes to the floor. Here's a tag to the Rock - held open for a right, right, right, right, Jericho tries to escape but Rock pulls him back in - off the ropes, Jericho ducks, Jericho with the flying jalapeno! Jericho with a dropkick...and a tag. Held open for a kick. Angle right, right, right, right, chop, chop, chop, and taking issue with referee "Blind" Tim White's insistence that he get him out of the corner. That's just enough time - Rock switches positions - chop, chop, chop, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Rock comes out with a lariat. Belly-to-belly throw! Austin's boot up - Angle's head into it. Tag. Rock holds him for a kick. Austin with a chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed and Jericho hits Austin from behind - Angle sets up a belly-to-belly but Austin gouges the eyes to break free. Angle ducks the swing and grabs the waistlock - Austin elbows out of THAT. KICK WHAM Angle shoves Austin away - he collides with Jericho, sending him to the floor...and Angle finally hits that belly-to-belly. Austin's head meets the buckle, right, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Tag to Jericho - Angle holds him for the right hand, right, Jericho shuffling, right, off the ropes, big forearm. Chop, chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. White pulls him out of the corner - and that's enough to allow Austin to hit a spear (GOOOOOOOLD BERRRRRRG) - right right right right right right right. Off the ropes, Jericho ducks, Austin goes for the Austin press but Jericho has that scouted - shoves him to the mat - and has both legs, turning to the Walls of Jericho! Rock quickly runs in to break THAT up. Both men are down and White starts the count. At 6, Angle gets the tag...and he roars like a freight train to shove Rock off the apron. He turns back to Austin, though and gets tagged - right, right, right, double bird, KICK is CAUGHT and Angle wrenches the leg around and ends up with the ANGLELOCK!! Outside the ring, Jericho runs Rock into the ringpost - he ain't saving Austin THIS time. Austin feels the pain...but tries to crawl to the ropes. Austin reaching - reaching - needs one more step - GETS IT! Angle won't let go...and now Jericho drags Austin back to the centre of the ring! Angle KEEPS the anklelock applied - now Rock is FINALLY back up and clotheslines Angle down - but has the damage already been done? Jericho screams for the tag - Rock is reaching as well. Tag to Jericho, HOT TAG TO ROCK! Rock with a lariat, right, into the ropes is reversed, but Rock flies with the clothesline! Angle brought in the hard way - right, right, gestures, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT! Jericho tries a clothesline, but Rock ducks and he ends up taking out his own partner, Angle! Rock with a gutshot DDT for Jericho - 1, 2, Angle JUST breaks it up! Austin in - right hand puts Angle out and Austin is out after him - chop, chop, chop, meanwhile Jericho manages an uppernut on Rock while White wasn't watching. JERICHO WITH ROCK BOTTOM!! 1, 2, Austin makes the save with a double axehandle! Angle back in and AGAIN Angle and Austin are outside - back in the ring it's Jericho - right, right, right, into the ropes, revesred by the Rock, spinebuster...into the Sharpshooter! Angle can't help him as Austin has his legs...and JERICHO TAPS!! (8:01) Post-match, Angle hits the ring and throws a tantrum about his partner tapping out - he picks up Jericho - OLYMPIC SLAM ON JERICHO!!! Angle leaves the ring. THEN, and I couldn't believe it myself, Tim White gives Jericho a BIG SPLASH! And THEN a hot dog vendor hops the barricade and gives Jericho a MOONSAULT! And THEN Yokozuna comes back from the dead and gives Jericho a BANZAI DROP! And finally, Vampiro - yes, even Vampiro comes out...and spikes Jericho with the NAIL IN THE COFFIN. Man, when *Vampiro* makes you his bitch....and that's the end of THAT chapter! But let's look back in the ring...Austin has two beers...and meets Rock in the middle of the ring. Austin offers a Bud...Rock takes it...two men, two belts, two beers...three toasts. Rock toasts the WWF Championship, while Austin toasts the World Championship...then they click beers. Play Austin's music and hit the credits - we'll see you Sanday in Sun Diego...by God, it'll be...VENGEFUL!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling