MY RESOLUTION TO YOU: More SmackDown! reports actually appearing ON Fridays, again - starting NEXT week (or is it THIS week? Oy)

UPN! Thursday!

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

The closed captioned logo on the opening credits is beautiful, people!

PYRO AWAY and so's 2001 - coming to you from the TD Waterhouse Centre in Orlando, FL and SAP transmitido en espnaol on UPN & the Score 27.12.1 (taped Kim's Birthday 2001) - THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: The Rock teams with Rob van Dam to take on Kurt Angle & Lance Storm!

TONIGHT: Stone Cold takes on Booker T and the Boss Man in a handicap match! But first...

DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Dudley - and Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. SPIKE DUDLEY and TAZZZZZZZZZZ in a nontitle match - KMAX is giving away motocross tix to people who register for the contest during SmackDown! I'm not doubting the *existence* of a crossover audience between the WWF and the IFMA, but I'm definitely not a part of it. Pier Four to start - Spike takes a trip outside while D-Von continues on Tazz - into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. "Who's da man?" Tag to Bubba Ray - held for the pounch - right, overhand forearm, into the ropes, clotheslien ducked - one-arm takeover by Tazz (aka "judo throw" from Cole), right, right, tag to Spike, kick, kick, kick. Spike runs his face across the top rope, climbs up for the Ten Punch Count Along, then takes him over with a Frankensteiner. Headbutt to the gut. Stacy on the apron for no good reason - Spike does his Bushwhacker impersonation on her booty. There's D-Von with a stun gun, Bubba Ray with a big slam, two punches and a 2 count. Spike comes back with forearms - off the ropes - sunset flip ain't happening, but Spike evades the buttdrop. Unfortunately, he runs into a monkey flip that takes him all the way across the ring. Stomp, stomp. Sent into the ringpost. Hard whip into the opposite corner, sternum first. Free shot for Tazz. Forearm in the back. Positioned in the corner - Vaderbomb MISSES as Spike rolls away. Both men are down and referee "Blind" Brian Webber puts on the count. tag to D-Von, HOT TAG TO TAZZ! Clothesline! Clothesline! Northern Lights Tazzplex. Bubba Ray in - T-Bon Tazzplex for him. Head and arm Tazzplex for D-Von. Bubba Ray trying to climb up - THAT NEVER WORKS - so Tazz tosses him. Right hand by Tazz, D-Von reverses the whip, but Tazz clotheslines out as Spike makes a blind tag - and hits PERRO AGUAYO! for 2. Spike right, into the ropes, Bubba Ray in, Spike ducks the clothesline and D-Von eats it! Dudley 'dog attempt on Bubba is tossed - Tazz in with the Tazzmission on Bubba Ray as Spike grabs D-Von - DUDLEY 'DOG! Spike covers D-Von - 1, 2, 3! (4:13) What an upset for Tazz & Spike - does that make them #1 Contenders, you think?

Mr. McMahon happens upon Chad Patton and Perry Saturn (who isn't bleaching his facial hair any more). McMahon sends Patton to tell Flair that he better find a way to make his monitor work, as he's about to go out and address the crowd. For Saturn....a handshake - hey, thanks for showing up tonight, Perry!

THQ's "SmackDown! Just Bring It" ad - man, I thought Christmas was DONE

Catch the WWF Live next week in Washington for live SmackDown!, Binghamton, Springfield, and Trenton!

Hey, he wasn't lying - BILLIONAIRE VINCE is out to address the crowd. Maybe we'll get the announcement of the Royal Rumble main event? "No Chance in Hell." "Well now I know that some of you have been upset with me....I said I know you've been upset with me over this past year with some of the decisions I've made, and some of my antics and things of that nature, I understand that, but you know what? This is the holiday season - and as such, I'm no different than all of you. We're all FILLED with the holiday spirit! I said, we're all FILLED with the holiday spirit! Cut that crap out. Now any forward-thinking individual is gonna be contemplating at this time of the year, is gonna be contemplating the new year. And as such, a forward-thinking individual would be making New Year's Resolutions. So therefore, I'd like to share with you some of my New Year's resolutions. I HATE that word. I hate it! You're being rude! Dammit, stop it!" HAHAHAHA Vince is LEAVING THE RING! AWESOME. Vince is halfway up the ramp...but deciding he'd give them what for, and goes *back* to the ring. "Now then, before I was so rudely interrupted...I'd like to share with you my New Year's resolutions. I (Vince McMahon) resolve in the year two thousand and two, to be a little more tolerant of the mistakes of others, to be more patient of the less intelligent (points to the crowd) - to be more understanding of the financially challenged (keeps pointing). I (Vince McMahon) resolve to be even more POWERFUL than I have ever--" "Woooo!" begins the music, and it looks like he's to be rudely interrupted once again - by THE MAN. The long entrance is skipped over by me. "SHUT UP. On behalf of the entire wrestling world....one of the resolutions we'd like you to make this year is that you will NOT come out here, week after week, continuously making an (beep) of yourself." "Now, look...I know why you came out here and interrupted me. Let me tell you this - you go too far, I will embarrass you in front of every single person here in this arena - I will knock you on your (beep)." "I am going to...take one moment from my life, and one moment from their life, and I'm gonna explain to them why I haven't already knocked you on yours, okay? You mentioned the word 'tolerant' a while ago, the reason I'm so tolerant of you, and it needs to be said for the whole world to hear, is because you know...my story. You know that in 1988, I was having all kinds of problems in the NWA - you called me on the phone, and you said 'Ric Flair, we want you in the World Wrestling Federation.' You know what my answer was? You know what it was - I said 'Vince McMahon, I'm NWA all the way,' as a matter of fact, I was at Eddie Graham Sports Arena the next night - defending the National Wrestling Alliance. So I turned down your offer. A year later, I called you back on the phone - a beaten man. Knowing that I had nowhere to go, knowin' that they had killed my self-confidence, knowin' that I wanted only one more chance to go to work for you. You know what you said to me? You said 'If ya got it, bring it,' and I did. And you know what you did? The next month, I found myself at the Survivor Series with Hulk Hogan, the Undertaker, Roddy Piper, Ted DiBiase...Jake the Snake, all the STARS of the World Wrestling Federation. You made me part of the family. It couldn't get any better. Then you know what you did? You put me in the Royal Rumble. And I wrestled for one hour, and at the end of that hour, I was the World Wrestling Federation champion. The most coveted trophy in sports - I knew it, you knew it, I used to walk out on TV every week sayin' 'NWA is it' - I lied, I had a job. I always knew you guys were gettin' bigger - and I was proud to be there...and I walked into that room with tears in my eyes, and I said 'thank you so very much for giving me this opportunity in life.' THEN, when it couldn't get any better, you called me to say 'Ric Flair, you're in the main event at WrestleMania! Against the Macho Man Randy Savage!' I walk in there, 75,000 people - the biggest sporting event in the world! My mother, my father, my wife, all four of my children there to see me - in the main event at WrestleMania. Win lose or draw, I had made it as high as you can possibly go in life. It was unbelievable. It was so good that I stayed 'til everybody was gone. Watched my mom and dad, my wife, my kids get in the limousine, drive off, and then I walked down that hallway towards my locker room to shower. And I saw you, and you said 'Hey, Ric - come here, I need to talk to you.' And I knew you were gonna say 'Ric, you're the greatest wrestler of all time, that was AWESOME, man!' Guess what. You remember what you said to me? You said to me 'Every time you get this close to greatness, you do something *stupid* - and take a step backwards.' So for all that you've given me, and God only knows you put my feet back on earth in 1991, I have always wanted to ask you one question. WHO ARE YOU TO EVER TELL ME HOW TO WRESTLE? I'M RIC FLAIR! YOU'RE VINCE McMAHON--" Off comes the jacket. "Who are you? Who are you to ever tell me how to wrestle a match? You might be the greatest promoter of all time, but you will NEVER talk down to Ric Flair about wrestling!" Flair is beet red. "I am SO sick of you placing yourself right there like God almighty - YER NOT - even my own KID, my thirteen year old says 'Dad, I saw Mr. McMahon on TV, he's buffed, he's jakked, Dad, he's cool' - WHAAAT? How do you think I feel having my thirteen year old kid, knowin' who I am, telling me you're buffed - it don't work! So guess what! Just to see where I stood in this great company of ours, I went through all the contracts, and I happened to pull one that reads 'Vince McMahon - Owner Slash Wrestler.' That means you're double dippin'. And it also means that you're gonna wrestle at the Royal Rumble. ONE ON ONE." "Then who's got the balls to step into the ring with me?" "The next guy that knocks you on your (beep)!" SLAP! Vince goes down TIMBERRRR. "The Nature Boy Ric Flair! Woooo! Woooo!" And off he goes.

"Best of the WWF 2001 Viewer's Choice" ad - it airs MONDAY!

Okay then, so why did Flair put McMahon in the figure four, if.......ohhhh my head

No, they didn't HAVE to have *two* "Grand Theft Auto III" ads in the same ad break...but yeah, they did

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Xbox! From RAW, Tim White tags Test....but ends up eating a big right hand right back - later, Rikishi gives Test the Banzai Drop. And the "Slam" in question? Why, obviously it's

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRISTIAN v. RIKASHMONEY - Champ enters first because, after all, it's *only* that Euro title on the line. Christian forearms away from behind to start - right, right, right, right, Rikishi right, right knocking him down, right, into the ropes, big back body drop. Right hand. Into the ropes, going for the superkick but Christan hangs onto the ropes. Right hand ducked - Rikishi catches Christian in a BELLY-to-belly. Right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, sunset flip attempt - naw - but Christian evades the big butt drop. Modified Slop Drop gets 2. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Right, right, right, right - off the ropes but Rikishi catches him with a right. Right. Right. Scooped up on the shoulder...going for the Rikishi Driver (?!?) but Christian breaks free and goes down the back - right hand, off the ropes...but into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi slaps his butt - fat ass splash in the corner! Christian flumps down...Rikishi spies him there and commences to raise the roof - only THE NARCISSIteST is out - 'kishi out to meet him - right, right, right, right, right, meanwhile Christian is keeping close watch on referee "Blind" Mike Chioda's count - and, wouldn't ya know it, they both get to 10 as 'kishi puts Test into the STEEL steps. Champ retains. (COR 2:27) Wow, you get the feeling that somebody on the writing staff "discovered" this great NEW ending called the countout and they liked it SO much that they started making sure they used it ONCE A SHOW-- well, perhaps I'm exaggerating. Still, you get the idear. 'kishi hits the ring - ducks a belt shot - RIKISHIKICK!! And now Christian takes a stinkface for Canada. Test hits the ring and delivers Wotsitolla Boot to even things up. Play his music!

To the locker room we go. It's Kurt! "Lance! I just wanted to tell you how psyched I am to have you as a partner tonight. Man, Rock and RVD won't know what hit 'em." "I agree. But Kurt, listen. I don't merely wanna beat these guys - I wanna annihilate them. Everybody's talking about how charismatic and cool Rock and RVD are, but I think these guys are overrated." "Oh, please, Lance! You want to talk abou charismatic? NO ONE is more charismatic than you. Especially not RVD. Go on - flash that award-winning smile of yours." "Very well." Storm points to his face - which hasn't changed at all. "WOW! Tom Cruise, eat your heart out." "Thanks, Kurt, but might I add...you're way cooler than the Rock." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Check this out. I saw someone on the street do it." Angle busts a move - well, maybe a quarter of a move. "Wow. That is cool." "You know it. Now let's go out here in Orlando - let's beat the Rock and RVD so bad, they'll be more useless than Grant Hill. Oh it's true."

Jakks Pacific's WWF RealSounds Arena ad

While Christian tries to wash up - "I can still taste it!" - he hears laughter from afar. He finds the source - it's Funaki. "Something funny, huh?" "You have a stinky face!" "You know something? I know what you're trying to do. I know what you're trying to do and you're not gonna bring me down, 'cause I'm gonna celebrate my win over Rikishi. That's right - I just beat Rikishi! When have you ever had a win that big, huh? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought. Not only am I the champion of Europe, I'm a virtual giant killer. So long, loser." "So long, horse's (beep)."

EARLIER TODAY! From poolside, Chris Jericho sipped a fruity concoction, and delivered this old school promo: "Hey! A special holiday message from the Undisputed Champion Chris Jericho to all of you, the WWF fans...and my fans as well. I hope that you all had a VERY MERRY Christmas. You see, even though Mr. McMahon was kind enough to give me the day off, I wouldn't dream about forgetting about you people....the little people. I wouldn't dream of depriving you of your Thursday night dose of Y2J. You see, I know you've all had to go back to your unsatisfying, low paying jobs. I know you've all had to stand in long lines to return a bunch of crappy Christmas gifts that you never even wanted in the first place, but I can't relate to that, because I got everything I ever wanted this Christmas. I became the Undisputed Champion this holiday season, and I cemented my status as a true living legend. Now I've heard all of the fan remarks, 'how could Chris Jericho call himself a living legend? That is an insult to all the true living legends like Ric Flair.' Hahaha - Ric Flair? Living legend? At this stage in Flair's life, he should worry about just LIVING, period. And besides, what has he done to be called a living legend? Huh? Has he ever won an Undisputed Championship? Ahahahahahahaha I don't think so. He's never beaten the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin one by one, singlehandedly, on the exact same night. Mmm? He's never successfully defended his Undisputed Championship against the Big Show, or Kurt Angle, or Rob van Dam, or the Rock, or Steve Austin within a three week period, successfully, I might add? Mm? You see, I don't call myself a living legend because it looks good on a T-shirt, or because it's a catchy phrase, uh uh. I call myself a living legend because it's the truth, and I deserve it. Let's look at the facts. Undisputed Champion. The only man in history to be a tag team champion, a hardcore champion, a European champion, a intercontinental champion, and a WWF champion, don't believe me? Look it up. You know what the best thing is? That means that I'm BETTER than all the rest. And that means that I'm BETTER than all of you. This is only the beginning. 'cause it's just gonna keep on gettin' better and better AND BETTER AND BET-TER! Just like me. Happy Holidays!"

UP NEXT: Rock & van Dam vs. Angle & Storm!

And now, the Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From RAW, van Dam and Storm set up a match, have a match, and don't use any boots at all as van Dam wins with a Fivestar frog splash.

KURT ANGLE (with SAP transmitido en espanol & TV-PG-DLV) and LANCE STORM v. POINTS TO SELF and THE ROCK - Pot/Kettle/Black comment of the week from Cole: "They could be in Revenge of the Nerds, Part VIII!" Rock and Angle have quite a few words for each other - Rock finally holds up a hand for Angle to Just Bring It to. Angle is *livid* but Storm convinces him that HE should start against Rock - probably due to the fact that he holds a victory of him or something. Anyway, we've got Storm and Rock and YES the opening bell has dingéd. Rock tries going for Angle, who hops to the floor - that's a tactical error - Storm quickly on Rock from behind with a forearm. Another elbow. Right hand, right, right - into the ropes, but Rock comes off with a flying clothesline. Storm put into the corner, head down, Storm kicks. Storm off the ropes - into the Samoan Drop and Rock gets 2. Arm wringer, forearm in the back - Storm revereses back and yanks and cranks - wants to tag Angle but Rock pulls him back - Rock counters back into the arm wringer of his own, then holds a wristlock and drags Storm over, daring Angle to tag him now. Angle shirks, so Rock decides to walk Storm over to his own corner and tag van Dam instead. Kick by van Dam. Right, right, right, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, van Dam flips up and over, tumbling run into a crossbody for 2. Storm with a jawbreaker to turn it around - NICE dropkick. Tag to Angle. Right, right, right, right, right, badmouthing the Rock, chop, pointing to Rock again, righr, right, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Angle gets the elbow up. But Angle runs into a heel kick - van Dam gets 1. Arm wringer - Rock wants the tag - van Dam kick - okay, here's the tag! Rock right, right, whip is reversed, Storm lowers the bridge and Rock goes outside, tumbling into the commentary table! KMAX crawls another motocross ticket announcement. Again, for some reason I'm not compelled to call up and give 'em my digits. Angle outside - grabs Rock and drops him ribs-first onto the table again. Angle taunts van Dam while Storm rolls Rock back in. Angle with a stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, pausing briefly to say Not Nice things. Big chop! Set up for ANOTHER chop. Whip out - when Rock tries a reversal, Angle pulls him back to the original corner instead. Reverse double leg takedown - right into the Anglelock! van Dam comes in with a big boot to break it up. While referee "Blind" Earl Hebner puts van Dam back, Angle gives Rock a big boot of his own - right in the stones. Tag to Storm. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Rock kicks out. Storm tries again - another near fall. Knee, knee, into the ropes is reversed, Storm slides under, but Rock blocks the punch and lands one of his own. Again Rock lands "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine." Right hand. Off the ropes - but Angle clocks him in the back of the head as he hits the ropes. Rock turns round, misses, Angle with a stun gun, Storm with a clothesline. Storm tags Angle, who's feeling much better about facing the Rock all of a sudden. Right hand. "Ang Gull Sux!" chant fires up again. Angle right, right, into the ropes, caught - belly-to-belly suplex! Angle tells Storm he'll give him one more. Into the ropes - caught - belly-to-belly again! Angle holds up two fingers and tells us he'll be here all week. Right hand. Will he try it again? Yep - Rock reverses - Rock with the belly-to-belly throw! I think Rock's finally got him scouted. Both men are down and Hebner puts on the count. Up to 5 - HOT TAG TO VAN DAM! Kick, right, right, into the ropes, Angle reverses, but van Dam hits a Viscera kick! Angle tries a kick - van Dam catches it and responds with the stepover heel kick. Free shot for Storm - backflip press on Angle - 1, 2, kickout! Kick, Angle put into the corner, head to the gut, again, superfluous backflip, Angle jumps over the next headbutt attempt - see where that backflip gets ya? Death suplex attempt but van Dam lands on his feet - superkick by van Dam - vaults to the top - Fivestar frog splash HITS - leg is hooked - 1, 2, Storm fromt he top with a double axehandle to van Dam's head to break it up - MY GOD! VAN DAM PISSED HIS PANTS *AGAIN*!! Both men are down and Rock and Storm each look for a tag - tag to Storm - tag to Rock! "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, reversed back, gutshot, DDT! Angle brought in the hard way - right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Angle goes over the top to the floor. Storm comes in - spinebuster! And it's time for the yadda yadda People's Elbow! Cover - leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (8:40) All this and I STILL have no real idea why these guys are teaming up.

Backstage, Trish Stratus stretches - she wants you to look down her shirt! Women's title on the line NEXT!

"Cocky" is the name of Kid Rock's CD - see? No, here, look.

Oh boy! The outside of the TD Waterhouse Centre! YAY!

WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: TRISH STRATUS - THE FITNESS MODEL (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Lugz, PS2, and Clearasil!) v. MIGHTY MOLLY - Lockup, side headlock by Stratus, grinding it in - Molly reverses to a 2 count. Stratus holds the headlock - Molly tries again for 2 - Stratus STILL has it on - Molly manages to reverse to a wristlock. Stratus down - Stratus up - Molly takes her over, and down again - and again Stratus is back to her feet. Stratus busts out a headscissors takeover (!) and hangs on - now Molly's out. Everybody back up, here we go again. Lockup, side headlock by Molly - forearm to the gut by Stratus to break it up - forearm, sent into the ropes, back body drop, leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Stratus helps her up but Molly breaks it up, chop, chop, into the ropes, head down, kick by Stratus - off the ropes, sunset flip gets Stratus 2. Molly with a clothesline. Big backbreaker across the knee - quick elbowdrop to the small of the back - another quick elbowdrop. Nice snap suplex - 1, 2, kickout. Going for a death suplex, but Stratus lands on her feet. Stratus takes her to the ropes, goes for Stratusfaction but Molly doesn't leave her feet - Stratus manages a sunset flip instead - 1, 2, 3! (2:18) Post-match, JAZZZZZZZZ hits the ring and clotheslines Stratus. Molly tries to come to her assistance, landing a few shots, but Jazz ends up giving her a DDT - and then gives a funny lookin' DDT to Stratus. Wait, she was Alliance (for about ten minutes) - she has no job - where's Security?

In the locker room, Vince pays Undertaker a visit. "Take!" "Hey boss. Hey I was gonna come see you. That Flair thing - you give me the word, I'll take care of that." "Oh he's gonna get his - oh yeah. But....that'll be later, okay? I just wanna say this. I just wanna let you know how much respect that I have for you as of late. With what you did to the Hardyz and Lita...it takes a man to do that. It takes a big man. It takes a bad man." "True." "And tonight, with Tajiri, I know that I'm just gonna have even more respect for you. But one word of caution: Tajiri's manager, Torrie....sometimes she can be a little...intimidating." "Intimidating...is that right." 'taker goes off chuckling - and Vince smiles as well....but still holds his jaw.

WWF Desire takes a Special Video Look at Triple H, who returns 7 January - or hadn't you heard?

Here's a look at WWF New York! It's in the heart of Times Square!

Your hosts are a pair of kings, MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Get down, Rhyno is the Special Guest Sunday on Heat!

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: TAJIRI (with Torrie Samuda) v. AWESOMETAKER (on His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike) - Tajiri is pumped AND psyched for this match - but you get the impression that it would take JUST a bit more than that against the Reaper. Soupbone! Soupbone! Head to the buckle. Back elbow. Taker with a look for Torrie. Tajiri sent into the opposite corner - he manages to get a boot up - duck a soupbone - and go to work. Superkick. Kick. Kick left right kick kick right kick left right kick kick kick left right, right, right, left, kick, kick, Taker's all "aw son" and just grabs two handfuls of throat and changes positions in the corner. I think he's tired of taking punishment tonight. Back elbow! Taker palms Tajiri's scalp - Tajiri manages an overhead kick. Tajiri up top - missile dropkick! 1, 2, no! Stomp by Tajiri. Whip is reversed - Taker comes in and Tajiri jumps over him - he wants the tarantula (!) but Taker isn't inclined - turns back around, boots his gut and puts him down to the floor. Taker out to follow. Head to the STEEL steps. Soupbone! Taker grabs a plastic garbage can and uses it (hey! There was TRASH in that!) Taker gives Tajiri a free trip to the timekeeper's table. Taker going to work on the commentary table, removing the top and the monitors. Chair in hand - point of the chair to the jaw - and to the ribs! Looks like he wants to give him the Last Ride through the commentary table - GREEN MIST puts him down! Tajiri kick! Kick! Metal trashcan found underneath the ring - can to the head! Another can shot! But Taker comes right back - soupbone - knee - hard into the apron and back in the ring. Tajiri tries a dropkick through the ropes but Taker remains on his feet. Tajiri from the apron - no, caught. Taker puts him hard into the ringpost. Running stomp. Tajiri lined up against the barricade - soupbone. Torrie is...unhappy. Tajiri rolled back in the ring and Taker follows. Scoop...small of the back into the corner. Taker Tree of Woes him - running kick. Taker grabs his T-shirt, goes outside, and throttles him. Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick doesn't have much luck getting any mercy from the champion. Taker back in - another look to put Torrie out of sight - grabbing Tajiri by the hair - kick to the head. Goozle! Chokeslam!! Cover - 1, 2, OHHHHHH HE PULLS HIM UP!! Taker tells Torrie she's gonna teach him how to respect somebody. DRAGON SLEEPER!! Tajiri wastes no time tapping out. (6:10) But Taker isn't releasing the hold! Tajiri's arms fall limp - he ain't moving. Torrie PLEADS for him to stop but he won't. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW comes out to see if Taker will try to beat up on someone more his size - but as soon as he enters the ring, Taker goes outside. Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'..... Taker all the way up the ramp - he's sensing a total lack of respect from his former charge. As Taker tells him he should mind his own business, we fade out to the ad break.

Geez, there's WAY too many GTA III ads during this show

Catch the WWF - LIVE! In a week, SmackDown! is live in Washington! Also, Moncton, Fredericton, St. John and MONCTON! MONCTON! I just like saying MONCTON! WE ROCK THE MONCTON COLISEUM!

MOMENTS AGO! Taker choked out Tajiri....then ran away from Big Show. Also moments ago, I typed MONCTON! with great amusement

He's still there! "Undertaker! UNDERTAKER! I said Undertaker! Every time I see you, I see you picking on somebody smaller than you. You're a real tough guy - a real badass. Why don't you try coming out here and picking on somebody your OWN size? Now I've got something bigger, why don't you try coming out here and picking on ME." Wow, he sounds like Giant Gonzales. AWESOMETAKER comes back out and Show promises to bust his ass. Referee "Blind" Mike Sparks hits the ring and it looks like we're gonna get it on...

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. AWESOMETAKER - oops, no. Taker gets on his ride and drives away. (No contest) "Oh let me get this right - you're gonna get on your little motorcycle, put your tail between your legs and ride up the ramp? All you talk about, Undertaker, is respect. Respect me, I need to be respected. Undertaker, I respect you. Here's my New Year's resolution. My New Year's resolution - I'm gonna respectfully kick - your - ass!" "Welllllllll...."

Backstage, Stacy laces up! Billy and Chuck walk by and fail to notice her ass - or do they? - "Hey! Man, I've been needin' some of that." "Excuse me?" "Man, I've been looking for this brand of hairspray for AGES!" "Yeah, it really brings out the highlights in your hair, Bill." "Thanks, Chuck!" "Um, excuse me! That's my hairspray!" "Oh well excuse me, Miss Allhighandmighty - just because you're all Miss Divascalendar." "If WE put out a calendar, we'd sell millions!" "Yeah!" "Ready, Billy?" "Ready, Chuck." "Check this out." "Yeah." "January." They strike a pose. "February." They strike another pose. "March." And they...march. (together) "That was so cool!" Stacy walks off. "Oh, looks like someone's a jealous Judy!" Okay, I THINK we get it. They're GAY, but they're never gonna TELL us. Good thing they're keeping it SUBTLE

Meanwhile, Arn Anderson is chillin' with Flair - he's excited about the Rumble, yeah, and that big Flair/McMahon match. There's a knock at the door - it's (ugh) Stephanie. Arn takes his leave. Curiously, Stephanie is filmed from the waist up, with her left arm covering the area underneath her rack....hmmm, perhaps because SHE'S BIG AS A HORSE GUYS. "Hey, Ric." "How are you?" "Good, thanks." "Long time no see." "It has been a long time." "What's up?" "Well, I uh, I came here to do what we do best - discuss a little business. I have a proposition for you." "Okay, the last one was pretty good." "Well, this is one that you can't refuse." "All right." "I think you should hire me back." "Really." "You need me on your side in this fight against my father." "Really." "Nobody knows my dad better than me. I know how his mind works. I'm his daughter. I'm his flesh and blood. I can really help you out on this one, Ric." "Stephanie, I totally agree with everything you just said. You and your brother know your father better than anybody. That's how we all got to where I'm at right now." "I know him a little better than Shane does." "Okay. Well, I believe that, too. But with all I got goin' on with your dad right now, I'm not hirin' anybody....especially a McMahon. Don't take it personally, right now I'm not hiring ANY McMahons." "You're not hiring any McMahons." "No." "You know, Ric - you might be a very good wrestler, but you're certainly not a very good businessman. As a matter of fact, I think you're incredibly STUPID for *not* hiring a McMahon. What is your - what is your problem? What, you think you can do this without me? You think you stand any chance against my father without me, you know what, you know what, Ric? (laughs) My husband is coming back January 7th, and if you don't hire me back, well there's gonna be some repercussions. And I think you better think a little harder about how you do business...because if you don't do it the right way, it'll come back and BITE you." "You know what? I'll put some serious thought into all that." "You better." "I will." Off she goes....wow, I can't WAIT to see HER again!

RealSounds Arena ad #2

Check out this "SmackDown!" bumper for UPN - Foley's in it, Edge and Christian are together, Undertaker has long hair, Jericho's fully blonde.....MAYBE they should consider redoing these sooner or later

Commentators shill "Roswell"

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KING EDGE (with Rob Zombie CD cover) v. KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT - Champ enters first because he has a cool LUGZ T-shirt to show off. I'm utterly stymied as to why these two fan faves should collide tonight - oh well. Lockup, side headlock by Edge, Kane powers out. Next week: Undertaker/Show for the hardcore title! Edge ducks the swing, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Edge ducks, right, right, right, not having much effect - Kane to the choke - putting him in the corner but Edge gets a boot up - running at Kane, who dumps him on the apron - Edge slides between the legs and clotheslines Kane out. Edge on the apron - running at Kane but he clotheslines him on the floor! Head to the apron by Kane. Kane stays in control - uppercut. Rolled back in the ring - and following him in - big right hand. Pulls him up - head to the buckle - kick, uppercut, right, choke....waiting for 4 from referee "Blind" Teddy Long. Edge into the ropes, head down, Edge with a kick - but Kane is back with a bearhug. Edge punches out...and runs into the big boot from Kane. Kane outside, climbing up - flying clothesline NOT coming up - Edge with a right, right, climbing up after him - going for the superplex but Kane shoves him off, shoving him backwards and crotching him on the top rope! NOW Kane hits the top rope clothesline! CHOKE! But Edge hooks the top rope to counter - gutshot, right hand, right, whip into the corner is reversed - but Edge evades the charge. Kane is right back with a back elbow. Kane comes in - Edge ducks, goes behind and connects with Edgematic! But Kane does a zombie situp. Edge grabs a front face - wants Edgecution but Kane shoves him off - unfortunately, Kane's mask comes loose! Kane drops everything to put his mask back on....allowing Edge to hit the SPEAR and hook the leg for the 1, 2, 3. (3:23) That was kinda unexpected.

Backstage, it's the Boss Man and the Booker Man! "Hey, do you think Austin was surprised when I TURNED his lights out with that chair the other night?" "You know what? That was SWEET." "You know what's even sweeter than that? Vince McMahon's a genius - booking you and me in a match with Stone Cold Steve Austin tonight. Because when it's all said and done, he's the one that's gonna be handiCAPPED." "You know what? Enough of this crap. Let's go straight up - get this sucka!" "Take him out!" "Let's go, Boss!" You know what? Them folks say "you know what" a lot.

UP NEXT: You know what? MONCTON!

"Best of the WWF 2001 Viewer's Choice" ad

"Please Don't Try This At Home" PSA and wwfe parents.com link

BOOKER T (with Royal Rumble is presented by Final Fantasy X!) and BIG BOSSMAN v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a Handicap match - Fear not! Bossman (as they're apparently spelling it now - I'll probably unconsciously stick with "Boss Man") has the same music he had when we last saw him. Boss Man (see?) and Booker waste no time doubleteaming Austin as soon as he hits the ring, despite the efforts of referee "Blind" Tim White to get the match started. Austin manages to turn things around, dumping T over the top to the floor - and White rings the bell to start it - Boss Man reverses a whip and gives Austin a Stun Gun after catching him. Right, right, right. Into the ropes, caught in a spinebuster. Taken to the corner, head to the buckle, tag to T - held for the right, right, forearm, chop, chop, chop, into the ropes, Austin ducks the clothesline - but not the big heel kick. Tag to Boss Man. T holds him for a punch off the ropes - doubleteam. Boss Man with a buttdrop. Kneelift to the head. 1, 2, Austin kicks out. Choke for 3 - another choke. Boss Man picks him up - Austin with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, whip is reversed and Boss Man puts on the bearhug. Austin elbows out - off the ropes - running into a Boss Man back elbow. Boss Man with the trademark slide under the ropes uppercut. Back in for the cover - 1, 2, Austni kicks out. Boss Man to the small of the back - another right to the small of the back. Hard whip into the turnbuckle and I think he's working on his back. Tag to T. *T* with a hard cross-corner whip and again Austin hits back first. One more Irish whip into the corner. T taunts the crowd with a "What?" T lifts him up - "what?" and slaps his face. Austin fires back - right, right, into the ropes, but his head is down - T with a big kick. Tag to Boss Man - forearm across the back, whip into the corner, coming in...but Austin gets the boot up. Right hand - Boss Man with a right - Austin with a right - Boss Man with a right - Austin with a right - Boss Man with an uppercut that puts Austin down. Probably not a good idea to trade punches. So Austin blocks the next one - Austin is SMART! Right hand by Austin rocks Boss Man - but he manages to come off the ropes with a big clothesline to turn it back his way. Austin pulls himself up...and Boss Man dares him. Big right hand - DUCKED - KICK WHAM STUNNER and BOTH men are down! White counts as T reaches desperately in an attempt to make a tag. Up to 6 - 7 - Boss Man crawls - 8 - Austin crawls to nobody - T gets the tag - runs into a clothesline - runs into ANOTHER lariat! T put into the ropes - T ducks - but KICK WHAM STUNNER! 1, 2, Boss Man makes the save!! White and Boss Man have a few words - Boss Man shoves him aside, but as White's back is turned, Austin gets away with an uppernut - right hand slides Boss Man to the outside. Austin turns back - and EATS a Harlem sidekick. T covers and hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3. (6:07) Replay of the finish. Yeah, it's nice that Boss Man's dropped some weight, but he should probably go back to the flak jacket since sweating right through a dress shirt looks a little....well, uncivilised. Austin cracks a smile back at the celebrating men on the ramp. Credits are up and SEE YA NEXT YEAR!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling