UPN - Thursday!

TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

START GAME: Let Us Take You Back to RAW for this set of clips! Starring Triple H as "the Red Baron" and Kurt Angle as "Snoopy"

TRIPLE H RETURNS SMACKDOWN! TONIGHT! Wait - I thought he *already* returned

Backstage, Stephanie shows off her backstage pass to Debra and says....something or other

Closed captioned Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

PYRO away and so are we - coming to you once again from the Great Uncle of them all, Madison Square Garden in New York, NY and SAP transmitido en espanol 10.1.2 (taped 8.1) on UPN and the Score, THIS is WWF SmackDown!

TONIGHT: The ROck & Rob van Dam vs. Test & Chris Jericho!

STEPHANIE IS A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT makes her way down the aisle - THERE is her handle, THERE is her spout. Why are they giving her the mic? "I just could not WAIT to come to this arena tonight to thank all of you for showing my husband the respect that you did Monday night! Triple H isn't even here yet, but I know that I can do whatever I want because THE GAME IS BACK! And I'M the Game's wife. I said I'm the Game's wife! You heard me. Because, you see, without me, without my business savvy and my brains, Triple H never would have been the success he is in the WWF. I'll explain further! Triple H never would have been the four-time WWF Champion without my passion and dedication. Triple H never would have returned to this ring after a career-threatning injury in only eight months without me, his precious wife, by his side! Listen, Triple H appreciates me. He appreciates what I'm capable of. And with me by his side, Triple H will go on to win the Royal Rumble and become the undisputed WWF Champion! See, Triple H does something that none of you people ever have, he appreciates me. He knows that my brains will get him farther than any other WWF superstar has ever gone. You see, I don't think you people understand, so let me explain it to you: Triple H, the Game is BACK in the WWF! And I'm the Game's wife! I point my finger, and Triple H destroys. And nobody in the WWF wants me pointing my finger in their direction, especially not Ric Flair. 'cause, you see, if Flair would have listened to me in the first place, he wouldn't be laying up in bed with a concussion right now. But I believe in second chances, so I hope that Flair understands he doesn't want me pointing at him, because when I point at Flair, believe me, my husband will destroy him. And that goes for any one of you - including all of you!" Four SECURITY DUDES are heading down the ramp, FINALLY, to collect Stephanie. "You don't want me to point in your direction, because Triple H will kick your (butt)es. (edit)You see, the Game is back...and so am I." I wish I could figure out what her point was...and when's Triple H coming back to the WWF already??

Backstage, Christian and Lance Storm are WALKING! "I'm telling you, Lance. I'm telling you, there has never been a better opportunity for you to win gold, and for me to win gold, than tonight. I mean, Tazz and Spike as the tag team champions? Come on! It's a gimme! It's - it's money in the bank, I mean they're gonna be easier to beat here at the Garden than the Knicks...and that's easy." "Yeah...'cause American's suck at hockey." "Yeah, they suck at basketball, too."

The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you through the kind sponsorship of Final Fantasy X! From RAW, Spike and Tazz take down the Dudley Boyz to win the tag team straps

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: TAZZZZZZZZ & SPIKE DUDLEY v. CHRISTIAN & LANCE STORM - these guys need a team name already..hmm. "Short & Skinny?" "Fireplug & Toothpick?" "Tike & Spazz?" Poor Christian, all his pyro is obscured by Tazz' smoke. Pier Four Brawl to start - Spike upends Christian out of the ring, but Storm superkicks Tazz - and Spike sends *Storm* out - climbing up top - there's a splash to the floor - Christian tosses Spike into the steps to turn it back their way. Back in the ring, kick, kick, kick, stomp. Arm wringer, pulled up on the shoulders - over the head - into a gutbuster. Tag to Storm, open kick, stomp, kick to the head, stomp. Into a knee in the gut - fireman's carry - Fit Finlay forward roll gets Storm 2. Head to Christian's boot - tag. Tonight, news of former WWF superstars return for the Royal Rumble, as well as a sitdown interview with Vince McMahon! Knee by Storm, holding Spike for the open shot. Spike comes back with elbows to the gut, but Christian pounds him down again. Into the ropes, Spike ducks the clothesline but takes a knee in the gut. Head to the buckle...and while Christian distracts Tazz (and referee "Blind" Nick Patrick), Storm works a choke. Christian adds punches. Tag to Storm. Head to the buckle, again, shoulder in the gut, shoulder, shoulder, suplex...attempt countered into a rollup - Spike gets 2, but Storm barrels him down again. 1, 2, no. Another gutbuster. "That's your boy, huh? That's your boy!" Tazz ain't happy. Spike shot into the ropes, but he comes out with a headbutt to the gut and both men are down. Tag to Christian...FINALLY a tag to Tazz! Clotheslines all around, clothesline for Christian, head and arm Tazzplex for Storm, T-Bone Tazzplex for Christian, clotheslining Storm out - Christian shoves TAZZ out, but Spike is in from behind - ducks Christian's swing, gutshot, 'dog attempt...blocked. Christian with a gutshot, going for the Christian backbreaker but Tazz is back in - TAZZMISSION! Spike kicks Storm back out of the ring to prevent any interference...and Christian taps! Champs retain. (4:07) The celebration is short, however, as THE DUDLEY BOYZ surprise the champs and lay a beatdown. Champs manage to turn things around, though - Spike gives Bubba Ray a bulldog and Tazz gives D-Von a head-and-arm Tazzplex. Play Spike's music!

Trish Stratus shills organized crime - I mean, Stacker 2

ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: VAL VENIS

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER - so the Royal Rumble list of participants includes Kurt Angle, Steve Austin, Undertaker, Triple H, and...Val Venis. Well

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KING EDGE CAUSES SEIZURES (with SmackDown! is brought to you by "Black Hawk Down," truth, and "Final Fantasy X!") v. BOSSMAN ISHEBIG - still to come, JR interviews Vince McMahon! Lockup, to the corner we go - referee "Blind" Teddy Long wants the break but doesn't get it - Edge shoves him back - right by Bossman, right, and tosses him across the ring. Right, right, right, left, right, right. Blatant choke into blatant hairpull toss. Bossman poses - crowd boos. Running boot. Head to the buckle blocked - Edge puts HIS head in the buckle, elbow, elbow, into the opposite corner is reversed, sidewalk slam (not the Bossman Slam?) turns it around. Punch to the kidneys. Bossman slides under for his trademark punch - I don't think Edge knows that spot. Right hand from Bossman. Back in the ring - Edge fires back - right, right, off the ropes but into a Bossman back elbow - and Bossman covers for 2. Commentators suggest Edge is off due to his brass knuckles shot from Regal Monday. Running kneelift by Bossman. Into the ropes, Edge ducks - crossbody block - CAUGHT - and Bossman drops him into a backbreaker across his knee. Bossman steps into the small of the back - I think he's picked a body part! Bossman has him by the neck - bending him over backwards in the choke...then just shoving him down in an unusual slam. Sent into the corner - Edge manages to get the boot up. Edge coming back - right, right, dropkick, Bossman bounces off the ropes into a Viscera. Edge-o-matic gets 2! Edge off the ropes - oops, into a spinebuster from Bossman. I think he thinks that's it...no, he's outside to grab his nightstick, having apparently forgotten he'd only left it in a corner. Back in the ring and Long's warning him - which ties him up long enough to eat a SPEAR from Edge! Now Edge has the stick - Long convinces him a DQ would be bad, and he drops it. Bossman tries to sneak in, but Edge sidesteps, rams his head into the buckle, gutshot, Edgecution (on the stick), 1, 2, 3!! (3:56) You see how it works? STORM gets ONE minute - BOSSMAN gets FOUR. Regal's on the big screen, though. "Bravo, young man, bravo. Another fine victory. Now I must also congratulate you, Edge, because you did your best to destroy my ruggedly handsome face, and a bloody good job you did of it as well - three separate surgeries I've had to endure - that's a lot of blood that I have lost. And I wonder if you've considered your actions wise - because the blood that flows from my veins is pure, English blood. And if you'd bothered to scholar yourself, you would know that the English were the most barbaric, sadistic, evil, wicked, spiteful (bugger)s that ever walked on this earth, and I am very proud to be one of them. As I've told you before, you gamble with the devil, the devil always wins, and unfortunately for you, sunshine, the devil has come to collect." "Well, thanks a lot, Bill Zebub, but what the hell are you talking about? If you want something, here's a novel idea: speak English!" "You know exactly what I want. At the Royal Rumble, I want a match with you for your intercontinental championship. What do you say, Edge, are you man enough?" "Man enough? I'm not the one running around stuffing things down my pants...in order to win my matches. But you know what, I guess you need those brass knuckles because you definitely don't have a set of brass (testicle)s. So Regal, I accept your challenge at the Rumble, and I hope that big shnozz is fully functioning, because you're gonna need it to smell me - totally - reeking - of - awesomeness."

It's the WWF live! Saturday, Lubbock! Sunday, Houston! RAW is Dallas and Tuesday is Bossier City!

Okay, I've seen that Enterprise ad three times in three ad breaks. I THINK I got it, all right?

ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: GOLDUST - man, if I don't get some good movie quotes out of him, I'll be REALLY disappointed. I wonder what Terri thinks about this?

Backstage, LILIAN GARCIA stands with Kurt Angle. "Whoa whoa, Goldust? Goldust. That's all we need around here are more freaks. If I wanted to see freaks and weirdos, I'd just step outside into midtown Manhattan. You know last Monday night, I made a very important, major announcement....that I (Kurt Angle) will be entering my first-ever Royal Rumble. Now Triple H tried to steal my thunder...'cause that's just the glory hound that he is. But that didn't get to me. THIS did - the fans of New York City chantin' 'what?' inbetween each one of my sentences! Stop it! That's just rude. I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. You don't do it to me! All right, I know this will work. Please don't say 'what?' again. Cut it out!! This is all Austin's fault. Makin' up this stupid catchphrase! Go ahead, say it again. You say it again and I'm challenging Austin to a match tonight and I'm kickin' his butt! Is that what you people want? I'm gonna kick Austin's butt tonight. You got it - Austin's mine! What what what what what what what what what - I hate this freakin' city!"

To the bathroom (hmm, those WWF cameras are EVERYWHERE) and Booker T, wanting only to brush his teeth, is distracted by...something that smells funny. "Damn! (fart noise) Damn MAN! Would you do something with that brah - geez. (fart noise) DAMN man what's up with that brah? Why don't you put some water with that or something? Smell like something crawled up in you and DIED, man - it's a nuclear explosion or what - I'm trying to brush my teeth out here - GEEZ." Rikishi emerges from the stall - damn I figured it was Big Show. "Hey man, what the hell are you doin' in there?" "It's my pre-match ritual." "Pre-match ritual? Man I feel sorry for your opponent. You know what, why don't you watch up, or better yet (pulls out some Arrogance), why don't you spray some of this here on, man, make you smell real good for tonight - you know what I'm sayin'? Yeah! That's what I'm talking - by the way, who you got anyway?" "Me? I'll be backin' that ass up tonight...on YOU." Off he goes, leaving T to remark to the mirror, "Tell me he didn't just say that."

UP NEXT: The Rock & Rob van Dam vs. Chris Jericho & Test!

"The Game" Magazine ad

You're watching WWF SmackDown! on UPN!

And now, the WWF Overdrive of the Night, presented by Greyhound! From RAW, van Dam collects the win over Test thanks to the van Daminator and Fivestar frog splash

There's the Empire State Building - and THERE'S the Garden

MR. JERICHO (with TV-PG-DLV & SAP transmitido en espanol) and THE NARCISSIteST v. POINTS TO SELF and THE ROCK - This match allegedly has "Royal Rumble implications" but bugger if *I* can figure out what they are - any more than I can figure out why Rock and Rob van Dam are teaming up...AGAIN. Since when does the second hour start at 8:47? This must be a damn long match coming up...that, or these four entrances are gonna take us up to 9:00... Rob van Dam has new music but the website, we presume, is still in limbo from the whole ECW bankruptcy thing. As you can imagine, Rock REALLY wants to start things off against Jericho - which is why, as soon as the bell rings, Jericho tags in Test. Test shrugs and comes on in. Stupid Rock lunges for Jericho anyway, allowing Test to level him. Right hand, right, right, right, right, making referee "Blind" Mike Chioda flinch - into the ropes, Rock ducks, Rock with the flying clothesline. "Just Bring It" for Jericho - then he brings him in the hard way - but Test is back up before Rock can connect. Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, into the ropes is reversed, Rock ducks Test's clothesline...but not Jericho's. Jericho back to his corner as Test stomps away - I think that was an even dozen stomps. Standing on the neck and using the ropes...NOW Jericho is ready for a tag. Held up for Jericho's right - into the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, shoving away Chioda, standing on the neck for 4, scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop. Jericho still in control - ANOTHER elbowdrop. Make it a third elbowdrop - leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Tag to Test - held open for a right hand. Another looping right by Test. Rock is done with that - block, right, right, into the corner, but Test gets the elbow up. But then Test walks into a HIDEOUS Samoan Drop - don't know if that's Test's fault or Rock's - and both men are down. Tag to van Dam! Ducks the clothesline and keeps running to give Jericho a free shot. Elbow to Test, elbow, elbow, into the ropes, reversal, but van Dam hits the heel kick off the ropes. Kick caught, stepover heel kick by van Dam. Jericho in - HE gets a heel kick. Back to Test - stomp - off the ropes for Rolling Thunder for Jericho. Ducks from Test, heel kick, vaults to the top - but opts for a somersault onto Jericho when HE tries coming in. Test finally catches van Dam...wants a powerbomb but van Dam slides up and over - rollup - 1, 2, Jericho saves it with a dropkick. Baseball slide by Jericho puts van Dam outside - while Test talks to Chioda, Jericho goes to work on the outside - dropped on the commentary table. Jericho puts him back in for Test. Head to the buckle by Test - right hand, back elbow, right, standing on the neck. Into the opposite corner, follow clothesline by Test - van Dam sent back to the other corner, another clothesline, manhandled to the mat, cover - 1, 2, ha ha of course not. Jericho puts up the boot - Test runs van Dam into it. Tag. Chop by Jericho, chop, van Dam punches back, right, Jericho rakes the eyes. Suplex coming up - nicely done. "C'mon Baby" gets 2. Tag to Test. Open right. Big suplex by Test for 2. Shot into the corner- but van Dam gets the elbow up. van Dam up top - but Test CATCHES him - he wants Snake Eyes but van Dam breaks free and runs him into the turnbuckle, then uncorks a superkick as Test bounces out! Both men are down - who will make the tag? van Dam's crawling - Test is crawling - tag to Jericho - HOT TAG TO THE ROCK! Right, right, right, right right right right right right, into the ropes, belly-to-belly throw. Jericho comes up in the corner. Rock unleashes NOW KISS THAT RIGHT from all the way across the ring, with a running start! Test takes a free shot and Rock waits for Jericho to show up - ROCK BOTTOM! 1, 2, Test JUST makes the save. Test clotheslines Rock down and signals for the boot...Rock slowly gets up - DUCKS the boot - gutshot, DDT! Chioda finally decides to get to work putting the illegal man outside - completely missing Jericho pasting Rock with the belt in the meantime, unfortunately. van Dam climbing the corner now - jumping thurst kick for Jericho! Now running the ropes - NO-HANDS TOPE ONTO TEST!! van Dam stays on Test on the floor - rights and elbows - Test over the barricade and now van Dam's following (whoa THAT chick is SURPRISED) - looks like we're down to one on one in the ring. Chioda's count is up to 5 as Jericho crawls into a cover - 1, 2, NO!! Jericho vigorously protests the count as Chioda points to his WWF patch. Shove - shove back - Jericho back into Rock's right hand, right, Jericho ducks, gutshot, off the ropes with the "bulldog!" Lionsault....HITS THE KNEES!! Rock tries to clear the cobwebs - and gets up same time as Jericho. Jericho - it's JERICHO with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right is ducked, Rock tries Rock Bottom but Jericho elbows out of the attempt - off the ropes, Rock with a spinebuster! And the SHARPSHOOTER!! AND Jericho quickly taps! (9:30) Well, what else are you gonna do - title isn't on the line, so tap now and live to fight another day - or in another ten days, when it'll be Jericho and Rock one on one for the Undisputed WWF Championship.

EARLIER TODAY! Vince McMahon sat down with JR - that exclusive interview is NEXT!

Commentators shill "Enterprise"

TONIGHT: Stone Cold Steve Austin's accepted the challenge - another boffo match with Kurt Angle is imminent!

EARLIER TODAY! Jim Ross sat down with Vince McMahon. Here's your transcript:

Mr. McMahon, we're here to talk about--

Hang - hang on a second. I don't want you to be uptight. I want you to relax. I want you to ask me anything you wanna ask me, go ahead.

That's very nice of you. Thank you. We're here to talk about your match at the Royal Rumble with Ric Flair.

Right.

However, on a side note, Triple H returned to the World Wrestling Federation Monday night on RAW, certainly in Madison Square Garden got the longest, loudest sustained ovation I personally have ever heard in over 25 years in this business. What are your thoughts on the reception that your son-in-law received?

It was overwhelming.

You know, I would think that this could cause a, a major problem for you.

In what respect?

Well uh, Triple H is married to your daughter Stephanie. You and Stephanie are certainly estranged as we speak. And I would think that there would be, uh, some animosity there between you and Triple H - would there not be?

I'm not gonna discuss my personal life tonight. So you wanna keep it on the subject that we agreed to talk about? You may proceed.

All right, fair enough. You will meet Ric Flair one on one at the Royal Rumble. Your actions - and you said to be honest, you said to be straightforward with you - in my view and I'm sure the view of many fans, was somewhat reprehensible, your actions of Monday night. I would like your comments on that; your motivation for that unprovoked attack with a - with a pipe. But first, let's take our fans that didn't see it, and maybe to refresh your memory as to what happened Monday night on RAW.

(Video package - go read the RAW report)

You know, I don't think you fully realise--

(Smiling) Hang on a second, you ask me to respond to that piece, I watched it, okay? You stated that my actions were unprovoked, I'd like to beg to differ with that point of view. And here's why. Because November 19 will forever be embedded in my mind as one of the worst days in my life. November 19 was the date that Ric Flair came out and publicly humiliated me, and announced to the world, before I knew, that he had bought my rotten son's stock and my even more rotten daughter's stock. Now what kind of an underhanded businessman does something like that? I thought it was illegal, it almost is. Ric Flair is an underhanded businessman - then from there Ric Flair comes out and challenges me, one on one, to a match at the Royal Rumble in the ring. I've got no problems accepting his challenge. He had no call to bust me in the mouth. Ric Flair, therefore, is no gentleman. And then, a week ago tonight, JR - mm - Ric Flair - mm - and you want to talk about an unprovoked attack, I'm down at ringside, I turn around, and Flair is charging like a bull, and he hit me so hard....you saw what he did to my eye - seven stitches total. And all of that, then, is unprovoked, JR? Let me just say I don't need any more provocation, but what I'm gonna do to Ric Flair at the Royal Rumble...oh will be so magnified, compared to what I did to him last Monday night.

Well, be that as it may, I've known Ric Flair for over twenty years - longer than I've known you, sir. I think I know Ric Flair very well. He has been called on many occasions, and rightfully so, "the dirtiest player in the game." And quite frankly, I'm not so sure you are fully prepared for what retribution you're going to receive at the Royal Rumble, not to be argumentative. So my final question to you is: Mr. McMahon, are you ready for the price that YOU'RE gonna pay at the Royal Rumble?

Oh, JR, I'm ready. I don't think you really know me all that well, do you. You know I'm the kinda guy, definitely, you think you know them a little bit...you find out you don't know a damn thing about 'em. Oh, I'm willing to pay the price. You see, JR, I'm a - I'm a risk taker. A calculated risk taker You can all me a bad guy, but you see, I just hope that Ric Flair, when he comes to the ring at the Rumble, I hope Ric is there with his family at ringside. Yeah. Because I want his family, and I want the whole world to see what I do to Ric Flair. I don't know if you're gonna think ill of me, but...I enjoy destroying lives. ... It turns me on. Especially an icon like Ric Flair. ... After the match, and my hand is raised in a token of victory, Ric Flair has *lost* to Vince McMahon. Flair won't be able to live with himself to be so humbled. I'm gonna destroy Ric, all right - from the inside out. Flair will be humbled at the Rumble...I hope his wife and children are crying as a result of what I do to Ric - I'm being honest - and then, Flair will *beg* me to buy his stock. (pats Ross' knee) Good job. I've enjoyed this interview. Thank you.

Booker T is WALKING!

And now, the Stacker 2 Burn of the Week! From RAW, Rikishi burns Nick Patrick with a stinkface.

ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: MR. PERFECT !!!! And ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME. Now bring back Jeff Jarrett!

BOOKER T (with Royal Rumble is brought to you by Squaresoft's "Final Fantasy X!") v. RIKASHMONEY - T is noticably distraught about the current state of his life. Lockup, to the corner - referee "Blind" Tim White forces the break and T sneaks in an eyepoke - right, right, right, right, Rikishi ducks - T wants a sunset flip but thinks better of it when Rikishi starts slapping his ass. T runs into a back elbow. Scoop...and a slam by 'kishi. T put in the corner, elbow up to stop the charge. T runs into a powerslam - 1, 2, no. T rolls out...'kishi stops him on the apron, but T manages a hot shot. Back in the ring, heel kick gets T 2. Gutshot - chop, gutshot, chop, off the ropes - Rikishi with a Samoan Drop. Clothesline by 'kishi, clothesline, BELLY-to-belly suplex. Into the corner, Rikishi goes for a splash...whoops, looks like an edit as T comes out with a Harlem sidekick instead. Axe kick! T drops down...shakes his head...and breakdances back up! Too bad he took too long - smack dab into a RIKISHIKICK! T dutifully backs up to the corner and flumps down - Rikishi pumps it up, raises the roof, gives himself a wedgie, and...yep. We give it a full-screen replay, which means shenanigans are going on that we're not supposed to see...sure enough, when we come back, T...well....T blows chunks all over Cole. Cole takes off, asking Rikishi what's up on the way. The music starts - oh is the match over? (No contest? 3:37?) and Rikishi starts dancing in his hat. We take a replay of Booker...bringing it all back, so to speak. 'kishi still dancing - so they set the turnbuckle sparklers off. Let's take an ad break and try to recover.

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - again

When we come back, LARRY KING has taken Cole's place at ringside next to Lawler. "It smells like Granny had the sour belches."

MOMENTS AGO! we are most unfortunate to see it again - and hear cackle, as well

TONIGHT: Stone Cold vs. Kurt Angle!

Back in the bathroom (man, that cameraman needs to get out more), T tries to rinse his mouth out...and finds himself joined by Diamond Dallas Page. "Hey, Booker!" "--the hell you want, man?" "Hey, you need to know that you receiving the stinkface from Rikishi isn't a bad thing!" "What the hell you talking about?" "Bro! It's...okay, okay, it's a REALLY bad thing. Bad bad bad bad bad! Horrible! Disgusting! BUT! At least, it didn't happen to me. (D - D - P) And that's a good thing! Go get 'em, Book!"

LOOK! An EXCITING DOOR! Come back to find out who's going to be speaking in front of it!

The WWF! LIVE! Beaumont, Waco, Dallas and Bossier City! NOTHING SEGMENT! YES!

ROYAL RUMBLE RETURN: THE GODFATHER

Well, we're nowhere NEAR the Rock's door now....instead, JONATHAN COACHMAN catches up with Rock as he's WALKING! backstage. He congratulates him on the win, and asks if he can defeat Jericho at the Rumble as well. "Shut your mouth, Coach. That's not the big question. The fact of the matter is this: is that the Rock has been WALKING! New York City for five straight days and still has not said 'finally, the Rock has come back to New York City!' You see, Chris Jericho, tonight, on the Rock's show, on the Rock's show SmackDown!, you got your ass whooped by the Rock and come Royal Rumble 2002, it's not gonna change. Chris Jericho, you call yourself a living legend. You call yourself larger than life, well the fact of the matter is, Chris Jericho, is you don't know large. You know nothing about large. You see, the Rock has something that's large. The Rock has something that's enormous, the Rock has something that's HUGE, the Rock has-- what in the blue hell are you SMILING at, you sick ffffreak? Your eyes stay LOCKED on the Rock's eyes, period. What the Rock...was referreing to is his size 14 boot, which means, Chris Jericho at Royal Rumble 2002, Undisputed Championship, the Rock is gonna take his size 14 boot, and shove it straight up, pull it back out, shove it straight up, pull it back out, shake it off, rub it all over Coach's face 'cause he likes it, and then he's gonna take a big step back, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up your candy ass! ["Rock E!"] Chris Jericho, the countdown is on. Ticktock....ticktock. If you smell....what the-- whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, no no no no, this is SmackDown!, this is SmackDown!, this is the Rock's show, SmackDown!, New York City. IF YA SUHMELLLLLLLALALALALOWWWW what the ROCK is cookin'!"

UP NEXT: Stone Cold vs. Kurt Angle

Royal Rumble ad hypes Jericho/Rock - the battle of the mouths (that wrestle)

Wow, TWO nothing segments in a row! This main event must be incredibly long and awesome.....RIGHT? Or am I dreaming? Stay tuned.

And now, the WWF Royal Rumble Replay - from 1992, Ric Flair wins the best Royal Rumble ever. What will happen on its tenth anniversary?

Another look outside New York - hmm, no looks at WWF New York on this of all nights?

And here's a look at Kid Rock's "Cocky" CD

KURT ANGLE v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - No kidding, they're gonna do a Triple H final segment AGAIN? Wow, SOMEBODY thinks that kid equals RATINGS - and by "somebody," I mean...nah, I *still* can't bash the man. As on Monday, "You suck" chant greets the playing of "Medal." Staredown to start. Every body movement Angle makes, Austin mimicks. Then Austin adds a (blurred out) double bird on top. Okay, here we go. Hey what the hell happened to Earl Hebner's HAIR? Angle shoots out for a single leg takedown - which Austin evades to the crowd's delight. Austin gives Hebner a middle finger as well. Lockup. Crowd chants "What?" but Angle stays in control to the corner - Hebner works hard to get the break....and FINALLY gets it. Angle is amused. Austin pauses to adjust a knee brace. Back to the collar-and-elbow - this time it's Austin controlling to the corner. Hebner wants the break again...and again, it takes a goodly amount of time to get them untied. "What?" chant takes over again. A third tieup - Austin to the side headlock. Angle tries to grab a waistlock but Austin holds fast. Angle tries to reverse to a wristlock - no dice - Austin back to the headlock - and a side headlock takeover. Austin grinds it in, even while Angle gets back to his feet. Matwork is fun! Angle goes to the forearm to the ribs - another forearm - and manages to shake off Austin...only to have Austin connect with a shoulderblock off the ropes. Another side headlock takeover and Austin is back in control. Angle tries for the headscissors but can't reach him. Back to their feet - Angle back to the forearm in the back - forearm - Austin goes chain wrestling (!!!!) and grabs the legs to take him down - got the left leg - elbowdrop on the knee, elbowdrop, elbowdrop - Austin grabs the ankle, but Angle rolls over and escapes to the corner. Both men on their feet. These two are SO awesome when they wrestle. I mean, this is too awesome for words and I'm glad you're here reading it. ("Feel the luv! Wow, what a PANSY.") AHHHHHH BLOW ME HEEEEEY Austin wants the test of strength! Man this just gets BETTER and BETTER. Perhaps it's more than coincidence that this match is taped on the one year anniversary of their best match of 2001 (MODO)? I wonder if we'll get the piledriver, too - I'd have to retire or something if they pulled THAT out. Oh, you're probably wondering about that test of strength - well, Angle is reluctant, and eventually refuses to lace the knuckles. Standoff. Lockup - now ANGLE grabs a side headlock - Austin powers out, but Angle knocks him down off the ropes. Up and over, Austin helps Angle sail over the top to the floor - and now he's coming after him. Austin with a chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, rolls him back in - geez, I was worried the wrestling was over. Austin tries to ram Angle's head into a turnbuckle but Angle blocks, back elbow, head to the buckle, right, chop, chop, chop, chop, Austin reverses back, chop, chop, chop, chop, Angle shot into the opposite corner, Angle reverses, Angle runs at Austin but Austin steps aside - Angle shoulders the post and sails out of the ring! Austin agrees to stand back while Hebner counts - but immediately leaves the ring to go out after him. Crowd's chanting "holy shit" - for Angle? Austin pulls Angle's shoulder into the ringpost - twice. Austin stays on Angle - hard shove into the STEEL steps. Austin brings Angle up - and rams his left arm into the steps. There's a second steps collision for Angle's left arm. Back into the ring - Angle reverses the whip and buries his knee into Austin's gut. Now he's working on turning things around - big knife-edge chop. Into the ropes, another knee in the gut, and Austin flips to the mat. Angle with a field goal kick. Angle stomps - stomp - stomp - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner warns him but Angle stays on Austin - stood up in the corner, shoulder into the gut, shoulder, shoulder. Angle stops to argue with Hebner - and that's a mistake. Austin pops out with a spear - mount and eight quick rights. Angle manages to reverse the whip - and catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex! Angle hooks the leg for the first time - 1, 2, no! Think about that, guys - we went almost eight minutes without a pinfall attempt - and we didn't *need* it because these two are SO good at telling the story in the ring. Angle back to the stomp - almost kicking Austin with his shin - stomp, stomp, stomp. Hebner tells him to cut it out. Angle stands Austin up - chop, chop, chop. Angle's just about had it with this crowd...but he shouldn't have let up on Austin. Austin roaring back with a right, Angle right, Austin right, right, right, Angle tries to grab a headlock but Austin shoves him into the ropes - Angle hits a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, up and over, Austin's clothesline ducked, but Austin catches him on the way back, stun gun on the ropes, Fuck You elbowdrop (Ross: "driving the knee"), into the ropes, Angle ducks a clothesline, ducks again, gutshot CAUGHT...so Austin clotheslines him instead. Into the ropes is reversed by Angle, but Austin gets the boot up - coming out with a clothesline which is ducked - Angle grabs the waistlock - Austin elbows out - Austin ducks the swing, grabs a waistlock of his own and hits a German suplex - AND holds on for two! Austin has the waistlock again - Angle elbows, and elbows out - ANGLE with a waistlock - Angle with a German suplex! Holding on - TWO! Holding on - AUSTIN elbows out - Austin with a waistlock, but Angle, noticing Hebner is out of position, lets his trick knee act up. Angle clotheslines him down, then grabs the ropes to try to catch his breath. HE'S CLIMBING UP! The moonsault is on the way - AND HE HITS THE MOONSAULT!! Leg is hooked - 1 - 2 - NO!!! Angle is visibly upset by his inability to put Austin away - Austin wants the gutshot again but Angle catches the boot again - and THIS time, drops down into the ANGLELOCK!! Austin screams in pain as Angle torques the ankle. Austin crawls - crawls - ANGLE PULLS HIM BACK! There's nowhere for Austin to go - so he shoots his right leg back, and when Angle catches THAT, he flips Angle into a rollup - leg is hooked - 1 - 2 - ANGLE KICKS OUT!! Angle is up first - gutshot - Olympic Slam NO - KICK WHAM STUNNER YES - both men are down, and....what the hell? The wall of flame hits, the music hits, and KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT. Austin punching away on Angle as Kane enters the ring - CHOKESLAM on Austin! What the hell was that about? Damn, this is like Triple H ruining the 1/8/01 match...hmmm wait a minute. Angle laughs and gives Kane a thumbs up - then gets to stomping on Austin....but Kane is up from behind - ANGLE GETS A CHOKESLAM! Kane sets the turnbuckles alight....but now WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW is out. HE hits the ring, Kane punches, right, Show right, right, Kane ducks a swing, choke, SHOW with a choke - Show's choke wins. AHHHHHHtheCHOKESLAAAAAM. This brings out THE NEW MAN, who swigs some water, removes his jacket and slowly walks the aisle. Show is in the ring waiting for him...hey, you think they're gonna hug? Remember what Show said on Monday...anyway, H is through the ropes...running at Show...CHOKE! But H kicks him in the balls! Off the ropes, H with a clothesline - nothing. H with a right hand - nothing. A second kick in the balls - THIS works. PEDIGREE! Play Motorhead again! H removes his shirt and shows off his back (and, some will say, his back acne.) H poses on the second rope...but looks up at the stage, where AWESOMETAKER is silently standing...

Well that was quite a segment, but...oh, yeah. (No contest? 12:12?)

CRZ
[slash] wrestling