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I GET LETTERS: Misha Tseytlin says what everyone thinks: When I was watching the State of the Union address tonight and had to sit through the annoying clapping interrupting George W. some 77 times during a 48 minutes speech I had an eerie feeling of a familiar annoyance, and then I realized it! There is a bizarre similarity between the repeated clapping after every sentence at the State Of the Union address and the fan's yelling "What?" at WWF shows. Each incessantly interrupts the particular "promo" being cut, and both make me yell at my TV "stop doing that, you idiots." When I noticed this similarity I was just hoping that the acting President of Afghanistan or Supreme Court Justice Suter, or one of those flight attendants from tackled the guy with the shoe bomb would pull out a "Stop Clapping" sign similar to the "Stop Saying What" sign at smackdown the other night.

KINGS UPDATE: 34-10, 2.5 up and STILL the best record in the N B A !

UPN - Thursday!

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Vince gave Ric a choice on Monday - let's watch

A station ID during Opening Credits is Beautiful, People!

PYRO! Coming to you from the SCOPE in Norfolk, VA 31.1.2 (taped 29.1) and SAP transmitido en espanol on UPN and the Score (not to be confused with the SCOPE), THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN!

TONIGHT: We spun the dials on the random tag team generator and came up with Triple H & the Rock vs. Undertaker & Angle!

TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ v. MR. JERICHO (with Hollywood All-Stars hockey hype - watch E!) in a nontitle bout - Why, I am OUTRAGED that Tazz is jerking the curtain! We are told this match came about because Tazz didn't like the way Jericho treated Maven on RAW. (Apparently, everything that *Undertaker* did to Maven is hunky dory with Tazz...or more like Tazz is a SUPER WIMP who'd rather avoid the AWESOME POWER of the Taker.) Those of you who keep crying about how Jericho is made to look bad should check out the ring right now - between Tazz, referee "Blind" Miss Jacqueline and Jericho, the Undisputed Champion is actually **the TALLEST guy in there**. I have a feeling someone whispered in Jericho's ear "if you chew gum, you'll seem more like Shawn Michaels." Okay, let's hit it. Jericho already jawing with Jackie - poke for Tazz, Tazz right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, Jericho kicks - but then runs into a T-bone Tazzplex. Double leg takedown, mount, six punches - Jericho decides to roll out. Tazz out after him - Jericho's head meets the commentary table - right, Jericho to the eyes and back in - off the ropes with a flying jalapeno as Tazz comes back in - right, right, right, right, field goal kick, field goal kick. "Jericho sux!" chant. Head to the buckle by Jericho, elbow, elbow, blatant choke - Jackie pulls him off. Another discussion...oops, gave Tazz time to recover - he switches positions in the corner and punches away - right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Jericho gets the boot up. Jericho runs in - and ends up in a head-and-arm Tazzplex. Jericho holds his head while Tazz contemplates getting up. Both men up at 5. Jericho runs into a "Judo throw" (over the shoulder armdrag) - clothesline by Tazz, Jericho ducks the next one - gutshot, wants the DDT but Tazz hits the Northern Lights Tazzplex instead - 1, 2, NO! Jericho reverses the whip, puts Tazz in the corner and then "bulldogs" off the ropes as he comes out. Lionsault - no - lands on his feet - Tazz steps aside the clothesline attempt and clamps on the Tazzmission! Jericho, flailing, shoves Jackie around, then his trick knee acts up while she isn't looking, breaking the hold...Jericho hits the Breakdown and gets the 1, 2, 3. (2:34) Jericho demands Jackie raise his hand, and she does - but then lowers it almost immediately after. Jericho is miffed - there's a big poke - Jackie shoves back - so Jericho grabs her as she's leaving, then puts her in the Walls of Jericho. Play his music again! Somehow, Jericho managed to get a bloody nose in the process.

Ric Flair is WALKING!

Hmm, this is the first "Rollerball" ad I've seen with Paul Heyman in it. That's probably just coincidence. Wow, he sounds like when Cyrus used to say "RRRRRRRROLLERJAM!!!!!" Hey, was that Shane McMahon or just somebody who looked a hell of a lot like him? How come they never show me BT?

Oh, I get it - that ad was part of this show - we immediately move to the APA talking about how great it was to be at the screening of "Rollerball." Bradshaw and LL Cool J grew up together, apparently. Suddenly, LL Cool J and Chris Klein show up. Before Faarooq can get J to prove that Bradshaw DIDN'T inspire the lyrics to "Mama Said Knock You Out," Rejbejccaj Rojmijn-Stajmojs shows up. Then she shoots a beer. Then Faarooq says "Damn."

THE MAN is out to let us all in on his decision. Sign in crowd: "IT'S WHOOO YOU MORONS NOT WOOOO" Hey buddy, YOU'RE wrong. Nyah nyah nyah. Flair is moved to tears from the massive reaction by the crowd. "Woooo! I - I think it's fair to say that we have bonded over the years. There's a lotta history with Norfolk, Virginia and Ric Flair. ["He said Norfolk!"] That's what makes this even harder. You know, I had to make a decision, and I had to make the right decision...not for myself, personally, but for the greatest sports entertainment company in the world. And you's a good's a good thing, because this business is not just about me here, or five other guys, this business is about you. And it's about the wrestling world, and it's the fans and the young stars in this business that need to be taken care of. So I'm here tonight to say goodbye. And, you know what, that's not a bad thing - a year ago, I didn't get to say goodbye to any of you - I just was gone, and I wanted to say goodbye, and I wanted to say thank you for each and every day...I wanted to thank you..." Big "Flair" chant drowns him out, so he stops. They're getting LOUDER. "Thank you. I wanted to say thank you to everyone here live, and to everyone that's in that camera for everything you've done for me. I've tried to entertain you, I've tried to give you everything I had - I hope it worked, 'cause I enjoyed doin' it, but this company has to go forward, so I'm sellin' my stock to Vince McMahon. There's guys like Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Rock, and the Undertaker, the Hardy Boyz, the Dudleyz, Chris Jericho - those guys don't need to go through the NWO - they need to keep goin' forward - they've got the greatest company in the world...they deserve your support - and they deserve my support. ["We want Flair!"] Please...please. Thank you. Guys...please. Thank you. Thank you. This could not - this could not have been a better night for me, to hear you respond like this. I'm gone. Goodbye. I'll never be in the ring again, so let me cherish this moment, and say goodbye to all of you. Thank you for know, my children...I hope they've become proud of me, I hope my mom and dad are proud of me, 'cause I was sure proud to be a professional wrestling, proud to be part of your lives. Thank you very much." And with a final wave, Flair walks away.

Clay Henry, you've lost 130 pounds - could you please try to SMILE at least ONCE during this ad?

Wanna enter the Monster Truck contest? Enter "Grave Digger"

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Squaresoft's "Final Fantasy X," truth, and Subway - eat Jared!) v. CHRISTIAN - later tonight - hold yourself - JR sits down with Stephanie! Christian slaps Page one - this appears to annoy him, and the chase is on - outside, inside, kick by Christian, right, stomp, stomp, into the ropes is reversed, tilt-a-whirl slam by Page. Page ducks a clothesline, right, discus lariat, 1, 2, no. Christian rolls out - Page catches him on the apron, but Christian manages a hot shot. Back in - hung up on the top rope - then shoved to the barricade. Christian out after him...whip into the STEEL steps. Referee "Blind" Mike Sparks has gotten up to 3 on his ten count - whew, that was close - Page rolled back in - Christian stomps. "DDP" chant? Page right, left, right, off the ropes...into a sleeper. Page elbows elbows elbow out, but Christian connects with some elbows of his own - whip into the ropes is reversed - Page tries the sleeper but it turns into some kind of weird tornado slam that looks like it hurts both men. Both men up at five - Page ducks, right, left, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Page ducks, kneelift, BIG powerbomb - 1, 2, Christian kicks out! Hard whip into the corner - Christian tries to put the boots up but Page slides out...then makes a wish using the ringpost. Page back in - wants the Diamond Cutter but Christian hooks the rope and Page falls to the mat empty-handed. Christian puts both feet on the top rope and covers - and Page STILL kicks out at 2! Boot is caught by Page - spins him around, tries for the Cutter again but Christian reverses into a Slop Drop - 1, 2, NO!! Christian shifts into "tantrum" mode. Picks him up for the Unprettier...but Page reverses and DOES hit that Diamond Cutter - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new European champion. (4:03) Page leaves through the crowd 'cause he's a suckup - meanwhile, Christian is humping the canvas in angry fasion.

Outside, a limousine pulls up - it's Vince, and he's got a song in his heart. He's flanked by three attorney types. JONATHAN COACHMAN meets up with him and relates that Flair's made his goodbyes. Vince says he isn't surprised Flair's selling - his battery of attorneys have the papers ready - but as for Flair's goodbye, that'll have to wait. Flair signs the papers on his terms...and makes his goodbyes on his terms as well. The contract signing will take place later...and in the ring.

No Way Out ad hypes Jericho/Austin

Hey, man, there's Heyman again

How about one more Shattered Dreams Production? This one has a lot of quick cuts, so he's not speaking all at once: "Come out, come out, wherever you are. - Robert DeNiro, Cape Fear, 1991. I am tired of the waiting. I'm tired of the hiding. I'm sure he's asking himself, when will this madness end? Well the madness won't will simply begin - this Monday night. This Monday night, I will reveal myself to him - fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night. The night HE will never remember to forget the name....Goldust."

Your hosts are a pair of kings, MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Who is "he?" Hopefully we'll find out on Monday!

Yesterday, LARRY KING sat down with STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT. Today, I fast forwarded through almost eight minutes of this show!

Later, Booker T crashed the APA party and asked LL why he wasn't invited to the big "Rollerball" premiere...or why he didn't even get a part in the movie - him being a big leading man and all. LL says he didn't get a part 'cause there was no part in the movie calling for a man getting his ass whooped in a grocery store. T is so incensed by this remark that he...challenges the APA to a match. Bradshaw: "Hey, you have a haircut like that, you'd be mad, too." Rebecca: "Damn." Me: "Wow, RAW was so much better than this show."

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2

Catch your dose of Attitude with the WWF LIVE in Vancouver Saturday, Seattle Sunday, Las Vegas for RAW and Los Angeles Tuesday (SOLD OUT)!

WILLIAM REGAL can't join the commentary team until subjecting himself to a patdown from referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas...

DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Keibler - and Let Us Take You Back to RAW) v. POINTS TO SELF (with TV-PG-DLV & SAP transmitido en espanol) and KING EDGE - It turns out that D-Von threw the knux to Regal on Monday, as this spotlighted camera angle from RAW shows - it's STILL hard to see, but I appreciate the explanation. Edge & van Dam hit the ring....then slide under the ropes to attack Regal! Dudz go out to meet them, and we officially start the match when D-Von and Edge hit the ring, after Bubba tosses van Dam across the floor. D-Von in control - right, right, free shot for van Dam ("RVD" chant), into the ropes, blind tag by van Dam, Edge ducks the clothesline, ducks the right and hits Edgeomatic just in time for van Dam to followup with Rolling Thunder. Cover...2. Kick, right, right, into the corner is reversed, but van Dam flips over, tumbling run to the corner...where Bubba pops him (ha!) before he can spring off - D-Von with a forearm in the back and a SUPER neckbreaker. D-Von administers last rites. Tag to Bubba - forearm to the back, ANOTHER neckbreaker, old school elbowdrop, elbowdrop, axehandle, 1, 2, ha ha RVD not kick out are you kidding me? Snapmares him over and goes to a vice. At this point, Stacy walks over and sits in Regal's lap - Regal starts digging around the crack of her ass (umm) and comes up with a set of brass knuckles. Edge frantically tries to point this out to Korderas, but all he manages to do is blind Korderas to the headbutt to the graun spot happening behind his back. HEY! I think Lawler just asked if Gene White's car keys were in there!! Regal says he was just "manicuring his fingernails" - with Stacy's ass? And now Cole says Edge was fined for his referee I guess the suspension isn't gonna happen. van Dam ducks a punch off the ropes, then hits a Viscera kick to turn it around. Both men are down but a pair of tags is coming up! Tag, HOT TAG! Edge ducks, free shot for D-Von, clothesline for Bubba, clothesline, into the ropes is reversed, Edge with a Viscera - D-Von comes in but Edge puts HIM over the top to the outside, back to Bubba - hooks the punch into a slop drop - 1, 2, D-Von back in to break it up! Bubba clotheslines Edge over the top as D-Von and van Dam are back in the ring. Heel kick by van Dam - vaulting to the top - Fivestar frog splash! D-Von twitches OLD SCHOOL style as Bubba comes back in to surprise van Dam - there's a powerbomb (tonight must be powerbomb night) - Edge back in - SPEAR - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Meanwhile, Regal has left the commentators and climbed to the apron - swing and a miss - Bubba flies in with a clothesline that ALSO misses Edge - but not Regal! Edge with the Edgecution on Bubba - 1, 2, 3! (3:50) Two happy men leaving, two unhappy men in the ring, one unhappy man and one unhappy woman outside.

T rants and raves - he gon' knock HIM out and so on. Test walks up and asks if he can be his tag team partner. He doesn't wanna take 'em out like T does - he only wants to take 'em oat to impress Rejbejccaj Rojmijn-Stajmojs! T calls her a yak.

Vince and the lawyers speak lawyer blah blah blah so this is what MiCasa does with all his days? NO THANK YOU

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Subway (eat Jared)! From RAW, Angle gets screwed out of his title shot

LILIAN GARCIA catches up with Kurt Angle. "Whoa whoa whoa - lost my shot? Lost my shot? That's all I ever hear anymore, and I'm sick of it! Kurt Angle is not a loser. Everything that I ever set out to accomplish, I accomplished. I'm a winner...(displays medals) see?" Garcia begs to differ as technically, he didn't win the Royal Rumble. "Who the hell do you think you are? I shoulda WON the Royal Rumble! And Triple H had to take that away from me. Triple H had to sneak up from behind me after I threw him out of the ring, do this (imitates H) thing, and throw me out of the ring? That was MY Royal Rumble - and it was my only chance of winning on my first try, and I will NEVER forgive Triple H for that. He thinks he's so special, Triple H thinks he's so special. Well I'M the one that's special! I'm very, very special. I'm That...Damn...Special. I'm everything that Triple H is, and more. I'm stronger, tougher, and yeah - I'm badder. In fact, tonight...I plan on goin' OLYMPIC on his ass. Oh, it's true."

Rock warms up for his match. Flair pays him a visit. "Hey Rock - how you doin'. Before I leave, I just wanted to tell you're everything I heard you were and more." "Well, I appreciate that. Thank you. Good luck to you. And ah...(removes glasses)...thanks for the memories...Nature Boy."

A.P.A. (with Chris Klein, LL Cool J & Rejbejccaj Rojmijn-Stajmojs - the cast of the hot soon-to-be-released movie "Rollerball") v. T and T - The highlight of this match is LL Cool J getting a call on his cel phone in the middle of the match. Why does he keep licking his hand, anyway? Now I know you'll find this hard to believe, but the team accompanied by the movie stars WINS! (Bradshaw Hades lariat -> pin Test 2:39) Good thing they followed up on T's big win from Monday, wot? Just remember, kids: next week SmackDown! is in HOLLYWOOD and you KNOW Booker T is HILARIOUS in HOLLYWOOD!

UP NEXT: The main event - the main event? But gee, there's 45 minutes left in the show! That can't be good!

Say, why were the movie stars in Norfolk, anyway? Shouldn't they have been in....HOLLYWOOD?

KURT ANGLE and AWESOMETAKER (with presents No Way Out - in seventeen days!) v. THE NEW MAN and THE ROCK - Sign in crowd: WHAT WOULD KURT DO? Keeping in mind the new terminology I'm attempting to introduce to the wrestling lexicon, I must remind you that this is another "four website"'d be the extremely rare FIVE website match thanks to the inclusion of the logo...except Undertaker didn't get any chyron luv. I guess tonight Stephanie is proving how much she loves Triple H by staying the hell away from the ring tonight? Time will tell. Rock eyeballs Taker on his second rope pose - and gets eyeballed right back from the floor. Angle hits the ring to start for his team - but when Triple H stands opposite him, Taker tells Angle he'll be happy to start. Taker stares down H...until Angle hits him in the back with a forearm. HAHAHA AWESOME heels can be so SMART sometimes. Right hand from Angle, right, right, right, right, right. "Kick his ass, Kurt!" says Taker. Into the opposite corner, H gets the boot up. H outside...grabbing Angle's left leg and wrapping it around the post. Around the post again - a third trip around the post. H back in with a chop block. Man, this isn't very faceful! Elbowdrop on the knee, again, again, and one more time. I think he's picked his body part! Angle is limping. Right hand by H, Angle back with a knee, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed - H with a powerslam. Spying Taker coming in, H gives him a shoulder in the gut. Ducks a clothesline from Angle, gutshot, Pedigree attempt - but Taker has a big boot to stop it! Angle takes command - stomp, stomp, stomp. Tag to Taker - held open for the kick. Headbutt that actually hurts Taker as well, it's so hard. In the corner, soupbone, back elbow, chasing off referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, soupbone, calls for Angle's boot, and rams H's head into it. Tag. Held open for a kick, Taker with a soupbone on his way out. Angle moves in - but H comes back - right, right, Angle ducks the next one, grabs the waistlock, and hits the German suplex - holding on for two - holding on for THREE - Angle is feeling good now. Free shot for the Rock! DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Olympic Slam NO H goes behind, ducks the clothesline, *H* with a German suplex of his own! Rock is chomping at the bit for a tag. Hebner's up to 6 before both men are up - H makes the tag! Block, right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Rock ducks, flying clothesline. Free shot for Taker! Angle runs into a spinebuster...and Rock says it's time for it - time to toss an elbowpad - time to come off the ropes - time to EAT A CLOTHESLINE FROM TAKER, BABY. H on Taker - right, right, right puts him through the ropes and out on the floor. Angle stomps Rock outside, then calls Hebner's attention to an illegal man in the ring. Taker over to ram Rock's head into the steps while the ref's back is turned. Into the barricade. "Angle sux" chant. Rock's spine meets the ringpost. H tries to walk around the ring to help out Rock, but Hebner slides out and puts himself in the way. Taker rolls Rock back in, taunting H the whole time - HE'S SHUFFLING!! TAKER IS SHUFFLING AND BY GOD HE'S AWESOME Angle has the leg hooked - 1, 2, NO! Angle picks Rock up - right hand, crowd start a "Rock E" chant in earnest, another right hand from Angle - into the ropes, Rock ducks the clothesline, Rock right, right, right, whip, Angle reverses and wants the kick, but Rock catches it - dragon screw legwhip into the sharpshooter!! Before Angle taps, however, Taker is in with a big clothesline. Taker quickly backs to his corner as H comes in - and when Hebner moves to put H outside, Angle slides under the ropes and lets Taker stay in as if they'd tagged. Taker drops the elbow, then grinds his forearm into Rock's face. Taker picks up Rock - he's dead weight. Measured soupbone - blocked! Rock right - right, right, into the ropes, head down, Taker with a kick. Soupbone ducked - ROCK BOTTOM NO Taker with the back elbow to break it up - catches Rock in the choke - but Rock punches out with three rights. Taker with two soupbones. Taker tries a whip into the ropes, but Rock reverses - into a gutshot and DDT! Both men are down but Taker's a lot closer to his corner than Rock is. Hebner gives up on his 10 count once again - tag to Angle...HOT TAG TO TRIPLE H! Right hand! Into the ropes, classic spinebuster! Right for Taker, right, into the corner is reversed, but Taker misses the punch when H ducks under...and hits the neckbreaker! Clothesline into a choke for Angle...and then H clotheslines Taker to the outside. Ducks Angle's clothesline, there's the knee, 1, 2, no! Meanwhile, Taker gets a stompin' on Rock. H in the middle of a Ten Punch Count Along...but Angle brings him out after five with an atomic drop. Right, right, into the ropes, head down, H with the facebuster! Gutshot, Pedigree setup - Pedigree HITS! 1, Taker's brought the chair in with him and jabs Rock with the edge...Hebner has to call for the bell. (DQ 8:50) Taker quickly chases off Hebner...and he isn't done with Triple H, either. WHACK! RIGHT in the head. Taker rares back for one more good chairshot...except Rock's back in behind him pulling the chair away! It's Rock! Right, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Taker goes over the top rope to the outside. Rock out after him - into the STEEL steps! Rock does a little work on the announce table...but takes too long as he runs RIGHT into the big boot from the Dead Man. Rock, meet the timekeeper's table. Table, Rock. I believe you need another introduction to the STEEL steps. Steps, Rock. Finally, Taker grabs ANOTHER chair and prepares Rock for the Decapitation...Hebner tries to stop him, pulling the chair away, and that's all the Rock needs - right, right, grabs the chair...but AGAIN Taker gets the boot in! Rock behind the commentary table - Taker follows. Soupbone! Taker has the chair again - but just before he can swing, Rock grabs him - ROCK BOTTOM THROUGH THE TABLE! We look back in the ring to see Triple H in the Anglelock! I think H must have tapped for sure, right? Hmm. Two more refs get the hold broken, but Angle runs out to the ramp to REapply it. Some more refs out...Angle lets go but he's a man possessed. Play his music! Also, Rock is still talking trash to Taker.


Another look at the "WWF Desire" video we saw on Monday. It's still awesome even if it DOESN'T have Steve Blackman in it. Also, for your protection, all of the middle fingers are blurred out.

Ric Flair is WALKING! Albeit a lot more slowly than before. Arn Anderson catches up to him (Cole: "His longtime friend Arn Anderson!" NO WAY COLE REALLY?) and says "Hey man, listen, listen..." Flair stops him, offers the hand...then a hug. No more words are needed. Flair walks away.

Meanwhile, a beaming Vince, and his lawyers, are WALKING!

No Way Out ad #2

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 #2

Remember, your ticket to the Monster Truck competition is "Grave Digger"

Wow, they sure ate up the time...we're down to the final quarter hour as "No Chance in Hell" plays and BILLIONAIRE VINCE (with three lawyers) walks out to the ring...which has the red carpet rolled out, two chairs and a desk for the big contract signing. "You know, I'm sure that there are many small-minded individuals in this capacity crowd that think that the reason - you think the reason that I'm gonna insist on Flair coming out here is because you think I'm gonna publicly humiliate him. I think you all know me better than that. I'm not gonna publicly humiliate Mr. Flair; quite frankly, I'm a bigger man than that. I do intende to teach Mr. Flair and all of you a lesson, however. And that lesson is simply this: that lesson is that perception is not always reality; you see, Ric Flair is perceived to be this great champion, Ric Flair is perceived to be this winner in the squared circle, Ric Flair is perceived to be one of the all-time greats. No doubt about it, in the ring, Ric Flair, and the Royal Rumble proved that Ric Flair IS a winner. But then life, Ric Flair is no different than all of you; Ric Flair is a loser. Oh yeah, Ric Flair's a loser and tonight proves it, by the way. Ya see, in reality, in reality the Ric Flairs of the world, in real life, when they're pitted against the Vince McMahons, the Vince McMahons ALWAYS win. Ric Flair is coming out here tonight for one reason, and it's not the reason he stated earlier. I hope you don't buy that crap about Ric Flair claiming that - well, he's gonna sign the document tonight because of all the future generations of the WWF - because of all the WWF fans? Ric Flair doesn't give a DAMN about all you fans! Matter of fact, I care more about you than Ric Flair ever will! Ric Flair is gonna sign this document tonight because Ric Flair has LOST to Vince McMahon! However, you'll see in a moment as we open the briefcase here, and go through these documents (which Mr. Flair's attorney has done as well) you would note a couple of things, #1 it states that Vince McMahon (that would be me) that Vince McMahon owns one hundred, and controls one hundred percent of the stock of the World Wrestling Federation. The only bad thing about this is that Ric Flair insisted a clause be inserted in that contract, insisted a clause be inserted that states that at the current time I am prohibited from bringing in the NWO. You know, but you can't help but wonder what would have happened if the NWO arrived here in the World Wrestling Federation? I don't have to wonder, I know - 'cause the NWO, those band of bloodthirsty cutthroats would have cut a swath through the World Wrestling Federation wide enough and deep enough to float a battleship! The NWO would have knocked the World Wrestling Federation right off its very axis. And one day, day I hope to be doing business with you. Now that's what would have happened, now let's get down to brass tacks, and what is actually going to happen in reality. So with that in mind, allow me to introduce the man who, tonight, will sign his proverbial life is RIC FLAIR. No no no no no, cut the music - cut the music. I said CUT THE DAMN MUSIC!" Flair at least has ONE lawyer with him, I should note. "No, there's no more big entrance music for Ric Flair - no, it's all over, Ric. No more pomp and circumstance, no - it's gone, Ric - 'cause tonight, you're walkin' the aisle...for the very, very last time. C'mon, Ric." "We want Flair!" "You know, you can't help but feel sorry for Ric Flair here tonight. I know, Ric, I feel sorry for ya and you know why? Not because you're gonna sign this document...that's the right thing for you to do. I feel sorry for you tonight because they heard your very last woooo in a town like Norfolk, Virginia. ... Woooo. Have a seat, Mr. Flair. Come on. Have a seat. Let's get down to business, come on. What do you say? Open that up. Enough of this crap. Come on, Ric, have a seat! You've reviewed the documents; so has your attorney. There's no surprises here. You've all read the fine print, look at it, sit down, I'll sign the document right after you do. There we go." Flair finally takes the seat. Vince proffers the document - and, painstakingly, the pen. "Come on, Ric, take the pen. Whatever you do - whatever you do - don't have second thoughts about signing this document." Ric looks out to the crowd...then back at Vince. Then he stands...walks away... Vince rises as well. "Now wait just a damn minute! Are you gonna listen to these...people, or are you gonna listen to your conscience, Flair? I'm told, I'm told you came out here earlier tonight and talked about signing this document, not because of Ric Flair, but because of future WWF generations, Ric. That's what you said, dammit! So sit down and SIGN IT." Ric moves back to the chair - Vince pounds the table - Ric sits again. Vince breaks into a smile. Flair stares...pen to paper - "Ric" - he dots his "i" with a circle? "You signed your first name - now dammit, finish it off, sign your full name, Flair!" But the breaking of glass interrupts the proceedings. The lawyers know what's up - they scatter as STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN hits the ring for four corners of pose. Then he swipes the mic from Vince. "What? You were gonna say somethin'. What?" "You son of a--" "What? Son of a what?" "You s--" "What? It smells like crap out here! You're fulla what? He's fulla what? What? What? What? What? You're a jackass! You're an idiot! You're pathetic! You suck! You're pathetic! You're a miserable piece of trash. Ric...didn't get quite through signin' that paper, didja? If you think Ric Flair oughta take this contract, tear it into pieces, and tell Vince McMahon and the NWO to go to hell, gimme a hell yeah. What? What? What? What? In case you didn't hear 'em, they said 'hell yeah' - what?" Flair goes for the contract - McMahon takes a swing at him but he ducks it - RIGHT HAND FROM FLAIR! Austin adds KICK WHAM STUNNER and Flair gets to ripping up the contract. Beer me, beer me, beer me, beer me, beer for you, toast, swig, credits, we'll see Monday I guess.

[slash] wrestling

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