I GET LETTERS:
Going back to Monday's bonus column, I appear to have
reached a higher level of resonance than normal...lots of folks shared
memories of THEIR cars with me. I thank all of you, not only for the
letters, but for knowing I'm not the only crazy person out there. (wink)
On a different matter, a brush with fame from Chris Cheavers: Mr. Z,
I lost my one chance to scoop.
Three weeks ago, I was wasting away four hours at the Tampa, FL airport -- preferring to doze off in a Chick-Fil-A rather then spend the afternoon in my company's local office.
From around the corner, I hear the x-ray attendants giggling and laughing and fawning. I look up to see Mr. Hogan strutting along in full nWo regalia. My first thought was, "Cool. But, gee, let it go, man. That was like 4 years ago."
Good thing I'm not a reporter. Missed a scoop, but then again, it IS about as interesting as Sherry Stringfield's return to ER.
KINGS UPDATE: 37-12 - thanks Michael Jordan! No word yet on whether Chris Webber will be over his stomach virus in order to complete his anti-Shaq and make the All-Star game. Look for Peja to choke in the 3 point shootout like he always does on Saturday!
UPN - Thursday!
TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!
Annoying Two Minute Plus Clip Package - she's PREGNANT!
Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!
IT'S PYRO! It's the Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA! It's 7.2.2 (taped 5.2)! It's SAP transmitido en espanol on UPN and the Score! It's 17,905 in the house and you and me on the Internet! It's WWF SMACKDOWN!
THE ROCK opens the show - hey! The Rock opens the show! IT'S AN OUTRAGE! I guess. Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Bad Things Happened in the main event, mainly involving Taker and a pipe. Rock, stick; stick, Rock. I'm told you've met before! "Undertaker! You wanna hit the Rock in the head with a steel pipe? You wanna beat some respect into the Rock? Well let the Rock show you what kinda respect for you, Undertaker, the Rock knows you're here tonight. He knows you have a match against Maven tonight. But the Rock says that has to wait. Because right now, Undertaker the Rock wants you to come out--" "Can U Dig It - Sucka?" interrupts which means BOOKER TIO is interrupting things again. This must be his new gimmick: the interrupting guy "You know something, Rock? There is one thing I can't stand and that's a sucka with a big ego, and a big head like yours. You see, I'm the one who beat Triple H last week. I'm the one who kicked his (ass) last Monday night. And I'm the one that's gonna make an example outta you. Now can u dig that...sucka." "Oh, the Rock can dig it. The Rock can dig it, but see...see, Booker T, it goes down like this, you see, you want to come out and make an example out of the Rock - the Rock saw you last week, you wanna be in the movies so bad, well the Rock'll tell you this, Booker T, why don't you come on down, and you and the Rock, we can make a movie right here LIVE on SmackDown!" T starts to ringside... "Oh, the Rock's not done, the Rock's not done, no no no no no, no, no, Booker T, the Rock's not done. You wanna be a leadin' man? We got the lights, we got the cameras, we got the action, you come on in - the name of the movie is gonna be 'The Rock, Whoopin' Your Candy (Ass) All Over LA!'" T hits the ring, and it's on...Rock right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, duck, flying clothesline. Right, right, right, off the ropes, but T lands a pump kick and Rock goes down. Tim White's just made his way down to the ring, and I guess it's a REAL match...
ROCK v. BOOKER TIO - T stomps, stomp, stomp, stomp. Picks up Rock - right hand. Right. Chop, chop, chop. Tonight: Maven vs. Undertaker! Rock reverses - chop, chop, chop, chop. Tries to take him out of the corner, but T reverses into a back heel kick. Stomp. T mounts him and punches away - that's five rights before White gets to 4. Rock into the ropes, reversed, but T kicks - off the ropes, but Rock tosses him over the top to the floor! Rock goes out after him. Right by Rock, but T reverses and puts Rock hard into the barricade - then delivers a clothesline. Throats him on the barricade. T with the chop. Chop. Finally we're back in the ring...crowd chants "Rock E." STEPHANIE'S PREGNANT THAT'S RIGHT PREGNANT. Rock ducks the Harlem sidekick, gutshot, DDT! PREGNANCY! Both men down, White's up to 9...but both men get to their feet. Rock with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT NO T ducks - but Rock just catches him on the flipside anyway. Into the ropes, belly to belly throw - Rock gets 2. Big posedown tonight! Rock right, T pulls him into a short clothesline. Gutshot, off the ropes with the axe kick...crowd boos and doesn't stop because they know it's coming - T consults his hand - it could be - it is - the breakdance spin back to his feet! Oops, took a bit too long - Rock calmly nips up and gives T the spinebuster. There goes the elbowpad - there goes the People's Elbow - there's the cover, leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! (4:28)
EARLIER TODAY! A doctor met with Triple H and Stephanie - and you can BET the cameras were there! PREGNANCY! PREGNANT!
The NWO was at Auschwitz! This clip proves it! Ooh, graffiti on the NO WAY OUT sign...I think Edge just got another phone call from 1998
Trish Stratus (who is not pregnant, to my knowledge) shills Stacker 2 while some guy stands next to her
Commentators shill "Space Jam" - immediately following an ad for "Space Jam" - WELL DONE, UPN. WELL DONE
LOOK! The Staples Center sure has some garish lighting!
EARLIER TODAY! The happy couple met with the obstetrician. They flew him all the way out for Los Angeles? He says "smashing" a lot. They look at an ultrasound - Stephanie's apparently eight weeks along. This devolves into the Pointless Stephanie Segment I've been religiously skipping of late, so I see no need to elucidate further
Kurt Angle is WALKING! And...pushing a baby buggy?
Catch the WWF LIVE! Saturday, Albuquerue! Sunday, El Paso! RAW is Arkansas State University (SOLD OUT) and Tuesday is Little Rock! Why can't they just say "Jonesboro?"
Booker T stars in this ad for Hungry Man - boy, that Booker T sure likes his...fried chicken....HEY WAIT A MINUTE I AM OUTRAGED
Here's a quick set of clips to show you that over the years, Kevin Nash has had many hair hues. fafafafaLYFE
The WWF Slam of the Week is presented by Xbox! From RAW, Kurt Angle disrupts Triple H's potential victory over Booker T following a Pedigree
KURT ANGLE's out, rolling the carriage out to the ring. STEPHANIE IS PREGNANT! "Well, well, well - look who's goin' to WrestleMania! None other than Your Olympic Hero, that's who. Now unlike most people in this town, I'm not a pathetic suckup...but I simply stated my argument to Mr. McMahon. The fact that Triple H cheated in the Royal Rumble, reiterated as an Olympic Gold Medalist that I deserve a title shot for the Undisputed title at WrestleMania. And thankfully, Mr. McMahon saw it my way - so there you have it, Your Olympic Hero has a title shot at 'Mania, and all I have to do is beat Triple H at No Way Out. That's a gimme. Now that should have been the big news item of the week...and as you airheads here in LA would say - oh it's true - that should have created some 'buzz.' But it was overshadowed by the OTHER big announcement...that Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley's having a baby. Wow. Now I never felt sorry for a baby before, not 'til last Monday night. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm sure that Stephanie's gonna make a great mom...but imagine having to go through life with Triple H as your father. Wow. I mean, even as a fetus, the kid's smarter than his dad. Now, I'm not a scientist, but lookin' at Triple H, with the sloping forehead, (scrunches eyebrows) and the mean, angry face, (makes face) and the bare knuckles draggin' on the ground...(lopes) I mean, I'm not a scientist, but Triple H is not a man - he's something else - literally! Now Triple H, I understand that you visited a doctor today about your baby. I want you to forget about the doctor, because I know EXACTLY what your baby's gonna look like. Check THIS out!" Angle goes to the carriage and removes...a plush gorilla, complete with big fake nose and Red Baron emroidered logo. "It's Triple H Jr.! Say hi, Triple H Jr.! 'I AM THE BABY GAME.' I know you are! And look what your Uncle Kurt got for you, he got you a little gift!" He removes a gift box. "Look at the present, Triple H Jr. Here, I'll open it up with you. Oh my gosh - it's baby bananas! WOW! I'll peel this one for you, Triple H Jr." Surprisingly, Cole is indignantly saying "Angle's a jerk!" instead of laughing uproariously like he would if, say, it were the Rock up there doing the exact same bit, or if Triple H were a hell, or....well, you know. "Here you go, Triple H Jr. Oh what did you say? They're That Damn Good? WOW. You're just like your mommy, you must take after your mommy because she actually has manners! Unlike your mean, nasty, angry, neanderthal daddy, (kissy noises)... I'll put this away, Triple H Jr..." Here comes THE NEW MAN. "Hey Triple H! Meet your bouncing baby boy! He even smells like you! Actually, I think he went poo poo. But you know, you guys look a lot alike - look at the nose! You've a big cute nose (kissy noises)..." By now, H has hit the ring - right hand - and throws the baby buggy on top of him. Eight big stomps - one more carriage toss but Angle's already out of the ring. H throws it out of the ring at him. Then he throws his kid out of the ring! NO! Play his music! Angle better start - whew, he *did* start smiling. If Angle doesn't put across "I got to you" then there's really no POINT to this whole segment, is there? Not that that would've stopped them BEFORE...
Trish Stratus Stacker 2 again yeah
RAW ad - wedding vows will be renewed. Hmm, all these clips are from the aborted wedding with Test - ohh, sorry, my memory must be acting up by working...hmm I wonder if there'll be any matches on RAW, the ad doesn't say. Hmm, I wonder if there'll be any matches TONIGHT
And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, brought to you by Jared! From RAW, Edge interrupts Rikishi's intercontinental title shot, but it's all good 'cause Regal gets a stinkface. Wow, I barely remember ANY of this - what an effect it's had on me!
WILLIAM REGAL and DUDLEY BOYZ (with SmackDown! is brought to you by truth, Clearasil, and Subway!) v. RIKASHMONEY and POINTS TO SELF (with Let Us Take You Back to RAW) and KING EDGE - Teddy Long pats down Regal, for all the good THAT'LL do. I haven't noted it before, but ring announcer TONY CHIMEL is *finally* announcing Rikishi at a mere 350 pounds. ROB ZOMBIE is in the crowd tonight - right there! Pier Six brawl to start - Edge and Regal go outside, Rikishi puts Bubba out, leaving our one on one - D-Von gives van Dam the jumpin' back elbow and we're ready. Right by D-Von, van Dam into the corner - boot up but D-Von pulls up - van Dam ducks the swing and gives him a Frankensteiner. Crossbody from the second rope gets 2. Heel kick ducked, but the followthrough heel kick lands. Tag to Edge - into the ropes, van Dam does the splits so D-Von can go over him and run into the Viscera kick from Edge. Stomp by Edge, into the corner is reversed, but he gets the boots up. Dropkick! 1, 2, no! Maven vs. Undertaker later! Posedown later! Right hand by D-Von - put into the unfriendly corner, but he elbows out Regal and Bubba - boot up on D-Von - but Edge gets ankled and Bubba and Regal make a wish with the post. Regal and D-Von with a stompdown - was there a tag? I dunno. Euro uppercut. Into the ropes, Edge ducks, Edge hits the crossbody for 2. Kneelift by Regal, knee off the ropes, 1, 2, no. Edge put into the corner, elbow in the back of the head, tag to Bubba - open right to the ribs. Bubba right, right, right. "Look at Edge! Look at him!" Elbow, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, points to himself, axehandle, 1, 2, no. Tag to D-Von. Open shot to the ribs. Remind me to say something about Lawler and Flair when this match is over. Edge fires back - right, D-Von right, Edge, D-Von, D-Von, D-Von, D-Von, D-Von, D-Von, D-Von...hmm. Sets him up for a slop drop - Edge does the full backflip to escape - catches the fist and hits his half nelson bulldog...thing! Both men are down. Tag to Bubba - HOT TAG TO RIKISHI! 'kishi ducks Bubba...so he pops van Dam on the apron instead - turns back to take a right - Regal gets a right - one for Bubba - one for Regal - one for D-Von on the apron - Samoan Drop for Bubba - 1, 2, shoulder up. Regal in - no, Regal over the top to the outside. D-Von in - HE gets a RIKISHIKICK! Bubba with the clothesline and he AND Rikishi go out - van Dam with a top rope kick for D-Von - off the ropes with Rolling Thunder! Regal in - gutshot, butterfly powerbomb! Edge in with a SPEAR for Regal! Bubba Ray back in, putting Edge's shoulder into the ringpost. That leaves Rikishi with the fat ass splash on Bubba Ray, who dutifully flumps down for the stinkface. But D-Von's back in...Rikishi runs smack into 3D (Dudley Death Drop) and Bubba manages to make the cover for the pin. (5:07) Edge is still working over Regal on the ramp...the Dudz finally make the save as Regal puts on his brass knuckles - Power of the Punch! Regal adds a Regal stretch as Edge "bleeds from the mouth" - the Dudz stave off all the REFS. van Dam finally gets in a shot on Regal to break that up. Heels celebrate as we go to the break.
SMILE CLAY HENRY SMILE
Hooray, Mentos ads! Must be a sweeps month tactic
(Hey what were you gonna say about Lawler?) Oh yeah, he really hates Flair. But I wonder on another level if Lawler's just trying to find some way to ingratiate himself into one more big-time PPV match....against Flair. I wonder if they'd ever be desperate enough to try to write THAT one.
Yet Another NWO spot
TONIGHT: a Posedown! Billy & Chuck vs. Torrie & Stacy!
TONIGHT: for the hardcore title, Undertaker vs. Maven!
MR. JERICHO is out, and since he's (with SAP transmitido en espanol & TV-PG-DLV), it's probably safe to say this segment will last at least eleven minutes. We burn two just with Jericho's entrance. Jericho *does* have some really cool pants, although Cole intimates they musth have been purchased in West Hollywood. "You know what - you would think that after last Monday night, after I beat the Rock for the unprecedented 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, SIXTH time...that I would finally begin to get the recognition and the respect that I deserve but NOOOO - No! Everywhere I go, whether it be the hotel, or in the streets, or talkin' to all the losers on Hollywood Boulevard, it's the same thing: 'At No Way Out, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna kick your (ass)! At No Way Out, Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna win the Undisputed Championship!' Well I say to hell with No Way Out, to hell with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and to hell with waiting, because ah feel like fighting Austin right now, tonight! So, Austin, if you've got any guts in that dumb (ass) o' yours, I dare you, I BEG you to come down here, right now, right here! Come on, Austin, you coward! Get out here right now, and face the champ!" The glass breaks and here comes STONE COLD ST-- WAIT, THAT'S WILL SASSO, ISN'T IT. A beer belly! A beer belly! A beer belly! Sasso scales all four corners and does more of a D-Lo Brown impression than an Austin impression, but no worries. Give him a mic! "All right, jackass - are you ready for a beating?" "What?" "I said, are you ready to fight me right now?" "Where?" "Right here, you beer drinking, tobacco spitting, foul-mouthed stupid donkey redneck!" "Why?" "Why? 'cause I'm gonna prove that *I* am better than you." "Who?" "The larger than life, living legend, Undispyooted Champion of the World Chris Jericho, that's who!" "How?" "By givin' you an Undisputed Beating, junior - what do you have to say about that?" "You're asking Stone Cold what he has to say? What? Well I'll tell you something - it doesn't matter what the Rattlesnake says, no, it matters what my watch is telling me. My watch is telling me it's time - Chris Jericho, my watch is telling me it's time - it's time for Stone Cold to face facts - it's time for Stone Cold to come clean - it's time for Stone Cold Steve Austin to finally realise...you're the better man, Chris Jericho, and I ain't gonna beatcha at No Way Out." Sasso mock cowers - but quickly changes his demeanor when the music hits again and THE REAL STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN hits the ring - Sasso freezes, while Jericho wisely rolls out of the ring. Austin gives a (blurred) bird to Sasso between corner poses. Austin relieves Sasso of the mic. "What? What? Can I ask you a question? What the hell is going on here? I said what's going on? Que pasa? What? Look at that piece of trash right there. Is that Chris Jericho? Is that Y2J? Is that the Undisputed CHAMP? Is that the man that put you up to this? Go ahead, say something--what? SHUT UP. Is this your idea, Chris? You think it's funny, you got those two little belts around your shoulder? Let me give you the bottom line right now, and read my lips - at No Way Out, those little titles are comin' with Stone Cold Steve Austin, ain't a damn thing that you can do about it? Do I make myself clear? Do you understand me? Comprende? Savvy? Do you get it? It don't matter if you get it or you don't get it, either way, son, those belts are comin' with Stone Cold Steve Austin...now you. Would you do me a favour? Would you help Stone Cold--" Jericho tries to sneak up from behind, but Austin spots him and throws a right, right, right, and Jericho's out again. Austin throws the belt back out at Jericho. "Get your little belts - get your little belts with you, you little son of a (bitch). Get your (ass) outta here! Stone Cold..." Sasso tried to make a run for it, but Austin's frozen him again. "What? Did I say Stone Cold? You ain't Stone Cold. Get your (ass) back in here. We're gonna have a little conversation, you 'n' me. Do you feel good about what you did? Are you gonna win an award? Are you proud of yourself? You gotcher little goatee, your little mustache, your little shaved head, your little bloodshot eyes. You know what? You don't even smell like beer. You wanna drink a beer with the real Stone Cold Steve Austin? What?" "That would be great--" "Wouldn't that be great? Would that be swell? That'd be a good time. Say 'that'd be great, Mr. Austin.'" "That would--" "What? Hand me a coupla beers." Beer me, beer me. "Yeah, I'll open it for you - you can have mine. Now, you won't ever do this again, right? You promise? Do I have your word? Cross your heart? Hope to die? Stick a thousand needles right in your little eye? We got a deal? Thank you." They toast - of course, in mid-guzzle KICK WHAM STUNNER. Hit the music! Beer me, beer me, beer me, corner pose whoops dropped one, glug glug, beer me, beer me, glug glug, one poured on Sasso, glug glug
Over to the locker room, where Al Snow is ready with a pep talk for Maven. "Tonight's the night, Maven. Tonight's the night you've been working for, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I want you to forget what Taker did to you last week. But don't let it affect ya. Tonight is not a regular match, tonight is a hardcore match. It's for the championship. Taker's a tough old dog and it's his yard, I know. If he's gonna beat your (ass), let it be a man's (ass). You understand? You do whatever you have to do, whatever it takes...and no matter what happens, know I'll always be proud of you. And hey, if things go really bad, I got the car running, it's gassed up - and I'll get you outta there as quick as I can, and get you shoved in there and we'll get you off to a hospital, okay?"
Another NWO spot
Tough Enough 2 is coming in three weeks!
PAULINA is in the crowd! Who cares?
Chris Jericho is WALKING! His mood darkens considerably when Flair catches up to him. "Hey, Champ! How are ya, man?" "What do you want?" "Didn't I hear you say you wanted to wrestle tonight?" "NO." "Yeah, I did - you wanted to wrestle Austin!" "No, I didn't." "...but I'm kinda saving the title shot with Austin for No Way Out, but...what about a possible prelude to WrestleMania, nontitle, the great Chris Jericho, Undisputed heavyweight champion against ah....Triple H. That sounds good to me, Chris Jericho, Triple H, tonight." "Tonight?" "Woooo! Tonight."
WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: MAVEN (with Al Snow - and Let Us Take You Back to Royal Rumble - hey, we DID see Lita on tonight's show after all!) v. AWESOMETAKER (with Let Us Take You Back 2 Weeks) - Snow sneaks out of the ring as referee "Blind" Mike Chioda displays the hardcore title belt. Here we go! Taker looks pretty unhappy about things - Maven looks spooked. Taker with a finger towards Snow - ready to lock up, but Snow is brandishing a trashcan lid - Maven rolls under the lockup attempt, grabs the lid - WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Taker manages a back elbow to stop the onslaught - into the corner, soupbone, soupbone, knee, threatening move towards Chioda - into the opposite corner, clothesline out. Taker points to Snow again - off the ropes, elbowdrop MISSES - Snow gives Maven a trash can...but Taker punches the can before Maven can use it, putting him down. Taker grabs the can - but Snow pulls Maven out of the ring. Taker out after him - blocks a punch and brings the soupbone. Head to the STEEL steps. Soupbone. Measures the elbow. Maven tries a bodyshot - Taker with a knee. Rolled back in the ring. Stomp. Taker grabs the can - WHACK. Another vicious shot with the can - and there's one more. Snow again pulls Maven outside as we check the SmackDown! Replay. Taker's had enough - soupbone for Snow - and tossed over the barricade into the crowd. This was apparently do distract us from Maven blading - 'cause he's sporting a mean laceration when we look back to him. Back in the ring - Taker giving him the business in a verbal way. Last Ride coming up...no, Snow is back in - and what the hell, use the bell - he gives Taker the bell in the gut! Right hand, right, right, Taker falls into a schoolboy - 1, 2, NO! Taker gives Snow a big boot to put him outside, meanwhile Maven is scaling the ropes - tries a double sledge but Taker catches him in the goozle - CHOKESLAM! 1, 2, TAKER PULLS UP!! He's not done. Big forearm grind in the face. Chioda expresses outrage but this is a hardcore match and anything goes. Taker clamps on the Taker Cara Business - it'll be over soon - unless THE ROCK comes out with a STEEL chair - WHACK! Rock hops around waiting - ROCK BOTTOM! Rock...doesn't pin him? Rock leaves and heads up the aisle as Snow wakes up and exhorts his pupil to try a cover. Crowd really getting into it as Maven slowly crawls to Taker...and drapes an arm over him. 1, 2, 3!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion!! (6:34) Well, it would have been nice to get a longer shot of Maven looking at his first championship...but then we wouldn't get to see the Rock...staring. Nonetheless, an almost perfect "WWF" match, and a great moment.
Oh man, they didn't HAVE to show the Finger Poke, did they? Another NWO spot
MOMENTS AGO! Well hey, they even gave us that good shot of Maven in the replays, so I got NOTHING to complain about...except the absence of Mr. Perfect from the past couple of weeks
JERRY LAWLER takes to the ring to emcee the big...
POSEDOWN: TORRIE WILSON and STACY KEIBLER v. BANDANA BOYZ - Billy and Chuck have opted for the matching miniskirt robes. Lawler explains the poses "back to back, down in front, and face to face." Billy and Chuck display matching hot pants and strike suitably ruggedly mansome poses while Martha Wash instrumentals play in the background. The women, opting for bikinis, hit equivalently quasi-lesbian poses while a selection from the soundtrack of the old "Girls of Hot Rock Video" Action! PPV plays. Time for the audience to decide. The women squeal for the men, but they're outdone by the booing from the men. Big hoots for the women. Lawler declares the women winners...and raises Torrie's hand as she's standing next to Lawler. Torrie's music plays as well. Somehow, this gets Stacy mad and she suddenly remembers she hates Torrie anyway, and the catfight is -- cut abruptly short. Umm, okay. Sadly, this was a DIFFERENT kind of "perfect WWF segment."
No Way Out ad - Jericho/Austin hyped
Ad for next week's St. Valentine's Day SmackDown! - wow, but don't they pull out all the stops during the sweeps month!
And now, the Whack of the Night, presented by Whacko Tobacco! From RAW last Monday, Jazz reverses a Stratusfaction attempt and hits her fishermanbuster to take the Women's title from Trish Stratus.
In his office, Vince is talking to ME on his cel phone - but has to call me back later when it turns out Triple H is standing next to him. "I want you to understand something. I want you to understand how much I hate your guts. I blew out my quad putting money in your pockets. I blew out that quad, and when I did, you told me I was just a piece of meat - a ruined racehorse that you send to the glue factory. I put myself through hell for eight months. I endured more pain, more anguish than I ever thought I could for one reason, and one reason alone, and that was to come back here for the one thing that if you have a passion for this business, if you love this business, means more than anything else, and that is to go to WrestleMania, and that is to be the WWF Champion. Eight months. All of it, to come back early so that I could win the Royal Rumble and guarantee my shot at immortality. I beat 29 men. I defied all the odds, I did what the damn doctors said I would never do! And that was step back in the ring, and I beat those 29 men, and I earned my shot. I EARNED my place at WrestleMania. And then, and then you decide that you will just try to take that away from me, so that you can give a chance to that little asskisser Kurt Angle. You give Kurt Angle a shot at me to take away what I busted my ass for." "If this is about No Way Out--" "Shut up! This is not about me. I'm here for one reason. It just so happens that my wife - your daughter - who is gonna be the mother of my child - happens to have a soft spot in her heart for the bastard that raised her. So she has asked me to come here and speak to you - Monday we're gonna renew our vows, and it would mean the world to my wife (your daughter, the mother of my child) if you were to walk her down the aisle...to renew her vows with me. Now..." "I'll think about it." "You'll think about it, think about this. That child, whether you do it or not...you will never, ever get anywhere near my child...Grandpa." "You think about this. You think about the fact that tonight, you're competing in the ring...against Jericho? But as of right now, it's just not a one on one match with Jericho - tonight, you're competing against both Jericho and Kurt Angle. You've got yourself a handicap match." Wow, he sure showed HIM!
RAW ad #2
Trish Stratus shills Stacker 3 - err, 2 #3
Tazz wants you to smackdown your vote! Go visit smackdownyourvote.com!
NWO spot - I think we've seen this one tonight - hey, if the NWO is such a big deal, how come none of the wrestlers are talking about it tonight?
Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER.
TONIGHT: A handicap match is up next! Triple H vs. Chris Jericho & Kurt Angle!
Outside, JONATHAN COACHMAN (who clearly doesn't know any better) catches up with Rock as he's leaving and asks if he's now even with Undertaker. "Even? Even? The Rock and the Undertaker are even? The Undertaker cost the Rock a shot at the Undisputed championship. And because of that, we ain't even. We ain't never gonna be even, why, because the Rock hit him in the head with a chair and Rock Bottomed his candyass. Is that why? We ain't even. We ain't even this week, we ain't even next week, and at No Way Out, we damn sure ain't gonna be even, 'cause the fact of the UHH--" The sound you last heard was Undertaker punking out Rock from behind in mid-promo. Peppering him with soupbones, Taker punctuates them with "you're damn right - we - ain't - even!" Hard into the parked car. CHOKESLAM on the hood! "We a LONG way from even, Rock!" Taker pulls Rock onto the roof of the car - scoops him up - HOLY SHIT - TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMBSTOOOOOOOOOOONE on the roof of the car!!! "No, Rocky - we ain't even." Taker sits next to Rock and gives him a look. Then he takes off. Rock twitches a bit.
Booker T "Hungry Man" ad #2 - boy, he sure likes his pudding
Listen to Rob Zombie's "Feel So Numb" - it's the theme from No Way Out!
MOMENTS AGO! Three paragraphs ago - we replay practically the entire segment in case you were preparing a snack
Coming back to real time, the EMTs and road agents prepare Rock's neck and get him onto the back board. Coach looks like he's ready to sob.
KURT ANGLE (hosts Heat Sunday) and MR. JERICHO (with No Way Out is brought to you by WWF Shop Zone dot com v. THE NEW MAN in a four website handicap match - hey, why don't you read another letter while we sit through just over two minutes of Triple H's entrance?
I GET LETTERS: Jason Hoagland writes: Chris,
It seems that some of the internet crowd wonder why their favorite heels (Angle, Jericho, Booker et al) can't get over with the crowd as either a serious threat or as a serious heel. Look no further than tonight's Smackdown! as an example. Angle and Jericho get the first entry, which in and of itself is infuriating, and then HHH enters. It's the little things they don't do that make the difference. For instance, Angle and Jericho should have double teamed HHH before he did his whale impression. Instead, to assuage HHH's ego, they let him get the last entrance, pose on the ropes and even get the first shot in.
That's the reason that the faces are seen as so much more dominant.
Lawler says some Motorhead guys are in the front row, but we didn't see them. He also name drops Dennis Hopper and David Arquette (did he call him Triple Arquette? Ay yi yi) The only reason we don't hear the REST of "Lemmy Been a Friend of Mine" is that Triple H decides to dropkick Jericho through the ropes to kick it off. Right hand for Jericho - (edit?) - Angle in - block, right, right, head to the post. Jericho runs in - H ducks and HE hits the post. H puts him over the barrier with a clothesline. Back to Angle, throwing him in the ring, where referee "Blind" Earl Hebner rings the bell. Gutshot, DDT, 1, 2, it's over! It's over! (0:07) No, just kidding. Angle's head to the buckle, kick, kick, Jericho in - block, right, right, right, kick, kick, back to Angle, but he ducks the clothesline - Angle with the German suplex! He wants two but H elbows, elbows, elbows out - only to go down to a Jericho clothesline. Elbow, whip is reversed, H with a back elbow. Angle from behind to knock him down. Kick. H on the apron, Angle after him - H blocks (allegedly) and lands a right to Angle. Jericho hits the springboard dropkick and H rolls to the table. Everybody out. Jericho puts H into the table - so does Angle. Angle with around eleven stomps - I think Jericho got like one. Hebner pulls Angle off of H while Jericho runs him into the STEEL steps. Rolled back in for Angle, hooks the leg, gets 2. Angle stays on the apron - looks like we're back to the standard handicap match rules. Head to the buckle by Angle, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, tag. Jericho, who had been holding H back for Angle, now runs H into a different turnbuckle. Chop, chop, elbow, elbow, kick, kick, Hebner pulls him off - Jericho takes offense just long enough for H to run out with a shouldertackle, spearing him down - there's eight quick punches. Into the ropes, Jericho ducks, then hits the flying jalapeno! Double leg - wants the walls but H is fighting it...Jericho tries to reach down to get better leverage, but H kicks him off - into Angle! Jericho bounces back into a small package - 1, 2, NO! Jericho up with a kick - forearm - tag to Angle - held open for the big kick. Angle right, right, chop, chop, into the opposite corner, but H gets the boot up. H runs in...but Angle catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex! DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Angle tries to grab the Anglelock but H whips him around - into his corner, where he tags out. Jericho with a field goal kick. "Angle sux!" Scoop by Jericho...and a slam. Off the ropes with an elbowdrop - cover - 2. Tag to Angle. Both men stay in and alternate kicks. Into the opposite corner - do si do whip, but Jericho ends up shouldering the post when H slips out! High knee for Angle! Right, right, right, whip into the corner is reversed, H ducks the swing and hits the hangman's neckbreaker. Jericho in - H gives HIM a right - into the ropes, big Arn-style spinebuster. Angle rushes in - H throws him over the top to the floor. Double leg on Jericho - Walls of H! H lets go when Angle comes in - Hlock on Angle! Man I hope I get to see a Stone H Stunner and an H Bottom too - and why not a Legdrop of H? Anyway, Jericho breaks up the anklelock - forearm - into the ropes, wants a (dropkick?) but H ends up catching Jericho in a double leg...and here's a WOW Catapult that takes Jericho all the way to the outside! Angle back in - right, right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, facebuster by H. Where's Jericho - nope, I guess not. Gutshot by H - wants the Pedigree - HERE's Jericho...but his missile dropkick hits Angle! H clotheslines Jericho over the top and outside...where he grabs a chair. ANOTHER gutshot for Angle - wants the Pedigree - Jericho in - SWING and a miss - gutshot for Jericho - wants the Pedigree on HIM - but Angle is up from behind - OLYMPIC SLAM! Angle hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3! (6:42) Out bounces STEFFO to check on her husband - Angle and Jericho both seem to be getting ideas. Hebner is adamant that they stay away, but they ain't listenin'. Jericho stands so close to Stephanie...she backs into a corner. Meanwhile, Triple H has grabbed the chair and WHACKS Angle in the back - then WHACKS Jericho in the head - then swings wildly until Hebner takes off. Aww, big hugz for the Helmsleyz. And a smooch. Play his music! Well that was a pointless bit of-- wait, Angle's back in! Forearm in the back, and H falls on Stephanie! H glowers at Angle...then quickly checks on his wife to make sure she's okay. Stephanie is slow getting up - and her boobs are trying to escape out the sides of her shirt...but she says she's okay. Play his music again! Okay, that was STILL pretty pointless. Oh well, credits are up and we're out!
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