CONSPIRACY THEORIES: Did you happen to notice that Eitan Shapiro gets "sick" the SAME week there's a really, really extra stinky SmackDown! airing?

What *I* wanna know is why the spinning UPN logo always goes "U-P-N-U-P-U-P-N-U-P-U-P-N" like they couldn't afford the alternate N or something - oh, hello there!

UPN! Thursday!

TV-PG-DLV One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

Closed captioned logo in the Opening Credits is beautiful, people!

PYRO AWAY and so am I once again it's on the Fleet Center in Boston, MA SAP transmidito en espanol 28.2.2 (taped 26.2) what a main event we claim to have for you tonight I have run out of punctuation

TONIGHT: Triple H & Kane vs. Chris Jericho & Kurt Angle! WHY? WHY NOT!

HARDY BOYZ & CHEATA v. DUDLEY BOYZ & STACY DUDLEY in saucy, yet runny intergender action - Stacy comes out with a heavily bandaged right calf - awww. Bubba has THE STICK: "Earlier today, Stacy was involved in a very difficult and vigorous photo shoot, and the poor girl injured her leg. Therefore, our NEW partner will be the WWF Women's Champion, JAZZZZZZZZZ." Notice we never actually see Bubba's lips move during this speech - this means it's a post-production voiceover redo thing, usually. Jazz wastes no time getting ALLLLLLL UP in Lita's area - before this comes to anything, the four men restrain their partners - well, for a while, at least - Jazz with another cheap shot on Jazz - Matt chases her but eats a clothesline from Bubba Ray to go outside. Looks like it's the two ladies to start. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Pulled out of the corner - there's a suplex by Jazz. Dares Lita to get up - left, left, Lita ducks the right - right, right, whip is reversed, but Lita manges a flying headscissors off the ropes. Right hand, off the ropes, but Bubba grabs the hair to take her down from behind. Jazz to her knees - right, right, right, picks her up - scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, big splash MISSES. Jazz tags Bubba Ray, Lita tags Jeff! Jeff with a dropkick, dropkick, right, into the corner whip is reversed, but Jeff stairsteps up and moonsaults off...to nothing as Bubba Ray steps aside - 1, 2, Matt breaks it up. While referee "Blind" Mike Chioda puts Matt back, D-Von comes in to assist on a double neckbreaker on Jeff. D-Von stays in without a tag - stomp, stomp. Into the ropes, jumpin' back elbow. D-Von shows Jeff to his corner - then forearms him in the back. Into the unfriendly corner - Jeff gets the boots up, but Bubba Ray gets him from behind - then shoves him into the ropes, and into a D-Von powerslam (nice) for 2. Tag to Bubba. Jeff put into the ropes, double flapjack. Bubba with the old school elbowdrop, elbowdrop, "this one's for you (to Matt)," axehandle gets 2. Jeff lunches to his corner but Bubba has a good handful of hair - pounding away on the back. Right hand. Into the corner - Jeff goes up and over, and ends up hitting a Frankensteiner! Bubba staggers into a punch from Matt - Jeff with a gutshot and DDT off the bounce. BOTH men are down - Bubba tags D-Von, HOT TAG TO MATT! Matt with the clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes, baaack body drop, free shot for Bubba, sitout clothesline for D-Von (Cole: "He calls that the Side Effect!" Me: "He's the ONLY one calling it that.") - 1, 2, Jazz breaks it up. THIS brings in Lita and well gosh, all hell's broken loose now. Jazz and Lita tumble outside as, in the ring, Bubba pulls Matt into a scoop slam...but before D-Von can come off the top, Lita shoves him off into the ring! Matt rolls up Bubba and now he and *Lita* are in postition for "How Are You Doing?" Matt does a comedic "oh that's gotta hurt" dance in sympathy. Jeff with a pescado on Bubba to keep them out of the ring - D-Von ducks a clothesline, but Matt hits a right, right, and clotheslines him over the top to the outside. Jazz is in (LUCHA RULES!) - gutshot, wants the fishermanbuster but Matt blocks it - and suplexes her! Lita is chomping for a tag - and gets it! There's a spear - mounth, right, right, right, right - Matt with an apron-run clothesline on D-Von to keep THEM out of the ring. Alleged tilt-a-whirl slam by Lita - 1, 2, NO!! Lita dares her to get up - gutshot, wants the Twist of Fate, but *Stacy* is in - and hitting a picture perfect spinning roundhouse kick with her bandaged leg. Jazz follows it with a gusthot and fishermanbuster (Cole: "fisherman's buster" - well, E for effort there) - and cover for the 1, 2, 3. (5:45) Stacy happily hops on both legs - you know, I'm starting to think that injury was all just a big ruse! Here's your replay to confirm it. Lawler says "Benny Hinn" which at least shocks the heck outta Cole.

EARLIER TODAY! In his dressing room, Taker watched his RAW tape until there was a door slam. "Well, hey Mr. Co-owner of the WWF! Why don't you come on over here, I'm watchin' the tape of Monday Night RAW." "You cold-hearted (bastard). That's my best friend." "What, this guy here bleedin'?" "Are you enjoying yourself?" "No, I'm not enjoying myself - and you might as well save all the drama for somebody who wants to hear it. All I want outta you is a yes. Are we on, or are we not on?" "This is all about WrestleMania?" "Yeah, it's all about WrestleMania." Flair turns off the monitor and VCR, and removes the tape. "What are you doin'? I'm watchin' that. It was gettin' to the best part. What are you doin'?" "You want my answer? You'll get it - TONIGHT!" Flair throws the videocassette into the wall and takes off. Taker laughs. "Yeah, I sure will, won't I." More laughing...

WrestleMania spot - I'm sorry, but you ain't watching WrestleMania on a TV that doesn't have any CABLE going into it...

Big Show shills Stacker 2

Tough Enough 2: The Casting Special is TONIGHT!

Take a look at the FleetCenter!

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN limps out to the ring, chair in hand. Before he says a word, though, the NWO walk out and stand on the stage looking...well, not "scary." I don't know. "First sum(bitch) that comes to this ring, I will guarantee your (ass) that Stone Cold Steve Austin might go down, but I will damn sure, damn sure take one o' you sum(bitches) with me!" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa, Stone Cold, just relax a minute. After what Scott Hall did to your right knee last Monday night, you're in no position to be making threats towards anyone - let alone the N W O. It appears to me, you're not in a whole lot better shape than the Rock is...courtesy of Hulk Hogan. And speaking of the Rock, as you know, Mr. Austin, the Rock isn't gonna be here tonight. So I'm taking the liberty tonight to produce my own epic saga on the true icon of the World Wrestling Federation, Hollywood Hulk Hogan. So brothers, it looks to me like you've got Mr. Austin well in hand - looks like the gimp is in checkmate, so apparently my services aren't needed here tonight, so if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna go back and get to work on my own epic saga. He's all yours." Nash was to slap Hogan five before he leaves, but Hogan just holds out his fists - they never DO get it together on that. Hogan leaves the mic with Hall. "Hey, Austin! You white trash, beer guzzlin' redneck! Don't you get it? We put the Rock down...and out! And we put you down. And in case you don't remember, you need a little refresher course in NWO 1 oh 1...just take a look at this footage." Let Us Take You Back to RAW when Hall did the thing with the cinder block. "Hey Austin! That's just the beginning of you gettin' treated like an animal. Because at WrestleMania, you too go DOWN...then out!" "You know, Scott, instead o' waitin' on WrestleMania, why don't you walk down there right now and kick that gimp's (ass)?" "No no no no no, you ain't gotta do a damn thing - you ain't gotta walk down here - Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna walk up there. Did you understand me, I'm gonna walk up there. And I ain't even gon' bring my little friend." Austin puts down the chair and mic and leaves the ring. "Come on, come get some! Come on, big man...come on, Rattlesnake!" Austin stops halfway up the ramp. "Take your - yeah, that's it - you're yellow! Take it on back to Texas - take it on back to Texas-- he's gotta gun!!" Austin shoots a net and hits Nash...he goes for Hall, but only gets one shot in before Hall strikes - right, right, right, kick. Right, kicks the knee, kicks the knee one more time. With Nash freed, Hall and Nash take off. A couple of replays of the net shot - well, I mean it looks cool and all, but I don't think Austin thought that through really well.

And now, the Whack of the Night, presented by Whacko (if you're a teen) Tobacco! From RAW, van Dam takes the #1 contendership to the IC in a three-way with Storm and Show

WILLIAM REGAL v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW in a nontitle match - Regal ducks the punch and kicks the back of the leg - Show still manages to get Regal in the choke, but Regal breaks it up - knee - off the ropes...Show catches him in a bearhug. Four forearms get Regal free - he runs into the big boot and goes outside. Regal tries to take a powder but Show hops over the top and goes after him. Well it's the big headbutt. Regal's head meets the STEEL steps. Rolled back in - Regal rolls out but doesn't notice Show is still outside, waiting for him. Well it's the big knee. Show presses Regal over the top rope and back in - and follows. Regal manages a gutshot, but no effect there - Show with a knee, three overhead forearms, three knees in the mush, big boot is DUCKED and Regal kicks the back of the exposed leg. Whip - nope, Show pulls him into a short clothesline. Show runs Regal hard into the corner. Another Irish whip into the opposite corner. Back to the first corner, Show runs in but meets two boots. Show recovers quickly - well it's the big knee - opposite corner whip but Regal gets the boot up - he's going for the knux but Show lands a big slap. Into the ropes, well it's the big back elbow. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Regal *does* have the brass knuckles on, we see - Regal somehow shoves referee "Blind" Chad Patton into the ropes (I think there was an edit in there, unless Patton has mastered "teleport") - lands the Power of the Punch on Show, who slumps into the ropes, the bounces off TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR onto Regal - 1, 2, 3! (2:45) Regal flails about and FINALLY manages to kick out from under the dead weight. Replay of Show landing on him - and Regal's humourous "impending doom" face.

Catch the WWF live! Tomorrow, Tampa! Then, Lake Charles, Ft. Worth, Austin for RAW, and next week SmackDown! is LIVE in San Antonio!

Booker T shills Hungry (Brotha) Man

3 weeks 'til WrestleMania!

Booker T wrote his own script for the Japanese shampoo. "Yo! Japanese people! What's the deal witchyo nasty hair? Just because you know kung fu (waaaaaa) doesn't mean you know sham poo...but that's all about to change, thanks to NEW...Yakamoshi shampoo! It won't make your hair look as good as mine (shakes head) but you gotta start somewhere!" Damn, that's just a bottle of SUAVE with some construction paper taped to it - the WWF sure got cheap, didn't they? At least the katakana approximation of SHAMPOO is written there. (sha-N-puu) Ah, no wonder - the camera pans over to show Tajiri's reaction. Torrie, now speaking fluent Japanese provides translation - "he says it's very...offensive." "Very offensive? Hey I wrote this myself! You axe that sucka what's wrong with it?" "He wants to know why you make fun of his people's hair when yours looks like...." "Buck..wheat...on....crack." "You didn't just say that. Tell me you didn't just say that. You know what - I don't know why I axe your advice anyway...SUCKA."

Cut to Jericho and...oh my, I lost interest. Jericho bought the wrong brand of hand lotion and who gives a fuck. Lawler says "Enron"

Maven! It's Maven! He's made it in the WWF! Because! He! Is! WALKING!!!

The WWF Fanatix presentation for March is "Before They Were WWF Superstars" and it debuts on Wednesday!

Check out the Drowning Pool CD - you know it, you've seen it before - "Tear Away" is the official theme of WrestleMania X-8...kind of a comedown from "My Way," isn't it?

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: MAVEN (with TV-PG-DLV & SAP transmitido en espanol) v. GOLDUST - Only in the WWF does the second hour start at forty-six minutes into the FIRST hour. Hey, check out CHRIS in the front row...*looking skeptical!!!!* Someone's taught Maven how to pour an entire bottle of water over his head before coming out to the ring. Nice of Maven to finally put his title on the line after all this time...Tough Enough 2 starts tonight, Tough Enough 2 starts tonight, Tough Enough 2 starts tonight. Wow, doesn't it feel like you're watching the show reading my description? Tough Enough 2 starts tonight! Maven turns his back - dummy - Goldust clotheslines him down. Stomp. Into the ropes, butt butt! Right, right, right, the gold dust is STILL trickling down from the ceiling...snapmares him over, drops the hammer, gets 2. Into the ropes is reversed by Maven - there's an atomic drop. Goes for the clothesline but Goldust lowers the bridge and Maven goes outside. This just in: the NWO has left the building. Goldy tosses two cans into the ring and keeps the lid - WHACK. Maven rolled into the ring - everybody back in. Ready with the can - but Maven kicks the can (literally, not figuratively) and it ends up in Goldust's face - Maven covers - 1, 2, no! Goldust right back up with a gutshot and DDT. Can placed between the ropes in the corner. Goldust drags him over and readies himself for the WOW Catapult into the trashcan...and then Maven falls backwards into the backbreaker across the knees! Goldust doesn't hold it long, though. Suplex coming up - make it a gourdbuster, instead. Goldust back out...and producing the fire extinguisher. Shoved into the ring, Goldust back between the ropes. Big pose...now going for the extinguisher, and unfortunately holding the end right to his face...so Maven can unleash the CO2! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3! Champ retains...THE DREAM IS ALIVE! (3:10) Goldust quickly takes a cheap shot to drive him back down...and then "Rollin'" hits and AWESOMETAKER drives out. Hey I *know* those steps were against the ring just a second ago - how the HELL did they stand on end? I don't know HOW it happened, but it did - Taker completes a lap around the ring, then climbs off the bike to hit the ring, where Maven remains. Running boot! Taker picks him up, and tosses him into the corner. Soupbone! Soupbone! Chasing off referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas, Taker returns with a kick, soupbone, stands him up, measure a back elbow, back elbow...now AL SNOW has run out - attacking from behind, right, right, right, clothesline that takes Taker out of the ring! I think Snow is challenging him to a fight - and Korderas is calling for the bell...? Taker in the ring - Snow with a right, kick, right, right, right, the bell DOES ring...

AWESOMETAKER v. AL SNOW - ...right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed, and Taker FLATTENS Snow with a clothesline. Big ol' headbutt. Whip into the opposite corner - Snow slides out - Taker ducks the clothesline, but Snow is right back around with a right, right, right, savat kick that takes Taker to the outside! Taker DOES manage to ankle Snow out of the ring, putting him into the barricade, then HARD into the STEEL steps. Head to the steps. Taker scares off timekeeper MARK YEATON and grabs his chair. "He asked for this!" WHACK it's a miss, Taker hitting the steps instead. Snow with a right, chop, head to the steps, grabs the chair, chases off Korderas, winds up...but ends up in a choke...Taker with the chokeslam on the floor!! Snow rolled back in the ring - Taker follows. But now THE MAN is out, just as Taker gives Snow the TCB! Flair goes to the bike, pulls out the lead pipe, and PIPES Taker! Pipe in the gut! Pipe on the back! Pipe to the gut! Pipe to the body! Once more with pipe! Flair takes THE STICK: "When it comes to WrestleMania, the answer is still NO! But if you ever touch a friend of mine again, I don't care if it's the church, the parking lot, the alley, I will show you why I'm the dirtiest player in the game!" One more body shot with the pipe. Play his music 'cause the "Woooo!" is REALLY out of place at this moment! Hmm, no closing bell. I suppose it's (No contest? 2:11)

New Jakks Pacific ad! WWF R3 figures and Hall of Fame playset! Spend money!

You're watching UPN! Home of the TEN MINUTE AD BREAK

The Stacker 2 Burn of the Week is the APA's trip to the Friendly Tap and subsequent beatdown by Billy & Chuck. Damn.

WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: BANDANA BOYZ v. A.P.A. - So the story goes, the APA have given up their WrestleMania shot to take on Billy & Chuck tonight, which seems a little silly to me, but....oh well. Oh we got us a fracas y'all - ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA has tremendous difficulty getting away from the ring, as she's surrounded by ACTION. It's Faarooq and Chuck in the ring - Chuck's head meets the post. Bradshaw puts Billy hard into the barrier - overhand forearm. Stom by Faarooq. Chuck tries to pull himself up by Faarooq's pants - bad idea. Billy hits the post again. Faarooq with a straight right. Right. Through the ropes to the outside as Billy and Bradshaw come in - into the ropes, Billy ducks, but ends up trying a crossbody...which, as we all know, can ONLY lead to the Contractually Obligated Fallaway Slam from Bradshaw. Bradshaw holds up Billy for three rights from Faarooq. Double neckbreaker. Chuck in - Chuck down at the hands of a Faarooq right. ("Hand.") Okay. Chuck tossed outside - Bradshaw follows as Faarooq whips Billy into the corner, back to the other corner...Bradshaw working over Chuck with a hard right...Faarooq off the ropes with a shoulder in the back. Right by Bradshaw again. Faarooq asks him to roll Chuck into the ring as he kicks Billy back to the floor. Kidney punch by Faarooq. Bradshaw holding him again for a right, right, right. Bradshaw picks him up - double powerbomb (Cole: "spinebuster") Billy in - Billy eats a big Bradshaw boot. BFaarooq bclotheslines bhim bout. Back to Chuck - stomp by Faarooq. Into the ropes, spinbuster. Billy has FINALLY gotten one in on Bradshaw, putting him into the STEEL steps. Now he's in the ring - where Faarooq is giving Chuck the badmouth, and in PERFECT position to take the Fame-Ass'er - Billy puts Chuck on top and hotfoots it out as referee "Blind" Teddy Long wakes up and looks the right way - 1, 2, 3! Champs retain. (2:34) Well gee, I bet they sure feel like chumps for giving up the WM shot NOW...

EARLIER TONIGHT! AKA "Five Paragraphs Ago"

In the back, the assistant trainer's checking on Maven - Goldust comes in and asks if he'll be okay - then shoves him off the table and hooks the leg - Korderas counts 1, 2, 3 - ladies and gentlemen, we have a new hardcore champion! Aaaaand... GOLDUST IS THE SMARTEST WRESTLER ALIVE

Commentators shill "As If" - whoever writes this copy needs to see if they can get a job writing for the WWF

Tajiri's on the cel phone (with ME) when Booker T returns to get his shampoo - T steals the phone and says a bunch of stuff to me, thinking I'm the Japanese shampoo people. I can't even get a word in edgewise! "Saronara. Peace! I love it." Gives the phone back. "GIMME that! Wish your hair looked as good as mine. YAK!" Tajiri tells me "Don't worry - just a jackass," then goes back to Japanese. I don't understand too much of what he's saying. Is it just me or does Torrie look profoundly unattractive tonight? I blame the makeup job.

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL & JERRY. Chris looks bored as they throw it to Hulk Hogan's epic saga of a true icon...

"January 24th, 1984 - the day Hulkamania was born..." Clip of Hogan pinning the Iron Shiek. This leads to a distillation of eighteen years in six minutes, which manages to include not only "Real American" AND "American Made," but also "If You Only Knew" - see, Hogan's still looking out for Jimmy Hart, there's a quick shot of royalties...

Commentators hype Hogan/Rock at WrestleMania, as well as...

TONIGHT: Triple H & Kane vs. Jericho & Angle!

WWF Shop Zone Dot Com ad

Here's a new Big Show/Kenny the Racecar Driver Stacker 2 ad! It makes even less sense than the first one!

WWF & Raw Magazines ad

EARLIER TONIGHT! AKA "Twenty-seven Paragraphs Ago" Did Cole say Austin had a "supplies" for the NWO? I haven't heard THAT joke in FOREVER

BOOKER TIO (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Wolverine boots and shoes, "The Time Machine," and truth!) v. SCOTTY 2 HOTTY (with "Please see RAW in Austin Monday" notice) - Lawler makes a "don't burn your hair like Michael Jackson" crack and I'm wondering if maybe Roddy Piper is still available for a commentary position. T with a kick, chop, chop, overhand right, pounding away on him until referee "Blind" Brian Hebner forces him off of Scotty. T chop - chop - chop. Right, run to the ropes...but Scotty holds on and skins the cat. Spinning T around, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Scotty ducks and hits a flying jalapeno off the ropes. Right, right, right, ducks a punch from T, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, head down but it doesn't matter as T STILL hits a spinebuster. Stands on the neck for 4. Grabs the arm and opens him up for the big back kick. Suplex coming up - nicely done. 1, 2, Scotty kicks out. Scotty comes back - right, right, right, off the ropes but eats an elbow. T back in control - stomp. Pulls him up. Straight right hand...Scotty bounces off the ropes and T grabs him, shoving him into the corner. Hard whip into the opposite corner. Kick. T consults his hand...Irish whip into the opposite corner, but Scotty ducks out as T comes in. Scotty thinks he can hit the bulldog here, but T clotheslines him out of his shoes. T goes into his tai chi routine...winds up...Harlem sidekick NOOO and T crotches himself on the top rope! This distracts him long enough for Scotty to go ahead and hit the bulldog - "I'm gonna do the worm" dance - W O R M - hoo hoo hoo hi-INTO Booker's boot! T gives Scotty a hot shot. Kick doubles him over - off the ropes with the axe kick. T feels it - he's feeling it - drops down and breakdances back up - Harlem sidekick - 1, 2, 3! (4:25) T is pleased with himself...until looking up at the video wall to catch the president of the Yakamoshi shampoo company, congratulating their new spokesperson...Edge. "You have hair like the lion!" "Cool." Tajiri and Torrie offer their congratulations. T is noticably upset. OH BOY! IT'S THE JAPANESE SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL FEUD! If THAT don't make you call the neighbours...boy, I don't know what else I can do for you.

WrestleMania ad - Rock/Hogan highlighted

And now, a WrestleMania moment! From WrestleMania 2000, we take a look at highlights and/or highspots from the TLC match

In the dressing room, Christian talks to himself: "I have no idea what I'm doing, none! I must be out of my mind listening to this guy!" He turns around to see Page grinning at him. "You're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days, man, what's WRONG with you?" "Bro, lighten up! It's me! D D P!" Christian fails to say "DAMMIT I KNOW who you are." Too bad. "Now Christian, are you ready to start EMBRACING the power of positive energy?" "Whatever." "Not whatever, 'cause your first step to your winning ways is developing a winning relationship with... 'fans.'" "FANS? Gyaaaa - come on!" "Hey, I got two kids who are DYING to meet you! All right? Kids, come on in here! Christian, this is Joey, and THIS...is Shelby." "Hey." Page encourages a smile - Christian makes the dorky face. "You're ugly!" Christian is ready to take a swing, but Page stops him. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa - he's KIDDING. Hey? Hey. Having a sense of humour isn't a bad thing...it's a GOOD thing." "Very funny, Joey - very funny. Ha ha ha." "Why are you such a loser?" Page encourages cleansing breaths. "I'm not a loser." "Not a loser." "I am NOT a loser. I'm a WINNER!" "Yes!" "If you wanna see a loser, why don't you go find your daddY?" Shelby lowers her head as Joey says "We don't have a daddy - he left us!" then kicks him in the shin and they both run off. "You little brat! No wonder he left ya!" "Oh, man...this is gonna be a lot tougher than I thought." Then Page strikes a pose...aaand.....FREEZE

Chris is still pretty bored as the commentators intro the next set of clips...

Let Us Take You Back To RAW. Stephanie: "Dick joke!" Triple H: "Chooch joke!" "Indignant!" "Another chooch joke - I take best-of-3!" "SCREECHY CATERWAULING"

Stephanie is WALKING! And HIDEOUSLY UNATTRACTIVE! Spying the Red Baron's logo on a nearby door, she pushes it...only to find Triple H chatting with Kane. "I'll see you out there" and he leaves him alone with her. "Gee, thanks." Stephanie says "MY PRIVATE PARTS" and threatens a slander suit. H says he's not a great legal mind, but you can't bust a guy for telling the truth. Talk somehow turns to the divorce (now THAT'S *writing!*). H says he didn't squander HIS fortune like she did - buying "that piece of crap ECW." 50% of everything he's got is more than fair! She says that since she was the one who made him what he is, she deserves 50% of what he's got already, but also 50% of what he makes from this day forward UNTIL HE DIES. I'm pretty sure he could make money after he dies, she might want to rethink that....anyway, she says she'll get it because she always gets what she wants, blah blah blah - H thinks about slugging her but doesn't.

TONIGHT: you may have heard something about a tag match

Tough Enough 2 is NEXT!

Booker T eats another pound of Hungry Sucka

And now, the Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From RAW, Kane interferes in Angle's title shot, allowing Jericho to use his BOOT OF THE WEEK to give Angle the Breakdown for the win

KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT and THE NEW MAN v. KURT ANGLE and MR. JERICHO (with Steffo) -

Jericho wants the pose but H knocks him off the apron. Ring the bell! Kane with a right on Angle, he pinballs to H, to Kane, to H, to Kane and goes down after his right. Jericho back in - H right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, Kane whips Angle into the ropes, BIG back body drop. Clothesline puts him on the floor. H whips Jericho, Jericho ducks, but H connects with the knee. Clotheslines him down. Right hand, right, right and down goes Jericho. Angle isn't to his corner yet despite Jericho reaching for a tag. Into the ropes, but Jericho manages a flying jalapeno off of that. Jericho takes over - stomp, stomp, right, right, right, right, right, referee "Blind" Tim White pulls Jericho off - and H is in with a clothelsine and big choke - right, right. Tag to Kane. H holds him for a big body shot. Head to the buckle. Right hand. Into the ropes, Kane presses him and lets him drop. Kick - into the corner, follow clothesline. Right hand. Jericho whipped into the opposite corner, but he gets a boot up. Second rope - there's a dropkick! But Kane hits the ZOMBIE SITUP, so Jericho wisely tags out. Angle is distraught, but goes in - Kane blocks, right, right, into the corner, scooped up on his shoulder - and powerslammed down. Jericho tries a shot from behind - Kane turns round to put HIM in the choke, and Angle manages a forearm to turn it around. Knocks him down, Jericho joining Angle in a stompdown. H comes in to stop it, but only manages to draw away White. Into the ropes, it's *Kane* with the double clothesline! Thumb crosses throat and Kane's ready to get outta here. Angle brought up - but Jericho dropkicks the knees before Kane can tombstone (or more likely powerslam) him. H finally manages to insert himself, punching Jericho, but is forced back to his corner. Angle hits a chop block on Kane behind the ref's back. Now Jericho calls over White as Angle drags him to the corner and wraps his leg around the post twice. Kane's supersell of the chop block gets a replay. With Angle outside, Jericho comesin - ahh, LUCHA rules! Jericho brings him up - then kicks the back of his leg to take him down again. Kick, kick, grabs the leg and elbowdrops the knee. Jericho with a leg scissors - and Angle grabs his arm to help with leverage (!). White, of course, misses it. There's a tag. Angle kicks the knee, kick, kick, kick, kick, elbowdrop on the knee, elbowdrop - psst, I think they've picked a body part. Kane tries to apply a facelock to get out - the chinlock works, taking Angle backwards to the mat - Kane uses his good leg to attack the chest until Angle breaks the hold. Jericho tries to get one in, but Kane gets HIS punch in instead - back to Angle, right, right, right, Angle ducks the next one and hits the German suplex! Angle's laying in wait - ANOTHER chop block on the left leg! Angle waits for him to get up, then takes out the leg *again!* Angle wants one more - Kane suddenly wises up and clotheslines him instead. Angle slow to get up - Kane with the choke - Angle kicks the left leg to get out, grabs the leg - Kane tries an enzuigiri but Angle ducks it - ANGLELOCK!! Well, Triple H has had about enough of this - in with a gutshot on Angle...and DDT! White puts him back in his corner but both men are down. The count's up to 4 and Angle starts crawling. At 6, Jericho gets the tag - he runs RIGHT to H and shoves him away - then goes back to stomping on Kane - right hand - off the ropes - Kane apparently counters into a spinning sidewalk slam! Both men are down again. Kane pulls himself across the ring by the ropes - THERE'S THE TAG! Angle in as well - H right, right, right, Jericho's clothesline ducked and H hits the neckbreaker. Angle into the ropes, ducks, but H hits an Anderson spinebuster - 1, 2, Jericho in to break it up but ends up elbowdropping Angle! H takes out Jericho with a right. Angle into the ropes, no it's reversed, but the head's down, and there's the facebuster. 1, 2, this time Jericho DOES break it up. Kane in with a big boot for Jericho, and somehow manages to stay on his bad leg. As White moves to put Kane back in his corner, H has the gutshot on Angle - going for the Pedigree, but *Stephanie* is in and grabbing the hair - H blocks the slap (natch), grabs her head, between the legs...but Jericho clotheslines H before he can Pedigree HER! Kane takes out Jericho with a right, then finally goes back to his corner - Angle hooks the leg as White turns round - 1, 2, NO! DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Angle locks in the Anglelock - H screams, but doesn't submit. Kane is in with his flying clothesline to break it up. Jericho tries to come off the top...but Kane catches him in the choke! Stephanie in and lightly tapping Kane with a chair - yeesh. Kane grabs the chair and Stephanie hightails it out of the ring. WHACK Kane chairs Angle. H adds a Pedigree because the fans *need* to see it - aaaaaand there's the 1, 2, 3. (10:12) Credits are up - Tough Enough 2 is NEXT! GO! GO! NOW!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling