UPN! Thursday!

TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

LAST MONDAY: The dog ate my montage

Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

PYRO AWAY and this is it - the last big show before WrestleMania! Coming to you from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, OH and SAP transmitido en espanol 14.3.2 (taped 12.3), THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN! on UPN and the Score!

TONIGHT: Triple H has a big, big announcement! Look again at the clip of him being helped backstage!

KURT ANGLE v. POINTS TO SELF - This match is no doubt set up by van Dam pinning Regal in a six-man on RAW - huh? Lockup, gobehind by Angle, reversal, Angle drops down for the fireman's carry but van Dam lands on his feet (before falling anyway) - van Dam off the ropes, ducks, dropkick connects. In the corner - kick, forearm, forearm, into the opposite corner is reversed, but van Dam goes up and over back to back, tumbling run to the corner, springs off and connects with the high crossbody for 2. Clothesline puts Angle outside! van Dam follows. Hangs him on the barricade - there's an uppercut - on the apron to Point To Himself - then leaps into a legdrop. He Points To Himself again! Kick to the head, SmackDown! replay, back in the ring, forearm, forearm, into the ropes, Angle ducks, goes behind and hits a German suplex - 1, 2, no. Commentators would rather talk about Triple H's knee, Mr. McMahon's acting ability, and anything but this match. Angle takes charge - right, chop, chop, into the ropes, back elbow, hooks the leg but only gets 2. Angle clamps on a headlock. Angle takes it to the mat while van Dam flails his arms and legs in an attempt to nurture an "RVD" chant. Now he elbows out - ducks off the ropes, there's a heel kick. Angle into the corner, shoulder by van Dam, shoulder, superfluous backflip, and Angle evades the third shoulder but van Dam comes right back with a superkick. Off the ropes - Rolling Thunder - cover - 1, 2, no! Angle right back with a knee to the gut. van Dam catches the next kick and goes for the stepover heel kick, but Angle has that scouted (good on him!) and ducks it - then grabs the ankle!! van Dam manages to roll onto his back and kick Angle away - Angle bounces out of the corner into a small package - 1, 2, NO! Angle immediately barrels over van Dam with a clothesline. DOWN COME THE STRAPS! He waits for van Dam to get up - going for the Olympic Slam but van Dam lands on his feet...and hits a spinning roundhouse kick. Vaults up top...but before he takes off, WILLIAM REGAL runs out, causing van Dam to look at him until Angle can run to the corner and throw him off with a belly-to-belly superplex - and immediately put on the Anglelock. Amazingly, van Dam taps! (4:35) Regal quickly hits the ring for a noble stompdown. Angle is content to head back up the ramp...until KANE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO TONIGHT makes *his* entrance here. Uppercut, uppercut, Angle put back in the ring - they go in and out, but since Kane brushes by Regal on his way out, Regal stops stomping on van Dam and grabs Kane, preventing him from following Angle - so HE gets a chokeslam for his troubles.

Vince talks (TO ME!) on his cel phone - but has to call (ME!) back when Ric Flair enters the office. "Isn't it my lucky day - I walk in the arena tonight...the first thing I hear is you wanna see me." "Well, I do, Ric - I wanted you to see me because... I wanted you to see the man who has complete control and complete authority and power here in the World Wrestling Federation, as voted by the Board of Directors, remember that vote of confidence? That was for me, Ric, because you insisted on having this match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania - oh, and by the way, since I do have all the power and authority, at least through WrestleMania, allow me to inform you that your match with The Undertaker is now a No Disqualification matchup, Ric. But that's at WrestleManiap; as far as tonight is concerned, the good news is that since you're just another WWF superstar...I'm giving you the night off. I, you don't have to compete at all tonight. I'm not having you wrestle at all. So uh, have a good night, Ric." "You've always got my best interests at heart, don'tcha. If it's all the same to you, I think I'll stay and watch the show." "OH whoa whoa. Whoa whoa whoa, Ric, it's NOT all the same to me. I'm not about to take a chance of you and Undertaker crossing paths tonight. And the reason for that is, I am concerned about your safety and welfare, at least until I see you in the ring at WrestleMania, because it's at WrestleMania when I personally wanna watch The Undertaker rip you limb from limb. Easy... So for your own protection and safety, Ric...there's the door." "I'm gonna leave...I've already embarrassed the Board of Directors once. I'm not leaving because you're asking me to. It's because of the World Wrestling Federation...and respect that I have for this great company. Not you. As a matter of fact, you are the piece of (shit) that everybody talks about."

So Ric owns half the company, but........ohhhhhhhh

Booker T shills puddin'

According to the countdown, WrestleMania is 3 DAYS AWAY

Also, Drowning Pool's "Tear Away" is a WrestleMania theme song. You know what ELSE is a WrestleMania theme song? "Oh oh oh / oh oh oh / WrestleMania"

JEFF HARDY (with Matt Hardy & Cheata) v. ACOLYTE BRADSHAW (with Acolyte Faarooq - and SmackDown! is brought to you by "Van Wilder," adidas ClimaCool, and Blockbuster!) v. BANDANA BOY BILLY (with Bandana Boy Chuck) v. BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (with D-Von & Stacy Dudley) in a Fatal Four-Way - Those Dudleyz hit the ring to their "Forcible Entry" theme as performed by Saliva, we are told. Bubba will start with Billy - hmm, two heels? Lockup, side headlock by Dudley, holding it - Billy with two elbows to the ribs to break it - but Dudley knocks him down off the power out. Off the ropes, Billy tries a leapfrog but Bubba stops short and pops him with a right. Head to the buckle, head to the adjacent buckle, wraps his arm around the top rope, goes for another shot in the corner but Billy ducks out and makes a desperation lunge to Jeff. IT'S JEFF HARDY SQUEEEEEEEAL LIKE A YOUNG GIRL - Dudley quickly powers him down, pounds him, but the whip is reversed and Hardy hits the armdrag. Armdrag, dropkick, running start on the dropkick in the corner and Dudley has nowhere to go. Hardy with a Ten Punch Count Along - but stops for a flourish between nine and ten, and Dudley shoves him off before he can finish. Nice neckbreaker by Bubba Ray Dudley. Whip into the corner, but Hardy jumps up for the Gay in the Gay and connects. Dudley falls into Bradshaw's corner, so he tags himself in - shoulderblock for Hardy - Dudley up from behind with a forearm - and death suplex. I guess he's unhappy about the tag. Hardy goes ahead and covers - but Dudley breaks it at 2. Into the ropes by Bradshaw, Hardy ducks, off the ropes - ohhh caught for the COFS (contractually obligated fallaway slam). Forearm by Bradshaw. Forearm to the back. Picks him up but Hardy drops down with the sitout jawbreaker - and tags in Billy (or "runs into him") - Billy is in with a right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Bradshaw with a big shoulderblock - off the ropes with an elbowdrop, cover, Bubba Ray is in to break it up - Bradshaw puts a forearm in HIS back, then whips Billy into the ropes - Billy ducks, but gets caught - man, not AGAIN...big boot for Bubba while holding him - Bradshaw decides to slam him, then signals for Hardy to go up for "What Are You Doing?" D-Von on the apron and Bradshaw shoves him off - then gives Hardy a big boot (!), and Dudley clotheslines him down when he turns back. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no! Dudley still in control - NICE suplex. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, double sledge, 1, 2, Bradshaw kicks out. Scoop...and a slam (I'm guessing - we're staring at D-Von through most of this) - going to the second rope (DON'T DO IT IT NEVER WORKS!) - Bradshaw is up (TOLD YA), catching him with a right, then climbs to the second rope for a big superplex! Both men are down and referee "blind" Chad Patton puts on the count. Both men stirring at five - Bradshaw falls backwards to tag in Billy - right, right, Dudley ducks the next one and hits the Bubbabomb! Dudley collapses in the right corner and Hardy tags himself in - knockdown for Billy, ducks a swing, Speaking in Tongues legdrop - into the ropes is reversed, Billy's head is down, so Hardy gives him a tornado DDT - 1, 2, Bubba breaks it up again! Bubba shoves off Bradshaw, eats a right from Hardy, but counters the whip attempt by pulling him back to him...and then dumping him on the floor. Here's the Hades lariat by Bradshaw - here's the Fame-Ass'er on Bradshaw by Billy. Jeff's climbing up for the swanton, but Billy trips him up. Billy climbs the corner - Jeff blocks, right, right, shoves him off, going for the swantonbomb again...but Chuck pulls him out of the way! Here comes Matt - well now it's all breaking loose outside - meanwhile, Billy gives Hardy the One and Only, then puts his feet on the ropes for good measure - 1, 2, 3. (7:03) We're still not done - Cheatacanrana for Billy, Stacy in to take her head to the mat, catfightcatfightcatfight meanwhile Matt clotheslines Billy out of the ring, but Bradshaw clotheslines him down - forearms away - now holding him for Faarooq of all people - well now we've got a Pier Six brawl in the ring, call in the ZEBRAS...as the tag team champs have made their way up to the stage to watch.

WrestleMania spot - Hall/Austin (!) is hyped

Jakks Pacific R3 figures and Hall of Fame Playset ad

When we come back, Trish Stratus pays Lita a visit - she wants to apologise for accidentally kicking her Monday. Lita says it's cool...but at WrestleMania, there won't be any accidents. Somehow this leads to slapping and catfighting and referees getting involved and lookit Chioda get him some of Trish - you go, boy

Vince is talking (TO ME!) on his cel phone again..but again has to interrupt his call for a Flair - only this time, it's *David*. "Why come on in, come on in!" "I'm sorry to interrupt you - I heard you wanted to see me?" "Oh no, indeed, look at this. What a fine looking young athlete. A Flair, indeed - David Flair. Wow. I tell you what, you sure look a whole hell of a lot better than the last time I say you, kid - ooh. The Undertaker...put a hurtin' on you, didn't he, but nonetheless, you were pretty tough. I invited you over here because, you see, you know that your dad and I don't get along too well, and, you know, he's a great man and all that kinda stuff, but...why, he and I, we don't see eye to eye, you know that." "Well where're we goin' with this?" "Well, quite frankly, where we're going with this is I'm gonna do something for you tonight that I don't think your dad would ever do - I'm gonna give you an opportunity of a lifetime, David." "Is that right." "Yeah! Because tonight - right here on SmackDown! imagine this...David Flair...versus...The Undertaker!" "Are you nuts? I'm not gonna fight The Undertaker. Listen here, Mr. McMahon, I thank you for the opportunity...but I think I'll pass." "Oh, wait a minute. Wait just a minute. I mean, tonight, you can become a bona-fide WWF superstar. You've been training all these months in the training program - you wanna be a WWF superstar, don'cha? Of course you do. You want to follow in your dad's footsteps, right? I mean, you are, last name Flair, right? You've got the passion for this business, right? I mean, come on - you're the son of one of the greatest legends in the history of this business! So you have no alternative tonight but to take on The Undertaker because...quite frankly (2), to quote a former great champion... 'to be the man, David, you've gotta beat the man.' What about it? You and The Undertaker...tonight." "I understand." "Yeah. You're damn right you understand. Yeah. Oh, yes - is that gonna be good or what? Huh? David Flair one on one with The Undertaker. Yeah. Well what'd you think?" Undertaker appears from...I guess he was hiding behind the cameraman or something since Flair didn't see him. "Thanks, boss." Handshake.

And now, Lugz presents the Boot of the Week! From RAW, Al Snow takes the hardcore championship from Goldust after a Horrendous Call from GOOD OL' JR

WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: AL SNOW v. WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW - Snow quickly fills the ring with plundah before the challenger's entrance begins. Snow with a dropkick through the ropes - outside - broomstick to the gut, breaks it on his back - NO SALE. Punch is caught - Show holds it while mauling him - right, right, right, scooped up - press - and drop on the trashcan on the floor (owch). Well it's a big whip into the STEEL steps. Show removes the top half, puts Snow's head on the other half, and tries to pop it like a grape. Grabs the top half - wants to crush him but Snow is out of the way. Snow dropkicks the knees to try to turn it around. Grabs a STOP sign - WHACK! WHACK. WHACK. Cover on the floor - 1, 2, Show kicks out with authority. Show shoves Snow away. Show puts him into the post. Well it's a big open-handed slap. Snow rolled into the ring - Show's after him. Big boot in the corner misses - and Show's held up long enough for Snow to kick him in the 'nards. Snow produces his bowling bowl - and gets Show right in the gutter. DDT! 1, 2, Show STILL presses him three feet off the canvas - causing him to land on referee "Blind" Charles Robinson in the process. Snow grabs a trashcan - WHACK! WHACK! NO SALE - Show shoves the can away - ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! Before he can get a 1 count, though, GOLDUST is out with a gold trashcanlid - WHACK! Goldust covers - 1, 2, Show pulls him off - Goldust WHACKS him again. Now MAVEN is out - Goldust swings at Maven, but misses - clocking Snow in the process - Show with the headbutt on Goldust - and clothesline - Goldust goes outside - Show to the ropes to watch - Maven dropkicks him out of the ring (!), covers Snow (!), and gets the 1, 2, 3 (!!) - ladies and gentlemen, we have a NEW hardcore champion! (3:34) Replay of the Rumble-on-the-Undertaker-esque dropkick...and pin.

Hulk Hogan is WALKING! He hands a tape to a stagehand and provides instructions - he's heading to the ring and he wants that tape to play when he calls for it.

Get thee to the Shop Zone so thou doth may buyest the Rock/Hogan poster/shirt/program combo

RAW for the Xbox ad - I wish "My Way" were the theme of WrestleMania and not just this video game

Commentators shill "The Amazing Race 2" - at times like this, I wish they HAD left to go compete in The Amazing Race

YOU KNOW WHO (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) is out to end the suspense and let us know EXACTLY what's on that tape. Man, listen to Cole give Hogan a verbal blowjob here. Sunday is his tenth WrestleMania, but his first in nine years. We can only wonder how this crowd noise has been sweetened - if "sweetened" is in fact the correct word... Hogan strikes a pose, why not. "You know, I've seen a lot through the years. I've sat back and I've watched every Next Big Thing step into the ring and say they were gonna do something that no one else could do - kill Hulkamania. Roddy Piper said it...the Ultimate Warrior said it...even Andre, God bless his soul, Andre the Giant said it. But Andre, like everybody else, failed. They all failed to kill Hulkamania. They all fell victim to the exact same thing that The Rock fell victim to last Monday night as I hit him with the boot in the face, dropped the leg on him, and beat him for a 1, 2, 3, just like everyone else that steps into the ring with Hollywood Hulk Hogan, just check out the footage. Lemme show ya what I'm talkin' about. (Let Us Take You Back to RAW) The only thing that ever came close to killin' Hulkamania was the Hulkamaniacs. You people out there - you almost killed Hulkamania. And then I realised one thing - I didn't need you. The Hulkamaniacs could not kill Hulkamania. I proved that last Monday night. Just roll this footage. (same clip) You know, for those of you that are brand new fans or maybe are just gettin' dialed in, show this thing one more time in slow motion so it really, really sinks in, please. (hahaha - legdrop in slomo - and 1, 2, 3) After I beat you, Rock, 1, 2, 3, in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania, you're gonna realise that you're ordinary - you're common - just like everyone else out there, you're just ordinary and common. So roll that footage one more time so you can take a look at it, Rock." IF YA SMELLLLL I guess we're *not* seeing that footage one more time - THE ROCK is out and pacing up on the stage. "Rock E!" Just when you think he's going to talk...nope. Okay maybe NOW. "Hulk Hogan...what can the Rock say. Ya beat The Rock. But you are wrong about one thing - is you see, unlike every other man you face, The Rock could care less about killing Hulkamania. Because as far as The Rock is concerned, Hulkamania is a fantasy - it's in your mind. Fantasy, you know, cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! You know, that fantasy land you live in where Hulkamania walks down the Hulkastreet, eats a Hulkasammich - and all of his Hulkafriends give him a line o' Hulkacrap about how he's not gonna get his Hulka(ass) whupped at WrestleMania! You see, Hogan...The Rock knows it, the millions - of The Rock's fans know it, but what apparently you don't know is while this fantasy of Hulkamania, you know, cuckoocuckoo - while that fantasy, while that's a fantasy, this Sunday: reality. You see, Hogan, you can beat The Rock in a tag, you can take a hammer to the back of The Rock's head...you can try to end my career, but the fact remains is there is no way - and The Rock means no way that he's not gonna walk into WrestleMania, the biggest match ever, whup your candy(ass) 1, 2, 3!" "I'll give you the fact that you are a cut above the rest. You're not exactly the flavour of the month. And YOU, just as much as me, is responsible for the biggest, the greatest match, in the history of this industry, WrestleMania - Rock versus Hogan, there is no bigger, because I've been in 'em all. But there's only one thing left, Rock. There's that one question - there's that one question that I always ask each opponent that turns into a victim before WrestleMania is over. And I'd like to ask you, Rock - I'd like to ask you that question right now. ... What'cha gonna do - what'cha gonna do, Rock, when the biggest icon this industry has ever seen puts you in your place at WrestleMania? WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS - WILD - ON - YOU - RRRRRAAAAAAA (rips off shirt) - WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, ROCK?" "Rock E!" "What's The Rock gonna do? Well The Rock will tell you EXACTLY what he's gonna do." Rock starts to walk to the ring. Looks like we're going to have another staredown, as Rock is between the ropes...and in. "It goes like this, Hulk Hogan. This Sunday at WrestleMania, The Rock is gonna put an end to your legend, and go down in history as being the best ever. But until then...(steps closer)...(eye to eye)...The Rock will take his vitamins...but if I were you, I would say my prayers. If you smell...what The Rock...is cookin'." Hogan drops his mic. Rock drops his mic. They're nose to nose - I'm sure this will end up in five or nine video packages by Sunday. Rock removes his glasses and eyeballs Hogan. Hogan slowly backs away...and leaves the ring. Play Rock's music!

You ARE watching UPN!

Catch the WWF live! Sunday is WrestleMania in Toronto SOLD OUT! Monday is RAW in Montreal! Tuesday is Ottawa! Then.....the ad ends!

BOOKER TIO and THE NARCISSIteST v. TAJIRI (with Torrie Samuda) and KING EDGE - T starts with Tajiri - badmouth by T, kick, right, Tajiri tries to fight back but T puts him in the corner - right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, referee "Blind" Teddy Long pulls him out. Chop by T. Into the ropes, Tajiri ducks, back kick connects, kick, whip is reversed but Tajiri ducks the kick, and lands a kick of his own - Test in to try to help - Tajiri ducks - off the ropes - caught - but Tajiri frees himself and lands a kick. Kick for T - but T reverses the whip attempt and pulls Tajiri into a big sidewalk slam. Coming up later: TRIPLE H RETURNS! Right hand. Into the ropes, head down, kick by Tajiri. Tajiri heads to his corner but T grabs him and takes him down by the hair - Tajiri puts two boots up into T's face, though, and makes the tag as T tries to head out of his own corner. Edge with a clothesline, knockdown, knockdown for Test, Viscera kick for T. Trademark (but as yet unnamed) faceplant for Test. But T comes in with a kick. Now all four men are in - Tajiri goes to work on Test, but he turns it around in the corner - right, back elbow, whip into the opposite corner, Tajiri up as Test charges in but before he can try to do the tarantula, Test brings him to the middle of the ring and hits a wheelbarrow suplex instead. Wotsitolla Boot connects - but he's not legal anyway, so Edge clotheslines HIM out of the ring. T back in - Harlem side kick is DUCKED - Edge with the SPEAR but Test breaks up the cover. Test tries the Boot on Edge but THAT is ducked - Edge with a gutshot - and Edgecution! But T sails in and connects with the Harlem sidekick - 1, 2, 3. (2:44) For good measure, Test gives Tajiri another Boot to take him off the apron. Test holds up Edge so he can watch Booker breakdance back to his feet. He adds a gutshot and axe kick. Play his music - he needs to look at his hand one more time!

LOOK! It's an EXCITING DOOR! Coming up next, the man who owns the logo on the door will say "What?"

WrestleMania ad - Flair/Taker (!) hyped

Take a look at the Gund Arena! Tonight, TRIPLE H RETURNS!

Look at the wwf.com homepage - you can register NOW for the video stream streaming video!

JONATHAN COACHMAN stands with Stone Cold Steve Austin. "What? How many days away are we?" "Three." "What?" "Three." "What? Do I look nervous? Do I seem nervous? Am I tremblin'? Am I shakin'? I don't think I am. Do you know why? Every sum(bitch) back here is nervous as hell, this might be their first WrestleMania. It's not my first WrestleMania. You know why I'm not nervous? Scott Hall cost me my title shot. He (pissed) me off. He screwed me. He busted a cinder block on my leg. Do you know what I'll do at WrestleMania? I'm gonna go into Toronto, and I'm gonna open up a can o' whoopass on that sorry son of a (bitch)! There's not too many ways I can say that. I'm goin' into WrestleMania to whip a man's ass. I'm gonna put his little head right there - turn it so slightly - wham drop him - Stone Cold Stunner - put some stink on it - 1, 2, 3, that's the first member of the NWO, Scott Hall, he's goin' down. Do you understand me?" "Yes." "It's pretty simple, isn't it. You place - do you wanna put your head right here--" but the landscape is changing and the theme from NWO interrupts - CLEAN & SOBER is on his way to the ring for a solo shot. Check that - he stops on the stage. "Hey yo. Hey Stone Cold! You don't have to hide in the back...like some kinda cockroach. And you're out here tellin' the whole world - WHAT - you're gonna do to Scott Hall. Well I think maybe we should show the whole world just WHAT Scott Hall did to you last Monday - I said show 'em just WHAT I did to you on RAW." He signals to the screen for Let Us Take You Back to RAW. Through the magic of teleportation, Hall is in the ring by the time these clips are done rolling. "So uh, Stone Cold. I hear from you that you're the toughest SOB in the WWF. PROVE IT. 'cause Stone Cold... (Austin disappears from the video screens) you got something to say to me, you say it to my face! I ain't goin' nowhere, Austin. I'm waitin' right here for you." The music hits...but it's Chad Patton running out - and from behind the other curtain BIG & TALL is out, wielding a chair - but he pulls up when he sees it isn't Austin, then tries to run back in the hopes that nobody saw him - meanwhile, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN has been running from the other side of tthe arena through the crowd - spins Hall around, right, right, right, KICK WHAM STUNNER play the music - Nash is back out but Austin's already gone. Give it a replay!

In a dressing room, Stephanie and Chris Jericho speculate on Triple H's big announcement. Stephanie ain't Eartha Kitt

Your hosts are a pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE & JERRY LAWLER. Check out the Saliva CD cover because "Superstar" is Yet Another Theme From WrestleMania X8!

The graphics don't lie! The Undisputed Championship is on the line when Chris Jericho (with Stephanie McMahon) takes on Triple H! Icon vs. icon when Hollywood Hulk Hogan meets The Rock! It's personal when Stone Cold Steve Austin collides with Scott Hall! No Disqualifications when The Undertaker meets Ric Flair! The Intercontintental Championship will be decided when Rob van Dam meets William Regal! Kurt Angle tackles Kane! Lita, Jazz and Trish Stratus have a triple threat for the Women's CHampionship! And just announced, for the European Championship - Diamond Dallas Page vs. Christian! Edge clashes with Booker T! Four corner elimination match for the Tag Team Championship see the Hardyz, APA, Billy & Chuck and the Dudleyz all in action! 67,000 'neath the Dome and all it needs is YOU!

The Undertaker - is - WALKING!

AWESOMETAKER (on His Beautiful Bourget Python Bike) v. DAVID SAM- OKAY, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO USE THAT JOKE - Flair has some generic music - his entrance video consists of a screen with his name on it, alternating with a picture of Ric Flair standing in the ring - uhhhhhh okay. Flair doesn't think Taker's giving him enough room to come in the ring - Taker finally parts the ropes himself for Flair. Flair scoots in and FINALLY we're underway. Taker turns his back to Flair to remove his vest - Flair goes bug-eyed and jumps him - forearm in the back, right, right, right, right, right, Taker with a double choke to reverse positions in the corner - soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone left soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, vigorously protesting referee "Blind" Nick Patrick's protestations. Checking his own jaw - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Picks him up - "shut up!" - into the opposite corner - follow lariat. Picks him up again - into the opposite corner...Flair walks into a sidewalk slam. 1, 2, did he kick out or did Taker lift him up? Taker grinds his forearm into Flair's face - and THE MAN is running out - Taker catches him in a choke - but Flair rakes the eyes - off the ropes but right into the big boot. Meantime, Patrick's called for the bell (DQ 1:23) - Ric rolls outside - Taker grabs his hair - David flies in with a forearm in the back - Taker spins around and knocks him senseless with a soupbone. He wants to give him a tombstone, but Ric chairs him in the back. Taker goes outside to evade another chairshot and heads back up the ramp as Ric's music plays.

UP NEXT: TRIPLE H RETURNS!

Tough Enough 2 ad - you know what, I don't think any of these scenes actually took place on tonight's episode

Big Show shills Stacker 2

And now, the WWF Burn of the Night, brought to you by Stacker 2! From RAW, Jericho goes Super Gillooly on Triple H

Man, I can't BELIEVE they'd block out the entire final quarter hour for a TRIPLE H RETURNS announcement - given all that happened to him on Monday he sure isn't limping all THAT much (if at all!) - but he DOES clutch his leg while hopping up on the apron to do the Whale Blowhole. H goes to climb a corner - tries the bad leg first for effect - nope - then climbs up slowly using the good leg. This Triple H T-Shirt is brought to you by Red Baron frozen pizza - Bring Home The Baron Tonight! Pair of signs in crowd: "820 DAYS" / "TIL THE OLSEN TWINS ARE LEGAL" Thanks for the heads up. Entrance clocks in at (2:20). "Monday night, Chris Jericho came to this ring with a sledgehammer...and bashed me in the thigh with it. Jericho just didn't attack any leg - he attacked the leg that I had surgically repaired after I tore my quad in May. And quite frankly, that attack is the reason why I am standing in this ring tonight with a microphone in my hand instead of Jericho's ass on the end of my foot. I stand in this ring tonight to make an unfortunate announcement. And that announcement is unfortunate for Chris Jericho. Because you see, Chris Jericho did not get the job done! Ten months ago, Chris Jericho put me in the Walls of Jericho on that announce table after I tore my quad - tried to take me out of the business...but you know what? Jericho failed BECAUSE HERE I AM! And Monday night, Chris Jericho tried to once again end my career when he hit me in the leg with a sledgehammer - but again, Chris Jericho failed - because here I am, 100%! And you see, Jericho, there's something that you don't realise - to me, it's about pain - and pain - pain's just temporary. But The Game, Chris - The Game is forever. So this Sunday, I will go to WrestleMania...and in the main event, I will kick Chris Jericho's ass and I will become the Undisputed World Champion! Because I--" As the Y2J Countdown interrupts, I feel it's my duty to point out that Triple H failed to point out that he's survived fifty foot falls from a forklift while in a car - oh well. MR. JERICHO & STEFFO are out. He's got the mic - thank the Lord. Jericho with the sarcastic clap. "Great performance, Triple H, I mean well said - bravo! But are you absolutely certain that you're telling the truth, huh? Are you 100% certain that you're 100% ready to face the living legend in the main event of WrestleMania for the most prestigious championship in this company or any other's history? Or are you really lying? Are you lying to yourself, and lying to all these jackasses in the crowd? Huh? Because both your wife and I think you're not being completely honest, now are you, Triple H?" "You know, Hunter, you never were a very good liar. You see, Tuesday morning I called Dr. Andrews in Birmingham, Alabama, the same doctor who operated on your leg some ten months ago. And while Dr. Andrews was very sorry to hear about our marital trouble, he was even sorrier to give me the prognosis of your leg. You see, Dr. Andrews already knew about Jericho hitting you in your leg with that sledgehammer because late Monday night, Dr. Andrews got a phone call from a certain orthopedic surgeon in Detroit. Now that orthopedic surgeon saw you when you were wheeled in Monday night by that ambulance. And well, according to Dr. Andrews, your quadracep is barely holding together. Really! Triple H's quadracep is connected by wires - I know, I saw it with my own eyes - and Dr. Andrews said that sledgehammer shot Monday night, well that put your quad in such a weakened state that one false move, one misstep and one of those wires could snap. Dr. Andrews said that you should never compete in that ring - at least not for another month. You're taking a tremendous risk, you know what that means, Hunter? If you face the Undisputed Champion Chris Jericho at WrestleMania, and you make ONE miscalculation - you make one mistake, and it could end your career forever. Let me spell that out for you, Hunter. You will never be able to wrestle again." "And think about this, too, Hunter - both you and your little bulldog, what was her name, Lucy? You've both even got more in common now, 'cause neither one of you will walk the same again; you'll be walking with a limp for the rest of your lives, thanks to the Undisputed Champion Chris Jericho!" "You called Dr. Andrews, huh, Steph? You're a lot smarter than you look! You're right - I'm not 100%. And you're right - the doctors did say my quad is just holding on by a thread. And one mistake, and my career could be over. But I'll tell you what - this Sunday, I don't care if it's my last step - I don't care if it's my last match - I don't care if it's my last damn breath! I will be at WrestleMania. I will stand across that ring, Chris Jericho - I will look you in your eye - and we will go at it. And when I leave Toronto, when I leave WrestleMania - whether I am WALKING! or whether I have to get rolled out of that arena - I will leave as the Undisputed World Champion! Because I Am The Game! And I Am That Damn Good!" Jericho drops the belts and rushes the ring - H block, right, right, right, right, right. Clotheslined over the top - and H clutches his leg for dramatic effect. H outside to continue after Jericho...Jericho with a right, right, right, right, whip is reversed and Jericho hits the STEEL steps. H removes the table top (nearly killing a cameraman in the process) and does some furniture rearranging. Stephanie is up behind H - kick to the back of the leg - and again - NO SALE - H turns round and, after dramatic pause, catches her by the hair. Jericho runs in - but gets a backdrop over the barricade! H places Stephanie on the commentary table - they're both standing on the table - oh, he's gonna not give her the Pedigree again...sure enough, Jericho is up from behind with one of the title belts to the back of H's leg. Now *Jericho* climbs up on the table - WALLS OF JERICHO! H taps the table but Jericho doesn't seem to be able to hear that 'cause he's not breaking the hold. Several REFEREES are out - Jericho finally lets go, gets his belts and stands proudly over H with both belts in hand. Credits are up - Tough Enough 2 is next - see you (maybe?) at WrestleMania!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling