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WWF SmackDown!




KINGS UPDATE: 55-19 - magic number for #1 seed: *6* (presumptous? MOI?)

Man, it's almost time to start recolouring my website again!! Coming soon: pictures of my KINGS BOBBLEHEAD COLLECTION

You know, it may be a new era of SmackDown! but try telling that to the fine folks at UPN, who STILL don't have a new "UPN Thursday" bumper! It's getting embarrassing, to be honest:

  • Jericho (okay, he's still on this show)
  • Rock (ditto)
  • Team Xtreme (nope - all three on RAW)
  • The Dudleys (half of 'em gone)
  • Trish Stratus (nope)
  • Triple H (well)
  • Steffo (outta here)

    I suppose it could have been worse - they could have brought back the shots of Foley, Road Dogg & X-Pac, Chyna...

    TV-PG-DLV - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

    Go figure, the first person we see is Vince. From his office: "Good evening. Last Monday night, Ric Flair erroneously named The Undertaker as the #1 Contender to face Triple H for the WWF Championship at Backlash. Mr. Flair should have recalled that as stated by the Board of Directors, that whoever won the coin toss would not only win first draft choice, but also name the #1 Contender to face the Undisputed Champion at Backlash. And if you will recall, since it was me (Vince McMahon) who won the coin toss, then I will be naming the #1 Contender to face Triple H, and I will be naming that #1 Contender tonight...on SmackDown! Thank you.

    Opening credits are Beautiful, People! Hey, wait...

    I GET LETTERS: Hey, I'll bet you were wondering if The Cubs Fan would chime in at this point with a frame-by-frame of the new opening? Well, *I* was, and thankfully he did:

    Smackdown intro:

    It's still the old "black and white, half in shadows" look, so I don't have to keep explaining.

    Rock, profile.
    Rock's looking at YOU.
    extreme closeup of the Smackdown Logo
    Triple H, darkness water spit.
    Smackdown Logo.
    Triple H.
    extreme closeup of the Smackdown Logo
    two frames of Triple H holdind his hands high in the air (is that the new belt or the old WWF one barely visible in his left hand?)
    Triple H, in your face.
    Hulk Hogan, sporting the "Hulk STILL Rules" badana
    More Hulk shots.
    Stacy, close up - old shot.
    Vince, the old flickering shot and close up.
    Torrie, I think.
    Stacy, mean.
    Angle, half shadow shot.
    The old "bottom half of the guys' face"
    and the old "torso flashing by"
    Jericho, back to you at the entrance.
    Hogan, double bicep
    More Hogan.
    Triple H, post water spit.
    Chris Jericho, whiny.
    Jericho, but the contrast is so harsh he's nearly unidentifable
    More Jericho growling
    Angle's eyesocket.
    Torrie (the light reflects badly off blond hair, I guess)
    A quick frame of the old Torrie shot and sudden switch too
    Chuck and Billy (no Rico)
    Billy with the single bicep under
    Chuck's head
    Close up of Chuck.
    Old shot of Rock in a warehouse.
    Smackdown logo alternates with Triple H's waterspit.
    Smackdown logo, Shane gets thrown through.
    Rock Bottom for Jericho.
    T-Bone Tazzplex for Christian
    Pedigree for Angle
    Scotty gets the Worm face.
    Hogan with the legdrop for Nash.
    Christian poses.
    DDP poses.
    Chris Benoit's TLC table belly flop
    Mark Henry.
    People's Elbow for Jericho - RVD watched in the corner.
    The Big Valbowski does the Grind.
    Lance Storm takes the Stinkface.
    Hogan does the Atlas pose.
    Smackdown fireworks.
    Jericho, in pain.
    Angle, celebrating.
    Chuck and Billy, posing.
    Edge, posing.
    Smackdown Logo
    Angle's eye socker again.
    Rock asks someone to Just Bring It.
    Angle and his fireworks.
    Rock poses.
    Triple H.
    Hurricane posing.
    Albert going for the Baldo Bomb but Tajiri spits red mist.
    Angle yelling at someone.
    Triple H water spit.
    Vince - it's his eye (or it's cut to make it look like Austin's eye is his eye) that we now go into the see the Smackdown logo. (:27)

    What a bunch of posers.

    You know, I kind miss those days when all opens ended with Austin. Also, where's the BAND I NEED SHOTS OF THE BAND!

    New era, same set, same PYRO, same crappy ol' recapper - this show comes to you from the Blue Cross Arena in Rochester, NY 4.4.1 (taped 2.4) and SAP - transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network and maybe also the Score - what a main event we claim to have for you tonight!

    TONIGHT: Kurt Angle takes on Edge!

    Speaking of which, here's KURT ANGLE now. Take a gander at your SmackDown! commentary team: MICHAEL COLE & TAZZ - holy crap, what the hell is Cole wearing? Tazz helpfully offers "Don Johnson - what is it, 1985? Nice jacket!" "I am out here to publicly state, YES. Yes, I hereby am officially willing to face Triple H at Backlash for the Undisputed Championship. Now I don't need to sit here all night and state the reasons why I deserve the title shot...but since you people continue to 'dis' me, I'm gonna list them anyway. Reason #1: I OWN Triple H. I beat him more times than anyone else in this company. Reason #2: I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist. What other reason do you need, simply stated. Reason #3: I am adored and admired by children and senior citizens worldwide - especially the sick ones. And why don't you people shut your mouths because I only have twenty-six other reasons to go. Reason #4--" As CHRIS ONLY ON THURSDAY JERICHO interrupts at this point, I feel I have to make some kind of point regarding the fact that every time the crowd says "What?" I can't help but think that Steve Austin ain't appearing on this that means...well, I guess I'm just wondering if the crowd will ever hep to that. I wonder if I could get a sparkly jacket with MY name on the back of it like Jericho's got. Angle is a bit unhappy about Jericho horning in on his promo. "Angle, you pompous jackass. There is no way in hell that you deserve that championship shot - no, NOBODY deserves that championship shot - NOBODY except for me! I was the very first Undisputed champion in history, and I have not received one single one-on-one championship rematch yet! The only rematch I received was some stupid Triple Threat with Stephanie McMahon, a match that SHE lost, NOT me. And now, not only do I not get another chance, but I have to stare in the faces of these mealy-mouthed, moon-faced idiots....who are thinking in the back of their heads that I am a has-bean! I can see it in your eyes, you all think I'm a has-been, but you know what? I - am not - am not - am not a has-bean!" Crowd agrees: they chant "asshole." "I'm gonna--" Cole says it's a "has-been" chant. Uh huh. "Well I'm gonna prove it, because I'm takin' that championship match against Triple H at Backlash, and there is nothing that anybody here can do about it! How do ya like them apples, Angle?" "Well I don't like it one bit. But let me put it to you like this, Jericho. As far as your quest for a title rematch goes, it already HAS BEEN completed." Angle is really pleased with himself for the bon mot. "Oh, that was a good one, Angle, oh that was a gem, that was HIIIIIIIIIII-larious! But if memory serves me correctly, the last time the two of us faced each other in a match, this supposed has-been BEAT you - so what does that make ya now, Angle, huh? But hey - seriously, we could go back and forth on this all night, but there's only one way to settle it. I say, one-on-one, with the winner facing Triple H at Backlash, it's you versus me, tonight on SmackDown!" "I'm fine with that, Jericho. Consider it done." They shake hands - wait, Angle has a match with Edge, doesn't he? Well, it may all be moot soon as THE ROCK walks out, and I have a sneaky suspicion he might think it's HIS turn to get a title shot. Crowd seems to think so: there's the "Rock E" chant. "FINALLY The Rock has come back to Raw-chestah!! You two actually think that you're the only two viable names - who's just gonna throw their names in a hot, throw that hat in the ring to face Triple H at Backlash? Well let the Rock remind you, is there's one man if you wanna talk about names that should face Triple H at Backlash - let the Rock remind you, there's one man who's had more bigger matches with Triple H than the two of you put together, there's one man who deserves it, and there ain't no one - AND THE ROCK MEANS NO ONE - who deserves a shot more th--" Rock cuts himself off. Pause. A pregnant pause - a thoughtful pause. A...boring pause. "Maybe there is someone else." Either the crowd starts a "Hogan" chant here...or they splice one in (more likely, but I'm only guessing). "Maybe there is someone else, because the Rock knows that one day he'll have his title shot, and one day, when that day comes, the Rock will whup candy(ass) like he never whupped before, and become WWF Champion! But until then...maybe the one man who deserves a title shot a little bit more than the Rock..." Rock stops for another alleged "Hogan" chant. "Well then the Rock says we should give the title shot at Backlash to a legend. We should give the title shot at Backlash, to an I-con." "Well thank you, Rock. It's about time somebody--" "Ah, shut your mouth, jabrone, the Rock's not talking about you! Nononononononnonononononono - the one man who should go to Backlash and face Triple H for the WWF Championship, The Rock is talkin' about Hulk Hogan!" Jericho reacts with shock that Rock wasn't talking about HIM, either. "Hulk Hogan!? Hulk Hogan!? I think that is ridiculous! I think that--" "It doesn't matter what you think!" "Well, *I* think that--" "It doesn't matter what YOU think!" Man, listen to the Rock's voice crack - being Hogan's bitch is EMASCULATING him! "It doesn't matter what either one of you think - it doesn't matter what you think, it doesn't matter what you think, it doesn't even matter what the Rock thinks. Because, you see, what you two fail to realise is this is all new - although is still SmackDown!, this is a NEW SmackDown! And although this is the Rock's show, SmackDown!, (the Rock: the People's Champion), the Rock says as of now, SmackDown!, now and forever will be known as the People's Show. And seein' as it's the people's show, and you two jabrones are standing in the middle of the ring with your thumb up your candy(ass)es...and you're surrounded by the millions...of Rock's fans, in thirty seconds, they are gonna let you know who they want to go to Backlash, and face Triple H - they are gonna let you know who they wanna see WIN the WWF Championship at Backlash, and, on the count of three, they will either chant Jericho, Angle or Hogan (surprisingly loud voice: "ANGLE!"), 1, 2, 3..." Crowd chants "Hogan" - as far as we know. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! This is YOUR show! You keep that sum(bitch) goin'!" Jericho spikes his mic. "You see, Vince McMahon, if you're listening, Vince McMahon - Vince McMahon if you're listening, the most electrifying fans have spoken on the most electrifying show on television, and as you say, Vince McMahon...the money talks, the bull(shit) walks...IF YA SUHMELLLLLLLALALALALALAOOOOWWWW WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'."

    Why doesn't Rock want a title shot? Maybe he still has BRAIN DAMAGE from WHEN HOGAN DROVE THAT SEMI INTO HIS AMBULANCE

    Big Show shills Stacker 2

    See the WWF live - or this roster, anyway! Saturday, Davis; Sunday, Frefno; Monday, Yuma; Tuesday in Tucson is SOLD OUT; Saturday, Montgomery; and Sunday, Hattiesburg!

    EARLIER TODAY! Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert shared a moment while warming up: "That's it - are you ready?" "Oh, I'm ready." "Tonight's our night." "Our night." "Do you realise how many superstars are trying to become the #1 contender for that WWF title? And do you realise, big man, that tonight, you and I together are the #1 contenders for the World Wrestling Federation tag team titles? And if we go out there and beat Billy & Chuck tonight, we come back World Wrestling Federation tag team champions?" "Oh yeah...oh yeah." "You with me?" "Am I with you?" "Yeah." "I'm with you - (slaps his chest) - little man!"

    WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: SCOTTY 2 HOTTY & ALBERT (already in the ring - Westbrook, Maine and Boston, Massachusetts - 559 pounds) v. BILLY & CHUCK (champions - Austin, Texas and San Diego, California - 534 pounds - with Rico)
    referee: BRIAN HEBNER
    This week, Rico's added a stylish streak down the mohawk strip of his hair. Tazz says Rico helped outfit him tonight - and Rico gives him the thumbs up...then gives Cole a hand to talk to. Scotty starts with Billy - lockup, knee by - oh sorry, that's Chuck, actually. Chuck right, right, right. Into the ropes, hip toss blocked, gutshot by Scotty to double him over, leg over the neck, flippy flippy, ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for 1. Chuck runs to Billy and throws his arms around him - so Scotty uses Chuck's head to butt Billy...almost in a sensitive area, but Billy seems all right as he comes in - but falls into an armdrag. Into the ropes is reversed, and Chuck gives Scotty a shot from behind - Scotty turns round and knocks Chuck off the apron, but eats a big clothesline from Billy as he turns back. Billy directs Hebner's attention to Albert as Chuck comes in to stomp all over Scotty behind his back. Chuck stays in without a tag. Scotty fires back - right, right, right, Chuck with a knee to stop that. Scooped up on the shoulder...running to the corner, Scotty frees himself and shoves Chuck into the buckles - Chuck tries a clotheslines which misses and Scotty's superkick puts Chuck down TIMMMMMMBEERRRRRR. Both men are down - crowd comes alive as Albert leads the claps. Tag to Billy - HOT TAG TO ALBERT! Right for Billy, right for Chuck, right for Billy, right for Chuck, Billy shot into the ropes, powerslam, 1, 2, Chuck's attempt to break it up fails when Albert steps aside and Billy eats the elbow. Chuck tossed through the ropes - Billy put in the corner - yaaaaaavalanche - Albert makes some waves in his corner's direction...I think he wants a worm here - tag to Scotty. Rico climbs to the apron and tags Albert in the back here - GREAT facial expression when Albert turns around and now the chase is on. Unfortunately, the good guys aren't paying much attention here - Albert is blindsided by a clothesline by Chuck, while inside the ring Billy grabs Scotty - into the ropes, head is down, Scotty counters with a tornado DDT - leg is hooked but the zebra is occupied with the doings on the outside and misses the pinfall! Scotty back up as Rico hits the ring - WHAM there's a MASSIVE roundhouse kick from Rico and Scotty's outta here. Billy manages to drape an arm over him - 1, 2, 3, champs retain. (3:07) Rico back in the ring to celebrate...but slowly realising that Albert is standing over him. While Rico begs off, Scotty comes up from behind with the bulldog - well NOW we'll get that W O R M NOOOO Albert puts Scotty down AGAIN with the pump kick! Scotty pulls himself up - yaaaavalanche in the corner! Three kneelifts and a back elbow - Albert scares off the referee, then wraps up Scotty between the ropes. Forearm across the chest - and one more. Forearm in the back. "You weighed me down - you understand me? You weighed me down. You made me dance for six months - you understand me?" BALDOBOMB.

    Some guy stands in from of THE EXCITING DOOR! When we come back, Mr. McMahon will announce the #1 Contender!

    Tough Enough 2 ad

    "The Scorpion King" starring The Famous Rock ad

    Rob van Dam shills SLURPEES at 7-Eleven! As many of you know, I happen to live across the street from one, so I went to my local 7-Eleven to check it out - I saw all the promotional stuff but NO cups, NO posters, and NO Bruisin' Berry flavour available! Man my 7-Eleven SUCKS!

    Back to the door as promised. "Mr. McMahon - may I have a word with you?" "Heh heh. Who are you?" "I'm MARK LLOYD." "Mark Lloyd. Did you ever work for Ric Flair?" "No sir." "Welcome to SmackDown!, kid." "Mr. McMahon, my question! Have you decided who the #1 Contender is?" "As a matter of fact, I have, Mark. You see, the World Wrestling Federation is all about opportunity, this is the land of opportunity, and one deserving individual will have the opportunity of a lifetime. But just so you'll know, I don't succumb to public pressure, I could care less what the public wants, 'cause quite frankly I know what they want better than they do. I could care less what the Rock wants. It's all about what I want. And I want the one well-deserving individual to have his opportunity to be the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation champion - bigger than WrestleMania! Therefore, at Backlash, Triple H defends the Undisputed WWF championship against.....Hulk Hogan." Mark makes the "wotta scoop!" reaction as McMahon walks away...

    Meanwhile, Jericho, whohas been watching a monitor that may or may not actually be on, reacts with unhappiness, feebly kicks the stand the monitor is on (actually breaking it would have cost MONEY), then walks out and finds the Rock. "YOU! You son of a (bitch)! You stupid moron! You just *had* to open your big mouth and suggest Hulk Hogan. That title shot was MINE! You suggest Hulk Hogan?! These people are chanting 'has been' at me - Hulk Hogan was a never was! What has Hulk Hogan ever done in this company? What has Hulk Hogan ever accomplished in this business? He couldn't even beat you at WrestleMania! I've got no problem with beatin' ya, Rock - I've beat you at No Mercy...I've beat you at Judgment Day...I've beat you at--" Hand in the face. "Why don't you try and beat the Rock...tonight?" "All right. Tonight...I beat the People's Champion...on the People's Show." Rock narrates the front of his T-shirt - "Get ready." - then walks away so we can read the back of it ("Your candy-ass is next!"), presumably because they can't actually SAY "ass" but it's okay to have it prominently displayed on a T-shirt... You know, actually this entire sequence is amazingly well-framed by the camera dude and the director. Go back and watch it again; you'll see what I mean.

    Go to Six Flags Marine World tomorrow and meet Al Snow and Maven! It's WWF Attitude Day - aka "nothing better to do before the UC Davis house show day"

    Doesn't having *Terry Bradshaw* be the spokesperson for SUPERCUTS kinda defeat the purpose?

    Here's a Forceable Entry CD track - "Whatever" by Our Lady Peace is Chris Benoit's theme and finally it's not just a rumour. Said CD, by the way, jobs to Celine Dion but still makes an impressive #3 debut on the Billboard chart

    Here's a Special Video Look at (some of) the history between Christian and DDP

    CHRISTIAN (already in the ring - Tampa, Florida - 215 pounds) v. DDP (The Jersey Shore - 248 pounds)
    referee: JIMMY KORDERAS
    Page grins, ducks a swing (I bet he has to do that a lot when he grins like that), right hand to put Christian down, into the ropes, Christian kicks, leapfrog by Page, monkey flip, clotheslines him over the top and out of the ring, then sucks up to the fans. Christian manages a hot shot on his way back in, and takes control - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, side Russian legsweep, 2. Christian hits the headlock - Page fights back up - elbow, elbow, shoves him into the ropes, Christian ducks, Page drops down - he wants another monkey flip but Christian stops, grabs the legs and orders a count - 1, 2, Page rolls through and assumes the same position - 1, 2, Christian kicks out and Page converts it into a wheelbarrow suplex - yow! Both men are down. Korderas doesn't get to 3 before both men have made it back to their feet. Page with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," left, right, left, right, left, right, wacky wave (huh?), discus lariat - into the ropes is reversed but Page manages a knee - big sitout powerbomb - 1, 2, NO! Christian ducks the next discus lariat attempt and hits his backbreaker - but only gets 2. Page sent into the corner, elbow up, spins around Christian - HE hooks the top rope to avoid the Diamond Cutter and Page hits hard. Christian walks over - Page sneaks in a rollup but only gets 2! Christian catches the kick, spins him around, ducks a clothesline attempt and locks him in for a Slop Drop - hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!! Cue the tantrum. Page watches with amusement as Cole hits all the cliches. Page walks over - Christian rakes the eyes, UNPRETTIER - 1, 2, 3! Hmm, maybe it was all a ruse. (3:18)

    Backstage, Angle is commiserating aloud for the benefit of the cameraman - and us! "I can't believe this. What the heck is Mr. McMahon thinking? Hulk Hogan with the #1 Contender shot? Why don't we just elect Hillbilly Jim for president while we're at it? I can't-- oh, this is just great, what the heck do you want? What, are you here to rub it in? I have a match with you later tonight, don't make me madder than I am!" Pan over - it's Edge. "Kurt...why don't you settle down, okay? Settle down, settle down. I know we have a match tonight." "Yeah." "I know we've had our problems lately." "YES WE DO." "Well the more I've been thinking about it, the more I feel bad." "What?" "Well, we used to be really tight - I mean, really good friends." "Yeah we were, so what?" "Well, I was going through my attic the other day. Look what I found - I found these pictures, check it out." Edge holds up the photo - the camera catches the flip side, where "YOU SUCK >--" is written. OMG EDGE SEES THE CAMERA "Hey! That's when I first won the WWF title!" "Yeah, look how sharp it is! Pretty good, huh?" "That's awesome!" "Hey, there's more - check 'em out!" "Wow, man. Oh, this is cool." Angle holds up the next one - and arrow points up with "YES I DO SUCK" on the back. "I hope these cheer you up! See you out there." Next one: "AND I'M A DORK." - "IT'S TRUE" - "P.S. I HAVE NO TESTICLES (with down arrow)" Angle finally catches on when he flips one over looking for a date. "What the-- son of a..."

    Ooh LOOK! Triple H! It's Triple H! It's Triple H! And HE - IS - WALKING!

    "Scorpion King" soundtrack CD ad - strange that they don't include their website link anywhere...I'd do it now but eh

    Jakks Pacific Hall of Fame Playset and R3 figures ad - oh, you know what...for months I've been getting it wrong and it's Hall of PAIN. Good thing Rick didn't catch THAT one, eh? That'd REALLY be embarrassing!

    One more Six Flags Marine World ad - meet Al Snow & Maven! PLEASE!! I'd go, I LOVE sleep

    Another Special Look "Behind the Scenes: The Scorpion King"

    As we examine this exterior shot, I put to you that the Blue Cross Arena is neither Blue nor a Cross - discuss

    Time now for THE MAN (with TV-PG-DLV & SAP transmitido en espanol) to chew up another ten minutes or so. Since I have a couple minutes while H does his whale blowhole bit, let me take the time to wonder aloud: why exactly Vince would give the #1 contendership to Hulk Hogan anyway? Come to think of it, whatever happened to Hogan being the #1 draft pick and Hogan calling him "InVinceible" and all that? Will it all tie together down the road? And if it does, will we still care? I gotta tell ya, I like that new "fifteen pounds of gold" title belt just fine and I think it's getting a bum rap from The Community - but that's just my own opinion. Hey, it looks GOOD on Triple H's shoulder there! "Monday night on RAW, Ric Flair made a championship match for Backlash - Triple H versus The Undertaker. Vince McMahon then, tonight, states that it is HE that contractually has the right to make the championship match at Backlash - not Ric Flair - so Vince McMahon makes the match for THE Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship - it will be Triple Hhhhhh - versus - Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Now quite frankly, I could care less either way...but since it looks like it's gonna be Hogan, and Dead Man, I know you're watching this - and I know you're (pissed) off thinking you've lost your shot, you've lost your chance - well let me assure you of one thing...this title is going nowhere. You have lost nothing, because when I get done with Hogan, I will be waiting FOR YOU. Now, as far as Hogan goes--" The smell of voodoo chili fills the air as red and yellow spotlights flash - red and yellow? Yep, YOU KNOW WHO is back out and the black and white is all gone - straight outta Superstar Billy Graham's wardrobe, Hogan is clad in red and yellow pants, new T-shirt available at the Shop Zone, big yellow 'do rag, red and yellow boas - oy. And, of course, a yellow weight belt. All H can do is grin. Crowd chants "Hogan" while Hogan does his comical "looking to and fro" that's starting to become really annoying. "As far as Hogan goes, I was just as surprised as you were, Hunter, when Vince McMahon made the match: Triple H versus Hollywood Hulk Hogan for the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship at Backlash. You know, brother, I thought it couldn't get any bigger than WrestleMania I, when myself and Mr. T teamed up and punked out Orndoff (Orndoff? C'mon) and his partner Piper. And then I thought it couldn't get any bigger than WrestleMania III - with 94,000 fans screaming, I pressed Andre the Giant over my head and beat him right in the middle of the ring. I thought it couldn't get any bigger than WrestleMania XVIII when I took on the Rock - the FANS brought Hulkamania back! The fans have surprised me more than anything else in my life. And oh yeah, Hunter, Hulkamania is back, brother. But it doesn't get any bigger than the Undisputed title. So if these fans believe in me--" they look to and fro "--and these fans deserve I believe a shot--" they look to and fro "--well then, brother, I'm gonna TAKE it." Another chant. "You're doesn't get any bigger than the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship - and believe me when I tell you, it will be an honour for me to be in the ring with The Immortal Hulk Hogan. But while it's an honour, there's just a little part of me that's sad. Sad because I'm gonna have to hurt someone I've looked up to my whole life. And I'm gonna have to hurt him badly. Make no mistake - make no mistake - I will not hesitate, not for one second will I hesitate in that ring. When you step in the ring with me for the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship, and you look across that ring, and you look in my eye, you're not're not an are just like everybody else; you are an obstacle, and I will run - you - down." They're nose to nose. H backs away a bit. "Now...that is not a threat...." Pause for chant - and so Hogan can look to and fro. "That is not a threat, that is not a warning, that is just a fact. Nothing will come between me and this Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship - not even The Immortal Hulk Hogan. Because, brother, I AM THE GAME...and I am THAT DAMN GOOD." H turns to leave but they didn't play his music, so I guess Hogan gets the final word. "You konw, Hunter, you may be right. But even when the experts say Hulkamania is dead and gone, brother, it always rises up again. And at Backlash, my friend, when Hulkamania rises up, brother - Triple H, I got just one question for you. ...what'cha gonna do." Here comes the shirt... "WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD - ON - YOU?" H hits the pose - H smiles again. Man, Hogan should shave off the naturally coloured part of his beard 'cause it REALLY makes him look like Randy Savage...

    UP NEXT: Angle vs. Edge!

    Forceable Entry CD ad

    Booker T shills Swanson's Hungry Man - hey, is it just me or did every WWF superstar appearing in a commercial end up on RAW?

    For those of you wondering, "Van Wilder" has been added to Official CRZ "I Wish This Fucking Movie Would Fucking Open Already So I Wouldn't Have To See Any More Fucking Ads For It" Hall of Fame, by the way

    And now, the Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From Earlier Tonight, Edge shows Angle some photos - I don't know exactly how his boot is involved here, but..... Hey, what happened to the "This man blows goats. I have proof" card, anyway?

    KING EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover, and SmackDown! is brought to you by "Frailty," Tobacco Which is Whacko, and Foot Locker!) v. KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds)
    referee: MIKE CHIODA
    Angle goes straight to the ring - they trade blows at the start, but Angle hits a knee to take charge, right, right, right, stomp, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp. Cole: "This is the type of action, Tazz, you're going to see on the brand new era of SmackDown!" Lord have mercy. Into the ropes, reverse, Edge with a Viscera kick...but Angle ducks the swing and comes right back with a German suplex. Vertical suplex gets Angle 2. Head to the buckle. Chop, chop, chop - Edge changes positions, chop, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Edge gets the boot up on the charge - and Angle catches him in a belly-to-belly as Edge walks in. Angle tries for the Olympic Slam and Edge counters out, hitting the half nelson faceplant. Both men down - both men up at 3 - Edge blocks a punch and connects with an elbow. Angle's swing misses; Edge's doesn't. Edge with another right, right, pulls him away from the ropes, reversal, Edge ducks, Edge-O-Matic - 1, 2, no. Right, right, right, right, right, Edge ends up tied up in the ropes - Edge makes an Anglesque "wow" and spears the opened-up Angle. A second spear! Chioda finally manages to free Angle - Edge with a forearm that puts Angle outside. Angle decides to grab a chair on his way back in. Edge with a double sledge off the apron - everybody back in and Angle rakes the eyes. Right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, back body drop. Right, forearm in the back, forearm, forearm, finally Chioda pulls him off of him....Angle takes this opportunity to grab the chair - here comes Edge with another spear...into the chair! Chioda calls for the bell. (DQ 3:14) Angle protests the call - DOWN COME THE STRAPS!! Shove for Chioda - Chioda shoves back - now they each grab for the chair - Angle gets it, windup, Edge ducks, forearm puts him down - Edge grabs the chair and swings...but misses. Angle's long gone. Play Rob Zombie again! Edge apparently has a split eyebrow...

    Backstage, Torrie lotions up - and Billy Kidman sneaks up on her. "Hey Billy, how ya doin'?" "I am doing great - it is so good to be back, but listen. I just wanted to tell you that tonight I have a cruiserweight title match against Tajiri. And I know you're gonna be out there in his corner, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm going in there tonight to beat him for that title. And I know we've had our past, and our past differences in WCW but... that's all behind us now. I just want to wish you guys both the best of luck." "You know what, you're such a class act. I really appreciate that. Good luck to you too." "Thank you." Ooh the HUG - Tajiri happens by at this point and says "(Something in Japanese)," then says "kiss for luck." Torrie gives him a buss on the cheek. "More luck." "More luck?" Kiss on the lips. Tajiri makes a funny face to Kidman, then grabs Torrie's hand and walks off. "Good luck..." "Thanks."

    WWF Forceable Entry track: Sevendust - "Break The Walls Down" - hey, Jericho isn't using this track for HIS entrances, either...

    WWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: TAJIRI (champion - Japan - 206 pounds - with Torrie Samuda) v. BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown, Pennsylvania - 215 pounds)
    referee: MIKE SPARKS
    Lockup, hammerlock by Kidman - Tajiri reaches back, drops down and takes Kidman over. Kidman up and over, dueling hiptosses, Tajiri with a gutshot, leg over the neck into a headscissors takevoer. Into the corner, Kidman up and onto the shoulders, HE hits a flying headscissors - Tajiri ducks a clothesline, Kidman ducks a roundhouse kick, armdrag by Kidman, armdrag by Tajiri, Tajiri kips up as Kidman gets back to his feet - pause for applause. I think the commentators have called zero moves thus far. Tajiri ducks a clothesline and lands a back brain kick that takes Kidman out through the ropes - Tajiri onto the apron - ASAI MOONSAULT!! Oh man I am BEGGING these guys to call a move in this match. Tajiri stomps on his head for effect. Back in the ring at 3, Tajiri climbing up top...but Kidman meets him on the way down with a dropkick - 1, 2, no. Kidman sends him into the ropes, Tajiri reverses, Viscera kick on the button - 1, 2, Kidman kicks out! Kick by Tajiri, runs the corner ropes for an Acid Drop...but Kidman adjusts - and counters into a rydeenbomb! Kidman puts Tajiri in position - he's going to the top floor - shooting star press (!) MISSES! Tajiri winds up - there's the KICK - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Tajiri with an arm wringer, chop, into the corner is reversed - Tajiri up and over as he comes in, goes for the Tarantula but Kidman must have had that scouted, because he just shoves him off to the floor. Tajiri decides to grab the title belt while he's out there, and places it in a corner. Kidman with a stomp as Tajiri comes back in - into the corner is reversed, Tajiri leaps to the second rope to try a monkey flip but Kidman spins him around and sits him on the top buckle - Right, Tajiri right, and since he's here he might as well try for the Tarantula. Tajiri lets go and looks for the belt - but Torrie has grabbed it out of the corner and is holding onto it - this surprises Tajiri just enough to fall victim to a cartwheel rollup for the 1, 2, 3 - ladies and gentlemen, we have a new cruiserweight champion. (3:17) Tajiri makes saucer eyes - Torrie seems rather embarrassed about the whole thing. Tajiri gets the mic! He says something in Japanese, and then tells her to get in the ring. Crowd says "what?" (watch Austin on RAW!) Now I don't know what he said, but amazingly that censor does, 'cause he actually gets beeped! I think the gist is they're through. Play his music!

    To Vince's offense for a segue. "You know, quite frankly I'm all right with Billy Kidman as the new cruiserweight champion, but the one title - the one title change that sticks in my craw, can't get it out, it's right here is that damned no good Maven. Maven was drafted by me not because he was the winner of Tough Enough 1, Maven was drafted by me to bring the hardcore title to SmackDown! And what did he do? He lost the damn thing. Bob Holly...tonight, I want you to teach Maven a listen he'll never forget." "Now Vince, you know as well as I do if I'd'a been the trainer of Tough Enough 1, Maven woulda never lasted one single day." "Well then, since your first name is 'Hardcore,' Bob Holly, let's make certain that Maven doesn't last the rest of the night." Handshake. "You got it." "I know I do. Come in." It's Stacy Keibler. "Hi Stacy." "Hi Mr. McMahon!" "Oh no no no! Just call me...Vince." "Okay, Vince. I know that you have a lot on your plate right now...but I was wondering if I could offer you my services...oh, let me get that for you." Gratuitous bendin' over shot. "Thank you so much." " an executive assistant." "Oh, I see. Well, uh..." "Mr. McMahon, you know the other night on RAW when you said that you had the intellectual SPERM that has fertilized the egg of professional wrestling - oh - that is now modern-day sports entertainment? I LOOOVE the way that you talk!" "Well, uh, you know something, Stacy...for the record, I love the way that...that you walk. Have a seat." Everybody makes faces and we're (mercifully) off and away to the ad break

    When we come back, Vince adjusts his shirt and jacket...then acknowledges the knock at his door. "Come on in, Stacy, you don't have to knock." Well, that ain't her - it's D-Von Dudley. "No, it ain't Stacy. We need to talk. We need to talk now. Who the hell do you think you are splittin' up the best tag team that the World Wrestling Federation has EVER seen? You split me and my brother up because of you and Ric Flair's games? Who the hell do you think you are? We spent our lives trying to get to the World Wrestling Federation, trying to prove that we could become the best tag team, and you go by, sittin' up there with Flair, arguin' and carryin' on, fightin' and so forth and so on. Explain yo' self - it's time for you to testify, and to tell D-Von what the hell's goin' on!" "Well I'd be real happy to. You see, I wanted to draft the Dudley Boyz - I wanted the Dudley Boyz on SmackDown! Flair found that out, and what did Flair do? Flair splits the team up. He was the man with the first choice; he chose your brother (Bubba Ray). So then there, I was left with no alternative but to choose what I thought was the best brother - you (D-Von). Now, maybe I was wrong. You see, because I, quite frnakly, didn't want this for the Dudleyz, but since it happened, I was hoping that maybe D-Von was ready to step up - D-Von was ready to climb the ladder of success. And I'll tell you what - why don't you get the hell out of my office - and you stay the hell outta my office until you find out just who the hell YOU are. Because I got high hopes for D-Von Dudley - get out, and don't come back until you're ready to be a WWF superstar." D-Von ponders this - Vince points the way. "Come back when you're ready."

    Meanwhile, Maven models a 7-Eleven WWF plastic cup while Al Snow inspires: "Think about it - one year ago - one year ago you were just a schoolteacher in Oregon! NOW you're a Tough Enough winner, you've already wrestled Chris Jericho for the WWF title, and you're three - yes, THREE-time hardcore champion. And think about it, a year ago you would have had to go in the WORST part of town, find the weirdest stranger, and have him mug you... to get an ass-whuppin' like you're probably gonna get you tonight. So all I can tell you Maven, as you face Bob Holly (makes sign of the cross) is that, just remember, (kisses both cheeks) God is always with you...and you're sure as hell gonna need him now. Good luck."

    WWF Divas magazine ad

    What a productive segment!

    Big Show shills Stacker 2 - again

    And now, the WWF Smack of the Night, brought to you by Foot Locker! From last week's show, Raven wins the hardcore title

    MAVEN (Tigard, Oregon - 220 pounds) v. HARDCORE HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama - 234 pounds)
    referee: TEDDY LONG
    Holly's been eating Jared to lose that 166 pounds, by the way. Lockup, side headlock by Maven, Holly powers out, Maven ducks the swing and lands a Viscera kick for 2. Maven hesitates - that's not good, Holly quickly takes over with a gutshot, forearm in the back, forearm, forearm, right, slap, kick, chop, chop, slap, right, grabs the legs for the Best Crotch Kick in the Business. Atomic drop. Clothesline (not with the bionic arm - hmm, I wonder if the left arm is still bionic). Into the ropes, Best Dropkick in the Business is back! It's all Holly - scoop.....and a slam. Holly climbing up top...but Maven puts the boot up and Holly eats it! Cover by Maven - 1, 2, no! Replay of the Dropkick as Maven climbs up top - HE has a sweet missile dropkick as well - 1, 2, NO! Whoops, Maven let up again - Holly gets the Alabama slam just like that - and just like that, it's over. 1, 2, 3. (2:04)

    Commentators remind us of what we've been watching all night

    EARLIER TONIGHT! How we ended up with a Jericho/Rock match tonight - I'M just trying to figure out what the heck Rock's got a bottle of in his left hand...


    Tough Enough 2 ad - again

    Last chance to hear about meeting Al Snow and Maven at Six Flags Marine World! (Thank goodness!)

    CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds - with Fozzy @ The World hype - FRIDAY!) v. THE ROCK (Miami, Florida - 275 pounds)
    referee: TIM WHITE
    Man, somebody needs to tell Cole how to properly kayfabe the Jericho/McQueen thing - and by "properly" I mean, "at all." Tazz at least gives it a shot. Jericho decides to meet Rock in the aisle mid-entrance and we're off and running - right by Jericho, right by Rock, Jericho, Rock, Jericho, Rock, Jericho, Rock, Rock, Rock, head to the apron by Rock, right, right, right, right, flourish right puts Jericho over the barrier - and Rock follows. Head to the barrier - Jericho blocks the next one and puts Rock's there. But Jericho runs into a hiptoss over the barrier - Rock follows. Jericho ducks a clothesline. WOW Catapult into the ringpost!! Jericho puts Rock in the ring and NOW the bell rings to begin the match. Jericho with a big kick in the gut. Slide dropkick. "You think I'm a has-been, huh?" Chop. "You think I'm a has-been, Rocky?" Chop. Another big chop - and another look of DEATH on the face of the Rock. Hey, maybe being in that movie is helping his selling! Rock decides that man, those things hurt, so he ducks the next chop and they trade places in the corner - and now it's the Rock with a right, chop, chop, chop, chop, slap chop slap, into the opposite corner is reversed, and Jericho connects with a Viscera (man, is it the anniversary of Viscera being let go? Everyone's doing his kick tonight) for 2. Jericho in the mount - right, right, right, right. Jericho makes the "I want da belt" hand motion, which is curious, since this match ain't for a belt. Right cross by Jericho. Jericho going out and going up - "Rock E" chant - but Jericho still hits the missile dropkick! 1, 2, NO! Give that a SmackDown! Replay. Jericho picks Rock back up - suplex coming up - beautiful. "C'mon Baby" gets 2. Jericho boots Rock in the head - again - and one more. Jericho winds up for a right - Rock blocks it - ROCK with a right, right, right, Jericho ducks, grabs the double leg takedown and tries to clamp on the Walls...Rock stays on his back and grabs two ropes - "senior SmackDown! official" White forces the break. Jericho shoves him away and gets to stomping on Rock - that's seven big stomps. "You think I'm a has-been, huh?" Jericho is making a point here. Jericho climbing up - but stops to make motions to the crowd, and that's just long enough for Rock to hit the ropes and crotch him! Rock over to Jericho - right hand, right, climbs to the second rope - is it? YES! SUPERPLEX! Both men are down and White puts on the count. Nobody's moving - we wouldn't get a double countout here, would we? Nobody'd get buried....both men up at 7. Jericho runs into a clothesline, another, put into the ropes, belly-to-belly throw, Rock with a DDT, 1, 2, NO!! Rock back on him - right, into the ropes, Jericho tries to come off with a flying jalapeno but Rock steps aside it...and *White* ends up eating the forearm! Double leg by Rock...sharpshooter applied, but there's no ref! Ohhh, KURT ANGLE hits the ring to ruin this match - Rock blocks, right, right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT RIGHT and Angle goes over the top to the outside. Rock turns back - Jericho with a scoop...and a slam. Jericho's face lights up. He kicks Rock's arm to his side, removes an elbowpad, thinks about throwing it, but instead gives the crowd an upyours and tosses it back to the mat. Jericho slashes the air - off one set of ropes, Rock nips up as Jericho comes off the other set - there's the spinebuster! And now ROCK removes his the ropes - INTO A CLOTHESLINE FROM ANGLE! Angle picks up Rock for an Olympic Slam, then rolls back outside. Jericho over to Rock - grabs a leg and covers - White back into consciousness - 1.... 2.... NO! And now KING EDGE is back out, unleashing the punches in bunches on Angle - and clotheslining him over the barrier and following! They're going to go backstage and out of our picture, so let's look back in the ring...White *again* starts the mandatory ten count. Crowd chants "Rock E." White is up to 6 one more time... 7... Jericho to a knee at 8 - Jericho back to his feet - over to Rock - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" - again - Rock right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT NOOOOOO Jericho ducks it!! Jericho walks in - ROCK BOTTOM NOOO Jericho elbows out of THAT! Jericho off the ropes - BULLDOG!! Lionsault - MISSES! Rock is coiled - waiting - there - ROCK BOTTOM! 1, 2, 3!!!! (7:34) Cole proclaims that "the Chris Jericho monkey is off his back!" Credits are up - and Tough Enough 2 is NEXT!

    I dunno - I think RAW was better. Still....after this week, I think I'll shift back to optimism. This just might work yet.

    [slash] wrestling

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