(Obsolete) UPN - Thursday!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-PG - WWF!

Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

PYRO AWAY and so are we, one more time - from the Convention Center in Tuscon, AZ 11.4.1 (taped 9.4) and SAP transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network (and the Score in Canada), it's WWF SmackDown!

TONIGHT: It's Edge vs. Chris Jericho!

TONIGHT: Nontitle match - Kurt Angle vs. Triple H!

Speaking of which, KURT ANGLE kicks us off once again - wait, this isn't LAST week's show, is it? Let me make sure...okay. Remeber, every time the crowd chants "What?" it's for a guy that ain't ever appearing on this show: "Last week, in a move that was apparently 'good for business,' Mr. McMahon said that Triple H would be defending the WWF Title at Backlash against Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Puh, and might I add, leez. Does Mr. McMahon think that people want to see that match? Give me a break! People, I'll have you know that in the Olympics I beat Iranians and Russians a HECK of a lot tougher than Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Freakin' Sheik! And what's worse, Ric Flair made a match on RAW that assures that I won't have a title shot for a very long time. That's not right. I'm better than anyone on RAW or SmackDown! Oh, it's true...it's damn true! And tonight, I'm gonna prove just that. Tonight, I requested and received a nontitle match against Triple H. And I'm gonna prove to the whole world just what WOULD have happened if Mr. McMahon hadn't gone MENTAL (circles ear with finger) and made the Hollywood Hulk Hogan/Triple H match and Backlash. And people, the only WHAT you people will be chanting is WHAT an unbelievable butt-kicking Triple H is gonna take! And you know what, people....you people are just plain rude. I didn't have people chanting WHAT when I won an Olympic Gold Medal in Atlanta! No no no - THOSE people had respect for their heroes! Not you idiots here in Tucson! But people...let's try this: every time I say a sentence, I want you people to respond by saying 'it's true.' No, 'it's true.' I said it's true! It's true it's true it's true it's true it's true it's true it's true it's true it's true--" Well here's KING EDGE to, as Cole says, "stop the pain." He's fun-lovin'! (Just like the Godfather used to be!) You can tell 'cause he's grinning goofily. "Kurt....Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. How do I tell ya this. Your Olympic Gold Medal win - it was inspiring. It was uplifting. But more importantly, it was six years ago! Dude, you need to get out of the past and start livin' in the present." At this point, I rack my brain trying to figure out the last guy who said "dude" and come up far removed from the present. "But I think I can help you with that. Since you aren't gonna be having any WWF title shots any time soon, maybe you and I can settle some unfinished business at Backlash." "You wanna shot at me you snot-nosed punk? You know what, Edge, you're right. I don't have a title shot at Backlash - but at Backlash, it'll be my honour to kick your (ass)." "Well Kurt, I'm gonna say something you don't hear very often...but it's a date." Cole laughs so we know it's FUNNY - Edge flashes another "aw shucks aren't I funny" smile. THEN Tazz comes out and says "pretty funny" to further amplify the point. Trying this hard to force it is definitely a sign...of what, I couldn't say, heh heh heh. "But now that that's taken care of, you do have a point, Kurt. These people shouldn't chant 'what' after everything you say." "You're damn right!" "I mean, Stone Cold came up with that, and he's on RAW now...and besides, you are an Olympic Gold Medalist. You're a very special man, Kurt Angle. That's why these people should chant something ELSE after you say something. Something...something very special, something, something very you. I think, after every time that Kurt Angle speaks, everyone should show their appreciation by chanting 'you suck.'" Crowd and/or post-production cheerfully comply. "Hold on a second, people - hold on a second! Cut it out! That's enough! This conversation's over - play my music. No no no don't play my music! Don't play it! Don't play my music! No!" I *think* I must be too old to appreciate this.

Booker T (who isn't on this show) shills Hungry Man

The Rock (who apparently isn't on tonight's show) is in this Scorpion King ad

Angle's fuming in the locker room when we come back - Chris Jericho pays him a visit. "Hey Angle - you know, I just saw what happened out there...and you're right. Edge is nothing more than a snot-nosed punk." "Oh it's true!" "Oh, it is true, and if Edge had kept his nose out of my business last week, there is no question I would have beaten the Rock, and the both of us would have got our revenge against him for even insinutating that Hulk Hogan should be competing for the WWF championship." "You gotta be kidding me." "How ridiculous is that?" "Yeah?" "Yeah, you know what, though? Before you get to face Edge at Backlash, he's gonna get the living hell beaten out of him by Chris Jericho tonight." "Hohoho - oh, I have no doubt. Damn that Edge! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a loud-mouth...Canadian...with long blond hair, who - who dresses like a rock star - I mean.....well, except for you, you're cool." "That I am, Kurt. That I am. But guys like Edge, Triple H and *especially* Hollywood Hulk Hogan are NOT cool. And that's why I say that you and I should form a little pact." "Yeah?" "Yeah, a pact. If anything goes down with any of those (ass) clowns tonight, I say we watch each other's backs. We got a deal?" "Deal." Handshake - Jericho adds a bunch of secret handshake stuff at the end which befuddles Angle - so he just gives Jericho a thumbs up instead.

And now, the WWF Slam of the Week, presented by Subway - eat Jared! From last week, Kidman takes the Cruiserweight championship from Tajiri...which may or may not have been Torrie's fault.

TAJIRI (Tokyo, Japan - 206 pounds - with Torrie Samuda) v. THE HURRICANE (Secret Hideout - 215 pounds)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Torrie's dressed up in a kimono, chopsticks in the hair, socks and sandals - this is Tajiri "putting her in her place" or something. This just in: Kidman/Tajiri rematch at Backlash! What the HECK is up with Hurricane's green flames hairdo? Hurricane offers the hand of friendship - Tajiri kicks it away. Kick by Hurricane, into the ropes is reversed, Hurricane springs off the bottom rope, Tajiri catches him in a bodyscissors, but Hurricane takes him all the way to the outside with an armdrag. Hurricane's gonna fly - somersault plancha to the floor! (Tazz: "hilo" - well, okay) Hurricane puts him back in and climbs up top - big super sunset flip - 1, 2, no. Thumbs up - suplex, no, Tajiri back to his feet - and there's a spin heel kick that puts him down. Tajiri takes over - stomp, stomp, stomp, scoop...and a slam. Kneedrop right on the neck. Against the rope, chop, into the ropes is reversed, but Tajiri tries the handspring...which Hurrican catches - but Tajiri backflips out of THAT suplex attempt, and lands a spinning roundhouse kick to the back of the head, putting Hurricane out. Tajiri tries a pescado, missing when Hurricane rolls out of the way - Tajiri lands on his feet, though - clothesline by Hurricane ducked, Tajiri with a Frankensteiner on the floor! Hurricane put back in the ring - Tajiri climbing up but taking too long - gutshot by Hurricane, right, right, climbing up top - Hurricane with a Frankensteiner! Both men are down - Sparks is up to 3 but Hurricane is up first - ducks a clothesline, catches Tajiri in a high fishermanplex - into the corner, Tajiri is up on the charge - wants the Tarantula but that's been scouted - Eye of the Hurricane! 1, 2, nooo Tajiri has his foot on the rope! Hurricane waits for Tajiri to get up - super(hero)kick is CAUGHT - Tajiri spins him around into a kick of his own, Tajiri to his knees - there's the KICK - 1, 2, 3. Tajiri wins. (3:26) Post-match, Tajiri takes the mic to explain to Torrie how he wins when she doesn't get involved - maybe. Cole says Tajiri is a charter member of the "Chauvinstics of America," whatever that is. "(More stuff in Japanese!)" Man, this is exciting when you don't know what he's saying! Anyway, BILLY KIDMAN stops all this by landing a missile dropkick. They really want this to work, don't they?

Stacy Keibler is WALKING! Then she knocks on the EXCITING DOOR with "Mr. McMahon" on it - and goes in...

Hey, there's a camera in there, too! Stacy bends over and shows us her ass - then she finds a copy of "The Rock is the Scorpion King" magazine to read while stretched out on the sofa. Wheeeee

WWF Shop Zone Dot Com ad

Jakks Pacific Hall of Pain playset and R3 action figures ad

Get ready for the WWF Slam of the Week, brought to you by Adidas Climacool! From last week, Albert turns on Scotty for no apparent reason

ALBERT (Boston, Massachusetts - 350 pounds) v. SCOTTY 2 HOTTY (Westbrook, Maine - 223 pounds)
referee: JIMMY KORDERAS
Albert has decided to go with trunks, without top, without back hair, but with plenty of chest hair - and still sporting two pierces in opposing nippular areas. Yikes. His new theme reminds me of Big Van Vader's very first WCW theme, if you can remember back that far - perhaps hoping to create a link in our minds, as well? You have to admit there are certainly worse people to try to evoke than Vader. Now if only Albert could live up to it....well it starts tonight as Albert's first opponent in this new phase is the man he turned on last week. Even the commentators have no idea why Albert done did what he did. Big shove as soon as Scotty's in the ring - kick off the bounce, right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, threatening the ref, holding him in a quarter nelson and wailing away with the kneelift - that's three of them. Back elbow. Albert rips off Scotty's shirt and kicks it away. Scotty tries to come back - right, right, right, ducks a right but not Albert's big left forearm in the back followthrough. Stomp. Got him between the ropes - throats him on the catapult attempt - 1, 2, Scotty scooted out. Tazz: "Albert might not ever explain himself" - translation: "We'll never be bothered to write something that'll make sense, so we'll just ignore it and hope you forget about it." Open-handed slap - Scotty slaps back, slap, slap, Albert with an karate chop to the throat to stop that. Back in the corner - running into a boot from Scotty. Scotty second rope - missile dropkick yes, 1, 2, no, kickout witih authority. Running clothesline barrels him over. Albert building up a head of steam - nobody home on the yaaaavalanche! Scotty thinks he can hit the bulldog here, but Albert's not going out like that - tries a clothesline but Scotty ducks THAT - Scotty dropkicks the knees, NOW hits the bulldog - probably shouldn't be doing the "I'm gonna do the worm" dance though - sure enough, W O R bicycle kick puts him down. Double choke up - Baldobomb down. 1, 2, 3. (2:37) He ain't done - over the shoulder slam. Albert chases Korderas out of the ring - scoops up Scotty - ANOTHER over the shoulder slam. WHOA, VADERBOMB!! I nailed it! Here comes RIKASHMONEY for the save - and Albert calmly steps out of the ring. 'kishi checks on Scotty - here comes Albet back in - block, right, right, right, right, Rikishikick puts Albert outside! Play his music! Albert ain't happy about things. I think we just got us a BIG MAN feud here. Give it a replay of the Rikishikick.

Another look at Stacy. Here's Vince. She was just wondering if he's given any thought to her offer. "What was that offer again, Stacy?" Okay, I'm outta here. Vince says he'll be interviewing all the candidates (huh?) in the ring (huh?) later. Stacy says she'll give him an offer that he can't refuse. Vince makes faces. Vince only said "quite frankly" once during this segment.

Backlash ad - HHH vs. HHH

See, there wasn't even a personal assistant "position" until Stacy brought it up last week but now there are OTHER CANDIDATES for it? THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE

Hey the Rock hosts 2 hours of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on UPN Tuesday! You'll see more Rock during Buffy than you will on SmackDown! Yep!

Commentators also shill Buffy

LOOK! It's an exciting door! And there's SHARMELL SULLIVAN!

Meanwhile, Maven drinks from a 7-Eleven cup - Rico walks by and makes fun of his wardrobe (and eyebrows) - Al Snow walks up and asks "Wolverine" "where are the rest of the X-Men." Rico says this is no time for jokes during such a fashion emergency. "Maven's eyebrows are in desperate need of a waxing." "Well, you'd be the expert on waxing!" Maven's first zinger, truly a moment in history. Somehow this leads to a Chuck/Snow matchup later in the show. Chuck: "So I guess we got a little date tonight...and Al....don't be late." Then he kisses the air in proximity to his ear."

Meanwhile, Hogan is now OUTSIDE his door to talk to Sharmell! "Well lemme tell ya - when this opportunity first came about, it happened so fast it was like a whirlwind. But after SmackDown! last week, I had plenty of time to think, and talk to all my Hulkamaniacs...and there's nothing more I want in life than just one more time. Just one more time prove in my heart that Hulkamania can conquer all. Just one more time to be the WWF Champion. But Triple H, I gotta give the man his due - he survived a career-ending injury. He survived the Royal Rumble, and he just beat Chris Jericho for the title at WrestleMania. Triple H, he can come back from anything, but when it comes to Backlash, when thousands of Hulkamaniacs are--" Jericho. "Excuse me, Mr. Hogan sir. I didn't mean to interrupt but if I was you, I'd be very leary about this match. I mean, think about it, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain, Mr. Hogan. So you don't win the championship, you've been the champion before, you'll still be 'the Hulkster!' You'll still be a larger than life living legend, just like me. But Triple H, he's got EVERYTHING to lose, Hulkster. If he wins, sure, he pins Hollywood Hulk Hogan - very prestigious victory, but if he loses - if Triple H LOSES - that means the eight months of rehab, that means the championship victory in the main event of WrestleMania 18...all goes down the drain. So Triple H is on the defensive, Hulkster, and that makes him a dangerous man, and take it from a guy who's been through wars with Triple H - when he's dangerous, he'll do anything to win. You think he's gonna rise to the occasion? I say he'll go to any depths to beatcha, HULKSTER. You think this'll be some kinda mutual admiration society like you had with the Rock - au contraire! 'cause when Backlash is finished, it's not gonna end with a Hogan/Triple H handshake, I'll tell ya that. SO Mr. Hogan - THE HULKSTER - HULKAMANIA RUNNIN' WILD - whatch YOU gonna do, brother...when that reality comes crashing down on YOUR head? Mmmm?" Edge adds a cheek slap. Hogan makes a "grrr" face.

UP NEXT: Chris Jericho vs. Edge!

Tough Enough 2 ad

Big Show shills Stacker 2 - wait, that's not Show...that's Lita! How could I make that mistake? Oh well

CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds - with TV-PG-DLV and SAP transmitido en espanol - AND "Ultimate Fights from the Movies," truth, and "the Scorpion King" starring the Rock!) v. KING EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
Lockup, Edge takes him to the corner - Chioda goes between them for the break, Jericho sneaks in a right to take control. Jericho right, chop, chop, blatant choke, forearm, into the ropes is reversed, Jericho ducks, but Edge hits the Viscera next time by. Flapjack. Mount, right, right, right. Forearm in the back, right, chop, chop, Jericho right, right, right, "you think I'm a hasbeen?" Chop. Whip is reversed by Edge, head is down, Jericho kicks him. Jericho runs at Edge, but Edge takes him over the top to the floor! Baseball slide dropkick lands Jericho on the table. Edge out after him - head to the table. Right, right, right. Edge puts him back in as Chioda gets to 4. Edge climbs up top - plancha lands - 1, 2, NO! Jericho cowers behind Chioda...then rakes Edge's face when getting a chance. Clotheslines him down. Nice seated dropkick. Choke on the second rope. Small "has-been" chant - they sure want the crowd to pick up on that but it hasn't happened yet. Jericho off the ropes with a Boss Man straddle. Jericho stokes the crowd with a winning smile. Half hour suplex - NICE. "C'mon Baby" gets 2. Running kick. Right hand, right, right by Edge, jericho, Edge, Jericho, Edge, Edge, Edge, into the ropes is reversed by Jericho, Edge ducks the kneelift and rolls him up in for 2. Big forearm by Jericho gets HIM 2. Chris slaps the back of Edge's head - again - gutshot by Edge, right, right, open-handed slap, chop, whip is reversed, Jericho tries the shoulder but only gets the ringpost. Both men are down and the count is on. At 7, both men are up - Jericho runs in, Edge ducks the swing - Edge right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, flying forearm by Edge - running clothesline - into the ropes, reversed, boot up by Edge on the charge - sunset flip from the second rope but Jericho rolls through - got both legs but can't get the Walls - Edge grabs Jericho's legs and rolls him over - 1, 2, NO! Edge with the half nelson bulldog...well, here's KURT ANGLE - Edge gives him the SPEAR and Angle rolls out before Chioda can turn round and see anything - Jericho with the surprise bulldog - Lionsault - HITS THE KNEES! Edge-o-matic - 1, 2, no! Jericho put into the rope, no, reversal - Edge catches the dropkick in a double leg - WOW catapult into the oh-so-contrived ref bump. Edge locks in the Edgelock - oh, it's now called the "Edge-ucator" and gimme a break - Jericho happily taps with no ref to see it, so Edge lets up on the hold to check on him - Jericho with the clothesline. Out to bring in a chair...but Edge spears him before he can use it - leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!! Angle back up on the apron - Edge over to him - swing misses, Angle with a hot shot - Edge falls back into Jericho's cover and pull of the tights - 1, 2, 3! (7:04) Edge chases Angle backstage as we peep the replays. Coming back, Edge and Angle are brawling back near the projectors - Edge getting the upperhand, but Jericho joins Angle to turn it back around. They toss him into some metal girders, and Angle adds an Olympic Slam onto the concrete floor. Anglelock applied - oh, here's Hulk Hogan to make the save! Jericho thrown into the metal, three right hands for Angle, and Jericho puts him down - Jericho and Angle run off as Hogan gets up - he hangs back to check on Edge.

You're watching UPN!

MOMENTS AGO! In case the ad break wiped your memory clean

Here comes BILLIONAIRE VINCE - about seven minutes later, STACY KEIBLER comes out with the Forceable Entry CD cover and does a Miss Hancock dance while Vince makes faces, falls back in his chair and says "you're hired, Stacy!" If you were hoping I'd tell you what happened between then and then, well I hope the disappointment you are now feeling is even REMOTELY close to the disappointment I felt sitting through this whole bit.

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZ.

The graphic don't lie: the #1 Contender's match at Backlash is Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. the Undertaker!

Rock - Buffy - Tuesday - be there - or watch Andy Richter and "24" instead

See the WWF - LIVE! Saturday, Montgomery - Sunday, Hattiesburg - Monday, University of North Texas - Tuesday, Houston - Saturday, Topeka and Sunday is Backlash!

Seven guys are WALKING! and brandishing money

Back to the Room of Fun: "Stacy I told you not to knock, come on!" Of course, it's NOT Stacy - it's D-Von Dudley, wearing Big Boss Man's old suit (and constantly in a state of flux as to whether he wants that top button buttoned or unbuttoned...) "Now, look, D-Von...I sent you away last week for you to find yourself." "TESTIFY! Oh, you sent me out last Thursday night to find myself, which is what I did. You see, Vince, I went and did what you said to do, and that's to go find myself, but I also found something else - I found the man above, oh yeah, and you know what he said to me? He said D-Von, I've got a vision for ya, I've got a mission for you to do! He said D-Von, stop concerning yourself with yourself, concern yourself with the sinners out there, because they need the saving! But there's only one problem - oh, there's one problem, you see, in order for me to get that vision across, I need one special thing!" "Uh...what would that one special thing be, D-Von?" "I need a benefactor. You see, Malachi, the third chapter, the eighth verse, says it plan: bring ALL the tithes into the storehouse, so there may be meat in my house, and I will pour you out a blessing. Oh yeah, my brother, I will pour you out a blessing, 'cause you see, that twenty dollars becomes forty, and then that forty dollars becomes eighty, and then that eighty becomes, well, you get the picture--" "Hallelujah!" "Oh testify! So I need a benefactor - I need somebody to provide my way for those sinners, oh I need somebody to help me testify!" "D-Von..." "Yeah?" "As you know, uh, I'm a very rich man. A very powerful man. And it would be my honour for you to help the sinners of this world. Because as you know, I am a very righteous man myself. So therefore, you have a deal." "My brother, testify." They exchange yuks while we go to

Meanwhile, we head outside for the cameo list: Page, Christian, Morrus, Chavo, Storm, Hardcore, Funaki - the bet is that Mark Henry holds back a limousine for thirty seconds. Presumably, if Henry LOSES the bet - well, he gets squashed, but let's not think about that. Test, claiming Henry looks more ready for an eating contest than a strongman contest, volunteers to be behind the wheel; Faarooq holds the stopwatch. Henry braces himself against a wall and, so the story goes, uses his legs to hold back the limo - we DO see the back wheels spinning. They appear to go the whole thirty seconds, after which Test floors the limousine to everyone's horror - Henry still manages to hold it at bay until Test lets up. "The accelerator stuck!" Henry tries to lunge at him but collapses. Test throws the money at him and walks off. Cole (paraphrased): "Golly, I guess he IS the World's Strongest Man!"

Number of times someone suggests we don't try this at home: zero

WWF Forceable Entry CD ad

Booker T shills pudding - again

Scorpion King soundtrack album ad

Dammit, "Van Wilder" has already opened - WHY am I still seeing ads for it?

BANDANA BOY CHUCK (San Diego, California - 276 pounds - with Bandana Boy Billy & Rico) v. AL SNOW (Lima, Ohio - 248 pounds - with Maven - and Tough Enough 2 is next)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Chuck gets the jump on Snow before "What Does Everybody Want?" can even be cut. Kick, right, right, right, right. Kick, right, into the ropes, Snow ducks, crossbody by Snow, right, right, monkey face, right. Kick. Kick, kick, right, into the opposite corner sternum first, Snow adds a clothesline. Rico on the apron - but jumping down in time to evade a clothesline from Snow. Chuck with a clothesline on the distracted Snow. Into the ropes, wow - double arm belly-to-belly overhead suplex by Chuck! (Cole: "puttin' on a clinic") - into the ropes - a SECOND dabbo by Chuck! Chuck hooks the leg - but only gets 2. Into the ropes, caught a third time - but THIS time, Snow reverses the arm lace and starts headbutting Chuck's chest - into the ropes, Snow with a clothesline. Another clothesline. Into the ropes, big back body drop. Snow's calling for the Plow - Rico's on the apron, Billy's got the ankles - Chuck falls on him - 1, 2, no! Snow shot into the ropes, reversed, half rydeenbomb/half spinebuster by Snow - 1, 2, Rico hits the ring to distract Hebner even as Chuck kicks out - miscommunication? Anyway, Rico is back out and here comes Maven on him - the chase is on - Rico does a somersault over the barricade, landing on his back (owch) in the process - Maven does a gazelle shot over the barricade and ends up sailing completely over Rico - meanwhile, Hebner follows all THIS, so Billy comes in and clocks Snow. Chuck calls Hebner back in - cover - 1, 2, kickout! Chuck with a knee in the back, right, JUNGLE KICK, leg is hooked - 1, 2, Snow kicked out! But - but that was his move!! Snow sent into the corner - Chuck scoops him up - but Snow prevents Snake Eyes by going down the back, and shoves Chuck into the corner - gutshot as he comes out - scooped up - Snow Plow! 1, 2, 3! Billy manages to stay out of the ring thanks to intervention from Maven (and possibly an edit) - Snow takes the fall. (3:28)

Backlash ad - H cubed, squared

Jakks Pacific ad #2

Heeeey! "Body Slam" this weekend! GO DIRK BENEDICT GO

"Behind the Scenes: Scorpion King" - sand in the crack of your ass HIYO - it opens a week from tomorrow!

Hey! It's.....some kinda sculpture! I think

To the locker room! "Triple H, ya got a minute?" H calls off the trainer so they can have a moment alone (with the cameraman). "I'm sure you know by now that Jericho and Angle have formed a little pact - well I just want you to know, if you want me to, if Jericho interferes in your match tonight I'll be right on him. I've got your back tonight." "Let me let you in on something that I'm not quite sure at this point you understand. In ten days, at Backlash, you and I are gonna fight. This is not gonna be some clash of the egos like you and Rock had at WrestleMania, all due respect - this one is gonna be a fight. It's gonna be a fight for everything that I have...and everything that I am. It's gonna be a fight. So over the next ten days until Backlash, the next time you barge into my locker room, I am gonna take that as an act of aggression - and I'm gonna respond accordingly. Now, as far as your offer goes, thanks...but uh...no thanks. I'll fight my battles on my own. I'll take care of my own business. That's what (picks up belt) got me to this....and that's what's gonna help me keep this. And oh yeah, I know you know better than anybody what this belt means - this means that in this dog eat dog world, I am the top dog. This means that I'm the best - this means that I am the man, that I am the king of kings. This belt, right here, means that I am The Game, and that I am that - damn - good. Now, that bein' said, I say you and I just stick to the philosophy of you're on your own, and I'm on my own - every man for himself. And when we get to Backlash...no remorse, no regrets, no apologies." Hogan nods. "But don't forget my friend, I've played the game longer than anybody. And it's not us or we, that's why I always ask 'whatcha gonna do?'" Off he goes - leaving H to make faces at his belt.

Kurt Angle is WALKING!

Tough Enough 2 ad - again

Lita shills Stacker 2 - again - yeah, all them chicks love the NASCAR

Scorpion King ad - again

Creed's "Young Grow Old" is not only the official Backlash theme song, it's available on the Forceable Entry CD!

KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. TRIPLE H (Undisputed Champion - Greenwich, Connecticut - 272 pounds) in a nontitle bout
referee: TIM WHITE
Okay, now as you watch this match, keep in mind: this is about PRIDE. Kurt Angle has something to PROVE. At least, between Angle, Cole, Tazz they really hammering that point home - which is just great...if they actually follow through *and* actually TELL THAT STORY. Here we go. They lock up, H uses his power to grab the side headlock - Angle uses his leverage to counter to a top wristlock - H down to a knee, but using his power to get back to his feet...and turning Angle's hold back into his own side headlock. Angle decides to attack the ribs with forearms and H lets up enough for Angle to shove him into the ropes - but he comes right back off with a shoulder tackle that knocks Angle off his feet! Angle rolls to the ropes before coming up, clutching his back. We'll start all over. Collar and elbow tieup, H to the side headlock - Angle to the ribs, shoving H off the ropes, ANOTHER shoulderblock. H runs the ropes - up and over - Angle tries the leapfrog but H hooked the ropes to stand fast - Angle runs in and eats a right hand! Angle cowers to the corner and has a beef with the referee about the closed fist. Third time's a charm: they lock up, *Angle* grabs the side headlock, REALLY grinds it in - H manages to use a forearm in the face to shove both of them to the ropes - Angle sent into the ropes, but Angle comes back with a shoulderblock - "wooo!" - Angle off the ropes, up and over, hooking the ropes on *H's* leapfrog attempt...but Angle doesn't wait for H, running in - and *again* running into H's right hand! Angle comes up PISSED - DOWN COME THE STRAPS! - and runs in, ducking a clothesline, but H manages a kick in the gut, going for the Pedigree this early, nope, backdrop by Angle - H tries to complete a sunset flip out of it, can't get there, so he pulls on Angle's tights - pulling OFF Angle's tights and completing the sunset flip - 1, 2, no! Angle's clad only in a jock - H clotheslines him down, another right hand puts him down, clotheslined over the top and to the floor - DAMN that Kurt Angle's got a sweet ass - oh, umm - so H rams Angle's head into the STEEL steps, walks him to the commentary table for a head into the table - then adds a open-handed slap to the exposed cheek! H yuks it up with White, who isn't quite as pleased about the unfolding series of events. Angle manages to reverse the Irish whip into the *other* set of STEEL steps, and finally turns it back around. Everybody back in the ring - Angle finally notices his bepantsicled situation and pulls the tights back up - well NOW he's got something to prove, by God...I guess....anyway, he's MAD now, boy. Angle gets to stomping away after the field goal kick in the ribs - four big stomps. Big right hand. BIG German suplex - Angle holds the waistlock and gives H a second ride. Still got it - H is dead weight but Angle STILL connects with the third German suplex - hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Angle stomps away - stomp - daring H to pull himself up - then giving him another right hand to put him back down. That one hurt *Angle's* hand. Angle waits for H to pull himself up again - but this time, H blocks the right hand - right by H, right, right, Angle stops it with a rake of the face - H sent into the rope, Angle's head is down, H with a kick - H runs in but Angle catches him - and there's a belly-to-belly suplex! Angle hooks the leg - 1, 2, H *just* shoots the shoulder out. Angle has H against the ropes - chop - chop - into the ropes - Angle puts on the sleeperhold! H is flailing but failing - and fast. The ropes are so near, but so far. The crowd's chant of "Triple H" isn't helping much. My play by play on this match is about a hundred times better than Cole and Tazz' tonight, all due respect. H is down to his knees as the crowd switches to "Angle sucks." Somehow H digs deep down, turns in, and backdrops Angle! I think Angle was suppoed to land on his feet, but he's fatigued - still, he pops up...only to take a gutshot from Triple H - and a DDT! Both men are down and White puts on the mandatory ten count. He's up to six as both men try to roll - now at eight and both men are up - H swings first but Angle blocks it - Angle with a right of his own - right - right - into the ropes is reversed, Angle ducks the clothesline, but can't avoid the high knee! H ducks another swing and hits his neckbreaker! Angle slumped in the corner - H right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, but H pops out with a clothesline - and adds a blatant choke for effect, only letting up when White starts the count to disqualify him. Angle shot into the corner, but Angle gets up the elbow as H comes in. Angle runs to H - caught in an Arn Anderson-esque spinebuster! 1, 2, CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO pulls White out of the ring - awww CRAP. Jericho in - H steps aside and runs him over the top rope of out of the ring. H back to Angle - gutshot - Pedigree NO Jericho is back in with his version of the bulldog - and a Lionsault on H. Crowd chants for Hogan as Angle hooks the leg - White is slow to get back in and so is his count - 1, 2, somehow H kicks out! So Jericho comes back in and waylays White with an elbow in the back. Jericho stomps away on H - now unleashing the right hand as Angle joins in the stomping. Angle punching away - the doubleteam continues but now YOU KNOW WHO is out - Angle and Jericho get the jump on him but Hogan starts doing the jackhammer - and he feels no pain when he's hulking up! Double noggin knocker! Right hand for Angle, right for Jericho, Angle put into the ropes, big boot, clothesline out of the ring for Jericho, Hogan goes o ut after him and puts Jericho into the barricade, right hand, right, right - meanwhile, H ducks a charging Angle, gutshot, Pedigree, leg is hooked, White is up, 1, 2, 3! (9:15) Hogan and Jericho are almost all the way up the ramp - and H looks confused as to what exactly has just happened. Well, he's got the mic now. "Hogan! Maybe you didn't hear me the first time I told you." Jericho's backstage - so Hogan's back down the ramp. "Hogan" chant. Hogan in the ring. "Maybe you didn't understand me the first time - I respect you...but with all due respect, until Backlash, stay out of my business." H keeps the mic close for Hogan. "Well you'd better understand me now, Triple H - until Backlash, you ARE my ONLY business, brother!" Hogan turns his back to leave...and Angle forearms H into Hogan! H turns back towards Angle...as Hogan comes up fuming. He's jackhammering - right for H, right, right, into the ropes, big boot, legdrop! Hogan picks up the Undisputed championship title belt....but before he can hit a pose, Jericho is BACK out with a forearm in the back! Jericho stomps over Hogan while Angle grabs the belt - Hogan tries to fight back, but Angle puts the belt in the back of Hogan's head. "Angle sucks!" chant. Jericho grabs the belt and looks at it wistfully...then *clocks* Hogan with it! Jericho relieves Hogan of his shirt while Angle grabs the belt and stops an oncoming H with a crack in the skull. Play Angle's music! Angle poses to the crowd while Jericho puts a boot on Hogan's chest and strikes the pose. Credits are up, and with one more shot of Jericho fixated on the belt...we're out.

Say, did they tell that story?

CRZ
[slash] wrestling