UPN - Out of date!

TV-PG-DLV Straight to the Opening Credits - Beautiful! (people)

GIANT FIST MEANS PYRO coming to you from the Civic Center in Peoria, IL (slogan: "We Really Do Exist") 25.4.2 (taped 23.4) and SAP transmitido en espanol on the United Paramount Network (and an hour earlier on the Score), THIS is WWF SMACKDOWN!

Let's continue to waste no time and bring out the whiff of voodoo chili and the person of YOU KNOW WHO. Well, he stand up next to a mountain - and he chop it down with the edge of his hand. Well, he stand up next to a mountain - he chop it down with the edge of his hand. Well, he pick up all the pieces and make an island, might even raise just a little sand. 'Cause he's a voodoo chile, Lord knows he's a voodoo chile. BABY. Did Cole REALLY just say "Hulkamania never went out of style?" I guess we cut the One World Leader so we could have just ten seconds more of Hogan adulation - and Hogan shaking his head. I'm shaking MY head right now, actually. THIS JUST IN: Hogan's big in the sticks Nice "HOGAN FEARS HOROWITZ" sign, though. The problem *I* have is I never see anybody's LIPS moving along with the "Hogan" chant that inevitably ends up in my soundtrack. "I cannot begin to describe what it feels like to stand out here in front of all you Hulkamaniacs! As your Undisputed Champion." Oh, that was probably the same sentence with a giant pause. "But like I said last Monday night, if it wasn't for the Undertaker's involvement in Backlash, maybe I wouldn't be the champion right now....but in my heart, maniacs, I know I still would be, brothers." OHHHH BOY "But there's only one way to know for sure. And that's, right here tonight, with all my Hulkamaniacs behind me...give Triple H that rematch that I promised him. RIGHT HERE IN PEORIA, ILLINOIS, BROTHER! You know, all you maniacs out there know I've been in this business for a long damn time. I've been in the ring with the very best, and I've been in the ring with the very nastiest, but as far as Triple H goes, he's taken this game to a whole new level. He's the very best that I've ever, ever stepped in this ring with--" Whoops, this show's gone long enough without an interruption, and this is TRIPLE H. Hogan wants him to bring it - H would rather stand on the apron and do the whale's blowhole bit first. At least he DOES look back...once...before doing it. I probably could have riffed on the other verse of "Voodoo Chile" while sitting through THIS entrance but why waste my fingers this early in the show? I gotta be ready for what H's gotta say! "You have a question in your mind as to whether you would still be World Wrestling Federation champion if it wasn't for the Undertaker at Backlash? There is no question in my mind. But be that as it may, Hogan, you earned my respect at Backlash - that's why when it was all said and done, I stuck my hand out and shook your hand like a man. And just the mere fact that tonight you would be willing to defend that championship against the best in this business, you earned my respect again. But understand this: [pause for "Hogan" chant] That's right - that's right. They love you. But understand this: *I* LOVE THAT. That championship right there - that is what I respect - that is what I love - it is my religion - it is my law. And the question is, at Backlash, when it was all over, I stuck my hand out and shook your hand, like a man. The question is, tonight, Hogan, when it is over - when I have taken back MY World Wrestling Federation championship...when I have taken back what is mine, will YOU, Hulk Hogan - will YOU be man enough to shake MY hand?" They have a bit of non-mic conversation until - c'mon, you know it's coming - "No Chance in Hell" plays and BILLIONAIRE VINCE struts out. "Oh - I'm beggin' ya to come down the ramp!" "You know, last I checked...last I knew, neither one of you two are co-owners of the World Wrestling Federation. Last I checked - me (Vince McMahon), I'm in charge of SmackDown! and I make the matches around here. So everybody knows - SHADDUP! Everybody knows that I make the matches and I make the best matches for WWF fans. I listen to them, so tonight I ask all of you - is that the match you wanna see, do you wanna see....do you wanna see Triple H versus Hogan for the WWF title? Do you REALLY wanna see it? Well then, by God, tonight...tonight...I can't do it. No no, I can't give you that match, but - but I'll tell you why I can't." Sweeps? "Because all of you know here in this arena, they know all over America, they know all over the world...we gotta start cleaning things up around here. Yes we do, we gotta clean things up - we have to get rid of the criminal element. And that's why Triple H will not get his rematch tonight. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - Triple H, you know damn well you were arrested last Monday night on RAW, pal. You were arrested for viciously assaulting the Undertaker. You don't deserve a rematch. And I'll tell you Triple H, I'll tell you another reason you don't deserve a rematch, because you didn't give Chris Jericho a one-on-one rematch after WrestleMania. That's another reason - but Hogan, HEY! You're so anxious to defend the WWF Championship, BROTHER, then you'll do it. But you'll defend the WWF title not tonight...it'll be one week from tonight, Hogan. And I'll tell you who you're gonna face, Mr. Red & Yellow. You fill face the winner of tonight's matchup pitting Triple H against his opponent - wrestling's living legend, Y2J Chris Jericho. So I ask the two of you in the ring tonight, I ask you - wha'cha gonna do, BROTHERS? Wha'cha gonna do, when Mr. McMahon's authority runs wild - on - YOU." McMahon flexes for us - and the crowd. Play his music!

New Lita drivin' the car Stacker 2 shill ad thing

And now, the WWF Overdrive of the Night, brought to you through the kind sponsorship of Greyhound! From Backlash last Sunday, Tajiri used the red mist to regain the cruiserweight championship

In the dressing room, Rico takes Chuck to task for his massage technique. He's not giving Billy his proper glow! The demonstration is interrupted when Tajiri and Torrie enter. "Heyyyy Tajiri!" Torrie: "Hi, guys!" "(grumbling) Oh, hi, Torrie." Billy affects a stereotypical Asian accent and bows repeatedly: "Ah kongwatuwations, Tajiri-san, for winning back kwuzahwait title fwom Biwwy Kidman at backwash. I mean, come on, the kid's talented...but someone with that fashion sense - whew - there's no way he should be champion!" "Yeah, and tonight against Kidman, Maven and Snow, now that you got the title - we can go out there with our own gold ensemble." "Absolutely fabulous idea, Chuck! Very chic! But unfortunately for you, honey, that whole geisha girl look - it's not workin' for ya. I mean, the outfit is fine - maybe it's just the person wearing it." He goes to lift her skirt (hmm, didn't think he went for that) - she pulls back and goes to slap him, but Tajiri blocks it and starts talking Japanese. "Don't get hot! Hey, all I meant is you have just a little too much fabric down there. I mean, you need, ah, something...right there. I mean, your forehead is MUCH too high. Maybe you need to try THIS." And he produces a headband. Tajiri swipes it - and puts it on himself. Great approval from the Fabulous 3. Tajiri says "don't I look sweet - gimme a kiss" or something in Japanese. Torrie kisses him but doesn't seem all that happy about it. Tajiri grabs her arm as everybody walks off..

MAVEN & AL SNOW (468 pounds) and BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown, Pennsylvania - 215 pounds - with Pittsburge SmackDown! hype and tix info) v. TAJIRI (Japan - 206 pounds - with Torrie Wilson) and BILLY & CHUCK (534 pounds - with Rico)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Six man action - I THINK they're all men, anyway. Kidman starts with Chuck. Kidman ducks, kick, headlock - CHuck tries to lift him but Kidman holds on - Chuck powers out, and puts him in the corner - Kidman sneaks out, armdrag, dropkick, splash in the corner...is caught, and Chuck tosses him off - I mean, throws him back to the centre with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Chuck covers - leg is hooked - 2. Rico: "SHOOSH!" Kidman put in the corner, he goes up and over and ends up with the legs on the shoulders, so there's a flying headscissors takeover - Chuck in the wrong corner, Snow with a free shot, Kidman right, tag to Maven. Maven with a clothesline, clothesline, into the ropes, flying heel kick - Billy in - hiptoss for HIM - Chuck into the ropes, reversal, Maven up and over Chuck, but right into Billy with a clothesline. Billy stomps, stomp, stomp, in the unfriendly corner for a doubleteam. Hebner FINALLY gets Billy outside. Right by Chuck, arm wringer, tag for Billy for the open kick. "He's crap! He's nothing--" Billy spent too much time talking - Maven pops back with a right, right, right, off the ropes - gutshot by Billy - off the ropes and there's the Fame-Ass'er - Snow breaks it up at 2! Billy tags Tajiri. Tajiri winds up for the KICK but ends up looking outside for Torrie - again, Rico is lifting the kimono and THIS time, Torrie connects with the hand to the face. Tajiri outside to yell at...Torrie? Everybody huddles on the outside and Maven takes advantage of all the distraction to crawl over and tag Kidman - Kidman in and Billy's back in - Kidman ducks the clothesline, nice Frankensteiner (well, his part was - Billy totally flubbed the roll), nice dropkick, right, into the ropes is reversed, head down, Kidman with a swinging DDT. Chuck halts Kidman's momentum with a surprise Jungle Kick. Snow on Chuck - right, right, right, into the ropes, back body drop, in the corner, right, right, right, climbs up for four more punches - meanwhile, Tajiri is in and there's a brain kick for Kidman, taking him outside. Maven in - dropkick on Tajiri! Maven turns to Billy, landing "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right - Snow and Maven have the champs in opposite corners, and here comes the double whip for the collision - Snow has an idea...and each man sets to depantsing one of the champs! SQUEEEEEAL thongs are everywhere! Billy (black) runs backstage because now he's EMBARRASSED about Mr. Ass being shown...I guess. Chuck (red) follows. Snow and Maven chase after, swinging their stolen trunks wildly...then turn back to see Rico alone on the ramp. He begs off until Torrie comes up from behind - and SHE pulls down HIS pants! There's another thong (red) and man there's asses EVERYWHERE - none of them as nice as Kurt Angle's, may I add. Rico starts to do the "pants round my ankles" jump up the ramp...Snow and Maven add a two cheek slap on his way. Back to the ring - Tajiri with a dropkick on Tajiri - OH NO YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN and the commentators act like they've never seen this counter before. Tajiri positioned - Kidman up - SHOOTING STAR PRESS - 1, 2, 3! (4:17) Snow and Maven proudly display their skins - then try 'em on. The victors act effeminate. THIS MATCH IS MAKING ME SO GAY QUICK GET OUTTA HERE

So we cut to Kurt Angle. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I'm gonna go find some porn, I'll be right back. Whew, I feel better - now let's find out what Angle's fetching smile is all about. Security guy: "Yes, can I help you?" "(laughs) No, but I think I can help you. You seem to be a rather large individual. Actually, heh heh, you're out of shape. You must be a local." "Yes, I am." "Well tonight's your lucky night. 'cause tonight, I'm about to unveil the brand new Kurt Angle T-shirt. And on the back, it's going to list all of my accomplishments. Everything I've ever achieved will be on the back of this shirt. And on the front, it's gonna say 'Olympic Hero / It's true it's True / I'VE got gold... / How about you?' Pretty clever, huh? That's why I'm making the BIG bucks. Now here's the catch. Because of all of my accomplishments, we couldn't fit them on a small, medium or large T-shirt, so the smallest that this T-shirt comes in is Double X L. (You could actually go for Triple X yourself.) But I'll tell you what. I'm in a great mood tonight; after I invent my T-shirt, I'm gonna come back here, and I'm gonna get you a brand new Kurt Angle T-shirt...at half price. How about that? What do you think about that, Big Boy, huh? See you soon." Every time the crowd says "What?" think to yourself that that guy ain't appearing on this show...then guess that whole attempt to replace it with "you suck" has apparently (wisely) been forgotten.

Here's a look at lovely scenic Peoria. Ahahahaha just kidding - it ain't all that scenic...and "lovely" is on the ropes

We pan up Stacy - and down to Vince getting a temple massage. "Harder, deeper, faster," that's it, I'm outta here. There's a knock at the door - it's Randy Orton! "He's gettin' a tryout match tonight. His old man was a hell of a wrestler, Cowboy Bob Orton, had that cowboy hat, he kinda talked funny, he had a cast on his, I believe it was his left arm, for years, that was a nagging injury." "That's right." "His GRANDFATHER was a hell of a wrestler, and tonight - you've got your, your opportunity, good luck, kid. I've got something I gotta do, I'll be right back. Okay? Excuse me just a moment. Introduce yourselves, would ya?" "Hi, Randy Orton." "You most certainly are Randy Orton. Look at the size of those hands! Let me see the other one. My, those are some BIG HANDS - and you know what they say about guys with big hands. You know, since you're having your tryout tonight, why don't I, um, critique your body. Why don't you take that sweatshirt off?" "Take my sweatshirt off." "Yeah." "If you say so." "Yum-my. I'm sure you know a lot about holds and everything, you know, but do you know this one? You take your hand, and you put it right here on my hip, and then, you know, like you..." Of course, Vince is back at this point. "Vince, thank God you're here! As soon as you left, he started stripping... and taking his big, beefy hands and put 'em all over me!" "Mr. McMahon, I did not do such a thing--" "Yes, you did!" "Who the hell - this is gratitude? I give you a tryout match, this is gratitude? Huh? You know what? You're just like your old man. I tell you what you do, your tryout match tonight - it's gonna be against...Hardcore Holly. Now get the hell outta here! Get the hell out! Are you all right?" Stacy affects a damsel in distress pose. Wow, I hope Vince never watches the tape of this!

Christian's ready to cook up some guaranteed money for the assembled masses in the back. Faarooq and Mark Henry show up - Christian bets that Henry can't bend a frying pan. Faarooq expresses reservations, but Henry says he can do it. "Better put your belt on, man." Henry says he doesn't even need the belt. Then he rolls it up, no problem. Test says wait, he's got a steel rod. Henry says he'll do it, but it's double or nothing. Faarooq says they got the money, let's get outta here. Henry says no problem and puts on his belt. After he bends the rod, Christian decides he'd better just whack him in the back with the bent frying pan. Then we go to the break.

Once again we look at the USA Today story about the Rock's big movie opening

HARDCORE HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama - 234 pounds) v. RANDY ORTON (St. Louis, Missouri - 240 pounds)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
coming up, Mark Henry takes on Christian - ohhhh! Lockup, waistlock by Holly, reversal by Orton - and a takedown! Holly to a hammerlock, back to their feet, headlock by Holly - Orton powers out, shoulderblock by Holly - up and over, Orton with an armdrag. Into the ropes is reversed, Holly's hiptoss fails, Orton with a Jericho-like bulldog - 1, 2, no. Holly clotheslines Orton down. Holly stretches him out and lays in six or seven right hands. On the second rope - make it the top rope - that'll make it the best crotch kick in the business. Back to the quarter nelson - and four forearms to the back of the neck. Holly wraps him in the ropes - forearm across the chest - three of them. And there's four. Sparks and Holly have a discussion...just long enough for Holly to walk into a hot shot. Right by Orton, into the ropes is reversed, Orton ducks the clothesline and hits a Holly-esque dropkick for 2! Right, right, into the corner is reversed, but elbow up on Holly's charge. Orton climbs up...took too long - Holly right, right, up after him, right, right, Orton shoves him back to the centre - top rope - plancha! But Holly rolls it on the followthrough - leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO! Holly argues the count again - Orton ducks the clothesline, drop toehold, Oklahoma roll (!) - fingers are locked - 1, 2, 3! Orton wins! (2:45)

Angle has his shirt under wraps. "This is excellent. You're the photographer? Well ,listen, this T-shirt's gonna be huge, all right? Are you listening? Okay, this is gonna be the fashion statement of the year. Now it's up to you to make sure that this T-shirt gets on the cover of WWF Magazine - Newsweek (in the background, we see Edge grin mischeviously and sneak off) Time Magazine - okay, Sports Illustrated - National Georgaphic - you get the picture here? I mean, I want people in Zimbabwe to be wearin' this baby. Ya understand? All right, now I know you know those little tiny Japanese photographers that hang around with you (Edge's return trip is caught - the switch appears to have been made) I just want you to point them in the right direction. Understand? I know this T-shirt's a little big for them, but I want this baby to go worldwide. You got me? Are we on the same level here? All right, I will see you out in the ring; make sure this gets out there. See you soon."

WWF Divas Will Never Have Sex With You Magazine ad

Booker T shills Swanson Hungry Man dinners

Catch the WWF - LIVE! Saturday, Baltimore! Sunday, Syracuse! Monday, Erie! Tuesday, Pittsburgh! Wednesday, Wheeling! And a week from Saturday, Ft. Lauderdale!

Here's KURT ANGLE (with SAP - transmitido en espanol & TV-PG-DLV boxes) out to the (now red-carpeted) ring. Later, Angle teams with Albert against Edge & Rikishi! Later, Triple H vs. Chris Jericho! Now, Kurt Angle SPEAKS! Well, first, we wait out a "You suck WHAT" chant. "Ladies and gentlemen...now I know that most people aspire to be rich and famous...to AVOID stepping foot in rundown hick towns like this one. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa. But not me, oh no - because regardless of where they're from, I love ALL my fans! And even though this town (Peoria)...I mean, listen to that word, 'Peoria.' It sounds more like a urinary infection than an actual town. BUT! I know that you people are as excited as HECK to have a real-life, honest to goodness Olympic Champion in your presence. Now looking around, I can't help but notice how morbidly obese many of you are. But but, listen, listen - congratulations, because for once, that's to your advantage. I'll tell you why, because tonight, I'm about to unveil the new Kurt Angle T-shirt - a T-shirt that I designed myself, available only in XXL or larger. Now I know that you people are asking 'why XXL?' Well you need all the space you can to print out 'European champion, intercontinental champion, King of the Ring, two-time WWF champion, Olympic Champion, World Champion, six-time National Champion, national hall-of-famer...' just to name a few. The list goes on and on and on, people - and you will see that with my brand new T-shirt. And I know you people are asking yourselves - you're asking, you're saying 'Kurt, I'm grossly out of shape, my skin is horrible, and I'm pathetic - so wouldn't wearing your shirt actually be like living a lie?' Well the answer to that question...is yes it would! But you know what, I'm saying that it's okay. Because once you wear my T-shirt...you will feel something that you've never felt before: you people will feel like WINNERS. So without any further ado--" KING EDGE interrupts *just* in time. Commentators apparently never saw Edge in the previous bit, bringing to mind some of Tony Schiavone's finest Nitro moments. "What the hell are you doin' out here? What, are you out here to make some kinda wisecrack, huh? EDGE! Hold on a second. I'm not done talkin'. I beat you straight up, 1, 2, 3 at Backlash, so you have NOTHING on me! So why the hell are you out here right now?" "Kurt, despite all of our differences...you and I had one hell of a match at Backlash. Now, uh, you have a new T-shirt out, and I wanted to come out here and say - I wanted to say congratulations, Kurt. I wanted to say congratulations, and I couldn't be happier for you, I mean you got a brand new T-shirt, and - I mean, let's see it, I wanta see the T-shirt." "...you're serious." "After the match you and I had, I am dead serious." "It *was* a good match. You know something, Edge, I knew you'd come around, I knew you would." Hand of friendship - Edge shakes the hand!! "So you people want to see my brand new T-shirt? Excellent - photographers, gather round, let's go - I want to get a good shot of this. People, I want you to see the brand new look of Kurt Angle. So without any further ado...here, now, is the brand new Kurt Angle T-shirt. Drum roll, please!" Angle removes the cover to reveal an easel with a giant "YOU SUCK" T-shirt attached. "Is that not me or what? Does that not fit me or what? Hey, listen, if you people have any fat kids, it makes a great gift idea..." Kurt FINALLY gets a look at it. "Whoa whoa, this is not my T-shirt, stop taking pictures. Get outta here, get outta here, stop, stop it! Get your cameras out. Who the hell did this?" "Kurt, that shirt definitely *is* you. Hey, can we please, can we please play the music that inspired this fashion masterpiece? Thank you very much." Angle beats up the shirt.

Let Us Take You Back to RAW for a Special Video Look at Undertaker and Triple H - this clip airs in Seizurama, except for the parts in Wavyvision

TONIGHT: Triple H vs. Chris Jericho!

And now, the WWF Smack of the Night, brought to you by Clearasil! From last week's SmackDown!, Mark Henry...smacks...a car off the ground...I guess.

MARK HENRY (Silsbee, Texas - 380 pounds - with Earlier Tonight) v. CHRISTIAN (Tampa, Florida - 224 pounds)
referee: TEDDY LONG
Christian tries to outquick him, ducking the clothesline, right, right, right, whip ain't happening and Henry pulls him out over the top. Christian's hand on the apron, so Henry steps on it (ha!) Henry out - Christian's head meets the apron. Let's take a replay of Henry's whip. Henry with a scoop - and there's a press just enough over the top rope to keep Christian hanging up there. Henry beats Long's "5" and gives Christian a forearm in the back to pull him off the top rope. Shoulderblock - into the ropes, Christian ducks, Henry barrels over him, headbutt, 1, 2, Christian kicks out! OHH ZE CLAW by Henry - Christian manages to shove Long behind them, then kicks Henry in the nuts while he can't get caught. This successfully breaks the hold. Christian tries to maintain his advantage - kick, kick, NICE dropkick - going for the Unprettier - nah, that ain't happening. Henry spins Christian around and applies the bearhug - rams him into the turnbuckles - and back to the centre, still locking it in. Christian makes as ragdoll - hmm, Henry is Brock, Christian is a Hardy....yep, sure enough Long calls for the bell. (ref stop 1:54) Why NOT use the same storyline on both shows? Who'll notice - after all, they're different races! I apologise for never calling him "The World's Strongest Man Mark Henry" until this sentence.

Backstage, MARC LLLLOYD stands with Chris Jericho. "First of all, I think it's a testament to the owner of SmackDown!, the supremely intelligent and fair-minded Mr. Vince McMahon, for proving once again that this IS the land of opportunity; I mean after all, where else but on SmackDown! do two warriors get a chance to go toe-to-toe (shadow boxes) for the chance to face Hollywood Hulk Has-bean for the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship, huh? Where else? You know what's even better than that? Tonight, after I beat Triple H, and next Thursday after I beat Hulk Hogan, I get to face The Undertaker at Judgment Day for the Undisputed Championship. But don't think I'm overlooking Triple H - AU CONTRAIRE, I'm lookin' FORWARD to facing Triple H. Here's a guy that after WrestleMania gave what was rightfully mine, my championship title rematch, to Hollywood Hulk Has-bean? I mean, who is Triple H? Here's a guy that held the championship for what, four short weeks? It was embarrassing. A larger than life, living legend like Chris Jericho held the championship for FOUR GLORIOUS MONTHS, JUNIOR. Triple H - he took advantage of a questionable situation at WrestleMania - after all, I did have a very high fever that evening, if you recall - he took advantage of me and got a questionable victory, and then he doesn't even give me a rematch until tonight - four days after he already lost the Undisputed Championship? Who does Triple H think he is, huh? HUH? I'll tell you who he is - he's a former champion, he's a soon to be EX-husband...and most importantly of all, he's Chris Jericho's stepping stone to regaining the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation championship. So tonight, I take Triple H out of competition; next week, I beat Hollywood Hulk Has-been and regain what is rightfully mine. Why? Because I am a larger than life living legend, and tonight I beat the hell out of Triple H and destroy his championship dreams for good, right here on SmackDown!

The Scorpion King ad

Behind the Scenes at the Scorpion King: Rock and Michael Clarke Duncan are pals

RIKISHI (Isle of Samoa - 350 pounds - with Rock on Letterman hype) and EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD cover - and SmackDown! is brought to you by Blockbuster Video, Taco Bell and Clearasil) v. ALBERT (Boston, Massachusetts - 350 pounds - with Judgment Day tix onsale announcement - meet The Undertaker!) and KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pound)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
Pier Four Brawl to start - 'kishi and Albert end up outside - Angle right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Edge with a clothesline, clothesline, ducks Angle's and hits the Viscera. Kick, open-handed slap, into the ropes, reversed by Angle - caught in a belly-to-belly. Tag to Albert, held for the kick. Head to the buckle, right, right, right, right, kick, stomp, stomp, double underhook - and all the way over with the suplex! 1, 2, Edge gets out. Scooped up - pressed overhead - Edge back to his feet and shoving Albert into Angle, who falls off the apron - Edge with the SPEAR - 1, 2, Angle *just* sails in to break it up in time. Angle pops Rikishi, then tries for the Olympic Slam - Edge lands on his feet and gives Angle his half nelson faceplant. Three men down, one man chomping at the bit on the apron - and it looks like Edge will be able to tag him. Here he comes - clothesline for Albert, for Angle, for Albert, for Angle, Albert runs into a HUGE powerslam - right for Angle, into the opposite corner, where he lands on Albert - and he backs it up on the pile. Angle staggers out into a big clothesline - Albert walks into a Samoan Drop (wow) - 'kishi makes the International Sign of the Earthquke - off one set of ropes, off the other, and SQUAAAAASH. 1, 2, Angle in with a clothesline *again* to make the save. Here comes Edge with a clothesline for Angle - and a clothesline that puts both he AND Albert outside! It's moving fast here - Rikishi tosses Angle over the top rope on HIS charge - Albert's back in - 'kishi with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, whip into the corner, fat ass splash, Albert duly flumps down and Rikishi looks at him. But he spends too much time advancing on him - Angle is back in - OLYMPIC SLAM!! Edge comes back in and gives Angle a spear, then kicks him back out - Albert's up from behind - wants that double choke on Edge, but Edge kicks out of it - Edge right, into the ropes - no, Albert ain't moving and instead Albert delivers the knee, then tosses Edge outside. Advancing on Rikishi but he's out of the corner and Albert hits sternum first - 'kishi with the RIKISHIKICK! 'kishi puts Albert in position for the Banzai - Angle on the apron to attempt to stop it - 'kishi shoves him back to the floor - seeya. But that was *just* enough time for Albert to come to - pump kick - BALDOBOMB - yikes - 1, 2, 3. (4:03) Edge is stomping on Angle on the outside but this match is over. Albert comes out and puts Edge back in the ring - stomp - knee - and holding him as Angle brings a chair into the ring. Oops, Edge got the boot up, then his trick knee acted up on Albert. Heels scatter as Edge brandishes the chair and makes a "it's not time for me to be a fun-loving guy" face.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom (I think) D-Von practices making faces in the mirror and puts a dollar in a hatbox - "Oh, it's time - oh it's time to kick this off the right way. Oh, it's time...for the collection fun. Testify..."

Booker T eats another pound of food - man, that'd make *me* sluggish

When we come back, D-VON is out collecting money in the crowd - we don't get to hear too much of what he says, though, as SOME PLANT - I MEAN, GUY grabs the hatbox and dashes away - D-Von gives chase and catches him after he trips on a barricade. D-Von with a right, right, kick, kick, right, right, and rammed into a table. D-Von decides to stop fidgeting with his jacket - kick - and just removes it instead. "Oh, my brother. Look at you now, huh? Look at you now." Right, right, right, kick, and so on. "You let this be a lesson learned - it's divine intervention - oh my brother - the good book says - thou shalt not steal." Wow that guy could have been Rodney's stunt double with that hairdo...

Meanwhile, Kurt Angle is WALKING! He finds the security guy we saw earlier, drinking out of a water fountain. "Hey you - go get my car - I wanna get out of this hick town as fast as possible - hey tubby, I'm talking to you. Hey!" Angle spins him around and discovers he's wearing the "YOU SUCK" T-shirt. "Where'd - where'd you get that - where'd you get that shirt? DAMN that Edge! Damn it! I'm gonna KILL him!"

Triple H is DROOLING! Watch him return - NEXT!

Tough Enough 2 ad - aka the "loving mother" show

CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227 pounds) v. TRIPLE H (Greenwich, Connecticut - 272 pounds) for a WWF Championship rematch
referee: TIM WHITE
Is it just me or are there twenty minutes left in this show? Hmmm...but Hogan's already had his promo time...well, hell, I dunno. Considering it's a WrestleMania rematch.... Amazingly, H gets to do his entrance TWICE tonight! No wonder they had to cut the One World Leader... bit from the show. Ha ha, watch Jericho act surprised as he almost runs into the cameraman out on the floor on his way back to the ring. HERE WE GO! Lockup - no, Jericho slides out of the ring instead - and smirks. That's pretty cool. Jericho takes his time getting back to the apron - and slowly through the ropes. Lockup - no, Jericho begs off again - H turns to White to complain and Jericho seizes the opening - gutshot, right, right, chop, chop, into the ropes, shoulderblock by H - H with a right that puts Jericho down. Right, right, right, into the ropes, head down, Jericho kicks. Jericho runs at him but H puts him over the top rope and out. Now H is out after him...and the chase is on. Jericho back in, running the ropes but eating a clothesline from H. Right by H, right, hard into the corner shoulder first. H with the arm wringer - yanking and cranking on the arm. Vince and Stacy watch the monitor from his office, thanks for showing us THAT. Shoulder first into the post. H back to the arm wringer - now holding the wristlock, but not for long - Jericho with a right hand, right, right, breaks the hold, into the ropes, head down and H gives him an armbar takedown. H keeps a hold of the left arm and goes outside - then wraps it around the post. Call it going out on a limb, but I *believe* H has picked the left shoulder to work on in this match. Jericho rolls out to take a powder as H rolls back in at White's count of 3 - H quickly rolls back out to meet Jericho. Jericho pops up with a gogue of the face, then rams H into the STEEL steps to turn it back around. H rolled into the ring - Jericho following. H manages a gutshot, gutshot back to his feet, right, into the ropes, but Jericho ducks...then hits the flying jalapeno on the rebound! Jericho in the mount - right, right, right, right, right. The bandage covering H's cut is off and he's bleeding already. Jericho smells blood and seizes on the cut - right by Jericho, right, right, "Triple H" chant, right, right, Irish whip into the opposite corner...and follows with a clothesline. Another unnecessary look at Vince and Stacy rooting on Jericho. Jericho with a right - no, it's blocked! H right, right, right, off the ropes...but into a sleeper from Jericho! H tries to turn in and grab the ropes - nothing doing, Jericho pulls him back to the centre. H to a knee. "I'm the champion!" Closeup and check out H's blood - hey, those shots are usually in black and white on this show! H is down and out - White grabs the arm - but it doesn't fall! H back to his feet, shaking off Jericho and putting HIM in the sleeper - or only trying to, as Jericho turns in and throws him off - their heads collide! Jericho falls to the mat, and H headbutts his groin on HIS way down. Hey, look at that hot chick in the crowd. As White starts the mandatory ten count, we look one more time at Vince and Stacy - Stacy's caught sight of something and points - Vince leaps to his feet at the sight of...The Undertaker. "What the hell are you doin' here?" White is up to six but we're taking - AN AD BREAK? HOLY SHIT

Lita shills Stacker 2 - hey, Lita, be careful...I hear that stuff cracks your vertebrae!

When we come back, both men are to their feet - Jericho tries a right but H blocks it, right, Jericho ducks the next one and hits the Breakdown - leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!! Jericho stays on him - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, outside, grabs the hair, elbow to the chest. Another elbow from the floor by Jericho. Jericho up the stairs and really hearing it from White. H fires back - right, right, Jericho right, H right, right, into the ropes, reversed, BIG flying heel kick by Jericho - 1, 2, kickout. Jericho with another stomp. Stomp. Nice dropkick. Jericho dares H to get up - right hand - whip into the opposite corner, running at him - H is out of the way and AGAIN Jericho's left shoulder comes into hard contact with the ringpost! Jericho tries to stay on him, but H ducks the clothesline and hits the neckbreaker. Right by H, into the ropes, Jericho ducks, but H catches him off the ropes with the Andersonbuster - 1, 2, Jericho kicks out! H rams Jericho's head into the buckle. Right hand by H, right, right - the punches are coming a little more slowly as both men are feeling the effects of this match. Jericho into the ropes - Jericho ducks under the high knee (!) and manages a sleeper takedown. 1, 2, H kicks out. Jericho going out and going up top...very slow to get there - H manages to bounces off the ropes and crotch Jericho on the top floor. Sitting duck - H over with a right - HE'S on the second rope - Jericho elbows H in the gut - elbow - elbow - and shoves him back into the ring! H walks back over and tries for the beal - AGAIN he's denied as Jericho goes for the cut with two rights - Jericho lands the missile dropkick! 1, 2, NO!! Jericho can't believe the ref, and wastes valuable time trying to prove his point - H sails in and DOES hit the high knee! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Jericho shoots out the shoulder at the last minute! H rams Jericho's head into the top buckle - cross corner whip is reversed. Jericho off the ropes - but H has the bulldog scouted and clotheslines him down - leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO! Jericho reverses the whip - but H catches the dropkick attempt - WOW catapult coming up - NO, Jericho lands on the second rope!! Jericho springs off - but H gives him the gutshot - Pedigree attempt NO Jericho slips it - backslide - head driving between the shoulderblades - 1, 2, NO!!! Jericho right, right, whip is reversed but Jericho finds the bulldog on the second try - Lionsault - MISSES!!! Both men up slooooow. H with the gutshot - AGAIN Jericho is down for the Pedigree - AGAIN, Jericho finds a counter - double leg takedown - GOT THE WALLS! H is screaming but not tapping. The ropes are just too far away. H pushes himself up by his forearms - crawls a few inches closer - a few inches closer - Jericho sits back in the Boston crab and H passes out. Arm falls once - arm falls twice - NOOOOOOO H with a pushup - and hooks the bottom rope. Jericho, thinking he's won, breaks the hold and raises his arms. White knocks them down, telling him what's gone on. Jericho gives White a bit of a pieface but finally decides to get back to...oh, no, he's going for a chair instead. Make it two chairs - lookit that timekeeper fly - the first chair is slid way across the ring, and White goes for it. While he puts it away, Jericho runs at H with the second chair - but H stops him with a gutshot, killing THAT good idea. H immediately follows up, grabbing the doubled over Jericho and hitting the DDT. H shoves the chair out of the way - leg is hooked - White in position - 1, 2, NO!! Both men up even more slowly - Jericho with a right - now H - Jericho - H - Jericho - H - H - H - Jericho whipped, reversed, H with the facebuster! Both men have punched each other out - H with the boot in the midsection - will he get the Pedigree THIS time? Well, we'll never now - H lets go, spying AWESOMETAKER up on the apron - H gives him a right, but Jericho grabs the tights and doesn't let go - 1, 2... 3!!!!!!!!! Jericho wins! Jericho wins! Jericho wins! (5:31 + 7:59) H is *livid*, knocking down Jericho and turning to Taker - block, right, right, right, right, Jericho from behind and H goes down. Taker quickly makes a one man swarm, unleashing a pummeling of soupbones and combinations. Jericho raises his arms to the sky and eggs on the crowd - Taker continues on H. Jericho cups his ear! H with the choke - and holds him up a few extra seconds before the CHOKESLAM! Jericho adds the Walls of Jericho. THIS time H taps (!) but nothing can be done. Taker brings a chair in and tells Jericho to let him go. Taker stands over him - H tries to pull himself up by Taker's outfit - Taker grabs his hair and pulls him up, but before anything can happen, YOU KNOW WHO is out - and moving so slowly they can only show us the extreme wideshot of his waddle down the aisle. Block, right, right, right, clothesline over the top and out. Hogan out after Taker - block, right, right and Taker goes over the barricade. Hogan follows - look out, you'll break a hip! Right, right, and they disappear to the back. We look back to the stage where Jericho is again cupping his ear. H makes a face, but that isn't his music playing...Tony Chimel announces the winner - and the man who will face Hogan next week - Chris Jericho.

CRZ
[slash] wrestling