UPN HYPE OF THE
TG-PG-DLV CONTROVERSY: Does Vince ever actually look at himself in these bizarre screen tints?
Closed captioned logo during the Opening Credits is beautiful, people - We hit all the high spots around here
WISPYRO! Coming to you from Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, NJ and SAP transmitido en espanol, this is WWE SMACKDOWN! on Free Slurpee Day 2002 (taped 9.7) and what a show we claim to have for you
TONIGHT: Undertaker & John Cena vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Jericho! Huh?
TONIGHT: The Rock Returns! Again! But first...
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: EDGE
(co-champion - Toronto, Ontario - 241
pounds) and HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN (co-champion - Hollywood, California -
285 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. BILLY & CHUCK
(challengers - 534 pounds - with Rico)
Undertaker is outside waiting for The Rock, who returns tonight! John Cena approaches him. "Excuse me, Undertaker. I know you're out here waitin' for The Rock--" "Have you ever met the Rock?" "No." "No. Lemme tell you something about The Rock. He's a huge punk. And when he gets here tonight, I'm gonna show The Rock exactly what I do to punks like him." "Well...I was just in Mr. McMahon's office, and I thanked him, I just wanted to tell you what an honour it's gonna be to have you as my partner tonight against Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho - I'm really looking forward to it, I just wanted to say thanks." "Well, you should be. Now why don't you go back to Mr. McMahon's office and ask him how much I give a damn whether you're my partner or whether I give a damn about this tag match tonight. Look here - you know what that says in there? It says I'm gon' kick The Rock's (beep). Now as for as you concerned, I suggest you leave before you get yours kicked." Cena walks off. "Kids."
"WrestleMania X8" for the GameCube ad
UPN - Turn it up, y'all
Yikes, it's Coachman doing the voiceover on this Live Events spot - what a difference an octave makes! Tomorrow, Lakeland - Saturday, Daytona Beach - Sunday, Bethlehem - and Monday is RAW in East Rutherford!
Take a look at a bunch of Atlantic City casinos! Also look at the RAW Magazine cover featuring Torrie Wilson!
EARLIER TODAY! Torrie Wilson was in a big photo shoot on the coast and it's really cold outside...but, oh no, Molly's interrupting? Asking where she should hold a beach ball, she asks "Why don't you try putting it in your mouth? Yeah, I heard you guys were gonna be down here today. Why are you shooting Torrie Wilson? If anybody should be shot down here, it should be me - after all, I *am* the WWE Women's Champion!" So they shoot her! No, they don't. "And I'm Champion because of my physical and mental skills - not because I can prance down some runway in my underwear." "Listen, I'm just doing what I'm told - I don't make the rules around here." "Molly, come on, what's your problem? We're just doing a photo shoot." "Oh Torrie, just because you won some golden thong award - a contest which I protested, might I add - just because you won some golden thong award doesn't make you special. You know, if you want to feel special - if you want to be a real champion, and win a real award, then maybe you'd like to wrestle me for the title tonight." "Okay - I'll do it. I'd love to do it. But you know what I would really love? I would really love for you to stick around for this photo shoot because you know what? I have a special pose for you. Watch this." And she unties the back of her bikini top, back to us, and strikes the pose. "Hey Holly, you don't wanna watch this last pose? All right...see ya later, Molly!"
Back to Taker, where Finlay, Lombardi and Larina...Larinau...L..Ace have assembled. Finlay and Taker are speaking. "Taker, I don't know what you're doing out here, you've got a match tonight - Mr. McMahon's on his way out here." "That's good, he can watch firsthand me whoopin' the Rock's (beep)." "I don't think it's a good idea that you're out here." "I don't think anybody asked you." "I think you should come with us right in the building." "I don't think so." "Listen, it's the wrong thing, you're doing the wrong thing--" "No, I'm doin' the right thing, I'm gon' beat..." spying the limousine approacing, "In fact, I'm gon' beat his ass right now." Taker sidesteps Finlay to meet the limousine. But it's not The Rock - it's Chris Jericho...and Kurt Angle. Angle: "Well if it isn't the man who's holdin' my championship." "It's got my name on it." "I have a question for you, Taker - when's the last time you tapped? Oh wait a minute - it was last week when I MADE you tap!" "No no no, I think you got it all wrong, Kurt. It was 1, 2, 3 the way I see it." "No no no, I made you tap!" "No, you got beat - 1, 2, 3." "First of all, the tap supersedes the pin, I made you tap before you got the pinfall - I'm the winner!" Jericho: "Yeah, don't you know the rules, Taker?" "Yeah, don't you know the rules?" "I know I'm the Undisputed Champion." Jericho: "Ffffff... Undisputed Champion - I think we should change your name from Undertaker to the Under...tapper." Angle and Jericho yuk it up. "Is that what you think - why don't you tap this?" And he pops him one. Taker goes for Angle but the officials separate them as a bunch of refs join the fray - and finally Vince himself. "What's the matter with you? Get the hell out of here. What the hel... Knock it off, Kurt! You'll get The Rock, all right - just get him inside the arena, all right? I don't know what else is gonna happen here. You've got The Rock, but get him inside the arena." "Damn right I got him!" Taker walks off...and Vince turns his attention to...well, we only see Chioda, but I assume all the refs and officials. "What's the matter with you guys? You let this happen out here? What are you thinking? What are you thinking?"
Stacker 2 Tough Enough ad
Neurotica ad - remind me to ask around for the sales figures on that later
Taker is WALKING! "Damn - DAMN!" He hits the locker room - Holly & Valbowski decide to light out while the littin's good. Thanks for showing up, guys! Cena is left alone. "You all right, man?" "Am I all right? Where WERE you?" "You told me if I stayed, I'd get my (beep) kicked!" "Don't tell me what I said. I'm out there, Angle and Jericho jump on me - hey, I need to know somethin'. Do you have my back or not?" "Yes!" "I don't need your help! But I need to know out there in the match - are you gonna my back or not?" "Yes." "Damn. You've been here two weeks - I've been here twelve years! You better get your head and (beep) wired on the same page, or you ain't gonna last long!" Cena makes the "ah, politics" face and steps out.
And now, the WWE Slam of the Week is brought to you by "Eight Legged Freaks!" From two weeks ago, Molly crashes "Divas Undressed" and piefaces Jonathan Coachman.
(challenger - with Confidential hype - AND SmackDown! is
brought to you by Maxim hair colour, Reebok's Above the Rim collection,
and Subway - eat Jared!) v. MOLLY HOLLY
The Rock has arrived (late!) He steals a bottle of water! He is WALKING!
"WrestleMania X8" ad #2
HEY! Isn't that Jeremy Renner drinking that Slurpee? He was in my class at high school! We're all so proud of him! It's weird, though - he was always in Budweiser ads...
REVEREND D-VON & BATISTA (510 pounds)
v. MARK HENRY & RANDY ORTON (593
pounds - with EARLIER TONIGHT!)
Backstage, Edge and Hogan and Rock eat up a full three minutes
The Extreme Blast of the Night is ROCKED by JVC's Tower of Power! From RAW on 25 March, Vince McMahon selects The Rock with the #1 pick in the draft.
And now, THE ROCK is out to the ring. "Finally, The Rock HAS COME BACK to Atlantic City! And finally, the jabrone-beatin', pie-eatin', heart-stoppin', elbow-droppin', psyched amped People's Champ is back, back on his show, back on the most electrifying show...television has ever seen - The Rock is back - on - SmackDown! ["Rock E!"] Now seeing as everybody is so hyped up tonight, The Rock is just equally as hyped, so The Rock'll tell you what - The Rock wanted to do something very special tonight. The Rock actually wanted to sing a song for Atlantic City. But it's been brought to The Rock's attention, that there's an even better singer out there tonight, better singer than The Rock - a cat who can do it all, he can sing, he can rap, he can dance - The Rock is talkin' about none other than BUSTA RHYMES!" Big pop for Busta. "Busta Rhymes, the Undisputed Champion of hip-hop...now Busta Rhymes, it's this, The Rock knows you've been busy, you've been puttin' it down, doin' your thing, the album drop Genesis, hot ass album, you got a new movie 'Halloween Ressurection comin' out TOMORROW...but hey, uh, Rock just wanted to ask you something, just between you and The Rock - hey, uh - uh - you don't get killed in this one, do ya?" "Hell no!" "I'm just makin' sure, I'm just makin' sure because you know Michael Myers, Freedy Kruger, Jason, man they always go after the brother first. You know that, they always go after the brother first. You know that, right? So you..not you." "Not in this case...I'm puttin' the smack down on that ass." Okay, I should have stopped as soon as he hit the ring - they brought back The Rock for...an ad? "The Rock, I'll tell you what, since you're right here in the People's Ring, we are surrounded by the People, how about you and The Rock sing a little song for Atlantic City? You people wanna hear Busta Rhymes and The Rock sing a song?" I'm **begging** for Taker to interrupt this. "Aight I'm a set it off like this, Rocky, I gotcha, aight, I see what you're saying. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, I'm'a do this song for Atlantic City tonight! I said I'M'A DO THIS SONG FOR ATLANTIC CITY TONIGHT! Oh, so y'all want a song. Well here it go. AC, listen up y'all, AC is one o' my favourite cities / I love to look at grown women with them big ass--" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA! You can't sing a song like that, not on SmackDown! Nah, you can't sing a song like that, the kinda song you wanna sing, that's on that porno called Smack Up, if you know what I'm talking about. That ain't on this show. All right, The Rock had something a little more personal in mind, since Atlantic City is famous for a lot of things including it's *Boardwalk* So, this is what the Rock had in mind, something like this. 'Under'--oh The Rock is gonna break it down, hold on one second there daddy! Something like this - 'Under the Boardwalk / We'll be looking up at the sky / Under the Boardwalk / We'll be eatin' some pie...' something like that. Looking up in the sky, eatin' a pie. Boardwalk. Like that." "Aight here we go. 'Under the Boardwalk / Rock and Busta at last / Under the Boardwalk / We gon' be whoopin' some ass!'" Together: "Under the Boardwalk - Boardwalk!" They shake hands for what I believe to be the millionth time this segment. "Hey you know what, in all seriousness man, I appreciate it, congratulations on all your success, Halloween Resurrection tomorrow night! Keep doing your thing, brother. Busta Rhymes!" Wow, what could *possibly* be next on The Rock Happy Family Smile Time Variety Hour? I CAN'T WAIT it's times like this I wish I'd read the spoilers. One more thing - call me crazy, but I can't see Paul Heyman's hand in this. "All right so NOW, now we get down to business." I'd LIKE to believe him. "And the business is real simply. Two Sundays, two Sundays from now at Vengeance it's gonna be The Rock...havin' his chance to take the WWE Undisputed Championship. So Undertaker you wanna run your mouth, you think you got a problem with the Brahma Bull - well you have no idea - AND THE ROCK MEANS NO IDEA what kinda problems you're gonna have after the Rock takes your title. So Undetaker, The Rock says this - The Rock ain't goin' NOWHERE. The Rock is here. You got a problem with The Rock, you got something to say to The Rock, well The Rock has one thing to say, very simple, echoes in eternity, Undertaker - JUST BRING IT." KURT ANGLE comes out instead. "Wow, Rock - I guess being away so long kinda messed up your sense of reality. But the reality is...The Undertaker isn't the one you're gonna have to worry about at Vengeance - it's me. Now, Rock, I know you've been successful - I don't know if you've been watching or not, but ah - I've been on quite a roll lately, myself. At King of the Ring, I made the Immortal Hulk Hogan tap! And last week on SmackDown!, I made The Undertaker tap even louder! And at Vengeance, Rock...it'll be my great pleasure to make your candy-ass tap as well. And if Puff Daddy over there wants a piece of me, I'll make him tap, too! Oh that's right, brotha, I'm down with it, I can talk that jive too!" Hahahahahahaha "So what do you think about that, Rock, huh?" Rock ponders...then studies him closely as if something's different about him. Crowd chants. "uhhh.....WHO in the blue HELL are YOU? Nononono, because you remind me of somebody, but I just can't place who you remind me of because - actually ...well you kinda *look* like this guy Kurt Angle the last time The Rock was here - it's kinda, I just, I can't picture it, you dress like Kurt Angle, you look a lot different - (station identification) let me see, did you change your cologne or something, you look - hold on." He smells him. "No no, you still wear the same old Calvin Klein Donkey Nuts, that smell. I don't know what it is - well, you got a big A on your chest right there, what does that 'A' mean? What's the 'A' stand for?" Crowd (or heat machine) chants "asshole." "Well, I guess it *might* stand for that, it might stand for that, A-(hole), anus, something like that. What's it stand for? What? What's it stand for?" "The 'A' stands for ANGLE! Kurt Angle! The next Undisputed--" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA! The Rock just figured it out! Exactly! Ah, I probably know what's different about you! (sings) Somebody got a haircut. No no no no, it's cool, it's cool, it looks good, it looks good, don't get angry, yeah, bald head looks good, who would have ever thought all the stars came out tonight, baby, you got The Rock, Busta Rhymes and Dr. Evil himself, we're all here!" "Oh that's real cute, Rock. I hate to break it to ya - but you're yesterday's news. You think you're so cool and popular! Well there's a new #1 man around here, Rock - ME! SmackDown! is NOW officially Kurt Angle's Show. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! You should have seen it last week, the fans on the fourth of July, waving the American flag in support of ME. You know, you think you're so great - you think you're so great, Rock. Because you won the Teen Choice award? Big deal! Teens LOVE me! They line up around the block just to get my autograph! Do you have any idea what my autograph goes for? Huh, Rock?" "Yeah, I can pretty much get a guess, how about 'One MILLLION dollars.' Something like that?" and he hits the Dr. Evil pinky-in-mouth pose again, complete with hilarious sound effect. "Okay that does it, that does it, Rock. I've had enough." YOU'VE had enough? "You know, I thought when you came back, you would have grown up a little bit, but you haven't - you're like a little freakin' child! But I'll tell you what, you're lucky I have a match tonight - but this is what I'm sayin'. Next week on SmackDown! - that's right, I don't wanna wait 'til Vengeance. Next week on SmackDown!, you and me one on one. And Rock, I know you can sing - but next week, I'm gonna make you tap." Rock removes his glasses. "You and The Rock, one on one, next week's SmackDown! Week before Vengeance. That what you want? Well, The Rock officially says 'it's on.' But there's somethin', there's somethin' The Rock wants to bring to your attention. You see, because everybody here tonight, they didn't pay their hard-earned money to see The Rock whoop your ass next week...no no no no no, no, you see The Rock is talking about tonight, tonight, tonight tonight TONIGHT TA-NIGHT!" "Well that's just too bad, 'cause they're gonna have to wait" Right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, shoudlerblock by Rock, anklelock - Angle taps at the speed of light. *Here* comes THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER to blindside Rock - then chokeslam Angle (!) - then chokeslam Rock. Play his music! Seventeen minutes later this segment is finally over!
TV-PG-DLV MOMENTS AGO! See previous paragraph - but be really bored first
Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Trust Company's "Downfall" is the Vengeance theme song! Here's the CD available the 23d!
The graphic don't lie - Taker vs. Angle vs. Rock in a triple threat for the Undisputed Championship!
LAST THURSDAY: Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Lilian Garcia sang - SmackDown! is all about the singing these days - but Team Canada 2002 interrupted and gave us a history lesson - complete with ugly tinting and sinister music.
TEST (Toronto, Ontario - 282 pounds -
with Lance Storm & Christian) v.
RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last
Vengeance ad - title match hyped (well, what else *is* there to hype?) - ten days away!
In the Room of Fun, Stacy removes Vince's jacket...nah I ain't got time for THIS shit, either
EARLIER TODAY! Our intrepid cameraman caught up with Jamie Noble and Nidia (and Tajiri) at the Tropicana buffet....NEXT
Perhaps there will be wrestling Saturday in Ottawa, Sunday in St. Johns, Monday in Binghamton and Tuesday in Wilkes-Barre! Well, probably not in Wilkes-Barre
Subway presents WWE Vengeance! Subway! Eat Jared!
Another exterior Atlantic City shot
LAST MONDAY: Shawn Michaels talked - go read the RAW report
Commentators reveal that Kevin Nash tore his quad Monday - the NWO may need Triple H more than ever
JAMIE NOBLE (cruiserweight champion) &
TAJIRI (416 pounds - with Nidia) v.
HURRICANE (Parts Unknown - 215 pounds) and BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown,
Pennsylvania - 215 pounds - with RAW hype)
Triple H DVD ad
"WrestleMania X8" ad #3
Commentators shill UPN's "Under One Roof"
Backstage, MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD catches up with The Rock. "Rocky! You're still here?" "'Rock, you're still here?' Is that some kind of question? Some sort of statement? Well, damn, Coach - you've changed since the last time The Rock saw you - you changed AND got white! What the hell happened to you?" "Rock, Rock - I'm not the Coach! It's - it's me, Marc Loyd!" "Oh 'it'th me mawk woyd! Isn't that' aw shut up! Marc Loyd, no wait a minute, wait a minute, THE Marc Loyd? THE Marc Loyd is actually talkin' to The Rock? Well let The Rock ask you one question: who in the bluest of blue hells is Marc Loyd? Even more importantly, shut up, even more importantly, if you're Marc Loyd, who is that?" Loyd turns to look, Rock takes his mic and shoves him out of the frame. "Beat it, jabrone. The Rock says this: Rock, you're still here, you're damn right The Rock is still here. Because considering what happened earlier tonight - Undertaker and Angle, as long as you two are still in the building, The Rock, he ain't goin' NO WHERE. You see, Undertaker, congratulations, you made a hell of a champion - but as of now, ten days, that run, the countdown is on - Taker, tick tock, tick tock, you can see what The Rock did earlier this afternoon, The Rock, he did a little gamblin' in Atlantic City, The Rock did some gamblin', the, oh yeah, The Rock found a big casino, The Rock found the biggest slot machine he could find, that said "Vengeance" and The Rock pulled down hard on the People's Handle, and you know what came up? It wasn't the three Red Devils, it damn sure wasn't the three Gold Medals, no no no no no no, it was the Brahma Bull, the Brahma Bull, the Brahma Bull, which simply means this: Undertaker, Angle, you run your mouth about how ten days at Vengeance will be yours, well the fact of the matter is this: ten days at Vengeance, BOTH your candyasses will be mine. Undertaker, Angle, you go out tonight, you have your little tag match - why no problem. Because The Rock will be here. The Rock will be watching, The Rock will be waiting, all the while Marc Loyd stands off camera masturbating..." Rock directs the camera to look at Loyd, who protests...Rock pulls the camera back to him "you sick freak, you go play pocket pool somewhere else, somebody else's show, this is SmackDown! Undertaker, Angle, you're here tonight, The Rock ain't goin' nowhere...The Rock...ain't goin' nowhere...IF YA SUHMELLLLLLLLLLLLALALALOOOWWWW what The Rock - is - cookin'!"
UP NEXT: Undertaker & Cena vs. Angle & Jericho!
Stacker 2 ad #2
HE'S COMING - "Coming in 2 weeks to SmackDown!"
CHRIS JERICHO (Winnipeg, Manitoba - 227
pounds) and KURT ANGLE
(Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. JOHN CENA (Boston,
Massachusetts - 249 pounds) and THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER (Undisputed
champion - Houston, Texas - 305 pounds - on His Beautiful Bourget Python
I think I would rather have seen Austin.
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