UPN MOVIE OF THE WEEK: "Code Red: The Rubicon Conspiracy." Hmmm, hearing Code Red reminds me....let me back up and give you one more...

SODA REVIEW: This week I share my opinion of "Dr Pepper's Red Fusion," which sounds like a bad overnight after hitting the Mexican restaurant but is actually their new "hip" entry into the crowded pop market - or pop mart, if you will. This review is already too long, so let me cut to the quick: this is a damn near perfect imitation of Safeway's "The Skipper," and if you've ever had that let me tell you that THAT is a pretty fair imitation itself...of Mr. Pibb. So, the question actually remains: why would Dr Pepper want to go to so much trouble to create an imitation of an imitation of the fake Dr Pepper? The answer, of course, is this: they think they can make money in the process.

TV-PG-DLV Attitude - Entertainment - WW

Here's a Special Video Look at Hulk Hogan...in sepiavision! The latest man to try to take down the legend is THIS man, Brock Lesnar. What will happen tonight? Find out tonight - TONIGHT!

Closed captioned logo - Opening Credits

Hey they found some leftover PYRO! Coming to you from the Coliseum in Richmond, VA and SAP transmitido en espanol on UPN and the Score 8.8.2 (taped way back on 4.8) and we couldn't be happier

TONIGHT: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Brock - what, he gets three names and he only gets one? AH, POLITICS speaking of which, *but first...*

KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. JOHN CENA (West Newbury, Massachusetts - 249 pounds)
referee: JIMMY KORDERAS
Lockup, fireman's carry takeover by Angle to an armbar. Arm wringer, wrung back by Cena, side headlock - Angle powers out, shoulderblock by Cena. Off the ropes, Angle goes for the leapfrog but Cena's hooked the ropes and stopped - Cena in with a forearm when Angle runs at him. Angle goes outside to think about what he's done. Finally back in - grabs the side headlock and stomps it in - Cena powers out and Angle gives him the shoulderblock (this sounds familiar) - off the ropes, up and over, hooks the rope and Cena leapfrogs over nobody - but again Angle runs in and again Cena connects with a forearm! Angle protests but Korders says it was a clean blow. Angle runs in and eats a clothesline. Sent into the ropes, nice powerslam, 1, 2, Angle kicks out! Angle into the ropes, reversed, Angle runs Cena over the top to the floor...and catches his breath. Now he's out after him. Cena's head meets the STEEL steps. Angle in to break the count - and back out just as fast. Cena rolled in, Angle in. Stomp. Stomp. Head to the buckle. Right hand, right, right, right, kick, kick, kick, Korderas after him but Angle's not hearing it. There's the chop. Forearm to the back of the head. Chop! They walk to the third corner - but Cena reverses! Chop! Chop! Chop! Into the opposite corner is reversed, boots up on the charge by Cena - but Cena walks into a belly-to-belly! Angle is rightfully proud of himself and the crowd lets him know they're not as happy. Angle pulls Cena out and back - into ANOTHER belly-to-belly - leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Angle lets Cena pull himself to his feet - then hooks him again - Cena blocks the suplex, blocks again, and hits the suplex of his own! Cena coming back - elbow, elbow, into the ropes is reversed, Angle lifts him up and RAMS him into the corner. Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, gutshot, scooped up and dropped in a backbreaker - 1, 2, no. Angle feeling it here - snapmares him over and applies the headlock. I forgot to mention Cena's in light blue again this week, so there you go. "Angle sux" chant. Cena back to his feet - elbow in the gut - elbow breaks the hold, right hand, right, right, right, into the ropes, Angle ducks and grabs the waistlock - GERMAN SUPLEX! He's still got it locked - TWO! He wants three but Cena blocks it three times - back elbow - block - elbow breaks the hold - gutshot - DDT! Cena got him there, but he's unable to follow up - both men are down. Korderas' count is already up to five and nobody is showing any signs of life. Angle pulls himself up by the ropes and meets Cena with a right - Cena answers with a right of his own - Angle - Cena - Angle - Cena - Angle - Angle - Angle - sends him into the ropes - Cena ducks the clothesline - Cena with a flying forearm!! Clothesline! Clotheslines! Angle put into the ropes - big back body drop! Cena's caught the second wind...but Angle stops it all with a rake of the face, shoves him down, grabs the ankle...but the anklelock is barely in before Cena rolls to his back and kicks Angle away! Angle up first - right hand, right, into the ropes, reversed by Cena, catches him for a tilt-a-whirl slam! 1, 2, NO!! Angle barely up in time there. Cena daring him to get up...side suplex averted when Angle backflips out and lands on his feet. Gutshot by Angle, sent into the corner - Cena out and Angle rams the post with his shoulder! Angle stands on the apron - Cena grabs him, Angle with a right, Angle climbs the bottom rope - Cena with a dropkick that takes Angle off the apron and into the STEEL steps on his way down! Korderas positions Cena in the centre of the ring and starts the count - up to 3 and Angle looks unconscious - 4 - 5 - ohh, CHRIS BENOIT is up from the crowd, in the ring and taking out Cena with the Crippler Crossface! Korderas spots this and calls for the bell. (DQ Burbank 8:18) Here comes RAYMOND STEREO - shoulder through the ropes, body scissors OVER the ropes to take Benoit outside! But now EDDIE GUERRERO is up from behind on Mysterio - into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! And now here is EDGE - ducks Guerrero and gives him the faceplant! Spear through the ropes on Angle! Edge helps Cena up and Chimel gives us the announcement: Cena has won by disqualification. The future of SmackDown! again poses in the ring - while Angle, Benoit and Guerrero scowl on the ramp.

Tough Enough 2 trainers shill Stacker 2

Commentators shill UPN Tuesday, hosted by the stars of "Blue Crush!"

Backstage, MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD catches up with Benoit & Guerrero and asks why they jumped from RAW. Guerrero: "Shut up, man! Don't you have any manners, ese? You know what - look who you're talking to, man! Look who you're talking to! We're the homies that were on TV last week, beatin' Rock and beatin' Edge ese ese, this man right here ese vato, he had the Rock tapping like this 'Oh no, Mr. Benoit, oh no Wolverine, I'm sorry, Latino Heat!' Ese, man, c'mon, look at him, holmes - he's the master of submission!" Angle catches up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa hold on a second! Excuse me. PLEASE." Loyd walks away. "Peep this, 'holmes.' NOBODY makes people tap like Kurt Angle, get it? I'M the master of submission around here, pal. And John Cena would have been tappin' if it weren't for you guys comin' down and ruinin' the whole match! What's the big deal here, pal?" "What's the big deal?" "Yeah!" "The big deal is you were about to get counted out." "Pfff! Get out of here!" "Cena had you." Benoit puts up his hand for emphasis. "Not!" "That's why Eddie and I like this show so much - because it's by far the best competition in the world - hey - that's why Eddie and I decided to come here." "(something in Spanish)" "Because we needed some REAL competition." "Oh you want competition? I'll GIVE you freakin' competition, pal!" "Oh, is that so?" "Oh, that's so!" Guerrero steps between them. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, man (something in Spanish)! Chill out, holmes! Calm down, okay, vato? It's not about that tonight. See man, they say - yeah, man, I'm talkin' about those chapetes, Mysterio, Cena and Edge - they say they're the future, holmes! Well I say WE are. And I say how 'bout us, that's right, you Angle, Benoit and myself, Latino Heat against them - TONIGHT - three on three. C'mon man, united we stand, divided we fall, ese." "That's fine, but I thought you wanted REAL competition. Let's do it, that's fine, let's do it, guys. I'M the master of submission."

REVEREND D-VON (Dudleyville - 246 pounds - with Batista...and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. THE WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN MARK HENRY (Silsbee, Texas - 353 pounds)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
From the outside, Batista grabs the ankle - but Henry has eyes in the back of his head and back elbows D-Von when he comes in. Right hand, right, into the ropes, head down, sunset flip for D-Von ain't happening. Henry grabs the double choke and shoves him to the turnbuckles - then puts up the brick wall and chest bump. D-Von crawls to the ropes...which gives us the chance to see Henry's Chocolate Mousse one more time. Henry back inside - running into the corner - nobody home - D-Von off the ropes with a forearm - off the ropes and ducks the shot from Henry - hits the clothesline and takes Henry off his feet! D-Von going to work - off the ropes, fistdrop, stomp, stomp, stomp. "Who's the man?" Fistdrop again. Stomp, stomp, DOUBLE stomp! Goes for the stomp again but Henry catches the boot in his hands - to his feet - spins him around and clotheslines him down. Backhand. Clothesline. Into the ropes, big back body drop by Henry. Scoop...and a slam. Got him on the shoulder again...but D-Von is down the back, right, right, into the corner is reversed into a - yikes, ends up giving him a faceplant from his shoulder but almost KILLS him. Batista on the apron, Henry punches him off. Henry with a side kick (!) - and a powerslam - 1, 2, 3. (2:48) Batista attacks from behind to make sure the celebration is short-lived. Batista holds him down while D-Von climbs the corner...but RIKASHMONEY is in, tosses D-Von, then upends Batista as he charges him! Batista wants to go back in and get some more but D-Von holds him back. "Hey D-Von? What you afraid of? Let him go!" D-Von decides to go ahead and sends him...

BATISTA v. RIKISHI - duck, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline, into the ropes, brick wall, tries the hiptoss but Batista blocks it - blocks it again - 'kishi ducks, swings but Batista hooks it into a full nelson - and a slam! Batista takes over - kick, right, right, kick, right, right, chasing off Chioda's rule enforcement. Right. Foot on the throat for 4. That six man challenge HAS been accepted and will take place tonight! Right by Batista, knee, right. Clotheslines him down. Shin across the back of the neck for 4. 'kishi lies across the apron - Batista puts the foot across his throat - then when he backs off to hear it from Chioda, D-Von adds a shot from the outside. Right by Batista - elbow - into the ropes, 'kishi ducks - gutshot - DDT! 'kishi raises the roof and the crowd goes wild - fat ass splash is met with a knee in the ribs! Batista holds him as D-Von climbs to the apron - but Riksihi ducks and Batista takes the right hand! RIKISHIKICK! 1, 2, 3! (2:31) Well, now they're 0-2 tonight, and Cole reminds us this is Batista's first loss...and he isn't too happy about D-Von's role in it. D-Von tries to explain that it was Rikishi's fault and not his own..but the replay seems to show otherwise. D-Von's looking for a little forgiveness...but we'll have to leave this in mid-development because

Backstage, Brock Lesnar is WALKING! Heyman catches up and asks where they're goin'. "We're goin' into Hogan's locker room." "Why would we want to do that? That's not a good idea for us, Brock." "I'm goin' into Hogan's locker room to find out if he really, really wants to go through with this or not." "I'm sure he does--" "PAUL - either you're in with this...or you're not. You make the call." "Oh, come on, let's just talk about this, listen to reason, this is not a good idea..."

SummerSlam promo (Rock)

When we come back, Heyman is still trying to convince Lesnar this isn't a good idea - but there he barges. "So - you really wanna go through with this, huh? End your career tonight, lay it all on the line, get in the ring with the Next Big Thing, the guy that's goin' to SummerSlam for the WWE title, huh? Step in the ring, toe to toe with Brock Lesnar? Is that what you want?" "You're so young. Full o' life, you got the world in the palm of your hand. No injuries, man, you got it made. But if *I* was you, I would lay it all on the line. I would put it all up for grabs, I'd prove the point you're tryin' to prove, if *I* was you - I would put my shot at the WWE title at SummerSlam, I'd put it on the line tonight. I would put that on the line, if I was you. But then again, you're not Hulk Hogan, are you?" "That's what you want, huh? That's what you - yeah - let's do it. Tonight!" Laughing, he leaves the dressing room - and meets a livid Heyman. "What the hell did you just do?! Do you realise - do you realise what you just did? Brock, Brock - what the hell - are you out of your mind? Do you know who that man is - that is Hulk Hogan! Twenty years of defying the odds, don't think of this guy as the guy that slammed Andre the Giant, think of him as the legend who beat Triple H for the title just a few months ago. He ALWAYS overcomes adversity - that's his whole M.O. - he PLAYED you! You got SUCKERED!" "What's the matter, Paul? You losin' confidence in me? Huh? What's the matter? You scared?" He shoves him aside and walks off. Heyman, flustered, eventually decides to take off in another direction....while the cameraman goes off in a third...

Hearing screams, we find Torrie Wilson attacking Nidia...until Jamie Noble pulls her off. Somehow, Billy Kidman gets involved - along with the usual crew of referees and officials.

It's time now for the Cool Color of the Night brought to you by Maxim haircolor for men! From Velocity last Saturday, Billy and Chuck score the fall over Shannon Moore and The Hurricane.

BILLY & CHUCK (534 pounds - with Rico) v. THE HURRICANE & SHANNON MOORE (410 pounds - with SmackDown! in Seattle hype)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
It's Chuck and Hurricane to start. Rico makes some noise, Hurricane looks his way, and it's Chuck with a shot in the back on a distracted Hurricane. Right hand puts him down. Scoop...but Hurricane's free - to the ropes, Chuck shakes him off - and Hurricane poses. Chuck runs into a drop toehold - Hurricane with a flying kick (Tazz: "flyin' wizard" - huh?) - 1, 2, no. Chuck reverses the whip, blind tag, Hurricane rolls under, pokes the eye - Moore off the top with a flying headscissors! But Billy comes in and clotheslines him down. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp. Sparks is busy putting Hurricane in the corner and missed the no tag. Billy stands on the neck for 4. Big right hand. Into the ropes, brought up...Moore dropkicks at the apex! Tag to Hurricane - clothesline, clothesline, clotheslines, into the ropes is reversed but Hurricane reverses to a swinging DDT - Chuck in, Hurricane ducks but he keeps running until knocking Moore off the apron, back to Hurricane who grabs the choke - Billy ALSO in a choke - of course, that doesn't happen - double flapjack by Billy & Chuck, who covers - and gets 2. Head to the boot of Billy, tag, right by Chuck, left for Billy to stand on him. Sparks warning him and Rico gets in the choke as well. Billy with a right hand. Right. Right, right, firing up the crowd, into the opposite corner...taking too long here...running at him and nobody's home on the splash attempt! Hurricane with a neckbreaker! Moore is jumping for a tag but it'll be Chuck getting that tag first. HOT TAG TO MOORE! Clothesline by Moore! Clothesline! Kick - off the ropes with a front flip neckbreaker! To the top rope - off the top with a moonsault! Billy in without a tag - One and Only puts Moore down. But Hurricane is in and hits the chokeslam! Rico in - Hurricane puts him over the top to the floor! Hurricane runs the ropes - Billy shoves Rico out of his way and Hurricane crashes on Rico! Back in the ring, Moore attempts a top rope leap into a Frankensteiner but Chuck catches him and stops it. Calling to Billy, Chuck puts Moore on his shoulder for Code Red (Doomsday Device) - Hurricane tries to stop Billy on his way up, but gets kicked off. Billy leaps but Moore ducks, then drops down to complete a victory roll - 1, 2, 3!! (4:37) Replay of "Shannon Moore's Miracle." Three unhappy guys left in the ring.

In the locker room, Mysterio does pullups while Cena tells Edge, "I could see it out there, man. I could FEEL it. And then Benoit comes in and puts on the Crippler crossface and he just...SNAPS IT IN, WON'T LET GO LIKE SOME CANADIAN HYPERVICE HE JUST--" "Whoa whoa whoa - whoa! Dude, chill out! If you want that feeling back, that rush back, like when you had Angle beat tonight, well we go out there and we beat them in the six-man tag team match. You know, they say that the three of us are the future of SmackDown!, well I say screw the future...let's make the future right now. You know, I got a bone to pick with - with Beonit and Guerrero after that tag match last week, and when it comes to Kurt Angle, you know he and I--" "Yo, guys...don't sweat Kurt. I got Kurt Angle tonight." Mysterio walks off to allow Cena and Edge to make faces

The fire still burns...wait, is this RAW? I'm confused

Fleer WWE trading cards ad

And now, the Extreme Blast of the Night, rocked by JVC's Tower of Power! From Earlier Tonight, the big six man is set up with all kinds of run-ins

A distraught Heyman knocks on the general manager's door. "Paul, have you seen Dawn Marie?" "Excuse me?" "I have some papers that are very time-sensitive and you know, I just haven't seen Dawn anywhere. It's urgent." "I haven't seen her but if I do, I'll send her right in to you, but - but while I have you for a moment...I was just thinking, you know, I don't know if you've heard the big news, and um.. Brock Lesnar, the Next Big Thing, walked into Hulk Hogan's locker room and Hogan, you know how Hogan likes to stir everything up, challenged Brock to put the SummerSlam shot on the line, and--" "Oh, I know - Paul, I thought it was a GREAT idea." "Oh SURE I mean for HOGAN it was, I mean just to stir the pot and really get underneath Brock's skin and really get him all aggravated for--" "Well actually I mean I thought it was a stroke of genius on your part and Brock's part, because I mean, if you look at the SummerSlam main event, it's either Brock vs. Rock...OR, Rock vs. Hogan...part 2! I mean, really, it's just, it's a win/win all around for SmackDown! I'm, I'm so happy you came to me, you know, I really wanna make that stipulation legally binding. You're on. Thank you. Now please do send Dawn in here." "Thank YOU, Ms. McMahon. You know...you're getting to be more like your father every day."

EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds) and JOHN CENA (West Newbury, Massachusetts - 249 pounds) and REY MYSTERIO (San Diego, California - 175 pounds) v. KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) and EDDIE GUERRERO & CHRIS BENOIT (Intercontinental champion) (564 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Thursday)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
Cole remarks that Rock hasn't tapped "since his rookie year." Whoa, continuity RULES! even if I can't remember offhand who he must have tapped to (Shamrock?) Well I'll have some time to check because before this match begins we take the ubiquitous AD BREAK

During the break, I found submissions to both Shamrock AND Mankind, so there you go. A station ID may have stepped on the return, I don't know - I see Angle just after a hairpull takedown on Edge and Cole says we're just starting, so...I dunno? Angle right, right, right, kick, kick, stomp, standing on the neck. Bring on the onsale crawl! Chop. Chop. Right. Into the ropes, reversed, Edge with a belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Edge chops, Angle with a knee, and tag to Benoit. Benoit runs into the flapjack. Tag to Mysterio. Right, right, right, whip is reversed, Benoit presses him up and lets him drop. Knee in the gut, pulled into another knee in the gut, into the ropes, and Benoit buries one more knee. Put into the corner...boots up by Mysterio - elbow. Climbs up the corner, but Benoit is behind with three forearms in the back. Mysterio on the shoulders but he does a 180 and takes down Benoit with a Frankensteiner! Mysterio ducks a clothesline, but off the ropes Angle gets in a free shot - Mysterio turns to face him and Benoit takes HIM down with a forearm. Guerrero getes the tag. Forearm, forearm in the back, forearm, forearm, arm wringer...Mysterio is screaming. Elbow to the elbow, again, takes the arm wringer to put Mysterio on his back. Pulled back up, elbow to the elbow once again, shoves him away - Mysterio punches back, right, right, runs to the corner, leaps and hits the head scissors takeover! Tag to Cena - Guerrero ducks the swing, right, right, Cena right, Guerrero, Cena, Guerrero, Cena, Cena, Cena, into the ropes, big hiplock takeover, cover, 1, 2, no. Wants a suplex but Guerrero goes down the back, standing switch, Cena with a death suplex - 1, 2, Angle breaks it up - this brings in Edge and now Edge and Angle are outside - while Hebner keeps Mysterio out, Benoit joins Guerrero in a doubleteam on Cena. Guerrero with a right when Hebner turns around, and Benoit gets the tag - big open kick. Forearm. Into the corner and Cena hits hard. Stomp. Snap suplex. Hooks the leg...and gets 2. Cena reaches - Benoit stomps. Dragged back to his corner with a head to the buckle - and tag to Angle while Guerrero holds him - right, right, right, right, pulled into a short clothesline. Just like in the first match, Angle goes to the headlock. Cena has nowhere to go but to the mat. Crowd comes alive...and Cena starts to make it back to his feet - elbow, elbow, right, right, right, off the ropes...but Angle catches him and gives him the Alabama slam! 1, 2, Edge has to break it up! Tag to Guerrero, scoop...and a slam, and Guerrero is in with his slingshot senton - 1, 2, no! Right, elbow, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, standing on the neck...for 4. "Eddie sucks!" chant. Stomp. Guerrero spits at Mysterio, which brings him in...Cena snapmared into the unfriendly corner and Guerrero adds a stomp'n'spin. Tag to Benoit. Open shot by Benoit. They put Cena into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Benoit with the death suplex as Guerrero heads back to his corner. Benoit puts him in the corner - but Cena manages to throw the elbow as Benoit comes in...but Benoit retakes control as Cena charges - drop toe hold - then Benoit leaps forward to drive a forearm into the back of Cena's head! Benoit giving Cena the bad mouth and the big forearm. Head to the buckle, chop, chop. Cena tries to fight his way out of the corner, getting a back elbow in on Guerrero before Angle puts him back down again. Tag to Guerrero - right hand to the back of the head - now drops down and grabs a front headlock. Cena brought up - but put down quickly with a death suplex. Guerrero is feeling froggy...but Mysterio heads him off on his way up the ropes! Guerrero eventually kicks him off but Cena's had just enough time to get to his feet - over to Guerrero, right hand, second rope - SUPERPLEX!! Everybody's down and Hebner starts the count. Edge wants the tag in the worst way! Hebner to six as Guerrero tags Benoit - HOT TAG TO EDGE! Angle in first (I guess HIS tag was actually seen by Hebner) and Edge clotheslines him down - Benoit gets a free shot on the apron - flying forearm for Angle - back body drop for Guerrero - gutshot for Benoit, into the corner, shoulder to the gut, spear for Guerrero...Angle tries to sneak under with the Olympic Slam but Edge shakes it - ducks a clothesline - off the ropes - SPEAR! But Benoit is up from behind with a German suplex on Edge! Mysterio in - ducks Benoit's swing - body scissors on Benoit - into a bulldog! Guerrero gutshot on Mysterio - BRAINBUSTER!! Cena on Guerrero with a Protobomb! Angle with the Olympic Slam on Cena! Cena rolls out and Angle moves to the ropes to taunt him - unfortunately leaving him in perfect position to eat Mysterio's 619! Mysterio with the springboard to the Frankensteiner - covers - 1, 2, 3! (we saw 10:03) Commentators tell us that that's called the "West Coast Pop" (I think), and Tazz suddenly realises Mysterio was NOT the legal man. I'd say "I love Tazz" but the only time they mention stuff like this is if it's part of an angle...

TONIGHT: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Brock Lesnar!

Angle is throwing quite a tantrum in the ring - could HE have known he got pinned by an illegal man?

Saturday on Confidential - Rikishi DIES! (But comes back)

MOMENTS AGO! Let's watch Angle get pinned one more time - poor guy, wrestles twice and comes up with zero wins. Also, Kurt jumped up and down!

DURING THE BREAK! Marc Loyd caught up with a shell-shocked Angle. "I just got pinned by a freakin' twelve-year-old! What the heck is going on around here? People running into my matches, referees screwin' me left and right..." Loyd asks him what he means by that. "Do you even WATCH the matches? Rey Mysterio was the illegal man! He was the illegal man...he's probably an illegal citizen...and if he had any integrity whatsoever, he'd come forth and forfeit the freakin' match! But I guess integrity isn't a part of his extremely limited vocabulary, is it? But I'll tell you something that should be in his vocabulary - broken ankle. Which is something that Rey Mysterio is going to experience firsthand courtesy of Your Olympic Hero. Oh it's true - it's damn true!" He shoves Loyd aside and takes off.

Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. They hype Vin Diesel IS "xXx."

JAMIE NOBLE (cruiserweight champion) & NIDIA (with SmackDown! is brought to you by Vin Diesel IS "XXX," Subway & JVC's Tower of Power HX Series) v. BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown, Pennsylvania - 215 pounds - with EARLIER TONIGHT!) and TORRIE SAMUDA in a mixed tag
referee: Sparks
The women are ready to go at it right now, but the men hold them back. Nidia lets Noble go to forearm Kidman in the back, though, and now we're on. Whip into Nidia's boot - Northern Lights gets Noble 2. Choke on the middle rope. Cole points out this is Nidia's first match in the WWE, can you believe it? Into the ropes, hip toss blocked - knee in the gut by Kidman, leg over the neck into a Frankensteiner, dropkick, right, right, into the corner, off the ropes and Noble ducks - but runs into the rydeenbomb - 1, 2, Nidia breaks it up. Kidman grabs her by the cutoffs on her way back to the corner...Nidia slaps him one - Noble in and Kidman shoves him into Nidia - Kidman clotheslines him out, then beckons Nidia closer - he's got her over his knee! But before anything can happen, Noble is back in and dropkicking Kidman in the back of the head. Again Kidman gets Noble over the top and outside - blocks a slap from Nidia and tags Torrie - got her over his knee again! Torrie with the SPANK! SPANK! SPANK SPANK SPANK umm I'll be right back... Noble back on the apron and Kidman punches him back to the floor. Going for the pescado but Noble is outta there and Kidman goes SPLAT. Kinda like *I* just did! Ah ha ha. Meanwhile, Wilson gives Nidia a neckbreaker, chop, into the ropes is reversed, Noble ankles her - she turns round and kicks him, but Nidia sneaks under with a schoolboy (sorry, schoolgirl), probably pulls the hot pants and gets the 1, 2, 3. (2:00)

Dawn Marie is WALKING! Only with someone like her do we watch them walk from behind, of course...into Stephanie's office where she ain't - Stacy's there instead. "Dawn - where have you been?" "I've been looking for Stephanie - is she here?" "Listen, she's been looking for you all night." "I know, I just got the papers, they just came in, and I have to give them to her." "Well, you can just give them to me." "No! *I* am going to give them to her. These are very time-sensitive and they are legal documents that need to be given to her personally." "Listen - okay, listen! Last week, I screwed up with Stephanie enough - I'm not going to screw up I'm going to give her the papers. As a matter of fact, Mr. McMahon just called me and let me know what they were all about...and, funny, he even mentioned you." "Oh yeah?" "But, since I have so much to do and these papers just got here, I probably won't be able to go meet him 'til around 1 o'clock, and...he'll be in that presidential suite down at the Marriott until then...don't you even think about it." "What? I'm not thinking about anything." Haw haw that's probably true! "So look. I promise, I'll give Stephanie the papers." "If I give these to you now, do you PROMISE you will give these to her?" "Yes." "Okay. And then tonight, when you see Mr. McMahon around 1, 2..." "...if that..." "...you'll tell him I gave them to you?" "If that, yes." "At the Marriott, that presidential suite..." "Don't forget." "I won't." "Thanks, Stacy." So she leaves...and Stacy hides them underneath the couch. OHHHH if ONLY someone WATCHED this show! They could WARN Stephanie! In fact....didn't Stephanie make a SUPER BIG DEAL about having SmackDown! people WATCHING SmackDown!? My head hurts again

It's the WWE live! Tomorrow, Kelowna! Saturday, Kamloops! Sunday, Vancouver! Monday's RAW in Seattle is SOLD OUT! Tuesday is also Seattle! And Saturday is Terra Haute!

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When we come back, Stephanie asks Stacy "Was Dawn just in here? I heard Dawn was in the office, did she drop off my documents?" "Well, she was here, and I told her that you were looking for her, and I told her where to find you." "Well, she didn't. And now I hear that she's left the building somehow?" "She DID say something about meeting your father at the Marriott..." "Okay, thank you. You know, Stace...I wanna apologise for last week. I sorta jumped to conclusions, you know, with your history and everything, and, you know, Bischoff being in my office and...you really have been keeping things running around here and I do appreciate it." "Don't worry about it." "And if Dawn calls, or if Dawn comes in here with those papers, please call me know right away." "Okay. Yep." "Okay, thank you." "I will." After she leaves, Eric Bischoff comes in through the back door. "Did you get 'em?" Bischoff takes the envelope and kisses it. Laughter all around. I guess it was too much to hope that it wasn't a note saying "you are being filmed right now."

Take a look at the Richmond Coliseum! Tazz actually mentions Bischoff is in Stephanie's office - damn, if ONLY someone was WATCHING THIS SHOW - THEY COULD TELL STEPHANIE - hey, wait...why isn't TAZZ telling Stephanie? Isn't having this gig *important* to him?

You have to hope this is some big angle and Stephanie's just setting a trap - otherwise these have got to be the STUPIDEST people....oh wait. What am I saying?

UP NEXT: Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Brock!

Loyd stands with Hogan. Does he really have a chance against Brock Lesnar? "Okay, brother - you're right. Maybe Brock Lesnar IS a little bit stronger than me. And let's face it, you know - he's 25 years old and I'm....I'm 29, dude. Okay, so I got a couple years on him. You know in fact, conventional wisdom might say that I shouldn't even be thinking about beating Brock Lesnar, I don't have a chance. But conventional wisdom doesn't take into account that there's fifteen thousand Hulkamaniacs that'll rise to their feet and scream their lungs out for me, little dude. Conventional wisdom doesn't take into account that Hulkamania took a man that was down and out in this business and brought me all the way back to the top, to the WWE title. You know, it's Hulkamania, not Brock Lesnar that's unstoppable. Brock Lesnar has never faced anything as strong as Hulkamania - never, brother! So I'm counting - I'm relying on all my Hulkamaniacs to pull me througuh this one tonight with the Next Big Thing so that I can face Rock and get my WWE title back, brother. And you sit here, and you ask me if I think I've got what it takes to make it out of there alive tonight, brother? Well that's not the question, little dude, that needs to be asked. We all know what the question is, brother. You know it, I know it, and the Next Big Thing knows it. ... What'cha gonna do, Brock. What'cha gonna do, Next Big Thing? What'cha gonna do, Brock Lesnar, when Hulkamania and fifteen thousand Hulkamaniacs run wild on you? What'cha gonna do?"

Stacker 2 ad #2 - you know this is like the only time I ever see Ivory on this show anymore

And now, the Whack of the Night, presented by Whacko Tobacco - from last week, Angle gets disqualified against Hogan to lose the match that decided Lesnar's opponent tonight...in fact, right now!

KING BROCK LESNAR (Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295 pounds - with Paul Heyman - and Foot Locker House of Hoops presents SummerSlam, 25 August!) v. HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN (Hollywood, California - 285 pounds
referee: Hebner
Well, he stand up next to a mountain - he chop it down with the edge of his hand. Staredown in the centre...Lesnar elects to leave the ring so Hogan can cup his ear to all four sides of the arena. Or is he showing fear? Or does he anticipate...an ad break?

When we come back, the bell has JUST rung. Crowd is loud as we again move to the staredown in the centre of the ring. Lesnar fails to say "you will die." Hogan takes steps back and thoughtfully strokes his naturally-coloured beard. "Hogan" chant gets bigger as Hogan turns his head to and fro. Finally, they lock up - but that ends with stalemate. Whoa, Cole said "stalemate!" Lockup...Lesnar shoves Hogan away! Lesnar grins and goes back to his happy dance as Hogan collects his own thoughts. We're now two minutes in. Lockup - no, Lesnar shoots under and puts a forearm in the back. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp. Scoop...and a slam! Lesnar is confident - but Hogan pops up! Lesnar turns back - Hogan right - right - right - right - right - right, chop, right, chop, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, reversed...nobody home on the charge! Hogan with a lariat! 1, kicked out at 2. Hogan drops the elbow. Another elbowdrop. Hogan eschews a third elbowdrop in favour of raking his boot across Lesnar's face. Off the ropes and a running headstart on the clothesline - and Lesnar is over to the outside! Lesnar makes a funny face while the crowd chants "Hogan" and Hebner fails to count to ten. We're now FOUR minutes in. The pace is deliberate, yes, but a story *is* developing here. Hogan decides to go out after Lesnar when he fails to make a move towards the ring. Heyman on the apron and Hebner turns his attention that way - Lesnar grabs Hogan's legs and makes a wish using the ringpost - twice! Having taken the shortcut, Lesnar's smile returns. Lesnar back in the ring - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Hogan pulled to the centre - off the ropes with an elbowdrop - off the ropes with a second elbowdrop, and there's a third elbowdrop. Lesnar helps Hogan up - Irish whip into the corner - Lesnar puts his shoulder into the gut. Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. Forearm in the back. Lesnar eggs on the crowd. Stomp, stomp. Again, Lesnar eggs on the crowd, while Heyman tries to keep Lesnar on track to finish the match. Stomp. Lesnar brings up Hogan...then tosses him through the ropes out to the floor. Lesnar out after him - clubbing forearm in the back. Lesnar removes the commentary table top and does a little redecorating...but in the meantime, Hogan is up. Hogan with the rake of the face! Right hand - whip into the ringpost! Lesnar rolls into the ring, Hogan meets him - right hand in the corner, climbs to the second rope - Ten Punch Count Along only gets to five before Lesnar powerbombs him out of the corner! Heyman screams for him to make the cover - too slow - 1, 2, no! We take the Foot Locker Replay but already Hogan is showing signs of the second wind. Right hand no, right hand no, right hand, starting to jackhammer, right hand to his feet, forearm, no, forearm, no, forearm, YOU! Hogan wags his finger quite a bit - block, right, right, right, into the ropes, big boot, calling to the crowd - but Lesnar is up before Hogan can even hit the ropes - Lesnar with a gutshot - up on the shoulders but Hogan is out of the F-5 attempt! Right, right, right, into the ropes, big boot, free shot for Heyman on the apron, off the ropes with the big leg - 1, 2, LESNAR KICKS OUT!!! Hogan can't believe it, but continues to jackhammer and gets right back on him - Lesnar begs off! Right hand, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, big boot! Off the ropes, but Heyman grabs the ankle! Hogan brings Heyman onto the apron...but Lesnar is there, forearm to Hogan in the back. Up on the shoulder - and there's the Key on My Keyboard! Lesnar doesn't cover, though - he looks to the crowd instead. Heyman again screams for Lesnar to make the cover...but instead, Lesnar lifts up Hogan and applies the bearhug. Crowd is loud...ew, Hogan is "bleeding internally" with the red stuff coming out of his mouth. Arm falls once - arm falls twice - holy crap! ARM FALLS THRICE! (10:03) Lesnar doesn't really feel like letting it go. Heyman hits the ring and Lesnar finally *does* let go of the bearhug. Lesnar shoves Hebner out of the ring and surveys the damage. Finally, Heyman and Lesnar leave the ring and head up the ramp...wait. As the crowd chants "Rock E" (but we've already been told he's in Australia), Lesnar heads back down the ramp, around the ring..and picks up a chair. Hebner is easily chased out of the ring...Lesnar dares Hogan to get up, while Heyman yells "Brock! You're gonna KILL 'im!" Hogan up - WHACK! Well he's back down. Heyman shouts "No more - no more!" as Lesnar stands over Hogan with a smile on his face. You can add a bladejob to Hogan's red drool job - well, maybe - maybe they just covered him in syrup through the magic of editing as well. Brock goes down there AGAIN, grabbing Hogan's head and giving him what for. Lesnar rubs Hogan's blood on his chest! Credits are up and I guess we won't get to see if he wrote "DIE" or not, 'cause this show is OVER!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling