TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!

SUMMERSLAM: Brock Lesnar finally gets the celebration we didn't see when they cut off the show on Sunday - also, Heyman voiceovers his Doink laugh

Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!

NORO - coming to you from Moheegan Sun's Arena in Uncasville, CT (win big wampum) 29.8.2 (taped 27.8) and SAP transmitido en espanol - who needs pyro when you've got STEFFO? It's SMACKDOWN! You know, maybe they should say something like "she's taking the pyro money and using it to give bonuses to good workers" or HAAA sorry I smarked out for a minute there. But you know they COULD say "she gave the pyro budget money to Brock Lesnar!" but they never seem to take advantage of logical extensions like that. Do they? Mic time for the screech: "Welcome to SmackDown! - home of the Undisputed WWE Champion Brock Lesnar. Now it's too bad that Bischoff's #1 Contender's match last Monday night on RAW doesn't really mean anything, because the Undisputed Champion Brock Lesnar is exclusively here for all of you - on SmackDown! Which begs the question - who *is* the #1 Contender to face Brock for the Undisputed title? It's certainly not Triple H - he's a RAW Superstar. No, it's gonna be someone here on SmackDown! and we're gonna find out who it is tonight. Now I've asked everyone to be dressed, ready to compete - because starting right now, we're gonna have a single elimination style series of matches, with the winner of the last match being named the #1 Contender to face Brock Lesnar for the Undisputed title - and we're gonna start RIGHT NOW!" YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH MY DURANGO

EDGE v. ? - "Wooo! I'll scream if I want it - and ladies and gentlemen, Edge's opponent - one of the first superstars to sign from RAW to SmackDown! just for the competition, the Latino Sensation, Latino Heat EDDIE GUERRERO!" I hope you didn't pay for SummerSlam to see this match, folks, 'cause people who spend money on pay-per-views are SUCKERS. (Hey, I paid to see Shawn Michaels, dumbass.) Oh. MY BAD. Guerrero rushes the ring and here we go - lockup, armdrag by Edge, armdrag, wants the faceplant but Guerrero to the side, again, death suplex, stomp, elbow to the shoulder, again, right, suplex is countered, Edge punches, shoves him into the ropes, flapjack, ducks the swing and hits the faceplant - 1, 2, Guerrero kicks out. Guerrero offers the Hand of Friendship - Edge pulls him into a short-arm clothesline. WOW they're going fast - Guerrero crawls and hugs referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas but there's no sanctuary there. Edge advances, and as Korderas gets out of the corner, his back is turned to Guerrero...wait, he DOESN'T cheat - he just kicks the back of the leg. I THINK that's still legal. Guess he just took advantage of the shield, okay. Kick, kick, forearm across the back of the head, punches the shoulder, elbow, head to the buckle, kick, kick, kick, kick kick kick, right, Guerrero takes time to say a word in Spanish - I don't understand, but I saw it in a film one time spoken by the leading man. Pulls out Edge for another forearm. BIG European uppercut puts Edge down. Guerrero is SHUFFLING! Kick. Head to the buckle. Pulls him out, whip is reversed, but Guerrero meets him with an elbow. Nice snap suplex and floats over - 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Guerrero applies the Kunze armbar and again, he's targeting that shoulder. Edge doesn't give it up - everybody back to their feet. Another big elbow. Edge tries to fire back with a right, another right, and Guerrero dropkicks the knees. Stomp. Suplex is blocked - and Edge suplexes Guerrero over the top to the floor!! This might be a good time to note the makeover given to the ring - the ropes are still blue, but they're attached to silver ringposts, and the aprons and steps are also silver. By burying this deep into the match description, I've ensured that NOBODY will read it - then six months from now, someone will ask "say, how come CRZ never said anything about the silver ringposts?" and I'll get very righteously indignant and stuff. Oh, the life I lead sometimes. Edge decides to climb up the corner - Tazz thinks this is a bad idea - Edge off the top to the floor - but connects!! Both men are down - Korderas eschews a count to make sure somebody will be able to get back in - it's Edge rolling in Guerrero - going up top again but Guerrero is ready this time - right, right, climbing up after him, orale, SUPERPLEX!!! But Guerrero is slow to cover - crawls to drape an arm on him - 1, 2, NO! Guerrero pulls up Edge - replay here. Elbow, right, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow - into the ropes, reversal by Edge - brings him up...and lets him drop. Edge with a shot - and a POWERBOMB! Unfortunately, that was all he had - neither man is getting up - Korderas is already up to four and neither man is moving. Five. Guerrero pulls himself up using the ropes. Six. Seven. Both men up. Guerrero tries to reverse as Edge comes in but Edge blocks - right, right, right, into the ropes with Guerrero, big back body drop! Clothesline! Clothesline! Guerrero swings and Edge ducks - Edge-omatic! 1, 2, Guerrero kicks out! Edge brings him up - right hand. Death suplex but Guerrero flips out - swing and a miss - Edge HITS the death suplex on second try! Edge scales the buckles - he's poised - he's got it! Missile dropkick! Guerrero shot into the corner - there's the shoulder in the corner! He's still not done - gutshot - lifts him up for a suplex but Guerrero lands on the apron and immediately drops, giving Edge a hot shot. Guerrero finds himself outside and you can see the wheels start turning - grabbing a chair, check that, two chairs, he heads back to ringside, places one chair against the ring and slides the other one in - where Edge grabs it. Is he trying to get Edge disqualified intentionally? Korderas wrests the chair from him when he rares back - and while he puts the chair out of the ring, Guerrero holds up the SECOND chair, meeting Edge's spear - all behind the ref's back. Guerrero needs to be sure...or add injury to injury - FROG SPLASH! 1, 2, 3! (7:53) And this is just the FIRST match in this tournament! Guerrero now adds the insult - and grinds his boot into Edge's face for measure. Here are your replays. Who will Guerrero's next opponent be?

Unforgiven spot - it's all Brock Lesnar, baby

Stephanie - is - WALKING! She's stopped by Matt Hardy. "Steph! Hey! You hear that?" "What?" "They love me in Moheegan Sun! Anyway, the #1 Contender series? Golden idea." "Of course!" "So obviously I'm next to face Eddie Guerrero, correct?" "Actually, Matt, you're not. The next competitor in the #1 Contender series - the man who will face Eddie Guerrero will be...Rikishi." "Well, cool - well then it's obvious - I'll face the winner of the Rikishi/Eddie Guerrero match. Right?" "Well, we'll see, Matt - we'll see." "Well, I'm ready!" And he starts warming up...

JOHN CENA (blue/white - West Newbury, Massachusetts - 249 pounds - with Unforgiven onsale hype) v. REVEREND D-VON (Dudleyville - 247 pounds - with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week)
referee: BRIAN HEBNER
D-Von tosses his coat at Cena, then pops him after the distraction - right, right, Cena right, elbow, kick, right, into the roeps, hiptoss, dropkick, off the ropes with a faceplant - no cover but D-Von rolls away - makes him miss in the corner and hits a neckbreaker to turn it around. Stomp, right, right by Cena, clubbing blow by D-Von - kick - head to the buckle, right, block, Cena right, right, right, but D-Von pops the eyes. Headlock - shot to the throat (that ain't Christian!) - suplex, off the ropes and drops the elbow - cover - 1, 2, no. D-Von dares him to come back, so he does - Cena right, elbow, elbow, kick, right, into the ropes, reversed, nice powerslam by D-Von - 1, 2, no. Cover - 1, 2, no. I miss D-Von's white boots. Jawbreaker! "Get up, boy!" Forearm to the back. Chop - Cena right, D-Von mauls him down. "Who's the man?" Scoop...no, Cena goes behind, spins him into the gutshot and swinging fishermanbuster (he stole Saturn's move)! Cena coming back - clothesline, clothesline, off the ropes, flying jalapeno, off the ropes with ANOTHER flying forearm smash, 1, 2, no! Atomic drop and a big'un. Off the ropes - but D-Von comes right back with the jumpin' back elbow. D-Von going to the top?! This'll never work. Here he comes - swandive headbutt MISSES! Cena with the Oklahoma roll - 1, 2, Hebner probably could've got 3 but didn't. Cena shoves him to the corner and climbs up - right left right right - D-Von out with an atomic drop - kicks the back of the leg, inverted gourdbuster - 1, 2, 3. (4:45) Maybe he'll dance - oops, BATISTA is out - clothesline! And there's a big, big sitout powerbomb. Hey he has music! They're playing it! So is he a face, or just a heel who hates that other heel? Also, remember when Cena beat Jericho?

Here's a Special Video Look at Rey Mysterio - he's NEXT!

Ah, hell - a new Stacker 2 ad. This one's got Bubba Ray Dudley and just *like* it's ephedra-free. Well what the hell GOOD is it then - wait, isn't Bubba a RAW guy? Ahhhh I gotta million of 'em

"Confidential" ad

REY MYSTERIO (San Diego, CA - 175 pounds) v. RICO (Las Vegas, Nevada - 236 pounds - with Billy & Chuck)
referee: MIKE SPARKS
Lockup, go behind, Rico reverses, full nelson, gutshot, scoop...but Mysterio lands on his feet - off the ropes and Billy tries to grab him, distracting Mysterio - Rico tries to get the run on him but he upends him over and to the floor! Billy and Chuck check on their stylist...then put him back in the ring - Mysterio decides to use Rico as a launching pad, leaping off his back onto Billy and Chuck! Sparks puts Mysterio back inside...then tosses Billy and Chuck for good measure. Back to the ring for a one on one - Rico with a right - biiiiig death suplex. Stomp. Head to the buckle, into the ropes, head down, kick by Mysterio - up top - Frankensteiner down - into the ropes is reversed, Rico with a tilt-a-whirl but again Mysterio lands on his feet - ducks the swing but Rico snaps a kick to the back. Dragon sleeper applied...swung up onto his shoulder from that...then thrown down with a side slam - nice. Stomp, stomp, head to the buckle, right, right, right. Mysterio tries to get in a shot, but Rico is back with a right hand, whip into the opposite corner, gutshot, snap suplex, holding on and there's a second - Rico wants a third...or does he? There's a delay - then throws Mysterio between his legs into a powerbomb! Cover - 1, 2, no! Can't keep him down, so Rico goes to the blatant choke...for 4. Stomp. "Rico sux!" "You shut up! I do not! Oh yeah?" That'll show 'em. Right hand. "I do not suck!" Right. Mysterio back up with a right on the distracted Rico, Rico immediately back with a right, Mysterio right, Rico spin kick, steps over into a spin kick to the chin - nice. Into the ropes, Mysterio ducks, Rico brings Mysterio up - catches him on the shoulder - and powerslams him down. Rico's bringing a lot of moves to the table which surely means he has no chance in hell of winning - perhaps all this primping between moves will contribute to his downfall. Rico finally climbing the corner - now up top - moonsault....MISSES! Mysterio comes back - seated dropkick - whip into a gutshot - off the ropes - body scissors into the bulldog gets 2. Into the corner is reversed, but Mysterio is up and on the shoulders, then pulling the head into the turnbuckle. Out to the apron - springboard into the split-legged moonsault - yep a DOUBLE springboard - gets 2! Pull up the reply while Mysterio stays on him with - nope, Rico sneaks one in - into the corner, Mysterio up and onto the shoulders, but THIS time Rico blocks the headscissors takeover and gives Mysterio a backbreaker. Rico winds up for a roundhouse kick, but Mysterio DUCKS it and dropkicks him in the back! Rico winds up somehow in perfect position for the 619, so of course, Mysterio gives it to him. It's quickly becoming academic - springboard - West Coast Pop 'rana - 1, 2, 3. (5:33) Replay, yep.

Back to the Stephcam where Hardcore Holly has her cornered. "Steph, it's like this. *I* deserve to be in the #1 title contender series. I'm Hardcore Holly, nobody TOUGHER than me, nobody MEANER than me. It doesn't matter to me if it's Mr. Macarena Eddie Guerrero. It doesn't matter to me if it's Blubberbutt Rikishi. I deserve to be in the #1 title contender series!" Meanwhile, Dawn Marie has appeared. "Miss McMahon - Miss McMahon, that phone call you've been waiting for? They're on the phone right now." "Thanks, Dawn. Bob, I'm really sorry - we have to take this up later." She disappears, leaving Bob to hit on Dawn. "A phone call. What PHONE CALL is more important than Hardcore Holly? There's no phone call more important than me!" Damn, he didn't kiss her or NOTHIN'!

Did you know Chris Benoit's theme is on the "Forceable Entry" CD? Well, we don't hear it long. Here's a voiceover: "For my entire life, I've been denied - but I WILL not deny myself. I've torn ligaments, shattered bones, broken my neck, but those aren't the scars that feed my anger and fuel my rage. Keep your praise, your music videos, your cliches - they mean NOTHING. The pain, the anguish and the torture I go through was hell - and for my enemies...now it's your turn. I was born to hurt, and you will FEEL MY PAIN." AVAILABLE NOW

"Hulk Still Rules" DVD ad

Take a look at the Moheegan Sun casino!

Let Us Take You Back to Last Monday for the first stop on the Smack Down Your Vote - wait, I did this clip during RAW

Stephanie's on the phone and presumably not minding that we're watching. "No, I understand. I saw the way you were treated on RAW last Monday night, and I guarantee you the same would NOT happen here on SmackDown! ... No, Dawn can deliver the papers right now. You're in the hotel, right? It's connected to the Arena. She's on her way - how is your suite, by the way?" Knock at the door - Matt Hardy is in uninvited. "Hey, Stephanie - Stephanie - am I still facing the winner of the Eddie and Rikishi match? I gotta face Brock!" After mouthing "shut up" to Hardy a couple times, Stephanie turns her attention back to the phone. "No, I'm sorry, that's nothing. Listen, all you need to do is just sign the papers and give them to Dawn. ... Yes, no, then then - hello? Hello?" Hardy's hung up the phone. "I gotta talk to you, Stephanie!" "You stupid son of a--" "Look, this is important, I've gotta talk to you!" "You have NO idea what's important! Ohh....God." "This is important, it's my life!" "It *is* your life." "Yes." "It will be your life tonight, because tonight, in a nontitle match, you wanna face Brock Lesnar so bad, you've got him!" "Yes! YES! That's all I need, that's the first step. Yes!" "Get out!"

Meanwhile, MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD stands backstage with Keesh. "Good. Because after being F-5'd a few weeks ago, I got some unfinished business to take care of with the Next Big Thing - and I'm talkin' about pinnin' Brock Lesnar 1, 2, 3 - you see, givin' him a PIECE - of the KEESH. But before - hey, what?" Guerrero is in hysterics. "Hahahaha - ahaha - a piece of the Keesh - ese, ese vato I mean come on, man you're funny, holmes. What are you talkin' about ese vato, takin' on Brock Lesnar? Oh oh oh wait a minute, wait a minute, ese - I get it - (something in Spanish) - in other words...your diaper - it's a little too tight, don't you think, holmes? It's kinda cuttin' the blood, circulation, ese to the head? Oh oh oh, wait a minute, wait a minute...that's your (ass). And speakin' of that, holmes...pull your HEAD out of it. DON'T DISRESPET ME, ESE! Tonight, you're gonna take on Latino HEAT - not Brock Lesnar." "Yo ese - how do you say, in Spanish....Back that (Ass) Up?" Everybody leaves - except Loyd, who makes a face

Fozzy ad - remind me to bring you up to date on the sales numbers on Monday, okay!

And now, the WWE Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! I am BREAKING IT DOWN! From Earlier Tonight, Guerrero advanced by virtue of sneaky trick and frog splash

#1 CONTENDER SERIES: EDDIE GUERRERO (already in the ring - El Paso, Tejas - 228 pounds) v. RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pounds)
referee: MIKE CHIODA
Lockup, jostling for position, Keesh shoves him away. Lockup, side headlock by Guerrero...Keesh powers out, shoulderblock is by Keesh, which deviates from the ol' standard formula, but makes sense. Keesh with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine, right, right, into the corner, follow lariat - Guerrero flumps and it seems a BIT early for that, but Keesh is in - but Guerrero slides under his legs before he can properly situate his backside. Keesh blocks again, right, right, scoop but Guerrero is on his feet - and dropkicks the knees. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - hmm, looks like he's targeting the left knee. Up and over the top and making sure to get the left knee on the way down. Kick - knee into the steps - rolled back into the ring as Chioda gets to 6 - stomp. Grabs the leg and applies a modified anklelock, trying to torque the knee - Keesh uses the good leg to kick him away, but Guerrero is right back with a stomp to the left knee - 1, 2, no. Guerrero winds up for a kick to the back of the leg. Kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right, right, blatant choke. Chioda not having much luck holding him back. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Keesh fires back - right, right, block, right, into the ropes - Guerrero foolishly tries for the sunset flip, then wisely evades the big sitdown. Guerrero looks like he's seen something he surely didn't want to see. Recovering, he hooks the leg for 2. Guerrero back to the ankle as we take the replay. Guerrero works on twisting the knee at an unnatural angle - Keesh grabs the hair and Chioda won't let him do it. Keesh with a chop, chop breaks the hold, one legged man, he is - Guerrero right back to kicking the back of the knee. Right hand, right, right. Guerrero stokes the crowd...then runs in - but nobody's home! Keesh right, right, into the ropes, axe bomber, standing powerbomb - Guerrero into the corner and Keesh into Guerrero - into the opposite corner, this time Guerrero ducks the onslaught, but Keesh stands ready - RIKISHIKICK! Hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3! Holy smack! (5:03) Almost immediately, CHRIS BENOIT is out and on him - double sledg, kick, kick, kick, forearm in the back - DEATH SUPLEX!! Stomp, stomp, stomp, Guerrero joins him for a doubleteam stompdown. Benoit directs him to the top as he continues to stomp. Guerrero is feeling froggy and ready - Benoit has turned him on his stomach - FROG SPLASH! Benoit adds a crossface as soon as Guerrero's off of him - Guerrero back to stomping. Time for a save to be made, and it's EDGE answering the call - Guerrero takes "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, stomp, Benoit gets a right and clotheslined out - lunges at Guerrero but he's outta there. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH MY DURANGO

"Baseball sucks and WWE don't" spot

TV-PG-DLV "Hey Benoit! Chris - it's obvious by what you just did to Rikishi that you're even more mad at yourself for losing the intercontinental title to RAW than I am. So you really wanna take out that anger? You really wanna take out that aggression? Then I'm entering you into the #1 Contender Series - let's see how you do one on one against Rikishi. You're next." "He's done - he's DONE!" No kisses yet

TAJIRI (Japan - 206 pounds - with Jamie Noble & Nidia) v. SHANNON MOORE (Cameron, North Carolina - 195 pounds - with Hurricane...and Let Us Take You Back to Last Week)
referee: Sparks
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey it's Moore's SmackDown! singles debut! Kick by Tajiri, arm wringer, pounds the arm, hammerlock - Moore reaches back for the takeover - Japanese armdrag (I think), armbar, pounds the arm, into the corner reversed by Tajiri, Moore up and over, superfluous backflip, arm drag, viscera, 2. Moore stays on him - whip is reversed, Moore ducks, swung up - and Tajiri hangs him out to dry on the top rope - big clothesline down after he makes it back to his feet. Stomp, stomp, onsale crawl, snapmares him over, BIG kick between the shoulder blades. Tajiri applies the headlock. Moore eventually back to his feet - gutshot, gutshot, forearm in the back by Tajiri. Moore down the back on the scoop - to the ropes, Tajiri shakes him off, then FLATTENS him with a superkick as Moore tries to run in. Moore placed on top - Tajiri kicks the back of the head, kicks, squeals and dropkicks the back of his head - 1, 2, no! Two more quick shots in the back. Tajiri signals to the crowd - BIG ol' uppercut kick. Snapmares, him over, again we have a headlock - forearm in the back, again. Mount, right, right, right, cover, 2, no. Tajiri climbs the back and applies the...camel/cobra clutch combination! Wow, CCCC. No submission, so Tajiri drapes him over the second rope and puts his knee on the back of Moore's head. Stomp. Tajiri slaps him in the face - and again to put him on the mat - 1, 2, foot on the rope! Scoop...and a slam. Squealy kneedrop gets Tajiri 2. Tajiri back to the headlock - is Moore's lip busted open? Crowd comes alive - Moore back to his feet - elbow, elbow, Tajiri with a forearm in the back. Moore right, right, right, right, right, right, slap, chop, chop, into the ropes is reversed, Moore slides under - standing switch by Tajiri, brings him up but Moore backflips and lands on his feet, Moore ducks, off the ropes with the back elbow, off the ropes with a somersault neckbreaker, 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out! Moore puts Tajiri in the corner, but Tajiri puts ihim on the apron as he comes in - BUT Moore grabs the hair and puts Tajiri down on the mat! Moore up top - leaps off and looks like he hurts HIMSELF more with the Frankensteiner, but still covers - Tajiri in the ropes but Sparks counts 1, 2, no. Tajiri right back with a kick. Into the ropes, handspring elbow attempted but Moore meets it with a catch - Tajiri flips out of the German suplex and folds up Moore with a German suplex of his own - bridge - 1, 2, no!! Tajiri back on him - stomp - scoop...Moore fighting from Tajiri's shoulders - lands on his feet - Tajiri waistlock - Moore back elbows to get out - off the ropes but Noble ankles him (while Tajiri tugs on Sparks). But Hurricane flies in from the steps with a clothesline on Noble! Hurricane punching away despite his cape getting in the way - Noble sits Hurricane on the apron, punch blocked, Noble shoved away, and Tajiri slides in with a dropkick to Hurricane that takes HIM out - back to Moore - KICK is ducked, Moore leapfrogs, Tajiri tries a waistlock but Moore rolls forward and has him in position - 1, 2, 3!! (6:35)

UP NEXT: Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi - #1 Contender Series!

"NWO: Back in Black" is this month's Fanatic Series presentation! (Or is it? It sure ain't on iNDEMAND)

And now, the Whack of the Night! Tobacco is Whacko! From Earlier Tonight, Keesh advances - then goes down to Benoit - will he go down to Benoit...NEXT?

#1 CONTENDER SERIES: RIKISHI (already in the ring - American Samoa - 350 pounds - with SmackDown! is brought to you by WWE.com's i wanna go! sweepstakes brought to you by Whacko Tobacco, Lugz, and Maxim Hair Color) v. CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta - 229 pounds)
referee: Korderas
Keesh tries to catchBenoit from the git - right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, back elbow by Benoit puts him down. Benoit stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp - pounds the left shoulder, right, right, every blow to the shoulder - right, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, Korderas up to 4 so they have a few words - Keesh coming back - right, right, Samoan Drop! But he comes up clutching his shoulder. Korderas asks him if he wants to continue, and he says yeah. But Benoit is right there - CROSSFACE!! Will Keesh tap out so soon? He reaches for the ropes - and starts the slow, slow crab crawl towards the rope. Benoit makes noise but it isn't enough to keep the hold on - as Keesh does grab the bottom rope. Benoit drops the elbow - rolls him to the centre and AGAIN puts the crossface on! KEESH TAPS!!! Awesome. (2:21) Commentators are told the next match is the final one in the series. Who will Benoit face?

Another new Stacker 2 ad - Trish Stratus introduces Stacker 2 Lite. I introduce it to my FUHFUHWID

Commentators shill THE NEW UPN - man, I'm sure gonna miss that ol' circle triangle square...

Loyd's caught up to Kurt Angle. Is he concerned that his name hasn't come up in this series? "First things first, Mark. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to Snow White and the other six dwarves for beating their hero Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam. I mean, after the beating I gave him, I'm sure that's gonna be the last time that Rey Mysterio ever (displays medals) MEDDLES in my affairs." Loyd suggests Mysterio almost beat him several times in that match. "Shaddup! Now as far as this elimination series goes, haven't you ever heard the expression 'save the best for last?' Huh? Well that's exactly what Stephanie McMahon did. Because I just received word from Stephanie herself that tonight, I will face Chris Benoit for the #1 Contender spot - and after I beat the Rabid Wolverine - the man who once harboured my precious gold medals in the confines of his genatalia (which is pretty sick) - after I beat Chris Benoit, then it's on to face Brock Lesnar - and Brock may be the youngest champ in history...but he's certainly not the best...as he'll find out soon enough - and as Chris Benoit will find out, right here tonight. Oh, it's true. It's damn true."

Meanwhiler, standing in front of that EXCITING door... "This is FUNAKI - SmackDown! NUMBER ONE announcer. Here to get interview with new WW - hey hey Mr. Heyman Mr. Heyman!" "Get your hands off me, man!" "I'd like to get interview with Brock Lesnar?" "You wanna interview with Brock Lesnar - the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar - the Undisputed Champion Brock Lesnar. You want to bother Brock Lesnar when he's getting ready for a match? You want to interrupt Brock Lesnar when he's getting ready to display that aggression in the ring? You want to interrupt his training? You want to get him out of his mindset, Funaki, that's a great idea, and you're the man for the job, let's go knock on the door and bother Brock Lesnar right now, Funaki!" "Oh no - no no - maybe Funaki come back later." "No no no, let's do it now Funaki, let's bother Brock, let's disturb Brock... Lesnar." It's Matt Hardy! "Hello, Funaki! If Brock doesn't wanna talk, then I'll talk. You see, tonight is a very special night, because it marks a new era in the WWE - and oh no, it's not the era of Brock, it's the era of Matt Hardy. You see, no longer will this era be referred to as WWE Attitude - from here out, it's WWE...Mattitude! Get it." He walks away, leaving Heyman dumbfounded. "You know something, Funaki, ya learn something new every day. I just learned that Matt Hardy has a DEATH WISH. Brock, you're not gonna believe this one..."

"WWE Live: The Moments Are Waiting" spot

See the superstars of SmackDown! LIVE! when they come to YOUR! area! Saturday, Corpus Christi! Sunday, Dallas! Monday, LaCrosse! Tuesday, Green Bay! Saturday, DC! And Sunday, Cleveland!

KING BROCK LESNAR (Undisputed champion - Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295 pounds - with Paul Heyman) v. MATT HARDY (Cameron, North Carolina - 233 pounds) in a nontitle match
referee: Chioda
Somehow, I can't see this one going too long. Hardy gets shoved over the top to the outside in mid-pose and we're away early. Stomp, stomp, stomp, back into the ringpost, rolled into the ring, Lesnar follows - back rammed into turnbuckle. Let's take a Replay of the beginning of the match while Lesnar repeatedly drives his shoulder into Hardy's gut - that's three of those. Lesnar is a freight train - but Hardy gets the knee up! He's going to try it here - right, left, right, left, shoved away, back elbow up on the charge, but tries a clothesline out and Lesnar blocks it, then sweeps the leg and clotheslines him down. Stomp by Lesnar. Short clothesline. Stands on his neck and tries to yank the arm out of its socket. Another short clothesline following the replay. Lesnar just playing with him now - slap, slap. Picks him up - going to the well once too often with the short clothesline and Hardy ducks it - schoolboy - 1, 2, NO! Lesnar up, Hardy ducks, right, left, right, Lesnar with a belly-to-belly with a release and Hardy sails across the ring. Hardy tries a right - Lesnar with a forearm in the back. Into the opposite corner. Snap powerslam. Hardy nudges his head with his boot. Again. One more. Lesnar dares the crowd to boo him. Lesnar runs at Hardy - but Matt lowers the bridge and Lesnar goes outside! Lesnar up top - leaps to the floor but CAUGHT...trying to ram him into the ringpost but Hardy goes down the back and it's Lesnar hitting the post! Hardy back in the ring - seated dropkick and Lesnar's head hits the buckle! Gutshot - Twist of Fate...is easily reversed into the F-5 - oh my. Count to a thousand - or if you like, stop after 1, 2, 3. "This match *sucked* because Lesnar didn't bust out his shooting star press WHEN'S HE GONNA BUST OUT HIS SHOOTING STAR PRESS" is what some idiot probably said. (3:41) Message sent to the winner of the next match? Replay. You know, we're kinda lingering here - I wonder if he'll...yep - apparently angered by Hardy still being able to give the v.1 hand signal, Lesnar goes back to the ring and forearms Hardy back off his feet. Back in the ring - powerbomb - DOUBLE powerbomb! Play his music again! Give him more replays! So who's he facing? Find out next!

Back to Stephanie. Dawn returns - and presents a signed contract. "Well you know what this means, Dawn? It means that tonight's main event is no longer a singles match, Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit. Nope, tonight's #1 Contender's match now becomes a Triple Threat. So Dawn, why don't you get Eric Bischoff on the phone, I wanna make sure he's watching when one of his superstars walks out of RAW and joins the SmackDown! main event."

And now, the Extreme Blast of the Night, ROCKED by JVC's Tower of Power (and we ain't talkin' horns)! From Earlier Tonight, Benoit picks apart Keesh's arm and likes it

#1 CONTENDER SERIES: CHRIS BENOIT (already in the ring - Edmonton, Alberta - 229 pounds) v. KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. ?
referee: Hebner
Benoit shows no surprise when ring announcer TONY CHIMEL announces that this match is "now a Triple Threat match." Boy, I think Angle's entrance is the first pyro we see on this show all night! Hey one more look at STEFFO lucky you "Allow me to introduce to you the next competitor - a legendary superstar that I just signed to SmackDown! - ladies and gentlemen, the phenom, THE UNDERTAKER!" Somehow - SOMEHOW those steps MAGICALLY rise up away from ringside as Taker takes the lap on his beautiful Bourget Python bike. "There's a new sheriff in town!" Damn skippy boyee. Angle decides to go straight at Taker, and Benoit joins him - the numbers take over and the doubleteam kick/punch combination continues. Double whip into the opposite corner - Benoit gets a big boot as he comes in - Angle clotheslined down. Benoit in the corner, back elbow, Angle opposite corner, avalanche, back to Benoit for an avalanche, Angle put into the ropes, big back body drop, Benoit runs into a sidewalk slam. Big boot for Angle - NOOO Angle drops down and lowers the bridge and Taker ends up crotching himself on the top rope. Angle grabs both legs and kicks up at him while Benoit comes over with an axehandle. Benoit kick, kick, leg over the second rope and both men work the leg. Doubleteam stompdown in the corner. Hebner counts but there's always one man on Taker. DOUBLE DEATH SUPLEX!! Dizzouble dizzeath! Dizzouble dizzeath! Taker at the ropes - double clothesline puts him on the floor - and Angle turns on Benoit with a takedown! Going for the ankle - but Benoit grabs the arm - stalemate. Both men up - Angle with a German suplex - TWO - back elbow by Benoit - BENOIT German suplex - TWO - Angle back elbow, back elbow, waistlock go behind - THREE - Benoit back elbow, he tries the waistlock but Angle drops down and grabs the ankle! Benoit wastes no time getting to the ropes before he can cinch it in - Angle gets up and stomps, stomps, stomps. Right. Forearm in the back. Angle in control and Taker's nowhere to be seen - whip is reversed and Angle goes sternum first...and backs into a German release suplex that FLIPS ANGLE ONTO HIS STOMACH - holy shit - Benoit covers - 1, 2, Taker in to break it up!! Head to the buckle by Taker, back elbow, soupbone, "Shut up!" for Hebner, soupbone, into the opposite corner, scooped up...and snake eyes down, off the ropes with a BIG BOOT, shoves Angle off the apron, hooks Benoit's leg, 1, 2, NO! Taker gives the international sign of the Last Ride and puts Benoit in position...but Angle is in at the apex and chop blocks Taker to the mat! Two men down, Angle has a chair. Hebner meets him on his way in and vigorously protests...completely failing to notice that behind his back, Benoit too has a chair - WHACK! Benoit then gives Angle a shot to put him on the floor (!) - covers Taker - 1, 2, ANGLE PULLS HIM OUT! Angle in, hooks the leg, 1, 2, NO!! Benoit runs back in - Angle flips him with a belly-to-belly overhead release suplex! Stomp - Taker runs Angle to the outside, but Benoit is up behind him - German suplex! Wants two but Taker elbows out of the waistlock - got the choke - CHOKESLAM! Cover - 1, 2, Angle pulls him off by the ankle and has the Anglelock applied! Taker to his feet - flips Angle out! Clotheslines puts him outside! But Benoit locks in the crossface!! Taker is close to the ropes but not close enough - crowd is proud and loud but Taker isn't getting any closer. And now Angle is in and HE applies an anklelock!! Cole wants to know who wins this thing if Taker taps - Angle doesn't seem sure enough to press the issue, releasing his hold to put a forearm in Benoit's back. OLYMPIC SLAM NO! Benoit lands on his feet - Angle runs in and Benoit puts ANGLE in the crossface!! But somehow Angle rolls back and reverses into the anklelock! Benoit shows all his teeth (and places missing teeth) but slowly inches to the rope...reaches - reaches to tap? No! GRABS THE ROPE! But Angle pulls him back to the centre! Benoit won't let him get it in this time, though - rolling to his back and kicking off Angle...into a schoolboy from Taker! 1, 2, NO!! I think he was tangled in the ropes anyway...Taker waiting for him - Angle ducks, gutshot, OLYMPIC SLAM!!! "Wooo!" DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Seeing Benoit up, Angle runs at him but Benoit (almost) belly-to-belly suplexes him over the top rope to the floor! Benoit still limping on the affected ankle, ohhhh Taker is up - gutshot! LAST RIDE POWERBOMB! Cover - 1, 2, 3!! (8:50) Did you notice nobody could win a second match tonight? Taker pins the guy in his second match, who pins the guy in his second match, who pinned the guy in his second match. (Poor Edge. Poor Angle.) Here's your replay - Cole notes that if Angle hadn't broken the anklelock to go after Benoit, who knows WHO could have won (who wasn't The Undertaker) and doesn't THAT makes you say "HMMMM." Taker's driving back up the ramp - credits are up - and we are out!

Lord have mercy WRESTLING WRESTLING and more WRESTLING and this show is getting SO much better that if only they'd lose Stephanie I could have the perfect - PERFECT - show! Can you believe it? I can't!

CRZ
[slash] wrestling