UPN! Turn it UP(N)!
TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW - new UPN Logo!
Go read last week's SmackDown! report Long story short,
The Awesome Undertaker Who Was Awesome
Closed captioned logo - Opening Credits are Beautiful, People! Wow, so
much Rock and Hogan considering we'll see about ZERO of them tonight
SOAPYRO! Coming to you from the Resch Center in Green Bay, WI (gooooo
Packers!) and SAP transmitido en espanol 5.9.2 (taped 3.9) on THE NEW
UPN and the Score, THIS is WWE SmackDown!
Undertaker and Brock Lesnar go FACE to FACE! Wait, isn't one of
them a heel? Ohh
REY MYSTERIO (San Diego, California -
175 pounds) v. BILLY (Austin, Texas
- 269 pounds - with Rico & Chuck - and Let Us Take You Back to Last
Hahaha Chuck is two hundred and
SIXTY-NINE pounds hahaha SIXTY-NINE GET IT GET IT GET IT hey looks like
there's been an addition to the staging - a vertical, flashing
"SmackDown!" sign. Billy from behind (ha ha ha), stomp, stomp, stomp.
Right hand. Mysterio is wearing sky blue this week and matching the
ropes. Another right hand from Billy. Blatant choke using the knee and
the second turnbuckle. Into the ropes, Mysterio ducks, slides under, but
ends up on the wrong side of a tilt-a-whirl slam. Back to the stomp,
stomp. Take the Replay of the slam 'cause we're hard up for action here.
Gutshot - blatant chokery - Hebner pulls him off after 4. Into the
opposite corner, Mysterio up and onto the shoulder, so Billy gives him
Snake Eyes for 2. Mysterio tries to punch back, right, but Billy pokes
the eyes. Hard into the corner, then puts a forearm in the back as he
backs out. Tazz sneaks in a line about how Billy & Chuck love the home of
the Packers (ooh! EDGY). Mysterio finally catches fire after backflipping
out of a death suplex attempt, then dropkicking Billy in the knees.
Mysterio off the ropes - oops, into a big clothesline from Billy, well
never mind. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Billy checks his knee - guess it's
okay. Stands on the throat for 4. Half camel clutch, holding the rope at
the same time. Crowd is bored enough to chant "Rico sux!" Billy with a
neckbreaker. Please let's make this match even slower. Mysterio is tired
of waiting - right, right, right, Billy with a knee. Mysterio into the
ropes, but he springs off the second rope and spins into a flying
headscissors! Ducks a clothesline, springboard dropkick. Billy happens
onto the second rope which can only mean it's time for the 619 - but he's
stopped as Chuck halts him in his tracks, pulls him out of the ring and
drives him down with a clothesline. Rico, on the apron to chat with
Hebner about the new UPN logo, drops off as Billy hooks the leg - 1, 2,
no! Billy pulls him up - hard into the corner, right hand, gutshot, right
hand - I could make ice cream between moves here. Right hand. Let's see
how long a sentence I can ahh okay whipped him into the corner, into the
ropes, brought up - but Mysterio reverses and rolls up Billy with a body
scissors - 1, 2, 3! (5:04)
Cole called him "Rey Rey," be afraid.
Here's a Replay of the final manoeuvre. Coming back, Rico has THE (heh)
STICK: "I know - Billy, Billy, I know. I know it, it's okay, just calm
down. I know, wait a minute. Don't worry about it, it's all right. I
know you did this for me, I know, but wait. After tonight, this is gonna
be the greatest moment in your career - well, no, no, wait a minute - this
is gonna be the single greatest moment in your life! Is what-- Chuck,
Chuck...it's time. Chuck, come on. It's time now. Come on in here.
Come on, Chuck. Now's the time. Come in here. Come on. I know, I know
we talked about it but now's the time. I know - now's the time. Billy,
Billy, come here. Don't worry 'bout it. Chuck - Chuck has something he
wants to talk to you about. No, no wait a minute, wait a minute. Chuck
has something he wants to ask you. Chuck...time is now. I need you to
ask him." "(deep breath) Billy--" "Well, wait a minute, wait, before you
ask him, before you ask him...Billy, I might need you to back up a second,
just hold on, bear with me. God, I'm so excited-- I can barely even
contain myself. Hold on - Chuck, before you ask him, I want you to dig
deep into those tights. I want you to dig DEEP and pull out the LOVE.
It's okay! It's all right. I want you to pull out the love." Chuck
fishes...and produces a...ring box? "All right, Chuck, I want you to ask
him. I want you to ask him. ...wait wait wait! Before you ask him, I
want you to get down on one knee. Come on, Chuck! Come on. One knee.
That's it. Are you ready? Take a deep breath. Okay, Chuck...ask him!"
"Billy...I know we've been partners in the ring for a long time...and uh,
I was just wonderin' - I want you to be my partner for life." It IS a
ring! Billy is taken aback. Crowd is...taken aback. Rico holds the mic
to Billy. "Billy?" "Yes!" "YEEEAH he said yes! He said yes!" Billy
let's him put the ring on. "Oh he said yes! Oh yeeeeah! Wooo hoo!"
Big hugs all around in the ring. "I am so happy!" Play their music!
Tazz says it's great that they've decided to extend their tag team
partnership for so long - so Cole explains it to him. Cole KNOWING makes
it funny on a different level, doesn't it? Billy shows his ring to the
Here's a Special Video Look at the segment we've just seen
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: JAMIE
NOBLE (champion - Hanover, West
Virginia - 200 pounds - with Nidia - AND SmackDown! is brought to you by
Foot Locker, Maxim hair colour, and Clearasil!) v. SHANNON MOORE
(challenger - Cameron, North Carolina - 195 pounds - with Let Us Take You
Back 2 Weeks - and Last Thursday)
bizarre reason, during Moore's entrance they switch films on the entryway
screen to the "Velocity" treatment - and then switch it back to SmackDown!
as the match starts. (Maybe they never planned on needing a non-Velocity
entrance for him? That seems remarkably shortsighted, though...)
Lockup, arm wringer by Noble, Moore flips out and nips up, reverses, Noble
rolls out, cartwheels, to a hammerlock, reversal by Moore, backed into the
corner, Noble elbow, elbow, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp. Noble calls to
the crowd. Moore fires back - right, right, right, right, right. Into
the opposite corner is reversed, Moore up and over, Noble hits sternum
first as Moore goes for the superfluous backflip - hiptoss as Noble runs
in, viscera, 1, 2, no. Moore off the ropes - Nidia grabs the ankle and
distracts him - Noble runs in but gets upended to the apron - Noble
blocks, right, but Moore comes back with a dropkick through the ropes that
puts Noble on the floor. Here comes Moore - somersaulting up and over and
onto Noble with the hilo! Back in the ring, 1, 2, no. Noble sent hard
into the corner, then Moore is in with a heel kick. Off the ropes but
into a hard clothesline from Noble. Noble goes to work - stomp - picked
up for a death suplex into a sidewalk slam combo. Into the corner, picked
up and driven into the corner a second time. Picked up and dropped into
the backbreaker. Leg is hooked, 1, 2, no. Noble puts a knee in the back
and directs his attention to Nidia holding the belt. Right hand. Noble
slaps him, Moore shoves back, they trade forearms, Moore right, right,
into the corner, boot up by Noble on the charge, but runs into another
heel kick by Moore. Noble's up first but Moore lands the right, right,
into the ropes, back elbow, gutshot, Moore off the ropes with a somersault
neckbreaker. 1, 2, no! Whip into the corner is reversed but Moore
springs off the second rope with a moonsault - 1, 2, no! Moore picks him
up for a chokeslam/spinebuster combo - Moore climbing up top - ANOTHER
moonsault - 1, 2, NO! Nidia is rather animated! Noble reverses, gutshot,
double underhook but before he can finish the move Moore slips out, ducks
the clothesline, on the shoulders, tries the victory roll but Noble sits
back, 1, Moore reverses, 1, 2, kickout! Moore blocks, right, right, into
the corner, reversed, but Moore is out of the way and Noble shoulders the
post! Moore is already out onto the apron and climbing the corner...going
for the cannonball but Noble manages to block and put him down powerbomb
style. Noble has him in the double underhook again - tigerbomb! 1, 2, 3!
(5:10) I think
the best part is just hearing Tazz and Cole say
"tigerbomb" and knowing it's REALLY going to piss off a few people who
NEVER like hearing the name of that move.
We head backstage where Heyman is addressing the champ. "Brock, I KNOW
your mind is focused on this face to face with The Undertaker tonight, but
I implore you, do not take Randy Orton lightly. You came up through the
system with this kid - he understands your ins and outs, he's a third
generation wrestler, he knows you better than almost anybody, he trained
with you, he sparred with you, he's 20 years old. Randy Or--" Orton
shows up and moves Heyman aside. "Hey Brock - I'd listen to your agent if
I were you. Now I do respect ya...but I don't sweat ya." Heyman is agog!
Lesnar is...less so. "Well, you will."
Undertaker, Edge & Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit & Eddie
"Hulk Still Rules" DVD ad
Stacker 2 ad (Bubba Ray Dudley)
See the WWE live! Saturday, DC! Sunday, Cleveland! Monday, Mankato!
Tuesday, Minneapolis! And Sunday, Billings!
Edge is WALKING! He spies Rikishi modelling his shirt. They slap hands
and Edge proclaims Green Bay home of the cheeseheads - AND Edgeheads.
"See what I did there? Cheesehead, Edgehead." Keesh cocks his head but
doesn't hear the crowd (heh). He asks if Keesh is gonna back it up
tonight, 'cause it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. "Hold on, man.
Hey lemme lemme lemme straight this out something. See, the stinkface
wasn't meant to be funny, Edge. The stinkface is SYMBOLIC. You see this
here? Let me show you something. You see this? See, this ass here
represents the ass of life. You see, people like me, people like me,
'kishi, has been gettin' the ass of life for a long time, and it stinks.
So every now and then, when I wanna let them feel how I feel...I let 'em
smell this ass. Givin' them a PIECE...of the KEESH. So you're damn
right, tonight, Rikishi backs that ass up." They do another high five
handshake dealy and head their separate ways.
KING BROCK LESNAR (Undisputed champion
- Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295
with Paul Heyman) v. RANDY ORTON (St. Louis, Missouri - 240
Orton wastes no time trying to take it to Lesnar
- elbow, right, right, knee by Lesnar, forearm in the back, again, again,
rapid-fire, again, into the ropes, scooped but Orton goes behind and lands
on his feet, forearm to the back, kicks the back of the leg, kick, kick,
knee by Lesnar, forearm in the back, forearm. Into the corner, Lesnar
jumps over the charge and hits the schoolboy for a quick 2. Ducks the
swing, kick, elbow, kick, but Lesnar wraps him up and there's a
belly-to-belly overhead release WOW. Heyman: "Do you sweat him now?"
Lesnar goes back to the Happy Dance and I think the flurry is over. Take
the Replay of the throw. Knee in the gut by Lesnar. Orton tossed into
the corner and he goes OVER, hits the top of the post with his face and
goes SPLAT on the floor. Lesnar out after him - stomp. Replay of Orton's
spectacular fall. Lesnar puts Orton back in the ring, then nudges him
with his boot. Orton tries to fire back - forearm, forearm, forearm
blocked and Lesnar hits a back heel trip/clothesline for 2. Tazz says
that's a jiu jitsu takedown and I won't dispute it. Another nudge with
the boot. In the corner, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. It's all Lesnar.
Knee in the adjacent corner. Whip into the opposite corner, then follows
up with a big shoulderblock in the gut. Lesnar dares him to pull himself
up - then scoops him up...Orton down the back, but Lesnar hits the back
elbow. Lesnar almost runs into the boot, but catches it, then makes a
sandwich of Orton using the turnbuckle and his clothesline. Stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp. Lesnar stands on his neck, actually bending him backwards
over the bottom rope - Chioda reaches 5 but just pulls him off instead of
disqualifying him. Orton scooped up - and rammed into the turnbuckle back
first - then run all the way across the ring to ram him into the opposite
corner. Lesnar again pokes his head with his boot. Orton pulled up -
kneelift. Orton tries a right, right, but Lesnar puts him back down with
a forearm in the back. Scoop...and Lesnar drops down to his knees, using
his shoulder to act as the gutbuster. Scoop...Orton elbow, elbow, elbow
back to his feet, forearm to the back, dropkick, forearm, grabs a headlock
and drops down for a modified backbreaker from a snapmare position -
climbs up top - plancha but Lesnar rolls through, hangs on and swings him
into the fireman's carry - and down with the Key on My Keyboard. 1, 2, 3.
makes a big deal of Lesnar absorbing a crossbody from a 240
pound man and still rolling him over into the F-5, and the replay acts as
Mark Henry is WALKING! Spying Chuck & Billy, he...congratulates them with
a handshake! Hmm, maybe Henry is *curious*...
And now, the WWE Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From Velocity,
Mark Henry presses Albert and drops him. I guess he was wearing boots at
After signing his SmackDown! contract, Crash thanks Stephanie for the
opportunity. She thanks HIM for humiliating Eric Bischoff. Eep. As he
leaves, there's a knock at the door - it's Reverend D-Von. He's downright
appalled at one man getting on his knee and asking another man to-- hmm,
nobody will come out and actually say it tonight. He thinks it's wrong,
it's a sin! "You're just gonna have to deal with it, D-Von. Because
Billy & Chuck left my office just a few minutes ago. Billy & Chuck
requested that their commitment ceremony (hmm) take place one week from
tonight In That Very Ring, here on SmackDown!" D-Von says the Bible says
Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve. "D-Von...lower your voice when you speak to
me. It is immoral for a person to go around impersonating a man of the
cloth. Now you better get over your petty concerns about other people and
focus on your match tonight against Batista. Now get out of my office."
"But--" "No buts. I've got business to take care of."
(Silsbee, Texas - 353 pounds) v. TAJIRI
(Japan - 206 pounds)
Well, Cole finally
said "same sex marriage" so I guess it's out of the bag after all. Tajiri
ducks the charge and kicks the back of the leg. Repeat - Tajiri adds an
uppercut this time...then puts himself underneath the top rope, fearing
reprisal. Tajiri points to his head in the international sign of
smartitude! We start again. Henry manages to get a hold of him, and from
the headlock, knees him, forearm in the back, into the ropes, quick press
and drop. Tajiri rests on the second rope, which you know means it's time
for the Chocolate Moose! Commentators are back to calling it that again,
by the way, for which I'm quite happy. Tajiri into the ropes, ducks the
clothesline, tries the handspring elbow but Henry forearms him in the back
before it lands. I guess this is a big man/little man story here...Henry
grabs Tajiri on the apron, but he kicks him through the ropes - tries the
sunset flip but Henry ain't leaving his feet - slaps the hands to break
it. Tajiri up, kicks the back of the leg, kick, kick, spin kick - off the
ropes with a squeal and a seated dropkick. Tajiri stays on him - stomp,
stomp, jumps into the kneedrop. Press, barely gets 1. Tajiri winds up
for the KICK - but Henry blocks it, shoves him into the corner - Tajiri
gets up the gutshot and tries for the tarantula but AGAIN Henry's legs
aren't moving involuntarily - Henry turns round, picks up Tajiri and drops
him in a "Japanese pancake" (Tazz). Up on the shoulder - big powerslam
and Bob's yer uncle - 1, 2, 3. (3:07)
UP NEXT: Face
to face! Undertaker and Brock Lesnar! Taker and Stephanie
(our moderator) are already at the table - when we come back, the champ
will join them for this Very Special Interview.
Take a look at the BRAND NEW Resch Center in the shadow of Lambeau Field -
the third televised event in the building is SMACKDOWN!
The graphic don't lie - the main event of Unforgiven is The Undertaker vs.
Brock Lesnar for the WWE Undisputed (ha) Championship! Let's go to that
big, big interview.
Starting with a closeup on the belt, we pull out to see the table, the
moderator, the principals...and the agent standing behind Lesnar.
Gentlemen, this is incredibly exciting. The main event for
Unforgiven - the WWE World Champion, exclusive to SmackDown!, Brock Lesnar
- versus the #1 Contender, the Phenom, also exclusive to SmackDown!, The
Undertaker. Brock, you're the champion...let's start with you.
Lesnar: I don't have a lot to say. I'm not one to boast about myself.
You see, I've always let my actions speak louder than my words. Starting
back to hmm - my amateur career. Four-time All-American, two-time Big 10
Champion, 2000 NCAA heavyweight champion. And then, let's see. Not even
a year in the business, and I come to King of the Ring and win it - no
problem. And then, I crucify Hulk Hogan. You see, I take Hulk Hogan's
blood, wipe it with my hands, and wipe it across my chest, why? Because I
loved every minute of it, that's why. And then came SummerSlam - The
Rock, the great one - yeah, and that's when I brought this baby home. I
am the WWE Undisputed Heavyweight Champion. And tonight, I went out and
...brutalized Randy Orton - didn't even break a sweat! You see, I'm
twenty-five years old - 25 - the youngest WWE Champion in HISTORY. How
old are you?
Undertaker: (chuckles) Twenty-five years old. Twenty-five years old, and
you're on top of the world, aren'cha. I look in your eyes... and I see
it. It's that look that says nobody can beat me, nobody can touch me.
You know how many times I've seen that look? More times than I can count.
Brock, you are...one impressive young man. Very impressive from where I
sit. But from where I sit, along with that youth that you're so proud of,
I see inexperience. Yeah, you've done it all, right? You beat Hulk
Hogan, you beat the Rock - NCAA champion - son, you ain't been tested yet.
You haven't been taken where I'm gonna take you at Unforgiven. You see,
Brock - you talk about and you brag about how you wiped Hulk Hogan's blood
all over ya. Have ya ever had to wipe your own blood out of your eyes?
Have ya ever felt down and felt ribs stickin' out where they were broken
and wonderin' where your next breath was gonna come? And figure out how
you were gonna win a match? No, of course not. You know why? Because
there ain't no one beat you up yet. That's gonna change. That's gonna
change real soon. Because I'm'o take you someplace that you ain't ever
been. I'm gonna beat you up, I'm gonna bust you up, and then...if you
survive that, then you MIGHT have somethin' to brag about. Life makes no
exceptions...and neither do I. To me, it's all about the fight, Brock -
and you ain't had those fights yet. At Unforgiven...your ass is mine,
Heyman: Are you done?
Yeah, I'm done.
Well I just wanted to make sure that you were finished (applauds) that was
very, that was just brilliant! I mean, here is Brock Lesnar - 25 years
old, a grappler, a purist, the best on the face of the planet...and here
you are...the badass, the baddest of them all. But if you analyse -
let's analyse this for a moment. Brock Lesnar is driven, he's focused on
you; while you, sir, are distracted by your...family situation at home.
You need to keep *your* focus, Paul. This is about business. It's got
nothing to do with family or anything else.
Paul, this *isn't* about family.
But I beg to differ, it's ALL about family, I mean - to my client,
that's family - the world's championship he trained day in and day out to
defend that title against you, sir - but you not only have to train for
Brock Lesnar, you have to tend to your pregnant wife Sara at home.
Paul...I'm telling you again, this is business. Now you need to watch
where you're going.
(leaning across table) Where I'm going is this, just so that you
understand, because I, I really want you to, to understand this
because...if anything happens to you in this match - if my client does any
irreparable harm to you and you can't provide for your family, I want you
to know - the giving man that I am, I will definitely take care of your
lovely wife Sara, but I *refuse* to take care of your unborn child.
Taker shoves away Heyman and upends the table but Lesnar stands up to him.
Heyman grabs him and pulls him back. "C'mon, Brock... please - Brock,
please - Brock, please...Brock, please..." Taker gives us his intense
face as we fade to black.
Time now for the WWE Burn of the Night, coming atcha thanks to Stacker 2!
From last week, Batista clotheslines D-Von, then gives him the powerbomb.
REVEREND D-VON (Dudleyville - 247
pounds - with TV-PG-DLV ratings box) v. BATISTA (Parts Unknown - 313
We'll have to wait
and see if they've FINALLY decided on a weight for Batista or not; I think
EVERY time he and D-Von teamed they announced a different total weight.
Also, the website says "Deacon Batista" weighs in at "275 pounds" so he
sure put on those 38 pounds fast after removing his suit! D-Von doesn't
wait to strike - right, kick, kick, right, right. C'mon, boy! I made
you! I made you!" Right, chop, right, into the opposite - no, he doesn't
move - gutshot, right, whip is reversed, brought up with a double choke -
and dropped. D-Von heads outside and Batista moves Hebner away to go out
after him. D-Von has the chair but Batista punches him before he can
swing it. Batista grabs the chair - he and Hebner have a tussle over it,
meanwhile D-Von finds ANOTHER chair underneath the ring - WHACK in the
back as Hebner puts the first chair away. Everybody back in the ring -
D-Von off the ropes with the elbowdrop - 1, 2, no. Foot in the chest,
kick, off the ropes - caught, but lands on his feet - Batista ducks, knee
in the gut, powerbomb - that's his move! 1, 2, 3, wow. (1:46) Compare this squash to
the almost five and a half they gave the Lesnar/Orton squash - that's the
difference between "protected" and "depushed."
Backstage, Nidia and Noble are ready to leave. Nidia thinks Billy &
Chuck's wedding is so romantic... "...you ever think WE'RE gonna get
married?" "Oh, baby, I luv you..." as they hug, Noble rolls his eyes
"...'course we'll get married, we'll have the best wedding in the trailer
park!" "Baby, you're so sweet. I luv you Jamie Noble!" "I luv you,
Fanatic Series ad
When we come back, Matt Hardy is showing a tape to Shannon Moore. "Duck -
dodge - dominate. Man how awesome is this? I mean, I went toe to toe
with Brock Lesnar, the WWE Champion. And if you think the reaction sounds
loud through this TV screen, you should have been there last week live,
because it was DEAFENING. So watch close! See that, see how I roll him
up? Technique, drop down. See Shannon, I exist to inspire. And the
whole reason I brought you here is to watch this video, and to watch me
wrestle Hardcore Holly tonight. Because in you, Shannon, I see potential.
You know I saw your match tonight. And it was good - but you lost. Hey,
but hold that chin up, listen to my advice, follow my leadership and one
day I think even YOU may have the Mattributes to go toe to toe with the
WWE Champion." Holly walks up. "Hey Matt - uhh, looks like you left some
footage out of your highlights there." "What would that be?" "Like when
Brock Lesnar F-5'd your ass for the win." "(laughs) Well it looks like
SOMEBODY'S a little jealous that their SmackDown! star isn't shining QUITE
as bright as mine." "Star, huh." "Absolutely." "Well let's just see how
bright that star's gonna shine against me tonight in the ring." "I guess
we will!" "(slaps his chest) See ya out there." "It looks like Mr. Holly
needs a double dose of Mattitude."
Meanwhile, Guerrero admires Angle's medals, asking how much he could get
for them at the pawn shop. Guerrero says he won't take it easy on Rikishi
tonight - he robbed him of his #1 Contendership at the hands of his ass -
err, yeah. Tonight, he gets some revenge, ese! "Well, you just hold on a
second there, HOLMES. If anyone was robbed of the #1 Conteder spot last
week, it was me!" "You?" "Oh yeah. I mean, if it wasn't for your
gap-toothed pal Chris Benoit - yeah - I would have pinned The Undertaker
(which I've done before) and I'd be the one to face Brock Lesnar at
Unforgiven for the Undisputed title. Oh, it's true." Guerrero asks him
why, if he's so bad, he didn't win last week? "Listen here, Cheech--"
"Ese - the name is not CHEECH - holmes - it's Eddie Guerrero." Benoit
starts to walk up behind them. "Whatever. I mean, did you not see the
match last week? Huh? Helloooooo? Well, did you not see your *amigo*
Chris Benoit, the Rabid Wolverine? Did you not see him get pinned by The
Undertaker? I mean, there's no way I'd EVER let these Olympic shoulders
get pinned to the mat by some redneck biker. I mean, Chris Benoit, the
Rabid Wolverine. Ooo hoo... My butt! More like...the rabid puppy dog!"
Guerrero eggs him on. "OR or or or or - or, or, the rabid chihuahua!
You like that one? Or, all right, let's see...the rabid...the rabid..."
Benoit starts to guffaw behind his back. Who says he doesn't have
personality? "Whatchoo got to say now, holmes?" "So you believe you're
BETTER than me? (laughs) You think you can beat me? Do you think you
can make me TAP? (laughs again - then stops) Prove it - PROVE IT."
Guerrero steps between them, asking them to save it for the match, when
they'll need it. "Tonight, the war is out there!" They walk off, leaving
Angle to ask "Was it something I said?"
Yep, that was the entire segment.
Commentators shill UPN's "Haunted" & "The Twilight Zone"
MATT HARDY (Cameron, North Carolina -
234 pounds - and Minneapolis
SmackDown! hype) v. HARDCORE HOLLY (Mobile, Alabama - 234
Lockup, schoolboy by Hardy for 2. Hardy holds his
fingers close together to indicate how close it was. We go again, lockup,
side headlock by Holly, Hardy to the ribs, again, powers out, tries a
hiptoss but Holly counters with a backslide for 2. Holly makes the "this
close" hand signal but Hardy pops him with a right - hey, that's poor
sportsmanship! Hardy stomps, right, right, right, right, right, right,
Holly right, right, Hardy, Holly, right, right, into the corner, elbow up
by Hardy, swinging neckbreaker out, 1, 2, no. Onsale crawl during this
match, yeah. Holly pulls Hardy out through the ropes -
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine" on the apron - and rams Hardy's back
into the ringpost. Now Holly is out on the floor as well - big chop on
the floor. Right hand. Replay of the whip into the post. Everybody back
in the ring - Holly stomps on the back. Death suplex coming up - 1, 2,
no. Forearm in the back by Holly. Backbreaker across the knee - leg is
hooked - 2. Holly still in control - forearm across the back. Sat up on
top, shot in the back, climbing up after him - Hardy elbows back, elbows
him out of the corner, stands up top - moonsault! 1, 2, no! Both men up
about the same time - Hardy right, Holly answers, Hardy, Holly, Hardy,
Holly chops, right is ducked and Hardy executes the Side Effect - but only
gets 2! Hardy questions the count but goes back to work - wants the same
move but Holly spins into a back elbow to break out - then wheelbarrows
him into the Best Crotch Kick in the Business. Powerbomb coming up - 1,
2, NO!! Hardy sent into the corner - boot up on the charge by Hardy.
Ahhhhhhhdrop - 1, 2, Hardy kicks out! Hardy does his best "frustrated"
face. Into the ropes, Holly ducks, Hardy off the ropes, Best Dropkick in
the Business, Holly covers, 1, 2, NO! Holly wants the Alabama Slam, but
Hardy reverses to a rollup - 1, 2, no! Hardy ducks a swing, gutshot,
Twist of Fate attempt is shoved away - Hardy swings and misses, Holly
grabs a waistlock, Hardy drops down with a rollup and pulls the tights, 1,
2, Holly reverses back and HE holds the tights - 1, 2, 3!
vociferously protests but there's no escaping the conclusion after we're
provided with a replay - once again, Mike Chioda has screwed Matt Hardy.
Backstage, FUNAKI has caught up with
Rico and his celluar phone. "Funaki wants comment!" "Comment, what
comment?" "Okay. Next week, Billy and Chuck are going to get
married...so Funaki wants to know, what we are going to see?" "What
you're going to see? Oh, you won't believe it. his is going to be a
spectacle - an experience. A *happening*. This commitment ceremony will
be the event to end all events - and *you* will not believe your eyes,
Funaki. And I am going to make it my personal mission to make sure
everything comes off MARVELOUS. And I hope you will be there, too,
Funaki! Because not only am I going to be planning this event, but I'm
going to be standing up for Chuck! Yeah. And also...I'm gonna be Billy's
best man. So if you'll excuse me, there is so much to do...and not enough
time." He walks off, leaving Funaki...confused. "This is Funaki -
SmackDown! #1 Announcer - reporting."
Crash is WALKING! He happens 'pon Hardcore Holly walking the other way -
and extends the hand. Hardcore...shakes it! "Good luck." "Thanks,
The WWE Rewind is brought to you by Foot Locker's House of Hoops - from
RAW, Crash pulls a fast one on Bischoff, making Jeff Hardy's beatdown at
the hands of Jamal & Rosie a big, big misunderstanding.
CRASH (Salisbury, North Carolina - 217
pounds) v. THE HURRICANE (Parts
Unknown - 215 pounds)
Lockup, waistlock by Crash,
shoves him away. He's FEISTY! We go again - lockup, waistlock by
Hurricane - Crash with a back elbow - runs into the choke, they switch
places in the corner, Hurricane right, right, right, Tree of Woe,
Hurricane stands on his genitalia! Scoop...and a slam. Hurricane up top
- plancha! 1, 2, no. Side headlock - Crash with two quick shots to the
ribs, powers out, ducks a Hurriane clothesline and gives him a hot shot.
Death suplex. Crash stomps, stomp. Signalling for a suplex - but it's
blocked, blocked, right by Hurricane, right, reverses out, ducks a Crash
clothesline and gives him the Eye of the Hurricane! Hurricane with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, into the ropes, jupming
clothesline, back elbow, head to the buckle, on the second rope for a Buff
Blockbuster ("what a neckbreaker!") and the "shining wizard" kick for 2.
Crash sent into the corner - Crash sidesteps the avalanche. Hurricane
evades the spear, though, and Crash shoudlers the post. Hurricane out and
climbing the opposite side of the post - forearm across Crash's chest - up
top, pulling Crash to his level - super swinging neckbreaker from the top
rope back into the ring! But that took a lot out of BOTH men - Sparks
(and most of the fans in the front section) apply the count. At 8, both
men stir and the count stops - Hurricane giving the international sign of
the chokeslam and DOES apply the choke, but Crash drops down and rolls him
up - 1, 2, 3! (3:50)
Tazz says it's a "Peterson roll" and damned if I'm
about to argue with him on this night, especially since I know the names
of exactly zero high school wrestling moves (and also own zero Ben
Peterson videos). Post-match sees a Sportsmanship Handshake from
Hurricane - how honourable!
UP NEXT: Our
Stacker 2 ad (Trish Stratus)
KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -
237 pounds) and CHRIS BENOIT & EDDIE GUERRERO (457 pounds) v. EDGE
(Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds) and RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pound)
and THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER (Houston, Texas - 305 pounds - on his beautiful
Bourget Pyton bike)
I wonder what Angle did to have to wear that scarlet letter "A" on his
chest - man look like a big ol' candy cane. It's Angle and Rikishi - but
he wants Taker. "Angle sux!" Taker extends the hand...and gets the tag!
Here we go - lockup, arm wringer by Taker, shoulder drive, yanks and
cranks on the arm, Angle strikes back with a knee, right, right, right,
into the ropes, reversal by Taker, big boot! Off the ropes with a big
legdrop - 1, 2, no! Man that NEVER works. Taker ready for the
choke...but Angle falls backwards and makes a tag to Benoit. Benoit ducks
the soupbone, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, kick, kick, kick, kick,
Korderas pulls him off and that's all Taker needs, switching positions
with Benoit in the corner, soupbone, left, soupbone, soupbone, measures a
back elbow. Tag to Keesh! Right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed,
but Keesh barrels him over with a clothesline. Benoit runs in - but falls
into a uranage/sitout powerbomb combo. Free shot for Guerrero - then
Benoit shoved into Guerrero - Samoan drop! Tag to Edge! Guerrero in (I
guess that collision was also a tag) - Edge's clothesline is ducked,
Guerrero right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, Edge ducks,
flying jalapeno by Edge! Scoop...into a powerslam. Into the ropes,
one-armed flapjack. Head to the buckle, Edge climbs up for a Ten Punch
Count Along, but at four, Angle climbs up and drops him on the top rope.
Taker heads out after Angle and they walk around the ring until Korderas
somehow manages to restore order. Inside the ring, Benoit may have joined
Guerrero in a doubleteam on Edge. Back to one on one - Guerrero with an
elbow the back of the head, forearm/elbow to the side of the head, repeat,
very fluid looking, and a snap suplex that turns into a brainbuster.
Wow! 1, 2, no. Kick between the shoulderblades - and a tag to Angle.
"Eddie sux" turns to "Angle sux" - right hand by Angle. Big death suplex.
1, 2, no. Angle grabs a handful of hair and tags Benoit - held open for
the kick. Right hand by Benoit. Kick, chop, backbreaker, cover, 2. Tag
to Guerrero - trademark springboard swandive senton in as Benoit holds
him. Stomp. Guerrero is shuffling! Elbow. Into the ropes, Edge ducks,
but Guerrero is ready with a dropkick. Tag to Angle as Korderas keeps
Taker from coming in. Stomp by Angle. Snap suplex gets Angle 2, Taker
breaking it up. Angle snapmares him over and applies the headlock. Edge
fights it as the crowd approaches molten - elbow, elbows out, off the
ropes, ducks the swing but Angle catches him on the way back in the
belly-to-belly! Angle points to Taker...and to the crowd. But Edge
reverses the whip, gutshot - Edgecution! The DDT spiked Angle and both
men are out. Wow, Cole actually brings up the old hair match between
these two - that kind of continuity will make my eyes bug out. See my
eyes? Ah. Just as Edge even nears the vicinity of a tag, Benoit is in
and running across the ring to shove Keesh off the apron - Korderas puts
him back as Angle tries to pull him back - but he lands an enzuigiri - and
tags in Taker! Guerrero also gets a tag - eats a soupbone, soupbone,
soupbone for Benoit, soupbone, put into a corner, avalanche, runs to the
opposite corner to splash Benoit, catches Angle coming in, scoops him up -
and drops him in Snake Eyes! Off the ropes, Angle ducks the clothesline
and grabs a waistlock - Taker back elbow, back elbow and Angle staggers
backwards, only to find Keesh back in the ring - BELLY-to-belly! Taker
awaiting Benoit - choke - but before the chokeslam, Guerrero uppernuts him
from behind. And Benoit is up - German suplex on Taker! Guerrero runs at
Keesh but gets upended and put out of the ring - RIKISHIKICK for Benoit -
Angle from behind with a single leg - and the ANGLELOCK! But now Edge is
back in - forearm to the back of the head, into the corner, SPEAR, but
Guerrero clotheslines Edge (and himself) out of the ring. This leaves two
men in the ring - Keesh with a fat ass splash on Angle...there's the
flump...there's the stinky face! Benoit back in - forearm from behind,
shoulder into the ringpost, and tossed out. Benoit pauses to laugh at
Angle - but Angle isn't amused. They meet nose to nose and chest to chest
in the ring - Guerrero in, trying to separate them - Benoit shoves him
aside and goes for Angle but Angle's ready with a right - Benoit ducks the
next right and grabs his arm, going for the crossface - but Angle grabs
the ankle - but Benoit rolls and takes Angle through the ropes and out of
the ring! Benoit goes out after him. Angle with a double leg takedown -
and a WOW Catapult into the ringpost! Meanwhile, a livid Guerrero is
watching all this - but ends up with his back to the now THREE men in the
ring behind him. Guerrero suddenly stops and does a mental count - and
makes a fabulous face as he realises - slowly turns back to check, then
turns his head back to us as he confirms his worst fears. Guerrero turns
round and attempts to smooth talk his way out of it, even putting an arm
on Keesh's shoulder and describing the situation between his tag partners.
Guerrero makes the "Well, time for me to go" motion, but Keesh doesn't buy
it. Guerrero tries a right, but Keesh is the master of
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," Guerrero pinballs to a right from
Edge, then a soupbone from Taker. Spear by Edge! Korderas has issues
with all these illegal men in the ring but nobody cares. Keesh wedgies up
and Edge shoves Guerrero's face in a none too nice place. All that's left
is the legal man - the chokeslam - aaaaaand the 1, 2, 3. (11:02) Taker gives respect
to Keesh and Edge - they each climb a corner, bookending Guerrero's
carcass in the centre, where Taker makes the international "I want da
belt" sign, then raises both arms to the sky - credits are up and if Vince
thinks RAW is better than THIS show, I swear I'll slap him myself - outta
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