Hey, new UPN Thursday bumper! Who cares?
TV-PG-DLV Attitude - Entertainment - WW
OH BOY IT'S ONE OF THOSE MAX HEADROOM HOMAGES! "I'm Stephanie McMahon
Stephanie Stephanie McMahon and you're watching SmackDown!
Smack!Smack!Smack!DownDownSmack!Down. Tonight tonight, the most popular
show in sports entertainment presents Edge Edge, after his huge victory
last week over Eddie Guerrero Eddie Guerrero and tonight, t-t-t-tonight,
Edge Edge takes on Kurt Kurt Angle K-K-K-Kurt Angle. Plus, The Undertaker
dead man walking The Undertaker has been challenged by Matt Hardy Matt Matt
Hardy to a falls count anywhere anywhere falls count anywhere match, and
Chris Crippler Benoit the rabid rabid wolverine will step into the ring
tonight and for the first time anywhere anywhere will go one on one with
Rey Rey Rey Rey Mysterio Mysterio. And starting tonight, a tournament, a
tag team tournament for these WWE tag team titles. The new champions will
be crowned at No Mercy No No Mercy, and the first round starts right...now.
Right...now." Seriously, how DO the post-production guys keep a straight
face when they show this to Stephanie and convince her it looks GOOD?
(Answer: Stephanie probably doesn't watch it - hell, she probably doesn't
even watch the show)
NORO! Coming to you from the Cajundome in Lafayette, LA 3.10.2 (taped
1.10), this is episode #165 of WWE SmackDown! and we can't waste any time
because the music is already playing...
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT -
ROUND 1: EDDIE & CHAVO GUERRERO (El
Paso, Tejas - 441 pounds) v. THE WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN MARK HENRY & RIKISHI
(already in the ring - 678 pounds)
Los Guerreros rush the ring and get the jump from behind, but the tide
quickly turns when double whips fail - double reversal - Henry and Keesh
trade corners for a fat ass splash/chocolate avalanche combo. Eddie ducks
the Rikishikick but backs into a press by Henry and thrown into a crossbody
on Chavo - Keesh with a double clothesline as Sparks puts Henry in the
conrer. New tag team belts, what a joke - oh sorry. Eddie assumes the
fighting stance but he's trapped in the corner - finally ducks the swing to
get out - right, right, right, right, free shot by Chavo, dropkick by
Eddie. Gutshot by Eddie, elbow. Later tonight, Billy & Chuck take on
D-Von & Batista in another Round 1 match. Whip is reversed, Guerrero
ducks, starts to slide but hits the brakes when faced with the mighty ass
of the Keesh. Eddie tries a sunset flip - AGAIN ducks away from the mighty
ass. Chavo makes a blind tag, Eddie takes a hip toss, Chavo takes a Samoan
Drop. RIKISHIKICK for Eddie - and Henry takes the tag! Chavo tries to
escape but Henry pulls him back in by the tights. How can Tazz say they're
the biggest team ever when we ALL know the Natural Disasters tipped out at
over 800 pounds?!? Chavo ducks, right, no sale. Right is caught...and
Henry keeps the fist palmed until he can pull him out to the floor - Eddie
in - pressed up...rep, rep, rep, ohhh Chavo with a chop block behind Sparks
back. Chavo goes to work - stomp, stomp, stomp. Pulled to the rope - leg
laid across the bottom rope and Chavo sits on it, Potsie. Eddie grabs the
ankle and wraps it around the rope while Sparks warns Chavo. Chavo stomps
again. Still has the left leg - kicks the back of the leg, kick, kick,
knee, tag to Eddie for the springboard senton. Stomps the leg, stomp,
elbow to the head, knees the knee, leg and ankle hold - Henry slaps the
chest, again, and Eddie relents. Eddie with an elbow. Whip ain't
happening - Henry pulls him into the ropes, then hits a powerslam on the
way back. Henry is a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, and you all
know what that means. Eddie dropkicks the leg. Tag to Chavo - doubleteam
stomps, seated dropkick by Chavo. Stomp, stomp, elbowdrop on the knee,
kicks the back of the leg, kick, Henry kicks him away but into a tag for
Eddie. "Eddie sucks" chant isn't helping - stomp, stomp, stomp - Eddie
cups his ear! Haha - Eddie suckers Keesh into coming in JUST as Henry
crawls to the tag - Sparks holds him back while Chavo comes in to continue
to stomp on the bad leg. Eddie grabs the leg again - brings in Chavo to
help drag him away from Keesh - this brings Keesh in and Sparks can't stop
him - right for Chavo puts him on the floor, right for Eddie, right, right,
right, Eddie finally ducks low enough for Sparks to assert himself.
Henry's managed to reclaim the vertical base - right, right, ohhhhhh Chavo
in with a Gillooly of the chairshot variety! Sparks, again, was busy with
Keesh and his back was turned. Guerrero applies a deathlock, but Henry is
so massive he can't bridge back - instead, he puts a shin in the back.
Henry has no choice but to tap. (5:16) Eddie points to his
head to let
you know this match told a good story...well, something like that. Replay
of the final chairshot - which I guess Sparks can't see. The trainer is
out to check on Henry as the Guerreros head back...
Stacker 2 ad (Bubba Ray Dudley) - isn't selling ephedra-free Stacker 2
kinda like selling citric acid-free lemons?
See the WWE live! Tomorrow, Boise! Saturday, Sacto! Sunday, Reno!
Monday is RAW in Vegas, and Tuesday is Phoenix!
Let's watch that chairshot one more time - at least this time
they also show the tapout decision
DURING THE BREAK!
Keesh and trainer had some trouble helping the
350 pounder to the back
Torrie and Al Wilson are WALKING! Coming across Billy & Chuck, Torrie
introduces them to his father, but they're straight now so they're not
interested - just kidding. They're REALLY interested because they want to
get in her pants! Dawn Marie saunters by as Torrie wishes them luck in
their upcoming tag team tourney match. Dawn introduces herself to Al, then
wishes Torrie good luck. Is Al wearing lipstick? He DOES watch her walk
Meanwhile, Brock Lesnar admires his belt shot on Taker from last week's
show. Heyman seems tired of watching it. "Brock, please, listen to me.
I've spoken to Stephanie every single day of the past week. Brock...you're
gonna have to give The Undertaker a rematch at No Mercy. Stephanie won't
listen to reason - and it's not just gonna be a regular rematch, oh no no
no no no. No, Stephanie's gonna add a special stipulation to this
match...and get this cliffhanger. I've called her every single day this
week; she won't tell me what the stipulation is. I mean, she's such a
*McMahon* - I mean, I've tried every single--" "I'll tell you what kind of
match it ISN'T gonna be..." It's Matt Hardy. "It isn't gonna be another
falls count anywhere match - because after what you did to The Undertaker
last week - it will look like NOTHING - the blood, the guts - nothing
compared to what I'm gonna do to The Undertaker this week." Heyman is
suitably agog. Brock is hungry.
Meanwhile, Taker adjusts his headband (presumably to cover his open wound)
- and then he's W-- DRIVING!
No Mercy ad - Kane vs. Triple H, champion vs. champion hyped. I'm gonna
miss that ol' intercontinental title.
Two ad breaks in the first fifteen minutes? There must be a long match (or
interview) coming up!
The WWE Boot of the Week is brought to the streets and taken down Lugz
style. From last week, Taker pins Matt Hardy following the Last Ride, but
Brock gets in that big, bad belt shot immediately afterward
THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER (Houston, Texas
- 305 pounds - on his beautiful
Bourget Python bike) v. MATT HARDY (Cameron, North Carolina - 234 pounds)
with falls counting anywhere
Hardy tries to evade the grasp but fails. Cole adds that there are no
disqualifications either. Soupbone, soupbone, left, soupbone, soupbone.
Kneelift. Soupbone! Stomp. Hardy rolls to the apron - Taker on the apron
and there's a big guillotine legdrop. Taker pulls him out, then whips him
into the timekeeper's table. Soupbone! Soupbone! Thrown across the
commentary table, and somehow Cole manages to keep his headset on. Hardy
put on the table - Taker climbing up on top - got the goozle - but Hardy
kicks him in the nuts so no chokeslam. Twist of Fate attempt - Taker
shoves him off the table and he bounces off the barricade! Taker back on
the floor - running clothesline puts Hardy over the top and into the crowd.
Taker follows and the cameraman attempts as well. Soupbone - Hardy kicks
the gut but Taker's right back on him - soupbone! Hardy eats a gutshot -
and another soupbone. Hardy staggering back - into another soupbone - and
it looks like they're about to head backstage. Hardy throws a beer in the
eye - NO SALE! Hardy catches sight of that angry look - and runs backstage
pronto. Taker out after him, Hebner, cameraman, you and I
following...adjust white balance, thank you - Hardy tries a sneak attach
with a flurry of punches, but Taker hits the kneelift, puts Hardy into a
heavy case, again, into the wall, three uppercuts to the body. Soupbone!
"You *deserve* this (beep) kicking!" Hardy runs away! "We'll meet again,
Taker - we'll meet again!" Hahahaha - Hardy tries to leave, but the door's
locked! "Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, boy - c'mere." Hardy decides to
try to hop a cyclone fence - Taker starts to climb after him but Brock
Lesnar appears with a forearm in the back! Taker reverses, shoving LESNAR
into the fence, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone, left, soupbone, soupbone,
soupbone, soupbone, thrown into the opposite fence - but Hardy is up from
behind with forearms - Taker knee, into the fence, Lesnar from behind - got
him up - F-5 NOOOOO NOT ONTO THE DEADLY POPCORN!!!!!!! Suspend your
disbelief with me. Hardy hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3! Matt Hardy is AWESOME!
Lesnar and Hardy take off. "You beat The Undertaker! You
beat...Brock? Brock? Let's go." Taker is pulling himself up but Lesnar
wants another piece. Grabbing a propane tank, he SLAMS it into Taker's
right hand! NOOO THAT'S HIS SOUPBONE HAND Taker drops down and screams
and screams and screams. Finally satisfied, Lesnar talks away. Taker also
whips off his bandana to show off his bandage. And we leave him there for
the ad break...
Survivor Series ad - Saliva will be performing - I CAN NOT WAIT (actually
I'll probably miss the show...hmm)
Slow motion (with sound) of Lesnar breaking Taker's hand -
and once more in real time
Taker refuses help from the trainer. MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD
on the scene but nobody's talking. Aha, the trainer's name is Larry! He
says he doesn't know what's up but he's going to try to talk Taker into
getting some X-rays. He suspects it's broken. (Wait, they said that
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: JAMIE
NOBLE (champion - Hanover, West
Virginia - 200 pounds - with Nidia - AND SmackDown! is brought by Universal
Pictures' "Red Dragon," JVC's Tower of Power HX Series, and Subway!) v.
CRASH (Salisbury, North Carolina - 214 pounds - with SmackDown! in Phoenix
Lockup, nope. Again, arm wringer by Noble, Crash revereses to one of his
own. Noble rolls out, cartwheels out, and reverses. Crash to a knee.
Crash rolls out, nips up, and reverses - Noble says "hell with this" and
knees him. Crash put into the corner headfirst. Forearm, shoulder in the
gut, whip into the opposite corner, elbow up by Crash, but Nidia grabs the
ankle, distracting Crash long enough to let Noble come in with the knee.
Stomp, stomp, stomp. Bionic elbowdrop gets 2. Into the corner, and Crash
collapses after hitting back first. Noble picks him up and again rams his
back into the corner. Choke on the second rope until Korderas pulls him
off. Crash tries to fire back with body shots, but Noble connects with a
knee. Snapmares him over, elbowdrop to the small of the back, again, hey I
think he's focusing on the back. There's a camel clutch - wow, old school!
Crash tries to fight back and does free an arm - now standing up with Noble
on his back - and backs him into the corner. Noble comes back with a
waistlock - Crash elbow, elbow, breaks it, catches the kick, the spins him
into a discus lariat! But Crash is still feeling it in his back - ducks a
swing from Noble, whip into the ropes, back elbow, clothesline, lariat,
into the ropes, press and drop, going for the Crash Landing (Styles Clash)
but Nidia's on the apron - everybody's distracted except Noble, who grabs a
waistlock, standing switch and Crash runs Noble into Nidia - they back up
and Noble rolls back and grabs the tights - 1, 2, NO! Crash bridges out -
1, 2, NO! Gutshot by Crash - going for the Crash Landing but Noble wraps
up the leg - frees himself but Crash pounds the back - wants the Oklahoma
Roll but settles for a sunset flip - no, Noble sits back - AND grabs the
rope - 1, 2, 3! (3:35)
Looks like Korderas just wanted a chance to see if
Nidia was okay....well, maybe not.
Loyd stands backstage with Kurt Angle. Does he regret the offensive
comments he made towards Rey Mysterio? "Regrets? Marc Loyd, I want you to
listen to me very carefully. I'm the best wrestler in the WORLD. And
bein' the best means never having to say you're sorry. I didn't lose to
Rey Mysterio last week - Chris Benoit did. And if I was a betting man, I'd
say that Benoit loses to Mysterio again tonight - and why? Because Chris
Benoit is a regular person. And regular people make mistakes. But when
I'm in that ring...I'm like a....Mozart symphony - or a Renoir painting.
I'm as close to pure perfection as you can get. And that's what I want
these people to remember. Every time they think about chanting 'you suck'
to me, I'm a freakin' work of ART. And when I go...well, if it isn't my
opponent tonight. You got something to say to me? Come say it to my
face." Loyd backs out as Edge walks in. "You don't suck, Kurt, but you're
not perfect." "Well these shiny gold medals say that I AM." "Yeah?" "Oh
yeah." "Well that shiny bald head of yours is proof that you're NOT."
"Heh heh....you know somethin' Edge...ever since you've shaved my head,
I've been waitin' for this moment for a long, long time. I think we're
next. After you." "Oh no, after you, I insist." Angle starts off - but
then turns back and lands a sucker punch on Edge. They're NEXT!
Man, that backstage set is so 1999, isn't it? The last piece of the time
tunnel, preserved for all time...I don't know why I noticed that just now.
Let's move on
Booker T shills "Hungry-Man XXL" - man, I'm no nutritionist, but I'm PRETTY
sure that if you eat a pound and a half of food EVERY night, you get REALLY
And now, the WWE Burn of the Night, coming at you courtesy of Stacker 2!
>From last week, Eddie Guerrero manages the sunset flip powerbomb off the
ladder, but it isn't enough to put Edge away - the Edgecution from the
ladder IS enough to get Guerrero down for three.
KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -
237 pounds - with Earlier Tonight)
v. EDGE (Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds)
Just like at the beginning of the show, we have NORO for Angle - pyro costs
MONEY, folks - fake smoke is cheaper, though, so Edge's entrance is okay.
HERE WE GO! Lockup..Angle walks Edge to the corner - Edge reverses -
neither man breaks until 4 and Chioda isn't happy. "Angle sux!" chant is
early on. Lockup, single leg by Angle, to a waistlock - Edge manages to
unlace Angle's knucklelock and reverses - takedown by Edge!! but Angle
quickly reverses to a hammerlock. Edge reaches back but there's no hair to
pull, heh heh. Edge DOES manage to reach back and grab a leg trip, but
Angle kicks him away. Angle runs into an armdrag and Edge applies an
armbar. Angle back to his feet, Edge with an arm wringer, reversed back by
Angle, to a side headlock. Edge powers out, I bet Angle shoulderblocks him
- yep. Up and over, leapfrog by Edge, hiptoss by Edge! Dropkick! Into
another armdrag and back to the armbar - good pace early on. Edge drops
the leg on the left arm, then applies a keylock. Is he working the arm?
Angle goes between the legs and barrels over Edge, keeping him down for 1,
2, but Edge kicks out and STILL has the keylock applied even through all
that. Angle DOES grab the hair but Chioda puts the kibosh on that. Edge
back to his feet, Angle to a knee - Angle with a knee in the gut to break
it up. Angle going to the shortcuts first with a right hand, and another
right. Whip into the ropes is reversed, back elbow by Edge, armdrag by
Angle, and Angle shows some frustration. Edge again keys the lock with the
left arm. Angle back to his knee a little quicker this time. They head to
the ropes, but instead of a clean break, Angle drags Edge's back across the
rope, then when they hit the corner, Angle starts stomping - gutshot,
again, stomp, right hand, right, right, right, Chioda finally gets between
them and shoves off Angle. Angle's pretty smug about the whole thing -
until reaching the corner again, where Edge reverses - open handed slap,
kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Into the ropes is reversed by Angle,
Edge ducks, there's a viscera right on the money! Edge hooks the leg and
gets 2. Angle put into the corner, but Edge gets dumped on the apron when
Edge runs in - but Edge grabs the left arm and yanks it onto the top rope
on his way to the floor! Angle goes outside clutching his arm...and Edge
follows. The chase is on - Edge caught him, and catches him with a forearm
in the back. Back in the ring - shoulder-first into the post goes Angle.
Angle again goes outside. Right hand by Edge, maybe he's showing
frustration as well. Back inside and Edge applies the armbar. Angle still
has his right arm free, though - right, right, steps in, fireman's carry
and drops Edge to the floor!! Chioda moves outside to check on Edge while
Angle tries to shake his left arm back to life. Angle outside - and drops
him on the barricade! Angle back in to stop the count...back out, stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp. Edge rolled back in as the crowd starts getting on
Angle again. Angle back in with a field goal kick - three points! Suplex
coming up - 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Angle helps him up - then elbows him
down. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Edge has the momentum here - but the right is
blocked - Edge fires back with a right of his own, right, switches
positions in the corner, right, whip into the corner is reversed, boot up
by Edge on the charge, but runs out into a belly-to-belly release suplex by
Angle! Hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO! Edge comes up clutching his ribs -
aftereffects of last week's match with Guerrero. Angle snapmares him over
and applies a sleeper AND body scissors - very neat. Angle uses his jaw as
a weapon, applying pressure to the temple. Angle is *unbelievably* great.
Edge tries to grab the left leg and undo the body scissors...but the
sleeper is still on him. Edge tries to roll into the hold - slowly back to
his feet - gutshot - again - Angle breaks the hold - but Edge reverses the
whip attempt and DRIVES a knee into the ribs! Angle with ANOTHER field
goal kick. Stomp on the ribs - stomp - lateral press - 2. Edge is feeling
the pain - and this abdominal stretch (OLD SCHOOL!) won't help matters any.
Angle adds some elbows to the exposed ribs. Edge is trying to get out and
it looks like he DOES have a hold of Angle's left leg - he manges to untie
the legs and hits the hiptoss! but clutches his side again. Angle reverses
the whip, but Edge catches the knee for a rollup - 1, 2, NO! Edge right
back up with a knee - and a death suplex! Angle hooks the leg - 1, 2, NO!
Edge has a few words with Chioda, then drops down for a seated bearhug -
again applying a body scissors for moooore paaaaaain. Edge is fading fast
- desperation time - again pulling apart Angle's legs - back elbow, back
elbow, back elbow breaks the hold! Everybody back on their feet - Edge
right, into the ropes, Angle ducks, but Edge catches him with a
belly-to-belly release suplex! But that may have been all he has. Both
men are down and Chioda starts the mandatory ten count. NOBODY is moving.
Six....seven...Tazz is begging for SOMEBODY to get up. At nine, both men
pull themselves up by the ropes. Angle right, Edge, right, Angle right,
Edge right, Angle, Angle, into the ropes, Edge ducks, flying jalapeno!
Clothesline! Clothesline! Into the ropes, big back body drop! Edge is
FEELING IT - Angle runs into the half nelson faceplant - 1, 2, NO!!! Edge
can't believe Angle got out of it - but even worse, Angle drives ANOTHER
knee into the ribs. Death suplex but Edge flips and lands on his feet -
duck, SUPERKICK by Edge, wants the spear if only Angle would be so kind as
to get up - runs at Angle, but Angle drops down and throws him with ANOTHER
belly-to-belly - aw shit - RIGHT INTO CHIODA. No ref and Angle is ready to
get his non-pin. OLYMPIC SLAM but Edge lands on his feet - gutshot -
EDGECUTION! Looks like I called the wrong non-pin as Edge hooks the leg -
crowd counts to three - to SIX - but Chioda's a flat pancake. Edge checks
- nope - back to Angle but took too long - Angle with a kick between the
legs and that'll fell any man. Angle pulls him up - dead weight - OLYMPIC
SLAM! Angle makes the "come on" hand signal as "BLIND" MIKE SPARKS enters
the picture - leg is hooked - 1, 2, EDGE KICKS OUT! Angle has a few words
with Sparks but DOWN COME THE STRAPS! ANGLELOCK applied but Edge wastes NO
time grabbing the bottom rope. Angle stomps, tries to grab him, but Edge
drops him with a stun gun! Edge climbs to the top - Tazz notes that this
may be the same move that took out his shoulder in their infamous cage
match - but Angle's up, running to the corner and stairstepping up - but
Edge has it scouted and shoves him off! Angle won't give up - back over,
right hand, climbing up - superplex coming up - TOP ROPE SUPERPLEX coming
up - HITS IT! 1, 2, 3!!!!!! (15:34) Angle's music plays
but Chioda is
back up - and HE'S raising *Edge's* hand! Sparks and Angle getting heated
- Sparks shoves Chioda - Chioda FOREARMS Sparks! That'll keep him down for
half an hour, probably. Now HEBNER &
KORDERAS run out to keep the men in
blue apart...we'll try to sort this out when we come back!
When we come back (TV-PG-DLV) the match has been restarted - apparently,
after the superplex, BOTH sets of shoulders were down, so Chioda's decision
was that the match MUST continue (until Edge wins). But it's Kurt Angle in
control with a handful of hair - right hand to the body, right, right -
Subway Replay shows that During the Break, Angle hit a belly-to-belly out
on the floor and that's how he's got the control now. Angle ties up Edge
in the ropes. "Ohhh yeah! Wooooo!" SPEAR BY ANGLE and Edge is a sitting
duck. Angle with the three-point stance - and ANOTHER shoulderblock into
the injured ribs! Angle wants to go again - but he's gone to the well once
too often...Edge is out of the way and Angle sails through to the floor!
Edge clutches his ribs - he ain't movin'. Chioda puts on the count - Angle
back up to the apron at five, but in perfect position for a SPEAR from
Edge! That gets a Subway Replay. Edge climbs to the top - this is a bad
idea - top rope to the floor axehandle!!! But once again, Edge grabs his
side. Subway Replay. Angle rolled back in - Edge opting again to climb to
the top - but the MISSILE DROPKICK works! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, ANGLE
KICKS OUT!! Edge isn't sure what's left that he can do. Waiting for Angle
to get up - gutshot, Edgecution attempt countered - Angle's clothesline
ducks, Edgomatic! - 1, 2, NO! Edge grabs Angle, but Angle turns it around,
grabs a waistlock and hits the GERMAN SUPLEX! Angle didn't hang on - he
doesn't have enough for more than one at a time. Well shut my mouth -
Angle is proving me wrong by locking in the waistlock - ONE - TWO - CHRIS
BENOIT is out - Angle goes ahead and finishes the third of THREE German
suplexes. Angle casts a long gaze to Benoit out on the apron. Back to
Edge - ANOTHER German suplex - Angle's holding on but Edge counters with a
rollup - 1, 2, Angle's out! Angle pops back up with a clothesline. Benoit
holds up some fingers to show Angle how close he was to getting pinned.
Angle runs in - boot up by Edge - Edge leaps the next one, rollup, Angle
rolls through, grabs the ankle and applies the ANGLELOCK!! Edge can't
reach the ropes, so he tries a somersault - and manages to pull Angle out
of the hold and through the ropes to the floor! Edge can't get to his
feet, though - ribs are down AND his ankle's hurt. Angle has brought a
chair back into the ring with him - now this is just a stupid idea. Benoit
up on the apron and pulling back on the chair before Angle can swing - they
tug for it - Benoit lets go, Angle swings as Benoit drops off the apron,
the chair bounces off the top rope and into Angle's cranium - ohhh Angle
staggers into the SPEAR and that's his move - leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3!
Benoit gets a hearty chuckle from the ramp and makes another three
count to punctuate the point. Replay of the final moments. Benoit can't
He's a Special Video Look at Rey Mysterio - he competes TONIGHT!
WWE live events listed here! Saturday, Kansas City - Sunday, San Angelo -
Monday, Tucson - Tuesday, Phoenix!
one more camera angle of Angle knocking himself silly, eating
the spear and staying down for the three. Benoit looks SCARY when he
Backstage, Angle begins a frantic search for Benoit - finally finding him
in the locker room, he's stopped from starting anything by Albert, Kidman,
Cena and Moore, while the Guerreros flank Benoit. Stephanie McMahon comes
in and starts shrieking. She's teaming them up as partners in the tag team
tourney, and if they don't get along as partners they'll both be suspended
without pay for a year. Angle says that's fine - then pops Benoit one
before getting pulled off again. Kim tells me Stephanie REALLY should
consider wearing a bra.
Meanwhile, Heyman tells Lesnar he is the man. "There is NOBODY like you."
Heyman reminds Lesnar - and us - that he finished Hogan and took the title
from the Rock...and now he's broken the soupbone. Matt Hardy interrupts
again, saying that now with The Undertaker out, logic would seem to
indicate that HE deserves the title shot at No Mercy, seeing as he's the
guy who defeated the #1 Contender via pinfall. Heyman thinks that's a fine
idea. Hardy decides to go seek out Stephanie RIGHT NOW. Matt Hardy,
version 1! "I'd be very careful - he'd KILL you!"
Billy & Chuck - who are straight - are WALKING!
RAW ad - spin the wheel, make the deal - I wonder what Cubs is doing this
Stacker 2 ad #2 (well, #3 - but #2 with Bubba Ray in it)
This month's Fanatic Series presentation is "WWE Divas Undressed!" Of
course, it isn't on iNDemand so hardly anybody can watch it - geez, kinda
defeats the purpose of showing an ad, doesn't it?
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT -
ROUND 1: BILLY & CHUCK (529 pounds)
v. REVEREND D-VON & FAAROOQ
Well, the graphic says BATISTA but this seems to be a last-minute
replacement. But I thought these guys didn't get along? Masturbation and
all that? No? Hmm. Billy has the mic just to help us along. "Hold up,
hold up, just one second here. Ron Simmons - *please* tell me that you are
not associating yourself with this sorry son of a (beep)!" Faarooq takes
the mic. "Ahh, n--" and he pops Chuck with the mic. Hmmm. Pier Four
brawl with Faarooq and D-Von taking control - Billy's tossed - forearm in
Chuck's back by Faarooq - Simmons? I don't know. Cole's using both names
just to confuse me. Into the ropes, gutshot, snap suplex. Cover, leg is
hooked, but Brian Hebner is busy with Billy - finally back, 1, kickout.
Tag to D-Von - open right hand, right, onsale crawl, into the ropes,
hiptoss blocked, Chuck's blocked, Chuck with a...hmm, I don't know. Half
hiptoss/half throw I guess. But D-Von hangs onto the ankle and tags
Faarooq - Faarooq with a free shot on Billy, then back to Chuck - but Chuck
lands the right - right - right - right - right for D-Von, right for
Faarooq, but Faarooq lands a drop toehold and two axehandles to the back -
in the corner, right, right, right, right, tag to D-Von - gutshot, elbow to
the back of the head, crotch chop for Billy to bring him in - D-Von with
rights while Faarooq wins the "who's the first to use the OMG TAG ROPE in a
choke?" pool. Scoop...and a slam. Tag to Faarooq - another free shot for
Billy - man, he don't like Billy much. Faarooq sends D-Von to climb up for
"What Are You Doing?" but Chuck reverses into a rollup, then Billy shove
D-Von off the top into a headbutt to *Faarooq's* graun! Both men are down
- at five, D-Von gets the tag - HOT TAG TO BILLY! Clothesline,
clothesline, into the ropes, back body drop, clothesline for Faarooq,
Faarooq to the corner, "you suck," right, right, right, D-Von from behind
to turn it back around. Faarooq with a forearm in the back as well -
double neckbreaker a la the Acolytes! D-Von hooks the leg - 1, 2, no!
D-Von waits for him to get up - going for the Saving Grace, but Billy flips
out, gutshot - wants the Fame-Ass'er but Faarooq is in - Billy runs into
the spinebuster - Hebner finally turns round and sees D-Von with a leg
hooked - 1, 2, 3. D-Von & Faarooq move on. (4:07)
Backstage, Dawn Marie asks Al to check out her bikini. "It looks great."
"Thank you, Mr. Wilson." "Call me Al." "Thank you, Al." Al smacks his
lips! GO AL GO!
"Scorpion King" DVD ad - I think these have been happening all night and
I've forgotten to mention them. Oh well - Rock's not really part of this
show anyway, right?
in the ring to MC the following contest...
TORRIE SAMUDA v. DAWN MARIE in a bikini
contest - This segment is an early
frontrunner for the "most superfluous crane shot" award. You can tell Dawn
just hasn't had the experience of walking down the ramp in high heels that
Torrie has - either that or she's just trying too hard with too high heels.
Dawn's kinda got something funny going on with her face...I suppose we
don't do a lot of looking at her face, though. This week, the judges are
the "ragin' cajuns." Dawn Marie STRIPS! Just when we go to get the good
booty shot, the camera cuts to see Torrie's reaction. She seems bored.
Geez, Tazz is shorter than both of these ladies - get HIM some heels!
Torrie (who I should have mentioned is sucking on a blow pop) reveals the
slam dunk flesh coloured bikini. Torrie shows more ass, she wins. Wow,
Dawn is really checking out Torrie - look at her eyes go up and down and up
and down and...I think I'm hypnotized! Sure enough, Tazz proclaims the
winner as "Torrie Wilson, Wilson!" Dawn Marie offers the Hand of
Friendship - but then SLAPS her one, then tosses her out of the ring. Dawn
heads out, miffed.
Lesnar & Heyman are ready to leave, but Stephanie stops them with an
Undertaker injury update - his hand IS broken, however he insists on
competing at No Mercy anyway...also, she's got the stipulation. Heyman
guesses "One Arm Tied Behind the Man's Back" whils Lesnar suggests "Thumb
Wrestling Contest." Stephanie just about loses all composure but we take
an extra long pause so that she can stop smiling. "The stipulation is,
after conferring with The Undertaker....HELL - IN THE CELL." Heyman is
unhappy, but Lesnar doesn't seem to mind as much - maybe he knows that
Taker NEVER WINS Hell in the Cell matches? Hey maybe senior official Timmy
White will be back *just* in time to separate his OTHER shoulder naaaaaah
It's time now for the .... "Cool Color of the Night?" Oh come on. It's
brought to you by Maxim's hair colour for guys. From last week, Rey
Mysterio manages to squirt out the pinfall in the triple threat main event.
Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE &
TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Hell in a Cell?
That's sure to be a rocket buster! Tazz predicts victory for Taker, for
REY MYSTERIO (San Diego, California -
175 pounds - with Subway presents No
Mercy on the 20th!) v. CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta - 229
They go to lockup but Benoit opts for a gutshot instead - elbow - elbow -
backbreaker across the knee. Knee, into the corner HARD - Benoit dares
Mysterio to get up and get some more. Benoit runs into a boot - runs into
a boot again - but counters the flying headscissors attempt, puts him back
on his feet and CHOPS him. Into the ropes, Mysterio flips up and on top
but Benoit is on him - forearm in the back, forearm, forearm - wants a
crucifix bomb (Razor's Edge) out but Mysterio hooks the rope. Forearm,
forearm, has him out ...but Mysterio manages the Frankensteiner before
Benoit can powerbomb him! Drop toehold by Mysterio, La Magistral, 1, 2,
NO! Tazz says it's a "bandito" and Tazz knows more lucha than me and I'm
embarrassed. Mysterio up - ducks the swing, body scissors into the
wheelbarrow bulldog - hooks the leg, 1, 2, no. Into the ropes is reversed
by Benoit, Mysterio rolls under, Benoit puts Mysterio on the top rope but
he after pushing him, Mysterio manages a body scissors takeover to put
Benoit on the floor! Mysterio's gonna fly - springboard somersault plancha
and lands the cannonball! Benoit put back in the ring - Mysterio follows -
leg is hooked - 1, 2, no. Subway Replay of the "springboard hilo."
Mysterio right, right, off the ropes, but Benoit lifts him up and spins him
down into a gutbuster. Benoit back in command - Mysterio into the opposite
corner - gutshot puts him down. Death suplex. Benoit covers - and gets 2.
Into the ropes, big back body drop and Mysterio SAILS across the ring.
Whip sternum first into the corner - Benoit adds a knee in the back - and
another. Kick to the head. Benoit laces the knuckles, then goes behind
for a straitjacket. Tazz says this is a famous hold in Japan, which means
it's probably got a better name than "straitjacket" and I should look it up
later. Benoit has Mysterio on his knees and stands on the back of his legs
as well. Mysterio fights back to his feet...then drops down to get out of
the hold - back up behind Benoit with the SAME hold! Knuckles are STILL
locked - Benoit with a knee, hiptoss, Mysterio balances Benoit on his feet,
then kicks him up, jumps over him and goes down the back, completing the
sunset flip - 1, 2, Benoit up and barrelling him over with a clothesline.
Head to the buckle by Benoit. BIG knife-edge chop by Benoit. Stomp.
Stomp. Rammed into the corner, pulled out, and rammed back in again.
Mysterio's ears are probably ringing. Benoit does it AGAIN! Snapmares him
over, knee in the back and applies the surfboard. Mysterio won't give up
here but his kidneys might be screaming. Mysterio slooooowly makes it back
to his feet - reverses but Benoit reverses right back - Benoit full nelson
- Mysterio drops down, Benoit grabs the wheelbarrow and DOES hit the
wheelbarrow suplex! 1, 2, NO!! Benoit has real problems with that count
from Chioda. Benoit picks up Mysterio for a vicious short clothesline. 1,
2, Mysterio gets out. Pulled into the ropes, pressed up but Mysterio
manages a dropkick on his way down! Both men down...Benoit up first - over
to Mysterio, who hits "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," again, right,
right, into the ropes is reversed, Rey tries a quebrada but Benoit catches
him on his shoulder - going for Snake Eyes but Mysterio frees himself,
shoves Benoit into the corner, then lands a viscera as Benoit comes out!
Benoit has nowhere to go in the corner- Mysterio with a seated dropkick!
Mysterio positions Benoit and goes up - split-legged moonsault!! 1, 2,
NO!!! Subway Replay of the dropkick. Whip is reversed, Rey on the
shoulders, Benoit throws him off. Benoit waistlock, Mysterio back elbow,
Mysterio gutshot caught, Mysterio enzuigiri! Unfortunately Benoit is in
perfect position for the 619 - or did he have it scouted?! Benoit CATCHES
Mysterio in midswing (Tazz: "BUSY SIGNAL!") and gives Mysterio a
shoulderbreaker (!) - thumb crosses throat - Benoit going up - and there's
the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT!! Benoit hooks the leg - 1, 2, KICKOUT!! Benoit is
*stunned*. Benoit quickly locks in the crossface but Mysterio just as
quickly hooks the bottom rope and Benoit has to let go. Boot to the head
by Benoit - sternum first into the corner, German suplex out but Mysterio
backflips and lands on his feet - kicks the back of the leg, dropkicks the
back of the head, runs to the ropes, second rope no hands into a guillotine
to the back of the head! THIS time, 619 connects - now trying for the
springboard, but Benoit ducks...but KURT ANGLE is at ringside,
Benoit on the ropes, bouncing him back into a standing Frankensteiner and
leg hook - 1, 2, 3!! (10:50)
Angle hits the ring and has a few words with
Benoit - forehead to forehead, nose to nose - Benoit with a slap! Angle
right, Benoit, Angle, Benoit, Angle goes behind and hits a German suplex!
He's holding on - but Benoit reverses, but Angle grabs the ankle...but
Benoit counters into the crossface! AND ANGLE TAPS!! The phalanx of
& OFFICIALS hits the ring - two refs hold back
Angle (or try to) while Fit
Finlay and Chioda hold back Benoit - Angle breaks through, but they get
separated again - now Benoit makes a run at Angle but gets taken down - now
FINLAY is getting into it...ooh, credits are up, WW logo and we're out!
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