UPN - Thursday!
TV-PG-DLV - Attitude - Entertainment - WW!
Opening Credits are Beautiful, People!
PYROMID! Coming atcher from the aforementioned in Memphis, TN and SAP transmitido en espanol 24.10.2 (taped 22.10) this is episode #167 of that show we like to call WWE SMACKDOWN!
TONIGHT: The #1 contenders to the tag team championship will be decided when Edge & Rey Mysterio meet up with Los Dos Guerreros!
TONIGHT: Brock Lesnar will make a face
North Carolina - 234 pounds - Mattitude is practices
in over 100 countries) v. RIKISHI (American Samoa - 350 pounds - with Let
Us Take You Back to Last Thursday)
Stacker 2 ad (Bubba Ray Dudley) - say, isn't trying to sell ephedra-free Stacker 2 kinda like trying to sell a werewolf-free Lou Diamond Philips movie? (Okay, the Twilight Zone ad inspired me)
Catch the WWE LIVE tomorrow in Topeka, Saturday in Wichita, Sunday in Toledo and Monday in Detroit! Well shut my mouth, they ACTUALLY included a little "PAID FOR BY RAW" blurb on all these graphics. IT'S ABOUT TIME
MOMENTS AGO! Three paragraphs ago!
Outside, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman are WALKING! I hope they get fined for arriving late!
Inside the ring is STEFFO, who really wants you to look at her boobs. "Well it's already been one HELL of a night on SmackDown! and we're just gettin' warmed up! Now I know I made the right decision when I made the trade for the Big Show because he's already been impressive. But speaking of impressive, check out this trophy right here in the middle of the ring. Because this trophy will be awarded to the first ever WWE tag team champions exclusively here for you...on SmackDown! So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the first half of the WWE tag team champions, the ONLY Olympic Gold Medalist in WWE...KURT ANGLE!" Angle comes out, grabs the trophy and holds it high. "And his partner, the Rabid Wolverine, CHRIS BENOIT!" And here HE comes. Later tonight, we'll find out the #1 Contenders to the titles currently around their waists. Benoit tries to catch sight of the trophy, but Angle keeps holding it away from him. Angle with the stick: "Stephanie, I'd just like to say how right you were to force me to set aside my personal differences with Chris Benoit, so I could singlehandedly lead my team to victory at No Mercy! WOW! And you know, as captain of this team, it is my pleasure to accept this trophy. And I'd like to assure my partner that this trophy will be set aside at my Olympic memorabilia on my wall of fame at home. Oh, it's true - it's damn true! Woo!" Benoit takes the stick...and tries to take the trophy. "Angle, the next time you come out here, you leave that Olympic-sized ego o' yours back in the locker room, because out here, everybody knows there's only one captain, and that is ME. Let's get it straight - we wouldn't have won these titles if it wasn't for ME. And you're damn lucky Stephanie made that stipulation between us. If she hadn't, I'd'a kicked the HELL outta your Olympic ass." They tug on the trophy. "Listen here, Mr. Toothless Aggression! I WON the freakin' match, *I* did! Therefore, I'M the star...and you're the supporting player! The trophy's mine, all mine, give it to me!" "Take your damn hand off that tropy or you will EAT it." The struggle continues - Stephanie tries to come between them...and of course, ends up going down when the trophy breaks and flies backwards into her temple. Angle finally puts the trophy down to help up Stephanie. "See what you did? See what you did? Are you okay?" Stephanie seems dazed...but quickly recovers and slaps Angle one. Benoit gets some yuks out of this...until Stephanie slaps HIM as well. Benoit wastes no time freezing a glare on her. "You two are like petulent children. And if the two of you, look what you did to this trophy! If you two can't get along, then we're gonna settle this the old fashioned way - in the ring. Kurt! Tonight, it will be you, Kurt Angle, one on one against Chris Benoit. And the winner of that match will get to keep this stupid broken trophy. Now go get ready." Play her music!
The City... The Arena... The Event! Saliva! "Always!" Coming November 17 - WWE Survivor Series - Madison Square Garden
And now, the WWE Smack of the Night! Subway brings you fresh baked bread and Jared - from last week on SmackDown!, Noble and Nidia and Tajiri....ah, hell, I forget
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: JAMIE
NOBLE (champion - Hanover, West
Virginia - 200 pounds with Nidia - and Velocity hype: it's at 8/7 and a
Torrie/Nidia bikini match is scheduled! v. TAJIRI (challenger - Japan -
Your hosts are MICHAEL KING COLE & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - Tazz is now wearing the Elvis "bush." This segues to an announcement of next week's "Halloween Party" in Grand Rapids. Remember the best Halloween costume ever? That's right - when Vince dressed up in prison stripes on RAW...
TONIGHT: #1 Contender tag team match!
TONIGHT: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit!
Dawn Marie is looking for Torrie Wilson - BOOBS! I mean, WALKING!
November 12 - "WWE Anthology" - this time they actually use someone still working for the company! (Brock Lesnar)
Jakks Pacific WWE Metal Vengeance Arena and action figures ad
UPN! Turn it up!
And now, the Extreme Blast of the Night, rocked to you by JVC's Tower of Power! From last week, Torrie's nipples are pointed at her father...in the shower with Dawn
Dawn Marie has FINALLY caught up with Torrie's nipples. "Torrie! I'm glad I caught you..." "I don't want to talk to you, Dawn." "Listen...this is really hard for me to say. So, um...I just want to let you know that I think that you're the better woman, and...you've proved that on Sunday at No Mercy. Mmmkay?" "Okay." "And...oh...I also want to tell you that I want to apologise for my behaviour to you and your family, because I really think that things may have just gone a little too far. But...I want you to realise that...I really do care about your father, and that I- I do know that there's a huge age difference between us. And I know that this is probably, you know, really hurt you, so...the next time I see Al, I'm ...I mean, your father, I'm going to break things off. Okay?" Pause. "Great." Off she goes...leaving Dawn Marie smiling...
MOMENTS AGO! The unblinking eye of the WWE cameras caught an encounter between Los Guerreros and Kurt Angle. "WE don't have a problem with you." "No!" "But we know who does. ...we know who does, right?" "OH YEAH yeah yeah, vato, we know who does." "Tell me who it is there, *hombres.*" "You know, ese, the rumour...and it's a rumour...the rumour, ese, that Chris Benoit said...this is what he said... that he couldn't wait after the tag team tournament was over..." "He couldn't WAIT!" "No, ese, because he just wanted to do damage, it wasn't enough that he's already beat you!" "Do damage to me?" "To you!" "Yeah! He even - he even hurt your neck, didn't he?" "Yeah! He wanted to put you in the crossface and break your neck! Again!" "AGAIN!" "Oh, is that so?" "Can you BELIEVE it?"
Rey Mysterio and Edge - are - WALKING!
"WWE Divas Undressed" magazine ad - STROKE STROKE STROKE
Booker T shills chicken 'n' ribs
Tough Enough III is NEXT! People will spit on each other!
#1 CONTENDERS TAG TEAM MATCH: EDGE
(Toronto, Ontario - 241 pounds) v. REY
MYSTERIO (San Diego, California - 175 pounds - with SmackDown! is brought
to you by Paramount's "Jackass: The Movie," Stacker 2, and truth!) v.
EDDIE & CHAVO GUERRERO (El Paso, Texas - 441 pounds - with Halloween Party
The Undertaker - is - LIMPING! He stops a nearby stagehand - "Hey hey hey - find Brock Lesnar - tell him I'm waitin' on him in the ring!'
"Move Over, Charlie Brown - Take a Hike, Great Pumpkin - Beat it, Michael Myers..." nobody does Halloween like SMACKDOWN!
TV-PG-DLV - check out that Pyramid marquee
Just for fun, here's the "Heyman spoutin' catechism" No Mercy opener...interspersed with clips from the Hell in the Cell match
When we come out of *that*, THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER is just about ready to limp out to the ring and display his new cast. That match really did rule, you know. Herb Kunze would no doubt call me a "vampire" at this point. Oh well. "All right, by now you know I'm out here, Brock. And I'm gonna stand here 'til you come down, look me eye to eye, face to face and man to man." "Okay..I just wanna get this straight.." Actually, that's IT'S ALL ABOUT PAUL. "For the record, my client (Brock Lesnar) retired Hulk Hogan, my client (Brock Lesnar) defeated The Rock for the WWE title, and my client (Brock Lesnar) beat you this past Sunday in your own match, Hell in a Cell. In other words, Dead Man, my client is uninterested in hearing what you have to say, he WILL not come out here tonight, he has nothing..." Of course, the music interrupts, KING BROCK LESNAR is out, leaving his belt with Paul and his shirt on the ramp. No time wasted as Lesnar leaps to the apron, parts the ropes and stands locked in a staredown with the American Badass. Man, look at HIS scar! "Ever since Sunday, everywhere I go, everybody that I talk to, they say the same thing: 'you know, Taker, if your hand wasn't broke, you woulda beat Brock Lesnar.' So needless to say, that thought's kinda consumed my mind for the past few days. This is the conclusion that I come up with. A broken hand is no excuse. I knew what I was gettin' into when I walked in the cell. Fact of the matter is, Sunday...you had my number. Now, five years ago...things mighta been a little different. Five years ago, a broken hand, a broken ankle, a broken rib or a broken jaw...I still woulda beat your ass. Fact of the matter is...Sunday it DID matter...and it's still no excuse." Pause. "There's another thing. All the wrestling purists...they're gonna criticise you for bringing in my personal life. Hell, there ain't nobody that appreciates head games more than me. For the past twelve years, I've taken people out of the game before they ever got IN it. Now that bein' said... I have seen the best, I have fought the best...and I've beaten the best. Sunday....and I'm man to man to say this to your face, whether I like it or I don't like it...Sunday...YOU were the best." Taker goes to leave...but Lesnar stops him and requests the mic. "About Sara...(looks to Paul)...it's supposed to be all about business. You see, I was fighting The Undertaker. I needed an edge." And he gives Taker the mic back. Play Taker's music! Wow. Commentators play up the mutual respect. You know what this segment didn't need? SOME DUDE FUCKING A CORPSE Lesnar and Heyman walk off - Lesnar turns back at the last moment to nod in Taker's direction one more time before heading out. Taker, left alone in the ring, starts again. "Oh, hey hey, let's cut the music. There's somethin' else...that's been on my mind. And this ain't gonna be easy. But after twelve years..." Crowd: "NOOOOO" "...my body--" "Hold on, hold on - hold on - hold on - HOLD ON A MINUTE." WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW out to the ring. "I KNOW I just didn't hear that! Brock Lesnar had YOUR number? Brock Lesnar's the BEST? Why don't you give credit where credit's due? It's because of ME Brock Lesnar was able to beat you at Hell in the Cell. That's right, because of me. You know, because, for the past two years, it's been me all around this country, that's been bustin' you up. It's been ME that made you walk with a LIMP. Oh yeah. And it's because of ME that you are nothing but a broken-down has been." "You know...you know, that might be. Everybody's entitled to their opinion, Show. Now I'm not sayin' that what you said is true, but if it is...if I am a broken down has been...I had much rather be a broken down has been...than a Giant that never was." TAG! Play his music again! Taker leaves without saying "And THAT'S FINAL!" Show leaves the ring...but stops short when Taker turns back. "Oh no, no, I'm not gonna punk you out, I SWEAR." Taker again stops halfway up the ramp - and again Show hangs a few feet behind. Taker up to the top...Show finally offers to walk past him. Taker holds his guard and lets him by. Show ready to head behind the curtain...Taker puts his head down and raises his cast in a show of power to the people. Now he turns back to the crowd...cue Show? Or, perhaps he's just taking one final call to the crowd...no, THERE'S Show. Into the set, knee, knee, scooped up - and press slammed off the stage to the floor! Now *Show* raises his arms to the crowd...and gets quite a different response than Taker was getting just a moment ago. REFS, OFFICIALS & TRAINER LARRY HECK surround Taker - the back board makes a rapid appearance as Show walks off. Here's a replay. Arn Anderson acts worried that Taker couldn't squeeze his hand. Stephanie's out and screeching...and STILL not telling us who she traded away for the Show. Hey, let's take a break!
When we come back, Taker is still down - Edge & Mysterio are checking on Taker as well. Hey, Dean Malenko! Amazingly, John Cena is NOT there, even after getting that handshake so long ago... MOMENTS AGO! we take another replay - well, we probably could have down without the shot that makes it obvious he landed on padding, but... Slaughter and Laurinati - Laurinit - Johnny Ace are there. Looks like they're just about ready to lift the backboard. Arn: "What hospital are you going to? What's the name of the hospital?" Taker's starting to move his arms a little bit... whoops, Stephanie's screeching again. Might be time to fast forward. And NOW that crazy sumbitch actually gets up on his own...collapsing to the floor. "Let us help you, Take! Don't DO this!" Anderson sure enjoys repeating himself for our benefit. "Let us help you! Let us help you! Let us help you! Let us help you!" Taker shrugs off (well, not LITERALLY) the collar. Now Edge helps him up - well, TRIES to - Taker refuses the help. Taker now crawls backstage. Anderson says "Let us help you" another thousand times. "We KNOW you're all man, let us help you. Come on, Take, come on." Let's take one more replay of Show pressing Taker "spinefirst" onto the tech area from the stage. And let's take one more break.
Jakks Pacific ad #2
Commentators shill "The Other Side of Tuesday" - Buffy and Haunted, Tuesday on UPN!
Dawn Marie calls over Funaki, then asks him to send Al Wilson thataway...Torrie's looking for him. He does, then we follow him (WALKING!) into a "chance" encounter with Dawn Marie. "Oh! Al, hi! I wasn't expecting to see you, but um...now that I have, I have something to say, okay? Um...I know that there's a slight age difference between you and I...and I really don't think it's right that Torrie comes between us...and, and I don't want to come between you and your daughter...so...I think it's best for now that we just say goodbye. Okay?" Buss on the cheek. "Okay." "Oh...and one more thing. Out of the very few men that I've ever been with (ha), you were the most...PASSIONATE...man...I have ever, EVER experienced." Another deep sigh. So he grabs her and PLANTS one on her. This is almost as gross as when Vince does it. She gives him a big hug....and we're out of there
BILLY KIDMAN (Allentown, Pennsylvania -
215 pounds - with Let Us Take You
Back to Last Thursday) v. JOHN CENA (West Newbury, Massachusetts - 249
pounds - orange and white [Grizzlies?] with Survivor Series onsale
MARC LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOYD knocks on the exciting door...and Lesnar actually answers! Loyd looks for a response to Big Show's challenge. "Where's Funaki? Does he have the night off?" "I don't know." "See, me and Funaki, we go way back. You see Funaki, you tell him I said hi. As far as Big Show...he wants an answer, huh? I'll be happy to give him an answer. I'm not too hard to find. After all...YOU found me, Sherlock."
Confidential ad - at least this time they remember to use the "special" airing time in the graphic
Catch the WWE live next Tuesday in Grand Rapids, Saturday in Wilkes-Barre, Sunday in Bethlehem, Monday in Bangor, and Tuesday in Manchester!
Check out the WWE.com home page!
Let Us Take You Back to No Mercy, where Benoit & Angle posed with their new championship title belts
TONIGHT: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit!
Backstage, Benoit tapes up - and receives a visit from the Guerreros. "Hey Benoit - Vato vato hey, man, take it easy vato, don't be mad at me, okay holmes? Look, man...just came to tell you, okay? Me 'n' Chavo, we just talked to Kurt Angle, ese. Ese man...I owe it to you." "Oh you owe it to me?" "Yeah, I do, man. I owe you to tell...the truth. I gotta speak the truth, man. I'm messed up." "Messed up." "I just wanna be your friend now. And, I don't expect you to forgive me, holmes, you know, it's cool, I understand, man. I wouldn't forgive myself. Okay? Just wanted to show you some respect." "Respect. Hey...what do you really want from this, Eddie?" "Just your friendship." "Just my friendship." "Yeah." "Well as for what you told Kurt Angle earlier...you may be right." And he grins...
Meanwhile, Big Show - is - WALKING! all the way to Brock Lesnar's door. But Paul Heyman is the man he finds. "Oh my God - Show? Now...Show, please. Now now, be reasonable. I mean, we're all very, very happy to have you here on SmackDown! I've been telling people for years you were the most underutilised talent in this entire industry...I really have! But...I can't allow my client to accept this match. I mean, please, just think about this, Show, I mean you're gonna be #1 Contender one day, Show...I know that you are, because, Show...I *believe* in you. But Show, please, be a rational man. I mean, your first day here on SmackDown!? You can't make demands like this! And under absolutely no circumstances can I allow my client to defend--" Heyman is shoved aside as Lesnar appears. "You want a shot at my title?" "Oh yeah." "You got it." Smiling, Show backs out. Lesnar ALSO grins. NIGHT OF A THOUSAND GRINS
KURT ANGLE (WWE tag team champion - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - 237 pounds) v. AD BREAK
Tough Enough III ad #2
Stacker 2 ad #2 - say, isn't trying to sell ephedra-free Stacker 2 a bit like trying to sell caffeine-free Mountain Dew?
Before you die, the last thing you see is WWE SmackDown! on Halloween-- huh?
KURT ANGLE (with Earlier Tonight! and
Survivor Series is presented by Xbox
17 November!) v. CHRIS BENOIT (WWE tag team champion - Edmonton, Alberta -
229 pounds) for a broken trophy
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