KINGS UPDATE: 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! 8-1! I can't believe it myself! 8-1! First place (but technically one game behind the Blazers) and the BEST PERCENTAGE in the league! I better talk 'em up now because by next week it could all come CRASHING DOWN! Friday the Warriors come to Arco - I think I may just have to bite the bullet and attend...

RIP: Fred Anderson died Monday. Fred was THE voice booming over the PA for the Kings for as long as I'd been going to see them, and he's been missed, and he will be missed.

I come to you tonight from my adopted home town of Modesto, CA (motto: "Water Wealth Contentment Health") where the affilate spotlight shines on Sacramento's KMAX, UPN 31 - television home of the Sacramento Kings - and strangely enough, they have the same deal going as UPN 44 in San Fran - only THEY are giving away Arco tix instead of the Cow Palace show. This is all part of the WWF's big Cali swing, starting Friday at the San Jose Arena, going to Arco and the Cow Palace for a double-shot on Saturday, to Bakersfield Sunday, and then: RAW IS LUV in LA at the Staples Arena. Normally I'd be all up in that area, but...oh, this weekend...

It doesn't matter what station you're watching - as long as YOU'RE WATCHING UPN!

One World Leader Attitude - TV-MA-LSV - WWF! Hold the phone ... TV-MA? Someone gettin' NEKKID?

LAST MONDAY: Vince did that thing in that car to those folks in that other car, then got arrested. Fortunately, he got bailed out just in time to push Triple H off the stage "fifteen or twenty feet" to the concrete.

Cut to now, where DX stands with another guy. "Hey, how do you feel? What was it, twenty, thirty, forty feet?" Hmmm, somebody else heard Ross' exaggeration on Monday (wasn't me, it was an alert reader whose name is at my apartment...) Triple H promises to point out Vince when he arrives to the other guy.

Opening Credits

FIREWORKS AND POSTERS, BABY! It's Thanksgiving Day, 25.11.99 and WWF SmackDown is en espanold donde sea disponible from the Blue Cross Arena in Rochester, NY (taped 23.11) and something special is in the air...

LARRY KING welcomes WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW to the ring for an interview to open things up tonight. "JR, it's incredible, and I gotta be honest with you, right now I feel like the luckiest man on earth. You know, the WWF title is the most coveted title in all of sports entertainment, and for me (the Big Show) to HAVE the WWF title means more to me than anything in the world, and that's why - you know, the only thing is I just wish my dad was here to see it--" the Y2J countdown interrupts the proceedings and here's CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO, mic in hand. "You know Big Show, you don't have to worry about not having a father anymore, because tonight, I AM YOUR DADDY. Do you realy think you deserve to be a Heavyweight champion just because you're over seven feet tall? Because like your girlfriend tells you, size doesn't matter. What matters is charisma and showmanship, both of which you have absolutely none of. [I swear, Show mouths "Yeah? So?" here] What you deserve to be doing is carrying my bags into the arena and begging me not to kick your dimpled, cottage cheese ASS. So what I want from you tonight is a no BS excuse, no rule, no disqualification heavyweight championship match, because what I want - and what all these Jerichoholics want - is that belt (which you can't even fit around your chubby gut) around this gorgeous and sexy waist." Show says he's a fighting champion and has no problems beating him like the b(beep)ch he is. Hmm, TV-MA ratings box but we still bleep out "bitch." Anyway, Ross leaves the ring, referee "Blind" Mike Chioda is in position, and quickly, a bell rings and it's on...

WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO for the WWF title in a "no DQ" match - Jericho with the open-handed slap, Show muscles him to the corner and lays in with knees. Out of the corner, snapmared over, into the opposite corner, big slap, through the ropes to the outside. Jericho in the ring as Show comes out. Dropkick through the ropes from Jericho. Pescado attempted, but Show catches him in the Samoan drop position, then presses him over the top rope and back in the ring. Show back in - there's a kick, now in to the corner with a choke. Show with the boot to the neck, but he left his jewels open, and Jericho puts a boot down there. Dropkick from the corner, repeated knees to the head of the Show. Off the ropes, Show catches him - press - overhead slam. Show making the sign but BIG BOSSMAN is out. Show is out and having little problem brawling with the Bossman down the side of the aisle. And now coming *down* that aisle are THAT SLUT CHYNA & MISS KITTY. Oh Gosh, I've sure missed Lawler saying "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty." For those of you who don't ever notice when I bitch about WWF stuff, there's an example of sarcasm for you. Anyway, Chyna in and Jericho demanding the belt - but instead, she waffles him with a hammer to the head instead. Jericho falls like a sack of potatoes and stays there. Chyna and Kitty walk off and we all check out Kitty's thong and how awkwarly it fails to cover her ass. Show, meanwhile, has come back and there's a totally unnecessary ahhhhhtheCHOKESLAAAAAM for the pin. (3:24) And perhaps the best part is Show never removed his shirt!

The "traditional" WWF feast is laid out by caterers dressed in Pilgrim garb. I smell a food fight...

As Vince's limo arrives, Triple H directs the serving of a TOP (Temporary Order of Protection) which basically says he can't get within 50 feet of DX - Vince accuses H of being a big man several times and acts angry. Test and Shane lead him away.

WWFWired.com is the website of some toy I'm not buying

In their dressing room, Vince seethes about Triple H's recent court actions while Shane and Test look on. Pat Patterson & Gerald Brisco enter the picture and act stupid ("What's a Temporary Order of Protection, Vince? What does it mean?") Somehow, Vince decides that it means that tonight the Outlaws will defend the tag titles in a STEEL cage against the Hardys. Also, Triple H & X-Pac will take on Shane & Test.

FABULOUS MOOLAH & MAE YOUNG are introduced to the crowd. Moolah is dressed as a Pilgrim; Young as the Gobbledygooker. Young's hitting the sauce - I'm starting to think that gal has a problem. They are in the first row behind our hosts - a pair of kings, MICHAEL KING COLE and JERRY LAWLER.

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST & CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE KURT ANGLE v. D'LO BROWN - all this handshaking by Angle is reminiscent of Bob Backlund, ain't it? Let's listen to the man and ignore the "asshole" chants: "It's a time for us to be thankful for the many gifts that we've received throught our lives. For instance, I am thankful for the incredible talent that I've been blessed with. But more importantly, I am thankful for the three I's - my simple set of rules that have brought me success since the day I was born. They are intensity, integrity, and intelligence. Thanksgiving is also the time for us to give to one another. And tonight, my gift to you is to put on another fantastic performance for all of you to enjoy [hey, there's Scott Jennings' sign!!] and I hope that you give back to me a gift that I truly deserve...and would be very proud to have - your utmost respect and support. Happy Thanksgiving from YOUR Olympic champion." Cole takes up Brown's entrance and a good portion of this match to read the same PTC crap Ross tried to feed us last week - again I'm going to completely ignore it and refer you to their pamphlets - I mean, website - if you're so inclined. This time, you're requested to send cards and letters to the US Navy, begging them to not join the Army. Tieup, gobehind, waistlock takedown from Angle, reversed to a hammerlock from Brown, off the ropes, shoulderblock from Brown. Angle stays down as Brown goes over a few times, there's some armdrag takedowns and Angle bars the arm. Brown to his feet. Into the corner, elbow from Brown, right, right, kick, right, into the opposite corner, reversed, charge misses, flying jalapeno from Brown, kick, scoop and a slam, and here's the standing flourished legdrop for 2. Right hand, off the ropes, Angle up and over, to the ropes, Brown holds onto the rope and Angle rolls backwards - clothesline misses, another clothesline misses, Angle with a...suplex - whoops, that was it. 1, 2, 3. (1:50) As Angle celebrates in melodramatic fashion, we check on Moolah, who is embarrassed by Young and ready to smack her around.

Here's another look at all the food.

Our two Pilgrim women bring out a table. Cole says this is an "annual World Wrestling Federation tradition." Hey Cole, there's only one annual WWF tradition around this time, and it's SURVIVOR SERIES. That is, until five years ago...

Mankind and Al Snow are in the back, and we're eavesdropping. Snow is despondent that Mankind is ignoring him in favour of the Rock. Tonight there's a Rock & Sock Connection matchup, apparently. Snow says "I hate the Rock" several times, and most of those times are funny.

Tuesday UPN presents "the WWF's Greatest Hits!" Between this and "Ultimate Trek" next Wednesday, you gotta think that it's a cheap week for the folks at UPN. With all the money they're saving, hey, maybe they can buy...hmmm, did you ever start a joke and realise you didn't have a good punchline? I do that a couple times a week, but usually I hide it better than now.

One weird thing about spending so much time in two different geographical regions (although adjacent) - McDonald's is always trying stuff in one market that'll never appear in the other. Very frustrating...

DX, in their locker room, mulls over their situation. They can at least be thankful that Vince can't come within fifty feet of them. Triple H says they need to be more thankful tonight - and he's got an idea...

BALD VENIS v. BRITISH BULLDOG for the European championship - "Hello, ladies! You know something ladies, Thanksgiving just happens to be every guy's favourite holiday. Why? Well, it's very simple. You see on Thanksgiving we get to go out and look for that one beautiful bird, we get to bring that bird back to the home, spread its legs and stuff it...we get to crank up the heat and watch that bird get all hot and juicy - and when it's time to serve up the goods, all your wives and all our girlfriends get to suck the meat clean off our drumsticks!" So I guess he's a face again? Let Us Take You Back to Monday where the short-lived tag team between these two broke down. Val attacking from behind to start, on him with kicks aplenty. Off the ropes, duck, back elbow, elbowdrop, rights and rights. And here's a right. And a right. There's a right. Into the opposite corner, reversed, Venis hits hard. Front face - Bulldog with the patented half hour suplex. Cover - 1, 2, no. Head to the buckle, Euro uppercut, whip is reversed, spinebuster from Venis. Venis climbing to the top - but Bulldog up from behind - whoops, he hit him in the jimmy! Referee "Blind" Tim White shocks all of us by calling for the (DQ 1:35). Bulldog doesn't care - here's the running powerslam. Bulldog walks off - hey, Bulldog, forgot your title! Venis still holding himself.

Outside the building, Triple H says he's going to teach them a lesson about how lucky they are. After running down Rochester, they spot some bums and approach. H decides it's be a good idea to invite the bums in for some Thanksgiving dinner.

Here's a Special look at Stephanie and Test - they're getting married next Monday on RAW. Remember, friends, in the TV biz weddings are ALWAYS saved for the Sweeps months! All I gotta say is this wedding better deliver something pretty big, or there just MAY be trouble a-brewin' for this fine company...

WWF WrestleMania 2000 for the N64 ad

SmackDown! is brought to you by the aforementioned videogame, WWF: The Music (Volume 4) - available at all Virgin Megastores, and Western Union Money Transfers!

THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE IT'S KANE v. BIG BOSSMAN for the Hardcore Championship - Kane starts out with uppercuts. Off the ropes, big boot - Bossman bounces off the ropes and into another right. Clothesline takes Bossman over the top to the floor. And out we go. And over the barricade. Flying clothesline off the barricade to the floor! Cole actually gets in a zinger - asking Lawler how HE'D feel if somebody hit on Mae Young when Lawler accuses Kane of overreacting about Viscera hitting on Tori. Looks like a wooden staircase is taken apart to be used as a weapon. Well, sorta. Now they're in the penalty box. Woo hoo. Man, these hardcore matches are supposed to be exciting and innovative, and all it really is is a lot more walkin' around, you know? Kane DOES manage to slam Bossman's hand in a door, which at least looks like it'll hurt. As they go through a door, we see TORI backstage watching on a monitor - and here's VISCERA trying once again to put a move on her - and failing. Tori walks off and as we cut back to Bossman and Kane, we sense that these two shots are soon merging. Sure enough, there's Tori calling to Kane. Now here's PRINCE ALBERT with a lead pipe shot. Cover from Bossman - there are no near falls in a Hardcore match. (3:41) Albert and Bossman walk off - now Viscera has caught up to Kane - man, I'm confused.

DX is still walking around - "jackpot!" They find a big group of bums. Did they just ID one of them as Bam Bam Bigelow? That's not legal! For an encore, Helmsley reads a sign "Will work for food? You can't work, you're as bad as Jericho!" Anyway, DX invites all the bums to a Thanksgiving dinner...

Here's anothe look at your hosts - and the two old chicks sitting behind them. I'm PRETTY sure her flask should be empty by now. We get some more employees clad in Pilgrim garb bringing out food.

Backstage, Mankind and the Rock are WALKING! Mankind tries out his People's Eyebrow but has to use his finger to make it stay there.

You're still watching UPN, too

The TV-MA-LSV ratings box appears for the second hour - what was so TV-MA about the first hour? Here's an exterior of the arena

And here's a Special Video Look at Test and Stephanie, their trials and tribulations - their love - their story. When Cole says "Test & Stephanie's union WOULD NOT DIE," I have to laugh uncontrollably for reasons which are not immediately clear to me...anyway, this Monday RAW IS LUV and let's hope it doesn't suck - or that it sucks so badly that I can make fun of it, anyway

ROCK & SOCK CONNECTION v. HOLLYS (with Scale) for the #1 tag team contendership - Mankind and Rock have separate entrances. "From Mankind to all of you, a very happy Thanksgiving! Now, if we think carefully and dissect the word Thanksgiving - what the hell is that? - [it's a fan in a gigantic sock] - it actually consists of two smaller words, the first of which is 'thanks' - and right now I would like to give out a special thanks to the People's Champion, the Rock, because when I put my hand out and the Rock gave me the tag, I could feel the electricity, the reaction from the crowd ... and it was one of the greatest moments in sports entertainment. Now also the second word in Thanksgiving would be 'giving.' So what I'd like to do now in front of Rocheester, New York and the entire world, is I'd like to give my sincere apology for ever yelling at the Rock, because not only did the Rock NOT throw my book out, he actually read the book and enjoyed it a great deal, so there's my apology. And now although I know around the world you've all gorged yourself on turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, I hope you have a little extra room because I am about to serve up a giant helping of the Rock & Sock Connection!" Well, that was between two and three minutes, let's see what the Rock does. Everybody seems to have a variation on the various "Rock/Rochester" word combos. "Finally, the Rock has come back to Rochester! Now, seeing as this is SmackDown!, the Rock's show, the Rock is in the Thanksgiving spirit, he notices to his left there is a table full of pies." Oops, we already see the joke coming...oh I won't spoil it for you. This'll be lame, by the way. Big ol' "Rock E" chant. "Now the Rock says there are many type of pies - there is apple pie (that's not bad), there is pumpkin pie (pretty good pie to the Rock) - there is also pecan pie (the Rock doesn't like that too much) - and of course the is the Rock's all-time favourite, including Rochester's all-time favourite, poontang pie." Yep, it's a creme pie with POONTANG written on it with frosting. I guess we finally have our TV-MA-LSV bit. Rock dips a finger in the pie and tastes it. "That's some of the best poontang pie the Rock has ever tasted! Now seeing as the Rock is in a giving mood - Michael Cole, the Rock knows that you have never EVER had a piece of poontang pie. So the Rock says for the first time in your life, try - don't be afraid of the poontang - here's some advice from the Great One, when you're ready for poontang, poontang will be ready for you." Cole dips in a finger, and tries it. "So Michael Cole, the Rock says tell the Rock, along with the millions...of Rock's fans, how your first experience was with poontang pie." "I gotta tell ya Rock--" "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE WAS! If ya smellllllllalalalalalalalooooow ..." and so forth. That took about five minutes. I'll say this at least, it's no dumber than when those two other guys were writing this crap. Let Us Take You Back to Last Month where the Hollys won the tag team titles from this very team when Mankind refused to take part in the match. Let Us Also Take You Back to Monday where the Hollys beat Mankind & Snow, to show you the roll that the Hollys have been on. Hardcore and Rock start. Rock takes control as we go backstage to see Al Snow watching on a monitor, bemoaning Mankind's sucking up to the Rock, and generally hating the Rock. Hardcore hits the Best Dropkick in the Business, and tags in Crash. Rock promptly DDT's him for 2 - Hardcore breaking up the count. Crash put in Mankind's corner, Rock hits Hardcore from behind to take him to the floor. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner is distracted trying to keep Hardcore out of the action, so the good guys blatantly cheat, doubleteaming on Crash. Mankind throws Crash to the outside, then follows - but before he can drop the elbow to the floor, Hardcore attacks on the apron. Back in - tag to Hardcore, still on Mankind. Massive suplex (with some help). Hardcore to the top, but the elbow misses. Tag to the Rock - HOUSE AFIRE! Both Holly's bounce around from Rock's punches. Hardcore manages a blind clothesline on the Rock - Mankind knocks him outside. Inside the ring - there's a spinebuster on Crash. Time now for the People's Elbow - hmm, this match wasn't even half as long as the promos. Figures. (2:51) Rock & Mankind are now the #1 contenders.

In the back, DX is ready to share heartwarming stories of food to the homeless folk.

Back in the arena, a large vat of mushroom gravy is being prepared for a "Turkey Bowl" matchup. Ummm...yeah. Stay with me.

The Lugz Boot of the Week is Moolah's boot to Mae Young's keister, causing her to do a plant into a cake. Everybody laugh!

Jerry Lawler interviews Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah, who are going to be at the Billboard Music Awards 8 December, and who WERE at the big "End of Days" premiere. Say, those two aren't getting along again...anyway, this leads into another "End of Days" ad...

by way of "Exclusive Footage" which appears to give away the ending. Of course, I could be totally wrong - I'm not gonna bother to catch the flick...

JOEY ABS (with Rodney & Pete "Gas," no entrance) v. RIKISHI FATU (with Too Cool) - if you're waiting for the explanation of why Fatu and Too Cool are together, keep waiting. Fatu comes out to Too Cool's theme instead of his own (which is too bad - I thought it was pretty cool. Abs with clubbing forearms from behind. Now with rights. Everything's absorbed. Sunset flip attempt - Fatu sits on him - and wiggles! Abs pushed into the corner - whipped into the opposite corner - running butt splash! KMAX crawl here. Banzai drop! Oh, by the way, if you haven't seen this guy's ring attire yet, there's a reason. Sitout piledriver DOES look awesome, though. 1, 2, 3. (1:45) Here comes Rodney and Pete - Too Cool is in as well and house is cleaned. Did Fatu destroy his knee there? Well, now the music is up again. His knee must be okay - he's doing the dance routine with Too Cool.

X-Pac says his favourite food is pot roast - that's some sort of weed joke, I guess. Then he brandishes a pumpkin pie just withing treach of the folks. Then Triple H does the same with a turkey. I guess the joke is they're not feeding them. And it'll keep going ALL NIGHT.

Here's another shot of the gravy wenches

Back with DX and the homeless homies. DX is eating and the homeless guys aren't. One guy asks where the silverware is, and Triple H flies into a mock rage and throws all the bums out. Wow! WHAT A PAYOFF!!

IVORY v. JACQUELINE in the Turkey Bowl Match - in which a giant vat of mushroom gravy is involved. Your special referee is MISS KITTY. Jacqueline looks tremendously happy to be here. Ivory with the snapmare into the gravy! Jacqueline with a suplex in the gravy! Scoop slam in the gravy! Facebuster in the gravy! Does it matter who does what? Jacqueline with a DDT in the gravy! 1, 2, 3! (1:08) And not a moment too soon. Kitty presents a lovely "golden ladle" trophy to commemorate the occasion. Ivory, taking umbrage with Kitty's refereeing job, mashes her face into the gravy - Kitty comes up breathless. The EMT'S are at the ready - one Heimlech later, a mushroom flies out of her throat and she can breathe again. Ivory, apparently unhappy that Kitty didn't die, strips the blonde EMT of her uniform (prompting the ever-ready Lawler to remark "Lookit those giblets!"), then brings her into the gravy. Well, now we've finally seen 'em. Are you happy?

Here's a look at Shane and Test preparing for their big match.

"WWF Greatest Hits" promo - I have this sneaky suspicion it'll be mostly "WWF Greatest Hits (of the past three months or so - no Jarrett of course)" but I'll stll be taping it Tuesday. Don't know about a show report, though - we'll see

GODFATHER (with fourteen - no, seven ho's & no entrance) v. AL SNOW (with Head) - when we return, they're all in the ring, but don't worry - Godfather still gets to do his spiel - missing one marijuana reference but Lawler picks up the split by pointing to the "Chronic 2000" on Godfather's vest. If Godfather offered him the women, it was edited out. Snow attacks from behind to start. Snow outside - no, back in - Godfather kicking away to take charge - is his offense somehow getting even goofier? Snow with his patented headbutts. Off the ropes, back elbow from the Godfather. Goofy legdrop. Snow taken to the floor. Snow goes to the table - YES! FINALLY THE FOOD FIGHT BEGINS! No, he's just getting a chair. The WHACK misses, bounces off the turnbuckle and hits Snow in the head. It's time once again for the Ho Train! 1, 2, 3. (1:09) Let's take a look at the good ol' "World Wide Filth" sign and mention that people show freedom of expression at these here shows.

Wow golly! The New Age Outlaws are WALKING!

One more promo for the Tuesday special

NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. HARDY BOYZ (with Terri Runnels) - Mae Young doing the DX chop - aie yi yi. Hey, remember that one night Terri spent with Gangrel? No, neither do the writers, either. Dogg and Jeff lockup, into the corner, knee, forearm. Into the opposite corner, Jeff goes up and over, then dropkicks the back. Kick, arm wringer, another turn, Dogg tries to take him to the mat, but Jeff drives him down. Up and over, go behind, Dogg holds the ropes, duck, left, left, left, juke, jive, Matt decides to just leave the cage and win, so Dogg goes over and pulls him down. Gunn tries the same thing, Jeff's got him. Now all four men involved - Hardy double clothesline. Gunn into Dogg in the corner, Matt on all fours for the - well, Gunn catches him, then tosses him onto Jeff. Road Dogg WITH A MOONSAULT!!!!!!!! I am SHOCKED that he'd bust that out. Each Outlaw covers a Hardy - 1, 2, double kickout. Dogg whips Matt into Gunn - WICKED Snake Eyes when Gunn drops Matt on the top turnbuckle. Double whip of Jeff, Jeff kicks Dogg but Ass catapults him into the wall of the cage. Dogg's moonsault gets a Double Feature - hell yeah. Gunn trying to climb out - THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE!!!! - Dogg whipped into the ropes, which crotches Gunn. Hardys with the double legdrop on Gunn - now Gunn taken into the cage wall. Jeff with the sentonbomb on Gunn - BUT THE DOOR IS RIGHT THERE!!!! Matt climbs the corner to leave - Dogg trying to get him, Jeff over and he and Dogg trade blows. Matt is at the top of the cage - but instead of leaving, he moonsaults (!) back in, landing on Dogg, Jeff AND referee "Blind" Jim Korderas in the process. Lawler: "What an idiot!" Give it a Double Feature. I think the fans tried a "Holy Shit" chant there. But pretend you're Matt. Do you leave the cage and win the tag team titles - or moonsault back into the cage? DUH. Or is this overanalysis? Jeff Hardy running at Mr. Ass - Gunn flips him up and over the cage wall to the floor! But of course, the ref is out. Matt Hardy hits the tornado DDT on Ass - everybody's out - now X-PAC is out and using the door (FINALLY somebody with a brain) to throw Jeff back into the ring. Dogg climbing the corner - Matt with a Golota to stop him. Now Matt and Dogg both on the top rope and exchanging blows. Matt gets the better of it, but before he can finish climbing, X-Pac is up from the other side, and a spinning heel kick sends Matt back into the ring. Mr. Ass climbing out of the door (!) - and he makes it. Cole: "DARN IT!" (4:47) So I think we've established that Terri isn't much of a manager - what did she DO besides walk out and look sad after the Outlaws won? Uh huh.

WWF Slam Cam ad

THQ's WrestleMania 2000 presents the WWF Slam of the Week! It's Vince ramming the DX limo with a car of some sort

MechWarrior 3 presents WWF Armageddon LIVE 12 December!

TRIPLE H & X-PAC v. TEST & SKIPPY - one more KMAX crawl - free WWF tix are tempting but I just *can't* watch "Good Day Sacramento," I'm sorry. We look to the back, where the homeless folk are eating away - Vince let them back in 'cause he's a Decent Human Being. Shane and Test rush the ring and a Pier Four Brawl is on. Shane clotheslines X-Pac out of the ring. Double whip, double clothesline, Test knocks Triple H to the outside. After a regrouping on the outside, X-Pac comes back in. Shane ducks an X-Pac clothesline and gives Triple H a blind shot - then turns into a spinning heel kick from X-Pac. Test in to distract referee "Blind" Earl Hebner while both DX'ers stomp on Shane. Triple H stays in - right, right from X-Pac, right, X-Pac choking with a jersey. Hebner still distracted. Helmsely putting the boots to him. Off the ropes, duck, high knee from Triple H. Tag to X-Pac, kick, scoop - and a slam. Off the ropes, lightning legdrop. Snap elbowdrop. Font face - Shane trying to get to his corner - one step - another - Triple H in to keep Hebner from noticing the tag. One more UPN 31 crawl. DX Doubleteam as Hebner removes Test. Triple H with a blatant chokehold. Straight right. Tag to X-Pac. Nice suplex. Shot to Test to bring him in - X-Pac puts Shane in place - Helmsely holding him - whoops, he ducked and X-Pac ends up hitting Helmslely instead. Shane crawling to his corner - X-Pac grabbing him by the hair, but Shane's trick knee acts up and now everybody is down. Tag to Triple H - tag to Test! Test is a house on fire! Big boot for you! Sidewalk slam for you! Test catches the spinning heel kick attempt and drops X-Pac. Triple H manages a clothesline. Off the ropes, duck, boot to the gut, Meltdown - 1, 2, X-Pac breaks up the count. Here's Shane with the ANNOYING SPEAR! X-Pac and Shane end up outside the ring while Test climbs the ropes to deliver the elbow onto the Game. But....the NEW AGE OUTLAWS are out - Test is crotched while the ref is again distracted. Gunn on Shane now. X-Factor on Test - breaking the nose again, no doubt - Triple H hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3. (5:23) But DX isn't done - Shane rolled back into the ring and everybody gets their shots. Triple H decks Hebner to take him out of the picture. Knee to the 'nards from Triple H. Now set up in the corner for X-Pac to gain some revenge for all those broncobusters he'd been doing. Ring that bell, see if it'll help. BILLIONAIRE VINCE appears at the top of the ramp and points...but he can't get any closer. Triple H has Shane up for the Pedigree - aaaaaayup. Vince cringes - then goes back. When he re-emerges, he's got the HARDY BOYZ with him. The Hardys rush the ring and now EDGE & CHRISTIAN are with them to even things up. Whoops, now the HOLLYS are out. Well here's KANE. Hell, bring out the whole locker room....yep, there's PRINCE ALBERT. There's BALD VENIS and there's D'LO BROWN. YES!! STEVE BLACKMAN! The MEAN STREET POSSE is out - TOO COOL - HEAD BANGERS - DUDLEY BOYZ - ACOLYTES...Faarooq *finally* delivers the food fight I've been waiting all night for by giving Bradshaw pies to use on other folks. Quickly, everything devolves as food of all sorts is sent flying. Turkey, potatoes, salad...and at the end of it all, we cut between Vince and Triple H - words are exchanged but we can't make them out. We take a look at Jerry Lawler, brandishing a turkey leg and proclaiming this "the greatest Thanksgiving I've ever seen in my entire life!" ...just in time, of course, to turn around and get a pie in the face from Moolah. Hey, check out the hand cues from the stage manager - he's counting Cole down from five! FADE OUT!

You know what was REALLY weird? I must still be conditioned, because I STILL kept waiting to hear the breaking glass...