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TV-PG-DLV (sigh) - One World Leader Attitude - WWF

Let Us Take You Back to that Savage, Savage Song - slo-mo's of everyone walking the aisle to the ring - awww, Stephanie and Vince seem so HAPPY - awww, Andrew seems so SWEATY - lookit that perfectly framed "TEST - JUST SAY NO" sign - lookit Triple H - lookit that video - lookit the passed-out Stephanie - naah, I don't think Vince was snickering there...

Backstage, Vince brandishes a bat - Shane asks a stupid question ("What is your problem?" Ummm....), then tells him there's a better way to do this than coming within fifty feet, using the bat, and then hittin' the pokey - Shane dares Vince to get through him if he's gonna go through with it. Thousands yell "DO IT!" but Vince just paces menacingly instead...

Opening Credits and closed captioned logo

SMACKDOWN! It's SMACKDOWN! The Arrowhead Pond at Anaheim, CA 2.12.99 (taped 30.11) hosts SMACKDOWN! FIREWORKS! SMACKDOWN! En Espanol donde sea disponible! SMACKDOWN!

STEPHANIE HELMSLEY walks to the ring with a heavy heart - they're BOOING her? Brutal, cold, SoCal - I love it. Listen here: "I'd like to ask my brother and my father to come to the ring - because I have something to say to them. I have something to say to my friends and my family - I have something to say to my fiancee - and I have something to say to all of you." Backstage, Shane says "Enough is enough" a few times. Vince won't surrender the bat. Dave Hebner arrives to tell the McMahons that Stephanie is calling to them from the ring She NEEDS them. Back to the ring-- "The only person that I have to blame is myself. And I accept full responsibility for everything that happened in Las Vegas. I should have known better - I shouldn't have partied so hard - I shouldn't have drank so much, and I certainly shouldn't have taken that last drink from a bartender I didn't even know - who I now know was working for Triple H. I know I was drugged - I don't remember anything that happened shortly after I took that drink. I--I don't even remember how I got to my hotel room. I was just as shocked as anyone last Monday night on RAW when Triple H aired the video of us getting MARRIED. I felt - disgusted. I felt cheap...and I felt violated. I'd like to publicly apologise to those whom I might have hurt - especially my friends and my family, and my fiancee Andrew. I only hope that Andrew can - can maybe find it in his heart to forgive me. But as far as Triple H is concerned, I will NEVER forgive him for wrecking my life. You used me as a tool, Triple H - you wanted - you wanted to hurt my father - and guess what? It worked. He's crushed. So I have one piece of advice for you, Triple H - what goes around...comes around." BILLIONAIRE VINCE & SKIPPY come to the ring, surprisingly without musical accompaniment. Vince still wields the bat. "Dad, Shane, I've asked you to come to the ring because I know what your intentions are, and it's not what I want. Dad, you and my big brother have coddled me and protected me all my life, but it's time for me to stand on my own. I got myself into this, and I'll get myself out - no, I want you both to promise me - you both need to promise me - that you will let me handle this - my way. So that, so that maybe I can hold on to some, some shred of integrity. Shane - will you promise me? Please promise me." "I promise." "Dad? Dad, PLEASE promise me, please, I need to do this on my own...Daddy...Daddy, if you love me, if you love me, you'll promise me." Shane cajoles Vince until he barks out "I promise," and then leaves. Ahh, THERE'S "No Chance in Hell." Vince lumbers up the ramp while Shane takes Steph's hand and they walk back up the ramp arm-in-arm.

Viscera spruces up backstage and talks to himself. Like he NEEDS that pick comb. Whoops, guess he was talking about Tori, 'cause Kane is in there and a brawl's broken out. Let's take us some ad break!

May I repeat myself here? I'm CONVINCED that the tobacco companies make those teen anti-tobacco commercials so cheesy ON PURPOSE - come on, you think they WANT them to work? "Tobacco is whacko" - puh-LEEZE.

And now, Lugz brings you the WWF Boot of the Week! From RAW, X-Pac's boot spinning in a heel kick (so to speak) 'pon the lovely countenance of Tori - well, sorta lovely...

Back to real time, VISCERA and KANE have brawled out to the ring and now a match has broken out!

VISCERA v. KANE - Kane with "what an enzuigiri," Viscera with "what a belly-to-belly," and I think we all know that there's no need to bother. Fortunately, before we realise what a crappy matchup this is, a voice rings out: "Kane - I'd like to say that when I spinkicked your old ladie's head off that it was an accident, but quite frankly I can't say that at all - 'cause you see, it was SO intentional!" Go figure, Kane is up after X-PAC just slowly enough to not make it before referee "Blind" Mike Chioda gets to ten (COR 1:59) - but Viscera's music is cut short when Kane comes back in and cleans house, culminating in the chokeslam. X-Pac back out - Kane's thumb crosses his throat - and then he makes flames appear as if he's entering the ring. For some reason, THIS time it scares X-Pac.

Al Snow watches highlights from Monday - namely, the Rock's People's Elbow on Al Snow. Over and over and over...Mankind happens by and cheers the footage. Snow warns Mankind that tonight he's finally going to take the Rock apart...

"WWF SmackDown! is sport entertainment featuring trained professionals. If you try these moves at home, you're a complete jackass who deserves the paralysis you're undoubtedly risking."

When we come back, Mankind is looking for Rocky. He's also pilfering some candy canes.

EDGE & CHRISTIAN (you think?) v. THE HARDY BOYZ - WHOOPS, CHECK THAT - THE DUDLEY BOYZ - Let Us Take You Back to RAW and a fun, fun card game between the Acolytes and the Dudleyz. D-Von and Edge - chain wrestling to start - wait, D-Von knows chain wrestling? Off the ropes, knockdown, off the ropes, leapfrog, hip toss, dropkick, armdrag into an armbar. Tag to Christian, both men take him into the corner, all fours splash from Christian. Nice dropkick for 2. Off the ropes, duck, big-time shoulderblock from Dudley - Tag to Buh Buh Ray. Right, elbow, right, elbow, I smell a pattern, right, off the ropes, got him up - Christian with a flying head scissors to counter. Edge sneaks in a right. Into the corner - Christian up - punching D-Von - Buh Buh Ray counters into a spinebuster. Punch for Edge to distract him, and they do the "D-Von flying headbutt to the crotch" spot. Cover - only 2. Into the corner, punches, whip, reverse, elbow up - second rope, Sunset flip by D-Von - Christian rolls through, reverse into a Toronto Crab - Edge in to distract for some reason - ahh, Buh Buh Ray breaking it up. D-Von into a cover - only 2. Tag to Buh Buh Ray - right hand to the exposed ribs. "Let's go right hand! You piece of cr-cr-cr-..." Headbutt. Words for Edge, but he almost manages to not be distracted. Big clothesline by Dudley - 2 count. Christian elbowing to come back - off the ropes, big crossbody block. Can he make the tag? D-Von keeps referee "Blind" Tim White from seeing it. Meanwhile, they exchange behind his back - choke - on the top turnbuckle he's placed - Christian trying to kick him away - D-Von's got him - but Christian turns it into a "reverse DDT!" And NOW we have that hot tag! HOSUE A FIRE! Spinning heel kick on B.B. Ray! Scoop - and a slam for D-Von! Edge ducks a clotheslinen and Buh Buh Ray hits his half-brother. But Buh Buh Ray manages a fallaway slam on Edge. Second rope - Edge pops up and hits him in the 'nards. Top rope Frankensteiner by Edge - but Edge holds the knee. D-Von tagged in - big cross body and Edge is too hurt to do anything about it. 1, 2, 3. (5:56) Christian in to try to help out but he's one and there's two Dudleyz in there. Buh Buh Ray with a half crab to make it worse - now the ACOLYTES are out, not to help, but just to get some. The Dudleys are chased off, and Christian stands over his brother again...

Backstage, Stephanie anxiously paces, waiting for Test. What will be said? Let's watch some ads while we're all waiting!

Hooray! My first "Clapper" ad of the year! SCARE AWAY BURGLARS!!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago where Edge "jimmied it, man." Looks like an excuse to notice that Barbara Bush is here, to me. Or is that too cynical?

D'LO BROWN v. BRITISH BULLDOG (with Mean Street Posse) for the European Championship - D'Lo wearing a LUGZ T-shirt. Ewwww. D'Lo says that everybody knows who the best European champion is, and it's the only guy to hold it four times. He's the only guy who brought PRESTIGE to the title - he's gonna take his size 13 Lugz and stick 'em where the sun don't shine. Lugz? D'Lo better DIVIDE AND CONQUER with four men walking his way! Referee "Blind" Chad Patten decides to flex his rookie muscle and bars the Posse from the ringside area. Brown is all over him with fists to start, whip is reversed, duck, kick from Brown, off the ropes, duck, into a powerslam from Brown! Right, out of the corner, gutshot, ready for a powerbomb but Bulldog turns it into a body scissors that flips them both over. There's a slam, and there's 2. Bulldog disputes the count for a rather longish time. Off the ropes, reversed, over, over again, Brown takes Bulldog to the floor over the top rope. Brown ready to go after him but Patten holding him back. Now BALD VENIS is out and stomping away on Bulldog. Brown outside and working over *Venis*. In the ring they go, whip is reversed, follow lariat. Patten figures out that this ain't the Bulldog and calls for the bell. (DQ 1:56) Now all THREE men fighting in the ring. Venis takes Bulldog out of the ring, but Brown hits Sky-Hi on Venis. I sense that these issues are far from over...

Here's another look at Stephanie - a limo arrives...it's Triple H! Hey there's one of those creepy Aphex Twin facial expressions from Triple H - excellent! "Honey... I'm home!"

WWF WrestleMania 2000 ad.

..........UPN!

Here's a look at the Pond - the home of WrestleMania 2000! This Saturday, wwf.com presents your ONLY chance to get tix via mail order! WrestleMania XVI is Sunday, 2 April 2000!

Are you ready? D-GENERATION X comes to ringside - sans Triple H, that is. They are wheeling shopping carts full of - wedding presents? into the ring. X-Pac speak first, yo: "Since we're at Killacali, bow down when DX comes to your town! You know what makes DX so great...is that we do what we say and say what we do, and Kane, I say what I'm doing to you at Armageddon is I'm gonna beatcha, I'm gonna humiliate you in front of your old lady, and then I just might, for all the people in the crowd and all the people around the world, rip that mask off and show everyboy what you been hidin' under there for so long! Yo, Billy, tell 'em the dilly." "Now, Armageddon, the New Age Outlaws - THE greatest tag team EVER in the World Wrestling Federation - put the tag team titles on the line against (heh) the Rock & Sock Connection. Now Mick, I read your book and couldn't even get by the Introduction, it was so horrible - and Rocky, I think you've said it best, so at Armageddon, the New Age Outlaws will show the Rock & Sock Connection why you ABSOLUTELY SUCK!" "The future, the future, but there's no time like the present - you see tonight, it's New Age Outlaws, X to the P to the A to the C, against the Hardy Boyz and the WWF Champion, the Big Show! Well Hardy Boyz, up until now, the New Age Outlaws have been making you - tonight, we start breaking you! You see, you've acquired the services of the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, The Big Show Paul Wight, but even D-Generation X can overcome that obstacle! You see, Paul Wight, you're not a mountain that we can't climb - but enough about us. This week is a week of joyous celebration, so now, without further ado - ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages...D-Generation X proudly brings to you--no, no, no... not only is he the Game, not only is he our faithful leader, but he is the latest member of the McMahon family - TRIPLE H - HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY!" "No Chance in Hell" (!) starts up and out bounds Triple H in Vince mask...when he removes it, HIS music kicks in and as he brandishes his wedding ring once again - wow, Triple H sure got pretty damn cool all of a sudden. (Oops, did I say that?) Congratulations are shared. Helmsley says he's a little bit tired, but feeling pretty good. Dogg says they've bought a few presents - first up is a McMahon family portrait with Triple H's head added to the background. "I didn't think anybody could have a bigger head than Vince!" "Two toasters? I could NEVER heat up that many buns at once! Proctor-Silex - that's a good model right here!" There's an iron...Billy Gunn offers a gift he picked out himself - lingerie. "Is that even in your size?" "I don't think that's is gonna fit me!" "I don't know, it looked great on ME!" "Are these babies crotchless?" "Yeah, I think so..." X-Pac is kinda bummed out - he got the same thing..."it'll look great on her, I'll tell you that right now - HIS box is empty. Dogg gives a front row ticket to Armageddon - for Stephanie to watch Triple H destroy her father. H compliments their thoughtfulness, reminds us that Stephanie's father is in fact his father-in-law, and she'll get to watch him get the living crap kicked out of him. He'll even up the ante by making his match with Vince "Anything Goes." Oh boy, and I was *worried* that we'd have a straight wrestling match between these two! For an encore, Triple H promises to beat Vince until he can no longer stand up.

Mankind's caught up to the Rock and warns him about Al Snow's mental state - Rock starts to tell us how he doesn't fear "Al," when suddenly Snow climbs on Rock's back and wails away. Mankind pulls them apart - and Snow yells at him to stay out of it...

Moments Ago, that last paragraph happened. This time, we not only get it with a "Moments Ago" in the corner, but also with a TV-PG-DLV ratings box in another corner!

Stephanie is still waiting for "her former fiancee." Check.

Tonight's show brought to you by THQ's WrestleMania 2000, WWF: The Music (Volume 4) available at Hasting's, and Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six!

MANKIND comes out for a chat with the fans - and you and I! "Hello Anaheim! You know, I like to think that I don't ask for a whole lot of favours - but I'd like everybody to do this Sunday, here in California, around the country - is go down to your local store, pick up the New York Times, because they sell that Sunday edition everywhere - I want you to look at the bestseller section...in the book section and I think you'll see that on the bestseller list - well we've got a couple of ex-presidents, we got three presidential hopefuls, we got the first man who walked on the moon, we got two Pulitzer Prize winners, and we got the Dalai Lama, and at the very top of that list...at #1 - well, you got a first-time author named Mick Foley - and he's kickin' their asses! So it's gonna real difficult for me to come out here and thank all the book critics, because they're too damn stupid to read it themselves - I can't thank the magazines and the newspapers because it's beneath them to read a book that a pro wrestler wrote, so what I'm gonna have to do is thank wrestling fans around this country for making MY little book Numero Uno! Which is very nice, but I gotta be honest, it's kinda hard to sit back and enjoy that when I got a situation going on where my two best friends are at each other's throats - what I'd like to do is kinda make an emotional appeal to both Al Snow for acting like a total idiot, and the Rock, although I know at this point Al deserves it, to maybe put your situations aside, forget about this whole thing, and let's make it maybe - the Rock & Sock & Al Connection." The Y2J countdown interrupts proceedings and there is CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO making noise at the top of the ramp. "Could you please, please cut it with the sentimental, sappy BS? I mean, you're out here whining and complaining - 'my two best friends are fighting, I don't know what to do' - I got news for ya - both those two idiots aren't your friends - that hate you! Everybody hates you! All the people at home - all these people in this arena hate you! And most importantly, Y2J hates you. And you wanna brag and boast about a #1 Bestselling book? Big deal! The only reason anybody bought your book in the first place is they were hoping that you would die at the end of it! That's why I'm BEGGING you and PLEADING with you...please accept my challenge of a match tonight, and that way, when I write MY highly-anticipated autobiography, I can entitle the first chapter 'ANAHEIM! THE NIGHT I ENDED THAT PATHETIC FEEBLE-MINDED MIKE FOLEY'S CAREER'" "Wait, wait, wait, Y2J, what you're saying is you want a match tonight? See, I've got a little better idea, 'cause I don't feel like taking my fat ass and walking it up the ramp and back down the ramp, so I say...let's have our little match right about now!" Wow, good thing Teddy Long's just been STANDING there that whole time...

MANKIND v. CHRIS THURSDAY JERICHO - Lockup, to the corner, clean break? Open handed slap from Jericho. Lockup, to the corner again, clean break again, no, another slap. Mankind removes his mask and tells Jericho to slap him again. And again. And again. Well, I think that's enough for Mick - he WAILS away on him now. In the cornere, there's the running knee. Clothesline takes Jericho to the floor. Up on the second rope - Jericho scatters and the crowd boos. Jericho back in but Mankind catches him. Right, into the corner, off the ropes with a bulldog. Mankind to the apron - suplex attempt is blocked - again - Jericho with a hot shot to turn the tide - springboard from the top rope into a SWEET dropkick that takes Foley to the floor. Jericho tries a clothesline from the apron but eats a right instead. Into the chair. Mankind grabs the chair, Long tries to wrest it from him, Foley turns back around and Jericho dropkicks the chair into Foley's face. Back in we go, Jericho all over him with knees and elbows. Into the opposite corner, Mankind puts up a tennis shoe, out of the corner, Jericho shoots under, double leg takedown...Jericho going for the Walls of Jericho, but before he can turn him, Mankind slips in a Mandible Claw (WHAT? WITHOUT THE SOCK?!?) Jericho breaks it with a kick to the nuts. Off the ropes, head down, Mankind with a piledriver. Kick, off the ropes, duck, flying jalapeno from Jericho and both men are down. Well here's THAT SLUT CHYNA & MISS KITTY to make sure we get no celan finish. Kitty distracting Long while Chyna gets another waffle on Jericho with the IC title belt. Mankind's now got the sock - but accidentally bumping into Kitty and knocking her off the apron! Mankind turns back to see if she's okay - Jericho up with a schoolboy - holy shit - 1, 2, 3! Jericho! Jericho! Jericho! Jericho! (4:31) Needless to say, Jericho asks Long to raise his hand several times.

Let Us Take You Back to Survivor Series and the hit-n-run on Stone Cold Steve Austin. Cole tells us that neck surgery is required and Austin WILL go under the knife. For more, we're encouraged to visit wwf.com.

Good God! CHIA LOONEY TUNES! SURELY this is a sign of the impending apocalypse!

Test has arrived - sweet deal to not have to show up until 77 minutes into the show, eh? - and he wants to know where Stephanie is.

OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST & CELEBRATED REAL ATHLETE KURT ANGLE & STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. HEAD BANGERS - Angle up first: "As all of you know, I am the most celebrated *real* athlete in WWF history! And tonight, I am willing to give another *real* athlete the opportunity to team up with me, the greatest wrestler in the whole entire world - thank you. Now, to compare an Olympic gold medalist with a black belt in martial arts would be somewhat degrading to my many, many accomplishments - but I am willing to give Mr. Blackman a chance to prove himself to me and to all of you - my wonderful fans." Who'd win between Steve Blackman and Kid Romeo in a glowin' stick match? Blackman doesn't exactly want to shake hands with Angle. Tix on sale Sunday for the Royal Rumble - at MSG! Wahoo! Angle wants to start first, Mosh meets him in the ring, knee from Mosh, to a side headlock, countered, off the roeps, shoulderblock, off the ropes, leapfrog, other, clothesline by Mosh, scoop - and a slam, legdrop, cover, 1. To the corner, tag to Thrasher. Gutshot, clubbin' forearm, kick, set on the top rope, tag to Mosh, Beverly Brothers up'n'over into a sitdown. Blackman decides that he'll never win letting THIS continue, so he comes in with a superkick to Mosh and a shove to Angle outside the ring. Mosh with a surprise rollup for 2. Angle, on the outside, is a little unhappy about this, nobody telling him that this is a lucha rules match. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, off the ropes again, Blackman puts up a chop - now with karate chops on Mosh. Backbreaker across the knee. Nice swandive headbutt from the second rope - better than Benoit's! Well, maybe not - but it gets 2. Mosh sidesteps a charge in the corner, then manages a side suplex - Blackman crawls to Angle and makes the tag, Mosh manages a hot tag to Thrasher. HOUSE ON FIRE! Down you go! Clothesline! Another! Clothesline! Scoop slam of Angle - 2 count, Angle kicks out and Blackman breaks it up. Pairing up, each Banger is whipped into the other - there's a little slamdance in the centre of the ring. Blackman surprises Mosh with the Lethal Kick, as Thrasher clotheslines Angle down. Blackman hits a Lethal Kick on *Thrasher*, who falls backward into a reverse fireman's carry from Angle - oh yeah, it's 3. (2:55) Angle goes into his celebratory histrionics, while Blackman - LOOKS ON! WOW! No, apparently, the gist is that Blackman doesn't know what to make of all this. Cole says Blackman won the match wtih his kicks - yer damn right - and Lawler offers, "he's just shocked to be so close to greatness!"

Test meets Stephanie. Hug isn't returned. "I was drugged, I was drugged, I don't remember anything, I mean, I know it was my fault...I still love you, love you. Do you...still love me?" "Steph, I don't know what to feel anymore." And he turns and walks off. Geez, Mr. Cameraman, have a heart! We don't HAVE to watch Stephanie cry!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - "Do you...still love me?" "Steph, I don't know what to feel anymore." Man, just like LAST time!

Stephanie finds consolation in Daddy's arms. Vince says "he'll come around - give him some time." Stephanie: "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."

WWF Armageddon is ten days away and MechWarrior 3 makes it possible!

CRASH HOLLY (with Hardcore & Scale Holly) v. RIKISHI (with Too Cool) - Hardcore joins our pair of kings - MICHAEL KING COLE and JERRY LAWLER - at the commentary table. Rikishi comes to the ring with Too Cool's music instead of his cool music - also he's lost his last name. Crash gets first blow, and that's about it. Rikishi stole the Diamond Cutter! Anyway...oh, it's over. (Sitout piledriver -> pin :52) Very impressive for Rikishi to hoist the 505 pounds of Crash on his shoulder like that. NOW IS ZE TIME ON SHMACKDOWN VENN VE DAHNSE!

The Rock - is - IS - *WALKING*!

If you think the WWF fights dirty, check out Dilbert! UPN Tuesday!

Hey, in that "Tobacco is Whacko" ad, the dude's smoking "Plantation" cigarettes. Call me funny, but that sounds kinda RACIST. I think I better write somebody a letter!

Now that we're TV-PG again, we can bring back the toy ads! "TitanTron Live!" "PLAY TIME'S OVER!" YEAH! I SURE MISS THE TOY ADS!!!

And now, the WWF slam of the Week, brought to you by THQ's WrestleMania 2000 for the N64 - from RAW, Al Snow gets the Rock & Sock Connection disqualified, and suffers the People's Elbow as a aresult.

Wow, ANOTHER exterior of the Pond - must be time for another WM tix plug!

LA ROCA v. AL SNOW - interesting that this is NOT our main event, isn't it? "Finally, the Rock has come back to Anaheim! Now, to the jabrones in the TV truck, the Rock says run the footage of what just took place." "Earlier Tonight" footage again shows us Snow attacking Rock from behind. "Al Snow, you wanna jump the Rock from behind like a true candyass? Well the Rock says, let him tell you what is going to exactly take place tonight. In about a minute and thirty seconds when the Rock stops talking, your crappy music is gonna play, you're gonna walk down that ramp, the Rock is gonna get out of this ring, meet you at that ramp, and begin to whip your monkey ass all over Anaheim!" (sniff - "Rock E") "And when the Rock is ready, in the middle of the People's Ring, on the Rock's show, (SmackDown!) and more importantly than that, in front of the millions...and millions of the Rock's fans, the Rock is going to deliver the most electrifying move in Sports Entertainment, the People's Elbow. One, two, three. If ya smellllllalalalalalalalowww...what the Rock.... ... ... ... ... ... is cookin'." True to his word, Rock meets Snow on the ramp. Rock ducks the Head and lets loose with fists. Into the STEEL steps, in the ring, opening bell. Snow gets the upperhand as Rock enters. "Rock E" chant as Rock reverses into a lariat. Head to the buckle. Right hand. Head to the buckle. Into the corner, Snow slides out, ducks, and hits an unusual jawbreaker. Right hands from Snow. In the back, Mankind wathces on a screen as Snow takes Rock into the corner, but he pops out with a swinging neckbreaker. Rock takes Snow outside and follows. Face first into the announce table. Whip into, reversal, into referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. Snow grabs a chair and WAYLAYS Rock with it. To the ribs, to the shoulder, again, Snow takes his head to the table, into the ring, cover - Chioda slowly in - 1, 2, no! Scoop slam from Snow. Snow motions to the top rope - and the fans boo. MOONSAULT! 1, 2, no! I hate the Rock, too! Rock reverses and there's a backdrop suplex. Snow and Rock up at about the same time, Rock sidesteps the charge and puts him in the corner, right, right, right, out of the corner, bringing him back, Samoan Drop, 2 count! Rock with rights. Snow reverses, knee ot the gut, repeated elbows to the back. Whip is reversed, there's a spinebuster from the Rock. Just like Monday...and it's time for the People's Elbow. Oh well. 1, 2, 3. Pin me, pay me. (4:54) Snow outside - he's got Head - and he CLOCKS Rock from behind! Back in the ring, stomping away! And now the NEW AGE OUTLAWS are out to take advantage of a chance to work over half of their Armageddon opponents. MANKIND is out swinging a chair to make the save - the Outlaws scatter but Snow *almost* needs a love tap before he clears out and gets off the Rock.

WWFwired.com brings you interactive Austin! Pour beer on him and watch him give you the bird!

Let Us Take You Back to the pin. Hey, somebody threw a Taco Bell stuffed dog into the ring just before it! Like we want REMINDERS of Pepper. Just afterwards, the Outlaws...and later, Mankind...

NEW AGE OUTLAWS & X-PAC v. HARDY BOYZ (with Terri) & WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW - I can almost SMELL the run-in! Hey, Matt Hardy busted out the "guns" hand signal! King Ass and Matt Hardy start. Lockup, to the corner, Ass with a kick, right, off the ropes, hiptoss is countered, clothesline ducked, up and over, Hardy with rights, off the ropes, duck, arm drag by Hardy, another, hip toss, Ass rolls out of the ring and says "drat!" Or something similar, anyway. Whew, they're fast. Gunn complaining of a hairpull - ooh, sneaky. Back in the ring...tag to the Road Dogg. Lockup, arm wringer from the Dogg. Reversed, right, right, right, tag to Jeff, into the ropes, double back elbow, patented doubleteam senton/elbowdrop combo, cover for 2. Off the ropes, Jeff slides under the bottom rope and dares him to come at him, then as Dogg tries the dropkick, sliding through to the outside, Hardy flips over the top rope. Baseball slide dropkick, stomp. Everybody back in, moonsault finds nothing but Hardy lands on his feet, but he walked into Dogg's left, left, left, juke, jive, right combo. Wiggly wobbly woomly kneedrop. Dogg throws him out and Ass and X-Pac have some fun with Jeff while referee "Blind" Tim White is distracted. Dogg tries the Ultimo Dragon kick between the shoulderblades, what range! X-Pac in now and stomping away. Elbowdrop. Snapmaring him over, into the chinlock. Jeff elbows out, off the ropes, duck, head scissors by Jeff (landing on his head in the process) but he walks into a spinning heel kick after missing a clothesline. Tag to Mr. Ass. Gunn dares him to get up, then stomps on him to prevent him from getting up. Tag to Dogg, double whip - double...well, whatever they were trying to do (backdrop?), it was reversed into a double DDT. Big Show wants the tag - and he'll get it. See ya, X-Pac. Nice knowin' ya, Mr. Ass. Down ya go, Road Dogg. X-Pac on the top rope, Show calmly strides over and then beals him with one hand into the Outlaws. Now everybody's in - all fours leg lariat by Jeff on Dogg - one on Gunn misses, but Jeff lands on the top turnbuckle. While he gets into position, Matt hits a swinging DDT - Show over - Jeff with the sentonbomb off Show's shoulders (!) - 1, 2, X-Pac breaks it up. Off the ropes, Matt Hardy with a second rope springboard into a Sunset flip on X-Pac - 1, 2, 3! (5:33) As the Hardyz and Big Show pose for the crowd with their backs to the ramp - oops - BIG BOSSMAN lets loose with the nightstick, then runs off. DX, seeing everybody down, decide to get back in the ring and strike. Now here's LA ROCA running out to take some measure of revenge against the Outlaws for earlier tonight. MANKIND is also out. And now KANE is out to take care of X-Pac. The rest of the refs (hmm, Earl Hebner's got the night off?) are out to separate everybody...and we're gone.

I sure miss all the sex and violins.