Hello reader(s?), and welcome to YOUR Stampede Wrestling recap. Before we get started in this painful process, allow me to answer a few questions.

Question: Why in the hell are you recapping this show?
Answer: Well, I was so desperate to get the overly famous "CRZ rub," that I was willing to do anything possible. It turned out that nobody was recapping this show (and I wonder why?)

Spot the Simpsons quotes and win something shiny!

Question: "I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter."
Answer: That's not a question professor... But regardless, to hear (well, read I guess) my opinions on music, movies, why I should be running NBC and everything in between, sign up to ED-ucation! Send me an email at stelcomp@mb.sympatico.ca

BTW, my name's Ed (Educator? ED-ucation! HAHAHAHAHAHA. I rule.)

Alice In Chains:
And the dog gets beat...
Shove my nose in shit
Won't you come and save me?
              Man In The Box

The Educator's Rhetorical Question:
Why does CRZ have like 4000 records, and only 3 of them are Alice In Chains?

And Finally..... STAMPEDE WRESTLING
Saturday, February 19th, 2000
Live from some shithole in Calgary...... Alberta, CANADA.
On the "A" Channel where the "A" is for "Entertainment"

Okay everyone, I've watched this show twice and stopped watching two months ago, so bear with me if it takes a few weeks for me to find out what the hell is going on.

WOW! What an intro, complete with explosions and everything! Somebody down in the production truck knows how to use Shockwave! It should be noted that the intro prominently features Tatanka and some guy who looks like Jim Neidhart but not so fat. WHAT STAR POWER!

Your host is MAURO RANALLO, who will be joined shortly by BAD NEWS BROWN (screw his real last name) and Bambi.

THIS AFTERNOON: The 2/3 Finals of the International Tag Team Title Tournament (try saying that three times fast), with "Hot Shot" Johnny Devine and Greg "The Pistol" Pawluck facing off against The Shark Tank's "Dirty" Dick Raines and Tiger Kahn.

Also: classic Stampede! Bad Company! The Masters of Disasters! THE BRITISH BULLDOGS!!!!!! HOLY HELL THIS MIGHT NOT SUCK!!!!!

Match # 1) From August 1986 we have the Vietcong Express taking on OWEN HART (!) and Ben Bassarab. We start mid-match with Bassarab nailing a frog splash onto The Golden Grappler! 1..2..No! The other guy (you'll know his name when I do) breaks it up. They exchange pretty crappy blows, and the Grappler slaps him a few times, so Bassarab hulks up! We're only a minute in and he's already trying to unmask his opponent! The Silver Fox (which I'm told is the other guy's name) prevents him, and the Grappler makes a tag. The crowd is allegedly going wild if you believe the announcers. Spin kick gets a 2. Mule kick, and Benny is thrown into the corner, but he clotheslines the Fox on his way out! (Which the Silver Fox somehow manages to sell by falling forward... okay....). Bassarab with the JUMPING tag to Owen! Drop-kick! Headscissors! European Uppercuts! Kicks! What can't he do? Double Underhook Suplex, Vertical Suplex and Backbreaker for 2 each. And Owen has run out of moves already so he does another backbreaker. In comes Bassarab, and with the ref distracted they nail da Fox with a DOUBLE Tombstone piledriver. Owen for the cover, but that damn Golden Grappler with an EL KABONG-ish maneuver (with a kendo stick or something) to turn the tide. Fox and Grappler do the double switch that the Harris Boys have perfected in recent years. Of course, their masks have different colors, but no one cares. Grappler for the cover and the three. Your winners are the Vietcong Express. (4:15 aired). *1/4. Better then a normal RAW tag match at least.

Commercial break. Only on the "A" channel do we get commercial's for the "Manitoba Farmer's Report," the area's top ranked TV show.

Match # 2) Bret (!!) and Keith Hart vs. Duke Myers and Kerry Brown. We start with Bret cleaning house. Backbreaker gets 1. Bret does some more schtuff before getting low blowed, and in comes Duke Myers. Elbow to the throat, and Myers is tired already so he tags in Brown. Another elbow to the throat. Crowd chants "Go Bret Go" (isn't it supposed to be "Let's go Bret"?), and just because he has their support, he manages to kick out of a backbreaker, then backdrops out of a piledriver. Bret takes Keith, who seemingly can't do anything but punch, and the two brothers cross-corner whip the Masters of Disaster right into each other! What MOTHERFUCKERS! Nice drop-kick by Keith, thus disproving my theory. Figure Four by Keith! But that damn Brown nails him with "knuckle-dusters" (announcers words, not mine). Keith blades as Brown is tagged in, and does some diabolical stuff to further open the wound. In comes Duke, and the crowd chants "Go Keith Go" this time around. Keith punches (what else) to turn the tide, and in comes Bret!! GOD LORD HE'S KICKING ASS! It's all punches and kicks but I love Bret to much to care. Keith Hart is a pussy and leaves to match because of that wimpy, self-inflicted cut on his forehead, so of course Bret is double-teams. Then, out of nowhere (and after two clear match clips), Brown gets a "Red Card?" and is DQ'ed. Okay, that was odd. (7:25 aired) *.

Match # 3) The British Bulldogs (!!!) vs. The Cuban Commandos. And we start at the beginning of the match for once, from November 1988. Those dastardly Commandos attack them before the match. They work on Davey for awhile (Damnit, I can't call him the British Bulldog or I'll confuse everyone...) But he POWERS out of a pin attempt! What strength! Then he turns his back on Gerry Moreau to attack the Cuban Assassin. What stupidity! Luckily Dynamite Kid is there to save his sorry ass. Davey with a double drop-kick! After a crappy noggin-knocker by Davey Boy, we get a nice match clip, and we return with Kid on the ground, avoiding some crappy move off the top rope by when of the gay Cuban guys. Moreau I think. The Cuban Assassin is the guy who looks like a fat-ass Castro, right? Anyway, after some crappy double team moves, those Cuban assholes role out of the ring for the countouts. You know, the Bulldogs kind of sucked in that match, considering they had already been WWF stars..... (2:36 aired) 1/4*

Buy MaCain Deep and Delicious Pan Pizza Today! Or so I'm told.

Match # 4) Bruce Hart and FLYING BRIAN PILLMAN (!!!!) vs. Jacques and Jill Dephassi. Oh great, I have to watch Bruce Hart twice within a half hour. Once again we start somewhere in the middle of the match, which takes place in October 1987. What the hell? Okay, I was just typing what the screen told be, because in reality it appears that the match is....

Match # 4, attempt 2) Billy Jack Haynes and Bruce Hart versus Dynamite Kid and Duke Myers. Right... gotta love those Stampede production guys. DAMNIT, there's no Brian Pillman and Bruce Hart is STILL in the match. At least Dynamite will save the say. Man, Billy Jack Haynes is in great shape. Match essentially starts with Haynes pressing both opponents off the top rope (not at the same time of course... Would that be cool...). Wicked backdrop on Kid. This guy can bump, bay-bee. Dynamite turns it around, and makes the tag to the Duke, who immediately does some shitty resthold. Sigh. High impact headbutt, and Duke goes to tag. And Dynamite doesn't tag him, JUST TO PISS ME OFF. That evil Kid nails Haynes with a martial arts stick (the kendo stick of 1987), and tags in, thank god. But he does some crappy moves AND TAGS BACK? But Myers sucks! 10 seconds of crappy offense later, and Kid comes off the top with a knee to the ribs. That was pretty okay. Crowd is chanting "Go Haynes Go" (notice the pattern with the chants YET?). Kid taunts a bit, throws some punches, and tags in his opponent, which seems to be the ongoing pattern. The INCREDIBLY STUPID Bruce Hart enters the ring, so of course the ref has to stop him and the heels double team Haynes, blah, blah, blah, I'm sure you all know the formula by now. Myers with a 1,2,3? They sure go in for these anticlimactic endings. Wow, Bruce didn't actually wrestle, for an extra quarter star. After the match, Bruce Hart comes in to take out both opponents, thus subtracting the same quarter star, because every time he throws a punch I have to see his fat get thrown around. (5:42 aired). *1/2. Not bad at all, and Dynamite is always good, but just not exciting.

Commercial Break.

Back to the ring, where Renallo is busy interviewing some old guy. I know I'm supposed to recap the whole interview and such, but nothing of value happens, so I won't bother.

Main Event: 2/3 Falls Match for the International Tag Team Titles, Johnny Devine and Greg Pawluck facing Dick Raines and Tiger Kahn.
First Fall: BAD, BAD, BAD NEWS BROWN, THE BADDEST MAN IN THE WHOLE DAMN TOWN joins us for commentary, which is a good thing. Mauro Renallo seems pretty litterarily inclined, using a whole slew of words I don't understand like "truculent" and "recalcitrant." Pawluk and Raines do a basic yet decent enough armbar-reversing sequence, ending with a release waistlock suplex by Pawluk, as both sides tag out. Johnny Devine looks like Steve Corino, without the goatee. Devine and Kahn do another decent sequence, with Devine missing the "High Roller" (Lionsault) to allow Kahn to take control. It doesn't last long, as Devine does a neat "slide under, grab his leg and get him in a single Boston crab" type move. In comes Pawluk, who has a Lance Storm thing going. Why is Renallo such a cool announcer? "And a lethal lariat levels the Calcutta Crusader!!" And people accuse me of using absurd amount of alliteration and crazy corpulent consonance. BOOYAH! That was funny.

I would like to break to state at I have been saying BOOYAH! since before Shane McMahon was born, just to let you know.

Back to the action, and we have another tag by both teams, as the faces (that would be Devine and Pawluk), double team Raines. Devine goes for a quick chinlock. He tags Pawluk shortly after, who takes over with a leaping side kick and a side slam. You know, I like this Pawluk guy already. According to the announcers, he's Stu Hart's grandson. Elbowdrop gets a two. Pawluk tags Devine, who drops an elbow of the top.for 2. Devine does some basic stuff. And pins him after a.. bodyslam??!! (Which is called an "Inverted Suplex" by Renallo. At least he's trying to get the wrestlers over). Stampede has to work on these unexciting three counts. (5.58)

Commercial break.

Second Fall: We return during the fall, with Raines working on Devine. They do some crap outside of the ring, climaxing with Devine doing a plancha (actually it was a crappy cross body, and Renallo should learn to stop miscalling the moves. At least he's enthusiastic, I'll give him that) to the heels. Back in the ring and Raines hits a German suplex for 2. With the ref distracted, Khan and Raines give Devine a double DDT, for 3. (2:50 aired)

Third Fall: Khan starts with a rolling slam on Devine, for 2. He follows it up with a choke and an abdominal stretch. KIDS, DON'T TRY TO DO THESE MOVES AT HOME, because you might just expose how crappy and worthless they are. Devine gets out of it, but Raines takes over. Nice backbreaker/side slam combo, but only 2. Really well done Vader Bomb (lots of hangtime), but IT only gets two. Devine finally swings the momentum with a fallaway slam. and makes the tag! Here come The Pistol! High crossbody on Kahn for two, then a nice leg lariat. Sweet Hurricaranna for 2. Raines tags in and gets suplexed, and he gets a leg lariat, but only for two. Tombstone, and Pawluk goes up to the top. Pretty funny actually, because he's almost touching the roof (and thus can't really do anything of value from the top rope). It's all for nothing anyway because he gets crotched, and falls in. Running Ace Crusher (Stone Cold Stunner for all you numskulls) by Raines, but only a two count. Kahn is tagged in, and they double duplex Pawluk... 1...2....thr....OH! what a save by Devine. Sit-down slam by Kahn, but it gets a slow 2 count. Raines is tagged in, and does a slingshot elbow for 2. And the Shark Tank nails the International Incident, which is a belly-to-back suplex into a neckbreaker (Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon used to do it, as did Raven and Kanyon). 1....2... new champions.... NO! WHAT SPIRIT by this Lance Storm-alike. Faceslam by Raines, and a full nelson (you see, there working on the neck, because of that last maneuver. Psychology!). Jawbreaker breaks it up, but Raines is up first, and does some sort of Submission move on the neck. Pawluk reaches for a tag.... but Devine isn't paying attention! Pawluk and Raines do a neat reversing sequence, which Pawluk wins with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Pawluk for another tag... but Devine has something in his eye!??! I smell a SUBTLE AS HELL heel turn coming up. Another full nelson, but Devine runs in and kicks Rained in the groin. But did he mean to kick his own partner?! NO ONE KNOWS! Pawluk crotches Kahn and cradles Raines.... for 3! We have new International Tag Team Champions!!! And of course, Devine is happy! (10:44)

Devine keeps trying to celebrate, but Pawluk isn't happy about his partner. Back in the ring with Renallo, that old guy from before, the champs, and Stu Hart. Here comes the champagne! But of course Renallo asks Pawluk about the breakdown of communication that occurred.

Devine: "No no no, there was no breakdown in communication, the Pistol followed the plan perfectly, he was with me 100 percent of the way. Good job Pistol, buddy, you pulled it off great. Way to go."

Pawluk: "That's right, I pulled it off perfectly. I went after that gold and were taking it home. One of these (belts) is mine, and were taking it home, good work Hotshot."

So much for the heel turn...

Total Match Time: 19:32 *** Really, this was good. Little resting, good moves, nice enough psychology, not spotty at all, and I like this Pawluk guy. Plus we have a possible future angle laid out.

The Last Word: If it's like this every week, I'll be happy.
Contact me (and subscribe to ED-ucation!!) at stelcomp@mb.sympatico.ca

The Educator
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