/26 February 2000
|Stampede Wrestling by the Educator||
The Internet's Only Stampede Wrestling Recap!
(And by process of elimination, therefore the best).
Proof that people read this: I got two letters this week! One was from Trevor Giberson over at www.stampedewrestling.com who said among other things that he enjoyed the recap (!). The other was from the world famous (and fellow Canadian) "Netcop" Scott Keith (!!) who informed me that he used to review this show (though I actually already knew that), and warned me to avoid Cyborg vs. Rick Titan.
1) Why do I keep stealing ideas from other recappers, such as the (!) and the placing of pointless facts before my recap.
A) Because I'm saving my good ideas for a better show. Or at least until people start reading this.
2) Why are you so late?
A) Sigh. My second week and I'm already 5 days behind.
I actually had a busy weekend, watching a WCW house show and No Way Out, and my video store is closing down, so that involved doing alot of monotonous shit.
WCW House Show Report: This was actually the first time WCW came to Winnipeg. Hot crowd, of course. I don't feel like running through the matches, but it wasn't that great... Me and my friend stole some better seats, and actually succeeded in starting a "Perfect" chant for Curt Hennig. Bret Hart gave an interview, and said he will not be retiring, but isn't sure when he'll return.
Hennig (to Buff): You know, you're really a pussy.
Buff: Well, you are what you eat.
No Way Out thoughts: I actually saw this at a movie theater. Not sure if they have that promotional event in the States, but I highly recommend it to all Canadians. I thought it was a good show; I expected more, but there's no way it wasn't a thumbs up. Crowd was in shock when Foley lost.
Not sure if any of you have read the story on the net yet, but we got a nice little porn show afterwards. Sure, it was about 10 seconds, but IT WAS A BIG SCREEN PEOPLE! Anyway, looks like I'll be getting free Wrestlemania tickets out of it, so that makes it an all around good thing.
TNM: For those of you who have never heard of this, it's a wrestling simulator. Lots of fun, go to www.tnm7.com for info.
Anyway, Summerslam just concluded, and what an event. Vader destroys Ric Flair in the main event for the WWF Title. Survivor Series in the next PPV, and the main event has already been announced: The Four Horseman vs. Team Vader in a Wargames match.
The Horseman are Benoit, Malenko, Raven and Flair. Arn Anderson quit after Wrestlemania, and was replaced by Raven. This is of course, purely fantasy, for those of you wondering WTF.
Team Vader is Vader, Taka Michonoku, Masato Tanaka and Genricho Tenryu.
Story here is that, the week after Wrestlemania, Flair and Vader (top heels in the company) were teaming up against Lou Thesz and Rick Steamboat. In a ****1/4 match (yes, the game decides the ratings), Steamboat went over Flair. Vader got pissed and beat down Flair, thus turning face. After 2 big Horseman beatdowns, Vader, Japanese legend of course, decided to recruit his own foursome. I intended to get Misawa, Kawada and Kobashi, but the hard-asses wouldn't sign, so I took these three.
You wish you could have this much fun
Alice In Chains:
Name your god and bleed the freak
-Bleed the Freak
The Educator's Rhetorical Question: Why the fuck didn't Apocalypse Now win Best Picture?
ED-ucation: Subscribe today! Good times to be had by all! email@example.com and just say subscribe or something.
And Finally..... (My, we had alot of shit to filter through this week, didn't we?)
Saturday, February 26th, 2000
Live from some shithole in Calgary...... Alberta, CANADA.
On the "A" Channel where the "A" is for "Entertainment"
I almost missed this one taping "Malcolm in the Middle." My new favorite show.
Sean Shannon calls the ECW intro a high-tech intro for a low tech show.... He should see this.
Your hosts are Mauro Renallo and Bad Bad Bad News Allen (w/ Bambi). Bad News insults Mauro's clothing.
This afternoon: 4 matches! No specifics, but I bet Pistol Pawluk will be around!
Match # 1) We start mid-match as usual, with Bret Holliday vs. Black Ninja. Holliday with a waistlock suplex for two. Bret is apparently Jonathan Holliday's son... Of course I have no idea who that is, but whatever. Black Ninja with a sunset flip for two, but Bret is back on offense, with an STF. Ninja break it, and reverses a whip into a clothesline. And a short-arm clotheslines, and a forearm, and another, and this match sucks. AND ANOTHER. And an armbar.... god, you've thrown 3 forearms and 2 clotheslines, and your resting!? More forearms, and then he throws him into the corner and used Kevin Nash's patented moderately high-knees. They trade chops, and then Holliday does the worst rana I've ever seen, so bad that even Renallo calls it a trainwreck. Drop-kick for almost three. Attempted snap suplex (it had NO snap) gets 2. Ninja does a shitty kick, then some sort of rolling submission... I dunno, I'm just recapping. Northern Lights Suplex (so I'm told) gets two, and then the bell rings for a 15 minute draw... in about 6 minutes. (5:47 aired) -* Terrible.
We join Anthony McClanahan, the CFL's (Canadian Football League numskulls) Dennis Rodman, talking about some charity. His charity actually...
The Shark comes out to stir some shit, and does a terrible rhyming one-liner. His presence is pointless, because he's a heel (I think), yet he supports the charity...
As usual, but McCain Personal Presto Pepperoni Pan Pizza (extra P's for extra superciliousness. Get out a dictionary and figure out that that made no sense...)
Match # 2) And again we start mid-match, with Ralph "Ruffy" Silverstein facing Red Thunder. I'm guessing Red Thunder is the guy in the black, right? Backbreaker gets 2 for Thunder. Snap Suplex (with Snap!) and backdrop for two each. More crappy offense for near counts, I can't be bothered to call this stuff move for move anymore. Ruffy does something resembling a Hotshot to swing the momentum, and Thunder goes outside. Maybe Thundah will go get some Plundah. BOOYAH!
You know, Mauro Renallo is such a good announcer. He has just as many good lines as Lawler does (at least now), calls most moves correctly, uses big words, tries to get all the wrestlers over, and most importantly, really seems to like the product. Back to the match, where Thunder beats of the Honor Roll (?), but gets a neckbreaker back in the ring. STONE COLD ACE CRUSHER!!! For 2. They blow the backslide flipover spot, but Silverstein gets a sweet DDT for 2. He drags and beats on him, while the ref continues to count a pin.... right... I hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
As always, spot the Simpsons quotes and win something shiny.
Shitty-ass snap suplex for three if you believe this terrible ref. It's probably Thunder's fault actually, but when in doubt, blame the officials. That's how we do things north of the border. Red Thunder rolls up the celebrating Silverstein (so I guess that stuff was planned) for the REAL 3. (5:07 aired) 1/4*, would have been a DUD except for that awesome DDT. Tell Silverstein to throw that in once per match or I stop recapping this show.
No one seems to know what the hell is going on, but the decision is final.
Post match, some guy in the Honor Roll, who's wearing a smashing suit, grabs a mic.
"Once again Ruffy, you got your butt kicked again. How many times do we have to tell you that we'll not accept incompetence."
Ruffy: "I though I beat him!"
Rick Rude 2: "You thought you beat him? Apparently..."
Oh screw this, I can hardly make this out. But now Ruffy is doing 10 push-ups... then gets hit with a cane by Rick Rude!
We won't tolerate failure, sayeth they. But Ruffy is up! Low blow, and cane shots for all! And sweet-ass DDT's! Well okay, not the last one, but I can wish. I'm assuming this is a face turn, and the fans seem to be buying it.
Renallo comes in to question dissension (duh!) but they all deny it. And Ruffy has to do 10 more push-ups for beating up that guy.
William "Butler" Yeats, who is Rick Rude 2 (though upon closer inspection, he really isn't), tries to attack Ruffy, but is stopped.
Match # 3) Back from a commercial to start again mid-match, with Ty Cobb the fourth vs. William "Butler" Yeats. He's probably not related to that baseball player guy, but we'll see. If he does lots of cheap stuff, then I'll play along. A few two counts, and then the bell rings for some reason, but no one notices. Big Spinning Slam! (How is that any more devastating from a normal spinning slam or a big non-spinning slam?). Good second-rope moonsault from Cobb, but Yeats moves, and takes control. Yeats misses the knee to the back, and Cobb throws himself around for some two counts. SNAP suplex for two. You know, I like Bad News Allen as much as the next guy, and I enjoyed a good conversation with him on my local wrestling radio show (Cyrus' (of ECW) radio show, incase you were curious), but he needs some better comments then "Man this ref is slow," "How much did they pay this official,?" "Stu Hart is old," and so on. Cobb, who is actually quite attractive, with a jumping slam for two. Low blow turns the tide, and Yeats with a Hanging Vertical Suplex into a Statue of Liberty press (Renallo's words) for 2. Cobb comes back with some chops and an avalanche, but gets spinebustered in the middle of the 10 punch count. Slugfest, and Cobb wins. Renallo calls a clothesline a "hooking lariat," just showing how over-the-top he can make things. That is NOT necessarily a bad thing, by the way. Cobb with a Northern Lights Suplex for 2, then a shitty DDT for two. Ruffy needs to show these guys how to DDT.
For those of you wondering why I'm still talking about that awesome DDT from the past match, it's because I need something good to concentrate on, or I might just go insane. That DDT and Pistol Pawluck are what keeps me watching (though it's been only 2 weeks).
"Many people think Yeats should have his head examined... of course he'd need a proctologist." Man, Renallo can do this and call the match. Sweet.
Yeats fakes an injury, but does Jumping Jacks whenever the ref isn't looking. Pretty damn funny, actually. He gets dumped over the top rope... for the DQ ?! Oh man, it's like old-time WCW. I hate that rule. (7:55 aired) DUD, which would have been about a half star except for the ending.
Commercial, and we're back with Bad News and Crazy Eddie Mustang in the ring for an interview. Bad News insults him (and Stu Hart of course). Mustang compares himself to Kawasaki. Once dirtbikes get involved, I don't listen. This is pretty bad, but the fans seem to like Crazy Eddie.
Match # 4) Davey Boy Smith (!!!) vs. Great Gamma in some classic Stampede. We're nearing the 15 minute mark, so I'm told. This is for the British Commonwealth Mid-Heavyweight belt. Davey is so young... Nothing interesting happens. Really. After about 2 minutes, Gamma does a Suplex, for our first move. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, this sucks. Punch, kick, clothesline, throw out f the ring, headbutt, punch, punch... The Davey Boy takes control with a Missile Drop-kick, and some 2 counts. He gives him the MANLY suplex for 2. Gamma pulls a Cobra Clutch out of his ass, buy the (not yet Bulldog makes the ropes). Sleeper by Davey, but Dynamite Kid (!!!!) runs in and Tombstones Smith for the DQ. (5:17 aired) 1/4*
And FUCK ME IT'S THE INCREDIBLY STUPID BRUCE HART into make the save. I should probably penalize the match for having to see him, but I don't feel like backtracking.
Commercial, and we're ready for the main event! And I though we'd only have 4 matches!
Match # 5) Principal Richard Pound (British Commonwealth Mid-Heavyweight Champion) vs. Wavell Star. Non-title, so Star will win, as is rule 34C in the booking manual. We start in the middle of a rest hold, so I'll just imagine what the match was like before. Don't forget to check out www.stampedewrestling.com and say hi to Trev Giberson! The pernicious principal pounds on Star, throwing him around where Stu Hart is. Back in the ring.. no, back out. I just noticed that the Canvas is sponsored by Starter! I wanted one of their jackets once, but nooooooo, I had to get Apex. FUCK YOU STARTER. Back in the ring?? Yes, as Star sunset flips in for 2. Pound gets up and hits a clothesline. Remember last week when someone sold one of those by falling forward? This time, Star sort of goes of to the side... Last I checked, there were 2 ways to sell a clothesline: 1) Fall flat on your ass. 2) Do a big-ass somersault flip, which only the Rockers and Curt Hennig can do. So FUCKING stop it!
Figure four (with leverage!) by the Principal. But Star reverses, and Pound breaks it up. Anklelock by Pound, and a low blow. More Hogan-ish offense. Neckbreaker, then some crappy neckhold, and some eye gouges. See what I mean? Okay, so Hogan can't do a neckbreaker. Gutwrench for 1.....2....thre.... NO! Star reverses a whip, and comes off the rope with a CLOTHESLINE TO THE BACK OF THE NECK!!
Note to Renallo (hopefully Trevor can show this to you): That move is actually called an Enziulariarto, so throw that into your big names for simple moves repertoire. I'm just here to help.
Chops by Star (WOOOO!!!!), then a Frog Splash from the top for two. Sweet move, especially for Stampede. Back to the top! Flying Shoulderblock! And now Pound fakes an injury, while someone sprays Star. Roll up for three, and Pound doesn't retain (non-title, remember?). Hmm... why not just have made it a title match? (8:20 aired) *, for the top rope stuff.
Pound insults the Harts afterwards. Ruffy comes in, and they do some corny stuff about school and stuff. Where's Dean Douglas? Normally I'd take some time to insult Shane Douglas for being shunned by all the Big 3, but this is a Stampede recap.
Ruffy informs us that Yeats has a tattoo, which is of course worn only by Queers and Steers (haha). Nothing much comes out of it.
We're still not done, and Bad News is in the ring to interview Star. He tries to get Star to beat up Stu. Terrible interview, nothing to note.
Tonight's STARTER Flight of the Night: The moonsault by Ty Cobb the fourth.
The Last Word: Step down from last week, but I'm pretty tolerant.
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