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/wrestling /Stampede /18 March 2000 |
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/wrestling /Stampede /18 March 2000 |
| Stampede Wrestling by the Educator | 18.3.0 |
MainBLAH |
(And by process of elimination, therefore the best).
The Trials and Tribulations of The
Educator: I'm a week late this week.... and there's a good story
here.
As usual, I go out on Saturday morning for
breakfast with my dad. While there, we decide to go shopping, but I
make sure to stop by the house so I can tape this show, as usual. I get
inside, grab an Alice In Chains CD to listen to in the car, and can't remember
what else I'm in here for, so we leave.
Walking inside the mall at 12:00, my watch beeps,
and it occurs to me that I forgot to tape the show. Making up some excuse
to get away for a moment (my dad looks way down on wrestling), I rush over to
the phone and call my friend Ryan. He knows I recap this show, and I ask
him to tape it for me (off his shitty antenna, which I sold him, and his shitty
VCR, which I sold him). He agrees, and, feeling relieved, I return to
shopping. I come back later that day to grab the tape, and play pool for
awhile, only to discover that it didn't tape, as the shitty antenna I sold him
finally died. Thus, no Stampede for me last week.
This weekend was another close call. I took a trip
with my band for the Brandon Jazz Festival, a few hours from where I live.
This was on Thursday, and we expected to return Friday night. I meant to
tape this show just in case (along with Smackdown, Off The Record and Larry King
Live), but forgot. No matter, right? Friday night rolls around, and
we're informed that since the roads and weather are so bad (after all, it is
Manitoba), we'll be stranded one night. Now I knew I had a problem, since
if I missed this show and last week's, I'd get pretty far behind. Luckily,
we left early Saturday morning, and I arrived home about 5 minutes before the
show started. I promptly slapped a tape in, hit record, and fell asleep
for about 16 hours. With all that trouble, this show had better not
suck.
TNM: For the new readers,
this is a wrestling simulator, and is barrels of fun.
King of the Ring 1986 just rapped out, and what a
card. It started off slow, but the last three matches were
spectacular. In the Steve Austin/Shawn Michaels IC Title match, Austin
Stunned Michaels for the win and the title. In the KOTR final, which was
my best match ever at **** 3/4, Booker T beat Lou Thesz with a little help from
Justin Credible. And in the main event, Dean Malenko retained
his world title in a short (9 minute), **** affair with Bret
Hart.
This set up Clash of Champions VII, and
Summerslam. At Clash VII, Bret Hart beat Steve Austin to win the IC Title,
then, the same night, won the tag titles with Owen. Also, Booker T
defeated Lou Thesz and Juventud Guererra in a Triple Threat match.
Credible was scheduled, but no-showed and Juvi was my only possible
replacement. Anyway, Summerslam looks like this:
Booker T vs. Dean Malenko (World Title
Match)
Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels vs.
Chris Benoit (IC Title Elimination Match)
Justin Credible vs. Lou Thesz
Should be a big one!
Read up next week for the results.
Alice In
Chains:
You, you are so
special,
You have the
talent,
To make me feel like
dirt.
-Dirt
The Educator's rhetorical
question: How come Sid is still employed by a Big 3 company?
ED-ucation: We've almost reached 100
subscribers! Sign up today!!!
(Disclaimer: This is NOT a wrestling
newsletter).
Send an email to stelcomp@mb.sympatico.ca that says
"Sign me up Bay-bee!"
And Finally....
STAMPEDE WRESTLING
Saturday, March 18th, 2000
Live from some shithole in Calgary...... Alberta,
CANADA.
On the "A" Channel where the "A" is for
"Entertainment"
We start as usual with "Wrestling's best announcer"
Mauro Renallo and Bad Bad Bad News Allen (with "Mrs. B" Bambi).
Tonight: Principal Richard Round vs. "The High-Flying
Hedonist Hot Shot" Johnny Devine for the British Commonwealth Mid-Heavyweight
Championship, which has to be the longest belt name in today's wrestling,
despite holding the least value (except for the WCW World Title, of
course).
Bad News informs us that Pound is up at 4 AM every morning
running 10 miles (I thought me used the metric system in Canada), and doing 1000
sit-ups and 2000 squats. In that case, he must have the slowest
metabolism known to man, because he has a gut worthy of Damon Wayans in "The
Great White Hype" (Terrible movie, by the way).
Match # 1) We shoot off to the ring
immediately, where we're joined by Satanicus & Black Ninja vs. Bret Holliday
& Irish Red O'Riordan. Ninja gets the advantage on Holliday, and tags
into Stampede newcomer, Satanicus. Suplex for two. Chinlock, but
Holliday powers out. He gets met with a knee off the rope though, and
Ninja tags in. Nice spinning heel kick by Ninja, and he then rips off one
of Kevin Nash's patented moves, "The Choke with Boot in corner." You know,
I really used to like Nash, until one day he was wrestling The Giant, and
executed that move. Once Tony Schiavone actually called it "one of his
patented moves," I realized just how bad he was. Back to the match, which
is about as exiting as reading this recap. Take that as a good or bad
thing, it's up to you. Ninja tags in Satanicus.
Swinging neckbreaker, which is my second
favorite move in wrestling history (second to the DDT). Don't know why I
like them so much, probably because they're the only two moves I can do (and I
throw a vicious DDT, you can bet on that). Anywho, that gets two.
Ninja sneaks in behind the ref's back. BUT THERE WAS NO TAG!!
Dastardly! Fisherman's Suplex by Ninja gets two. After getting
whipped into the ropes, Holliday finally pulls out some offense with a HOOKING
LARIAT!! Looked suspiciously like a clothesline, but I guess that's why I
only recap this show. The comeback doesn't last, as the heels cheat again
to get the momentum. Satanicus is back in, but gets small packaged for
two. Sunset Flip by Holliday also gets two. Ninja sneaks in again
with no tag, and gets a snap suplex (with little snap) for two.
He chokes him on the ropes, and then steals
Nash's "I'll jump on you while your throat is on the middle rope" move. If
that move has a name, I would appreciate is very much. I type slow enough
as is, and I hate all these long names.
We interrupt this recap to plug www.stampedewrestling.com and
order some sort of STARTER merchandise, or so I'm told. Make sure to say
hello to Trevor Giberson, who recently informed me that though he gets credited
as the webmaster, he does very little work. I say more power to you (as
someone who is able to leech off all sorts of people), but I probably should say
hello to the real force of Stampede, Matt Burns!!! BTW, if any of you
readers are members of a small band looking for a breakthrough, visit the
website.
I'm told there is a match going on, and a
glance at the TV confirms the rumor. Satanicus is in still pounding
Holliday, but they move into a double clothesline. Both men make the tag,
and O'Riordan is ON FIRE!!! FULL scoop and a slam for both opponents, as
well as dual drop-kicks! Lariat and Northern Lights Suplex, and he's
going up top! Frog Splash, but Satanicus breaks it up at two. A
couple of shoulderblocks, but he gets nailed from behind while running into the
ropes. With the ref distracted, in comes Satanicus, and drops a guillotine
elbow from the second rope across the Irishman, who is hung over Ninja's
knee. If you remember the Smoking Gunns' Sidewinder, or have seen a Head
Cheese match, you should be able to get a mental image or something. Ninja
covers for the 3. (8:42 aired)
*1/2.
Match # 2) Greg "The Pistol" Pawluk (!) vs.
Headmaster William Butler Yeates. YES!! I haven't seen a Pistol
match since my first week recapping this show. We start with some chops by
Yeates, followed by a sweet powerslam. He taunts, and only gets a two
count because of it. Dumbass. Pawluk sneaks in a roll up, but it
only gets a two count, and a hard clothesline sends him flat on his ass.
With the ref not looking, Pawluk gets hit with a nasty knee to the groin.
Double Underhook Suplex gets two. Bad News states "You know, week in and
week out I'm always complaining about these referees." Understatement of
the year 2000 right there. Anyway, Pawluk gets a picture perfect sunset
flip for two, but Yeates is up and drop-kicks his ass straight to hell. He
taunts some more... you idiot! Pin him!
Bad News comments that all the "Young teeny
boppers like Yeates." I would just like to state that at the age of 16, I
may be considered a teeny bopper, and PAWLUK is my man. Flying forearm by
Yeates, for two. I've just been informed that this is a top contender's
match, so that explains the intensity! HANGING Vertical Suplex by
Yeates. Will someone please tell me why the Hanging Vertical Suplex hurts
any more then a normal Vertical Suplex? Pawluk sneaks out of a German
Suplex, and nails the Butler with what is called an Inverted DDT from the
corner; sort of like a reverse acid drop. Either way, it was
sweeeeeeeeeet.
Pistol wins a slugfest, and then follows a
whip into the ropes with a Northern Lights Suplex. Chops in the corner,
and then a Hurricaranna. Powerslam for two. He perches him on the
top rope.... Frankensteiner from the top!! One, two, thre.......
NO!! Leg lariat by Pawluk, and then a high knee (which is sort of
messy). Pawluk goes into the ropes, and gets taken over by Principal
Richard Pound on the other side. Bastards! He sets him up and....
SPIKE PILEDRIVER ON THE CONCRETE!!! They throw Pawluk back in, give him a
DDT, and the three count is pretty much a sure thing after that. But
Yeates picks him up to torture him some more, and gets some nice heel heat for
it. Beautiful jumping piledriver. He goes for another, but Devine
runs is out of nowhere and levels Yeates with a cookie sheet to the back.
As the Butler Flair Flops to the canvas, Devine destroys the rest of the Honor
Roll. Lots of crowd pops! The ref rings the bell shortly after (8:38 aired) *** 1/4, which officially makes it the best
match I've seen since I started watching this show. It's officially called
a no contest. Pound nails Devine from behind, and outside of the ring,
throws him into a brick wall. Back in the ring, Devine is busted open, but
gets an adrenaline rush and levels everyone.
He grabs a mic and screams at Pound for
awhile, climaxing with "I'm gonna stick my foot so far up your ass, you're
going to shit (something I can't make out) for a week!!!"
The main event is soon, and if you're not pumped, then your
just letting the best in life pass you by.
Match # 3) Classic Stampede: The Cobra vs.
Danny Davis from April, 1984. Davis pounds on the Cobra in the corner as
we begin. Snapmare into a chinlock. Followed by a kneelift, and then
the Cobra is thrown to the outside. Cobra gets to the top rope and nails a
nice bodypress, but only a one count. After some Davis punches, Cobra
nails a backbreaker and a few elbows. He goes for an Abdominal Stretch,
but Davis powers out. Sleeper follows, but Davis slings both men outside,
managing to barely hold on. Outside, Davis missed a charge and nails the
ringpost, and gets counted out. (4:30 aired)
1/4*.
Match # 4) Principal Richard Pound vs. "Hot
Shot" Johnny Devine. And in a definite change from the ordinary, we start
at the beginning of the match! Best 2/3 Falls, I'm told. Pound
chickens out and rolls outside. He rolls back in and is met my a
clothesline, a few punches and a drop-kick, for a one count. Devine throws
him outside, but they go back in the ring shortly after. Devine slaps him,
and punches him 10 times in the corner. High knee lift gets two.
Back elbow off the ropes gets two. Pound telegraphs a back bodydrop
though, and Pound takes over. A couple knees and a suplex, and then Pound
legdrops Devine's leg, and slaps on a anklelock. Big uppercut by Pound,
and he tosses Devine outside. Back in the ring, and Pound nails a
slingshot suplex. Statue of Liberty Pose Pin gets only one. Pound
rakes the eyes and the back, and nails a high impact gutwrench suplex.
That is also only enough to get two. Rear chinlock, but Devine gets out of
it.... and runs right into a brutal knee to the midsection. Pound throws
on an armbar, and a few headbutts after releasing it. He stomps and
punches the forehead, trying to re-open the wound they gave Devine
earlier.
Some more basic offense gets a two, and
Devine is thrown out of the ring again. Devine flips in though, but only
for two. He gets clotheslined shortly after. Out of nowhere, Devine
nips-up, and smashes Pound with a high knee. Snapmare, followed up by a
Lionsault gets two. Pound ducks one clothesline, but then gets a flying
forearm. Devine climbs to the second rope for the "Snake Eyes Diamondust
Backbreaker" (ask Renallo), which gets three! (First Fall Devine,
10:46).
We start right away, about 15 seconds
later, with Devine going to work again. He goes for a pin shortly after
they start, but Pound gets a foot in the ropes. Pound gets thrown to the
concrete, and Devine jumps out and rams him into a ringpost or two. Back
in the ring for a few precious seconds, then Pound reverses a whip and uses
Devine's momentum to throw HIM out of the ring. The Honor Roll nails
Devine with a cookie sheet, and Pound powerbombs him. What a shitty
move. Hmm.... I think he thought the same, because Pound picks up Devine
and powerbombs him again (and a nice one this time) for 3. (Second Fall
Pound, 13:53).
Third fall begins immediately, with Pound
dropping an elbow. He rams him face first into the mat, but that gets
two. Powerslam gets the same. Pound gets Devine in an abdominal
stretch, but Hot Shot hiptosses his way out. He climbs to the top and
drops a couple fist smashes to the head. Drop-kick gets one, two...
kickout.
WHAT THE FUCK?? There goes my
TV! I get a technical difficulties symbol shortly after. We're back
moments later... in the hallways? Oh what the hell, the match is
over. However, it appears as though it's an angle where Pound paid the
crew to cut the feed or something. Call it about 15
minutes, **.
Renallo gets nothing from Pound, so he
tracks down Devine. Devine demands a rematch.
STARTER FLIGHT OF THE NIGHT: Frog Splash by that Irish Guy in
the first match.
Renallo and Allen close things up, as Bad News promises a big
surprise next week.
The Last Word: Eh.... Good show, but that
reallllllllllllllly cheap ending in the main event leaves a sour taste in my
mouth. Oh well, at least Pawluk/Yeates kicked ass.
Contact me at stelcomp@mb.sympatico.ca
Subscribe to ED-ucation!
Have a good week.
The Educator |
BLAH |
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