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/8 March 2000

WCW Thunder by mdb




Nothing free for me from WCW. Sure I'm like one of seven people on the entire Net that isn't a total WWF mark, sure Scott Keith gets free tapes so he can bash them and CRZ gets to go to a PPV and Nitro so he can say 'I may not even go.' and 'I went but didn't say anything because nothing worth reporting happened.' But me? Someone who has defended WCW for years, someone who dares point out that the WWF does just as much stupid, illogical and worthless programming as WCW if not more, what do I get? Nothing. But it's ok, it's not about me, it's about the wrestling. So let's go.

Malik Holmes wrote: Hey there.Just wanted to say I think you should do the star rating for matches.

In the years I've been discussing wrestling matches on TV, I've almost never brought up stars because they are too subjective. Plus, if you use an absolute rating system then almost every TV match would rightfully be between two stars and negative stars; if you use a special system there's little point in saying, well for Thunder! this was a three star match but if this had been on PPV it'd have been a one star match. But what I will do is introduce a TV match rating system not to be confused or affiliated with star ratings. For positive ratings, matches will receive Rasmussens (~!) and for negative ratings matches will receive Kunzes (?). I'll explain the question marks, they represent typical questions Herb would ask about the match, what kind of selling was that? What kind of booking was that? For the rest go ask The Rick, I've got a Thunder report to get to!


Hey, I know what time it is. If you're only going to read one Thunder report go read CRZs. If you read two, read mine and then read his. If you read three, turn off your computer, go outside, and get a life.

Caught somewhere on tape (LJVM Winston-Salem NC 3-07'00) it's WCW Thunder!

Your hosts are Mike "The Brain" Tenay and Bobby "The Professor" Heenan

Cruiserweight Title Match
Prince Iaukea vs. Psicosis

Prince and Paisley come out. Finally the Juice has come back to town! Juvy wants to announce and to live la vida loca. But Rey Misterio is out to be third announcer so Juvy has to take a hike. Psic with the hot start, kicks, dropkicks. Whip to the corner. Plancha from top corner to Prince on the floor below! Back in the ring Prince hits an elbow to the lower abdominal area. Kick to the back, misses a charge in and catches a leg lariat. Psic hits a clothesline of the top. Abdominal stretch, Prince pulls ref Robinson into Psic. Psic gets a victory roll, Juvy counts three and awards Psic the belt. Robinson rings the bell but it's to DQ Prince so Psic wins the match but not the belt. I get it, he's the Honky Tonk Prince. Well that was fun.

Your Winner by DQ: Psicosis
Time: 3:01 Rating: ~!

Cut to Bam Bam Bigelow apologizing for the actions of The Wall as he walks with David Flair (w/Daffney) and Crowbar, who both wear neck braces. 'I don't know what got into him but I'll do everything I can to make this right'

Elsewhere, Lex (w/Liz) talks to Ric Flair. Lex: 'I know you got a long history with Arn but he's gotta decide.' Flair: 'Listen, I'll get him in the ring and convince him to be part of Team Package.' -break-

The Demon vs. Idol

KISS music plays as we return. I know I'm supposed to make a ref to Spinal Tap as The Demon struggles to get out of the magic casket. Idol and Lane come out making "X" signs with their arms, reminding us that they were a team called 2Xcess for 30 seconds a month ago. Demon hits a knee to the head and an enziguri. Oh, this match is all about Miss Handcock causing distractions. Lane prevents her from dancing on the table (Idol hits a suplex, a powerslam, and a DDT) so she gets on the ring apron, kisses (<-pun!) Idol allowing The Demon to put on his finisher, a uranage from a cobra clutch variation. 1, 2, 3. As Demon has his hand raised Lane hits him from behind. Memory Lane on the Demon (fullnelson into a forward russian leg sweep), stomps by he and Idol, DDT on the Demon. Out comes Norman Smiley (in Wake Forest jersey) to make the save. Clotheslines for both, Smiley Slam on Idol, Big Wiggle is stopped by Lane attacking from behind. I see a PPV opening match forming. Smiley stomped down. Lane and Idol dance as the two victims lay prone on the mat.

Your Winner: The Demon (!)
Time: 2:12 Rating: ?

Curt Hennig cuts a promo. He can't wrestle tonight because Luger broke his arm, but come Nitro he's going to expose Lex Luger for what he is, a body builder..

Meanwhile Bam Bam walks. 'I gotta make this right.' -break-

We are back with an Uncensored promo. It's March 19th. Somewhere else the nWo plot. Jeff and the Brothers Harris kayfabe that they've been in jail for two days. Tonight is payback, Harii: 'We've got the Mamalukes tonight. Let's bring some more gold to the nWo.' Jeff: 'Let's go.'

Bam Bam Bigelow comes to the ring. Replay of The Wall attacking Bam Bam from Nitro. Bammer on the mic 'I normally am a man of action , I do my talking in the ring, but in the past week things have gone down I can't stomach. First let me bring out two of the toughest S.O.Bs in WCW.' Out come David and Daffy and Crowbar. Bam Bam takes responsibility for David and Crowbar's injuries because he brought The Wall into the business. He taught the Wall, he brought him to WCW (what about Berlyn?). The Wall was his friend, the godfather to his daughter. Out comes the Wall. Sucker punch on Bigelow, clothesline out of the ring. He kicks Crowbar in the face, punches out David. Sets up a table, attempt at a chokeslam of Bigelow from the apron through the table but it's more like Bigelow just falling through. Back in the ring he attacks David and Crowbar. Bobby mentions he knows neck injuries. I remember that angle! Anyway, the Wall takes off the neck brace on Flair, forearms David in the back, no sells a chair shot from Crowbar, takes off that brace and delivers a chokeslam that Crowbar does a super sell on. Wall walks off. He's a monster! -break-

We're back and David does another stretcher job. Taped message from Hogan to Flair. He's got lots of straps. You know I got an email explaining that it's a "Yavapai" strap match Hogan's talking about. Seems Yavapai are an Indian tribe somewhere out in the southwest (or at least in the southwest after Imperialist Europeans were done with them). I did some research on the tribe and found out from the website that the Yavapai Indians were known for their orange skin and blond but balding hair. How bout that? It also seems that the "Hulk up" he's been doing all these years is a Yavapai war dance. Amazing, no?

The Maestro vs. The Cat

The 'Stro talks about winning the match last time and he'll do it again. Out comes the Cat. I suppose I should complain about how the Maestro is supposed to be the Cat's slave and coming out to rap music but what's the point? Long ago in the 80s Transformers were a pretty popular toy. They inspired a cheap knockoff series of toys called Gobots. One of the bad guys for Gobots was this thing called Zod that was battery operated and would roll around and 'attack.' It had a weakness though, a big red belly button that if pressed, would deactivate Zod leaving it motionless for several minutes. The toy Zod came with this big red pole that the Gobots could use to poke the red deactivate button. We always joked about how Zod came prepackaged with the thing that would defeat it. I bring this all up because for some reason Symphony, the Maestro's valet, brings to the ring a boombox that has music on it that the 'Stro doesn't like. This week the Cat grabs the boombox and cracks it on the Maestro's head and gets the win.

Winner of the Match: The Cat
Time:1:31 Rating: ???

Tenay says, let's hear from Vampiro. So we cut to Vampiro in the back, who paces and throws some stuff around, but says not a word. - break -

We return and this time we get to hear Vampiro talk. It's more a stream of consciousness thing. 'Yeah, well I'm not a freak. But I'll have you trapped down here in the cellar LIKE A RAT IN A CAGE! Why can't you deal with me? You can't deal with me. You're afraid. Why are you afraid? Is it because you see yourself IN ME? (slams chair on the ground for effect) Fit Finlay Uncensored, anywhere in the building, falls count anywhere. That's okay. Tonight I got a big problem tonight. Jeff Jarrett. I'll see you in hell. I'll take you to hell. That's what it's going to be.'

I enjoyed that. And not just because the red and green lights they had lighting the scene reminded me of the setup my band has where we practice.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Lash Leroux

Lash Leroux interviewed by Gene. It's Mardi Gras. He's got legions and legions of loyal Lash Lovers. I guar-on-tee! We'll see great things from Lash. I'll do anything for WCW fans.' Dustin interrupts and punks him out. Beatdown leads to the ring. Lash with a comeback, crossbody, backdrop, some punches. But Dustin hits the low blow and goes on offense. Bulldog. Dustin wins. He continues to work over Lash but out comes Funk with Chicken Rhodes. Funk hits Dustin some with it. Then he sodomizes the bird with his fist and punches Dustin, chicken on his hand. Dustin comeback. He gets some hits in on Funk. They brawl out into the seats and out of sight. You just know the chicken thing is going to catch on with all the fans. I see hundreds of fans coming to wrestling arenas wearing chickens on their hands.

Winner of the Match: Dustin Rhodes
Time: 1:11 Rating: ??

Lex and Liz and Flair walk.

Ringside release. Some airplane disaster made for TBS movie. It's got a guy from Melrose Place on it. I used to like watching Melrose Place (at least until they killed Sydney. Bastards.) and then wrestling on Monday Nights. It was the one night of the week I just turned my brain off and watched stupid TV shows. Melrose was really really popular for a while and then people stopped watching. Same thing happened to WCW. Same thing will happen to the WWF.

Back to the ring, Team Package is here. Ric demands for Arn to come out and apologize to Luger for his actions last Nitro. Arn won't shake Lex's hand or join Team Package. He complains that Ric isn't taking care of David. He says Ric isn't a very good father. Hey, Ric spent half a year suspended from WCW because he went to a tournament with his kid, and because of Ric, David's first was Torrie Wilson. I say Ric Flair is a great dad! Ric tells Arn he's raised his kids. Everytime he's tried to go slow he's been kicked in the ass. Now he's got the jetpack back on. He wants to ride the Leer jets, he wants to stay out all night. Arn says he's got a few more good fights in him so Flair better think about things. Lex says he came to the ring expecting to hear Arn join up. Monday night he'll take care of Hennig and then either Arn joins or Ric is out of Team Package. It's either the Ferrari (himself) or a brokendown pickup truck (Arn.) Lex and Liz leave. Arn leaves. Ric is left in the ring saying 'Arn, make it right for me. I want to be part of Team Package.' a dozen times.

In the back Fit walks. Vampiro attacks! Through a table! Security breaks it up. -break-

As we come back, an exterior shot shows Lex and Liz getting in a limo and leaving. 'We'll see next Monday.'

Meng vs. Fit Finlay

Punches, Tongian death grip is set up but Tank Abbott hits the ring and attacks Meng. Security comes in and the three fight security, pretty much forgetting about each other.

No Contest

In the back Booker complains to Torri (wow-oh-wow). Booker feels it's her fault that he and Kidman have been losing matches. Kidman walks in and says Booker should back off and Torri is coming to the ring. -break-

This Saturday night, Jarrett vs. Demon! I predict new US champ!

Mamaluke interview. I'm starting to like these guys. Johnny the Bull vowed last Monday that he'll not eat any more cheese sandwiches until Uncensored and when he doesn't eat cheese sandwiches, watch out! Tonight he just wants to break thumbs. Vito tells the Harris Boys at Uncensored they'll knock the Fazinukes outta them.

Four Team Elimination Tag Title Match
The Paisans vs. The Harris Brothers vs. Harlem Heat vs. Booker & Kidman

Mamalukes in the ring. Highlights from Nitro of the Harris bros. Harris and Vito and Harris and Johnny exchange punches and forearms. Harlem Heat (w/ Biggs and Cash) make their entrance. More punching and kicking from everyone. Booker is out. Uranage on Johnny (much better than last time) spin kick on Harris, kick to gut and axe kick on Big T, helicopter spin up into a clothesline from Stevie. More kicks and punches all around. Kidman makes his entrance, clotheslining Disco, to the top rope, flying crossbody on Vito. Punches on Vito, Vito tries a bodydrop but Kidman hits a dropkick. Tornado bulldog on Harris. Then a forearm from behind by the other Harris and Kidman's thrown from the ring. Match finally under tag rules. Big T and Stevie take turns working over Booker until Big T misses a punch hitting Stevie instead. Superkick on Ahmed, russian leg sweep on brother Stevie. Three count! Harlem Heat is eliminated. (Booker pins Stevie at 3:29) Stevie thinks it was a two count. Johnny into the ring. Kidman tagged in but before anything develops we go to -break-

We return and hey for once in like twenty years we go to a pin that occurred during the break. (yes I know it was taped yesterday and they could easily have shown the footage). Booker accidentally highkicks Kidman by mistake allowing the Harii to Hbomb the Kid and eliminate the team. (Harris pins Kidman at ???) Harrises doubleteam Johnny the Bull. He finally hits a spinkick and makes the hot tag. Vito with spin superkicks. Vito hits the Savage elbowdrop. 1, 2, Harris makes the save. Vito thrown out, Hbomb on Johnny. I would like the reiterate that the Mamalukes did the Hbomb first and the Harrises shouldn't steal the move. Disco hits Harris with a tag belt as the ref is distracted and the Mamalukes get the pin. (Johhny pins Harris 10:47 shown) Before the celebration gets too far Harris & Harris Hbomb Disco.

The Winner of the Match and Still Tag Team Champions:
The Mamalukes
Time: 10:47 shown Rating: ~!~!

In the back Stevie Ray confronts Mean Gene. 'That was a two count. I'm sick of this. I want Booker and that 130 lbs. pipsqueak Kidman, and I want his sqwaking yak with him at Uncensored!' -break-

Page on Craig Kilborne. Yawn.

Uncensored promo hyping the main event Sid vs. Jarrett. You know, it'll be a better match than 3H vs. Big Show.

Knobbs interview. He's got the Dog with him. Let's move on.

Jarrett and the nWo ladies walk. Vampiro walks somewhere else. Tenay keeps saying this is Vampiro's chance to prove that he belongs among WCW's elite. I thought he did that two weeks ago? -break-

I think it's cool that you get to see Beyond the Mat and ECW ads during Thunder!

The Main Event (aka It's Almost Over)
US Title Match
Jeff Jarrett vs. Vampiro

Jarrett is in the ring with the nWo girls. He asks the crowd if he wants the girls to stick around and give Vampiro a little something extra. The crowd cheers so Jeff sends the girls to the back. If the crowd would wise up, they'd boo the girls and then Jeff would have to keep them around. 5145Vampiro comes out. Clothesline on Jarrett. To the ropes, Jeff slides through but is caught by a leg lariat. Vamp clotheslines Jeff out of the ring. Pescado. Forearms, into the un-safety rail, into the table. Chop (whoo!). Back into the ring. Vampiro hits a clothesline from the top rope that Kane only wishes he could do half as well. 1, 2, kickout. Sixty seconds into the match the Harris Brothers are out. Jeff takes advantage of the distraction to hit Vamp from behind with an elbow to the side. Harrises punch Vamp and hand him back to Jeff. Suplex in? No Vamp floats over, waistlock, Jeff tries to elbow, Vamp avoids, into the ropes, Jeff holds on, Vamp rolls back and Jeff connects with a running clothesline (with flip and a twist sell by Vamp). Uppercut. Into the corner turnbuckle. Vamp with a gobehind and rollup for two. Vamp tries to go to the top but gets caught. More Harris interference. Here come the Mamalukes to take them away. In the ring an enziguri by Vamp on Jeff. Ref is nowhere to be found so no count. Jeff catches Vampiro in a backbody drop attempt. Ref prevents a chairshot by Jeff but he hits a DDT. 2 count. Figure four attempt results in an inside cradle for two, a rollup for two, into the ropes, clothesline attempt, Jeff ducks, Vamp almost hits Nick Patrick but stops short. He turns around, Jeff punches him, Vampiro is sent back and the ref is bumped. Suplex puts Vamp down. Jeff grabs the US belt but before he can use it, Vampiro kicks Jeff and slingshots him into the top turnbuckle. Belt shot to the forehead by Vampiro! Some ref with red hair comes out and starts to make the count but assigned ref Patrick stops it and asks the substitute ref what's going on. I hope next week they have a match to settle things. Meanwhile Jeff hits the Stroke on Vamp onto the US belt (sorta) for the three count. Postmatch the Harris Bros hit an H-bomb. Spraypaint nWo on Vampiro and we're out.

Your Winner and Still US Champ
Jeff Jarrett
Time: 5:00 Rating: ~!~!

Ok, maybe next week I'll be back into the groove. Goodnight everybody!

Hey CRZ, you sure wrestling rings aren't 40' x 40'?

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