WCW Thunder by mdb
In the spirit of all the NCAA tourney betting pools I'm starting a WCW
betting pool. How many weeks until Thunder is replaced by "The New
Adventures of Charles in Charge." Tiebreaker question is "Who will replace
Scott Baio in the role of Charles?"
Lots of ground to cover since I pretty much took last week off. First
question I'm sure a lot of you have is "Why the hell does Wrestleline have
TWO Thunder reports?" Don't think I don't wonder myself. But the answer
should be self-evident. If there's one thing that the Power That Was Vince
Russo did, no denying, it's having Goldberg smash a limo window with his
elbow causing a nearly career ending injury to the only guy that could draw
for the company. But another thing Russo did is he made Thunder special
again, and this show is now so special you *have* to have two reports.
Mystery solved. Actually, I think I'm here to fill a pro-WCW quota since the
Net Icon went over to 1wrestling. (Though in truth I'm less pro-WCW than
anti-WWF and I'm less anti-WWF than I am anti-Vince McMahon. I was twelve
when I first saw the WWF and even then I could see through his "they aren't
wrestlers, they are WWF superstars and sports entertainers" b.s. If I want
sports entertainment I'll catch a Bruce Lee flick. Vince McMahon is
embarrassed to be in the pro wrestling biz and that's just sad. [Funny thing
is if he didn't do a lot of the stuff he does with his fed he wouldn't have
to be embarrassed because people wouldn't have such a low opinion of pro
wrestling and its fans.])
That said, can someone explain to me what the big fuss is over the Jericho/Radicals interaction over in Titanland? I mean, I've got some old tapes you can borrow, if you're wanting to see them wrestle. Dean Malenko takes a paycut and heads north to be the WWF Light Heavyweight champ and no one says a word? Am I the only one who- Is it just- Oh, forget it. I know, I know, Vince is the GENIUS~! and I'm just an idiot doing a report on WCW Thunder (no I haven't forgotten about Thunder). Just because I don't understand what Chyna is doing with Jericho in the first place, let alone the whole relationship they've developed, it must be just me, right? Because Vince always knows best. I probably missed that edition of Livewire where they explained the whole thing. And Chris Benoit, well he pinned the Rock! Only about 8 or 10 people have done that in the last month. Whatever.
I'd also like to make a CORRECTION from last week. I've always hated the 'first pinfall wins' stipulation in multicorner matches and have always complained that they should be elimination matches. Last week in the four-way tag, they made it elimination and I didn't applaud WCW for doing the match with the right rules. Good job WCW, let's never see the first pinfall wins stip again.
Finally, one last bit before we get to this week's Thunder! Some of you may be remember former Thunder recapper Scott Keith and might be wondering how he's been since he stopped doing the show and what he's up to these days. He recently sent me an email, I hope he won't mind me sharing it with all of you: "Please. You've got to give me Thunder back. I didn't realize how much the show has come to mean to me; my life is meaningless without it. I'm a hollow broken shell of a man now. I'll do anything to get Thunder back. I NEED to review worthless two minute matches with the Demon. I CRAVE Nitro recap packages. I HAVE to talk about the Maestro and Cat feud. I'm begging you. You don't understand, I'm dying without Thunder. I can't sleep at night, I can't eat. Whenever I close my eyes I see Stevie Ray and the new Harlem Heat winning squashes, Norman Smiley jobbing, Prince Iaukea wrestling DUD matches, Brian Knobbs defeating people that are ten times more talented. I've got to have it back. Please, please, please, I'm begging you..." Well, it goes on like that for a long while but you get the idea (It gets pretty disturbing in parts. At one point he starts chanting "Sid, Sid, Sid, Sid" in the email. It gets *really* demented towards the end when he talks about being in his underwear recreating the matches while deliberately miscalling moves and talking about completely unrelated nWo and Hogan angles.) All I can say in reply is "Be strong Netcop. Don't give in to weakness. I won't give you Thunder back, you'll just have to break the addiction." In truth, I can't give it back since CRZ's got his fangs in it. Not content with Nitro, Raw, and Smackdown, he's grabbed Thunder. Hey Zimmer, how long before you start reporting WCW Saturday Night? Next thing you know he'll be invading Poland and France.
Procatalepsis: I'll go ahead and save a lot of you and a lot of me a lot of time: The above is playful ribbing. It's a joke, people. Don't email me telling me how much better CRZ is than me and I shouldn't be saying bad things about him. Get a clue. I'm serious about the Skeith email though.
THE SECOND BEST THUNDER REPORT ANYWHERE
Ok, the Scott Keith email *is* fake, but if you've been reading his stuff closely of late, you can tell he misses Thunder deeply.
On with the show! I read the spoilers, looks like this could be a good one. WCW.com's preview says "With Uncensored only a few days away, all of the WCW's top combatants have been scheduled to wage war and risk their PPV wellness." I'll let you judge the veracity of that statement for yourselves. Here we go!
Show opens with footage of the nWo, the Harris Brothers and US champ Jeff Jarrett, entering the arena. Tenay says "He's got a world title shot in four days! He's got attitude! He's got his game face on!" Wow! I'm excited already!
Caught somewhere on tape (The Patriot Center Fairfax, VA 3-14'00) it's WCW Thunder! Your hosts are "Iron" Mike Tenay and Bobby "Madden Sucks" Heenan.
THE RETURN OF LUCHA MATCH - La Parka & Chavo Guerrero vs. El Dandy & Silver King La Parka wears a pretty neat Yellow Bone outfit with a horned-skulls-on-the-shoulders trenchcoat. This is the first time for LA Parka and Chavo as a team as far as I know but they're instantly the best thing in WCW's current tag division. LaParka's got the mic: 'The skullcaptain's in the hizouse. You see the chair you know the deal, you know the 411, one for me, and one for my homies.' El Dandy and Silver King inform Penzer who then informs the crowd that they are Latin America's Most Desirable Men, Los Fabulosos. I'm digging it. El Dandy shoves Chavo, Chavo shoves back harder and down goes El Dandy. Dandy returns to his feet and responds with a kick to the gut. Tossed to the ropes, shoulderblock, to the ropes again, leapfrog by Chavo, monkey flip on Dandy. Dandy back up, chops Chavo, off the ropes he charges Chavo who body drops him over the top rope to the floor below. Baseball slide misses Dandy but a boot to the gut doesn't. On the floor, Latin forearm by Chavo who then sends Dandy back into the ring. Back in, Dandy catches Chavo with a kick and both men tag out. LaParka leapfrogs King who comes back and connects with a shoulder block. Pin attempt gets zero, a second shoulder tackle, a second pin attempt, a second zero count. Parka hits a shoulder tackle on Silver King, starts up the strut, Dandy in to stop that but Parka clotheslines Dandy. Who is he to doubt La Parka? But when La Parka turns around Silver King hits him with a clothesline. Who am I to doubt Silver King? King laughs, the crowd boos. La Parka thrown into the corner, Dandy whips King into the corner for a splash but Parka moves from harm's way and powerslams King on the rebound. Pin attempt but Parka knows El Dandy is going for a standing senton splash so he moves and Dandy splashes his partner by mistake. La Parka goes nuts for a second and then celebrates his cleverness with a quick La Parka stroll. I'm on record as having been a La Parka fan for about his entire time in WCW and I must say I'm enjoying his recent push. I saw the match he and Psycosis had against Rey and Juvy on Nitro in Dec. of 97 live. It won over my nonwrestling-addicted friends I'd dragged to show as well as a large part of the crowd who had earlier booed the announcement of the upcoming lucha tag match. Anyway, Los Fabulosos try to doubleteam El Skullcaptain, but La Parka's too smart for that: Silver King ends up dropkicking El Dandy to the floor who then receives a twisting quebrada from LaParka. Fans are chanting "Use the chair." Unfortunately he doesn't. If only they'd chanted "Utilice la silla." Chavo dropkicks Silver King to the floor and hits a quebrada of his own. Back in the ring La Parka hits a corkscrew splash off the middle turnbuckle on Dandy for a two. Giant slapchop on Dandy. Dandy thrown to the other corner, shoulder tackle by Parka misses. Dandy chops Parka, thrown to the rope, double leapfrog (with King barely clearing) leads to a double droptoe hold. La Parka up to his knees, double mid height superkick, King from in front, Dandy from behind. Swinging DDT by King on Parka. One, two, Chavo saves. Dandy punches Chavo, sends him out of the ring, Chavo back in, Dandy punches and slams him, King comes in for the doubleteam a bit, Chavo's put on the top turnbuckle by Dandy, but La Parka attacks from behind and now Dandy's on La Parka's shoulders and Chavo's standing on the top rope ready to- no Silver King is up so Chavo hits a crossbody splash on him as La Parka dumps Dandy off his shoulders face first to the mat. Things are breaking down here. La Parka charges Silver King and they both wind up going over the top rope onto the floor. Chavo hits the tornado DDT. 1, 2, 3!!! Yeah, there was about zero psychology to that match but I still dug it the most. WINNERS OF THE MATCH:La Parka & Chavo Guerrero (Chavo pins Dandy at 4:25) ~!~!~!
David Flair (in neckbrace), Crowbar (in neck brace), and Daffney (in "Wall Sux" tshirt) are in the arena and walking down steps! Tenay: "Nothing will keep them from Thunder tonight! What guts! What courage just to show up!" Heenan: "They're nuts." -break-
We're back and Los Fabulosos are in the back recovering from the loss when who should arrive but Ms. Handcock. How odd. She offers her help, the first thing they need are new clothes because clothes make the man. King: 'Will you like to help us out of these clothes?" Double entendres! I guess WCW can't afford to let those Standards and Practices suits go to waste?
Next up, the Package Team of Ric Flair, Lex Luger, and Liz make their way to the ring. Heenan says 'They all come to the ring armed. Flair has Hogan's belt, Luger has a chair and Elizabeth has..." well Heenan mentions the baseball bat she carries, I was thinking Liz is armed with something else (though tonight it's not quite so obvious as she's wearing a leather coat (with matching leather skirt)) Luger says Team Package is in full force and Sting is a coward and at Uncensored he'll beat him up. Tenay: 'Oh, he's crazy!' Blurred sign in the crowd! Flair on the mic 'Fat Boy, assume the position. Four percent body fat, a Greek God (Luger), the most beautiful woman alive today (Liz), the Nature Boy (the Nature Boy). Assume the position, fat boy. Team Package is running wild!' They took care of Hennig and Hogan and Sting. Blurred sign gets into Ric's hair. I hate it when that happens to me. Flair offers to make a woman out of fat boy's girlfriend. Such a nice guy that Nature Boy. Here comes Jimmy Hart. 'You're so possessed with Team Package you turned your back on your son David and your best friend Arn Anderson.' He informs them that Larry King is in the arena to interview Hogan and so is Entertainment Tonight. Luger talks down Hart. Remember when Luger was a good guy and teaming with Sting but Jimmy Hart kept showing up? He says Hart is so skinny and pathetic and he brought a Hulk belt to the ring but isn't man enough to use it. Team Package turn their backs on him allowing Jimmy to get a few whips of the belt on Flair. Hart then gets beat up and his back is exposed and he's whipped with the belt and from now on his name will be Toby.
In the back we see Prince and Paisley. Psycosis walks up and grabs the cruiser title belt and tells Prince in Spanish, 'If you would act just a little more gay I could get this title without having to wrestle you.' Kaz comes up and grabs the belt from Psyc saying in Japanese, 'Hey at least you got to wear your mask for awhile, Eric made me take mine off the moment I signed up with WCW so I should get the belt as a reward.' And then Kato from the Green Hornet shows up and...wait, that's probably one of the Jung Dragons I've heard them talk about so much lately, come to back up Kaz. Oh, there's a brief glimpse of the other one as well. Charles Robinson shows up and he's a house of fire! 'Break it up! All of you! What happened last week won't happen this week! Psyc and Kaz have a match tonight, everyone else is banned from ringside. Now move! Move!' Wow, Charles *is* in charge! Wherever that evil nWo ref went, he better watch out. Robinson will kick his ass. -break-
We're back with replays of Hart being whipped. We cut to Hogan meeting Jimmy at the ambulance. Hogan is such a good friend. He demands JJ Dillion to put together a handicap match against Team Package.
NUMBER ONE CONTENDER MATCH - Psicosis vs. Kaz Hayashi Replay of last week's shenanigans between Psyc and Kaz. Camera finds a sign in the crowd "I paid to see Juventud and Psycosis." I hope he got half his money back cuz the Juice didn't return to Fairfax. WCW manages to disappoint another fan. Psyc offers the good sportsmen handshake and Kaz like a sucker accepts allowing Psyc to gain advantage and put on a headlock. Psyc with a shoulderblock and a one count pin. Psyc to the ropes and Kaz catches him coming back with a spinning leg lariat. Psyc is out on the floor, Kaz catches him with a corkscrew moonsault no hands over the top rope tope. Back in the ring, Kaz off the top turnbuckle, Psyc catches him in an atomic drop. Clothesline! Two count. Victory roll attempt by Psyc reversed into a backflapjack. Two count. Kaz hits a chop, sends Psyc to the other corner, charging in he runs into a back elbow. Top rope huricarana by Psyc. Two count. Second victory roll attempt, Kaz can't counter this one and Psyc gets a 3 count. Well. Crowd is a bit shocked. I am too. Kaz and Psyc shake hands, but from behind Prince Iaukea is in the ring to attack Psycosis. Punches, Prince takes a backbodydrop, Psic has the belt and is ready to paste Prince with it but Iaukea hits a titlebelt VanIuakeanator and then his middle turnbuckle jumping DDT finisher. Let's party like it's 1999! WINNER OF THE MATCH AND NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: Psycosis~! (2:06) ~!3/4
Why do I get the feeling we'll see Prince retain at Uncensored with a screwjob/DQ finish?
Gene Okerlund stands in front of a door that has the nWo logo on it. Just be sure to remove it when you leave or else George Mason University won't let you back. Jeff has to wrestle Booker for the US title tonight. Jeff says "screw," take a drink. Jeff says "slapnut," take a drink.
"Bad Apple" Tank Abbott walks to the ring because he is next. -break- Bam Bam talks to Oklahoma. He's going to enter the women's division! Sports entertainment!
MATCH NUMBER THREE - Tank Abbott vs. Buzzkill Meng in the back watches on a monitor. Not only does Meng have his afro done up in a ponytail like J.C., he even quotes us some N'Sync "One of these days, they won't be able to take us apart" Back in the arena Buzzkill is out with a peacenik sign "No war, no guns, no tanks" Hey, that's clever. Brad takes Tank down, ties him up, punch by Tank. Tank better be glad that wasn't Van Hammer as the hippie because Van Hammer wouldn't have gone down that easy! Anyway, consider the buzz killed. You know I think Brad Armstrong has had the single worst career of failed gimmicks in the history of our sport. None were singularly as bad as Terry Taylor's Red Rooster (Vince is a GENIUS~!) but poor Brad. WINNER OF THE *ahem* MATCH: Tank Abbott (0:24) ???
I bet this wins the Favorite Match of Thunder poll over at WCW.com.
The Brothers Harris talk with Harlem Heat but we can't hear anything. They were probably discussing with Stevie how to handle the pressure of being the B-team in the nWo, which is especially tough when there are only three people in the now right now.
Elsewhere, the Wall comes out of an elevator! You go WCW! Innovate! -break-
We're back and during the break the Wall took out Crowbar and now carries David Flair on his shoulder up a flight of stairs. In the concession area the Wall beats up David. He takes off the neck brace. Hey Wall, how's David going to heal that injury if you keep taking off the brace? The Wall is going to chokeslam David from the second level to the floor! WOW! What a spot! Take that New Jack, take that Mae Young! 35 feet down to the floor, off the second level through five burning tables below! Ok. I'll level with ya. The chokeslam attempt was stopped by Bam Bam. They punch each other awhile. Bam Bam bodyslams the Wall through a table. Security censors this fight. But this Sunday it'll be Uncensored!
In another part of the arena, Kidman and Torri snuggle. Booker walks by and Kidman wishes him good luck in his match tonight. Booker doesn't take it kindly. He's sorta been a third wheel since Mydnyte disappeared.
In another part of the world, Jeff and the three nWo ladies walk. -break-
We're back with a replay of the Bam Bam/Wall stuff thanks to 1-800 Collect. Outside the arena, Gene Okerlund is arrested by cops and put in a squad car as he protests "No officer, I haven't been drinking and driving tonight." Oh wait, that's the Wall who is handcuffed and taken away in a cop car. What for? He didn't anything. Bam Bam is there to taunt. 'When you get out I'll be right here.' Gee, that's too bad Bam Bam because Uncensored isn't going to be in Fairfax, it's in Miami.
Is Sid vs. Jeff at Uncensored worse than the Savage/Nash stuff from last year?
U.S. TITLE MATCH - Jeff Jarrett (w/guitar, US title and the nWo girls) vs. Booker (w/o T) Jeff says this is the last you'll see Jeff US champ, this Sunday he'll be World champ. He then tells the ladies go back to the dressing room. Booker comes out. Hey, he's got pyro! Someone call J Biggs! Tenay shows us he's completely avoided the sledgehammer of plot by saying 'it almost seems like there is some friction between Booker and Kidman.' You don't say? Hey, two blurred signs in the audience! They're multiplying! Can anyone tell me why Booker is feuding with Kidman instead of main eventing? Well it's getting late and I know how this'll end up so I'm halfassing this one. Nice exchanges to start, headlocks, chain wrestling, shoulder tackle, rollup for two, Jeff takes control with a shoulderblock, Booker comes back with a dropkick, hip toss by Jeff countered with a clothesline. Into the corner and another clothesline. Ten punch count along, only to eight. Jeff's atomic drop counter is blocked and Booker hits a Harlem sidekick, another kick attempt misses and Booker is hung up on the top rope. Jeff knocks him to the floor, throat first on the unsafety rail. Jarrett rams Booker's head to the steel steps. Back to the ring. Jeff to the top, crossbody but Booker rolls over for the two count. Jeff puts a sleeper on Booker. Booker comeback and applies a sleeper of his own, quickly escaped, back elbow by Jeff but Booker hits the uranage for a 2.8. Axe kick by Booker on Jeff (the move has rarely looked better), helicopter spin-up, spine slam for a 2.7. Out come the Harrises to distract the ref, Jeff hits Booker with the US belt. Two and three quarters count. Punches by Jeff, Booker takes on the two Harrises as Jeff distracts the ref by going for his guitar. Hbomb on Booker as Nick Patrick tells Jeff he won't be using the guitar. Jarrett hits the Stroke and gets the three. Now to spraypaint Booker. It's Sid! It's Sid! Sid!sid!sid!sid! Viscous in street clothes takes out the nWo and has Jeff in the chokeslam, but Jeff escapes. Buy the PPV! WINNER OF THE MATCH AND STILL U.S. CHAMP: Jeff Jarrett (6:28) ~!~!3/4
Okerlund interviews Dustin Rhodes. Dustin says a bunch of stuff you would have heard if you'd watched the show.
Elsewhere, Vampiro jumps down from on high. The freak is in the house and he's next! -break-
Hey, it only took WCW three weeks to figure out it's not American Dream 2000 but The American Nightmare. Gee, I wish I'd bothered to put that in my fantasy booking weeks ago so I could take credit. What's that? You thought Scott Keith invented fantasy Nitro booking? Don't you ever go to CRZ's [slash] Wrestling site?
In the back, Booker finds Kidman and Torri and complains that Billy wasn't there for him and now he has a soft ass. 'Where were you? I thought we were partners? You were supposed to be watching my back.' Kidman has no response as Booker storms off. You know, I read spoilers that had him asking Kidman to watch his back in the match in which case this segment would make sense.
MATCH NUMBER FIVE - Vampiro vs. Hugh Morrus Vampiro out first. Kevin I'm a good boy, Kevin I'm a f'n savior, Kevin, I'm alive! Kevin, can I go out and... win tonight?! (Gee, I hope Jerry Only doesn't send me any cease and desist letters.) And here's you know Hugh. You can imagine how excited I was when I read the laughing man was making his return this Thunder. Tenay picks up the idiotic 'call Hugh Morrus "Humorous"' bit. Tain't funny, McGee. Morrus charges, Vampiro leapfrogs and hits a spin kick. Stomp, stomp, stomp, chop (whoo!). Chop, kick, headbutt. Morrus hits a german suplex then does his Ministry of Funny Walks elbow drop twice. Legdrop. Two count. Punches to Vamp's head. Hugh Morrus has his hair in the J.C. of N'Sync pointing straight up ponytail. (Please don't email me to tell me the actual name and boy band) Chops by Hugh. Punches, biting the forehead. Vamp encourages Hugh to deliver the punishment. Outside the ring, bodyslam on the floor, off the apron with a pretty cool elbowdrop. Announcers think Vamp thrives on pain and likes getting beat up. Well sure, remember when he and Raven were in Dead Pool together? Vamp hits an enzuigiri-esque backkick to Hugh's stomach. Back in the ring, Vamp on the top rope going for a huricarana(?) but Hugh counters and hits a sitout powerbomb. No Laughing Matter attempt, hits! But no cover, he gets a table. Sets Vamp up, Hugh is going for the No Laughing Matter onto Vamp on the table but Vampiro gets up and back body drops Morrus through the table. 1, 2, kickout! Nail in the Coffin! 1, 2, 3! I'd say Vampiro proved here that he belongs in the ring with the elite of WCW. Match is better than it might sound. WINNER OF THE MATCH: Vampiro (5:27) ~!~!~!
Okerlund interviews Kidman. He couldn't help Booker cuz he was preparing for his match against Dustin (by snuggling with Torri) and tonight he'll give the American Nightmare a wakeup call.
Look! It's the Magic casket of the Demon! -break-
SPECIAL MAIN EVENT MATCH - Brian Knobbs and the Dogg vs. The Demon & Norman Smiley Norman has a KISS shirt on. Dogg hits clotheslines on Demon, Knobbs beats up Norman outside. Elbow drop on Norman, into the unsafety rail. Demon hits a bad clothesline on Dogg then sends him outside. Dogg back in and I must say, he hits about the best spinebuster I've seen since Arn Anderson retired. I mean, it was still pretty bad, but better than most. Let's skip some of this. Norman Wiggles Dogg at one point. I wonder if Tolberg wants to rejoin the WCW Pitcrew. (That racer guy got seventh last week according to WCW Motorsports) Demon on the top rope, Lane and Lodi out to crotch him. Dogg hits a powerslam off the top rope (The Dog pound it's called) and pins Demon. WINNERS OF THE MATCH: Knobbs & The Dogg (Dogg pins The Demon (bet you didn't see that coming!) at 3:54) ??1/2
Tenay hypes tonight's main event. -break-
We come back with a highlight package hyping the matches at Uncensored. You know, half the guys on the card aren't even here for Thunder. Mamalukes, Fit, Funk, 3 Count, Sting, Sid only's done a cameo. I guess WCW's not taking any chances on more concussions.
Okerlund's with Team Package. They talk about the main event.
Kidman (with Torrie) and Dustin Rhodes each walk in different parts of the arena. I hope they aren't lost, they're next! Hello Cleveland! Rock and roll! -break-
MATCH NUMBER SEVEN - Dustin Rhodes vs. Kidman (w/Torri) Hey, get it? Dustin Rhodes, match seven... And earlier WCW Motorsports was right before the Tolberg match. See, WCW is putting stuff like this into the show just to see if we'll catch it. They're testing us. Kidman enters first. I wish he'd hook up with Ms. Handcock and she'd get him a new wardrobe. He's looks like a 16 year old. Clips are shown of the Funk/Rhodes feud. Too bad Living Legend Larry isn't hear to talk about the Ides of March. There's the chicken knocking down Rhodes. You know, I remember years ago when Tyson would completely KO people with just one hit. Dustin punches Billy, Kidman hits a crossbody and a clothesline. And ummm, more punches and stomps by Dustin. Faceslam and dropkick and tornado bulldog by Kidman. Dustin hits Kidman with a cowbell. Let's hope this is about over. Heenan gets a good bit in though. Tenay: 'He just hit him with a cowbell.' Heenan 'So what?' 'What do you mean so what?' 'It's just Kidman.' Heenan deadpans. Rhodes wins, Booker is out to help but Torri's there and Booker leaves not quite happy with things. Guess he's not a fan of the Wilson-Kidman era. WINNER OF THE MATCH: Dustin Rhodes (2:38 though it felt like 23:08) ???
Team Package heads for the ring, looking only as they can look. -break-
MAIN EVENT (aka It's Almost Over) - Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair & the Total Package Luger and Liz out first. Clips of various past things are shown. Flair's out. And there's the awful "American Made" music. This is a handicap match. There are so many jokes to be made anytime you get "Hogan" and "handicap" in the same sentence that I'll let you figure out the one you like best. Hogan doubleteamed to start. Idiots in the crowd chant Hogan. Double noggin knocker, Hogan with clotheslines and punches and eye racks and kicks. Flair flip. Package thrown to the floor. Luger to the steel steps. Belt whips on Flair. Yavaipa! Whips on Luger. Yavaipa! Chairshots on Team Package. Ten Punch Count along with ten being a bite to the forehead of Flair. Backbodydrop on Flair, clotheslines. More biting of the forehead. No sell on Flair's offense. To the top rope. It (almost) never works! Bodyslam, clothesline, belt whips (Yavaipa!). Finally Flair hits the low blow to turn the tide. Hogan is in lots of pain. Well we all know about the side effects of steroids. Chop by Flair knocks Hogan down on the announcer's table. Choke on Hogan. Chair shots by Luger. Doubleteam stomp on Hogan. Now Flair whips Hogan (Yavaipa!) more stomps. Opps. Here's the Hulk up. We know how that goes. Flair flop! Big boot on Hogan. Big boot on Flair (you'd have to have seen it to believe how weak it was) and here comes Liz in the ring with a chair. Hogan gets the chair, Liz goes scurrying, two chairshots on Luger (and none for the homies) More strap whips on Flair. And then the bell rings as the ref puts the match out of our misery. How can you not call your local cable operator? WINNER OF THE MAIN EVENT: Hogan (7:58 though it felt like, how long has Hogan been doing this match? 15, 16 years now?) ??
Actually not a bad show at all. Some good though not great matches on the undercard. It would have been an even better show if it were the week *after* the PPV instead of before. Anyway, Uncensored is this Sunday! I'll see you next Thursday!