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/10 May 2000

WCW Thunder




Hey whoa, the insidious WWF strikes again! Another local spot bought up to hype UPN 44's appearance on SmackDown!

TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - whoosh

Highlight package from Nitro - close captioned symbol, too

Opening credits

PYRO! Lights! Springfield, IL! 10.5.2K (taped 9.5)! Unnamed Arena! Match starts it!

WORLD CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: "HARD KNOX" CHRIS CANDIDO (with Sunny Donna) v. CROWBAR (with Daffney Unger) - "You know - hey, shut up! - you know I just got one thing to say...ever since Tammy has joined me back at my side here in WCW, my Hard Knox life has gotten a whole hell of a lot easier. But remember one thing, guys - especially you, you fat slob - you can look, but don't touch." "Y'know guys, I know I can be a real tease sometimes - but if you got it, I say flaunt it, and baby, I got it goin' on, now hit MY music." Well, they play Candido's music, but oh well. It's not that she doesn't got it, but it's all that stuff she's got ON TOP of it. So we've got these two members of the New Blood fighting because....wait a minute. Crowbar blocks, right, head to the buckle, right, right, chop, into the opposite corner is reveresed, boot up by Crowbar, on the second turnbuckle, hopping up on Candido's shoulders and rolling forward with an attempted head scissors - Candido goes ahead and flips behind him to try to sell it, but it looks UGLY. Candido goes to the eyes to turn the tide. Head to the buckle, chop, into the opposite corner, Crowbar goes up but lands on the shoulder - still he wriggles free and tries a waistlock - Candido holding on, back elbow is ducked, Crowbar bringing him up for a front slam, but Candido holding on to THAT attempt and converting with a DDT. Cover - 2. Candido puts him in the ropes, duck, fireman's carry by Crowbar, well I'll call that a Death Valley Bomb and you can correct me later. Crowbar out on the apron - back in with a somersault legdrop, but as he goes to cover, Tammy gets up on the apron. Crowbar is quickly over to tease some violence to women, but Candido recovers just in time and slaps him in the back. Backdrop suplex - over the top rope! Tammy's got a chair, but Candido's not done - nice pescado on the floor. Candido puts Crowbar back in the ring and receives the chair from Tammy, but before HE can get back in, Crowbar connects with a baseball slide dropkick to the chair to the face! Crowbar out on the apron - to the corner - running splash to Candido on the floor!! Crowbar sets up the chair, right for Candido, have a seat, Chris - RUNNING CLOTHESLINE FROM THE APRON TO THE FLOOR! Crowbar back in the ring and elbowdropping the mat to remind us that he's CRAZAY, BABAY. Candido making his way to the raised aisle, Crowbar over to meet him, but instead he meets with Candido's elbow. Candido standing on the bottom rope - VERTICAL SUPLEX ONTO THE AISLE! Candido hiptosses Crowbar back into the ring - suplex attempt is blocked - Crowbar with a sitout front suplex (which Tenay says is "the Mind Bender") - 1, 2, apparently he kicked out, but we were watching Tammy. Dropkick to Candido, who can't budge in the corner. Set up on top - open-handed slap by Crowbar as he climbs up to meet him - Candido halts the Frankensteiner attempt and hits a SUPERBOMB! Candido going up to finish him off - aww hell, cue the sports entertainment as Daffney gets in the ring, crotches him, and hits her Frankenscreamer. I know that's supposed to get me hot and all, but that was a pretty good match 'til now. Bring in Tammy, time for the catfight rollaround spot. Candido lifts off Daffney, whose trick knee acts up - Crowbar ready for a bodyslam on Candido, but he reverses, scoops him up and PLANTS him with a sitout tombstone. Candido to the top - Daffney won't get him this time - swandive headbutt hits - 1, 2, 3. (4:51) Still, one of the best matches in the New Era.

This portion of Thunder is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer!

Your hosts are the AWESOME 3. Tonight, a very up close and personal interview with Vampiro! Call your mom! More on David Flair! Miss Elizabeth booked against Rhonda Sing! Horace takes on Konnan! And in the main event, an ambulance match - Mike Awesome versus Sting!

Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff plugs "Beyond the Mat" and asks Terry Funk to relinquish the Hardcore title. Cat plays choir to Bischoff's preacher. Funk tells Bischoff he'll have to cripple him to get it. Bischoff asks Funk to name a price and he'll spend Ted's money. Funk tells Bischoff he can shove his money up a muted place, the he takes off. Bischoff asks Cat to go get the Heat - "their problem can be fixed." Oh, and Kimberly's breasts were in this segment...there you go.

Meanwhile, Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner - have - ARRIVED! And they're WALKING! As we take a long, loving look at their rented car, we pan left to see - OH MY GOD! THE GOLDBERG SCARY MONSTER TRUCK!

Wanna see WCW? Monday Nitro is in Biloxi! Tuesday Lafayette hosts Thunder! Wednesday, it's Alexandria! Tickets go on sale Friday for the Bash in Baltimore! Also on sale Saturday, Thunder in Knoxville!

Vince Russo takes the Badlanders to New York City - while Daffney plays in traffic, David Flair gets his first look at a naked woman. Hey, this isn't GIULIANI'S New York!

HARLEM HEAT (with J. Biggs) v. TERRY FUNK for the hardcore championship - Say hey, Stevie Ray: "Hey! Hey, Terry Funk! I'm gonna make this short and I'm gonna make it sweet! The bosses want you to leave that strap with them - you were too stupid to do it - I don't know if you were too senile, but see, right now, me, Harlem Heat, we want a Hardcore match, and where we come from, punk, that means somebody gonna have to call Lifeflight for yo ass, so get your old decrepit (fruit booty) ass out here, and we gon' stuff it in this trashcan right here - get yo ass out here right now, I'm ready to hurt somebody!" Q: Why is "fruit booty" muted when "slapnuts" isn't? A: RACISM! Funk comes to the ring with a chicken in each hand - methinks I have been saved play-by-play duties! SALMONELLA LEFT! SALMONELLA LEFT! Funk's one and Heat are three so the numbers eventually take the upper hand. Ray holding him for Big T's flying clothesline over the top rope. Biggs takes the fourth headset and tells us it's his birthday. T holding him for Ray on the second rope - amazingly, Ray hits *Funk* as he comes down instead of his partner. Kash holding him for T - punch *finds the mark*. This is like the most times one heel has holded the face for another heel without the heel hitting his partner. Double spinebuster! Crowd chanting "Terry" - I think. Kash off the ropes with a fat ass splash. Ray puts the hand on him - did Funk kick out at 2, or did T tell him to pull him up? Ray holding him for the trashcan lid - too much of a pause here...T doesn't want to hit him? Ray shouting - T swinging - well, he got Stevie Ray. On purpose or on accident? Kash asks wassup, T says taste this right hand! Ray up and now he and Big T are trading blows. T taken to the apron, Ray over the top rope, they're fighting...while inside the ring, Kash is giving us a "yo!" and a "wassup!" and Funk's all "please turn around so I may waffle you with this chair" and referee "Blind" Jamie Techer is all "better count to three here!" and Biggs is all "travesty!" (3:21)

We cut backstage to see Bischoff tell us he's not finished with the old man yet - and Cat says that he's not finished with the old man yet.

Back to the ring, where Big T and Stevie Ray are this close to getting separated by some more refs - and Funk is celebrating on the floor.

Vampiro T-shirt ad

Time now for the WC Thunder Tailgate - where the fans rule! Oops, Tony forgot the last W - or did he? Valvoline Max Life rules! That's SOME party! Well....

Time now for the SHOCKING Vampiro interview - Mike Tenay provides the boldface...Vampiro supplies the puffy shirt (black, naturally)

Vampiro, I have to admit I'm a little surprised. We were scheduled to do an up close interview, an opportunity to learn a little bit more about your personal life, your personal background, and you show up in character for the interview.

Uhh, Mike - I'm, I'm never really "showing up in character." This is - this is the way I've been all my life, and this is the way it is every day.

Why the face paint? Why all the tattoos?

Uhh - I s-- I started getting tattoos and, and painting my face, ahh, for two reasons - one was that I was a big fan of, uh, underground music and hardcore punk rock and things like that and I was also - always ashamed of myself, ahh, I felt I always had to apologise to everybody for the way I was, and, and I was always intimidated by everybody 'cause I came from such a poor family, and I was always ashamed of people looking at my face, so I thought I'd give them something else to look at.

Ahh, I'm confused - ash- ashamed? This doesn't make sense to me.

It doesn't make sense why I have to be here and - and try to explain myself to somebody like you who's not gonna get it anyways, you know? People like you and everybody else in WCW are always trying to figure out who I am and they want me always to talk about why I do this and that - you know, I spent my whole life on the street, ah - being criticised and ridiculed for the way I look and, and things I believed in, and then you've got somebody here like Sting, ahh, who's babied, and ah, you know, he paints his face, and he gets into character twice a week, and ahh, you know, it's like another acting job for him, and, you know, he's pampered, and where I gotta be like this every day of my life, is something that really drives me crazy.

Influences that you may have had in your life, be it rock and roll or professional wrestling?

Well, I had a lot of influence with rock and roll, and ahh, with pro wrestling, and and I always thought it was great to mix 'em together, 'cause I always thought the dark side of ahh ... [pauses] I wanna, I wanna say one more thing about Sting - ahh, he's always worried about his schedules, and he's trying to, to fit in time to come to work, and he has a hard time getting motivated, and ahh you know, he's worried about all his movie appointments, and taking care of his pets. So I thought I'd help him ahh, I'd relieve him of some of that responsibility.

Taking care of some of his pets?

Yeah, this is Steve's, this is something I got last Monday, a little souvenir.

This crow? Steve's?

Yeah, this crow. Steve - you know, the actor, Steve Borden. Sting. Sting?

Mmm hmm.

So, anyways, you know, I know Sting, he's out, he's busy at home gardening or - or babysitting his other pets or whatever he's doing - I know he's never really got out of the house much, so I wanna enlighten him with a little story about rock and roll, a real famous story about the Ozzy Osbourne incident, the record signing.

Educate us.

Uhh, basically what happened in New York City, he went with his wife to RCA records, and when they got in the room, once they signed the deal they were gonna release a- a hundred doves, but Ozzy grabbed one..and, uhh, bit his head off, he spit it out on a - on a record executive's lap, and the only thing that really bothered me was, uhh it wasn't documented on film and nobody really got to see that, so...I'm thinking to myself that, that a real important moment in rock and roll, and...I think I would like to, to recreate something like that somehow.

On live television, s'what you're talking about?

Yeah. On live television.

Please. Please...

Right here. It was a great moment in rock and roll--

You know... This - this isn't - you know, this isn't right. This isn't right--

--and I don't think he doens't get that kind of stuff. Live TV. Live TV.

It's a very uneasy situation for me at this point, it's very uneasy--

It's just rock and roll.

It's just - just too uncomfortable for me, I'm sorry.

At this point, Sting appears and busts in on the proceedings. When we cut back to Sting and Vampiro, the crow's disappeared and Sting is punching away on him, head into the wall - "You've got so much darkness in your life, haven't ya? (right) I think we should shed a little of the light onto your life! (light stand to the back) I am SO tired of your pity party, c'mere, let's have our first cage match! (birdcage to the back)" Vampiro laughs. "You think it's funny? Huh?" Buttdrop on the back. Vampiro still laughs. "C'mere - IAN. Ian...listen here, you don't have to be ridiculed every day of your life, I don't wanna ridicule you. See, there's something about you that I kinda like - but you're just full of this pity, constantly, every day of your life..." Sting caves in his face. "So listen here, bonehead - I can show you the way, if you'd just listen to me..." He walks off...and Vampiro laughs...

When we come back, we get a replay of what we just saw. Tony: "Ian, if you will..." Tenay characterises the end of the action as "sick laughter."

SHAWN "THE PERFECT ONE" STASIAK v. LASH LeROUX - Let Us Take You Back to Monday where Hennig acted in a matter to confuse us in Stasiak's match with Captain Rection. Tenay asks aloud what a fired guy is doing out there, and I'm glad SOMEBODY who wasn't me did. Lash takes the mic, so I guess we'll get an explanation. LeRoux, in between off camera noise, tells us that he's got a new nickname - Corporal Cajun. Him and the MIA, they got one mission - to speak in French! Before the match starts, CURT HENNIG is out to take fourth headset and possibly provide a run-in later in the match. LeRoux has his hair in a Hugh Morrus scrunchy. Hennig says that he did NOT help Stasiak on Monday, he was just getting out of the way himself. Hennig says he got the Misfits reinstated - well, that makes PERFECT sense. Oops, pun not intended. Crowd chanting "Meat." Hennig provides the outside interference by dropping LeRoux facefirst on the commentary table, then Stasiak hits the fisherman suplex for the pin (3:10). The rest of the MISFITS IN ACTION hit the ring and Hennig bails out over the barricade and through the crowd - Stasiak poses on the aisle - Schiavone helpfully provides "Fans, I don't know!"

Russo tells Liz that perhaps the score reads "Liz 3, Russo 0" and he's getting a real New York ass kickin' - maybe he respects her a little more today than he did yesterday - maybe he even underestimated her a little bit, but more importantly than that, she's underestimated him. Russo tells her this is a fight she can't win, and tonight, she gets Rhonda Sing. All she's gotta do is beat Sing and the contract goes back to "him." Didn't she win by DQ on Monday? And, by the way, he altered her outfit a bit. Can't wait for these ads to be over!

Back to New York and Russo's tour with the Badlanders - some hilarity ensues when they fall upon a "statue of liberty" cigar indian and Russo convinces them that it's the REAL statue.

RHONDA SING v. LIZ - Sing comes out to the music they usually give Tammy - yuk it up, it's all downhill from here! Elizabeth comes out to Russo's music and her camo pants are now cutoffs - yeeha! Let Us Take You Back to Monday where they retroactively change the ending of Monday's match to "no contest - thrown out." Hey, Elizabeth's got some nice gams, wot? Sing sits on her in the corner - now motioning for a splash. Liz could probably step aside if she weren't so busy giving us the "deer in the headlights" look. Well now THE NARCISSIST is in the ring and standing between them. Sing wants him to step off, Luger refuses. Crowd chanting "Lu Ger." Sing runs at Package, who ducks - she stops short and Elizabeth puts up both boots and tries to connect - Sing staggers backward into the Rack - and apparently gives it up. (1:59) Package and liz embrace in the ring - hey, he's got him a tushy squeeze there! Anyway, VIC VENOM appears with THE MAIN EVENT CHUCK PALUMBO, and sends him off to make merry with his bat. WHACK! But it hits *Elizabeth*. One for Package as well. Palumbo stomping away and batting away on Package. Russo gives us "approval" from the entryway as we fade out.

Moments Ago, under the watchful eye of the TV-PG-DLV ratings box, Chuck Palumbo carried out Elizabeth over his shoulder to Russo - and they both kept going.

VIC VENOM, DAVID FLAIR & DAFFNEY are out to Russo's music and entrance video - I have a feeling they'll share a few words with us. "You know, I know you are all very excited to see me - but, I must ask - I would like a moment of silence for the departed Nature Boy Ric Flair. Because on Monday night, we all saw Flair get into his limo, tail tucked between his legs, and he told the Total Package 'Package, I am done with the wrestling business.' I - broke - Ric - Flair! So, now that Flair has resigned from WCW, I'm not gonna let him off the hook that easy. Because what you people don't know about is, you don't know about the other side of Ric Flair. You don't know about Ric Flair, the father - or should I say Ric Flair, the monster! For 21 years, he tortured this innocent kid, David Flair, right here! But now, have no fear, because now David has a REAL father that he can look up to. So David, I promised you the time. YOU tell these people the REAL story of the Nature Boy." "Everybody shut up while I'm talkin'! Let's face it, Dad - you were NEVER there for me. Maybe you were there for me, callin' me on the phone, callin' me from the arena, callin' me from the hotel, well you know what? Where-- shut up when I'm talkin'! Where were YOU on my first day of school? Where were YOU at my first baseball game? Where were YOU when I was at prom? Where were ya? He weren't there! Shut up! Well you know what, Dad, now it's time to turn the worm. You see me show up in that white Corvette of mine - shut up - it looks pretty good wrapped around me, doesn't it? And that tall, long legged blonde you see hangin' off my neck sometimes - that's not too bad for a guy that you didn't have time for! You got it? But you know what - the cat's in the cradle, so to say, and ahh, you know what Dad, I'd like to talk to you but you know what? I don't have time for you now! You got it? And you shut up!" Flair says "you know what" like Faarooq used to say "guess what." More from Russo: "But wait a minute! This goes way beyond Ric Flair - because I'll tell ya right now, there's another piece of garbage back there that is just as guilty as the trauma and the turmoil that this kid had to go through - and Uncle Arn, you piece of crap, I know you're back there, so you come out here and face the music, punk! This kid's got something to say!" The IV Horsemen theme plays and here comes ARN ANDERSON. I have a feeling that anything he says will put what we've heard so far to shame. Russo: "Kill that pathtetic music - what is this, a stampede? You've got a microphone in your hand - you've got something to say, you'd better say it quickly, Arn." "After what you've done, all you can come up for an explanation is, 'I'm mad at you, Dad?' And THIS is your answer to your father? Let me tell you a little something about your surrogate father, David. Hell, I didn't even know my dad - never met him - I didn't know my mother either. This ain't a 'poor poor pitiful me' story - this is to tell ya I know where you're coming from. You know what he is? You know what we call him in the back? He's a groupie! He's a groupie with power! That's a dangerous combination. The reason he deals with guys like you and the guys in the New Blood is because he can control 'em, David. He can't control guys like Funk, your father, me, Luger, Sting - he can't control their minds! What he does is he gets in your head, because you're young. He can tell you a thousand different ways how he can make you. David Flair: eclipsing Ric Flair! You said your dad was never there for you. I know how hard it is to be Ric Flair's son. I was his partner fifteen years, and every time I came through ropes, in one of these towns, people compared me to Ric Flair. Right there I was, Arn Anderson - Ric Flair - was I worthy to be his partner? Well it was tough, but you know what, it made me part of who I am. That's reality. You understand, David? You said he was never there for all those events? Maybe I can just enlighten you where he was, because I was there with him. I was running up and down these roads 320 days a year with Ric Flair having an anxiety attack so bad he could barely catch his breath because he couldn't be at your graduation. I've sat in his hotel room many nights with his foot stuck in a bucket of ice and water because his ankle was swollen so bad he couldn't even stand. I've seen him with a 105 temperature in the morning gettin' ready to work a double shot and I'd say 'Ric, how can you go to work today?' He would say people like you and you and you and you drove a hundred miles to see Ric Flair, the World Heavyweight champion, wrestle! So I know you suffered, and I know Ashley and Reid have suffered, and I know that your sisters suffered, but there was something at the end of the rainbow, David. These people can tell you about real life - you go out in this town - you go around the corner from a ten million dollar office building, and you got people sleeping on the streets! It's sad but it's true, it's America. You never had those problems, kid - all you had to worry about is which college am I going to - which private school? What kinda car am I gonna get at graduation? That's what you had." "He's heard enough, Arn! And I don't wanna hear any more, quite frankly, either. Because let me tell (voice breaking here) ya the way David and I see things! The way David and I see things are you are full of horse CRAP! You come out here with a tale of woe that David doesn't wanna hear, so let me make it real simple. I heard you say a couple weeks ago that Arn has one good fight left in 'im. Well, guess what, Arn - that one good fight is gonna take place tonight! You're right baby - because tonight in this ring, you will have your punk ass in that corner, and David's ass will be in that corner. And Uncle Arn, tonight, baby, we are gonna be done with you as well!" "Well, you know, Magic Man, and I guess you can make things happen after all...I probably got a friend or two back there that'll loan me a pair of boots and a pair of sweats. So, look at that stack of dimes standing there, your mentor, and let me just tell you like it is, pally - I ain't the Enforcer no more, but pal, you sure as hell ain't your old man - let's do it." Arn gives his thumb across the throat, but we look in the ring instead.

Eric Bischoff is talking to Palumbo - Cat and Kimberly are also standing nearby.

Meanwhile, outside the arena, Hulk Hogan's Dodge Charger pulls up - and Hulk Hogan gets out - and he's WALKING!

I GET LETTERS: Clyde Ford notes: The thing is when they give the mic to Ric Flair and Arn Anderson, they're showing how bad the others are. They are such great story tellers.

Wanna party down at the WCW Thunder Tailgate party? Well, you gotta be down with Finish Line!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Boston Market TV dinners, Judge Wapner's cash scam, Super Soaker, and WCW Powerslam Wrestlers!

Buff Bagwell laughs a lot - and carries the WCW MasterCard. I hate it when Buff makes a joke that nobody gets but him, and he laughs hysterically - but that's just me

Close captioning brought to you by Meineke!

Bischoff asks Funk for the hardcore title belt - Funk talks loud and says nothing. Bischoff says he's got one more match tonight. Funk makes merry with his towel and it gets so bad that Cat actually has to threaten to use a red slipper!!

"THE MAIN EVENT" CHUCK PALUMBO v. TERRY FUNK for the hardcore championship - Palumbo meets Funk on the raised aisle and it's on. If Funk's wrestling, it's time to advertise Beyond the Mat and sure enough we hear about Funk's knees - again. Palumbo goes under the ring for a table and brings up a lot of dust (smoke?) with it. Table in the corner - Funk whipped through the table. Palumbo stomping away - Funk rolling outside, Palumbo out after him - Funk fighting back - and to his feet, as well. Left, left, left, left, left, barricade, over the barricade. Coming up next, Horace vs. Billy Kidman - hmm, it was Konnan at the beginning of the show - are they still rewriting this show? If Horace loses, he's fired. How many fans will be rooting hard for Kidman? We're walking all over the place - back over the safety rail - behind the curtain - behind the music - Beyond the Mat - broomstick! Plastic garbage can! Four different kinds of plastic garbage cans, even - and a good ol' metal one as well - now we're outside the building - Funk pounding back - Palumbo putting his head on a rail - he's gonna put him OVER that rail and through a Cuisinart - oh, here's THE NARCISSIST to provide the run-in. Big blows aplenty, head to a door, and into a dumpster - three big stomps - Funk in behind him, tossing a garbage can near him - covering, and referee "Blind" Billy Silverman counts 3. (4:24) Package is back on Palumbo, putting his head to the railing and repeatedly asking "where's she at?" Silverman calling for the bell even though he's outside the building - he's so wacky. Here comes R&B SECURITY - OH MY GOD!! THE CAMERMAN JUST MACED HIM!! About a dozen guys swarm on Luger, and cuff him. Palumbo is happy to slap around Luger now that he's maced and cuffed - run into a door. "I'm the Main Event! I'm the Main Event! IIIIIIIII AAAAAAAM THE MOOOOOOOUNTIEEEEEEEE!"

Horace and Hulk Hogan - are - WALKING!!

Advance Auto parts presents "This Week in WCW Motorsports!" Unfortunately, nothing happened this week, so Blaise Alexander tries giving us a tour of the truck. "There's where we keep the spare car - well, we don't have one this week, so you kinda have to imagine a car here. Also, some Monster Truck action which isn't scary.

Goldberg is still eatin' that Spree!!

Here's another look at the Thunder Tailgate! Why's that guy wearing Warrior facepaint? Why does everyone love Yamaha? Who can say?

Out back, it's a white limo - and it's Kevin Nash leaving his empty drink on top of the car! We zoom in on some goings on behind him as we walks (he's WALKING!) away - it's Norman Smiley and Ralphus with a "Will Wrestle For Food" sign. It'd be wrong of me to ask how they got from St. Louis to Springfield, so I won't

BILLY KIDMAN (with Torrie Samuda, Cracka Eazy-E, Konnan, Raymond Stereo and Da Juice) v. HORACE (by his damn self) - "You people know how much I love you...but you know what, Billy? They forced us into this! Hulk Hogan and Horace forced us to the point we are tonight, so I want to assure you - most importantly, you, the future of sports entertainment around the globe that tonight, if Hulk Hogan steps one of his big feel into the ring before the bell, Horace will be fired, no matter what. I will banish him to some small remote island where he will be wrestling pygmies for the rest of his miserable, bald-headed life, so do, my friend, what you do so well! Oh, and by the way, Horace - come on out and dance with the future!" Kidman all over him - whip is reversed - chokeslam - clothesline in the corner, kick, kick, chop, whip into the opposite corner, clothesline, chop, whip, clothesline, Kidman clotheslines referee "Blind" Charles Robinson - well, that's gotta be a DQ - hey, Robinson's gonna call for the bell! But Bischoff is up. "Absolutely no DQ - this is a rule change - this is an official rule change - official - no DQ!" Horace puts a distracted Kidman outside and chairs him. "Don't lay a hand on me, I'll fire you!" Horace turns back around to eat a dropkick to the chair to the head. Bischoff tells Kidman not to worry about it - this is a falls count anywhere match. Cover on the floor - 2. Back in the ring, Kidman with a slingshot legdrop. Elbow, whip into the ropes is reversed, big leg ducked, but not the big boot. Horace punches away as Bischoff announces another rule change - this is now a handicap match. Konnan eats a punch, Mysterio clotheslined down, Guerrera clotheslined down, Konnan with a gutshot and tumblin' clothesline. Mysterio punching away on him - now it's time for the Juvi elbow. Konnan stomps on him. Set up in the corner for Mysterio's broncobuster. Kidman calls them off and gets on the top rope for the Savage elbow - 1, 2, kickout! Stomp, stomp, stomp, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline ducked, Horace has him up - Spicolli Driver! 1, 2, 3!!! Bischoff declares the match a Tejas Death match and demands a ten count. Robinson counting - crowd counting along. 8...9...Kidman to his feet. Horace over with a boot, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, right, Bischoff in with a chair to the back. Bischoff sits down in the chair and demands Kidman cover - but first a triple stompdown by the Filthy Animals. Bischoff decides this is an "I Quit" match, lies down next to Horace and tells him that instead of firing him, he's gonna create an opportunity for him to work for "the premiere organisation in the world - that's right - WCW and the New Blood, whaddayasay?" Horace spits in Bischoff's face. Bischoff demands that they pin him, so all four men pile on Horace - 1, 2, 3. Bischoff declares the match over even though there was no ten count or Horace saying "I quit" - but hey, who needs logic? (6:17) Almost immediately, YOU KNOW WHO comes out to "American Made" and cleans house of all four men, 'cause, you know, he's *Hulk Hogan* and all. Bischoff comes back in with his chair - WHACK - but Hogan no-sells it. "Right gimmick, wrong man" says Tony, whatever the hell THAT means. Bischoff decides to take off, and while Hogan chases him to the outside, the four are back in to put the punishment to Horace - ring that bell a few hundred times! Now KEVIN NASH comes out to the Wolfpac theme. The Animals give us some slackjaw agapeness for the benefit of the cameras - shouldn't they just run off instead? - and now they AREA leaving - hiding at the commentary table. And NOW, the music is cut off by the music of VIC VENOM. How many performers DOES it take to qualify a segment for clusterfrickery? "Finally, Kevin, alone at last. You know what, Kev, I got your message from Monday night, and I've got my (balls) and I'm standing right here. But Kevin, I've got to ask you a question - how many brain cells have you burnt over the years, Kevin? Because I'm gonna throw a couple names at ya, Kev. How about Vinnie Vegas, Kev? How about Oz, Kev? When you were Big Daddy Cool in the WWF, Kevin, who really put the 'Cool' in Big Daddy Cool - you or me? But Kevin - don't worry, because I'll tell you one thing, my boy - Russo will make Nash cool again, baby." We hear a splash - and when we look back, Nash has some of the red stuff on him - but there's a HUGE puddle right NEXT to him, a few feet off. The crowd is visibly in hysterics. "Come and get some, big boy." Nash calmly walks out of the ring and down the aisle. Play his music again!

Jimmy Barron phones in the Road Report with 1-800-CAL-LATT - Monday Nitro hits Biloxi - feel it

The Wendy's Classic Hamburger replay is Horace's spit, Bischoff's chair to Hogan, Hogan's no-sell, but not the red stuff dumping on Nash - go figure - it must not have been Hamburger Bliss

Outside, Russo and Bischoff are running to a limo - isn't that Nash's limo? Well, here's Hogan and Nash with baseball bats for the windows of the limousine. They wanted to use their arms but they saw what happened to Goldberg... We get a brief view from inside the limo as well. Don't know how that camera got there...

ARN ANDERSON v. DAVID FLAIR (with Daffney Unger) - Anderson is out shirtless so as to show off his neck scar. I have failed to mention so far that David still has the belts Ric brought out on Monday - Daffney's wearing them at the moment. Flair with a woooo - lockup, side headlock, chain wrestling, Anderson shoves him in the back. Flair stamps. The red stuff appears to still be slowly dripping from the ceiling and forming another puddle in the ring. Hope they avoid that area. Side headlock by Anderson, Flair putting him in the ropes, attempted hiptoss is countered with a fireman's carry takeover by Anderson. Anderson: "You understand, kid?" Flair with an elbow, elbow, elbow, Tenay tells us Vince and Eric got away (HOW?!?), knee, knee, knee, Arn with a knee, clubbing blows to the back, head to the buckle, left, Flair pokes the eyes. Right, right, chop, woooo, chop, woooo, chop, strut. Tenay: "He [Anderson] can't use his left hand, either!" Anderson puts him in a choke and trades places in the corner - left, left, left, left, left, left, oh well. CROWBAR is out - duck, SPINEBUSTER!! Daffney is in - drops to her knees - Arn got her by her hair - back elbow for Flair as he tries to sneak up behind them. Anderson turns to Flair - and gets a Golota from Daffney. Flair with the statue of liberty, which he breaks over Arn's head. Crowbar puts referee "Blind" Jamie Techer through the ropes to the floor as Flair clamps on the figure four. Crowbar stomps away on him - dropping the leg. Crowbar counts a 1, 2, 3 - Flair's music plays so I guess that's it (2:13) - either Anderson bladed on the back of his head or some more red stuff fell from the ceiling on it...

Promotional consideration paid for by Boston Market TV dinners (again), Motel 6 7/8, Corn Nuts, Targon mouthwash, Boston Market (third time's a charge), and WCW Battle Arms - by any means necessary!

Goldberg needs one more Spree! Won't he just ADMIT that he has a problem?

The tour of New York continues as the Badlanders experience FAO Schwartz

Moments Ago, that same David Flair broke a statue of liberty over Arn Anderson's head - is it just me, or does the statue break before it even makes contact?

RICK WOOF WOOF is out to some old music that used to belong to somebody else but escapes my mind at the moment - Let Us Take You Back to Nitro and show you how Steiner came back, as well as that SCARY Goldberg Monster truck. "There's two things that mean nothing to the wrestling world anymore. That's 'who's next?' and Goldberg. You see, Goldberg, the man I'm about to bring out - he ain't flashy - he ain't pretty - but he will knock you out. You see, Goldberg, you're not 100% anymore. You have a weakness. So whenever you decide to step in that ring, this man WILL knock you out. So let me bring him out - the soon-to-be World Heavyweight champion - Tank Abbott." Just like on Monday, we look back to a dressing room door where we're gonna go through this whole thing again, with R&B Security leading the way. THIS time, however, JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE comes out with a sparkler in each hand - not only is this a better parody, but it saves a ton of money on pyro. Steiner continues. "Turn that crap off! Last night, Scotty, what I tried to do was keep you from gettin' fired. Now I'm sick of comin' out and keepin' you out of trouble - I've had to keep you out of trouble my whole life - so what I did tonight last night - you had it comin'. 'bout a year ago you decided to trade places and join the NWO and turn on me. Well I told you that night I'd never forget it, and someday I will pay you back. Last night - now we're even." "Goldberg, you think you can run my car over - well, I'm gonna run your ass over. When are you gonna come out of hiding, you piece of garbage? See, I'll give you a whuppin' just like your mom did when you were a young'un - you want-- bring it on!" Because the music of KRONYKK has interrupted them. "You wanna shoot - bring it on, any of the boys in the back, Goldberg, bring it!" Kronic carries the tag belts - even *I* can't remember who had them last. Adams: "Hey! We're real impressed with your shooting backgrounds. But what we can't stomach any longer is you two shootin' your mouths off!" "Ey, you want some? Come get some! You don't like me? Bite me!" "Better yet, I got a suggestion - what say we come out there and shoot our boots straight up (your asses)?" It's a Pier Four Brawl - here comes BAGWELL & DOUGLAS and you can bar that door, Katie - it's a full-on Pier Six brawl. Everybody has to gingerly walk around outside the ring as the floor is all wet from "new blood" cleanup - in fact, I think it's still very slowly leaking from up above...Bagwell & Douglas somehow get the tag team belts back and make their escape - R&B SECURITY and SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER put in appearances at this point - Stenier fights his way through the security and makes it to the ring - but Rick and Abbott take THEIR leave. Now, Steiner and Kronic have some fun taking out all the R&B Security members that fill the ring. We get a shot of Steiner & Abbott yukking it up at the goings-on in the ring - there's High Time - Steiner with a belly-to-belly overhead suplex - they bash forearms like they were on the A's...the cameraman masks the big red spot in the ring by positioning a ring rope in the shot, right in front of it...

NOW we go backstage and see that spooky, mysterious Goldberg monster truck crushing Abbott an Steiner's car. Commentators are SURE that Goldberg's driving - yeah, but they're all dumdums! ad

One more New York vignette - David asks Daffney if she'll marry him - and she screams yes. Oh boy, I hope they put the wedding on Nitro and it turns out that Daffney's already married earlier!

"THE CAREER KILLER" MIKE AWESOME v. (THIS IS) STING in an ambulance match - Let Us Take You Back to Slamboree for the Foley bump by Kanyon - and now to Nitro for a black and white shot of the table Awesome Bomb of Page. We take a look at the ambulance parked next to the stage - the man loaded into it loses the match. OH MY GOD, A SCARY CROW!!!! There's a great joke for Awesome's new nickname, but it's 5am, I'm really tired and can't think of it at the moment. A whopping twenty seconds into this match and Awesome is already hunting for furniture under the ring. They're all on the aisle - Sting dropkicking the table into Awesome's face. Table on Awesome - double stomp! Perro Aguayo couldn't have done it better - BACK BODY DROP THROUGH THE TABLE! Right, right, kick, right, Awesome finally off his feet. Right, Awesome with a right, right, now they're walking towards the ambulance. Struggling in a collar-and-elbow - off the side of the stage, camera misses Awesome but Sting climbs down onto the bumper. Please, God, don't let it be Vampiro in the driver's seat. Sting puts Awesome in the side of the ambulance. Awesome climbing over DJ RAN's set next to the ambulance and now ON TOP of the ambulance. Sting following. Blows are traded on top of the ambulance - gutshot by Awesome - he wants an Awesome Bomb - geez, almost dropped him on his head - Sting back on his feet - backdrop? No - another Awesome Bomb attempt - Sting flipping over and hits a Scorpion Death Drop! Sting calls to the crowd - then climbs down to the floor. Sting opens the door to the ambulance - aw crap, it's JOBBIN' VAMPIRO - RED MIST! RED MIST! Vampiro puts Sting in the ambulance - referee "Blind" Billy Silverman calls for the bell (3:15) and the ambulance drives off - with Awesome still on top of it...credits are up - and we're out.

The Last Man Watching Thunder
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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications