WCW Thunder by mdb
Ed from tOA provided the following pearl of wisdom. If someone could pass
this along to Russo, we might all be better off:
Russo says aside from Bob's site, the WCW site, and even the WWF site, he
doesn't read too much on the net anymore because it's all so negative.
"The internet is the future. If you're not paying attention to the internet
you're not in touch with your fans. That's what got the WCW in trouble.
People were telling them, 'Hey this stuff sucks' and nobody listened."
Kinda sums it up, huh? You know some people think I have this big personal vendetta against Russo, I have nothing against him at all. He's just a lousy booker. He put on one good show, the April 10th Nitro (though even that one featured lousy wrestling), and after that it's been a total mess. Sorry, but it's true.
Caught somewhere on tape it's WCW Blunder, er Thunder.
Hey, to the guy who sent me the email saying he could get better Thunder reports written by his dog using a pencil stuck in its butt: Cute trick. If you can teach it to use a typewriter send the reports to email@example.com and we'll see if we can't work something out. If not, well, I guess you can always go on Letterman.
Show opens with highlights from Nitro then a Goldberg-centric Thunder intro.
You know I hear Russo writes these shows using the same trick described above, though he doesn't need a dog.
MATCH #1 (aka It's Only Just Begun) WCW HARDCORE TITLE MATCH - TERRY FUNK vs. CHRIS CANDIDO - Candido thinks he's Stevie Richards or something, coming to the ring dressed and acting like Funk, though without the stringy black hair it doesn't work very well. Candido gets the mic and says "I'm out here tonight by myself because..." and I get ready for him to shoot on Tammy (him, maybe that's a poor choice of words), but he finishes the sentence talking bad about the WWF and ECW and praising Russo & Bischoff. Oh well. Funk walks down the ramp to the ring, Candido charges, back-bodydrop on the former Bodydonna. Chairshot. Let's walk to the back spot. Brawl in the backstage area spot. Candido's thrown onto the bed of a truck that for some reason is already running. Funk drives of leaving the poor ref behind. We cut to the cameraman that was hanging out at a nearby ranch who tracks the truck driving up. Brawl in the ranch area. Lots of comedy hardcore garbage wrestling spots. The two go into a horse's stall and Funk almost gets killed by a backleg kick from the horse. Russo obviously didn't learn from the Goldberg incident. I'm so tempted to back a joke about a wrestling stable, but I'm not feeling too clever right now. Funk gets the pin.
WINNER OF THE MATCH - TERRY FUNK
As a general rule, I like wrestling shows that open with a wrestling match. I'm not liking this show so far, if you catch my drift.
Ric Flair does an interview. He has Reid and wife Beth with him. Standard Flair interview. Russo and David Flair comes out. I'll skip all the unneccesary stuff. Russo implies Beth married Ric for his money so I guess we can expect Beth to turn on Ric at the PPV. They set up a match for tonight, Ric & 12 year old Reid vs. David & Russo. *sigh* No Daffney (who was out getting surgery of some kind, I forget) or Hancock with David. Or Torrie for that matter. Say what you will about the son of the Nature Boy, he must be some kind of stud.
Russo puts Cat in charge of the show. Now let's watch the fun!
Kidman demands a match with Horace against Sting. Torrie's still with Kidman, for now.
Kimberly demands mic time and better security than R&B. Well, she's not so dumb after all. She gets Mike Awesome. After the break the two go to the ring, Awesome speaks first and brings up Kanyon. Oh yeah, whatever happened to that whole Awesome in Kanyon's hospital room? Oh well. Guess that was all just last week's sports entertainment. Kim insults the crowd. Some guy runs in the ring to get near Kim and gets Awesome bombed through a table that Mike had propped up in the corner just in case something like that happened.
Norman and Ralphus are walking through a nice neighborhood when they notice some kids going to a backyard wrestling event. If these two are fired, why is WCW paying a cameraman to follow them around and get this kind of footage?
Cat gives Shane Douglas a WCW World Title shot against Jeff Jarrett tonight. Why would he do that? Because it's fun!
MATCH #2 - THREE WAY DANCE - STING vs. BILLY KIDMAN vs. HORACE HOGAN - Halfway through the show, we get another match! Kidman and Horace both open the ropes for Torrie. Torrie declines to enter the ring since the two are arguing over who gets to hold the ropes for her. She's obviously hot for Hulk anyway. Sting runs to the ring, jumps over the top rope and hits a flying clothesline on the two. Match premise is that Horace hits a move and goes for the pin and Kidman won't let him. Sting rallies, sets up a table against the ropes and press-slams Kidman over the ropes, through the top half of the table onto the entry ramp. Neat spot. Finish has Horace and Kidman staggering on the ramp in front of the broken table, Sting charges down the ramp with a Stinger spalsh onto the two. Horace drops out of sight, Kidman gets the Scorpion Deathlock and the job. More dissension between Horace and Kidman. Horace is special ref at the GAB match for the Kidman vs. Hulk retirement vs. title shot match. Don't suppose Horace will turn on the New Blood at the PPV do you? Wait, too predictable, I say Kidman turns on the New Blood.
WINNER OF THE MATCH - STING
Remember when Kidman's career held promise?
Hey, Goldberg's back! I saw someone guess that the big announcement was going to be Goldberg going heel. They can't be that dumb can they?
Gene Okerlund visits with Tank Abbott and Rick Steiner. Tank's going to wrestle Goldberg in Atlanta. I won't get into how the whole 'attack innocents' angle fizzled and instead be positive that they are building something to try to get people to tune in to Nitro. Of course, Goldberg says he's not ready to return so it will either be a 30 second squash or a big crowd pleasing schmozz.
MATCH #3 - WCW HEAVYWEIGHT JUST A PROP MATCH - JEFF JARRETT vs. SHANE DOUGLAS - The world title has sunk this far. It's a shame. I'd really be surprised if Shane wins the belt here. Really surprised. C'mon Russo, shock me. I dare you. Then Douglas can drop the WCW title in the trash and say the ECW- aw who am I kidding? Finish has Cat do that spinkick to kick a chair VanDaminator style on Douglas to give Jeff the win.
Page gets interviewed by Tenay. Hopefully CRZ will transcribe this. Actually, it'll be just as well if he doesn't. Tenay thinks all this bad stuff might be Page's fault and Page doesn't like that. The whole world's against him! Don't worry DDP, you're still the people's champ!
Cat says that the tag team titles can change hands on a DQ tonight. Is your Spidey-sense tingling?
So when this whole David & Daffney thing falls apart, I want to see Daffney repackaged as Kronik's manager Mary Jane. And they can call her Frankenscreamer the Mary Jane 'Rana. Thank you, I'll be here all night.
MATCH #4 - WCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH - KRONIK vs. STASIAK & PALUMBO - See, Kidman and Horace forgot to steal the belts after last week's match. You don't become a champ by pinning the other team, that would be illogical. You "take" the belts. Match isn't actively bad. Crowd actually pops when Kronik hits their finisher, ref stops at a two count to notice Adams using an international object on Palumbo leading to the DQ and the changing of the titles. See what pot does to you, kids? It makes you stupid.
WINNERS OF THE MATCH AND NEW WCW TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONS - STASIAK & PALUMBO
Ahh, that's got a great ring to it doesn't it? Tag champs Stasiak and Palumbo. Palumbo. Say it a few times.
The backyard wrestling skit with Ralphus and Norman Smiley continues. I hope the Playaz got some good vidcaps for the sleazy background pic of the day feature. Norman offers to show the neighborhood champ (who has a cardboard covered in tinfoil belt) some moves, including a ¾ nelson into a pin. Ralphus counts three and Norman runs off with the belt. I understand Bob Ryder thinks this belt is just as valuable as the WCW world title. He's probably right.
WINNER OF THE MATCH AND NEW WCW BACKYARD WRESTLING CHAMPION - NORMAN SMILEY
Tony Schiavone interview with Eric Bischoff. Big announcement at GAB that will change the face of sports entertainment.
MATCH #5 - DAVID FLAIR & VINCE RUSSO vs. RIC FLAIR & REID FLAIR - Where's that Russo quote about him not wrestling like Vince McMahon did? "I'm not a wrestler. I'm a writer. Should I be in the ring like Vince McMahon is? The answer is no." -Vince Russo, October 1999 WrestleLine interview. So much for that. Ric chops David to start. Ric says he'll stay out for three minutes and let Reid take on Russo. Reid gets a few leg takedowns and a spear on Russo. I'm sure Vince will use that to justify the finish that has Ric knocked out, David applying the figure four and Russo getting the pin on Reid. Russo goes all Kurt Angle after the match. Beth is all concerned. You're going to buy the PPV, aren't you?
WINNERS OF THE MATCH - FLAIR & RUSSO
Back from commercial Ric demands a match against Russo in a cage at Nitro in Atlanta. Hey, that's pretty good booking there.
MATCH #6 - KEVIN NASH & SCOTT STEINER vs. RICK STEINER & TANK ABBOTT - See Nash and Scott want to recruit Rick to the nWo but Rick - what, no? Oh. Cat on a whim decides the person who gets the pin gets a PPV shot against Jarrett at the GAB. I'd think if I were booking I could come up with a better way to set up a PPV main event world title match, but hey, that's just me. Finish has Jarrett guitar Scott Steiner, who was about win with the Recliner. Cat says no DQ. Nash powerbombs Scott Steiner and gets the pin. Show closes with Nash and Jarrett doing the staredown.
WINNER OF THE MATCH - KEVIN NASH
A better show than most of the recent efforts, I'm almost sorry I didn't put more into the show report. Almost. If I really hated Russo and WCW I could pick apart a hundred flaws in logic and continuity but I won't. The second hour was pretty watchable overall. Let's all hope Russo is starting to calm down.