Come to think of it - Madden got fourteen mails when I *didn't* ask anyone to write him, and Hyatte gets twelve when I go out of my way to try to keep him on your mind during his hiatus. This either says more about me than the people whose email addresses I sneak into show reports....or the opposite. ("Wow, that's DEEP, Chris." "Oh, shut up. It's MY report and I'll say what I want! ME ME ME ME ME--" "All right, all right! It's NOT deep! Sheesh." "Thank you.")

TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - when his lips are moving

Cat speaks on his cel phone (for the first time in history, he's actually *calling his momma*) as the close captioned logo watches. Cat says he's going to book Vampiro and Muta in a match with Kronic as revenge for Monday's attack. He's also got a main event booked for Nitro that we won't believe! The music starts playing, and Kaz tries to attack through the sunroof. This leads to some attacks by all three Dragons...unfortunately, when Yang misses the Cat with his sledgehammer (ahh, the weapons of the deadly martial arts - nunchuks, kendo stick...and sledgehammer), he follows through and takes out the driver's side window. Unfortunately, Smooth WASN'T behind the wheel....but here he happens by now, and he ain't too pleased. The Dragons run off and Cat holds him back. Smooth asks for those "lizards" in the ring tonight. Cat says he's got it. Smooth is so angry, not ONCE does he say "smooth!"

Light the pyro - it's the Civic Center in Wheeling, WV and it's 26.7.2K (taped 25.7) - it's WTBS and it's WCW THUNDER!

As the FILTHY ANIMALS walk out, Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's Nitro Where Evan Karagias sprained his ankle - he could be out for as many as six weeks. This'll probably explain why the Animals are bringing a ladder to the ring - and it might *also* explain why they didn't make it into the four-way tag match upcoming at the pay-per-view, hmmm? Let's listen on - oops, they're all taking turns saying "wassup," let's *not* listen on. Leave it to WCW to find something that was cool about six months ago, and only NOW try to cash in on it. Come to think of it, did they start doing it before or after Buh-Buh Ray Dudley started doing it? It was close, that's for sure... Hey! Wrestlepalooza makes the front row!! The Animals say they've brought a training ladder for Karagias - and his crew of cranbarries should come down and...ehh, I wasn't paying attention. Konnan lost me after "feel/that's enough." Here comes JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE with OUTRAGEOUS EVAN KARAGIAS accompanying. Karagias is on crutches; Abbott carries his square. Abbott: "Cut the music! You know, Filthy Animals, I think everybody knows that I'm the REAL tough guy around here - and I'm gonna issue a challenge, you see, tough guys aren't afraid to dance. So I'm gonna issue a challenge - let's do a dance contest! Hit the music!" "Sing Along with 3 Coutn" starts up and there goes Abbott. The Animals all laugh it up - then we catch Helms & Moore jumping the rail and catching Konnan & Disco from behind with dropkicks. Hmm, I think there's a match here...

SHANE HELMS & SHANNON MOORE (with Evan Karagias & Jobbed to David Arquette) v. RAYMOND STEREO & DE JUICY ONE (with Konnan, Disco Inferno & Tygryss) - before I could type out all them names, the JUNG DRAGONS run out and attack 3 Count. Then they disappear. --the hell? Guerrera hits the slingshot legdrop, poses, and goes back to a fallen Helms. Back elbows - Helms reverses, to a waistlock - what's that, a straitjacket suplex? Golly! Mysterio comes in and sweeps the leg, breaking the bridge at 2. Guerrera whipped into the rope, Guerrera puts up an elbow. Tag to Mysterio - Helms whips Guerrera into the ropes - Juice reverses and Mysterio dropkicks him - Moore making the save at 2. Mysterio whips Moore into the ropes, reversed, Moore boosts Mysterio over his head into a Helms powerbomb. Scoop by Helms, tag, backbreaker by Helms - then pulling on the top rope to bring in Moore with a slingshot senton with a twist. Elbow, into the ropes, Mysterio does his spin, gives a shot to Helms on the outside, Moore ducks, pulls his head backwards to the mat and covers - Guerrera over at 2. Moore on Guerrera with punches. Back to Mysterio, who reverses a whip into a big Juicy boot. Guerrera with a ... dominator? Holding Moore for a Dudley-esque legdrop to the graun. Mysterio putting him in postition - a shot for Helms on the outside - Juvi elbow MISSES - standing legdrop by Moore - quebrada misses, but Helms is in with a superkick - cover - 2. Mysterio and Helms lock it up - Helms tries for the powerbomb, but Mysterio rolls into a cover - Moore saves at 2. If Heenan were here, he'd offer a million dollars to Tony to tell him who the legal men are. I wish Heenan were here. (Moore and Mysterio - I think) Current crop of commentators, of course, is more interested in hyping up the unknown Nitro main event. It's gonna be one of THOSE nights, isn't it. Helms whips Mysterio into the ropes - got him on his back - Moore over with a swinging neckbreaker as Helms slams him down. 1, 2, save. Helms on Guerrera - whip is reversed and Mysterio dumps him over - baseball slide into a 'rana by Mysterio. Guerrera with the Juvi Driver on Moore....no cover - he's actually going for the firebird splash? Well, shut my mouth. And it sorta hits, too! 1, 2, 3. (5:28) I was worried with the early run-in but they made something out of that.

NEXT: Booker T is WALKING!

This portion of Thunder is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer!

Here comes BOOKA T. to say a few words, but before he gets there, Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where this happened - and this here - and look at this - and this over here - oh, and Booker T pinned Bill Goldberg. Yeah, no big deal. "You know, after Monday night, meeting Goldberg face to face, one on one, I can honestly tell each and every one of you people I feel like I've been to hell and back. But the fact is this, I survived. Goldberg, let's get one thing perfectly clear: I don't like you - but I do respect you. So you ain't gotta run around cryin' and moanin' and groanin' about Booker T beat you in the middle of the ring, 1, 2, 3, because I promise you Goldberg - it's gonna happen. Someday we're gonna meet, somewhere down the road, it's got to happen. But until then, Goldberg, you can save the drama fer yo momma. August 13th, New Blood Rising, Jeff Jarrett, I know you're probably in the back right now, tuning your guitar, because you wanna take me out, but it ain't gonna be that easy, because these are my people in this arena. And before I lose the World Heavyweight title, I will die right here in the middle of this ring, so Jeff Jarrett, quickly...and I'm gonna say it, and I'm gonna say it one time and you all have heard it - Jeff Jarrett, when it's all said and done, don't hate the player, hate the game." As if on cue, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out to offer a counterpoint. "Booker T, I promise you your days are numbered as WCW Champion, because at New Blood Rising, that title is going back around the waist of the Chosen One. So tonight, I don't want a shot at the gold - all I want is a piece o' your ass. You see, the Chosen One is not gonna bother in asking the Cat for a title shot, because I know all he wants to do is protect his prectious pay-per-view main event. But by the same token, you're dead set on defending that title each and every week, so I know there's not gonna be anything left of ya by the time New Blood Rising rolls around, because I'm gonna see to that. So why don't tonight we have ourselves a little warmup - just me and you in a nontitle match - in a real man's man's match - in a Bunkhouse Brawl? And just in case the Cat wants to flip his blonde wig, let's make this match a Lights Out match - no DQ, no rules, there must be a winner - this match will be completely unsanctioned by WCW - just me and you, Booker - one on one - whaddaya say, Champ?" "Jeff Jarrett, I say to that - we ain't gotta wait 'til the end of the night, let's do this right now!" Jarrett rushes him and they trade punches until SECURITY comes out to separate them. This verges on being interesting, so let's cut to

TONIGHT: Goldberg SPEAKS!

Buff Bagwell thinks carrying the WCW MasterCard is the FUNNIEST thing in the world...so why don't you?

Backstage, security is still having difficulty pulling apart Booker T and Jarrett - the Cat is in the middle of this now, saying that there's no way they're locking up before the pay-per-view - and if he catches them together, he'll beat BOTH their asses. Each man tells Cat they want a match tonight, but he's adamant. Then he changes his mind and gives them the match. Well, that was some decisive leadership there.

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Miss Hancock and David Flair - asking her about the ROTC match, Hancock says at the pay-per-view, she'll give the guys all they want. She also challenges Major Gunns to an arm wrestling match - and if any of the MIA comes out with her, the pay-per-view match is off. "...and tonight, arm wrestling - ho ho, mama!" Oh, come ON, Gene.

THE ACRONYM (with Paisley) v. SKIP OVER - Artist spends as much time humping the second rope as Paisley does - yuk yuk. There's actually a "PUSH ELIX SKIPPER" sign in the crowd. Let me guess - the Worldwide superstar gets the "surprise" upset. Whoops, I should have called the ANGRY KIWI appearance as well, but I didn't. Paisley fails to deliver a chair to Artist, instead taking off after Kiwi. Over hits a modified Rocker Dropper - or tries to, anyway. Artist fails to match his head with Over's knee, so who knows WHAT that was supposed to be. The "Overdrive," says Tenay. Whatever it was, it gets the "surprise" pin (3:59) Hey, guess what? It's not a surprise if they win EVERY time! Sanders wins last week, Jindrak & O'Haire win their first appearance...why, it's SHOCKING! SURPRISING! Oof.

Gene O. stands with the MIA (sans Stash) and Gunns tells us she's got really big breasts - I mean biceps. Okerlund cackles with glee. I'm glad for the ads, 'cause my fast forward finger has been nervously twitching for about ten minutes here.

The all new 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report says Nitro hits the Firstar Center in Cincy - MONDAY!

Judy & Buff Bagwell are WALKING! Judy wants to visit the Cat - RIGHT NOW! Then she pulls her son along by his ear. Heh, heh - maybe she'll swear later!

M. I. SMOOTH v. JUNG DRAGONS in a Handicap match - Kaz and Jamiesan force Yang down to the ring - then they force Kaz to start. Kaz ducks a clothesline - Yang in a choke - HE ducks a clothesline. Double dropkick to the knees puts him down. Triple dropkick! All three men get to stomping. Each man tries a cover - each man is kicked out "with authority" before referee "Blind" Billy Silverman can even hit the mat once. Dropkicks to the back of the head - all three men pile on - Smooth kicks out "with authority." M.I. stands for "Missing Ice," right? Smooth dumps Kaz to the outside onto Yang - Jamiesan makes a funny face (but he's wearing a mask!) and runs into a powerslam. Smooth hits Uncle Slam for the pin. (1:26) Those Dragons are sure getting a push, aren't they? I wonder what Bob Ryder thinks about this.

Kanyon is WALKING! Also, he's got a shiner.

TONIGHT: Goldberg SPEAKS!

New Blood Rising promo

Judy Bagwell barges in and interrupts Cat's call to James Brown - then demands a match with Kanyon and messes up his executive sculpture. Cat grants her wish - then tells Buff he better take care of his momma.

MAJOR GUNNS v. MISS HANCOCK (with David Flair in a zebra shirt) in an Arm Wrestling match - GOD I miss Heenan tonight. Standard arm wrestling match sees the heel (de facto, Hancock) repeatedly stall. To mix it up a bit, it's *Flair* that drags her to the table and forces them to lace fingers. Hancock's so annoyed she won't let Flair kiss her. They strain and struggle - back and forth we go - and then Flair puts his weight on their hands and gives the victory to his girl. (:18) Gunns kicks the bottom rope - then decides to slap Flair - grabbing Hancock...but before any clothes can be ripped off, Flair is back over to grab her and hold her arms back so Hancock can mace her and rip HER top off. As her expression changes, however, the camera turns to see...standing behind Flair...THE WALL. Here's a chokeslam for Flair. He's wearing a System of a Down shirt and camoflauge pants. Over to the blinded Gunns - "It'smeit'smeit'sme - it's me" - and she hugs him. Commentators remind us he was fired a week ago - I admit, I'd totally forgotten. Read into that what you will. Say, anybody seen Lenny since he won his job back?

Gene O. stands with Kanyon, who shows off his black eye. He says he's got everything but a Kimberly, and he needs one. Kimberly? Who's that? After making the crack that "bags are thrown in the trunk all the time," Kanyon reveals that Buff is barred from ringside in his upcoming match with Momma.

Meanwhile, Gunns and Wall hook up with the remaining MIA (where's Stash?) - Rection reveals that Wall was fired; therefore, this isn't the Wall...this is Sergeant...AWOL! Ahhhhahahahahahahahaha! AWOL! It's - it's like A WALL! HAAAAAhahahahahaha! That's FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!! HAAAAhahahahaha - BWAAAAAhahahahahahaha - anyway, Rection says if he wants to be a Misfit, he needs to assume the position - then Cajun and Loco shave his head. Wow, 'cause you know all the other Misfits have shaved heads---wait a minute

Meanwhile, Muta and Vampiro seem to be working a pretty good sneak attack on Kronic...I say this because they're left laying while Muta - YES! - MAKES THE MUTA FACE!

The WCW Ringside Release is "Nutty Professor II: The Klumps" - really, is any comment necessary?

What a smart looking crowd we've got!

Booker T prepares for his big match

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett fondles some weapons

GREAT MUTA & JOBBIN' VAMPIRO v. KRONIC - Let Us Take You Back to Monday when Muta and Vampiro took it to the Cat in a BRILLIANT SWERVE. "Ernest Miller - your plan backfired on you! For sixteen years I've been waiting for this moment - the Juggalo army is one million strong, and now it's got two more - the Great Muta and Vampiro - we're here for one thing, I don't care about winning, we are here to kick everybody's ass in WCW and if there's anybody in the back that's got the grapefruits big enough and wants to walk on the dark side and play with the dark carnival, come on out RIGHT NOW!" Well, *obviously* Vampiro doesn't care about winning. I guess Kronic isn't coming out. Here comes MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE. Man, you don't think they'd give them the victory over...well, it *is* the jobmaster... HEY! - MUTA MADE THE MUTA FACE!!! MUTA RULES!!! Too bad he's been paired with such a *loser* - oh sorry. Commentators wonder aloud where Demon is - one would wonder why they'd even CARE, but... Great moment - O'Haire tags out, Jindrak comes in - they work a doubleteam - and then Jindrak, the LEGAL man, gets back out. Geez, does nobody understand how tag team wrestling even WORKS anymore? That, and I REALLY miss Heenan. He's such the complete opposite of a COMPLETE IDIOT. Oh look, Muta got a submission out of Jindrak (3:02) with a ...what did you call it? A Kimura lock? Yeah, I'm gonna dog it the rest of the night - deal with it. Hey, more fun! DEMON is out. He lets Jindrak & O'Haire pass - then he turns around and clocks 'em from behind. WOW! I **NEVER** SAW THAT COMING!! Put back in the ring, the 3 on 2 is on - I wonder if maybe Kronic will save them. You think? Each man gets the "Beth" from Demon. And *now* KRONIC is out. Demon stands outside as Kronic demolish Vampiro and Muta. Muta kicks Adams, breaking up the High Time, but Vampiro STILL gets to feel the wrath (ha ha, I'm so clever) of the Meltdown from Clark. Adams gives Muta the full nelson uranage.

Kanyon is WALKING!

Meanwhile, Judy Bagwell, still carrying her son's ear, deposits him in a locker room. Now she's WALKING!

COMING UP: Goldberg SPEAKS!

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Judge Wapner's cash scam, America (ha!) Online, and Motel 6 7/8

Gene O. chats with Big Vito and the TV-PG-DLV ratings box. Tonight, he wants a rematch with Storm! No, wait, he wants to go buy some gifts for his family?

"POSITIVELY" KANYON v. JUDGE JUDY BAGWELL - Let Us Take You Back to Nitro. Judy trots out to her son's theme, then lights the pyro. She fails to double over in laughter, though. Tenay: "If Buff's the stuff, you think Mom's the bomb?" Me: "If Buff's the stuff, I definitely think that makes Judy the muff." Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson is all "are you sure you wanna do this?" And Kanyon's got a mic. A *dead* mic, butnonetheless...Kanyon tries three times, but no dice. Robinson produces a second mic. "Listen, bro - I've Diamond cut you - 'scuse me, Kanyon cut you two times, two times, two times already. But when I did it, I was being easy on ya. If I Kanyon cut you here tonight, you're gonna get hurt, and hurt real bad. So being a positive kinda guy, I'm gonna give you a chance to get outta here without being injured - I'm giving you a chance to leave scot free, what I'm telling you is get outta heah. This...is your last chance. Hit the bricks--" and she kicks him in the nuts. Right hand! Kanyon shoves her away before she can continue pummeling him. "Now ya did it! Now ya did it! I'm gonna Kanyon cut you right here and right now!" The music hits and BUFF DADDY BAGWELL shows up. "Back off! Back off! Don't you get in here or I'm gonna break her neck! You get in here and I'm gonna break her neck. Back 'em up - I'm gonna break it! Wanna get outta this? We will get outta this and she won't be injured - I'll let her go if you agree to one stipulation. If you agree, that at the pay-per-view, New Blood Rising, when I beat you, then I get her - SHE becomes my valet - *my* Kimberly. You agree to it? You want me to let her go? I'll let her go right now--" and maybe he gave her the Kanyon cutter - the camera doesn't catch it - that's the director's way of saying "we'll just give him the benefit of the doubt." Let's call that (no contest 1:30) They fired Mona to pay Judy Bagwell - you heard it here first

Franchise and Torrie are WALKING! Apparently, tonight Franchise is going to display a little tape of his own...Torrie tells us she just dropped it off with specific instructions ten minutes ago...

Meanwhile, Kidman laughs - and tosses...a videotape...say, you think it's the same--nahh. Damn, I *wish* they could spell it out for us a little more!

Advance Auto Parts brings you "This Week in WCW Motorsports!" Yep, let the cliffhanger end - *Goldberg* is the baddest monster truck in the land.

Vampiro T-shirt ad

Kanyon quickly bundles into his car...and drives away. Check that - he Kanyon cuts a security guy - THEN drives away.

Meanwhile, Booker T laces up

FRANCHISE and TORRIE SAMUDA hit the ring. Torrie speaks first - lucky us. "Cut the damn music! Billy...I don't know where you got that tape you aired on Monday, but it just goes to show what a lowlife piece of scum you truly are. Do you know what kind of position you put me in? That's not what I meant, you sickos!" "Hey Billy Kidman, punk - you wanna play superstar? Be the star of the home movie? You wanna tarnish the image of a beautiful woman like Torrie Wilson? Shut the hell up. Hey Kidman! That's fine, 'cause tonight, boy, I'm gonna show you, with a little movie that she and I put together last night, what a Franchise is all about, Billy - something you'll never be - just a little boy in a Franchise's game, so people, if you're ready to see some sweat - if you're ready to see some bumping and some funnin', I say Mr. Producer in the back, play that raunchy film." But instead of Franchise's videos, we instead get a video of Franchise...not gettin' it up. Franchise accuses Torrie of giving the wrong video to the truck - walks all the way back up to the Thundertron...then behind the curtain.

Gene O. stands with Lance Storm, who says Vito will have to earn a title shot. If he wants a match, it'll have to be "Canadian Rules." Wrestling holds only - no tables and chairs. "If you don't get it done, don't blame me - don't blame Canada - blame yourself."

iWatch Wednesday is next week!

Promotional consideration paid for by Corn Nuts, Motel 6 7/8, Targon (and Torgo), and America (eh) Online

Backstage, Franchise chews out Torrie, who has no idea where the tape came from. Franchise says he needs some space. Kidman appears and brandishes the tape. "Hey! Looking for this?" Since he still had the keys, Kidman broke into her house and went through her video collection. Arrest that man! Oh, hey - Franchise heard all this...and gives him the lawn dart treatment into the garage door.

LANCE STORM hits the ring with "Canadian & Hardcore Champion" chyron. Let Us Take You Back. Storm asks us to all rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem. First guy to talk over the anthem...once again...Tony Schiavone. Anthem lasts (:16) until BIG VITO hops the rail and whacks him with a kendo stick. Right, into the ropes, back body drop, clothesline takes Storm out of the ring. Vito outside, Storm back in, pounding on Vito as HE comes back in. Into the ropes, reversed, modified atomic drop sees Vito spin around and let his trick knee act up. Mafia kick. Into the ropes, Japanese arm drag, legdrop, 1, 2, kickout. Brainbuster. Vito outside and on top...Savage elbow gets 2. Open-handed slap, another, one more, into the opposite corner, Storm up and over - ducks a clothesline, superkick. Vito takes out referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker on his way down. Storm outside and grabbing a chair. WHACK! Storm puts the chair outside as Tucker comes to. 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Storm grabs an ankle but Vito pops him one and turns an inside cradle - for 2. Storm back on him, right, elbow by Vito, elbow, Storm with a jawbreaker - Vito sidesteps the charge and he hits the post. Release German suplex - big lariat - 1, 2, no. Gutshot, trying for the jumping DDT but Storm holds on and hits a Northern Lights suplex and bridges - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Vito pounds on him, slap, into the ropes, Storm grabs the leg and rolls through, only Vito forgets that that's his move - Storm wrenches him over into the half crab as Tucker tries to count a pinfall - duhhhh. Will Vito give up? Yup. (3:36) Storm decides he'll just hold onto that Maple Leaf for a while. Ring the bell a million times! Here comes AWESOME MULLET to make the save...Storm pounds on him - into the ropes is reversed, knee to the gut - belly-to-belly suplex by Awesome. Storm slides out and takes off as Awesome tends to Vito.

NEXT: Goldberg SPEAKS! About time, eh?

Close captioning where available sponsored by Meineke!

Jeff Jarrett loads up a barrow full o' plundah

SCOTT HUDSON interviews $OLDBERG for a rebutall to last week's Nash interview. Goldberg disses Nash, saying that he and Hall had ulterior motives for being his friend early on...they wanted a piece of his profitability down the road. Scott Hall has no appreciation for the fans. He does what he does only for the fans. Sure, he gets money, fame, and outside attention, but it's all about the fans. Scott Hall's a jerk. He's uncomfortable with being a heel, but from the beginning he's done everything asked of him. "Somebody" thought it was a good idea, it'd pop the ratings and make money, but..."I don't feel at one with it. It's totally against...Goldberg." Turning his back on the kids was something that made him feel very uneasy, somber, and he doesn't know what to think anymore. He's glad Nash said what he did last week, because he's got a chance to refute them THIS week. Nash talks about him not paying his dues - well, he never wanted to become a professional wrestler. He got hurt playing pro football and his career was cut short. He's become a fan of wrestling because of the opportunity it gives him to give back. Shaking a kid's hand and making a difference is worth more than any amount of money. Nash is right: Goldberg doesn't love the sport, he doesn't live and breathe the sport, he doesn't like a lot of the guys backstage, and he sure doesn't like a lot of the guys he works for, but that doesn't mean he won't give his blood, sweat and tears to the sport to give back what he gets out of it - again he talks about kids in the hospital. Hudson says that one can "pay your dues" with hospital visits even if you didn't pay your dues driving four hundred miles for a twenty dollar payout. "Y'know, Kevin talks about 'well, you know, you haven't paid your dues,' well guess what, Kev - Kev's paid his dues for fifteen years and he ain't never gonna make it to the spot I made it to in three...so kiss my ass, Kev. Sorry. Jealousy's a bitch, isn't it? Sucks, doesn't it? It eats at you every day, doesn't it? Doesn't eat at me - I think you're a joke! While I was kickin' ass on the football field payin' MY dues, you were over in, uh, in, in Europe holding hands with other seven foot guys trying to put a little ball through a hoop - gimme a break!" Turning to Starrcade 1998, Goldberg says for all Nash talks about "me and politics? I don't think so - I don't think so. You forget, don't you Kev. Two weeks after you put your own ass on the booking committee, you're the only guy to beat me - go figure. Pretty smart guy, aren't you...now it's time to pay." Goldberg says the belt is the pinnacle, and while there's no doubt he wants it back around his waist, his immediate goal is to make Kevin Nash suffer - not only for attempting to smear his name in the back, but with the fans. "Does a promoter ask if a main eventer has paid his dues or not?" The promoter only cares about who will draw the most money - not because he's a better person, but because he was the right person at the right time. Goldberg says he and Hogan drew 42,000 - "I don't think Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were involved in that match..." Well, *I* seem to remember Goldberg wrestling Hall earlier that night...oh well. The people that have made this company are Hogan, Flair, Anderson, guys like that. Kevin Nash can joke his way out of a paper bag, but he ain't gonna joke his way out of this one - unless he finds a way to get his ass back on the booking committee. He wants to kill him. Goldberg says Nash's comments last week sounded like a challenge. While he's kicking his ass, he won't even be physically able to run away on his knees. He's gonna need a lotta ice and a lotta Advil.

CAT is out. Since this upcoming match is a Lights Out match, it's unsanctioned. The show's over - lights out - credits up - good night everybody!

.

.

Oh, it's figurative, I guess. They still get music, lighting, chyron, entrance videos and pyro...

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. BOOKA T. in a Lights Out Bunkhouse Brawl - Jarrett is dressed like Dustin Rhodes, for some reason - say, anybody else wondering when HE'LL come back? Cat takes fourth headset and fails to reveal Monday's main event. T ducks the boot and hits a spin kick that takes Jarrett outside - T follows - Jarrett to the barricade - they walk to another barricade and Jarrett hits THAT one. They go over a third barricade and out into the crowd. Right, right, walking, walking, bad camera angle, can't see nothin', T with another right, back over a barricade and at ringside - chairshot by T, Jarrett put in the ring, he's got a shovel - shovel to T! Jarrett removes the chaps and puts the shovel to T's head. Booker T. vs. Sting is the main event at Nitro. Jarrett with a branding iron to T's back. Cowbell to the head. Garbage can lid to Booker's back. Jarrett positions his wheelbarrow and throws T in it. Wicker chair to the head. (Ooh!) Booker put back in the ring. T pops up with the bullrope and choking away. Jarrett's trick knee acts up. Jarrett has a broom - second rope broom breaker on the back. Jarrett poses in the corner - stomp. Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner - Jarrett tries again with the boot - T ducks it, right, right, right, Jarrett FINALLY lands with a swing of the boot. Isn't this, like, the pay-per-view main event? People who pay for this match are idiots. Jarrett's found a gee-tar - T catches him coming off the second rope, but before he can hit the uranage, Jarrett counters with the Greco-Roman eyepoke. Cowbell to the back. Into the ropes, Jarrett chokes him with the bullrope. T to his knees. Crowd starting to come alive for T. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman comes back in to raise the arm - arm falls once, arm falls twice...arm doesn't fall thrice. T to one knee - T to his feet - elbow, elbow, Jarrett to the back of the neck. Into the ropes, reversed, Jarret up and over, flying jalapeno by T! Spinebuster! Into the ropes is reversed, T holds on - gutshot, axe kick! T breakdances back up - but Jarrett's got the guitar - as T tries the Harlem sidekick, Jarrett breaks the guitar over his knee. Jarrett to the figure four, even as T is under the ropes and draped over the apron. T won't give up - crowd trying to come alive once again...but T passes out. Silverman calls for the bell. (7:31) Jarrett: "I am... the fuckin' Chosen One!" T writhes in pain as Jarrett poses with the title belt. And we're out.