Short and simple opening stuff.
Look, if you missed my point during the Nitro report, I can't help you. You need a site with bigger print and smaller words...like WrestleLine.
At the risk of repeating myself, AND talking about myself (and you KNOW how loathe I am to do THAT) I was writing show reports before Russo took the reins, and I'll be writing show reports long after he's gone. Please find some way to deal with it - preferably one that doesn't involve sending me the lamest email I've ever read.
TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - roll her in flour and find the wet spot
The only good thing I can say about the show-opening nonsense on Monday is it didn't make it into this highlight package. Close captioned logo
Kevin Nash is WALKING! As he pours a cup of coffee, Rick Steiner approaches and talks some trash. Nash says maybe HE'D like to take him on - he'll even put the #1 Contendership on the line. For the third week in a row, I have to ask: has ANYBODY tried out the iWatch bit yet? That logo keeps showing up...
Meanwhile, a motorcade arrives and the Hart Foundation - sorry. Team Canada exits. The Cat and Mrs. Jones are there to meet and greet, and Cat says that tonight, they'll be teaming up against "a great group of Americans...Missin' in Action!"
Opening Credits - don't blink or you'll miss Saturn
Light the PYRO! We are on tape from the Riverside Colesium in Kamloops, BC 16.8.2K (taped 15.8) - Is that like Froot Loops? Hey, this is "Thunder" - get used to my "B" material ALL NIGHT LONG
KRONYKK (with stills and Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) are out to say a few words. "Yo, check this out. We've been in this country for four days now...and there's one thing that's definitely fer sure. BC is definitely down with Kronic! Listen up, Harris Boyz. Nobody blames you for tryin' to start an issue with THE hottest tag team in professional wrestling...but remember this, when you jump on top of a mountain...when you fall down, it's a long ways down. Now WCW has flown in four wrestlers to supposedly give us an attitude check tonight. Well, I'll tell you what: we will not only beat all four of these punks, but I guarantee you we'll beat 'em in two minutes or less! In fact, we're gonna call it the Kronic two minute warnin'. Now, some people might think we're being a little cocky...but we're just That Damn Good. Ain't that right, B?" "Brian Adams and Bryan Clark are about two things - breakin' necks and cashin' cheques - we're gonna show you tonight why it's all about Kronic!" Out come FOUR HAM'N'EGGERS (I *did* recognise Mike/Michelle Starr, but that's all I can give ya) to Curt Hennig's latest theme (sigh) who promptly get zero offense in as a two minute clock appears in the lower left corner. When Adams talks about "WCW" flying in wrestlers, exactly WHO is he talking about, then? Cat? Russo? Somebody else? Anyway, my clock starts when the bell rings, so I have it at (1:45) when all four men get covered for the 3 - they have 1:43, but let's not quibble. HEY! That must be the coolest Canadian on earth, Wayne O'Brien, hoisting the sign for the homeslice high. Wayne O'Brien! You da man! Thanks for mentioning CRZ.net from the second row! On the Turnertron, the Harris Boyz appear, say a few words, then drive off on Their Beautiful Titan Bikes. Stevie Ray: "Hey Tony, as you know, I ride motorcycles myself, and those are nice bikes. They got style."
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, MIKE TENAY & SAY FROOT BOOTY ALREADY. Tonight, Nash takes on Rick Steiner, MIA takes on Team Canada, the Filthy Animals defend the straps, Tony talks to Jeff Jarrett, and "the Match of the Millennium." Har har har.
TONIGHT: A split screen shows the competitors in the "Match of the Millenium." Here's a hint: neither man is a wrestler. One more so than the other...
Backstage, Mike Sanders tells the Filthy Animals he can help them out with their enemies - after all, he was at the power plant with Jindrak, O'Haire, Palumbo and Reno. Don't underestimate them! Everybody seems to be closed to the idea of the Above Average one hanging with them...except Disco Inferno...
Meanwhile, Vampiro expresses disbelief that he had a title in WCW...and then came back to earth when he realised his team had jobbed them away not 24 hours after winning them. Muta, hooded, does a mean Masato Tanaka impersonation...if Tanaka were a mumbler. Say, what happened to Tanaka anyway? He go back to Japan? Actually, hearing Muta say "DEEmun" is rather entertaining as well.
DAVID FLAIR (with the iWatch logo) walks to ringside to prevent us from seeing wrestling. "As you people can tell, I'm in a lot better mood tonight. There's something I wanna say in front of all you people, so Stacy would you come out here right now?" And so SKYE comes out here right now. "God, you look beautiful tonight. You know when I first met you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. And I care for you so much, you know, and uh...I just love you and...when I first laid my eyes on you, I knew...I knew you were the one for me." Stacy's making the "c'mon" motion with her hand, but I don't think he's gonna wrap it up just yet. "And when I found out about the baby, you know, this is just the thing I wanna do." Stacy holds out her hand for a ring - Flair kisses it. She pulls it back. Flair to a knee. "What I'm really trying to say is, you know, since you know we met in front of all these people--" "Say it!" "Stacy, will you..." and the music fires up as the MISFITS IN ACTION (sans Stash) hit the ring. AWOL *clocks* Flair with a clothesline. The other three men surround Stacy as AWOL pounds on Flair. Scoop - backbreaker. Scoop - another backbreaker. Cajun: "Hey, look at my sideburns! They look like the letter L, don't they? Look! Look!" There's a chokeslam. Hey how about a second one? AWOL motions to Major Gunns "Now you'll think twice about messin' with a lady!" They all walk off. Stacy picks up the mic. "David, you can't even do THIS right!" She removes the ring from his pocket and puts it on - then gives a "hey, this is too small" look for our benefit. Now, the Misfits would be....faces here?
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report sez: Nitro Monday Wichita? THATita
TONIGHT: Jeff Jarrett tells us how it go
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with the Misfits (and the iWatch logo). Rection steals the mic and tells us that they're at war with Canada. If they don't nip this in the bud tonight, they'll "reproduce like wet Gremlins after midnight." Did Rection go to the Roddy Piper school of current references? Crowd promptly fires up a "US Sux" chant. Rection tells Storm his war with him has just begun. Yikes - a Rection/Storm Canada title feud? I mean, I *like* the guy but even *I* know not to put him NEAR any titles!
Meanwhile, at a monitor, Daffney is wondering to herself why this monitor doesn't get any more channels. Crowbar appears and asks her if she's okay with what just happened with David...he's there for her. She says that she's SO over that chump that it has no effect...and besides, her secret admirer sent her chocklit! Crowbar pounds his head after she leaves.
As the FILTHY ANIMALS & "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS head to the ring, Let Us Take You Back to Nitro, where Juvi & Rey lucked into the tag team titles, thanks to "Mexican Strategy." During the mic time, Disco will say something ethnic, then put the mic in front of Sanders to repeat it. Konnan calls him a "j-brone" and takes him to task for "rockin' the Filthy Animals mic" in an unauthorised manner. Konnan mixes it up by having ring announcer DAVID PENZER take part in the "feel/that's enough" bit (with the belt, thankfully). Disco: "Yeah, that's enough." Sanders (two octaves lower): "Yeah, that's ENOUGH." Disco thinks Sanders has got it like that, but he's met with some derision.
RAYMOND STEREO & DE JOOSY ONE (with Konnan, Tygyrss, Disco Inferno & "Above Average" Mike Sanders) v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE for the tag team championship - boy, there's so much WRESTLING on this show, I must say. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week...and to Monday, where it appears that a small cadre is forming amongst Perfect Event, Jindrak & O'Haire, and Reno. By the way, Cubs Fan did NOT tell me Reno was Rick Fuller - he said Rick *Cornell*, and I was just in a daze from the worst Nitro ever. Pete Panaro was the first guy to call me on this. Konnan calls Sanders a "cranberry," and Stevie Ray brings back "sad sack" to describe him. Oh, yeah - Konnan's on third headset. K says that any two Animals could defend the titles. Konnan and Stevie Ray actually spend a goodly chunk of time preventing Tenay and Schiavone from doing any sort of commentary. Tygress has FIFTH headset. Konnan and Stevie Ray discussing clothing now. "CHILLIWACK" sign in the crowd! Yo! By the way, nobody wrote me taking credit for it, but I wanted to thank whoever displayed the "1..2..JOHNNY ACE" sign at New Blood Rising. I'm thinking that might have been Wayne O'Brien as well...I must ask him. If you're wondering why I haven't bothered with play-by-play yet, first of all get a life, and second of all I must admit I've already seen this and know that RENO & CHUCK PALUMBO come out to cluster up this match (relaxed DQ 4:46) while, on the outside, Mike Sanders turns on the Animals (SHOCKING!) and uses some mace as well. I know what you're thinking: where the heck is Sean Stasiak? Also, what does the Cat think of all this outside interference? But the most AMAZING thing about this is the fact that, at the time of the run-in, O'Haire actually had Mysterio down for the count off his Seanton bomb! So, let me see. Rather than actually go for the pin and, you know, win the tag team titles, you'd rather have your friends come out and beat on the man? Oy. Somebody's trying REAL hard to ensure that titles don't change hands on Thunder...
Thunder is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!
With the sound of DJ Ran in the background, we look backstage to see Gene O. approach Norman Smiley - tonight he's got the Mark in a Kamloops Street Fight and he needs some hardcore tips. Smiley says he's really trying to get out of that business, but for him, he'll give him some pointers. Gene: "Hey, I'm thinking a piledriver...hey, what about a Frankensteiner?"
Meanwhile, 3 Count pretend to sing. Karagias has one line and he can't even get THAT with their rhythm. Tank Abbott enters the locker room wearing earphones - the new song SUCKS. "I'm perfect, but the backup sounds like a bunch of sick cats." Abbott says they need to catch the first flight to America and fix it, 'cause they debut this puppy Monday on Nitro! 3 Count asks where their recording contract and gold record are. Abbott tells them not to worry about that...it's time to go!
SPECIAL MAIN EVENT: THE DEMON (with iWatch logo and without sarcophagus...and with Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) v. THE GREAT MUTA - I can't help it...I *still* have a soft spot for Muta. Kick, karate chop, kick, kick, right, kick, shoulder drive, shoulder, shoulder, chop to the throat, pounding on the back. Another kick. Into the opposite corner, Demon gets a boot up - Muta bounces off the mat in comedic fashion (whoops) - Demon with a clothesline. Right hand, right, right, into the ropes, back elbow - Muta falls down funny again. Demon poised, ready to strike...Muta gets up and Demon dropkicks him. Stevie Ray: "Let me tell you this about the Demon. The Demon is a very, very accomplished wrestler in that ring." Glancing blow across the back by Demon. Snapmare takeover, kick in the back. Front face...suplex. Cover...for 2. That's a big "WCW BLOWS!" sign in the third row. Kudos to WCW for FINALLY figuring out they're better off just NOT airbrushing it out, so I'll drop it. Muta rakes the face. Kick. Snapmare, off the ropes with the wacky elbow. Wayne O'Brien hypes the homebase again - Wayne, you are one cool cat. Muta yanking back on Demon's leg. Got the leg for a ... anklelock? Now turning it over for the half crab. THE JOBBIN' JUGGALO is out and he's got a kendo stick. He's gonna turn on Muta! Naw...they wouldn't do THAT. Demon has the bottom rope - there's a break. Demon manages two kicks to the gut.Right, into the ropes, gutshot, off the ropes with a knee. Vampiro manages to pass the kendo stick to Muta before getting in the face of referee "Blind" Mickie Jay. Muta WHACKS Demon - guess Jay is deaf as well. Muta makes an exaggerated "NO" head shake when Jay asks him if he just whacked Demon behind his back. Demon, meanwhile, has to do one of the LONGEST sells of a kendo stick shot we've seen in quite a while. Stevie Ray asks for the fourth time if Jay saw what was going on. Oof. Muta with a kick in the gut. Kicking the back. Got the left leg...but Demon manages an enzuigiri. Both men down. Demon with the clothesline. Clothesline. Double underhook - butterfly suplex. Demon waiting for Muta to get up - got him in the cobra clutch, but before he can hit the "I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night (And Party Ev-er-y Day)," Muta lets fly with some green mist. Stevie Ray: "Looked like he was goin' for a sugarthemaki!" Schiavone: "It...(stifling laughter) It sure did!" Muta with a bodyslam, then quickly climbing to the top and hitting the moonsault for the pin. (5:36) Vampiro quickly comes in and canes away on Demon while Muta sucks on a rope. Vampiro blames Sting for causing all this. He's got big plans, pal, for him at Fall Brawl. What, HE'LL job to Sting in under a minute? HA!
Somebody repeatedly knocks on the door of Rick Steiner's dressing room...but when he goes to answer it...there's nobody there. OOOOOOH
Pamela Paulshock interviews the Mark. Damn, that boy's got some BAD teeth, too!
Three members of TEAM CANADA comes to the ring to the Canadian national anthem. It actually plays from beginning to end - the long version (1:27). Crowd: "US Sucks!" Stevie Ray: "Now, Tony, I take offense to this." "I couldn't agree with you more...but if I could be serious for a minute...it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you the greatest collection of professional athletes in sports today. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Team Canada! There is, of course, the wrestling technician and Canadian Heavyweight Champion. Carl 'the Rave' Oulette, the most hardcore human buzzsaw in wrestling today! 'Prime Time' Elix Skipper, the NEW WCW 100 kilos and under champion! Tonight, we take over WCW. We take over World Canadian Wrestling. And we send the Misfits back to America red, white and black and blue. Let's do this right one time from the top, all rise for the playing of our Canadian national anthem!" First man to step on the anthem: Tony Schiavone. SHAME! Anthem lasts about (:26) before "Not Edwin K. Starr" fades in...
At this point, I fell asleep again. Who can blame me?
TEAM CANADA v. GEN. RECTION & CPL. CAJUN & LT. LOCO - Cajun and Skipper start - lockup, side headlock by Cajun, Skipper to the body to break if, off the ropes, leapfrog, Skipper tries a hiptoss but Cajun flips and lands on his feet, gutshot, snap suplex. Tag to Loco, Tag to Oulette. Loco runs into a clothesline. Pound, pound. Into the ropes, Loco slides under the next one. Going behind, waistlock, but Oulette back elbows away. Oulette off the ropes...into a drop toehold. Loco runs at Oulette, who picks him up...and ends up on the wrong end of a headscissors. Loco puts the head in the corner, knife-edge chop, elbow, whip into the ropes is reversed and Storm puts a knee in Loco's back. Loco turns around and punches Storm to the floor. Loco turns back around, and gets caught in a choke to a Ligerbomb. In the ropes, clothesline. Tag to Skipper. HE covers - and gets 1. "US Sux" chant. Waistlock - belly-to-belly. Rectio saves at 2. Elbow, into the ropes, back elbow, tag to Storm. Open kick. Into the ropes, SWEET dropkick - and Rection has to save again at 2. Going for a powerbomb...but Chavo flips up and over. Storm runs at Loco, but ends up taken down with a ... floatover bulldog? Okay. Both men are down. Stevie Ray: "Tony. Tony. Is there some kinda heat between General Rection and Lance Storm?" Hot tag to Rection! Clothesline for Oulette, clothesline for Skipper, Storm ducks HIS clothesline, but comes off the ropes into a powerslam. All three MIA in the ring - Rection gets a double whip into an avalanche on Storm. Rection whips Storm into the opposite corner, and Cajun and Loco try it again - and Rection connects again. Rection down on all fours for Cajun's boosted crossbody. Cajun pulled off the apron to the floor by...somebody off camera. Loco decides to use Rection's boost to fly over the top rope onto Skipper and Oulette in a tope! Rection ducks a Storm clothesline - sneaking under for the death suplex. Rection's ready to go up top - fans boo. No Laughing Matter hits! Unfortunately, as Rection covers for 5 or 6, referee "Blind" Mark Johnson has been distracted by Oulette grabbing a title belt to use as a weapon, and he decides to leave the ring to nip that in the bud. Unfortunately again, he ALSO misses the Skipper's grabbed the OTHER title belt and, as Rection climbs up to moonsault Storm again, gets up on the apron to Gilloly him with it. Rection promptly falls to the mat. Canadian Maple Leaf makes it academic as Rection almost instantly taps - to the crowd's great delight. (4:13) Storm won't let go of the hold - and he also manages to headbutt Johnson out of the picture. Crowd cheers this - geez, Canadians sure are stupid. (Except Wayne O'Brien!) CAT comes out with a chair and staves off all three members of Team Canada...then makes the mistake of turning his back to check on the General, and Storm pops HIM one from behind. Idiot Canadian crowd laps this up like a sheepdog - a SLOW sheepdog. Cajun and Loco finally come to and hit the ring, and the Canadians scatter. They're off to have poutine!
The Thunder Ringside Release is Toho Pictures/TriStar's "Godzilla 2000" - "I promise to forget about last year's movie if YOU'LL forget about it"
Cat's still in the ring when we come back. He's sick and tired of Storm AND the Canadian fans. And that iWatch logo too! He challenges Storm then and there. "I tell you what, Cat - I've already won all the belts in this company. How 'bout you put your commissionership, I'll put up my title, and I'll RUN this damn company?" Cat bars Oulette and Skipper from ringside, and they'll get it on. "If you beat me, I will leave this town and never return!" Well, geez, what are the odds of them ever coming back to Kamloops, anyway?"
CAT v. LANCE STORM for the Canadian Heavyweight title and commissionership of WCW - Cat with an arm wringer, holding on for repeated kicks. Into the ropes, double thrust. Breakdancin' elbowdrop. Karate chop, forearm, into the ropes, head down, Sunset flip, Cat gets his balance, chops his crotch, and chops Storm in the head. Stevie Ray: "I couldn't stomach a Nitro and a Thunder every week in Canada." I'm not stomaching them too well as they are ANYWAY, but... Storm surprises Cat with a rollup for 2. Cat with a superkick. Right, right, Storm counters with a jawbreaker. Drop toehold into the turnbuckle. Into the ropes, flying clothesline (lands on his feet). Cat to the gut, again, back on his feet with a forearm, to the corner, climbing on top for a Ten Punch Count Along (even tho' he's a heel here) - Storm stops it around six with an atomic drop. Cat ducks the clothesline, kick, DDT. Whip into the corner, and as he comes out, Cat puts him down with the Feliner! Referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker slowly gets into position...slow 1....slow 2...you can see it coming, can't you? Well, Storm has to actually *kick out* of the man's finishing move because despite all these machinations, CARL OULETTE is *still* too slow to get into the ring and whack Cat with the Canadian flag. (relaxed DQ 2:09) Wow, what a way to book such an important stipulation-laden match! Storm stands over Cat and waves his flag for a cheap (and by "cheap," I mean "Canadian" - check the exchange rate) pop. I wonder what Cat thinks of that outside interference. Well, Cat gets the mic and says that he'll get him Monday night - paybacks... are hell.
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), America (ha!) Online, Judge Wapner's Cash Scam, and Motel 6 7/8
COMING UP: Jarrett talks some more! Set your gag reflex!
Tony says "Right now, we are gonna send it backstage and Pamela, talking to the man going up tonight against Rick Steiner--" and they cut out the words "Kevin Nash," because
Pamela Paulshock stands with Rick Steiner (Tony's a doofus), who says he's the DFG and rambles incoherently until a girder from the interview set almost falls on him ...and Pamela! Steiner complains a lot to two guys standing nearby.
THE MARK (Pittsburgh Steelers) v. GENE O. (Kamloops Blazers) in a Kamloops Street Fight...and "match of the millennium" - Okerlund: "Hold up here, big man. We've got a very short evening ahead of us so you can blow it out your ass!" Tenay: "Yes, he can." Stevie Ray: "Yes, he could, but we'd ALL be in trouble if he did that." Boy, and we were worried that they weren't going to get WRESTLERS over, hah? Okerlund hits a double bicep and encourages his opponent to do the same. And there it is. You know, it just occured to me...if Scaia gained about 200 pounds, he'd look EXACTLY like that guy. Okerlund dares him to take off the jersey - fortunately, he's wearing another T-shirt underneath. Okerlund dares him to take THAT off - he begins to show off his "Before Stacker 2" gut and the crowd very loudly encourages him to put the shirt back down. Tony: "I think that was the man that ATE Lavon Kirkland." Tony used to be pretty hefty himself, you know - that's what makes it so ESPECIALLY cruel. Okerlund takes advantage of his opponent hitting Luger's "lion roaring" pose to elbow him - and we FINALLY start this thing. Another elbow. Timber! Okerlund poses to the crowd - and gets tripped up (very, very slowly) with a ...let's be charitable and call it a "double leg takedown." Blatant choke. Blatant choke again. Stevie Ray: "What? A cat fight." "STREET fight." "I'm sorry - I'm sorry." Blatant choke. It's been a scant thirty seconds, why NOT have a run-in as NORMAN SMILEY comes out, followed immediately by CARL OULETTE - THEY start a-brawlin' on the outside. Back to the choke. BIG VITO is out and HE is staving off Oulette...who ends up going to the back. Vito leads claps for Okerlund, but the crowd has turned on this match, seeing Oulette get beaten to the back and all. Okerlund with a HAND OF STONE - cover - well, his shoulders never WERE down, but he makes a point of raising one in obvious fashion after 2. Crowd inexpiclably chanting "Vito." Apparently, Okerlund takes a shot in here, but I didn't see one. Fatheadbutt. Okerlund actually feeds his arms to he can be dragged into position - hoo boy. Skipping around like the late Adrian Adonis, and climbing the corner for a Banzai Drop, but PAMELA PAULSHOCK, *also* clad in a Kamloops Blazers jersey (albeit one with a lot more material cut away from it) bounces out to ringside (damn, Stevie needs to stop stealing my "B" material), rolls Okerlund away and attempts an uppernut. Amazingly, she finds the mark amidst all that thigh. Tenay gives us his impersonation: "YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH." Okerlund covers. 1, 2, 3. (2:49) Pamela gives him a kiss and jumps up and down a lot. 1-800-COL-LECT provides the replay. Let us NEVER speak of this again.
Advance Auto Parts presents This Week in WCW Motorsports! Blaise Alexander talks about racing on road courses in the rain. Is this a shoot?
Backstage, Vito tells Cat he's tired of this crapola. What, him too? Beneath the watchful eye of the iWatch logo, he asks for a match with Carl Oulette. Yeah, we haven't seen enough of Oulette tonight.
Earlier this week, Tony Schiavone had a sitdown with JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET. Jarrett says that wrestling/sports entertainment has always been ahead of the curve, but it changes drastically every five or six years - it did three or four years ago, and we're on the threshhold of the next change (he knows not what). Ten years ago, says Jarrett, guys haven't been able to get into the business and learn their trade, and for that reason we're really suffering today. Jarrett's learned the business through osmosis. Guys that go to the power plant and end up on Nitro in six months and get churned out AREN'T gonna learn the business. They'll never learn what it is to "sit down and have a thirty minute pay-per-view match, take the people on a rollercoaster ride and really deliver." There's nowhere for people to learn that now. If they say "wrestling slash sports entertainment" one more time, I'll....go get a drink or something. Jarrett says the it's easier to get in the business, and guys have no respect for the business. Maybe it's the higher ups that foster that disrespect. Jarrett says "absolutely, without a doubt" it was the right decision for him to leave the WWF when he did, even though the question shouldn't be part of this interview. Asking if he's comfortable with WCW's current direction, Jarrett pauses...and says "only time will tell," and leads into talk of the front office. "More guys are getting it - they're understanding that we're down right now, and it's not gonna come overnight, it's not gonna come easy, and everybody's gonna have to get on the team and go in the right direction at the same time, and if we don't, we're still gonna be spinning our wheels." Umm, that's a LITTLE vague. Jarrett's seen three different regimes in his ten months in WCW, and he says that's "ridiculous in this business. Without a leader, you're never gonna be successful." Hey, maybe he wants Jerry Jarrett to run WCW - naaah. Tony says he thought he and Booker had Match of the Year Sunday. Jarrett disagrees, saying he didn't think that match took it to another level. Jarrett says we need more guys like Booker T in this business in order to be successful. Jarrett says what Russo's doing now should have been done months and months ago - one of the reasons he was brought over is because he was told they were gonna be bringing the workrate up. Geez, Jarrett's really gullible if he bought THAT. When has Russo EVER brought the workrate up? "Just think where we would have been if things wouldn't have happened behind the scenes ten months ago, y'know, over the last ten months, just think where we would have been if it had been one steady course. *That's* what gets me disgruntled. But I try not to think about that and I try not to think about the past and move towards the future, because we ARE headed in the right direction." Translation: "As long as I'm at the top of the card, I'll forgive ANYTHING!"
Promotional consideration paid for by Catbo, America (ha! ha!) Online, Corn Nuts, Bubble Yum, Motel 13 3/4, and the WCW Nitro Trading Card game
Big Vito is WALKING! Billy Kidman (and the iWatch logo) stop him to thank him for saving his ass on Monday. Kidman tells him he's got HIS back now. Kidman asks him what the deal is with him and Reno. Vito says it's "personal family business" that has nothing to do with the Marinaras, so don't bring it up.
CARL "THE RAVE" OULETTE v. BIG VITO - Stupid Canadian fans don't know who to cheer for, because Oulette is a Quebecois, and Vito is Vito. Vito no-sells spit! Gutshot by Oulette, pounding on the back. Another forearm on the back. Off the ropes, clothesline. Stomp, stomp, AGAIN someone compares Oulette to Tajiri. Hey, wasn't this guy JUST in ECW? Off the ropes, fireman's carry, Samoan Drop. Scoop...and a slam. Second rope legdrop misses. Vito blocks a punch, karate thrust, again, chop, off the ropes, Japanese armdrag, legdrop off the ropes, 2 count. Vertical suplex. Going up top...Savage elbow. Cover...2. Into the ropes, reversal, powerslam by Oulette gets 2. Tenay: "...and that's ALL suckas need to know!" Sidewalk slam (or, if you're Stevie Ray, "side suplex") Oulette to the top - splash...for 2. Into the ropes, reversal, knee by Vito, death suplex. Vito to the second ropes, headbutt. 1, 2, kickout. Tony: "Guys, this is a GREAT matchup." Head to the gutt by Oulette - Northern Lights suplex. 1, 2, kickout. Knife edge chop - Vito comes back with a slap. Oulette chops again, Vito slaps again. Back and forth we go, woooo, woooo, woooo, Oulette with a knee. Into the ropes, reversal, Vito with a gutshot, jumpin' DDT, that's his move and that's all. (3:45) *Now* we get the run-in by RENO, who lays in the beatdown until Vito throws up an elbow - Mafia kick!! Stevie Ray: "Tony - last week, I mentioned the fact that the man's pants were falling off and this week he's got new pants, a new belt and a brain new attitude." --the HELL? Reno Rolls the Dice. Got a chair. Oh yeah, KIDMAN said he'd watch his back - dropkicking the chair into Reno. Kidman has his way for a bit, Reno fights back, Kidman hits the Kid Krusher (Tomokaze) and now CHUCK PALUMBO & SEAN O'HAIRE & MARK JINDRAK & MIKE SANDERS come in, black ninja style - so, of COURSE Kidman takes them all down. Here's a riddle: Q: Who's getting pushed? A: This is WCW - they're ALL getting pushed! The numbers FINALLY get their shit together and put the boots to Kidman (and Vito) - this sends out the FILTHY ANIMALS. Q: How many WCW superstars does it take to call it a clusterfuck? A: LANCE STORM & ELIX SKIPPER are out. I know what you're thinking - where the hell is Sean Stasiak? MIKE AWESOME comes out to singlehandedly take over. Let's go to break before somebody *else* comes out.
Close captioning (where available) made possible by MEINEKE! Yeah, that *is* George Foreman typing out all them words on the screen!
Moments Ago (aka During the Break), the Filthy Animals, Vito, Kidman and Awesome stand in the ring while everybody else stands in the aisle.
Backstage, Rick Steiner talks on his cel phone - until Bill Goldberg punks him out mit a lead pipe. "Hey Scotty - I left a message with your big brother. Oh, by the way - how's Midajah?" Is this guy a heel or a face? We're taking ANOTHER break?
That movie..."The Art of War..." that's not based on the book, is it. Oh.
As Rick Steiner is loaded into the ambulance, Stevie Ray stands over him to find out his condition...'cause "suckas gotta now."
Our remaining commentators make noise. Can our main event be saved?
KEVIN NASH comes out for our main event...interview. I guess. Nash stops to show off a "SIEGEL FEARS HALL" sign - failing to notice the "WHO BOOKED THIS CRAP" sign on the back. Oh well. "First off, I just wanna say that Scott couldn't make it tonight, we were out kinda late. I could waste my time and call Bill Goldberg out here...but he didn't want none o' this on Sunday, he sure as hell don't want none tonight." Crowd: "Goldberg...Goldberg..." "That ain't gonna happen, the thing is nothin's gonna stop me from becoming World Champion in one month. I didn't wanna cheat my fans from gettin' their eyes on the next world champion!" Well, now BOOKA T. is out - that's neat, the way he lets the fans touch the belt as he walks down the aisle. "Yo listen up, big Nash. You came out here and you told these people you gonna introduce them to the next world heavyweight champion, right? Well, I came out to introduce the people to the CURRENT world heavyweight champion. You say you want this belt and you gonna get it, but that's a MAYBE, Big Sexy. But I tell you this, at Fall Brawl, you and I are gonna give these people exactly what they wanna see. Make no mistake about it, big Nash - I respect you. You a big man - you got great ability. But like I said once before, before you take this title away from me, you gonna have to kill me right in the middle of this ring." "You know, Book, when Harlem Heat and the Outsiders was selling out buildin's around this country and around this world, I have nuttin' but respect for you. You got all the talent in the world - I ain't gonna do nothin' tonight except say I can't wait to see you in Buffalo, and good luck...Champ." "In closing, Big Nash, at Fall Brawl, this one's gonna be for the people." They each raise each other's arms...and Nash clotheslines him. Into the ropes, big boot (Nash falls over too - oy). TRUCKSTOP DROP! Nash takes the belt, stands over Booker T and brandishes the title belt. That's your closing shot - credits are up and we're out.
Well, at least they cut way back on the WALKING - guess they didn't want to look like President Clinton, right?
Oh yeah, I don't know much French, but I'm PRETTY sure that that "MANGE MA MERDE" sign, in English, would have been pixellated. Funny, but that sign makes me think of WrestleLine for some reason...