LETTERS: Mysteries revealed, thanks to James
you were interested, I was indirectly responsible for that Mange Ma
Merde sign on Thunder that you mentioned. I was giving sign suggestions to
my friend Wes from Calgary who made the trip down - among others were signs
in French like "suce ma saucisse" or "mange ma merde." It was Wes' friend
Jon who was carrying the sign.
Jason finally helps me out with the iWatch scoop: Yeah, I did the IWatch thing. It's actually pretty fun. You talk to other fans, most of which agree that there are a lot more negatives than positives in WCW and are only their for the prizes. The site is divided into 4 boxes: Chat room, trivia & "inside info", ads, and reader signs & information. The trivia can be anything from "What name did Norman Smiley wrestle under in Mexico?" to "What will be the finishing move in this match?" Answer the question correctly, get points. Person with most points at the end wins "cool" WCW apparel. Also, I learned from the "classified" information that WCW "can't say" on the air: Elix Skipper used to work at a burger joint before WCW.
And finally, Dan has a comment that might be too hot for "the Torch Today," yet seems more relevant than some ESPN sportscaster saying "if you smell what I'm cookin'" for the MILLIONTH time (and that's in the Torch Today report - much less overall): I don't know if you've heard this or not, but I thought I'd let you know anyway. Track 12 of Eminem's "Marshall Mathers LP", entitled "Ken Kaniff (skit)", is a graphic dramatization of Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope giving Eminem a blow job. Who knew Eminem could read the minds of WCW fans everywhere (insert low attendence/low ratings joke here)?
TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - I throw it all into the air, and whatever God wants, he takes
Nitro "highlights" - close captioned - now...WHY didn't Goldberg sign that release again?
To Cat's office, where Chuck Palumbo rudely interrupts his phonecall by searching through his desk. "Get outta my drawer!" Palumbo wants to be in the main event. Cat says he wants ratings, not a chump in the main event. (IT'S A SHOOT!) Palumbo says that Kevin Nash said he *is* ratings. Cat says maybe he could get Nash to join him in a tag match, then. Their opponents will be Booker T and a partner of his choosing. Palumbo says that's fine. Mrs. Jones comes in and delivers the paperwork - then answers Cat, saying that that other thing has already been covered...
Opening Credits - Buff's still in - Sting's only there in burn mask (except for a single frame shot) - they'll leave that single frame of Saturn in there FOREVER just to see how long I'll continue to mention it
PYRO bids us welcome to Tulsa, OK and the Tulsa Convention Center (and 4-H Hall) - we are ON TAPE 23.8.2K (taped 22.8) and the iWatch logo must mean it's the Superstation TBS - WEDNESDAY - WCW THUNDER!
KWEE-WEE (with Paisley) v. CPL. CAJUN (with the rest of the Misfits in Action - sans Stash) - commentators ask Paisley what she sees in Kwee-wee, and she says it's his tremendous penis. Well, she pussyfoots around it, but that's the gist of it. If EVER the situation called for Stevie Ray to say "froot booty," this would be it, but this is WCW, where they keep the brother man down. Commentators take great pains to try to explain to us how it's okay for Goldberg to jackhammer Midajah (a performer who has executed several top-rope manoeuvres in the ring) while it's downright heinous for Scott Steiner to intimate a rape of Beth (a girlfriend [or actress facsimile thereof] holed up in the hotel room), to the point where nobody feels like calling the match - me included, I suppose. Dig Stevie Ray on play-by-play. "Pee-wee is in big trouble right now - the Cajun man is coming up - he's looking for - oh - right hand over the top - blocked another one, right hand over the top - brotha, we got a donnybrook goin' here!" Outside we go, where the intervention of the MIA is avoided - for now. When Cajun makes it over to the commentary table and flashes his sideburns for Paisley, she gives him a slap. Tony: "She's standing up for her man is what she's doing." Paisley: "Thass right!" Tony: "I'm with ya girl, I know." Cajun busts out a Venis-like Blue Thunder powerbomb - for 2. Finish sees Kwee-wee drop Cajun face-first with an Argentine pancake for the fall. (5:41) Paisley suggests "Hooked on Phonice" to Stevie Ray. For an encore, we get a Gunns/Paisley tussle as the cherry on top.
Quick, hurry! Kevin Nash is WALKING! We MUST get this shot in before the break!
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report sez: Nitro. Las Cruces. Eat at Hobo Joe's.
Backstage, Gunns and Paisley have flared up again, and no amount of ointment's gonna soothe that burn! WHOOOOA WORK THAT METAPHOR BABY. As they are pulled apart *again*, the iWatch logo casts its benevolent gaze 'pon the scene. Methinks this isn't the last we've seen of THIS epic saga...
Meanwhile, Mrs. Jones hand delivers a document to Lance Storm and Elix Skipper. Tonight, Storm will defend his title in a three-way dance against Mike Awesome and General Rection. Storm: "But I'm not even that good a dancer!" (No, he didn't really say that.) Storm says he longer defends this belt on American soil, but Jones says it's happening tonight, so there. I hope she's sleeping with somebody to keep this job - that way, at least SOMEBODY gets something out of her performance!
Here come the NATURAL NEW BORN BLOOD THRILLERS, I'm AMAZED they didn't somehow find a way to fit Russo's name and/or monogram into their team name and/or T-shirt. As they make their way to the ring, our commentary team hypes tonight's main event: who's the mystery partner? Stevie Ray says he knows...but he ain't tellin'. Tenay (his voice cracking): "Suckas gots to know!" I think I just got me a new soundfile to find. Mike Sanders is the man on the mic: "Listen up, Tulsa! I'm not...I'm not even gonna deal with you tonight. You wanna be Texans? You're state's about that big. I'm dealing with the rest of the 49 states. Boys, the Natural Born Thrillers made one HELL of a debut on Nitro. And why wouldn't we? We're the genetically JAAAAAAAACKED superstars...here in WCW." Most of them remove their shirts here. "Now, last night, I asked myself, I said 'self, why? Why isn't Chuck Palumbo the World Heavyweight Champion? Robbed! Why isn't - why isn't Jindrak & O'Haire the world tag team champions?' And then I answered, and I said 'Mike,' 'cause that's what I go by back home, 'if the inevitable almost happened last night, and if it would have happened, it would have been a way of life in WCW,' so Mr. Cameraman, pull it in reeeeeeeeal tight. We're bigger, we're faster, we're stronger, and oh yeah, we're a hell of a lot better lookin' than the rest of those guys in the back. However, however, our patience is running thin, so WCW, the Natural Born Thrilers are here to stay, and we're playin' hardball, baby." Their PATIENCE is wearing thin? It's been TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! Sounds to me more like *Russo's* patience has worn thin. As usual. Here come the FILTHY ANIMALS to offer rebuttal. "Hey, yo, this goes to you and your five (boyfriends) up there. When you said 'longer and stronger and harder,' you also forgot to include dumber. And when you also said Oklahoma's about this size, there's something else in here that's about this size." Inferno: "Hey, Sanders! What is it you call you guys? The...uh...genetic jackasses?" "Hey, Disco, that was genetically JACKED." "Whatever. Hey, when you beat me Monday night, I made you a star. Well, tonight it's me and you one on one, and I'll tell you what, Sanders. There ain't no way a green bum like you can last thirty seconds with a star like me because you just don't got it like that, Sanders." As they all point and make faces, VINCE RUSSO'S GOOD FRIEND BIG VITO hits the ring with his stickball bat - White Russian legsweep on Reno! One by one, the Thrillers turn round and get punked out (except Stasiak, who goes outside - he's on IR) - this is what they call a "push." Finally the five manage to pull it together long enough to put down the one. Five-way stompdown is interrupted as the four Animals hit the ring. Stevie Ray pronounces it "on lahk neckbone." They fade to black with Vito and the Animals in the ring, but before they can play anybody's music.
Don't be fooled - "the Art of War" is NOT based on the Tzu Sun book of the same name
This portion of Thunder is brought to you by Western Union Money Transfer!
Backstage, Booker T asks Big Vito if he's a crazy cracka or what. Vito says he's just defending the WCW neighbourhood. T doesn't say "Did you say 'hood?'" but instead asks him if he'd like to tag up with him and the iWatch logo in tonight's main event. Vito lays out a menu and T says "booyah."
Meanwhile, in the Cat's office, Mike Sanders does his Joe E. Legend impersonation. Cat blows him off until Sanders reports that Inferno said that James Brown was the worst entertainer he'd ever seen in his life. Cat perks up. Sanders says how about addingn a stip to tonight's match - if he can beat Disco, he's out of WCW. Cat says DI has a "no-cut contract" and he can't go along with that. Sanders gives us a "rats" pantomime and walks off.
Meanwhile, Crowbar psyches himself up to present a bouquet of (not dead) flowers to Daffney and proclaim that, gosh, he's crazy about her. In the middle of practicing in the mirror, Daffney bounds in and gives him a big smack on the cheek. "What was that for?" "My secret admirer! We went out last night...and he is SO perfect. I have looked for a guy like him my entire life, and he - he's the one! I mean - and and he's gonna be here tonight - and you can meet him! Who're those for?" Crowbar says that great guy must have sent them. Daffney can't WAIT for him to meet him...she walks off and Crowbar makes faces. Good thing Daffney doesn't watch this program!
JUNG DRAGONS (with Let Us Take You Back to New Blood Rising) v. THE HARRIS BROTHERZ - you can compose all the email you want, I ain't gonna say nothin' bout this but it's a DAMN shame. (H bomb -> Heavy D pin Yang 2:06) Following the "Triple H bomb" (yuk yuk), KRONYKK run out and Stevie Ray pronounces it "on like Donkey Kong." They brawl out of the ring, over the barricade, and, alas, NOT out of my life. And now LEIA MEOW slinks down to the ring and berates the Dragons...then has them follow her back. Castrol Motor Oily provides a replay of an H bomb, a run-in, and some punchin'.
Storm peruses the contract - Skipper tells him to "leave it to Prime Time" and gets on his cel phone...
Meanwhile, Smooth and the iWatch logo take a gander at Smiley, forlornly stroking his hardcore title belt. How can he get the title off his hands? Smooth tells Smiley to just hand the belt over to him, but Smiley says Cat won't let him do that. Smooth says they can have a hardcore "I Quit" match - all he has to do is hit the ring and say "I quit" and it'll be smooth - hardcore smooth.
CROWBAR'S DOWN (with Daffney's Up) v. RENO - This entire match consists of Daffney screaming, followed by the crowd screaming. Crowbar's heart isn't in this match, so the story goes. Kinda like your chronicler's heart isn't in recapping tonight's show. When the most over man in the match is Daffney, it's not like I'm really missing much by ignoring all this. Anyway, it's dropped that David Flair and Stacy Keebler will get married during the 11 September Nitro in Charlotte - barring any writer firings between now and then, of course. Stevie Ray, on women: "Get them squakks off yo mind! Look, man, if the Benjamins' in my back pocket and the bank account is big, hey, women are second nature anyway, can u dig it?" Crowbar hits a Spicolli Driver - Stevie Ray: "Hook the leg for God's..." 2 count. Now A CROWBAR LOOKALIKE saunters down the aisle - Daffney sees him and leaps into his arms. Crowbar spots this and drops Reno. Commentators make a big deal about the fact that Daffney has spent six months with a guy under her nose lookin' just like the guy with her now. Aww, poor Crowbar. Reno reverses a vertical suplex attempt with the Roll of the Dice for the fall (6:53) and continues to stomp on him until that dude runs him off with a lead pipe in his hand. Reno proclaims the new guy a dead man - Stevie Ray asks if he's a wrestler, truck driver or cab driver, or what. "Suckas need to know!"
This portion of Thunder is brought to you by AT&T Wireless Service!
Backstage, Palumbo tells Nash and the iWatch logo that he's worked out some real good doubleteam spots for tonight's main event. Nash says he isn't worried about the match; he's worried about Fall Brawl. Nash asks him to take Booker out of the picture...and they'll worry about Vito when the time comes.
Meanwhile, Booker T limbers up while Vito reads the USA Today Sports section. He asks him if he's going to stretch out...Vito says he warms up by playing a little stickball before a match. Somehow, this becomes a stickball challenge. I can't possibly add anything to this.
Elsewhere, Mrs. Jones brings Lt. Loco to the Cat. He plays with Cat's 8-Ball (must have inherited it from Bischoff), then turns his attention to the Inferno/Sanders match. HE suggests a "Disco leaves WCW" stip. Cat tells Jones to shove him away.
Meanwhile, the FOURTH subsegment sees Tank Abbott fire 3 Count, telling them they've been making a career out of making him look bad. "I'm the star, and I'm keeping the record contract." Their final obligation is a match with the Dark Carnival. Abbott promises bad things if they make him look bad one last time...
In the FIFTH subsegment, Mike Tenay interviews MIDAJAH from her bedroom. Mike first asks, who the heck is she? She's been involved in Latin TV, a little acting, fitness industry, competitions, and involved in the Weider promotional machine, so look for her in "Flex" next month. The transition to sports entertainment seemed natural. She'll be out for a while following the jackhammer. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but Scotty'll be there the next time. She's been working at the Power Plant - she wants to get more involved in wrestling. Madusa, Buddy Lee Parker and Paul Orndorff have been training her. Tenay turns into a chauvinist right in front of our very eyes, asking Midajah just what the heck she's doing at 5'0" and 100 pounds joining this "men's world." Midajah says she's got a lot more to offer than just being eye candy. Tenay tells her she was just an armpiece. Midajah takes offense. Tenay says that "insulting or not, that's the reality of the matter." She says that she won't take the "Playboy" route - she's going to *earn* her money. Tenay offers that if she HAD taken that contract, she wouldn't be holed up with a neck brace. Midajah suggests he's "failed to forget" (huh?) that there was a time when she was all standing between Scott Steiner and a strangled Mike Tenay. Tenay said all she saved was Scott Steiner...from larger fines and a longer suspension. "Mike, you are being so sarcastic." "I think there's realism and then there's sarcasm...and that's where the line is blurred with you....I've heard this all before - 'I am woman, hear me roar.'" Midajah says she'd like to talk to Scotty before they continue this interview...another day. "Hmm. Good luck to you and your future in sports entertainment, honey....'cause you're gonna need it." Say...who's the heel here? Both of them?
Outside the arena, Vito and Booker T (and the TV-PG-DLV ratings box) play stickball. The iWatch logo intrudes here - and so do four of the Thrillers, who punk out T...well, until Vito and T take their sticks to them and take them all out.
Meanwhile, Smiley is WALKING! Happy that he'll soon be free of the hardcore title...but he stumbles upon the Dark Carnival - and Muta chops him right in the throat.
3 COUNT (already in the ring) and JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE v. PAINT JOBBERS. Tank cuts the music - and tosses the green circles outside the ring. After telling them to get out of the ring, Abbott asks the crowd if they're ready for a "good song." "Ain't Nothin' But a Tank Thing" fires up - it lasts under a minute. Funny moment sees referee "Blind" Mickie Jay and ring announcer David Penzer both pretend to go along with Abbott when he's looking directly at them - then make loopy faces when his back is turned once again. Schiavone proclaims that with a few weeks on the Billboard chart, that sucker's ready to go plywood! Once again, in my own mind I hear the voice of Bobby Heenan saying "get the gong." Instead, we get Stevie Ray. "Hey, wait a minute - wait a minute, Tony. How can this guy - how can anybody take this guy serious? This is the same guy that takes old ladies out for and living a gets paid for it!" Tony: "No, that's gigolo - he's a juggalo." Abbott won't even stay in the same corner as 3 Count, opting instead to stand in an adjacent corner. He never comes into the ring. Jay ends up taking the green mist - behind his back, 3 Count eventually gets demolished. Before the pin can be counted, however, Tank finally comes in and gives almost all of them that deadly right (see, they're being PUSHED) - 3 Count behind him with baseball bats now - but! They all put the bats to Tank instead. Stevie Ray compares Tank Abbott to David Ruffin - whoa, my head just spun. Mutasault - STILL no ref. Wait, there he is. 1, 2, 3. (3:09) Quick to the break to the break to the break!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), America (ha!) Online, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, and the WCW Nitro trading card game
Skipper is STILL on his phone - apparently, Awesome is "signed, sealed and delivered." The iWatch logo shines brightly. As Skipper walks off, having laid out how tonight's match will end up Storm and Awesome against Rection...we notice that he was standing right in front of the MIA dressing room - and Rection, behind that door, heard the whole thing.
Meanwhile, Vito expresses distress over the fact that their friendly stickball game was so rudely interrupted. T says they gotta pull the plug on them playa-hatas tonight. Odds of Vito turning on the champ are 50/50.
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Paisley and Kwee-wee. She gets muted on some insult of Okerlund, then tells us that females like Major Gunns makes females like HER look bad, so tonight she's going to show her what it's like to get a beatdown from a REAL woman. She dares her to come out alone. Then they pat themselves and walk away while Gene rolls his eyes...
M.I. SMOOTH v. SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY for the Hardcore title in an "I Quit" match - Smooth now comes out to a ripoff of Sade's "Smooth Operator" and I'll withhold all clever remarks about THEIR cleverness. HOO BOY *EVERYBODY* IN THAT BUILDING IS A BIG FAT OKIE - oh sorry, that shot caught me off guard. Stevie Ray says he prefers white women, anyway. (No he didn't - well, not directly, anyway) Smiley is still holding his throat from Muta's chop...and apparently can't speak the words. He lays down, and referee "Blind" Johnson thrusts the mic in his face - but Norman can't utter a sound. Smooth gingerly taps him on the head with a garbage can lid - Smiley lays down again and Johnson axes him again. "I'm sorry, buddy, I can't hear you." Smooth half-swings the kendo stick and halts in mid-air - Smiley falls anyway. "Norm?" Smiley gesticulates wildly. Smooth gets impatient and actually decks him. Smooth going to the chops - and spanks him as well. Headbutt. Smiley screams - well, as much as a mute CAN scream. Which is to say, not at all. Smooth with a double thrust - and another request to axe him. Smiley says "...." Smooth starts doing his Ice Train breathing. And to think we could have had another match between announcers during this segment. Smiley begs off, Smooth punches, stomps, chokes, requests that he axe him - scoop...and a slam. Stomp. Smiley to the nuts. Smiley pointing to his larynx, now going for the...no, no, it's not time yet. Smooth with the garbage can - to the head. "We had a deal sucka!" Whip into the corner, double axe misses, Smiley with the can to the head, again, into the ropes is reversed, clothesline by Smooth. "You axe him! Say it!" Scoop...and a slam. Smooth takes his shirt off as Smiley tries once again to say the words - and fails. "I can't understand you, Norm!" "You won't do it?" Stomp, stomp. "What? Say it! We had a deal!" Into the ropes, clothesline. Snap suplex. "You're hardcore? Yeeeeeeeeeeah!" Big splash. "Say it! Say it!" Smooth stands over him - big butt drop. Choking him now... "Say it! Say I quit! Say I quit! Say! Say I quit! I quit!" Johnson, in his infinite wisdom, calls the match then and there. (4:30) Smooth tosses Smiley over the top rope and chases him away as we take a break. Hey, ya know titles don't change hands on Thunder.
Advance Auto Parts presents "This Week in WCW Motorsports!" Blaise Alexander's crew chief and Wally Dallenbach talk about...something or other. Vampiro will make a special appearance at Bristol on Friday, where he'll job to Bill Elliot's crutch.
As the iWatch logo looks on, Elix Skipper tells his cel phone that Rection is bought and paid for, and Awesome doesn't stand a chance tonight. He walks away from Awesome's dressing room door...hmmm...could this be *subtlety* sneaking into this angle? Naah
Meanwhile, Mrs. Jones announces Gene Okerlund to the Cat. Okerlund says he'd love to see that "Disco leaves WCW" match. Cat says, once again, that he can't do it. Okerlund tells Cat he can be very persuasive - and produces "a year's supply of Viagra" - geez, maybe a bottle that small is a year's supply to YOU, old timer. Okerlund produces a wad of fake cash - Cat tells him to buy a hairpiece.
TYGRYSS joins our commentary team - TONY SCHIAVONE, MIKE TENAY & STEVIE RAY. Tony decides that it's been about a half hour, maybe NOW he'll mention Tenay's interview with Midajah. "Tony, I don't know what you're talking about - she has her place in sports entertainment. And it's pretty obvious, her place is on the arm of Big Poppa Pump - eye candy!" Tygress does her Rosie Perez bit and shows off her breasts. The Animals match isn't until the NEXT segment, though...but she can still hang with them through this next match...
PAISLEY v. MAJOR GUNNS - by an ASTOUNDING coincidence, it just HAPPENS to be the women's match. Paisley comes out to the Artist's music...since HE won't be needing it anymore, wink wink. Artist ended his WCW career on Worldwide - ain't that a bitch? Lita and Stephanie "wrestled" in the highest-rated segment on Monday. I'm guessing this one doesn't QUITE reach those heights. Ray actually busts out "yak" and ends up supporting Tenay's anti-woman commentary, which has reared its head yet again. Finish sees Tygress hop up on the apron, throw a (ha) right hand to Gunns, causing her to stumble backward into a schoolboy for the pin. (1:40) Them Nitro Grrls gotta stick together, you know. Tygress and Storm hug - and walk off arm in arm. I wonder what Cat thinks of this outside interference...
Promotional consideration paid for by Targon (and Torgo), Corn Nuts, America (ah!) Online, and Motel 6 7/8
Cat says once again that Disco isn't going anywhere...the camera zooms out to see the rest of the Filthy Animals...and the iWatch logo.
Outside the Cat's office, Jimmy Hart asks for some good news - and doesn't get any. Turns out he's at the head of a long line. This might be funny if we had ANY idea what the heck was behind it. Instead, it's another in a long line of masturbatory in-jokes that nobody appreciates but the writer. In other words, THIS IDEA WAS THE PRETZELS!!
Meanwhile, Skipper tells Storm they both bit. All he'll have to do is sit back and watch them destroy each other...then pick up the pieces. Storm says "Just like the Average White Band?" (No, he doesn't really)
"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS (with Let Us Take You Back to Last Week's Thunder) v. DISQO INFERNO (with Carlos, de Joosy One & Raymond Stereo - but he sends them back) - Of course, it'd be something if Inferno rendered this whole process moot by actually WINNING. Disco actually hits the Chartbuster, but the rest of the GREENHORNS appear, beat down the three Filthy Animals watching from the top of the ramp...and drag them off. Disco covers - 1, 2, foot on the rope. DDT by Inferno gets 2 - foot on the rope. Disco stomps away. Sanders holds the top rope off the next DDT attempt, then hits his neckbreaker/backbreaker combo for the pin. (4:05) Post-match...NOTHING happens! We go to a break, instead.
Close captioning for the hearing impaired sponsored by Meineke - except the misspellings, which are sponsored by Mynykee
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Chuck Palumbo, who doesn't get to say too much before Kevin Nash interrupts his interview to berate him and his "greenhorns" (!) for not getting the job done with Booker T.
LANCE STORM (with the iWatch logo & Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) v. GEN. RECTION v. AWESOME MULLET for the Canadian Heavyweight Championship - "If I can be serious for a minute...I may have misjudged you. Last week, I watched some of the political campaigning going on in this country - and I realised that America has some lofty and noble goals. Al Gore spoke of safety in schools, getting guns off the street, and universal health care - things we already have in Canada. That's when I realised that your goal - the true American dream, if you will - is to become Canadian. Avoid the political downfalls in your country - renounce your US citizenship now, and join Canada." Ever the free speech advocates, our commentators immediately call for Storm's mic to be cut. "We could use an eleventh province - let's take the first step together - all rise for the playing of your NEW national anthem." Tony wastes no time talking over the anthem, so righteous is he in his indignation - anthem gets about (:15) before the MIA music fades in (like it always does) and Rection comes out. Awesome hits the ring and goes right for Rection. Storm eggs them on as they shove - then they both pop HIM with a right - and high five each other. OH HELL YEAH CANADA SUX Awesome whips Storm into one corner, Rection whips him into the other. Awesome whips him into one corner, Rection whips him into the other. Clothesline sandwich. Awesome scoop...and a slam. Stomp. Rection holds the legs as Awesome goes up - frog splash! Now Awesome holds the legs for Rection's Savage elbow. Each man stomps on him. Awesome with a double underhook into a front slam. Each man stands over Storm and lays some verbal smack down. Hey, maybe they WERE watching monitors the whole time, huh? Into the ropes, up and down with a sitout powerbomb by Awesome. "Get up!" "Come on, Storm - come on!" Some more stomping. Double Irish whip into the opposite corner - Storm puts up a boot to stop Awesome's whip of Rection into him - and an elbow up to meet Awesome. Storm with a gutshot for each man. Grabbing two arms - not budging - they double whip him into the opposite corner, instead - where referee "Blind" Charles Robinson was standing. Was. He goes down in a heap. Double flapjack on Storm. Oh, look, here's ELIX SKIPPER - couldn't have seen THAT coming, huh? He's putting on his "Grey Cup" ring...in the ring, Storm eats an Awesome right as Rection holds him back. Awesome to the ropes, Storm's trick knee acts up to break the hold, then he ducks and Awesome's momentum carries him to the ropes, where Skipper is holding a low bridge. Swing and a miss for Rection - Rection grabs him and brings him in, but before he can hit the death suplex, Skipper pops him with the ring fist. Storm puts on the Canadian Maple Leaf and Robinson recovers, checking the arm - no movement. Awesome JUST kicks free of Skipper's grip about once second too late. Storm retains. (3:16 - OH HELL YEAH CANADA SUX) They really built up this three minute screwjob, didn't they? What do you suppose the Cat thinks about all this outside interference, anyway?
Our commentators hype the upcoming main event. Stevie Ray says he won't be able to stay out and watch his brother wrestle - everybody gets down on him when he gets involved and he knows he can't stay out WITHOUT getting involved. So he takes off. That main event is NEXT!
KEVIN NASH (with the iWatch logo and Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) and "THE MAIN EVENT" CHUCK PALUMBO (with Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) v. VINCE RUSSO'S GOOD FRIEND BIG VITO and BOOKA T. - JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET comes out between teams and takes third headset...just in case we were wondering where he was, or if he'd possibly feel like busting up a gee-tar tonight. Vito drops the stickball stick and dares Nash to go for it - then starts wailing on him when he tries to bend over to pick it up. He's one and they're two - AMAZINGLY, the two take over and start stomping. T runs out to even it up. T beats up Nash - who goes outside - then T beats up Palumbo - who goes outside. Nash looks ready to leave. Confab on the outside between the men with the long hair. Looks like we'll finally get down to one-on-one action here - Palumbo is coming in to meet Booker T. Hey, sing with me, kids: "One of these things is not like the other / one of these things does not belong / Tell me which of these things is not like the other / now before I finish my song." Lockup, side headlock by T, chain wrestling to a hammerlock and a side headlock on the left side. Palumbo powers out - they meet in the centre and nobody moves. Off the ropes, T drops down, flying jalapeno, arm wringer, HIGH back kick, tag to Vito, holding him for the body work. Right to the chin by Vito. Into the ropes, Japanese armdrag. Off the ropes with a legdrop. Shot for Nash as well. Shot for Palumbo, shot for Nash, shot for Palumbo, Nash says "hell with THIS" and pops him one. Then he brushes his hair back. Palumbo with a field goal kick. Into the ropes, powerslam. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, kickout. Right hand by Palumbo. Tag to Nash. Knee, knee, knee, knee. Right, brush hair back, tag. Tough night for Nash, eh? Palumbo with a right, into the ropes, clothesline. Palumbo takes a bow and hooks a leg - T breaks it up. Pound, pound. Front face. Vito brings out the spot where he picks him up, gets two steps closer to the corner, but his opponent holds onto the facelock - most recently seen by DDP. I bet just as he gets to the corner, Nash distracts referee "Blind" Mark Johnson and he misses the tag - hey, I owe myself a cookie. Vito manages an atomic drop and both men are out of it. Tony: "I wanna tell ya, to see Big Vito and to see Chuck Palumbo in our feature bout this week on Thunder says a lot about the direction of WCW..." I don't think that means what he THINKS it means. Hot tag to Booker T! Right for Palumbo, right for Nash, elbow, elbow, right for Palumbo, clothesline for Nash, elbow for Palumbo, spin kick takes him to the outside. T goes to Nash - right, right, into the ropes is reversed, duck, gutshot, off the ropes with an axe kick. Breakdancing back up - Harlem sidekick! T to the top, kicking way Plaumbo, missile dropkick on Nash! On the outside, Vito is over to fight with Palumbo. T going for the Book End, but Nash elbows him. Shoving him into the ropes, Nash with a chokeslam as he comes back. Nash setting him up for the Truckstop Drop - but Vito is in with a Mafia kick right as Booker T assumes the position! Palumbo on top - flying shouldertackle connects, taking out T...and Johnson...and Vito. Jesus, has EVERY match had a ref bump in it? Palumbo with another clothesline on T...and a cover - slowly over - 1, 2, kickout! Right, into the ropes is reversed, spinebuster by T. Nash clips him as he poses to the crowd. Nash and T outside - Vito with a top-rope splash. Cover, leg is hooked - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Jarrett leaves the table to punch away on Booker T. In the ring, Palumbo hits the Jungle Kick. Four more GREEN HORN THRILLERS are in to stomp away. Johnson finally calls for the bell (relaxed DQ Boeing 7:27) as, outside the ring, we see Nash take the edge of a STEEL chair to Booker's knee brace. Nash with a Pillmanizer on Booker's knee. The Natural Born Thrillers theme (a ripoff of the Prodigy's "Firestarter," by the way) plays as Jarrett continues to work on Booker's knee - credits are up - and we're out.