It's now been a week without 'Net access from home. I'm too tired to
complain. Pac Bell says they should have me back up by Friday 1800, which
will be just in time for me to take a three-day weekend and NOT be
online...so it goes.
So, I had this done at 8am, but I wasn't ready to drive to work to get it to YOU. I'm sorry - I love you but I'm not IN love with you.
To make up for it, here's a few letters:
I GET LETTERS: The iWatch invasion continues! John writes: At your behest, I decided to download the iWatch program from the TBS website "to enhance my Thunder" experience.
I figured it would be like those backstage blasts. I was wrong, it is nothing like that. It is really crappy. Really. There is trivia questions about the wrestlers in the ring. I learned that Al Pacino is Juvi's favorite wrestler and the Mike Sanders was named after a bunch of Astronauts. And, one of the "JindrakHaires" was in some toughman tournaments.
They play a little video of the wrestlers as they make their way to the ring. The Filthy Animals had a stupid video and there was a button that said "who are you talking to" and when you clicked on it, it changed to "Jigga What? Jigga Who?" and that whole bit. There are obligatory ads for the Superstation and "movies for guys who like movies".
The best part is the chat. There is a chat room with about eight people. They say things like "do you think triple h is the game" and "wcw blows" and "when is Goldberg coming out". About 1/3 of the people in their are utterly clueless about wrestling and are marks for WCW. Everyone else thought "wcw blows".
So, now you know. Don't waste your time with it, maybe once just to try it.
From Matthew Hocking: Just for you and ,of course, because suckas gotta know, I watched Thunder with iWatch this week.
I can't say that it was an improvement on the show, which would be difficult, but it was...interesting.
You down load a plug in, and there's a window that has a chat room and a little multiple choice game to play during the show. There are some really stupid and generic messages that appear every once and awhile that mimic signs in the crowd (Jarrett is a Slap Nut...and such).
There are also "fun" facts that come up during the course of the show, (Did you know that Sean Stasiak wrestled as "Meat" in the WWF, and got dismissed for "Unproffessional Conduct?") and the iWatch screen helpfully announces all the run-ins (Mike Awesome! Mike Awesome!).
The high point of iWatch is the mostly negative attitude the chatters have toward WCW. It makes the show more fun when you can rip on things to other people.
Just thought you'd like to know. Thanks for writing the reports when I can't bear to watch.
Next week, if anybody tries this, throw out a "CRZ sent me" to the chat room and see if anybody else joined you. It sounds like, at this rate, people I goad into being there are the only folks trying this out! (And THAT means that SOMEBODY owes me a CHEQUE, har har)
"The following program is a TBS Superstation Original Series!" And they seem PROUD of that, too!
TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - chicken wire and duct tape
Nitro "highlight" package - closed captioned logo
Opening Credits - look for Lenny's "USE ME" sign
From the Unnamed Arena in Tucson, AZ 30.8.2K, this is THUNDER! WCW can't afford pyro anymore, so let's go straight to
LANCE STORM (with "Prime Time" Elix Skipper & Major Gunns & the iWatch logo & Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) v. KRONYKK - Gunns is wearing a Canadian Maple leaf and carries the flag - the implication being that both of those actions are occurring as a result of force. Skipper: "This is my house! I built this house! So hit me off with some o' that green and watch me do my thing! In fact, just show me the Canadian money! All you Americans keep it down while I introduce to you your Canadian champion, Lance Storm! Lance, hit 'em off with a li'l sumtin sumtin." "If I can be serious for a minute, we need to face facts. Fact: each and every one of you WISHES you were Canadian. Fact: it's just a better way of life. Fact: in time, you will all learn the error of your American ways - just like Major Gunns has. Since getting a taste of the good life Monday night, she couldn't be happier about being a part of Team Canada. All rise and join her in the playing of her NEW national anthem!" During the anthem, Gunns drops her flag and rips off her shirt to reveal that she's really greased up...I mean, a stars and stripes bikini top. Storm and Skipper quickly pick up the flag and drape it over her boobs - 'cause we all know that the LAST thing a Canadian wants to see is a woman's breasts. Anthem continues until rudely interrupted by some guy saying "chronic." (:34) Here come the B-boyz. Pier Four brawl erupts and referee "Blind" Mickie Jay is having a spot of trouble keeping order. Clark tosses Storm out of the ring while, on the inside, Adams presses Skipper - then throws him to the floor and onto Storm. Crowd chants "USA" - Gunns seems happy to help. After a regrouping, Skipper meets Clark in the ring. Lockup - no, double throat by Clark. Thrown to the corner, kick, kick, kick, chop, chop, choke, big information after the commercial break, big beal. Skipper bridges out of the way of the big right hand, and throws one of his own. Right, dropkick, into the ropes, reversed, Skipper tries a body scissors, but Clark blocks the bulldog attempt and manhandles him down with one arm. Tag to Adams. Into the ropes, shoulderblock/clothesline combo. Adams with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Off the ropes, duck, duck, Skipper makes a tag as he springs backwards off the second rope...into a full nelson. Storm with a springboard clothesline as Adams is forced to drop Skipper. Double Canadian DDT. Storm hooks the leg - 2. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, suplex, 1, 2, no. Tony has spent SO much more time hyping a big announcement coming up than EVER talking about this match. Now, to switch up, he's talking about Nitro. Again. Tag to Skipper. Into the ropes, Adams runs through the double clothesline and puts them down with one of his own. Tag to Clark! Clothesline for Skipper, one for Storm, gutshot for Skipper, Meltdown for Skipper. 1, 2, Storm saves it. All four men in now - Adams tosses Storm. Skipper set up for High Time, but Storm comes back in with a springboard dropkick to the back of Clark's head. Ducking a swing from Adams, Storm manages a jawbreaker. Storm trying to get the flagpole from Gunns, but she won't let him - in fact, she pokes him in the gut with it, instead - Storm backs up into a full nelson slam from Adams. High Time on *Storm* - did you hear them count to three to set it up? - Clark covers to get the pin. (4:24) No, NEITHER man was legal, thanks for asking. Gunns yuks it up while checking on her men. Skipper takes umbrage - but before we can have some Canadian violence to women, GENERAL RECTION hits the ring and destroys him. Before he can moonsault onto him, however, Storm recovers and HE hits him from behind. This continues until LT. LOCO & CPL. CAJUN & SGT. AWOL hit the ring. Hit that Edwin K. Starr ripoff! Somehow, Storm & Skipper manage to slip by all of them and lead away Gunns.
Backstage, a black limousine arrives! Before the driver can open the door, the Thrillers appear and back him off. THEY open the door...and out comes Jarrett, Steiner and Nash. "Boys, let's go have us some fun. And that's...shoot!" Nash makes the gun motion with his hand in case we didn't hear him say "shoot." Guess what I'd like to have done to Nash?
Shoot, after the ad break, we get some exciting shots from the WCW Thunder Tailgate Party. Tony says it was taped earlier today in Tucson, but I can't remember which title belt that means Vito would have had around his waist in that one shot there. This special look was brought to you by Finish Line - they've got your shoe.
The big announcement is that Monday, the War Games match returns! Inside the triple cage, it's Russo'z Revenge - and at the top of the top cage...the WCW World Heavyweight title belt. I smell a shocking swerve ending! Here come THE NWO - NO, IT'S NOT THE NWO, IT'S ... IT'S ... WELL, THOSE GUYS THERE (with iWatch logo), out to the ring to have a few words with you 'n' me. Let Us Take You Back to Nitro and show you how Nash (ahem) won the WCW Championship from Booker T. Let's notice that they were pretty quick to find a KEVIN NASH nameplate for the title belt. Steiner's up first: "Goldberg, my personality wants to call you every name in the book, but the corporate sponsors want to have a clean show, so I'm gonna call you a lowdown SOB because Monday night, you went into my dressing room, grabbed my pipe, and hit me straight between the eyes." Steiner removes his glasses to show off his injuries. "Goldberg, I went to the neurosurgeon, got a CAT scan, I went to the orthodontist for a chipped tooth, and I went to the opthalmologist for a detached retina, and they all told me the same sing:" Sign in crowd: "SHUT UP SCOTT STEINER" Stevie Ray: "Same sing?" "'You can't wrestle at Fall Brawl.' Well I told them to take their PhD, their MD's, their OB/GYN and shove 'em (right up their ass) 'cause Goldberg, you're not gettin' off that easy! So Goldberg, you're gonna be a lucky man if you make it to Fall Brawl, but come Fall Brawl, I'm gonna prove to you, and I'm gonna prove to the world that you're no match for a genetic freak, and the man with the largest arms in the world is gonna put you down, beat you up, and beat the hell out of you, you bald-headed...all you white trash, kiss my ass." "Nicely said, Scott. Ya know, on Monday night I became the world champion for the fifth time. As the match was going on, I couldn't understand why Double J called it down the middle. But when I watched the tape back, I realised he didn't wanna tarnish my victory. I've beaten five men in World championship bouts - I have NEVER dominated an opponent like I did Booker T. And over the last forty-eight hours, I've done a lot of soul searching - I realised I didn't win this belt for myself - I won it for you people!" We see DAFFNEY & WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLING ASHLEY HUDSON have front row seats - and popcorn! "See, some of you I can suck right back in, can't I? Ha ha ha ha! Thing is, I got autograph sessions next weekend - know how many kids will pay thirty bucks to have their Polaroid taken with this? Hahahahahaha... Matter of fact, after this show tonight, I'll be at the Marriot, fifty dollars you and your kids can have a picture taken with the champ and his belt! You can chant for Goldberg all you want - he's out in the desert somewhere. Now, behind me (and I guess on the side of me - easy) stands the future of the business - the Natural Born Thrillaz. And since the band's back together, and we're runnin' the shizzow, tonight we're gonna determine whether these - whether or not these young gentlemen deserve to be in the show. So lemme see if I got this right. We got Goldberg in the desert, we got the Cat in the hospital, we've got poor ex-champion Booker T. COMPLETELY demoralised, who's gonna stop us?"
We look backstage, where Booker T. watches on a monitor, hurls a chair, and walks out of the shot.
"No one can stop us tonight - it's our sh--" and Harlem Heat's music fires up. Here comes BOOKA T...or is he? Everybody in the ring looks at the entrance...which usually signifies that he's gonna jump 'em from behind having come in through the crowd - whoops, no there he is. Hey, swerved me! "You know I'm sittin' in the back, and I'm sick to my stomach listenin' to you Nash, spit out all that crap. You're talking about this, talking about that, you're talkin' about your newfound friendship - you go here together, you go there together, I got one question for you, Nash: Do you also go to the restroom together? Well, I'll tell you what. You ain't the only one who got a clique round WCW who can get the job done. BIG VITO! MIKE AWESOME! FILTHY ANIMALS! I'ma tell you this, Nash. You can run, you can hide, but at Fall Brawl, your tall stringbean ass is all mine. And furthermore, before you take this company over, you gonna have to go over our dead bodies." They rush the ring - stopping along the way to go through the Thrillers - SECURITY attempts to separate all these folks apart, which signals the next ad break
Fall Brawl spot
This portion of Thunder is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!
During the Break, Nash relieved Terry Taylor of his headset and ripped up the format. He called over Reno - "Do us proud! Do the right thing! It's on you, it starts here!"
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Gen. Rection (and the iWatch logo), who challenges Lance Storm to a title match at Fall Brawl. And jingo was his name-o
You are cordially invited to miss the marriage of Ms. Hancock & David Flair 11 September. Tenay all but guarantees that all sorts of Flair family members might show up. Hoo boy.
RENO v. CAREER KILLER FAT CHICK THRILLER AWESOME MULLET, THE 70'S ICON - Awesome comes out in normal gear, so who knows if the leisure suit thing already died on the vine or not. (Of course, he came out in normal gear on Nitro - the 70's stuff was just the backstage promo). Reno first with the right, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversal, duck, Reno goes behind with the waistlock, Awesome with four back elbows, standing switch, German release suplex. Right by Awesome, right, right, standing legdrop, cover...2. Right, right, off the ropes, but Reno dumps him onto the apron. Semi-Stunner by Reno has little effect. Right, right, Reno off the ropes, but Awesome springs in with a shoulderblock - cover, leg hooked...2. Awesome scoops him up...and there's a slam. Into the corner, but Reno sidesteps the followup charge. Right to the back of the head, right, right, turning him around, scoop - exploder (sorta). WHOOSH 18 DAYS AWAY WHOOOSH. Reno punches him in the back of the head again, right, right... again going to the head...covering for him here? Stomp, stomp, stomp, Awesome slowly getting up and you can hear him calling spots (or something) - right, right, right, going outside and having some words with Daffney's boyfriend - it's finally released that his name is Ozzie. Cubs Fan asked me to make a New South reference for the Worldwide fans, but I must have missed that week. Awesome, meanwhile, is out to meet Reno with a few clubbing blows to the back - Reno avoids a shove into the post and puts Awesome there instead. Right, into the ring, Reno to the top rope. Stevie Ray says that the suckas gotta know: how did Daffney and Ozzie get front row seats? Awesome catches the top-rope dropkick attempt and puts down Reno with a sitout powerbomb. Awesome says it's over - cue the run-in? RUNNING AWESOMEBOMB! 1, 2, 3! (3:24) "I'm the best!" says Awesome. Stevie Ray won't let up. "How'd they get those seats, Tony?" Post-match, Reno drags Ozzie over the rail and gets to stomping. Daffney throws popcorn at him but this fails to quell his attack. Finally, Hudson takes off. It's ad break time!
If they had somehow tried to protect *Reno*, I would have made a LOTTA noise, believe you me. Instead, they put Awesome over cleanly - hmm, second clean finish of the night. Did somebody LEARN something? No - it's a different team writing Thunder, that's all. I'll be back to bitchin' and whinin' on Monday.
During the Break, Awesome walked by Terry Taylor back in his seat - d'oh - and just after he exited the tunnel, Jarrett ran him down with a wheelbarreh full o' plundah, broke a chair on him, garbage can, wheelbarrow - Jimmy Hart and Fit Finlay (Fit Finlay is a road agent?) attempted to break it up and pull Awesome to safety. Nash and Steiner chased off Hart and Finlay...guess it gets boring from here, because we leave the shot...
The iWatch logo greets the crowd as Tony sets up
Tony Schiavone sits in the ring with PAUL ORNDORFF and they chat about the Power Plant. Much to my chagrin, nobody says "Harvard of professional wrestling." Gist is that Orndorff is really proud of his "kids." Talk turns to Orndorff making the Power Plant attendees clean restrooms, and Schiavone brings up the fact that the Natural Born Thrillers have no respect for Orndorff. Specifically, Sanders - who Orndorff says "was a nobody before I got a hold of him" - has referred to Orndorff as a "miserable old man." "I'm the one that showed 'em how to clean the toilet!" That's the trouble with this world today - everybody's ungrateful. Orndorff says "psychology" as if they know what it is now. Schiavone's a big ol' stooge, isn't he? I could put a coaster on Orndorff's hairdo. Orndorff throws a major tantrum - Schiavone apologises over and over - and yet, he keeps saying "I thought you should know." Damn, is Just Tony gonna team up with Chauvinist Mike? And what's more - how come Orndorff didn't tell us about that Big Jakes guy he searched the world (and a trade show) for?
Buff Bagwell, though he may not be on the booking sheets, still carries the power of the card
This portion of Thunder is brought to you by AT&T Wireless!
Moments Ago - more specifically, while the Orndorff interview was played
on the Thundertron, the members of the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ
paraded around with funny signs -
Backstage, Scott Steiner and the iWatch logo take Reno to task for losing - and give him a pipe for his troubles.
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Booker T. He's got a match with Mike Sanders tonight - he knows that Nash knows Sanders can't beat him, but it's always possible that T might injure himself and then Nash can avoid the return bout. T promises to beat the living crap out of Sanders, and then go after Nash, not hating the player, but hating the game.
Next issue of Muscular Development features Goldberg.
MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE v. RAYMOND STEREO & DE JUICY ONE (with Konnan, Disco Inferno and Tygryss) - Team No Name has an announcement to be read by ring announcer DAVID PENZER: "Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, I've just been informed by Mark and Sean of the Natural Born Thrillers that the following match, signed by the booking team of Nash, Steiner and Jarrett, will be against the Filthy Animals for the WCW World tag team championship." Just my opinion, but the Animals' current theme is the best Konnan rap jam since his original Dungeon of Doom barrio rap. Goldberg had some dizzy spells from his shovel sure shot, but he's got a week to regroup, because he's involved in that War Games match Monday - Jeff Jarrett, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner & Vince Russo (Vince Russo!) taking on the Cat, Sting, Booker T and Goldberg. Konnan runs through "feel/that's enough," some Spanish, and there must have been an edit because all of a sudden he's done. But now O'Haire has the mic. "There's some parents in the crowd that's lost their children, and I want you to know that we got 'em right here." They point and laugh. "Hey, now all kidding aside, we're gonna make this a little fair, ok? Bring the Disco Nose up here to join you guys. You lollipop gang, let's get it on, okay? Did I stutter?" Stevie Ray: "Sucks gotta nose, too!" Konnan takes fourth headset. "You know, they're talking the lollipop gang? The only suckers I see is them!" Stevie Ray: "You got it right and I feel you." Jindrak and Disco lock it up - Jindrak takes him to the ropes - knee - left, knee, into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl slam. Jindrak to the top - springboard clothesline. Into the ropes is reversed, atomic drop by Disco, right, off the ropes with a bulldog. Tag to Guerrera - into the ropes, Disco drop toehold, Juvi with an elbow off the ropes, tag to Mysterio, springboard guillotine to the back of the head. During the pose, WHOOSH 18 WHOOSH. Jindrak tries a right, Mysterio ducks, right, left, right, left, right, right, right, Jindrak falls in the corner, Mysterio with a broncobuster. "Wassup!" Into the ropes, reversed, Mysterio with a gutshot, springs off the second rope, caught, and Jindrak swings him around into a sidewalk slam. Tag to O'Haire. Into the ropes, O'Haire leapfrog and Jindrak doesn't - he is like wall as Mysterio runs into him, then backs up into an O'Haire clothesline. 1, 2, shoulder up off the arrogant cover. Shoved sternum first into the corner, then O'Haire picks him up across his shoulders...Argentine neckbreaker. 1, 2, Disco breaks it up. Konnan proclaims Jindak & O'Haire "lookin' like outta work strippers." Picking up Mysterio, whip into the ropes, Mysterio holds onto the ropes and O'Haires dropkick finds nothing but air. Tag to Guerrera - springboard twisting body attack. Springboard dropkick. Off the ropes, bodyscissors, bulldog. Stomp, stomp, to the second rope for the Ten Punch Count Along - Juvi stops at eight to do the Juvi Shake, so O'Haire runs out with a Ligerbomb. Drag to his corner, tag to Jindrak. Into the ropes, Jindrak catapults him into an O'Haire powerslam. Shot for Disco and Mysterio. Dragged out of the ring, they each put an arm under an armpit and launch Guerrera over the top rope back into the ring. That spot LOOKS impressive, but probably wouldn't hurt as much as, say, doing it from INSIDE the ring out. Just sayin'. O'Haire (not the legal man) whips Guerrera into the corner, shoulder into the gut, whip into the opposite corner, but Juvi sidesteps the charge. Jindrak misses a clothesline and HE goes over the top rope to the floor as Disco lowers the bridge. Tag to Mysterio - springboard into a Thesz press (only, with the butt) - Guerrera with a pescado onto Jindrak on the floor. Disco tagged in - Mysterio with a gutshot, Disco with an armwringer, and a leg trip as Mysterio comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Disco covers - 1, 2, kickout. Into the ropes, duck, spin kick by O'Haire. O'Haire shoves Mysterio off the apron to the floor, then returns to Disco - up to the top turnbuckle...but Guerrera is there to pull a foot away and crotch him on the top rope. Guerrera climbs up top - on his shoulders - 180 into the huracanrana. Disco and Guerrera each grab a leg while Mysterio climbs up top - legdrop to the nuts coming up - and that's been the finisher of late...1, 2, 3. (5:35) No, neither man was legal - thanks for asking. Wendy's Mozzarella Chicken Supreme sponsors the replay of the huracanrana, totally illegal legdrop and pin.
Backstage, Nash asks Sanders to take out Booker tonight. "Oh and two...I expect more outta you. It's simple around here. I can be one hell of an ally...screw this up, and see what kind of a (prick) I am." Jarrett comes in, saying that they need to lead by example - check out the match he's booked himself in. "You don't wanna do this - this could end your career!" Jarrett says oh yeah. I smell a swerve...but they've been doing so *well* tonight! Why am I so cynical? Even worse...why do I keep talking about MEEEEEEE
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), America (ha!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, and Corn Nuts
Tony cracks a Winky the Crow joke - then cuts it to another Thunder Tailgate Party - hosted by Valvoline Max Life motor oil
Backstage, Jindrak & O'Haire tell Sanders he needs to pull one out for the Thrillers tonight...then, after he takes off, Steiner punks 'em BOTH out with one pipe shot. I'd make a joke about these guys getting pushed, but frankly, this is what they SHOULD be doing with these guys, so I got no real complaints.
"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS v. BOOKA T. - "Hey listen up, I wanna make a couple points here. First of all....you know what, I'm not gonna talk over you people - Booker T., if you think you can win it, why don't you come on down here and get in it?" Stevie Ray: "Okay, did...did Kevin Nash just write that for him also?" Sanders draws first blood, pounding away in the corner with punches in bunches. Whip into the opposite corner, back elbow up by T. Big clothesline. Right by T, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, and one more right. Rocky! Rocky! Rocky! Into the ropes is reversed, T holds on, knee to the gut, off the ropes with the axe kick. As T breakdances up, let me note the Nitro graphic. "THIS MONDAY: RUSSO'S REVENGE, WARGAMES, TRIPLE CAGE MATCH" Even when Russo isn't ON the show, it's all about Russo, isn't it? Geez Louise. Harlem sidekick! Book End. 1, 2, 3. You gotta love the SQUASH. (1:06)
When we come back, we take a look at Booker T - he's WALKING! Or is he...limping?
Meanwhile, in the dressing room, Nash says it looks like he hurt him, and that's good...but he lost the match, and that's bad... Steiner comes in and pipes him in the back. Gosh but these guys are slow learners
Meanwhile, Jarrett has his blood pressure taken - he needs to be sure he's at 100% for this upcoming "could be a career match" - let me guess, he's taking on a midget. Or a woman. Or a woman midget.
Graphic sez: At Fall Brawl, it's Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner
BIG VITO (with iWatch logo and Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) v. "THE EVENT" CHUCK PALUMBO (with "Perfectshawn" Stasiak) - a couple people have emailed me asking me to let WCW have it for putting an Iranian flag on Vito's jacket instead of an Italian one. Technically, the Iranian flag is a little more detailed that just that tricolour, though, so REALLY it's more of an upside-down Hungarian flag. "Hey Chuck Palumbo! I'm gonna clean up and you get your ass out here, 'cause I'm gonna kick it Staten Island style, punk!" If we're REALLY lucky, Stasiak will take fourth headset....Palumbo with a big KO blow to start. Another right. Into the ropes, sidewalk slam. 1, 2, no. Into the ropes is reversed, Japanese armdrag, off the ropes with a legdrop. 1, 2, nope. Vito with a suplex. Vito up to the top - Savage elbow gets....2. Vito to the top again....splash misses. I WILL say he has a proper Italian flag on the boots, though. Palumbo with the Jungle kick. Leg is hooked, 1, 2, nope. Stasiak says although he is unable to wrestle, he can still lay out an open challenge...to an arm wrestling match. Tiger suplex by Palumbo. Leg is hooked...2. Palumbo to the top - super shoulderblock gets 2. Right, right, knee, right, into the ropes, gutshot, clubbing forearm to the back, suplex...but Vito gets free. Waistlock, Palumbo with a back elbow, elbow, elbow, right, into the ropes, Palumbo goes for the backdrop, Vito stops halfway, back to his feet, jumping DDT, g'night. (2:21) Oh, sorry, "Vito Special." Quick, to the ad break!
Advance Auto Parts presents This Week in WCW Motorsports! Wally Dallenbach raced at Bristol and was allegedly second at one point...but ended up racing to an exciting Top 33 finish. Next week, Blaise Alexander tries the same track.
Backstage, Palumbo is looking for a place to hide - and manages to find a table...RIGHT behind Steiner. "I'll give you credit, Palumbo - you're the only smart one to try and hide!"
Jeff Jarrett (and the iWatch logo) is engaged in thoughtful reflection aside a bathroom sink adorned with candles and a silver gee-tar
GEN. RECTION & SGT. AWOL (with Lt. Loco & Cpl. Cajun & not with their 2x4 but with their American flag) v. HARRYS BROTHYRZ - Forecast aclls for crap - Pier Four brawl to start - Big Ron tosses Rection while Heavy D whips AWOL - reversal, spinebuster. Ron with a big boot. Clubbing blow, right, into the ropes, gutshot, Don with a swinging neckbreaker. Tag to Ron - into the ropes, sitout powerbomb. Another Nitro graphic. Maybe they should just put SEE RUSSO WIN THE WCW CHAMPIONSHIP in big, bold letters instead, hmm? Right, right, right, tag to Heavy D. Rection leads a USA chant as they put AWOL in the corner. AWOL springs out with a clothesline for each man. Tag to Rection, clothesline for you, clothesline for you. Scoop slam for Ron, one for Don as ELIX SKIPPER & MAJOR GUNNS appear. Rection is distracted long enough for the Harrisses to take control, whipping him into the ropes - and a blind tag - but the Harris Brothers go ahead and shove AWOL off the apron to the floor - oh, and through a table (well, NATURALLY). Rection with a powerslam on Big Ron - 1, 2, Heavy D makes the save. Big Ron with a fistdrop, another fistdrop, Heavy D stomps, into the ropes, H bomb attempt is countered with...I guess it was a double DDT. EVERYBODY'S out. Rection up first - putting Big Ron in position for the moonsault...but LANCE STORM is out now, whacking Rection with a flag and sending him crashing (pun!) back into the ring. Ron covers - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Storm expresses disbelief. Heavy D decides he'd prefer to just toss referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker through the ropes to the floor instead. Double stompdown on Rection. Here comes KRONYKK through the crowd. Punches away! High Time on Big Ron. Rection staggers to his feet as Kronic work over Heavy D on the outside. No Laughing Matter hits JUST as Tucker comes to - 1, 2, 3. (4:00) Post-match, Storm hits the ring and dropkicks Rection in the calve - then puts him in the Maple leaf for about one second before AWOL *finally* comes to and hits the ring. Quick, take an ad break!
I wonder what Cat would have thought of all that outside interference?
Promotional consideration paid for by the Nitro trading card game, Targon (and Torgo), Bubble Yum, and America (ee!) Online
Backstage, Leia Meow shows off her new catsuit (and old breasts) and tells the Jung Dragons that they need some direction, guidance...and discipline. If they lose, they'll have to lick her boot...but if they WIN, she'll lick theirs. "Now, let the training begin..." She shoves the camera out of the dressing room and the door closes to reveal a "Dragons in Training" sign.
Meanwhile, Steiner and Nash knock on Jarrett's door - he's still praying. "I've gotta do this. "You don't have to do this!" "I have to do this." Nash says he'll go pray at Jarrett's altar...man I smell some HIGH FALUTIN' ENTERTAINMENT IMMINENT
Remember that Goldberg issue of Muscular Development? Well, there's ALSO an article in there about Midajah O'Hearn. Tony asks Tenay for comment. "Well, that's more like it - Midajah's a fitness model! And it's great to see that she has a layout, she's a beautiful, intelligent woman, and that's exactly where she belongs." Stevie Ray: "I agree with Mike."
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with the iWatch logo) v. ? - remember, this could very well be Jarrett's *career match.* "To all my little slapnuts out there...this match is for each and every one o' ya. Mike Awesome's a little under the weather for Fall Brawl, so I needed a tuneup match tonight, I needed a challenge *tonight.* So the Chosen One is about to lose his nerve, so let's get him out here, and let's get it on. Jarrett strikes a big grin as KWEE-WEE (and Paisley) appear. We get a nice shot of Wendy the Floor Director acting as sign policeman as Jarrett yuks it up to the commentary team. Jarrett jumps him from behind and it's on. Right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Jarrett removes his pants (huh?), stomp, into the ropes, back elbow, into the ropes, knee to the gut, Paisley joins the commentary team. Whoopee! Head to the buckle. Into the opposite corner, Kwee-wee up and over, right, right, right, Stevie Ray: "Look at Peewee go!" Paisley: "Do NOT bring your personal life into this, Stevie Ray." Into the ropes, Jarrett ducks a clothesline, gutshot, uppercut. WHOOSH - into the ropes is reversed, Kwee-wee drops down, leapfrog, hiptoss. Back elbow off the ropes, WHOOSH. Kwee-wee to the top - dropkick finds an empty pool. Jarrett points to his brain. "That's it!" Going for the Stroke - but he drops him when he sees THE CAREER KILLER FAT CHICK THRILLER AWESOME MULLET - THE 70'S ICON start to make his way down the ramp. I'm guessing he'll be distracted *just* long enough to - sure enough, Kwee-wee rolls him up with a schoolboy...for 2. Jarrett with a clothesline, and a demand to referee "Blind" Charles Robinson to "get him out!" Robinson leaves the ring and attempts to hold back Awesome all by himself. Kwee-wee manages ANOTHER surprise rollup...for 2. Jarrett with a gutshot and enzuigiri. Jarrett goes outside and grabs a chair. Robinson is STILL managing to hold back Awesome, however. Silverman and Tucker appear and take care of Awesome - back to the ring, where Jarrett manages a delayed sunset flip - Kwee-wee pops out and flips over for a 2 of his own. Right, right, into the ropes, duck, dropkick by Kwee-wee. Gutshot, gutwrench...hmm, ended up flipping him instead of slamming him - Jarrett sold it anyway, wotta trooper. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, nope. Stomp, stomp, Jarrett drops out of the suplex attempt, Kwee-wee ALSO flips out of a suplex attempt, Jarrett ducks a clothesline - caught him in the Stroke. 1, 2, 3. (4:00) Jarrett grabs the stick: "Listen up slapnuts! The Chosen One just had...the match of the year. Now choke on that...alllllll you slapnuts!" Jarrett ain't no Triple H.
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report reminds us that the Reunion Arena in Dallas will be the home of Nitro...on Monday
Close captioning for the hearing impaired sponsored by Meineke!
SHAWN "PERFECTSHAWN" STASIAK hits the ring for his open arm wrestling challenge. He's wearing boxers because Meat is a trademark of the other company. Stasiak reminds us of his knee injury and his open challenge. He actually said "perfect" during the course of this promo. Also, "sexy," "shredded" and "throbbing." MAN his right hand is shaking here. "I fear AB...solutely no one!" Out comes...MR. #1DERFUL PAUL ORNDORFF. Unfortunately, he does NOT come out to "Wonderful," nor is he accompanied by Garry Spivey. "You think I'm an old man? Huh? Come on!" If Stasiak is smart, he'll go for the right arm. Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman motions to the table. I think he probably said "now listen, I don't want this table knocked over until Orndorff is INCHES away from winning!" OVER THE TOP, SEAN, OVER THE TOP! Hey, look, the Thunder semi-main event is an injured guy and a 52 year-old guy. The show freezes for about five seconds here. Orndorff puts up his left bicep - Stasiak says no no, I want THAT arm. Hey, Stasiak IS smart. Orndorff foolishly offers the right arm. Stasiak smiles and puts his down. It's Orndorff...it's Stasiak...it's Orndorff...they NEVER take this long...it's Orndorff...it's Orndorff...it's Orndorff hauling off and popping Stasiak with a left. Hey, that's cheating! Orndorff tips the table. Stasiak backs into the corner and begs off. He tries a clothesline, but Orndorff ducks it - gutshot - THE PILEDRIVER! Orndorff goes outside for a chair, but Stasiak manages to roll to the outside, so it's left to "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS to come out and get brained with the chair. Here's one for RENO. SEAN O'HAIRE tries a spin kick, but Orndorff ducks it, hits him with the edge of the chair, and then with the chair. MARK JINDRAK takes the chair. CHUCK PALUMBO is left - yup. Another one for Reno. And another one for Palumbo. Well now THIS is NOT what you do with six up-and-comers...job them to a 52 year-old one-armed man like so many black ninjas. Let's call that (DQ 0:32) and hope that we never see Orndorff again - but know, deep down, that we will...
Backstage, another black limousine arrives - out of it are Mrs. Jones & the Cat - and they're WALKING!
Fall Brawl spot
One more Thunder Tailgate Party ad - this one brought to you by Yamaha - look closely and you might spot Mrs. Jones in her previous Nitro Grrl role - which one was she again? Chymylyyn?
One more announcement that Russo's Revenge Wargames Triple Cage match will take place Monday on Nitro
CAT & MRS. JONES (they got a thing goin' on) hit the ring for our main event...interview. Tony said we've never seen the triple cage on television, other than pay-per-view. I coulda SWORN we'd seen it on Nitro...well, maybe I'm just confusing it with that House of Pain or something. I'm too lazy to go back and check. Anyway, to the Cat. "Okay, I'ma tell you Big Nash, Steiner, Jeff Jarrett - you guys thought you could put me down and I would stay down - hell no! You gonna have to kill me to take over this show (iWatch logo) - you and Vince Russo! You know, you guys come out here and think you can do whatever you want to, talk to the fans any kind of way, treat people, make people think that you're in their corner just to turn your back on them, I'm gon' start witchyo ass tonight, so I want you to get your ass out here so I can talk to you face to face...Nash! Right now, Nash. I'm yo' boss, so boss yo' ass out here now! Come on, Nash, the fans wanna see you, I know you're in the back, I have my stooges - they're calling me and telling me what you're tryin' to do! You trying to take over this show tonight, but the Greatest is here! I'm the commissioner - now get out here and face me!" KEVIN NASH is out, along with WHITE THUNDER & JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET. Tony: "I haven't been this excited about a Monday Nitro in a long, long time, and fans, this is the one you've GOTTA see Monday night." Geez, they're taking their sweet time with this, aren't they? Cat asks them to cut the music. "...Now, Nash, I'm gon' tell you something. You know you running around here think that you running the show, but you're not the commissioner - you work for Vince Russo, and Vince Russo work for the Cat! And I see that you got your two stooges right there with you, right? So I'll tell you what, I'm gon' start right here tonight and I'ma go to work right now. We got one segment left, and I'm gon' book that segment right now. The match I'm gon' book tonight, I'ma book you Big Ass Nash, if you can lift your ass down here, against the Cat, right here tonight. Hey Steiner, you already got yo' ass beat up, so ain't no need o' you talkin' to him. You can put that - you can put that pole down, 'cause I might use it on you. Now - Hey Slappy! Jeff Jarrett! You always talkin' 'bout Slapnuts, now bring it!" Jarrett makes his way to the ring - duck, double thrust. A bell rings in here...handicap match? Steiner eats a kick and a breakdancing uppercut. Nash is in...Cat with a thrust kick back onto Jarrett, but Nash is there to take advantage with a clothesline. Steiner with the pipe. Steiner must be hitting Jones with the pipe here, because we're going to a variety of stock crowd shots instead of showing action. A quick edit later, and thre three are beating down Cat. Jones is up - shoving away Jarrett, getting in Nash's face - Jarrett breaks a gee-tar over Jones - and we actually see that. Steiner is attempting to crush Cat's larynx with his knee. BOOKA T. is out to make the save...and he's got a baseball bat with him. He gets some good shots in on all three (especially Nash) but the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ are out and on Booker. Everybody stomps. Nash gives Booker an uppernut as well - then breaks into a tai chi routine...I guess. Crowd works up a meek "Goldberg" chant...which dies out. Steiner puts Cat in the Recliner while Nash gives Booker another uppernut. Credits are up - see ya. BE COOL, STEVIE!