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/13 September 2000

WCW Thunder




I GET LETTERS: Old business from last week first! Heather Musick writesDear CRZ,

I am an avid wrestling fan and read your reports as regularly as possible. I wanted to drop you a line about last night's Thunder. In the segment where Goldberg was looking for Bret Hart and encountered the "security guards" - I know them! They are all students of Shawn Michaels Wrestling Academy and Texas Wrestling Alliance stars. The redhead that told Goldberg he couldn't go into the room was Jeromy Sage, formerly of The Board of Education. The blonde with his hair slicked back was Michael Shane (Shawn Michaels' real-life cousin). The redhead with the ponytail was Chris Krueger (who tags with Michael Shane as More Than a Handful), the good-looking Hispanic guy was Ruben Cruz (formerly of The Board of Education), the big blonde guy with the goatee was Oz (who tags with Eddie Atlas as Damage, Inc.) and the guy with the baggy pants in the background was Lava.

It's probably a little more information than you needed to know, but I was so proud to see my buddies on TV and I wanted to let you know who they are. They'll be going places, like Shooter Schultz, Lance Cade, Spanky and The American Dragon (who are now wrestling for The King in MCW)!

I caught them on the late showing of Thunder and was nowhere near my VCR. Any ideas on how to get a tape of the show?

If anybody still has last week's show on tape, drop me a line and I'll put you in touch with Heather.

The Badger wonders: When Hacksaw Jim Duggan passed the torch to General Rection, does that mean Gen. Rection is now the TV Title holder and will his next feud be with Fidel Sierra?

When the Partridge Family bus pulls up, Tony says he hasn't seen a bus like that since the 70's. I don't think anyone saw a 1994 Ford bus in the 70's, you moron.

Here's a new drinking game. Replay all the Shane / Torrie / Madusa vignettes and take a drink anytime someone says the word "Bitch". I think you'll get mighty drunk mighty fast.

FYI: Ric Flair told Arn to call Bill Diehl, a bigwig lawyer in Charlotte who recently got Charlotte Hornets owner George Shinn a not guilty verdict in his sexual assault case.

Keep up the good work...

Thanks, Badger. I'll overlook your Mark Madden email address...THIS time.

Finally, the man I call Al (not that one, the one guarding Sting's secret hideout) writes :CRZ,

It was during the Mike Awesome match and when Jarrett comes in to screw it up. Some bloke on the right, 2nd row, holds up a sign that says:


Well, I missed it and I'm sorry, otherwise I would have mentioned it in the Nitro report. As for the sign, there are two obvious responses, and you can have 'em both: (1) thanks for the any press, and (2) your sign is only half right.

The following is a TBS Superstation Original Series!

WCW logo - TV-PG-DLV - nope

Ms. Jones gets out of a car - she's on the cel phone with...somebody. She says that "he's" cool with it and will be here tonight, so don't worry. Jeff Jarrett appears, swipes the phone, appears to have trouble using it (oh, the irony - must not be a TRACFONE), then tells Cat (oh, it's Cat on the other end) that Jones is busy; tonight it's all about Chosen Business. Then he hangs up and pulls Jones off with him...

Meanwhile, David Flair is WALKING! Stopping at the first person he sees, Flair grabs him and pushes him to the wall: "Was it you?" Of course, the tech guy denies it. Flair moves on...

Opening Credits

Hit the PYRO and the iWatch logo - we're on tape from the Roanoke Civic Center in Roanoke, VA 13.9.2K (taped 12.9) and Fall Brawl is only four days away!

THE NWO - I MEAN, "THE BAND" comes out to "Theme from Wolfpack" and with MS. JONEZ . Let Us Take You Back to Nitro to show you what havoc wrought. Nash says hi to Hyatte with a dramatic "Ya know....I'm trying to figure out who's more gullible - is it Booker T, Goldberg, Cat...or is it you stupid people out there? Week in, week out, we suck you in to our little ploys and play you ALL like proverbial fiddles. With Fall Brawl just four days away, Booker T, beaten to a pulp, demoralised, it's gonna be easy pickins for the champion, moi, Big Sexy. And to make it fair for your champion, the match will be in a steel cage, so Booker T's friends can't interfere. Y'know, it's really hot out here and I'd like to go home - Sir Pump-a-lot, you got anything to add?" "There isn't a woman in the world that can deny the pleasure of size. And I don't care what country I go to, or whatever position I'm in, my freaks always tell me size does matter. And I got news for you, that bitch you're staring to (?) is no woman! Just like here in WCW, there's only one person that can say he's a genetic freak - there's only one person that can say he's got the largest arms in the world, and it's not you, Goldberg. Goldberg, you got four days before I prove to you and all this white trash out here that you are just a boy, and I'm the man." "Kev, Scott, I've just got one little bit of unfinished business before I set my sights and concentration on knocking Mike Awesome back to the seventies at Fall Brawl, and that involves YOU, Miss Jones. So in case anybody didn't get to see Nitro on Monday, I've got a little bit of 'instant replay' of the what - what happened, and what took place, so let's show 'em Miss Jones! Kev, would you do the honours? Lay down. After the Chosen One dominated the entire match, *this* was the outcome."

We look outside, where a car squeals up, and Booker T and Cat get out. See what happens when you're late?

Back in the ring, where Jarrett is covering Jones and Nash is counting a pin. Jarrett asks for a five count. I think Tenay sneaks in some woman-bashing as well, but I wasn't paying attention - and when I say "I," I mean "everybody." "The Chosen One's hand was raised in victory! But guess what? Guess what, honey? I lied. I said you were gonna get outta here in one piece, but the next time you get in my face, you're gonna realise gonna have to pay the consequences - you're gonna have to talk to the Chosen One. So get up, stand up, because I've got a guitar shot for you. Mike Awesome, here's a preview of what's gonna happen to you this Sunday." Before he can swing, however, the music fires up and out come BOOKA T. & CAT. Jarrett should whack her quick - but he chooses to stare at the aisle instead. "Your ass is mine, Nash." He decides to say it with a mic. "Yo, listen up, cut that music. You see, Big Poppa Pump, Kevin Nash, that was a pretty good little swerve you pulled on Monday night with me and Goldberg. But let me tell you something, it wasn't good enough because I'm still standing. So make no mistake about this - at Fall Brawl, Sunday night, I'm gonna come in that ring and I'm gonna take my title back for each and every one of these people right here in this arena. And for each and every one of you player haters in there, I got just six words for you (suck it suck it suck it?) - save the drama fer yo momma." "Hey, Slapnuts! I want you to just hold on, because that's no way to treat a lady, okay? (edit here) You can hold up, I'm gonna come back to you, Slapnuts. Now, Steiner, Nash, I got a big surprise for you guys tonight - I'm gonna book you guys in a match tonight against me and Booker T. Hey! And guess what, chump? That belt right there is up for grabs, okay? Whoever gets the fall win the belt, all right? So you - " "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait - what about me, big man? What about me?" "Okay, I'm coming to you right now, Slappy. You know, I want to choose somebody special for you tonight, okay? And let me see - you know I had to go a long way, I had to go all over the world to find this guy, and he was right in the back, you know who I got for you, chump? I tell you what, I'm so happy - what?" The lights have dimmed and Metallica's started up...(THIS IS) STING is in the crowd, and pointing his black baseball bat at Jarrett - then the lights go off and on again and he's "vanished." Meanwhile, Jones is slipping out of the ring, apparently at ring announcer DAVID PENZER'S behest, since he's up on the apron making pantomimes. Jarrett grabs *him* and brings him into the ring to Kabong him. Tenay: "He's an innocent victim just standing there on the ring apron!" Cat and Booker are *so* outraged at this treatment that nothing. Wait, Booker *does* take off his sunglasses. Play the Wolfpac music!

The Filthy Animals (sans Disqo) chat amongst themselves backstage - DI appears shortly thereafter and announces he's gotten Rey & Juvi booked in a three-way match against Kronik and the Harrisses. Everybody expresses outrage. Disqo tries to explain that it's non-title, and if they win, they'll become #1 tag team in the WOW Magazine ratings (geez, Disqo's a whore!), but what he SHOULD have said is that the other two teams hate each other SO MUCH, they'll just be able to sit back and watch - he didn't, so the other four try out their respective catchphrases on him - rather, the inverses. "You ain't got it like that." "You got no joos right now." Rey asks if this is like the Mike Sanders deal. They all walk off without him.


PAMELA PAULSHOCK (with the iWatch logo) stands in the ring - looks like she'll be ring announcer tonight.

Thunder Tailgate Party (Finish Line)

Outside, Mike Awesome's Boogie Bus pulls up - Awesome gets out and whines to the camera about the lack of a grill on his bus. At least he replaced the windshield.

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with the Filthy Animals and lets us know that there'll be a ten-man tag team elimination match against the Natural Born Thrillers (huh?) Disqo says in order to prove he's a team player, he's also booked himself tonight, along with Konnan against Jindrak & O'Haire. Konnan reminds him he's not medically cleared to wrestle. Disqo asks the champs which one of them will wrestle tonight, and they both decline. "Ask Gene." "Gene, will you do it?" "Hey, blow it out your ass - I play golf!" "Hey Tygress, you're healthy, right?" "Jes..." "Okay, good, you're my tag team partner, let's go."

MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (with Chuck Palumbo & Shawn Stasiak & Mike Sanders & Johnny the Bull & Reno) v. DISQO & TYGRYSS (with De Joos, Raymond Stereo & Konnan) - Q: How come we get to hear *Pamela's* ring introductions while we *never* get to her Penzer's? A: Sexism. Sanders would like to bend your ear a moment: "Listen up! This mic ain't on. Hey, Roanoke - I wanna clarify something. See, I was under a little suspension as of Monday night. I was under a little suspension for leading the beatdown of the bitter, pitiful, not so wonderful Mr. Orndorff. Now, you think the Thrillers were mad because I wasn't there Monday night? Nooo, 'cause they knew back at the hotel, I had the ladies warmed up, I had the champagne chillin', the Thrillers showed up, we knocked it off like villliannnnnnnn..." I *guess* that's what he said. I'm sure you'll correct me if I'm wrong. "Now, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce one of the newest members of the most genetically j-j-j-j-jaaaacked groups - Mr. Johnny the Bull. Johnny, Johnny, I know, I know what it feels like - we know what it feels like to beat down Little Vito. Johnny, what does it feel like, in your words, to beat down Vito?" "Well, I gotta tell you - not for nothing, but it felt good. It felt really good to beat the hell out of that punk-ass (Italian word - dugatz?). And I can't WAIT to do it again." "All right, as for the Filthy Animals, listen up. I'm a gamblin' man by nature, and I don't think you boys are gonna make it to Fall Brawl, so Jindrak - O'Haire - take care o' business." Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where Johnny instantly turned on Vito. Looks like all the seconds are gonna stay backstage, so forget all the parentheticals above. Tenay instantly goes into "Tygress has no business out here mode" for our benefit. Hey, 26 minutes with no wrestling - is this RAW? Disqo and Jindrak start, and Disqo throws rights while referee "Blind" Mark Johnson spends five seconds trying to get somebody to ring the opening bell. Into the ropes is reversed, knee in the back by O'Haire, tilt-a-whirl slam by Jindrak. Pound, tag, into the corner, Jindrak stomps, double hiptoss across the ring. Thrust kick by O'Haire gets two. O'Haire holds out his leg for a tag, then gives Disqo a jawbreaker. Jindrak in with a springboard clothesline - but it's ducked. Disqo with a big atomic drop. Off the ropes with a clothesline. O'Haire in - Disqo ducks a roundhouse kick, gutshot, WHOOSH FALL BRAWL 4 DAYS AWAY, off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. Tag to Tygress? Yup. She goes in and throws an elbow to Jindrak, then to O'Haire - hell, let's let Stevie call it: "Forearm over the top! Forearm over the top! Forearm over the top! Forearm over the top! Stomped on the big toe!" One more forearm over the top to Jinrak, but O'Haire catches the next attempt and picks her up. While she's in his arms, Disqo comes in - they play keep away, then O'Haire shoves Disqo into a corner. Back and forth they throw her. Stevie: "That's how you play with a yak - throw 'em from side to side." O'Haire gives her an atomic drop as Disqo rolls out and calls for help....then actually runs to the back as Jindrak starts to gallop - he's gonna give her the broncobuster? Well, he tried - she gets out of the way and he sorta crotches himself. Tygress tells the crowd SHE'S gonna do it - Jindrak gets up, figures out he can get a faceful o' stuff, and sits back down in the corner. Of course, Tygress blows the move, almost putting her foot through his neck. Finally, we get the broncobuster - Jindrak calmly picks her up - POWERBOMB. O'Haire on top for the Seantonbomb. O'Haire covers - 1, 2, 3. Psst - O'Haire wasn't the legal man. (2:10) The FILTHY ANIMALS are too late in arriving, and the rest of the NATURYL BORN THRYLLRZ are right behind them. Twelve-person cluster in the ring as Stevie reminds us what his momma always said: "You gotta know yo beans from yo cornbread." Yes.

TONIGHT: Ric Flair! Don't turn the channel! Please!

This portion of Thunder (and this Nitro Grrl dance) is brought to you by Starburst Fruit Chews - give it some juice!

David Flair accosts Mark Johnson (and the iWatch logo) backstage. Johnson says he's not the father of the baby. "Let me tell you something - if it WAS me, I'd be telling everyone. Coulda BEEN anybody." Flair breaks a mop over his back as he walks away. Flair neglects to ask him if he ran over Stone Cold.

Meanwhile, Storm and Skipper are talking. Storm wants to know where he was Monday. "I was training!" But he's here for him tonight. Major Gunns appears and asks if she can please go out there. "Is that how a Canadian would ask? Have you learned nothing?" "(sighs) Can I PLEASE go OOT there, EH?" "All right, but remember, you're representing Canada - we're gonna be watching you."

NEXT: Mike Awesome is WALKING! That's right - coming up, an INTERVIEW SEGMENT!!

Fall Brawl promo - "no script!" On one level, I fully *believe* that they currently haven't scripted it...and probably won't until Sunday, around 6pm or so

We come back in Cat's office - Cat, Booker, Jones and Sting are there. They talk about taking it back, or something, and it quickly turns to Sting looking for some "main event stuff." He asks Booker if he can have the first title shot if he beast Nash on Monday. Booker says that's a done deal, but for now they need to keep their eyes on the prize. Huh?

Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals throw blame around.

AWESOME MULLET sits in the Lava Lamp Lounge. I transcribed this last week, so if you REALLY wanna know what Awesome said, go read *that* report. Tonight's guest is MAJOR GUNNS. She gives him five, then smacks his ass when he requests "on the backside." "Now, I wanna cut right to the chase. I wanna get serious here for a minute. You know, you're finer than Farrah Fawcett, and I'm feelin' like the Six Million Dollar Man." "Thank you, Mikey, but I gotta tell you, the real reason why I'm here is that Lance Storm is driving me absolutely crazy. Any time I wanna do anything, I have to ask him first, he's just oh! he's just driving me bonkers! I can't handle it no more!" "Well, I'll tell you what. The Love Doctor knows EXACTLY what you need. As a matter of fact, hey, you know, I hear you Canadian chicks are hot to trot, and I'd like to show you a little bit of Love, American Style." "Mikey, I am NOT Canadian, and I don't want to BE a Canadian." "Whoa - take a chill pill, baby! Look, I know exactly what you need, so why don't you hold onto this microphone, turn around, and let me massage that stress right out of your body." She actually goes for this. "Ohhh, you are SOOO good...I love your big, hard, strong hands. Oooh....." That's it, I'm outta here. We are "rescued" by the timely intervention of LANCE STORM & ELIX SKIPPER - I MEAN, TEAM CANADA. "That's enough - we're shuttin' this down right now. That's not the way to treat a lady from Canada - we're shuttin' this show down." "You're shuttin' it down? You and who else?" "Elix, shut him down." While Storm walks off with Gunns, Awesome demolishes the smaller man - including a press slam through the curtain. That's what they like to call a "push." *Now* here comes THE SECOND FAMILY, who surround Storm. "No no no no no no no. Hey, Lance, this POW crap has gone on long enough. Major Gunns is not Canadian - she never was Canadian, she never will be Canadian! Major Gunns is an American! Major Gunns is a Misfit! Major Gunns, fall out!" She tries to leave, but Storm still has her wrist. "You want her back? You gotta win her back. In a tag match - me and Elix against you and the old man, Jim Duggan. And your boys are banned from ringside. If you want her back, that's the only way you can get her." "You wanna do this? You want a war? You got a war! Gunns, get ready to come home. Let's go boys!" Awesome is ready to close up by telling us we never know what to expect on the Lava Lamp Lounge (besides no wrestling), but he's cut short by JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET in a tech crew jumpsuit, surprising him with the Stroke through a glass table. "Folks, stay tuned - next week - for the premiere of Slapnuts Theatre! Choke on that, Awesome!" Oh boy?

Thunder Tailgate Party (with the iWatch logo) (Valvoline) - hey Tony, don't try to snow us - that DIDN'T take place today

Backstage, Jim Duggan reads a paper. Would it be wrong of me to ask "if he's retired, what's he doing backstage?" The Misfits approach, but Duggan declines the offer, saying he's retired. "He said he wanted a piece of the old man." Duggan quickly turns on hearing that somebody's called him old, and tells them he'll be out there. "USA! USA! USA!"

Meanwhile, a father and son happen upon Nash and Steiner and ask for a photo - Nash gets sixty bucks bucks outta the guy before agreeing - then, at the last possible Kevin Kelly goes to take the picture, Edge and Christian step in front of the kid and completely obscure him. Whoops, sorry, slipped into another show report there, didn't I.

This Fall Brawl graphic says that Goldberg will take on Scott Steiner!

FRANCHISE & TORRIE MADUSA v. KIDMAN & MADUSA - Later on tonight, the Sting/Jarrett match will be two out of three falls. How will they EVER be able to book THREE screwjobs in ONE match? Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where Madusa and Kidman and Franchise and Wilson and oh, it won't be pretty Sunday when we watch the scaffold match. "Cut the music! Now, what all you low-IQ Virginians can do is sit down and pay attention while I talk to that punk, Billy Kidman! We are four days away, punk, from your destiny - four days from Fall Brawl! Four days from a Pittsburgh Plunge scaffold match! Now, you people that are so fond of booing me and Torrie Wilson, you can cheer this - the Franchise will *guarantee* that Kidman or Madusa will take a twenty foot plunge right down to their destiny - if not, I will personally refund every single person's money that night - now, Kidman, I ain't a patient man! I say you bring that wench down here with ya and me and Torrie have fun all night long!" Kidman leaves the ring to chase "that yak" Torrie around ringside, and up through the crowd - yo, lookit the mullet on THAT guy - meanwhile, in the ring, Franchise has the STF on Madusa. She doesn't tap, though, and Franchise releases it when he sees Torrie and Kidman out in the crowd. He leaves the ring to go after them. Torrie with a slap. Tenay *almost* forgets to make a sexist comment, but just sneaks it in (whew!). Torrie backs up and almost falls over a balcony railing - Kidman saves her - and gets slapped again. Now Franchise has caught up to them. Kidman ducks a clothesline, elbows Franchise, who falls backwards into Torrie, who walks over to the railing, grabs it, and falls over. Really, it DID look *that* bad. Anyway, Franchise pulls her back up. The bell rings at this point - I'll guess we should assume that referee "Blind" Billy Silverman completed the slowest ten count in history (COR? 2:10) Notice how we never saw how tall (or short) a drop that was to the floor...I'm guessing she wasn't in real danger...

NEXT: Ric Flair! We promise!

The 1-800-COL-LECT replay is Torrie hanging around - we also get a shot of Silverman raising Madusa's hand, and her saying "what happened?" so I guess they DID win by countout

Gene O. stands with Kidman, Madusa and the iWatch logo. Kidman once again tells us that there hasn't been a scaffold match in nine years. Unfortunately, he's not bad enough for me to transcribe - Madusa, on the other hand... "Torrie and Franchise, you two are gonna find out at Fall Brawl what gravity is all about! And it's gonna be a BITCH just like I am, ya little...." and she stops. Where has this gem BEEN all this time?

Buff Bagwell carries the WCW Mastercard - and doesn't work

"Tuesday," MIKE TENAY sat down with THE MAN. Ric Flair, last night in your hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina probably had to be the biggest emotional roller coaster ride that you and your family has ever been taken on. Early in the night, you buried the hatchet with your son David - then later in the evening the bombshell that we all heard when Stacy announced to the world that the baby she was carrying was not David's. Certainly had to be a night of mixed emotions for you, sir.

Well, Mike, you know the past five years has been one night of mixed emotions after another for me. Umm, you know, this company and I have been upside down with each other - a result of problem with Vince Russo, I actually fell apart at the seams with my own family, meaning my son David. So last night, the opportunity to come back together with David, even though he was getting married in a wrestling ring, in an auditorium instead of a church was still a great, great moment in our family. David and I bonded, the family was there, he was geting married to a girl that I thought came from a good family, a girl I thought represented what David needed to be with, someone that liked what he did for a living, and you're right, it fell apart. Umm, you know, I can't put my finger on it, I don't know what, really don't know what to think of it anyway right now. I see David, a dejected young man - a kid who five, five months ago was on top of the world, thought he had it all, tied...tied - tied to the reins by Vince Russo. Now I see a kid that's in the middle of a real emotional problem, you know, it's tough, it's part of being a man. It's part of being in this business. It's a tough business, it's pro sports, and if you're an athlete, and you're competing on the road, and you're traveling, and you get your family involved, I mean, anything can happen. Unfortunatley, it happened to my son. But he's a man now, and he's gonna have to, ah - he's gonna have to stand up to the plate.

Ric, you talked about the problems that you endured with Vince Russo and we certainly witnessed them over the course of the past few months. Ric, the bottom line is that you're retired from WCW. What are you doing here?

I'm here 'cause you asked me to come down and talk to you - let's get that straight right now. You're not talking to Midajah - you're talking to Ric Flair.

Ric, you know I have nothing but respect for you, and certainly saw you in some of the legendary battles and I think of you in the ring with the Harley Races, with the Dusty Rhodes', with the Ricky Steamboats, and Ric, you're, you're--

How - how 'bout the Stings, the Lugers, the Nashes, the Hogans, the Austins, the Undertakers, ahhh, let's go right down the line, I've wrestled anybody that's anybody in this business. Don't cut me short, Mike.

Not in the least.

You're gonna start talkin' about my career, let's talk about it in reality. I've wrestled everybody that's anybody in this sport.

And you can go on and on and continue to add...

That's right.

...the biggest names in the sports entertainment world, and that's exactly the point that I'm getting to.

I could have.

You were in the ring, you competed with these people. You defeated every one of them. Yet we're talking about an individual who was *not* a wrestler - a man who was in WCW for just a couple of months, and you allowed Vince Russo to get under your skin to the point where he caused you *that* amount of problems?

"That amount of problems" meaning what, that I'm out of the business now?

Among other things, that's the biggest problem.

I'm out of the business now because I entered into a contract in a match where if I got beat, I had to leave the business, that's why I'm sittin' home right now. That's why you're talking to me - you're - don't kid me and don't kid yourself. I haven't been on camera for three months becuase Russo got me into a contract, I lost the match, I'm off the air and I'm out of the business. Am I crazy about it? No. But, you know what? Russo and I, somewhere down the road, some way, shape or form'll hook up, but right now, I'm officially retired. Nothing I can do about it.

Think of all the - the troubles, trials and tribulations that Russo put you through. Problems with your wife Beth. With your other son Reid. And we witnessed them on World Championship Wrestling programming. Had to really get under your skin, didn't it.

That got under my skin, but - you know, I'm the guy that made the mistake of bringing them to the table. I made the mistake of bringing my family...for twenty-five years I rode up and down the highway by myself, having the time of my life, and then I got that, you know, holier-than-thou feeling, thought I should involve the family, bring that part of my life out that wasn't, you know, always been behind the scenes. I made my own problems. But Russo is a snake, man, he's no good. Russo is gettin' credit, taking credit for putting me out of this business. He's taking credit for making this company go. He's took credit for making McMahon's company go!

He took credit for shaving your head, which he did on a national TV program as well.

I know. I know. He did, that's right - twenty-eight *years* promoters have been trying to cut my hair. And Russo got me in the match. You're right, he got under my skin, he got to me. He did. But you know what Mike, there's nothing I can do, I'm not gonna sit here and cry on national TV.

No excuses.

No excuses.

Ric, you know I have nothing but the utmost respect for you...

Thank you.

I've followed you throughout your career....respected you in and out of the ring. (three beats) But Ric, I've gotta ask you the question that's on the minds and on the lips of everyone associated with WCW, I've heard it all day long. And Ric, those rumours really revolve around Stacy's bombshell announcement that David is not the father.

Oh, God...

And those rumours are...and you know, Ric, I have to ask this question. The rumours are that you're the father of the baby.

You know, Mike, I heard that a week ago, I heard it last night, I heard it today. And I came here today promising myself that I wouldn't let Russo or you or the company or the state of this business crack me again, but a statement like that, and that statement's being made because Ric Flair had a persona that he ran wild with for twenty-five years - the kiss-stealing, wheeling-dealing, limousine riding, jet flying, kissed all the girls and made 'em cry...I tell you this right now, Tenay: you are just a product of Russo. That's the kind of comment that gets a guy hurt, that's the kind of comment that causes families to get hurt, that's the kinda statement that really, really is one of the reasons why I'm out of this business. It's bull(shit). And you and I were're just like Vince Russo, you're a guy trying to make a BUCK - trying to walk where I've already been.

Well, he didn't say no...

Backstage, David Flair asks Fit Finlay if he's the father of the baby. "First of all, take your hands off me - get them off. Listen to me, sunshine - I've got a beautiful wife at home - I don't need your beanpole bride. Did you not hear what your father just said out there? You'd better calm down, son, before you get hurt."

Promotional consideration paid for by the iWatch logo, Slim Jim (no Savage), America (ha!) Online, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, Motel 6 7/8, Boston Market TV dinners, and Catbo!

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. (THIS IS) STING in a best two out of three falls match - Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight and the Lava Lamp Lounge fun 'n' games. Tony thanks us for the ratings. "Cut the damn music! Cut the music! Hey, Stinger, I saw your little conversation in the back between you and Booker, and it seems like you're so sure that this Monday on Nitro, this coming Monday that you're gonna get the title shot. Well, I got news for ya. It ain't happening. Because I had a conversation with Big Sexy Kevin Nash, and he assured me that he was gonna walk out of the cage match at Fall Brawl the Champion. And he also assured me that this Monday, I'M gonna get a title shot, so Sting, you can take your title shot and flush it down the tubes." "Oh, just - just wait one minute there, Jeffrey. Or should I say...suh-lappy. How 'bout this, Jeff, how 'bout the winner of our match tonight gets a shot at the world title, no matter who wins at Fall Brawl, whether it's Booker T or Kevin Nash. A simple yes or no. C'mon, Slappy, c'mon - Slap-py! Slap-py! Slap-py!" Crowd works up a pretty good chant. "Wait a damn minute! Stinger, since the Cat has made this match tonight a two-out-of-three falls, that's gonna give me the opportunity to beat your ass twice. In the words of your OWN damn self, I guess it'!"

Primera caida: Jarrett decides to go outside rather than lock up. Ten second break between falls, we are told. Sting riles up the crowd. Feeling out process. Side headlock by Jarrett, powered out by Sting, big shoulderblock. WHOOSH 4 WHOOSH. Commentators try to figure out WCW's last three falls match - Stevie Ray volunteers Wahoo McDaniel/Dusty Rhodes, while Tony thinks there must have been one on Nitro. "Slap Pee!" chant. Lockup, side headlock by Sting, Jarrett powers out, Sting hits another shoulderblock. That's not working for Jarrett. Lockup, side headlock by Sting. Jarrett shoves him out, shoulderblock by Sting. Up and over, leapfrog by Jarrett, Sting with...a shoulderblock. Jarrett kicks the bottom rope. "Slap-py" chant egged on by Sting. Lockup, knee by Jarrett, uppercut, uppercut, into the ropes is reversed, hiptoss from Sting. Off the ropes, big clothseline puts Jarrett on the floor. Sting follows him, points to the table (Stevie: "This is the only table we got!") and puts Jarrett down hard on it. Sting appropriates Schiavone's water and gives Jarrett a squirt (that doesn't work). Right hand by Sting. Head to the safety rail. They're going up the aisle - Sting with a snap suplex on the stage. Stomp. Referee "Blind" Mickie Jay asking Sting to *please* put it back in the ring. Stevie Ray: "...who is probably the most in-shape referee we have. (big pause) What's wrong?" Tony: "I'm just watching the match." Mike: "I've got enough heat as it is, don't look at me." Right hand by Sting. Right. They're back to the ring. Jarrett manages to roll in first, and catch Sting with a right as he tries to come in. Right, right, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, to the corner to pose. Head to the buckle. Again. Into the opposite corner is reversed, but Jarrett avoids the Stinger splash attempt. Sting catches himself before hitting the buckle, turns round and clotheslines Jarrett. Another clothesline. Sting going up top...flying clothesline! Sting calls to the crowd and goes up top again - big splash - 1, 2, kickout! "C'mon, Slappy!" Sting is ready to execute the Scorpion Death Drop, but Jarrett is holding onto Jay's arm for leverage - now pulling him towards the pile, where he collides with Sting and goes down hard. Sting looks over to check on him - and Jarrett uppernuts him. There's the Stroke! 1, 2, 3! (5:19) We put up the ten second clock...and the bell rings for the second fall.

Segunda caida: Jarrett kicks Sting, then stomps him to the floor. Jarrett goes outside and puts sting's back into the rail. Head to the commentary table. "This is the only table we have, Mike!" Fistdrop on the table, another fistdrop. Jarrett back in the ring and demanding Jay put on a count. Sting back up at 4. Head to the gut, sunset flip attempt over the ropes, Jarrett wobbles...steadies himself...and cuts loose with a right. Sting breaks the hold - then quickly clamps back on and brings Jarrett down, completing the sunset flip and scoring a quick surprise pin. (1:11)

Tercera caida: Stevie Ray says he's going to request the reinforce their table next week. Jarrett jumps Sting right after the bell with a field goal kick. Stomp, kick, into the ropes, Sting ducks, Sting tries for a headlock, Jarrett elbows, but Sting applies the sleeper. Jarrett with an elbow. Into the ropes, JARRETT with a sleeper. Sting down to one knee...down to two knees...lying down. Jay checking to make sure it's not a choke - and now checking the arm. Arm falls once - arm falls twice - arm does not fall thrice. Crowd comes alive for Sting - to his feet! Elbowing out! Elbow! Elbow! Off the ropes, Sting puts on the sleeper! Jarrett quickly falls backwards in a death suplex to break it. Jay puts on the count - neither man is stirring...both men start to move at eight - at nine, Jarrett shoves Sting and drapes an arm over him. 1, 2, shoulder up! Jarrett off the ropes, Sting blocks a punch, blocks ANOTHER punch and throws a right of his own. That lands. Jarrett bounces off and tries to punch - Sting blocks it and hits another. Off the ropes, Sting ducks a clothesline attempt, but as Jarrett comes off, their heads collide...Sting staggers backwards, bounces off the ropes, and falls to the mat...unfortunately low blowing Jarrett in the process. Both men down. Jarrett, struggling, gets up first. Got Sting by the hair - head to the buckle - no effect! Jarrett tries again - Sting starting to glower! Jarrett running Sting to an adjacent corner...but Sting blocks that attempt and roars. Sting with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," chop, right, chop, into the corner, but Jarrett pulls Jay over to take the Stinger splash! Sting clothesline Jarrett as Mark Johnson comes out (still holding his back from the mopbreak). Jarrett whipped into the corner - this time the Stinger splash finds the mark. Sting lining up for another Jarrett grabs Johnson, gives him a knee in the gut, and uses him to shield himself. Sting asks the crowd if he should just splash the pile anyway - and then does so. Scorpion Deathlock! Stevie Ray has waited patiently for his chance to tell Tony that it wasn't a broom handle, it was a mop handle. Jarrett is tapping but there aren't any conscious referees in the ring. Sting drops Jarrett's arm three times for effect...then demands that somebody ring the bell. So they do - and play his music, to boot. (4:33 - total time 11:34) Methinks with a tainted victory, they'll probably fight again on Monday before the title match. Still, I ENJOY WRESTLING.

The 1-800-CAL-LATT report sez: Nitro Monday Kitchener Kunze

Advance Auto Parts presents "This Week in WCW Motorsports!" This week, Blaise Alexander's 81 sported a Jeff Jarrett paint job. Despite his bravado, Alexander could do no better than "a Top 20 finish" (translation: he finished 20th)

Gene O. stands with Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the Second Family. Tonight, it's one last time. His family isn't too excited about it, and neither are the doctors, but Duggan is the man to stand tall to bring Gunns back home. Or should I say HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOme

RAYMOND STEREO & DE JOOSY ONE (with Disqo & Konnan) v. HARRYS BROTHYRZ (with chains - no, not Chainz) v. KRONIK in a nontitle, triple threat match - True to form, the Harrisses meet Kronik in the aisle and get to brawling, which *should* vindicate Disqo, but he gets busy telling his men to get involved - yeah, he and Konnan take headsets and yak. Tony: "If ya gotta say something, talk in soundbites, okay?" Animals don't get involved in the match at all until they draw out Big Ron, having him chase them to the back while, in the ring, Kronik give Heavy D High Times and Clark covers for the fall. (1:28) Post-match, Ron comes back and tries to extract revenge, but while Kronik beat HIM up, Don has found a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Amazingly, the swing is NOT pre-empted by a crowd shot. Konnan tries to sneak in his "shoot" joke about Kronik putting fans to sleep ("Stevie Ray, do you still carry that Slapjack with you?" "That's a secret, baby.") before we cut to

David Flair is WALKING!

Fall Brawl promo #2 - "no script!" How come they always hype Goldberg/Steiner instead of Nash/T for the title?

Close captioning for the hearing impaired (eh?) sponsored by Meineke!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - now, they tell us it was a chain and not barbed wire. Oh well.

DAVID FLAIR (and the iWatch logo) hit the ring. Commentators priase Mike for having the guts to ask Flair the Question, because "suckas need to know." Tony: "GOTS to know!" Stevie: "Okay, gots to know." "As you probably can tell, there've been a lot of things running through my mind lately, and there are two things that stand out, and one's pretty obvious. Number one, my father called me a man. And as a - being a man, I can deal with what happened this past Monday night. So Stacy, what I want you to do is, come out here and look me in the eye, and TELL me who the father is because I'm not leaving this ring 'til you do." Stevie Ray always says you gotta keep your yaks in check. We look down the aisle - nobody. No, here comes STACY KEYBLYR now. "This is real life drama, unfolding before our very eyes in the centre of the ring on Thunder here on TBS!" "You know, Stacy, there's a lot of things that I can't change that have happened in the past...but then there's a lot of things I wouldn't forget for the world, things that, you know you mean so much to me - I mean, there's just...words don't explain how much you mean to me. Stacy, look at me when I'm talking to you." She turns her back. "Stacy, look at me when I'm talking to you. I mean, if you love me as much as I love you, I deserve the truth. I mean, all I deserve is the truth, so please tell me who the father is, you know I lo-- I mean, please tell me who the father is. I deserve to know the truth! You know, I'll always love you." But before she says anything, "Theme From IV Horsemen" fires up and out comes ARN ANDERSON. Tony: "Wait a minute--nah." "What's the matter with you? Get a hold of yourself, son. It's not yours. There's nothing that can be done about that." "Are you the father?!?" "Get that bass outta your voice, number one. Lookit me - remember me? Women are like busses, one comes along every twenty minutes - get over it! Let's go! Nothing can be done about it!" Flair leaves - and Anderson turns to Stacy. "But let me tell you something, missy. You can't con me and the rest of these people, 'cause I'm not in love with ya - he is. YOU know who the daddy is - I pray to God you do, anyway." Arn takes off while, I still daren't use the word "acts."

Backstage, Duggan's been laid out - and the American flag has been draped over his corpse. Anybody seen Yawkazooma around lately?

Promotional consideration paid for by the Nitro trading card game, Corn Nuts, Boston Market TV dinners (again), AOL (again), Lean Pockets (again), and Bubble Yum

Thunder Tailgate Party (Yamaha)

Graphic sez: Canadian/US title match - Lance Storm vs. Gen Rection of the MIA

TEAM CANADA (with Major Gunns and the iWatch logo) v. GEN. RECTION (by his damn self) for Major Gunns - "Don't get too excited, you're not going anywhere yet. All rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem!" Anthem lasts (:16) before "Not Edwin K. Starr" starts playing and Rection comes out alone. Let's see - I predict that Duggan will come out at the last minute, only to turn on Rection and join Team Canada. Or maybe Rection will pull out the win, only to have Gunns turn on HIM (and cost him the title) on Sunday. Flash to the end: Skipper puts the flag in the back of the legs of Rection, taking him down Gillooly-style. Just as Storm locks in the Canadian Maple Leaf, WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN crawls to the ring with his music and his 2x4...just in time to see Rection tap. Hey, somebody kept Russo away from this match - good for them! (3:14) The rest of the SECOND FAMILY runs out to help their leader, but Team Canada take off, eh, and wave the flag proudly at the top of the ramp as we head to the break

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago as Duggan...just missed it.

Gene O. stands with the Second Family and Duggan (and the iWatch logo). Morrus demands Storm put the belt AND Gunns on the line Sunday. For the last time. I *wish* I could believe him...

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: KEVIN NASH (with Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) and WHITE THUNDER v. THE CAT and BOOKA T. - Steiner stashes his sunglasses in Paulshock's cleavage, causing Stevie Ray to go on another tirade about yaks. Tenay dutifully lines up right behind him. Pier Four Brawl to start. T with a Harlem side kick for Steiner; Cat with a spinning roundhouse kick for Nash, who goes outside. Cat follows. Brawl in here, brawl out there. Steiner reverses a whip, T reverses the reversal, puts a knee in the gut, but while trying to go off the ropes for the axe kick, Nash clotheslines him in the back. Steiner with a blockbuster suplex. Stomp. Steiner goes outside as Nash comes in. Ray brings up the Steiners' awesome "fooplexes." Tenay: "WHAT-plexes?" Booker put in the corner, knee, knee, knee. Steiner waffles Cat with the title belt. Nash right. Steiner in and kicking at T, right, right, standing on the neck. Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson risking his life and calling for the break. Nash outside to gives Cat another belt shot. Steinerline, elbowdrop, 2. Nash comes back in - sidewalk slam. 1, 2, no. Steiner puts Cat into the post. Into the ropes, double clothesline. Steiner throws a forearm as Cat reaches the apron. Nash drops an elbow for 2. Cat thrown into the front row, where he almost collides with an old lady. Nash with a right, but as he brushes his hair back, T strikes back - right, right, right, right, into the opposite corner, but Nash puts up the boot. Steiner back in the ring - and there's an elbow. Steiner puts his head in the buckle. Belly-to-belly suplex. Cat has a chair - but Nash is out to take it from him, then use it against him. In the ring, Steiner has T in the Steiner Recliner - but Nash is over to pull T out of the hold and underneath the ropes. Meanwhle, a motorcyle has driven down the aisle. Is it the Undertaker? No, it's COLD BEER. T with a hot shot on Steiner - Goldberg with the spear. (Relaxed DQ 4:13) Jackhamer! Credits are up and we're quickly gone.

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