WCW logo - TV-PG-DLV

Highlight package from a close captioned show

Opening Credits

Pyro - I mean PYRO! We're on tape from the Eric Civic Center in Erie, PA 20.9.2K (taped 19.9) and let's start it already

VIC VENOM (with four security dudes and the iWatch logo) is out as Stevie Ray busts out "sad sack" on his way to a rather prolonged bout of shouting about how title shots were meant for "real athletes." I guess he forgot to run that by his brother before Monday, then. "Please - please forgive me, but this is a very emotional night for me. I am five days away from becoming the WCW Champion." Stevie Ray: "And I'm about five minutes away from throwing up 'cause I cannot listen to this crap, Tony." "My home town this Monday night - Long Island, New York, it's been a lifelong dream for me. But right now I'd like to make a few promises - once I do become the WCW Champion on Monday night, you WILL have a champion that you can look up to. A champion that's intelligent, handsome, and will well represent this company into the millennium! Unlike Booker T, that street THUG! But you know what, I wanna make this fair - I wanna make it fair. I will have the home field advantage at the Nassau Colesium. Therefore, tonight, Booker I know you're back there - being the man I am, you've got the night off, pal! But not me. I've been training my ass off! Look at these gunz, will you? I was in the Power Plant yesterday for an hour and forty-five minutes, baby! And tonight, all you fans will be treated, because tonight, In This Very Ring, Vince Russo will have a tuneup match! And I will give you a little taste of what Booker's in store for on Monday night. (to Ray) You got something you wanna say, Mac? You got something you wanna say, punk? You think you're bad? You think you're bad? Come on in! Try me! Try me! Come on! Come on! Come on! You think I sweat you? You're as big a wuss as your brother." Finally he gets on the apron.. "You set one foot in this ring and I'll fire your ass on the spot - back off! Baaaaack - get him off. You know what, Stevie, week after week I (get outta my way!) I'm sick and tired of lookin' at your face, I'm sick and tired of you puttin' your brother over, I'm sick and tired of you period. So you know what? Before I slap you upside your head, get to steppin'! I don't wanna see you tonight. And if you got a problem with that, just say it - I'll fire you right now and we'll end it. Tuck your tail between your legs...hit the bricks, bebe. And when you go back there, say a little prayer that I didn't kick your ass. Go!" Tenay, the Character expresses delight at more air time for him.

Backstage, a car squeals into the parking lot. Scott Steiner is behind the wheel, Jarrett's in the passenger seat, and Midajah's in the back seat. Sounds like these three are ready to go get Russo...

Back in the ring where Russo is trying to lead a "Russo" chant. "Go! What word don't you - I'll come right out there! I'll come out there!" Ray decides to take off. "Nonononononono - not up the ramp - that ramp is too good for you - around the ramp, AROUND the ramp. That's my ramp, around the ramp. Come on!" Since when not using the ramp a grave insult? "That man right there just got it easy, because on Monday night, Booker, there will be no drama for your momma, because I am gonna flat punk you out. Now Can U Dig That? As if on cue, the lights dim and a siren blares - WHITE THUNDER & MIDAJAH are out. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is behind. Steiner's lead pipe meets two craniums - Midajah stands on the bottom rope and kicks one of these two over the top rope to the floor while Jarrett tosses the other. The two remaining R(&B) security guys protect Russo in a corner. Steiner tells them to come out...then waffles them with the lead pipe before they can react. Steiner and Jarrett each toss one of THIS pair outside the ring. Steiner grabs Russo as he tries to part the ropes. Russo reaches for the mace hanging around his neck and gives Steiner a faceful - no effect - Steiner grabs it and throws it away. Steiner's "Get that out of here!" looks like it was dubbed over something like "piece o' shit." "Where you been for two days? You've got explaining to do, boy! See, without us, Booker T, Sting and Goldberg will kick your ass. You need us! No, no, you need us, but you've cost me the world title on Monday because I had Booker T cryin' for his momma, 'cause he was in the Steiner Recliner. Now explain that to me, boy!" "Wait a minute - I got an explanation! I got an explanation! No, I got it, Jeff, PLEASE. I got an explanation. Scott, on Monday night Booker T wasn't a part of that match - I was a part of that match. If Booker T woulda went unconscious, you wouldn'ta got a title shot Monday night, he wasn't even in the match! I came down to the ring on Monday to sacrifice my body for you, Scott! I was gonna lay down like this, Scott - 1, 2, 3 for you, Scott! What don't you understand? Guys, I'm hurt! You know I love you guys! Jeff, how many title shots have I given you? How many title shots have I given you? And there'll be plentya morea title shots. But right now, we got a little problem. We got a little problem who poked up his ugly head Monday night, and his name is Sting! Now in an effort to make it up to you two because of a misunderstanding, tonight I set up a little three-way dance - Jeff - Scott - STINGGGERRRR! Beat the hell outta Sting - we get rid of Sting, you will have title shots from here to Kingdom Come! Oh, uh, one more thing before I go, I just wanna remind you guys o' something. I am the BOSS, and I MADE both your asses - and I can break both your asses--" and he runs off as his music plays. But meeting him at the curtain is BOOKA T. Russo slowly backs off...and down the aisle. "You know something, Vince, I been sittin' in the back and I just wanna let you know one thing - I'm real nervous and I'm real scared about our match on Monday night. And make no mistake about it, I will be watchin' your ass tonight." Russo thinks about backing up some more - then, spotting (THIS IS) STING, ducks out the side as Sting and Booker start battling Steiner and Jarrett in the aisle. Midajah might want to swing that pipe...or, okay, I guess she can just stand far away and watch...and maybe squeal. They leave Steiner laying, Jarrett escapes, and Sting and Boooker are ready to walk off...must be ad break time!

Our commentators are now TONY SCHIAVONE, MIKE TENAY, JEREMY BORASH and the iWATCH LOGO. Coming up later, Tenay makes Stacey Keibler cry! Tenay (to Borash): "I can remember when *I* was the flavour of the month!"

WCW Magazine ad - for people who think WOW is "too intellectual"

JUNG DRAGONS (with Leia Meow) v. MIKE SANDERS & MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE - Sanders and Kaz start - Kaz kick, right, right, going for a whip but Sanders slides under holding onto the hand, then - still holding that pump handle - tosses Kaz over his shoulders - very nice. In comes Yang, in comes Jindrak. Side headlock by Jindrak, powered out - just an attempt as Jindrak holds on, even spinning around Yang as he leaves his feet. Sanders now joining the commentary team as Yang attempts to break the hold by throwing elbows. Into the ropes, Yang knocked down. Off the ropes, Yang's backflip kick doesn't budge Jindrak - right hand, into the ropes, hiptoss - nothing. Gutshot, flippy flippy - but Jindrak ignores all this and clotheslines him down hard. Tag to O'Haire. Into the ropes, Yang ducks the double clothesline and breaks out with the windmill - say, you think he'll do the double Stooges eyepoke here? It's sad when a "cool" spot becomes a "saturated" spot. (Normally, I'd roll out one of my own spots here, creating an ironic juxtaposition, but hell, this is only a Thunder report, right?) Yang with the crane. O'Haire regains enough of his sight to shove down Yang with a big boot. Open-handed slap by O'Haire. Into the ropes, Yang ready to make a futile attempt at a sunset flip, O'Haire ready to drop a fist but Yang headbutts him in the groin to take him down. I'd call that a cool spot, only I'm afraid Yang might catch wind of it and then use it in his next twelve successive matches. That's 2 from referee "Blind" Mickie Jay. Yang with One Thousand Hands. Into the ropes is reversed, Yang tumbles under a kick, but not the clothesline. Tag to Jindrak. Right hand. Into the ropes, duck, Yang up for a cruicifix, swinging through into a 'rana. Tag to Kaz - right, right, into the corner is reversed, Kaz leaps to the top rope and lands on his feet off a backflip, Jindrak to the top rope, jumping backwards as Kaz eats the buckle trying to run into him - up in the Rack - and down with a White Guy Drop. Tag to O'Haire - Seantonbomb. 1, 2, Jamie-san decides to come off the top rope with a legdrop for no apparent reason - well, other than to break up the pin attempt, sure. Jindrak stomp, stomp, into the ropes, Kaz grabs the top rope and hoists himself over and onto the apron, he makes a Muta-esque face and throws a big kick over to Jindrak. Springing in with a DDT. Tag to Jamie-san. Punches in bunches, O'Haire in with a kick, which is ducked. Jamie-san hits him in the jimmy-san. Double DDT coming up. Sanders takes his leave of the commentators, sensing his presence may be required. Jindrak put in the rope, reveresed, sorta, reversed again - they're spinning in place here. SOMEBODY needs to make a decision! Jamie-san ends up going into the ropes, Jindrak going for a powerbomb - and sits out, hitting it. Sanders wants the tag - and gets it. Cover - 1, 2, no. Cover - 1, 2, no. Stomp, stomp, stomp, into the ropes, Borash isn't much of a commentator, tilt-a-whirl but Jamie-san lands on his feet, trying for a tombstone on Sanders, but Sanders tilts his weight backwards and lands on his feet. HE tries the tombstone, but Jamie follows through and the hold is broken. Sanders manages a snapmare, but Jamie-san catches the followup clothesline and turns it into a neckbreaker. Both men down - both men up at 2. Jamie with a right, right, into the ropes is reversed, scoop - no, he's on his feet and trying a waistlock - Sanders with a back elbow, another, swinging around and holding a headlock - each man tries to lift the other to no avail, Jamie-san has the arm - side Russian leg sweep. Off the ropes, but Jindrak grabs the ankle - so he dropkicks him through the ropes. O'Haire over to check on his partner - Jamie-san decides a tope is in order, but O'Haire catches him on the floor - and drops him on the safety rail. "Mike, you want this, buddy?" Jindrak & O'Haire launch him over the top rope - and Sanders finishes with a powerslam. Sanders declines to cover, opting to pose instead, giving Jindrak & O'Haire a chance to grab headsets and breathe into them. Into the ropes, but Jamie-san clotheslines him. Desperation tag to - well, I didn't see, but both men come in and punch away on Sanders. Off the ropes, double back elbow ducked, Sanders with a double clothesline. Jamie-san thrown out of the ring at Meow's feet - she kicks him one as well. The boots are off! Sanders stomping away on Kaz as Yang appeals to Meow - and she slaps him one. Meow climbing to the top rope...leaping off with a modified Thesz press, then hooking a leg. 1, 2, 3. Ummm. (6:30) Jindrak & O'Haire hit the ring and punk out the Dragons as Meow...shouts.

TONIGHT: "Stacey, we need to know who the father is. Is the father Ric Flair? You know, I asked Ric and he didn't deny it."

Disqo tells Cat he pulled his tights on his way to suggesting matches for tonight. There's the iWatch logo! Cat says he'll make the match. "That's a nice suit, but your shoes don't match." "I tell you I can match 'em up with your ass, okay?"

Meanwhile, Russo tells a big black guy that he needs to wear the mask so the people won't know he's a ham'n'egger - he's a DESTROYER!! "When I go out there, everything I hit you with, you sell like a freight train is going through you, you got it? I hit you, you sell like a million bucks, okay? I'm the man, you sell, got it? Good, punk." Hey...doesn't it *thwart Russo's plan* if he **reveals his entire plan in front of a camera?**

Meanwhile, Disqo catches up with the rest of the Animals and tells them he's ready to make it up to them for Monday...he got them a #1 Contender's match for the Cruiserweight title - Rey wrestles Juvi, and the winner wrestles Elix. They're less than thrilled about the idea.

This portion of Thunder is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!

Time now for the Lava Lamp Lounge. THAT LAME GIMMICK AWESOME MULLET promises that tonight, his set won't get trashed, which pretty much guarantees that his set will get trashed. Monday, you might have learned, there'll be a Miss WCW Bikini Contest, and Awesome's got four of the contestants as guests - out come PAISLEY, TYGRYSS, MAJOR GUNNS and TORRIE SAMUDA. All five take the sofa. "I feel like Tony Orlando with a double dose of Dawn!" Gunns promises heavy artillery. Tygress promises an eyeful of stuff. Paisley says he'd make an Awesome judge. This devolves into mid-morning talk show fare but before they get to clawing, Awesome says there's plenty of the love doctor to go around - then NITRO GRRLS CHAEY & CHYQUYTA come out and say that *they'll* be in the contest. Oh, and Mike Awesome isn't a judge. The women shove him over the sofa and...wait for it...trash the set. WOW! WRESTLING!

NEXT: Vince Russo is WALKING!

GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Steiner, Midajah and the iWatch logo. "Mean Gene, you're so close to the truth, but you're still wrong. See, I not only beat Goldberg, I destroyed him! I not only beat Booker T, I had him crying like a little bitch when I had him in the Steiner Recliner. Now Sting, tonight, you're gonna find out I'm the physical phenomenon, I'm the only supernatural here in WCW, and I'll beat your ass too! Y'know frustrations running WILD - Midajah...I need a release, baby." And off they go to screw. I guess.

VIC VENOM v. ? - at Nitro, there'll be a battle royal to crown new tag team champions - they'll tell us more about this later, if ONLY we'd stay tuned! (It's gonna be difficult.) Russo (wearing his "I ride the short bus" helmet) hands ring announcer PAMELA PAULSHOCK a sheet of paper to read in introducing his opponent. "Ladies and gentlemen, making his WCW debut tonight is a man who will undoubtedly rise to the top of the industry like none other before him. His is the current intercontinental SHOOTfighting champion, the world wrestling titleholder, he led his country to the Olympic gold on twenty-eight separate occasions in weightlifting and wrestling events, introducing from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 320 pounds, THE MASKED HEEL!" Booker's old "Beaver Cleavage"-esque music plays for the heel. Borash slips the needle from "minor annoyance" to "wishing throat cancer." And this is the SECOND match so far? Russo is ready to offer the hands for a tie-up...but pulls away and struts. Lockup, to the corner, Russo with a poor man's chop. Another poor man's chop. Russo with the Hogan earcup - and another. The Heel begs off. Right hand, right, into the ropes, big boot. Russo removes the helmet - and the BROOKLYN shirt, revealing a Big Sexy shirt with no sleeves or neck - which Russo proceeds to tear in two, while displaying his mouthguard. Wacky legdrop. "Raise the roof" hand motions. The Heel pops up, suddenly deciding to no-sell. Russo doing jumping jacks, then turning round and seeing his opponent standing up. Crowd starts a "Stevie Ray" chant - think they know something? Russo tries a forearm - no movement from the Heel. Another forearm - no-sell. Russo whispers in his ear. Russo tosses the mouthpiece as Tony accuses Russo of "calling spots." Russo doing his Gillberg impersonation with his tongue. Here comes the spear - but the Heel is Like Irbe and Russo falls to the mat. Shove for the Heel - big slap. The Heel removes his mask - why, look, it's Stevie Ray. Russo begs off. Ray has him in the corner and produces his slapjack - into the (sizable) gut! Ray takes the mic. "Russo! The only reason I didn't crack your skull is because I want my brotha to recognise you next in your home town Uniondale, New York, and he gon' wipe the floor up with yo natural ass, sucka - now can u dig it?" Ray makes a Stevie Ray face and then takes off. BUT HE DIDN'T SAY FROOT BOOTY

TONIGHT: "Stacey, how many have there been? Can we count 'em on one hand? Two hands?"

Buff Bagwell - still missing in action, but they apparently still accept his WCW MasterCard

Russo tells Kronik and the iWatch logo that they'll go out there and destroy Stevie Ray or he'll fire both their asses. Can they dig it?

Meanwhile, the Animals proclaim their disgust for Disqo. Before they break out into big-time argument, they decide that the winner will have an easy time taking the title from Skipper, so why not do what they do best, go out, and rock the house.

TORRIE SAMUDA (with Franchise) v. PAISLEY (with The Kwee-wee) - In that big tag team battle royal Monday are Jindrak & O'Haire and the Jung Dragons. There's a big bikini contest Monday as well. Say, you don't think they're TRYING to load up the show - DO YA?? Franchise and the Kwee-wee join the commentators for approximately seven seconds. PERFECT EVENT come out and watch - presumably to refute rumours of an alternative lifestyle. And before anything *else* can happen, Paisley bridges Wilson for the pin. (0:54) Post-match, Paisley gets her ass Franchised. TYGRYSS comes out to try to help - but Franchise dumps HER as well. KONNAN is next out, saving Tygress from getting the Franchiser, into the ropes, tumblin' clothesline (or, if you're Tenay, the "rolling DDT") and "my balls are so big I MUST shake my shorts RIGHT NOW" I ask you, which burgeoning feud is worse for Franchise - Konnan...or The Kwee-wee? The answer, of course, and the most likely PPV blowoff (I think you'll agree) is a THREE-WAY INTERGENDER FEUD

Russo finds Mike Sanders and the TV-PG-DLV logo and asks if he's ready to kiss some major ass. "You know I am, Vince!" "Well, you stay close to me - I might have a job for you."

WCW Magazine ad #2

TEAM CANADA (with the iWatch logo) are out - Gunns has a folded American flag draped over her shoulder and Storm has a garbage can. Remember when they wanted to have Duggan renounce his citizenship after the Revolution beat him? By the way, he *can't* be television champion since Goldberg pinned him back in June. Now Booker T pinned Goldberg, but since that match was for the World Heavyweight title, it's possible the TV title wouldn't have been on the line...so does that make Scott Steiner the TV champion? I guess I should pore through the archives. Well, I'll have time for that after I'm dead. Maybe I'll just go ask tOA instead. "If I can be serious for a minute...as much as I didn't wanna leave Kitchener, Ontario, Monday night, I thought I owed it to ya. I owed you the opportunity to better yourself. If the poster boy for the USA, Hacksaw Jim Duggan can see the light, every one of you can as well. You know we're the better nation, you just need to accept it. Don't blame Canada...join Canada!" Would you say Duggan's joining of Team Canada is more like Goodfather...or Val Venis? "Shut your mouths! I must say, as the latest member of Team Canada, Hacksaw Jim Duggan has NO regrets, because you people forced me - you Americans turned your back on me. That's why I joined a country that's proud of its heroes! And what I did to General Rection and MIA at Monday Nitro - well, that had to be one of the greatest moments in Hacksaw Jim Duggan's career. That's why I chose that idiot to pass the torch - a torch that's fizzled out a long time ago! And though I vowed never to touch THAT again, one last time, I'm gonna take it and put it right where it belongs!" Before he can trash the flag, THE SECOND FAMILY comes out - well, Loco, Cajun and AWOL come out, anyway - all conspicously bandaged. You'd think they'd have a drum and fife while they were at it, but no. Duggan's 2x4 and Skipper's flagpole take care of them, but Rection appears from the crowd and surprises them from behind. Each man falls to a forearm. Rection takes the flag from Gunns and shields it with his body as he falls to the 2x4. Crowd chants "USA." But remember, no matter how much it devolves into cliche, it's *still* a "sophisticated storyline."

TONIGHT: "...starting to show a little bit. I guess you've probably taken yourself out of the WCW swimsuit competition next Monday on Nitro when we crown a Miss WCW."

Meanwhile, Mike Sanders is WALKING! Spotting a forklift, he smiles. "This is great!" And now he's DRIVING! The forklift is parked in front of Booker T's locker room. OH NO!

Gene O. has a chat with Jeff Jarrett and the iWatch logo. Okerlund busts out "blow it out your ass" again, and probably will every week thereafter. Jarrett blames Sting for his inability to get another title shot - THAT makes sense. Fun and games promised for tonight's main event.

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Boston Market TV dinners, America (ha!) Online, Hot Pockets from Hot Pockets, Tootsie candies, and Stone Street Cash Scam

STEVIE RAY v. KRONI>| - In that big tag team battle royal, the Harrisses and also Cajun & Loco. Two more teams to come. Stevie's still wearing the MASKED HEEL getup. Somebody's clock must have been off, because they somehow let a minute get away from this match. They're gonna High Time him on a chair - oh, no, they're gonna kick the chair away because they're CONFLICTED. Clearly, in terms of both workrate and storyline, this match has to join that very short list of possible candidates for MATCH OF THE YEAR. (High Time -> Clark pin 3:20)

Booker T pounds away on his door but, surprisingly, the forklift does not move.

Advance Auto Parts presents THIS WEEK IN WCW MOTORSPORTS! Meet Ben Home, the 81 Crew Chief - he ain't afraid to use a battery-operated sawzall in a fair fight.

Russo meets up with Kronik and the iWatch logo. He should fire them for not getting the job done, but he's got big plans for them, or something. They better not cross him again (OOH!)

Close captioning sponsored by Meineke!

RAYMOND STEREO (with De Joosy One, Konnan & Tygryss) v. DE JOOSY ONE (with Raymond Stereo, Konnan & Tygryss) in a #1 Contender's match - Konnan & Tygryss join the commentary team and if you've been watching Worldwide lately, I know you're probably wondering how Konnan can POSSIBLY work his "saw him serving me at the KFC" spot into THIS match. Maybe when talking about Elix Skipper? First, a brief prayer from the Juice. Rey fails to attack him from behind while in consulation with our Lord...oh well. Here we go! Rey leads some rhythmic clapping. Looking for a knucklelock, lotsa handslapping going on, Juice grabs one hand, their arms cross as they each grab the other, Guerrera spins him around for a waistlock, Mysterio out, Guerrera side headlock, powering out into the ropes, dropping down, up and over, Mysterio with a leapfrog as Guerrera continues to run the ropes, reversal is reversed and here goes Mysterio, Guerrera leapfrog, dropping down, Mysterio dives over and tumbles through as Guerrera nips up, Mysterio sidesteps the charge and hits an armdrag. Phew! Mysterio holds the arm a moment, then moves to an attempt at a press, holding both hands in a knucklelock. Guerrera bridges to avoid a count from referee "Blind" Charles Robinson, then holds fast as Mysterio puts all his body weight on him. Mysterio ready to try again, but Guerrera puts the feet up and rolls to his feet. Their fingers are STILL laced - Guerrera jumps, puts his feet on Mysterio's abdomen and drops down for a monkey flip - but Mysterio holds on and lands on his back. Guerrera rolls backwards, but Mysterio puts up HIS feet and they both roll back to their feet. *Mysterio* tries the monkey flip - and Guerrera holds on! Stalemate. Both men refuse to let go of the hands, so Robinson drops down for a double count - 1, 2, DOUBLE BRIDGE!! They each roll onto the stomachs, and now both are on their feet - and STILL holding the knucklelock. Guerrera with a kick in the gut, Mysterio kicks back. Now letting go with his left hand and swinging him around with his right and trying a waistlock - forearm to the back, German suplex attempt but Guerrera lands on his feet. Mysterio ducks a clothesline, hooks an arm and puts Guerrera across his back, hooking his leg and clasping his hands to complete the backbreaker. Konnan points out that that's one of Gory Guerrero's moves. Guerrera slowly shifts his body weight and Mysterio lets go of the arm - Guerrera landing on his feet, turning, and seamlessly dropping Mysterio down with a DDT. Both men slow to get up - and Mysterio has a shove for Guerrera. "Hey, man, I thought there wasn't gonna be no head droppin' tonight!" Guerrera shoves back. "You have forgotten my nonstop juicy action!" (Actual conversation may have varied.) We cut to a crowd shot because something cool needed to be edited out, and when we come back, Mysterio kicks Guerrera in the gut (I guess - we only get a closeup of Juvi's face), Juvi fires back with a chop, another chop, into the opposite corner, splash misses, but the back elbow is up. Guerrera runs...into a drop toehold. Mysterio going for La Magistral but Guerrera rolls it early and gets a 2 count. Mysterio with more words - heated discussion - double shove. Off the ropes, double clothesline and they're both down. Robinson puts on the count as the crowd claps. At 5, both men are up - Mysterio shove, Guerrera's clothesline ducked, Mysterio right, right, into the ropes is reversed, Mysterio springs off the bottom rope...but is caught on the shoulder. Mysterio manages to wriggle free, though - waistlock applied. Running to the ropes, Guerrear holds on and Mysterio tumbles backwards by himself. Top rope springboard dropkick by Guerrera and Mysterio has rolls outside. Guerrera poses on the ropes...then moves to the apron to try to follow up. Mysterio sees him and walks to another side of the ring. Guerrera back in, running the ropes - Mysterio steps back and Guerrera decides to do a flip and bounce his legs off the top rope back into the ring. But here comes a pescado! Both men stay down following the collision out on the floor. Idiot in the front row is very clearly audible: "You'll never work for McMahon! Juvi, you suck! Get back to the Power Plant! You will never, EVER, work for McMahon! You are awful!" Sad thing is, THAT guy probably considers himself "a smart." Mysterio makes it back in the ring first. Guerrera coming back in, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, Guerrera puts the boots up, Mysterio grabs them, puts one on either side of his head and pulls backwards, powerbombing Guerrera down. Broncobuster? Sure, why not. Mysterio poses on the second rope above the fallen Guerrera. Guerrera out on the apron. Mysterio coming back to him, but catching a knee as he goes through the ropes. Guerrera hops over the ropes, meeting Mysterio in the corner and landing on the second rope. Ten Punch Count Along goes eight - must be the exchange rate. JUVI SHAKE! Guerrera pulls Mysterio to the centre of the ring - got him up...BRAINBUSTER! Guerrera covers - 1, 2, Mysterio rolls the shoulder. Juvi positions Mysterio's arms for a Juvi Elbow. Into the ropes, duck, Rey up for a crucifix, swinging around, that doesn't stop until he spins into a headscissors and there's a SWEET huracanrana. Guerrera rolls outside to catch a breath - Mysterio into the ropes- trademark spin in the ropes - now with his back to the ropes, flipping over the top rope, catching Guerrera in *another* flying headscissors - out on the floor! Rey playfully thrusts his crotch at the lout in the front because he CAN. Juvi rolled back in the ring - Mysterio motioning to the crowd - springing off the top - Guerrera catches him in a powerbomb that FOLDS HIM LIKE A CARD TABLE. Oh MAN that looked spine-TINGLING. I don't know HOW he kicks out of *that.* Guerrera goes out to the apron and motions to the crowd - springing in - big splash - 1, 2, NO! Bad cover there. Into the ropes, Rey slides under, waistlock by Guerrera, standing switch, back elbow by Guerrera, another elbow, Rey spins him around and throws forearms, Mysterio with the waistlock, Guerrera tries to bend over and drop down, Mysterio grabs the arms between Guerrera's legs and upends him, jumps over him, laces the legs and bridges backwards - 1, 2, NO!! Rey with two forearms, trying for the quebrada but Guerrera catches him - JUVI DRIVER! Hooking a leg - 1, 2, NO! Mysterio rolls his body weight backwards and has the leverage to kick out. Guerrera going for a powerbomb, but Mysterio rolls through and lands on his feet. Oh no, one of his horns has fallen off! Gutshot, going for a powerbomb of his own - Guerrera powerbombed down, but he grabs Mysterio's head and flips his body over, then leans forward and hooks both legs - 1, 2, 3!!! (8:35) I ENJOY WRESTLING. I don't CARE who's the daddy. I hope this *does* get the highest ratings of the show and maybe it'll flip a switch in SOMEONE'S mind that PUTTING GOOD WRESTLING ON A WRESTLING SHOW IS A GOOD IDEA. Hey, one good match on Thunder is great - but you still got fifteen other quarter hours of CRAP, don'tcha? Anyway, Guerrera is the #1 Contender and will take on Skipper (and, with any luck, win the title) Monday. Tygress and Konnan hit the ring to congratulate both men. Mysterio and Guerrera hug as DISQO (and his duck) come out - nobody has anything for Disqo - Tygress holds up a hand for him to talk to. Konnan decks him. Now all four are getting shots in on him. That split is a final, folks. Disqo tells them that this ain't over....

TONIGHT: "What kind of an individual would impregnate an innocent twenty year old like yourself that was headed to the wedding altar with David Flair?" "It's not like that--" "*Who's* not like that?"

Gene O. stands with Sting and the iWatch logo. He's ticked off at "Jeffrey." He's got a game plan. It is showtime. Folks.

Promotional consideration paid for by the WCW Nitro trading card game, Boston Market homestyle meals (again), Corn Nuts, America (again!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, and Tootside candies (again)

3 COUNT v. HARRYS BROTHYRZ - Tonight's song is "Can't Get You Outta My Heart." Don't you LOVE it when people fall over themselves to condemn something that they SWEAR is soon going to be on TV...and yet, we DON'T see it because it DOESN'T air? I'm talking specifically about "Tank Sinatra," here. Tag team battle royal news - 3 Count and the ICP are the final two teams in that battle royal for the titles Monday. Oh, good, I was worried that there wouldn't be an odds-on favourite, but now that I know that the Insane Clown Posse is in it... So Evan Karagias hits a backslide on Heavy D and while referee "Blind" Mickie Jay counts a fall, Shane Helms drops a leg on the back of D's head....breaking the count. The brains, they do not work. Rather than recap the action, I'll instead say "this was no Mysterio/Guerrera" and leave it at that. Oh, and Shannon doesn't do ANYTHING in this match. Finish sees the Harrisses, having dominated for the better part of half this match, eschew the H bomb in favour of finding the "chain-wrapped bat," but before they can use it, KRONI>| are out, then MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE are out - Jay calls for the bell (relaxed DQ 3:00) - RAYMOND STEREO & DE JOOSY ONE come out - the JUNG DRAGONS come out - LT. LOCO & CPL. CAJUN come out - MY GOD! IT'S A PREVIEW OF MONDAY NIGHT! Now I can't WAIT for A GIANT CLUSTER and the fact that we *don't* see the ICP should automatically make them a GUARANTEE to win

NEXT: "David, I just wanna say I am so sorry. The last couple days, you know, I've been sittin' around just thinking about all the good times that we've had - and it was just a mistake."

Bring up the iWatch logo - it's time for Earlier Today, Mike Tenay's much-hyped sitdown with STACEY KEIBLER. Stacey, at your request I've brought the WCW camera crew here to let you offer up an explanation for your actions. We've all seen it recently on Nitro when you left your fiancee David Flair at the altar, and then you proceeded to drop the bombshell that David was not the father of your yet to be born child. Stacey, this is your chance to talk to the world and to David.

David, I just wanna say I am so sorry. The last couple days, you know, I've been sittin' around just thinking about all the good times that we've had - and it was just a mistake, and I - I just - I love you, and I hope that you wanna forgive me, and work things out--

Wait wait a minute. You love him and you're asking him for forgiveness? This is the same person that you've slept around on, obviously. And Stacey, we've seen you on WCW TV dressed in the shortest miniskirt that I've ever seen. The way that you provocatively climb into the ring and dance...hell, you even come down to the broadcast position and climb up on the broadcast table while we're trying to announce a match. You know, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a married man and that I have some morals, I probably would have taken a shot. Stacey, we need to know who the father is. Is the father Ric Flair? You know, I asked Ric and he didn't deny it.

...

Stacey, how many have there been? Can we count 'em on one hand? Two hands? What's the over/under, Stacy?

It was just one! It was just one, that's all.

Well, Stacey, I apologise if maybe the question got a little out of hand there. But it was just one? It was only one? Who was that one?

You know, Mike, it's - it's really none of your business.

Who are you trying to protect here, Stacey? What kind of an individual would impregnate an innocent twenty year old like yourself that was headed to the wedding altar with David Flair?

It's not like that--

*Who's* not like that, Stacey? Stacey, I see you're starting to show a little bit. I guess you've probably taken yourself out of the WCW swimsuit competition next Monday on Nitro when we crown a Miss WCW. I guess the upside for you, though, is you're probably going to be the most popular person in your Lamaze class - even if you're there all alone.

Mike, it's not my fault. I'm the victim here.

You feel like you're the victim? No, there's two victims - David Flair and that unborn child. What you're feeling is guilt. (she walks off) Yeah, and - and save those tears for somebody who gives a damn. Boy, she's gonna make a terrific mother.

NEXT: Jarrett and Steiner are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Sting is WALKING!

Meanwhile, some schlub is WALKING! "Who the hell moved this thing? I've been looking for it all day!" And he drives the forklift away. OH MAN THIS IS SOME CLEVER ASS STORYTELLING

When we come back, VIC VENOM has joined the commentary team. He's got his bat and helmet and he hopes he doesn't have to use them on that iWatch logo up there. During this next match, he's gonna drop a bombshell. Wait for it.

WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah, a lead pipe and a mace canister) v. JEDOUBLER JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. (THIS IS) STING in a Three-Way Dance - "Cut the music! You know I find great satisfaction in being the man to make Goldberg quit! I find great satisfaction for me being the man of running Ru- Bill Goldberg out of wrestling! One night at Fall Brawl I'm beating up Bill Goldberg, the very next night I got Booker T in the Steiner Recliner, he's unconscious, he don't know where he's at! So Booker T you better recognise that I'm the man, not you. There's no mystery, there's no drama, as far as you saying 'save the drama for your momma,' the only drama there is you don't know who she is!" By the way, why didn't they explain how Steiner could no-sell a MACING? Steiner pounds him off the apron before he even gets in the ring. Whip into the barricade is reversed. Sting in the ring, Jarrett tries to get him some, into the ropes is reversed, hiptoss by Sting, clothesline, clothesline for Steiner, right for Jarrett, Steiner from behind to take control. Head in the buckle. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Sting off the ropes with a face to the mat. Atomic drop for Jarrett. Call to the crowd. Ten Punch Count Along for Steiner stops at six - he springs off to clothesline Jarrett. Sting whips Jarrett into Steiner - or tries....it's reversed, Steiner catches Sting and hits the belly-to-belly. Jarrett stomp, Steiner stomp, Jarrett stomp, Steiner with a backbreaker across the knee. Jarrett drops a fist, again, Steiner stomps. Russo announces that the title match Monday will be in Caged Heat. Steiner drops an elbow for 2. Steiner argues with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman while Jarrett stomps. Also, Russo's gonna throw Booker T. off the top of the cage. Oh boy, I sure wanna see Russo do THAT! Into the ropes, Sting ducks a double clothesline, misses a double clothesline, and gets double clotheslined out of the ring. Here comes...A BLACK SCOPRION?? No, it's actually Booker T in white facepaint and Sting tights. Geez, that's kinda bizarre. Right for Jarrett, right for Steiner, Jarrett in the ropes, Harlem sidekick, ducking a Steinerline, Harlem sidekick for Steiner. Jarrett put into the opposite corner - Stinger splash! Stinger splash for Steiner! Gutshot for Jarrett, now you stay doubled over down there until I can hit the AXE KICK! T breakdances up as Sting comes back in the ring. I was waiting for one of them to turn here, but no, they're working as a team. Sting has Jarrett in the ring while T has Steiner outside on the floor. Stinger splash for Jarrett! Ready for the Scorpion Death Drop - but Russo has the helmet on and he's rarin' to swing the bat. Sting drops Jarrett and catches Russo with a kick - he drops the bat. Sting puts *Russo* in the Scorpion Deathlock - but Russo manages to hold on long enough for Jarrett to go get a gee-tar and Kabong Sting. Silverman calls for the bell. (relaxed DQ 3:16 - hmmm) T hits the ring and punches Jarrett, right, into the ropes, holding on, reversal, Book End...doesn't happen as Steiner comes back in with the lead pipe. Simultaneous figure four on Sting/Steiner Recliner on Booker T. The two Stings are left laying as the three members of the NW-- of the "Band" raise their arms in triumph. Credits are up, and for Scott Hudson, this is CRZ saying "good night!"