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/4 October 2000

WCW Thunder




I GET LETTERS: Mighty fine Worldwide Recapper For Another Major Site The Cubs Fan offers this addition to my guide to Konnan's commentary: You forget "[mentions ex-WCW luchador, who's working elsewhere now, drawing a moment of silence as Tony and Mike have no idea how to respond"] Namedropping Psychosis AND Hector Garza takes effort.

Let's make this quick, I'm coughing up all KINDS of stuff over here.

Hey, you know how they made such a huge deal Monday out of Thunder starting at 6:35 due to NASCAR? They pounded it into our heads - "half hour late, half hour late, half hour late."

Thunder actually started at 6:24. Oops.

Still, let's note well this about the Charlotte qualifying. The WCW driver, Wally Dallenbach, was down around 24th. Last year's WCW driver, Jerry Nadeau, freed from the albatross of racing for WCW, qualified third. Probably just a coincidence, though, right?

"The following programme is a TBS Superstation Original Series!"

Three bells for Bill "Klondike" Soloweyko (1931-2000)

TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo

Outside, the Natural Born Thrillers are WALKING! They are approached by Franchise, Torrie Wilson and the close captioning logo. While Torrie occupies the attention of six guys, Franchise catches up to Mike Sanders and starts sucking up. What's his angle? Perhaps we'll find out...TONIGHT!

Opening Credits - I see Saturn!

Light the PYRO - we are on tape from the Long Beach Civic Center in Long Beach, CA (Slogan: "We're a Major League roller hockey, anyway") 4.10.2K (taped 3.10) and fresh off one of the lowest-rated Nitro's in history...

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET walks to the ring as Stevie Ray tells us he can no longer interfere in matches lest he be terminated. Tonight, the Halloween Havoc main event will be announced! Maybe there'll be some wrestling too - we'll see. "Now there's a reason that the Chosen One is kickin' this show off tonight, and that's because I have a few words to say about Sting. Oh yeah, your big hero - that mime wannabe who's running around here trying to convince you people that he still has what it takes to get the job done. The fact is, the Chosen One doesn't mind speakin' the truth when it's about Sting, because HE is finished, HE is done, Sting is washed UP! Ten years ago, when he was the blonde Sting with the colourful face paint, now that was a different story. That was before he lost his love for this great business. That was back when he gave a damn. Today, he is a mere ghost of who he once was. Need any proof, my little slapasses? Well, why don't you watch Nitro again, because even with Scott Steiner by his side - Big Poppa Pump was his partner, and he STILL couldn't beat the Chosen One. As a matter of fact, I think the time has come for Sting to finally step aside. Now I know he's been the man around here for some forty years, but not today. The fact is, in the year 2000, he can't carry the Chosen One's jockstrap! So Sting, I'm finnaly gonna expose the fraud that you are at Halloween Havoc - that's right, Marcel Marceau, on October 29th, MGM, Las Vegas, Nevada, it's me and you one on one. If it's gonna take me embarrassing you to make you realise that you're just a mere shell of your former self, so be it! So Sting...what the hell are you doin' out here? Nobody invited you to this Thunder party! If you gotta come down - come on down here, get in the ring and tell me man to man what you've gotta say." Yeah, that's BEETLEJUICE and we're starting off on a high point tonight. "Listen here, you." Jarrett tells him to stand up - and come in the ring if he wants to talk to him. Jarrett also reminds him that he's the Chosen One. "Now, what would you got to say about me?" "I am the Chosen One and you have no business in this ring." Why'd he invite him there? "Yeah, you come across here and you find out. I'm the Chosen One! Who's the best? Superman's the best! Superman's the best!" "What the hell are you smokin'?" "I'm gonna smoke you." "You want some of me?" "I'm gonna smoke you." "Well put that mic down and show me what you got." He hits a double bicep. Man, that's one ugly mofo. "I guess you're gonna strut your stuff then, huh?" So he struts. "You, I'm drawin' the line, so I'm just daring you to cross it, come on! C'mon, gimme your best shot. C'mon, Juice! C'mon!" Jarrett holds down his head and all the punches miss - the kick to the shin lands, though, as does the kick to the back of the thigh. Jarrett, angered, takes him down and signals for the figure four.

Backstage, Booker T watches this - he's ready to go save anotha brotha, but Scott Steiner surprises him with several pipe shots.

When we come back to the ring, (THIS IS) STING has shown up and now he and Jarrett are fighting - back up the aisle, where a fan in a Sting mask beats up Sting with a baseball bat. SECURITY rushes the guy and removes the find THE FRANCHISE. They let him go because, while it's downright WRONG for a fan to beat up on a wrestler, it's perfectly OKAY if it's another wrestler! We look back to the ring where Beetlejuice is in a figure four. Quick, let's take an ad break.

When we come back, Booker T is strapped to a gurney and being loaded in an ambulance. Stevie Ray is ready to go to the hospital with him, but T asks him to stay here and take care of his business.

Meanwhile, Scott Steiner is committing random acts of violence to various inert objects. Midajah walks into the room and asks what the heck he's doing. Steiner says he's just letting off some steam. She says he can't do this every night...she's got an idea. She leaves Steiner to continue to trash the dressing room.

Halloween Havoc ad

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN comes to the ring to the Canadian national anthem. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where A-Wall and Duggan brawled around. Stevie Ray is back with the announce team. "Shut yer moooooooouth! Because a REAL Canadian hero, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, is here to show you people about Canadian superiority! So make your move, baby! Ever since I joined Team Canada, I've found a better way of life! And you people should quit fightin' it and join me and the rest of Team Canada for a better, more simple way of life! I said shut yer mouth! Take a look at your flag - fifty stars, representing fifty states, on a sea of blue, with stripes goin' every which way - and then take a look at the Canadian flag - a Maple leaf - a SIMPLE maple leaf that symbolises the unity of our Canadian people! Now, don't make me mad! I didn't come here for no fight--" "Too bad, old man, because that's what I came here for!" Do Duggan's descriptions of Team Canada sound like the better life promised by the Right to Censor, or is it just me?"

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN v. SGT. A-WALL (with table) - "Your boys are in the back, my boys are in the back, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna take that maple leaf...I'm gonna take that maple leaf, and shove it r(ight up your ass). They brawl outside the ring, they brawl inside the ring, I'm waiting for the Reno run-in. Later tonight, a special sitdown with the Misfits in Action! WOW! 25 days until Halloween Havoc! A-Wall listens to Skinny Puppy - pats told me to remind you they're a *Canadian* band. Hacksaw is the master of the low blow! After throwing out Duggan, A-Wall sets up the table in the ring. Outside for a field goal kick - Duggan lands on the commentary table. Stevie Ray: "He just tried to attack me! I've got to defend myself!" No dice. In case you're wondering what that airbrushed-out sign says, it said (and I'm not kidding here) "BRING BACK OWEN HART" Back in the ring - Duggan ducks a punch - but he's got him in the choke - Duggan elbows out. Whip, A-Wall holds on - gutshot, running to the OTHER rope, where coincidentally RENO is standing with a kendo stick. Clothesline by Duggan - but only gets 2! Duggan rips off A-Wall's shirt, then hits him with it. Right, right, into the opposite corner - A-Wall puts up a boot - punches the chair Reno wanted to hit him with - then gets surprised by a Duggan bodyslam through the table. Duggan goes ahead and drops an elbow on his way to covering for the pin. (4:12) See, Reno and A-Wall have a return match for the hardcore title at Halloween Havoc, so it only makes SENSE that Reno would interfere on behalf of Team Canada. RIGHT?

Backstage, Midajah tells Sanders Steiner wants fresh match. "I thought this match would fit perfectly in YOUR show." Oh, there's the iWatch logo - I think I missed one of those earlier, but I don't think EITHER of us wants me to go back and check.

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with the Stinger - he tells "Little Slappy Jeffrey" thta he'll see him at Halloween Havoc. As for tonight, he wants to HURT somebody, so...Franchise, it's showtime!

WCW Magazine ad

"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS makes his way to ringside while Tony shills iWatch Wednesday. I wonder how in synch it is with tonight's show if it didn't actually start on time. Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where Mike Sanders won the Cruiserweight title. "You people have got to admit, since Mr. Russo put me in charge, things are reallly shapin' up. I mean, Nitro and Thunder goin' through the roof, baby! Let's face it - Natrual Born Thrillers - tag team champs, Jindrak & O'Haire - Reno, the Hardcore champ, and I myself, *singlehandedly* defeated Mr. Prime Time for the Cruiserweight belt. Y'know what, though, I'm not gonna take all the credit for this - I mean, Mr. Russo has got to be a genius, and in some people's eyes, even a god. I mean, to put Goldberg back on a winning streak - THAT is ratings. And Mr. Russo, with all due respect, sir, I have found a way to one-up you. I have found a way to end Goldberg's streak, and get him outta WCW forever. Earlier today, I signed a match for Goldberg and an opponent at Halloween Havoc, or should I say 'the night the streak DIES.'" KRONI>| make their way out at this point. Oh yeah, THE NARCISSIST is in the crowd - at least, a few minutes ago, he was. No wait, he's still there - hey, he's blocking the aisle! Fire hazard! Without a word, the go to give him High Times...but put him down - oh, they're all friends. "Bill, you may be a monster, but brother, you ain't two monsters, and that's for DAMN sure." Are these two guys Goldberg's opponent at Havoc? And why are Kronik suddenly heels? AND....does anybody care? Three corner pose, let's take an ad break.

Paulshock stands with Team Canada. This is Skipper's house, and he built this house. He ain't even gonna sweat that loss on Monday, OR that iWatch logo! "Sanders, just in case you DON'T know, Canadian rules state I get first dibs at the belt, so any time, any place, it's gon' be YOU--" Storm takes the mic. "That's right, Prime Time here has been good enough to step aside and give me that first rematch - a chance to win the belt for him one more time. So Sanders, get ready - that belt's gcoming home to Team Canada!" Skipper gives a what the hell.

Meanwhile, David Flair and some other guy are WALKING!

JUNG DRAGONS (with Leia Meow) v. WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) in a handicap match - sometimes, it would just make you want to cry...if you still cared. Tony: "You know you can't get involved - just be a speculator out here." Oh, apparently the Midajah/Meow "issue" was advanced as well - but this is a TV-PG show, so we didn't really see it. (Steiner Recliner on Jamie-san AND Kaz 2:40)

Konnan is brought to the Thrillers - Sanders tells him his status to work in America has been brought into question, and hands him a paper to ready. I thought Carlos was a white guy from Jersey? Apparently, Shane Douglas brought the complaint. "I'm an American citizen and I don't have to show you JACK!" Well, that should settle THAT question. But there's two guys from "the border patrol" (not THAT Border Patrol, come on) standing between Konnan and the door. They won't let him go get his passport to show to them, because he's "a flight risk." RIIIIIIIGHT. Sanders tells Konnan he's SOL. Take a drink!

Meanwhile, Paulshock stands with the rest of the not-the-Filthy-Animals-because-Disqo-fired-them. Mysterio asks Tygress to go get K-Dogg's papers. Paulshock turns to the matter of match three in their best-of-five series. Mysterio says it's tied at one (huh? Ohhhh...retroactive decision), and before Guerrera can say "juicy," the Franchise surprises these two with big baseball bat swings. Words for Konnan, words for Sting.

Next Wednesday, Thunder emanates from Sydney, Australia! Think it'll affect the quality of the show? Why ELSE would they keep mentioning it?

Our commentary team is TONY SCHIAVONE, MIKE TENAY & SAY FROOT BOOTY ALREADY. Think Thunder's been hot so far? (No!) Well, just stay tuned! (NOOOOO!) Stevie Ray is continuing to be cool. "Scott Steiner's day is coming."

Another look at Lex Luger in the crowd. Ray announces that it's time for his segment, "Suckas Need to Know."

Stevie Ray walks over to Luger to interview him. Ray wants to know why he's been sitting in the crowd "week after week after week" (aka "last Monday and tonight"). "Stevie, are you, like, really talking to me? Is this WCW television? Because, you know, I'm not on the active roster anymore. Is this a sanctioned interview or a non-sanctioned interview, Stevie?" "Package, this is between me and you...and I know there's five thousand (!!!) viewers out there right now that wanna know, wassup witchoo man, what's the deal? I mean, last week, you run in the ring, you help Russo, and hell, that sucka didn't even know it!" Schiavone: "(There's about three million viewers.)" "Remember, I got a bad rep around here, you could get in trouble for this interview. Is this all right with you? Is this on TV now?" "This is on TV now, brotha - this is my segment." "Well, you see, Stevie - such as yourself, I sat home week in and week out NOT on the active roster here in WCW while I have to sit through a bunch of garbage of no-talent, wannabe, no-name wrestlers...and I'm sayin' to myself, why aren't I wrestling on WCW anymore? Don't I look good enough? I don't think so. Aren't I big enough? I don't think so? Aren't I talented enough? I don't think so. But then it finally hit me...backstabbing and sucking up is what gets guys ahead in this company now, not talent and not wrestling anymore, and you know what? If that's how you get ahead in this company, then I can do it better than the best of them." "You know, Lex, that's all fine and dandy, but you know...suckas got to know: who's side are you really on? Can you please tell me that, Package?" "Well, that's a very simple question. I'm on Lex Luger's side now, I take care of myself." "You know, we all know your credentials, Lex. We all know you've been a heavyweight champion numerous times, you've been a tag team champion, brotha, it speaks for itself. The Package is on the one. But hey, I just wanna bring up one guy, if it's okay witchoo, Package. I wanna know what is the deal wit'choo and General Rection. You go into a match and tell a guy you're gonna be his tag team partner, you're gonna be his friend - ten minutes later, he's up and your shoulders in the Rack. You wanna speak about that?" GENERAL RECTION is walking out through the crowd. "Absolutely, Stevie. And I know you can relate to this, too. Now, when I go out there, I'm kicked out of WCW, I'm not active, so I've got a match, but you've gotta understand, just like you said, my reputation...multi-world champion, multi-world tag team champion, multi-US heavyweight champion - I haven't been shown any respect around here at all! Now, as far as Hugh Morrus goes, he's a fine grappler. But in the big scheme of things, in the upper stratosphere of wrestling, what Hugh Morrus, formerly called, now General Rection - what's up with that name, General Rection - Total Package wrestling with General Rection? You've got to be kidding me. He was used in that match simply as a prop for Total Package to make a statement." "A prop?" "A prop. Because when it comes to wrestling - General Rection will never be able to get near the level - he will never touch the Total Package." At this point, Rection takes him over the rail and beats him up around ringside. "Hey...guess he better touch him!" He tries to go up the ramp and out...but security's there. They CAN'T let a guy not on the roster use the ramp! "You know, I found out one thing - that Lex Luger must be very good friends with Zane Bresslof with those tickets that he's getting."

When we come back, Guerrera and Mysterio hold their shins. Konnan's got a plan, though. Amazingly, Mysterio makes a motion, and Konnan PUSHES BACK THE CAMERA so that it can stay a secret!

Meanwhile, Mike Awesome brings out Crowbar and the iWatch logo. "That's Fred Sanford!" And now, they're...sort of...WALKING!

Buff Bagwell carries the awesome power of the card.

Let's Take A Special Video Look at Goldberg. Hey, look, Flyboy Rocco Rock! Lodi! Glacier! They ALL fall to Goldberg!

Paulshock stands with Kronik. Clark says the days of Kronik sitting back and waiting are over. They're up for the highest bidder, and unfortunately for Goldberg, the highest bidder was Mike Sanders...and the iWatch logo. Adams: "You see, Pam, here in WCW, basically we have two types of wrestlers - you got Kronik, and you got everybody else. Okay? Now, if you're to buy Kronik...Kronik can make you happy. Kronik can make you feel good. But Kronik's very expensive. Mike Sanders, he doesn't own us; in fact, nobody owns us. But Bill Goldberg, at Halloween Havoc, we own you. And after we take that last hit, and the smoke is cleared, you will know why it's all about Kronik." Hey, what's he talking about again? Shouldn't somebody be picketing this?

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Tootsie candies, America (ha!) Online, Geico, Geico (again), and WCW Nitro playing card game

WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: LANCE STORM (with Team Canada) v. MIKE SANDERS (with Natyryl Born Thryllyrz) - Hey, lookit that guy flipping the bird - you see him? He's behind that big DOT they're trying to airbrush away. "If I can be serious for a minute, I'm in an uncharacteristic bad mood. Monday night, my man Prime Time got ripped off by Mike Sanders and the Natural Born Thrillers. Well tonight, I right a wrong. Tonight, I bring the gold back to Canada. Tonight, I defeat yet another inept American - all rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem!" Stevie Ray is the first guy to talk over the anthem - SHAME! A quick check shows two guys standing and Stevie Ray not. "I can't believe you're embarrassing me like this." Anthem actually goes the full (1:15) - Tony: "Must be running short tonight." Nine folks around ringside - gee, you THINK there'll be some clusterness going on? Major Gunns steals the hammer and rings the bell, causing Storm to think there was a submission and letting go of the Maple Leaf - but referee "Blind" Mark Johnson says nope, you're a victim of shenanigans. Storm goes out and over to argue with Gunns as the SECOND FAMILY runs out. Just when you think Storm will actually get counted out of the ring, he's back in to be rolled up by Sanders. WHAT A PUSH!! (4:36) Rection yuks it up as we go to break.

Advance Auto Parts presents "This Week in WCW Motorsports!" Auto racing isn't about crashes - it's all about SAFETY. Look for a Ric Flair paint job at last place!

Backstage, Franchise talks with Jarrett.

Mike Tenay sits down with THE SECOND FAMILY (and the iWatch logo).
Strength in numbers has always been recognised as one of the most effective battleplans in the world of sports entertainment, and certainly today in WCW, among the factions making their presence felt loud and clear, the MIA - the Misfits in Action, led by General Rection, and...Bill DeMott, I know it's been a long road for you here in WCW and actually before then. You made your name internationally in Mexico and Japan as Crash the Terminator, plus for years here in WCW as Hugh Morrus.

Rection: Mike, uh, as far as my name goes, I'd appreciate it if you address me with the name that was thrown upon me, and that's General Rection. That's the way I choose to be addressed from now on. As far as sports entertainment, as far as my longevity in this business, what's entertaining, Mike, let me ask you. What's entertaining about not being able to read a street sign or see who's fifty yards past ya? What's entertaining about not being able to walk, or taking 25 minutes getting out of bed every day, because this is what I love to do, and never complain, and come down - come down that stage without the pyro the guys get, without the music the other guys get, without the attention everybody else gets - what's entertaining about walking around crippled and doctors telling you to retire a year ago this month because of brain damage? That's not sports entertainment, Mike. There's more than entertainment here, this is a love for the business.

General Rection, you've always been recognised as one of the most determined, one of the most dedicated individuals in World Championship Wrestling.

But Mike, that's where you're wrong. You just introduced the Misfits. This isn't about an individual. These are four guys in front of this camera, in front of you - when we leave this arena, when we go home, we're in touch. When we're not, we're in the gym, we eat together, we sleep together. This is about individuals, no. This is a group. It's about Chavo Guerrero...

That's Lt. Loco.

It's about Jerry Tuth.

Sgt. A-Wall.

It's about Lash LeRoux.

Corp. Cajun.

It's about myself - General Rection.

Guys, you've put those individual goals aside in recent weeks to form a unity - a bond, to bring the Misfits to the top in WCW.

Loco: You wanna talk about unity, we got together as a unit because we had to. We had no other choice. The people in the back, this was the best thing they could think of - or I'm sorry, the most TIME they could put into this gimmick was the MIA's. You look at every guy here and what you see is passion - it's passion for this business. We go into that ring every night and we'll give 100%. It's not walkin' down to the ring, "Well, I'm not, I'm not happy with who I'm wrestling tonight" or "I'm not happy with what's going on," every segment we're on, we're givin' it 100%. We try to have the best match or the best segment on the show every single night, and that's from every one of these guys. Whether it's an individual, as a group, you're gonna see a great segment every time we're out there. And that's where we went and just stuck it right to the guys in the back, because we got over, and if you don't wanna believe me, you look at the ratings.

Cajun: Let me tell you something, Mike Tenay, the reason why this thing works is because you're looking at four guys that have the same mindset, they have the same heart, the same passion, the same drive when it comes to this business. We go out there in the ring, we give it all we've got and then we give some more. I mean, you're looking at a guy here, the guy can barely walk all the years he's put into this business. This guy, he's put plenty years into this business, the bumps, you know, the shots to the head - this guy, maybe not so much time but he's left that much heart, that much blood, that, that many body parts in that ring also, and you know what? I may only be 23 years old, I may have less than two years in this sport, but I've got enough sense to listen to these guys to follow their lead. And, and because of that, that's the reason when we go out there, no matter what anybody else says, what the fans think, know...what the people on the Internet say, we go out there and we have some of the best matches that are had anywhere. And I'm not just talking about this company, I'm talking about in this business, period. And we walk back through that curtain, and whether the fans believe it or not, you know, we may be the unsung heroes, but everybody back there knows that we're the workhorses of WCW, they know that we're the foundation, that we're the reason why the people that are shining, that's the reason why they can shine is because we're unselfish, we give them what's not being given to us.

General Rection, you've been haunted by one word your entire career: potential. And in the minds of many people, that potential has be unrealised.

Rection: What, what's "potential" supposed to mean, Mike? The potential to show up and do your job that you get paid for? The reason you work so hard in Japan and Mexico and Puerto Rico for $25 and a eight-hour pay for your gas, is that potential? Or is it potential to sit in the back there with a big smile and expect to keep everybody else happy and, and - and try to make believe you're happy with your job? My potential is untapped. This group's potential has been untapped. Potential means nothing. Nothing now, nothing in this conversation, and nothing in the back.

That dedication and determination that we spoke about earlier has certainly been put to the test in recent weeks. First by a man who was very close to you - and not just here in WCW, but away from the ring as well...I'm talking about Hacksaw Jim Duggan. And then last week on Thunder, you were swerved by your so-called tag team partner, Lex Luger.

What am I supposed to say about Jim Duggan? Who - who here knows that my kids grew up with his kids, his wife and my wife the best of friends, or they were the best of friends? One of the highlights of my career, the passing of the flag. The...the USA, to represent the country and to take over what Duggna's been doing for twenty plus years, and to have him stab me in the back. Well, good for him, a little longevity, a little "potential" for Jim Duggan - where's that leave me? Where does that leave my kids at night wanting to know why Uncle Jim laid Daddy out again, and why Daddy's knees don't work. Where's the potential in that, Mike? As far as Lex Luger, oh yeah, welcome back, Lex, we missed ya - hope you had a nice time sittin' home watchin' what these four guys have been doin'. What we've been doin' for three months while you've been home - welcome back and stab me in the back - is that potential?

You still have unfinished business left with Team Canada in general and Lance Storm in particular. You get that shot at Lance Storm at Halloween Havoc.

This thing might not even go to Havoc. This has become so personal, this Lance Storm walks in here from another company, oh, you know, everybody's hiring him - six years I've been here! Six years! I lose my vision - I can't stand up. This man has to talk in my ear to tell me where I am at the end of every night, these guys take me back to my room, six years of Lance Storm - to walk in here and do what he's done, this may never go to Havoc. This is becoming very personal to me, with the Duggan, the Lance Storm, the Elix Skipper, with Major Gunns sittin' on the sidelines, not doin' what she was sent here to do with her "potential?" This may not go to Havoc, and it may not go where we want it to go, this whole Team Canada/USA - no matter what they do to us, no matter how it winds up at Havoc, they can't bring us down. They tried to bring us down, they destined for us to fail. We're not goin' away. And at Havoc, we haven't even begun to show what the Misfits can do.

Now, AS one of those "people on the Internet," let me offer this brief retort: BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHA

Mike Tenay failed to ask just where the heck Private Stash went. ("I think it was Major Stash.") Please - tell me that it really matters. ("Hey, YOU'RE the anal retentive transcription guy!")

Backstage, Sting pumps up!

Close captioning where available is brought to you by Meineke!

WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: THAT 70'S MULLET & CROW "HUGGY" BAR v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE - I thought Huggy Bear was a brotha - I ALSO thought Stevie Ray of all people would know that. "That guy looks like Rollo!" I just transcribed five minutes of a MIA sitdown, so you'll forgive me if I blow off Awesome's usual bit about women. Crowbar: "We're two wild and crazy guys!" Then he starts dropping elbows on the mat. Awesome: "Hey, not THAT crazy! Tell you what...let's just wrestle!" My irony alarm: "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP" Stevie Ray: "Why are their britches so tight? I kinda like it." Did you know there's only 25 dys until Halloween Havoc? That airbrushed sign says "GOLDBERG FEARS WOLFGANG" and has a swastika on it. Swastikas ain't TV-PG. I know this because they don't bother to airbrush it out the NEXT time it's on the screen. There's really no good reason for me to blow off calling any moves here EXCEPT I'm really lazy AND I'm biased against WCW. I *will* note, however, that several times in this match, one of Jindrak & O'Haire is down for the pin and the other guy is supposed to make the save - only, they're about a half second off EVERY time, forcing the guy being pinned to go ahead and kick out anyway. Also, a quick cut to the crowd must mean they had to double-clutch the double suplex of Crowar and have tried to cover it up in post-production. Fortunately for YOU, I don't call the moves that work - only the blown ones. Crowd chanting "boring" now. It's almost like nobody's interested in seeing Jindrak & O'Haire taking on Awesome & Crowbar! Now WHY would they actually be in the building if they didn't want to see action like this? Another cut to the crowd - don't know WHAT they were covering up THIS time. Another late save. ANOTHER late save. O'Haire *desperately* needs to work on timing. Oh, perfect, let's put a table in this match. Sign in the crowd from the Owen Hart guy: "NIKITA KOLOFF HATES GOD" O'Haire blows ANOTHER save. Finally, a double hiptoss sends Crowbar through the table and Jindrak pins him. Never mind that Awesome was the legal man. Man, I should have given up on this show LONG ago. (9:53) Honestly, this match was pretty good, but after an hour and a half of NOTHING it's hard to get up for even an AVERAGE match. ESPECIALLY when after an hour and a half, this is only the FOURTH match - AND when one of the previous three was Steiner vs. Dragons. Okay, I've covered my ass enough, let's move on.

Outside the arena, Buff Bagwell arrives. And now he's WALKING!

WCW Magazine ad

The Valvoline Max-Life replay is a "highlight" package of Flair and his gimp - err, I mean Buff Bagwell. How'd Bagwell get under the hood in the first place?

Halloween Havoc ad

BUFF DADDY BAGWELL (and the iWatch logo) walk to the ring. He stops along the way to display a fan's "BUFF SHOWED STACY HIS STUFF" sign - a subtle clue...or an ego massage? "Well, well, well. It's looks like little Stacey goes out and gets herself pregnant. And who do we blame? Buff Daddy. Now you know and I know that Buff always wears his stuff when he goes there - hahahahahahah - wooo - but the main reason I'm here tonight, is to get an apology from that lunatic, David Flair. So if he's got the (balls), get him out here right now." DAVID FLAIR - AND THAT OTHER GUY walk out. He's wearing a stethoscope. "You got something to say, big man, and I wanna hear it right now." "First of all, Marcus, I wanna apologise for what happened this past Monday night. I owe you a big apology - and I'm sorry." "And?" "You know, I just - I'm sorry, but, you know, when I saw that Kidcam tape that Smooth gave me, it made me pretty upset, and I think you're the father." "Wait a second - you mean to tell me you're insecure enough that you're gonna go by a little tape that Smooth gives ya from a Kidcam? That's what this is about, are you kidding me? You're that weak?" "Marcus, all I think you are is a pretty boy piece of crap and all these people here now it. I see the way you go out, the bars, the clubs, I know how you are." "You need to watch your mouth, number one, number two, who in the hell is that?" "Well, if you claim you're not the father, I brought a doctor out here tonight, and I want YOU to take a DNA test, right here in the ring, right now." "You mean to tell me this guy right here's a doctor, and it means enough to you for me to take a test and prove to all these people that I'm not the father, that's what you want me to do?" "That's right, that's what I want you to do." "And then you'll be happy." "Yeah." "That's fine, let's do it. You wanna do it?" Crowd: "YEAH WE WANNA TAKE A DNA TEST - wait a minute..." Stevie Ray: "I told you these people wanted blood, Tony." "Let's do it - what do I gotta do?" "Well, this is what we're gonna do...we're gonna tie a surgical wrap around your arm, you make a fist, I'll tap up the vein - I'll take this needle out, I'll give you a little (prick)" - THEY MUTED THE WORD PRICK. Can you believe it? "What'd you just call me?" "I mean, I'm just gonna stick the needle in and pull the blood back out." "Just watch your mouth, too, but I got no problem - let's get this goin', let's do it. Buff Daddy's got nothing to hide." The doc goes to wrap his arm. "Oh, wait a second, there's one thing I forgot to tell ya." "What's that?" "I'm scared of needles." And he punks out the doctor with the mic. Bagwell ducks a shot from Flair, gutshot, double underhook DDT. The doctor tries to wrap his arm again...Bagwell decks him. "You figure it out, Flair. Haha."

NEXT: Franchise and Torrie are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Sting is WALKING!

Promotional consideration paid for by Tootsie candies (again), Corn Nuts, America (again!) Online, Motel 6 7/8, and Tootsie candies (again) (again)

Next week, WCW goes to Australia - I leave it to you to figure out how exactly it'll be different.

FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda & the iWatch logo) v. (THIS IS) STING - Commentators remember Klondike Bill during the entrances. "Long Beach, California! It's *your* pleasure to feast your eyes on this combination of twisted steel and sex appeal. Haa. I got better things to do than talk to you low-IQ, Hollywood wannabe degenerates. You see, because unlike you,k tonight I have a date with greateness. Tonight, I have a job to do. Sting. You know, Jeff Jarrett was right when he said you ain't the man, the legend you once were. Tonight, Sting, you get your ass Franchised - hell, you ain't even gonna make it to Halloween Havoc, boy. Now, Torrie, tell these morons what kinda real man the Franchise is." "I have a question, first of all. Do you people take a shower, because this place STINKS like hell. And listen, don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I am more of a woman than any of you ladies will ever be. And Franchise, the answer to your question is I want it bad, I need it bad, and after we're done with Sting tonight, I have a surprise for you at the hotel." Shouldn't Torrie have ME written in glitter on her top? You've waited all night - now, the big announcement. The Halloween Havoc main event is for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship - Booker T. takes on Scott Steiner! That main event takes place in 25 days. Around the outside, over the railing, through the crowd, back over the railing - hey, isn't this how you tie a bowline? Chair! "Woooow!" Torrie grabs the ankle...but Sting kicks her away. But he also crotches himself on the second rope in doing so. Franchise follows it with a headbutt to the little Stinger. Stomping on the pecker. "Un foul! Un foul!" Crowd chanting "She's a crack whore," mistakenly identifying Wilson as Tammy, I suppose. Franchise with a half hour suplex. 1, 2, kickout. Into the ropes, Franchise with the abdominal stretch...Wilson providing "leverage." Referee "Blind" Billy Silverman over to say "Hey, I don't care HOW many times you hit him in the jimmy, you CAN'T get leverage on that hold!" Sting with the hiptoss. Douglas' trick knee acts up. Kick to the crotch. What's that, five? Six? Franchise outside - dragging Sting to the post - and crotching him on the post. HE'S PICKED HIS BODY PART!!! Franchise brings a table into the ring - well *why the hell not.* Stomp, stomp, stomp, commentators talk about relaxed rules. Sting tries to fire back after Franchise positions the table into the corner. Whip into the table is reversed and Douglas breaks it - face jam, Vaderbomb, kick, kick, Stinger splash to the back...but Douglas just got a chain wrapped around his fist by Wilson. Sting up for a second Stinger splash - loaded right, loaded right - KONNAN is out and he's got Torrie on his shoulder. Silverman out after THEM - inside the ring, another loaded right and Sting goes down. Sting sent into the ropes, ducks the loded right, chop, chop, right, and Franchise goes out...and so does Sting. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out - Kabong - Franchiser - well, I'M a sucker for calling moves in this match. 1, 2, 3. (6:09) least Sting had the heart to job...but only after a giant cluster. Kinda sets the tone for the whole show...

Hey! Replay immediately! If you tuned in ten minutes late, now you can see Beetlejuice after all! Oy.

Next week: Australia.

Whatever THAT means.

[slash] wrestling



Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications