"The following programme is a TBS Superstation (barely) Original Series!"

WCW logo - TV-PG-DLV

Melbourne! Melbourne! Close captioned! Melbourne! Look at Melbourne! Rod Laver Arena! Melbourne Park! THUNDER DOWN UNDER HOO HOO HEE HEE HA HA

Let's Take a Special Video Look at Sam Greco - surely you, as I, have grown to know and love him over the course of this Australia tour....what do you MEAN, "who?"

Opening Credits - hmm, they haven't edited Juventud Guerrera out yet...or Perry Saturn, for that matter. You'll MISS that Saturn joke, trust me

Hit the PYRO and the iWATCH LOGO - on tape from the Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne, Australia 18.10.2K (taped 14.10) and this will be the last full house you see until they hit England - on the SuperStation TBS - this...is....THUNDER!

RAYMOND STEREO (with Tygryss) v. "ABOVE" AVERAGE MIKE SANDERS - Neck brace for the yak, devil horns for the other guy, and a mic for the semi-commish. "If I could have your attention, you people have got to admit, Coach Nash is doing one hel- heck of a job in coaching us. With Coach Nash's knowledge, power...(pause for fan reaction)...with his knowledge and power, I'm bettin' the Natural Born Thrillers are gonna kick so much a-- hiney, that we're gonna have ALL the gold in WCW. Now, *unfortunately* for the Cat, he's in a little match with me at Halloween Havoc; however, I'm gonna put a little stipulation in that I've talked about on Nitro; it's gonna be a three-round kickboxing match - now, Cat, you may be good at what you do but you're nowhere near the Greats...you're no Chuck Norris, you're no Bruce Lee, you're no Sean O'Haire - you might now your karate, but I know how to kick ass, and I'm gonna do it at Halloween Havoc. Now, unfortunately for you, Rey, this is a nontitle match - see, I have thirty days to defend it any way I want." Cue CAT (with Mz Jonez) music. "Okay, cut that music off. Let me tell you something, Mike, before I come up into that ring and pull that toupee off yo head. I wanta tell you something, no, maybe I can't make you put that title up tonight, but I can make this a non-disqualification match, meaning Rey can do whatever he want to to you, okay? You know - and the sound, and the sound of things around here, I might let some of these fans get in here and rip you apart. Now, now wait a minute, wait - wait a minute - if you wanna challenge me in a kickboxing match, I haven't lost in three years, Mike. I tell you what, if you beat me, I'll crawl across that ring, kiss yo dirty nasty, cheap shoes and tell you you're the greatest, but naw - I know what's gon' happen - Rey gon' pull that toupee off yo head in front of all the Australian people - kill his ass!"

RAYMOND STEREO (with Tygryss) v. "ABOVE" AVERAGE MIKE SANDERS in a "no DQ" match - what exactly does "no DQ" mean in WCW, anyway? Odds are this'll end in a DQ *anyway*. Rey crotches Sanders, since he's got a rope between his legs anyway, then rams his head into the turnbuckle. Springboard legdrop as Sanders holds the rope - 1, 2, no. Right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, boot up by Rey, into the corner, off the ropes, bulldog. Halloween Havoc is 11 days away - main event *tonight* is Countdown to Armageddon. Big falling splash off the top rope gets 2. We look at Cat yukking it up with the commentators, and when we look back at the ring, Sanders has somehow turned it around with a suplex. Sanders jawing with the crowd. Cover - 2. Sanders to the...cobra clutch? Wow. Tygress cheerleads as Cat *totally* outclasses the Mark in a battle of wits while Stevie Ray can't stop laughing. Since this is my last report, I might as well transcribe it. "You know, I just wanna say how good it feels to be down in Australia, and I got one other thing to say, you know, I really like you guys right here, but Mark Madden, you know what, Mark, you know what, big boy, heh heh, I wanna eat you like I eat a hamburger, ya big furry bear." "Okay, EX-commissioner, okay EX-commissioner....I can't believe it, Mike Sanders conceding a clear edge to the Cat, a champion karate guy - he should have challenged you to a spelling bee; that would have given Mike the advantage." "How 'bout maybe a weight loss bout, ya fatass?" "Oh, that's original, Arsenio, come up with some new material." "Yeah, yeah, uh huh, you know what you need, you seem like a fat man who need a little lovin'." "Well, I--" "I know it's been many a year since you had that..." "Well, well--" "...because you and your mom moved away from each other." "Well - WHAT?!?" Remember, he LIVES with his mom and you're not supposed to GO there with him. "Let's get back to the match." You got it, Cat! You da man! Mysterio back up on his feet, ducking a short clothesline, off the ropes, body scissors, Mysterio with the face jam. Stevie Ray: "Don't kill him, Cat, we need him out here." Into the corner is reversed, Rey with a spinning heel kick. Ten heads to the turnbuckles. Broncobuster coming up - and there it is. Mysterio with the "Aussie Aussie Aussie" thing to hype the crowd. Right hand, climbing the tightrope, but Sanders pulls him off, crotching him on the top rope. Sanders pointing to Cat - then coming nearer. Got some words for him. Jones spins him around and slaps him. Then she kicks him sqaur in the nuts. Cat puts him back in the ring, where Mysterio is waiting with a springboard legdrop - 1, 2, NO! Into the ropes, Rey on the shoulders, forward roll, hooks the legs, 1, 2, 3. (3:26) Almost immediately, we go to

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Franchise and Torrie Wilson - Franchise blames Billy Kidman for his title loss Monday - tonight, he'll take out Vito, he'll win the Countdown to Armageddon, and win the title. - not necessarily in that order. Torrie glares...I think. Nobody made fun of the Mark, so I wasn't really paying attention. Let's go to a break.

The three monsters of WCW will fight it out - that's Kronik and Goldberg, in case you weren't paying attention. Wow, look at all the RUSSO in this ad. Where's that guy BEEN lately?

Kronik prevents Goldberg from WALKING by punking him out from behind. The iWatch logo gets a piece as well. I ain't gonna miss that iWatch logo, lemme tellya

WCW Magazine ad - I ain't gonna miss THEM neither

Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & SAY FROOT BOOTY ALREADY. The other guy flicks an imaginary toothpick because SCOTT HALL GOT FIRED FIRED FIRED YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS LEFT NEENER NEENER NEENER GET READY FOR UNEMPLOYMENT HOO HOO HOO HA HA HA - by the way, I'm *not* quitting to take a WCW colour commentary role...not to my knowledge, anyway. If I am, somebody needs to let me know. Yuk yuk. Anyway, tonight we got a big "Countdown to Armageddon" match for a world title shot - also, Jindrak & O'Haire put the titles on the line against Sting & Booker T - THAT'LL suck when they keep the titles, won't it?

BIG VITO (with iWatch logo) v. FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) - Still wearing that upside down Hungarian flag, I see. Hey, I bet the music stops before he finishes saying "La Maestro, la musica please." WOW! I'M RIGHT! "Hey, how's it goin', Paisans? Lemme hear you say HEY! HO! HEY! Forget about it, you guys are too much." He forgot to ask if we were down with OPP! "I gotta coupla things to say. The Franchise thinks he's gonna roll through me - well guess what, nobody rolls through Big Vito, especially in Australia!" Crowd: "He said Australia!" "Second, I know when I was the hardcore champion, I was the fightin'est hardcore champion around - I didn't duck nobody, I didn't fear nobody, and I don't sweat nobody - hey Reno, where you been hiding? Our business ain't finished yet, punk! Last thing I got to say - Armageddon, I'm feelin' a little lucky, and no matter how you shuffle the deck, Big Vito will always come on top. Ain't that right, Paisans?" Crowd: "We ain't Italian!" If we're *really* lucky, Franchise will have something to say as well. Tony plugs iWatch AGAIN. Booker T and Steiner are in the Countdown to Armageddon match - Stevie Ray says Booker will defend against himself, then. Here's something - an old school "I will pose on the turnbuckle and you will boo or yay depending who I am" stall. FINALLY we lock up, hammer lock by Vito, reversal, back elbow by Vito, to the arm bar, reversal, hammerlock reversed, Vito trips him up and challenges his machismo. Vito trained by Johnny Rodz - or so says Stevie Ray. Vito leads the cheers. Lockup, gobehind by Vito, reversal, drop toehold by Vito, floatover, but the hammer lock is countered by Franchise. Back to our feet. Arm wringer by Franchise, gutshot by Vito, side headlock...nice mat display here - into the ropes, shoulderblock by Vito. Off the ropes, up and over, stops short of the leapfrog, atomic drop, big right hand, and Franchise goes down. Into the ropes, reversal, holds the ropes and misses the knee, dares Franchise to come at him, then dumps him to the outside. Out goes Vito, putting him back in...Franchise with a hot shot as Vito tries to come back in. Here's an elbow. Into the opposite corner, Vito steps aside, death suplex. Vito going up top...swandive headbutt finds the mark. Leg is hooked - but he pulls up at 1 as Torrie gets on the apron. Vito chases her down - then delivers the Mafia kick as Franchise tries to sneak up from behind. Vito up top AGAIN - Savage elbow gets 2 - Torrie up on the apron yet again. Vito giving her a look - then putting his nose in the air. Elbow for Franchise as he *again* blows the chance at the distraction. At least THIS time, Wilson manages to toss the chain to Franchise as both Vito AND referee "Blind" Charles Robinson are looking at her. Loaded right hand. Gutshot, Pittsburgh Plunge fishermanbuster - stashing the chain - 1, 2, NO! Franchise argues the count...putting him in position for the schoolboy - 1, 2, NO! Franchise with a gutshot, right hand, Vito right, Franchise right, Vito forearm, Franchise right, I'm getting dizzy, Vito forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, clothesline is ducked, Franchise with the Franchiser - that's his move! 1, 2, 3. (4:46)

Backstage, Goldberg is WALKING! Oh boy, the old "guy looks for guy for two hours" plot device. Oh oh, Big Ron is crossing the big man - and hard into the garbage can goes his shoulder!

Pamela Paulshock stands with the iWatch logo at Those 70's Guys. What'll happen when they turn on each other during the Countdown to Armageddon? Crowbar hits on Pamela. Awesome tells Crowbar to get in the bus while he talks about getting his title shot. His music starts playing for no reason. Pamela says "groovy." I shoulda quit LAST week.

Listen to the voiceover guy here. "Halloween Havoc. It is a night created to test the faith of all those who stand before it - a night that will warp innocence into insanity, and the bizarre will reign supreme." Think on these words, my friends. Think on these words.

BOOGIE KNIGHTS (with Disqo Duck) v. HYRRYS BRYTHYRZ - Ever wonder what Alex Wright says? "Attention, attention, here is Alex Wright and Disqo. We are the best team in the WCW!" Hell, you probably got that WITHOUT all that high school German. Then he says something about how tired they are of Australia or something - I never got the accent down so I kinda missed ALL of it. If it was REALLY important, they'd have said it in Australia, right? Disqo does his always hilarious Konnan impersonation ("Ey - enough already!"), and then, for an encore, proclaims that the Harrisses "ain't got it like that..." kinda like Australians. Remember when these guys were getting cheers against Jindrak & O'Haire? Looks like Heavy D is alone, what with Goldberg laying out his brother. Harris shoves Disqo and punks out Wright - Wright goes to his corner while Harris demolishes Disqo. So, Harris is the....face? Wright manages a kick as he comes off the ropes, and Disqo hits the gutshot and swinging neckbreaker. Missile dropkick by Wright gets 2. Elbow to the back of the head. Stomping away. Das Wundertanz. Wright argues with referee "Blind" Billy Silverman while Disqo gets a beatdown behind his back. Tag to Disqo. Snapmare over, second rope, dancing forearm drop misses. Harries going back and forth with punches for each man - sidewalk slam for Disqo gets 2. Wright in illegally to pound away. Now BOTH men are attacking simultaneously. Clothesline/Russian legsweep combo. Double clothesline takes Harris outside. Disqo grabs his duck and poses on the ring. Now BIG RON is out, dumping Wright over the top. Grabbing Disqo (and the duck) off the second rope - one full rotation before landing the death suplex. Off the ropes, clothesline. Don puts Wright into the rail. Another clothesline in the ring. Scoop....and a slam. Ron elbowdrops the duck - again - stomp, stomp, toss to the crowd! That's some lucky fan. Both Harris brothers in the ring for a double half crab on Disqo. Wright finally back in the ring - and they put HIM down. Disqo rolls out. Wright into the ropes, double big boot. Another kick for Disqo. Wright into the ropes, double flapjack. Wright into the ropes, double head down, Wright with two fists, a DDT for Don, and eats a big boot from Ron. Disqo has another foreign object. Spinning sidewalk slam by Ron. Disqo puts...what, another duck? A loaded duck? Between the shoulderblades. Wright puts Don from the apron to the floor as Disqo hits a second rope clothesline on Ron and covers for the pin. (4:44)

Pamela Paulshock stands with Team Canada. Lance Storm wants the title shot - no, wait, Hacksaw Jim Duggan wants the title shot - no, wait, this is Elix Skipper's house and he wants the title shot. Major Gunns stands nearby and makes ugly faces.

Scott Steiner and Booker T are featured in this Halloween Havoc promo

Backstage, Scott Steiner and Midajah are WALKING! Paulshock (and the iWatch logo) stops them to get a few words about the Countdown to Armageddon match. "Well, you know, Pam, I'm gon' have mah own battle royal of love in my Caligula suite, number 609 - you wanna come? As far as tonight in the building, everybody should be fighting for second place."

"MY THEME SUCKS ROCKS ON A STICK" ELIX SKIPPER v. COLD "10-0" BEER - Stevie Ray scoreboard for this segment: "Prime Time!" 17, "P-" 1, "Prime House" 1, and "His house!" zero. Goldberg gets no entrance, as he sneaks in behind Skipper as he cuts his promo. Standard helping of squash ensues. (jackhammer -> pin 1:12) "Kronik! You're some pretty bad dudes, huh? I can accept that. But the fact is...[why's he all blown up?]...fear creates a need. And you two - you sure as hell need each either. But me...I don't need anybody! And if you two punks are fortunate enough to make it to Havoc - you're BOTH next!" Wolverine sponsors the replay of the spear, the jackhammer, and the pin.

Pamela Paulshock stands with Jeff Jarrett, who plans on winning Countdown to Armageddon. When Paulshock reminds him Steiner is in the match, Jarrett says she don't be stirring anything up - then goes to talk to Steiner.

"THE CHOSEN ONE" JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREOUBLET (with iWatch logo & Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) and WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. KONNAN & KIDMAN (with Tygryss) - Kidman and Pump start. Lockup, no Kidman slips it, three forearms, into the ropes, reversed, Steinerline, kiss the bicep elbowdrop for 1 - Steiner pulls him up. Military press - three reps - drop. Welcome back, Kidman! Steiner does pushups. 11 days away graphic. Kick, kick, right, right, taunting Konnan, chop, on his shoulder, sat on the turnbuckle - Konnan across the apron and they both punch Steiner - Kidman with a missile dropkick. Into the ropes, double clothesline is ducked, Kidman with a shot for Jarrett on the apron while Konnan gets caught in a blockbuster suplex. Tag to Jarrett, right to Konnan, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, pose. I don't remember Konnan tagging - oh well. Into the opposite corner, up and over, backward somersault, clothesline for Konnan, tumbling lariat, pushups to taunt Steiner, face jam, into the corner, Jarrett gets the boots up, clothesline. Head to the turnbuckle. Into the opposite corner, but Konnan steps aside. Tag to Kidman - second rope back elbow, tornado bulldog, into the ropes is reversed, Kidman slides under, short powerbomb gets 2, even as Konnan keeps Steiner out of the ring. Kidman up top - TORRIE SAMUDA with the run-in - somehow Kidman ends up crotched by Jarrett, but I don't think he was distracted. Jarrett with El Kabong on Konnan on the floor. Torrie walks off with Tygress. Steiner Super Samoan Drop. Steiner recliner on the unconscious Kidman - arm quickly falls three times. Wow, Kidman jobs TWICE to Steiner in two nights! (4:02)

Goldberg paces around. He's not in the Countdown to Armageddon match, but you wanna bet we'll see him *anyway?*

Later, Sam Greco SPEAKS!

The Thunder Ringside Release is 3DO's "Army Men: Air Attack 2"

Backstage, a black limousine arrives. It's the iWatch logo! Oh, and Ric Flair. The Mark's gonna interview him later tonight - that'll be worthless

Pamela Paulshock stands with Booker T. The tag team champions have never faced a team like Sting & Booker T - get ready to be served by the big boys! Oh, and he plans on winning Countdown to Armageddon. Steiner best prepare for the booyah! At least he didn't tell us not to hate the playa.

Another look at our commentators as they set up the following Sam Greco package

Look! Sam Greco kicks a bag! And he punches too!

Commentators continue to fellate Sam Greco - yeah, HE'LL turn the battle around.

WCW Magazine ad - again

Earlier Today, Tony Schiavone sat down with SAM GRECO - he's a WACKO champion - oh, sorry - WAKO. Why would such a celebrated athlete want to make the leap to WCW? "It's been a lifelong dream of mine." Oof. WCW will be a challenge for him (in more ways than one!). He's bringing all his skills to the table, and he's not going to change his style. Goldberg is a great role model - just like he is. Oh oh, Sam Greco slips and refers to Sam Greco in the third person! Greco says he's like the lead-up of a Rocky movie with Goldberg intensity. WCW is huge in Australia. (Maybe they should stay there!) Before going for the WCW title, he'd like to "establish character." "The crowd will feel what Sam Greco does." I bet he's out on his ass in six months.

The Thrillers...sing....to Nash. Nash sends out Jindak & O'Haire...then tells Sanders that he's got to make sure they hold onto the straps tonight, no matter what it takes. Nash slaps Sanders in the butt. I didn't need to see that. Why didn't they mute the VIDEO as well?

Halloween Havoc promo features Jeff Jarrett and Sting - but does not promise us that new Sting like earlier this month

Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Tootsie candies (haven't those kids' teeth rotted out YET from all those chocolate attacks?), America (ha!) Online, Geico, and Geico (again)

WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (with iWatch logo) v. BOOKA T. and (THIS IS) STING - O'Haire and T start...I think. We take a long look at the crowd. No, it's Sting. Right by O'Haire. Spin kick ducked, gutshot by Sting, off the ropes with the face jam. Splash lands on a knee. Clothesline. Right, right. Tag to Jindrak. Into the ropes, double leapfrog, Jindrak throws him outside. Double beal back in, Sting's neck not exactly clearing the top rope on his way in - yowch. Jindrak stomp, forearm to the back, tag to O'Haire, gutshot, cut to the crowd (edit?), into the opposite corner, Sting leaps up and springs off with a double back elbow. HOT TAG! And why not, it's only been NINETY SECONDS! Right to Jindrak, one for O'Haire, clothesline for you, clothesline for you, Harlem side kick for Jindrak, who rolls to the outside. O'Haire elbows T from behind, right, T reverses the whip attempt, gutshot, axe kick. Breakdancing up! Harlem sidekick! Cover - 1, 2, Jindrak saves. Sting in - 11 days away graphic. T Book Ends O'Haire as Sting lands a Scorpion Death Drop on Jindrak - but MIKE SANDERS decks referee "Blind" Billy Silverman...then calls for the bell himself. (relaxed DQ 2:35) *cough*BULLSHIT*cough* although we all saw it coming, didn't we? Right hand by Booker T. Into the ropes, dropkick by Sting, Harlem side kick by T. Sanders rolls out. Play Booker's music! Wooooooooow! Raise the roof!

Kronik are WALKING! Quick, somebody tell Goldberg where they are!! (I mean, he IS still looking for them....right? RIGHT?!)

Advance Auto Sports presents "This Week in WCW Motorsports!" Blaise Alexander promises this is the LAST week we'll have "This Week in Motorsports" on WCW programming - how appropriate that this is my last report! At Telladega, Wally Dallenbach failed to qualify for the Winston 500, so they had to go home instead. WOW! WHAT ACTION! "And on that bittersweet note, we say that's all for this week in WCW Motorsports - presented by Adavnce Auto Parts - the best part is our people!"

KRONI>| (with the iWatch logo) come out. Too bad this isn't the last week for that iWatch logo, come to think of it. Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Kronik *brutally* attacked Goldberg. Oh, this is a match? My bad.

KRONI>| v. PERFECT EVENT (with Let Us Take You Back to Nitro) - Match starts during the replays, but I bet we didn't miss much. Whoa, Clark with a nice forward somersault from the apron onto Palumbo on the floor! Hey, all of a sudden Perfectshawn is THE BAD APPLE. While administering the full nelson slam, Adams swings Stasiak's feet around, causing him to "accidentally" kick Palumbo. Weak, weak, weak. Post-match, (High Time -> Adams pin Palumbo 1:51) COLD BEER runs out - Clark pushes Stasiak into the path of a superkick, but he STILL manages to maul Clark before Adams brings in a chair - WHACK - doubleteam ensues. High Time for Goldberg. Play their music! I wonder why they didn't try to pin him then and there - surely it would have counted, right? After they walk off, Goldberg throws a spinning thrust kick to Palumbo and a spear to Stasiak, preventing them from fighting for the sake of this sudden development. Play HIS music!

Ric Flair is WALKING! I like how he's the only guy that seems to notice that there's a camera in front of him in this situation.

As we examine this beautiful view of the Melbourne skyline, let's learn that the close captioning for this show was sponsored by Meineke!

"Ladies and gentlemen of Melbourne, Australia - will you please welcome from Charlotte, North Carolina, the greatest world champion ever...NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR!" Flair, of course, is accompanied by the iWatch logo. So Monday, when Flair said "I'm just the Father," could he have meant....nah, too subtle. "Marco, by God, Melborne Australia Madden, we are live! Woooo! Tonight! This truly is wooo the most magnificent country in the world today wooo! Lookit these women woooo! they live! (strut) Wooo! And they're all ready to go all night long. You haven't been to bed - you haven't been to bed in a week, and neither have I, buddy - and it's been - woooo! - guh-lorious!" "Glorious it's been, champ, but what brings you to Melbourne, Australia? Why are you here? I thought you were retired." "Ask her right there. Tell him - tell Mark - tell him - tell him, honey - wooo! Because Space Mountain - wooo! - came live all the way live to Australia - woooo!" "Okay, so why ya here? We've heard about the women - why is Ric Flair - the RETIRED Ric Flair - all the way down here - down under?" "I am here as a guest of the Australian government. I am here as an ambassador, and I'm here to bring my son home. That's a fact. He's lost it! At 21 years of age, he's lost it and I'm here to bring him home." "Well, Ric, David Flair's certainly been troubled lately - you've had your differences with him lately, do you think you can come down here and resolve them, can you talk with him?" "I'm here as a father to bring my son home. I think he'll understand--" "Well, you might get your chance to talk with him because I think we're gonna have DAVID FLAIR come out here now." David wears a white lab coat. "Do you understand that you are the all-time carrot? There's twenty thousand women in this building tonight - woooo! - and you and I can have 'em all in the next thirty days! Wooo! Forget about it, come on home, brother - you are Little Naitch - you don't have to play second fiddle to anyone." "I'm a grown man now...and if I wanted you here, I woulda asked you to be here. SO Buff Bagwell, at Halloween Havon, I'm having you in a DNA match, 'cause I KNOW you're the father of Stacey's baby." "We're here to talk about Australia, wine, women and song! Forget about Bagwell! Come on, snap to it, let's go downtown tonight, tear Melbourne wooo! down." "Why are you sticking up for Buff Bagwell? You got something to do with it? I don't need your help, get outta here! I mean, what's goin' on? You know something about it? Maybe I should give YOU a blood test right here right now!" "Look, David, you go your own way. I'm telling ya, I'm your father. Come on home - you got a life ahead o' you, way better than her." And he leaves. "Yo, Psycho - he's your father, he's trying to help ya - you think you should dump all over him out here?" So Flair punks HIM out...but Ric comes back to hit the ring before he can administer a blood test. David walks off. Play Ric's music!

Halloween Havoc ad. It'll TEST YOUR FAITH

Promotional consideration paid for by OH OH!!! ANOTHER CHOCOLATE ATTACK!!!!!!! and Nitro: the Trading Card Game, America (ha!) Online (again), "Toy Story 2" on video and DVD and AHHHHHH!!!!! **ANOTHER** CHOCOLATE ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COUNTDOWN TO ARMAGEDDON - "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS (with the iWatch logo) is first? Gosh, that's a tough draw for the man in charge. Even *more* coincidentally, CAT gets #2. Sanders punching away, into the ropes, duck, Feliner. Cat breakdances and drops an elbow. Right hand, in the corner but the Ten Punch Count Along is rudely interrupted by David Penzer counting down from five - I guess it's a thirty second interval? It's PERFECTSHAWN STASIAK, who goes right for the Cat - and ends up on the wrong end of an onslaught. Hey, you might learn from this graphic that Halloween Havoc is 11 days away. It's another thirty seconds and "THE EVENT" CHUCK PALUMBO is #4. Stasiak and Palumbo are ready to fight over who gets to beat up the Cat. These thirty second intervals seem like ten seconds since they're including the ring entrance. DISQO is in and going for Palumbo and Stasiak. He's one and they're two, so he ends up on the wrong side. Shockingly and coincidentally, ALEX WRIGHT is next. Commentators question the randomness of this draw. Nobody eliminated yet. Why is Cat attacking Disqo? Who can say? CROWBAR comes out to the Badlanders theme instead of the 70's theme. Battle royals are sure easy to describe, aren't they? By the time you type in that BIG RON HARRIS is out, it's almost time to get ready to type that HEAVY D HARRIS is out. Did you predict that, too? Nine men in, zero men out. #10 is HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN. That should give us Storm and Skipper in the next minute or so, right? Duggan gives the crowd a thumbs up despite being a heel. LT. LOCO is out and it's been just over five minutes with nothing happening. Will it be Canada or MIA? Well, holy cats, it's none of them - KEVIN NASH is out and...we take an ad break?? Yikes!

TBS - it's a guy thing. Hey, I saw Juventud Guerrera in that ad!

Apparently, it took Kevin Nash three minutes and twenty seconds to get in the ring, because when we come back, he's just entering...and going for a pile. Duggan and Loco are upended over the top rope for our first eliminations. Times will be approximate, not counting the ads, so when I say (6:02), I'm probably PRETTY close. Cat tosses Sanders almost immediately after (6:08), followed by Nash tossing Cat. (6:10) #12 is DAVID FLAIR (and the iWatch logo) as the Knights toss Crowbar (6:16). Nash double clotheslines the Knights out (6:21). Flair does some dancing as Palumbo saves Stasiak tossing Big Ron (6:26) and Heavy D (6:29). Palumbo and Stasiak get to shoving as "Coach" looks on...and ignores it. Stasiak forearms Palumbo, who goes flying (6:50). Nash gives Stasiak a look...and he eliminates himself. (6:56) As CPL. CAJUN walks out, Flair tries to chop Nash - and Nash calmly tosses him. (7:05) Cajun tries a back elbow - Cajun eats a big boot. Toss. (7:22) KWEE-WEE (with Paisley) is next. Does this remind you of Royal Rumble '94? (7:48) RAYMOND STEREO is in for Nash to get some revenge - springboard dropkick by Mysterio - eat the big boot. Going for the truckstop powerbomb, but Rey holds on and punches out of it. BOOKA T. is next as Mysterio goes for a broncobuster...but gets crotched when Nash puts up his foot - or he was *supposed* to, except he flew over the foot. Oh well. T goes to Nash and punches away...until Nash throws the uppernut. Hey, I wonder who booked this match? Is it the guy punching out both Mysterio AND Booker T? THAT 70'S MULLET is out next. Nash put in the corner - Awesome...eats a back elbow. Mysterio...eats a back elbow. T gets...a gutshot and elbow. Nash *barely* has the time to brush back his hair between moves! (THIS IS) STING is next out - can Nash beat FOUR men? Awesome and T hold Nash for a Stinger splash. And again. Holding him for another Mysterio springboard dropkick. They *finally* get Nash outta there (10:20) just as JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET hits the ring. But WHITE THUNDER sneaks in at the same time. Sting and Jarrett go at it - Jarrett and T going at it - Awesome and Mysterio content to watch for now. Sting and Jarrett get tied up and eliminate each other (10:41) and then Steiner and T eliminate each other (10:46) with a little help from Awesome and Mysterio. They turn on each other until BILLY KIDMAN joins in on Mysterio's side. Mysterio with a split-legged moonsault on Awesome. Forearm by Kidman. LANCE STORM is out....#22 if my count is correct. Kidman and Mysterio trying to put Awesome out...but Kidman drops him to attack Storm. Storm with knees in the corner. Awesome still working on Mysterio...tossing him, but Rey holds on and comes back in. BIG VITO hits the ring - Kidman and Awesome quickly jump on him - Storm back on Kidman. Vito elbows Awesome. Kidman dropkicks Storm. Bring out SEAN O'HAIRE. Storm goes out but lands on the apron. Sign in crowd: "I MADE A SIGN" I wonder if Jindrak will be next. MARK JINDRAK is next. Kidman and Mysterio get furious on him as he enters. KONNAN comes in and helps Kidman stomp on O'Haire...until Jindrak gets *him* from behind. KRONI>| are still one person, I guess, as they come out together. Kidman unveils a new "You can't powerbomb Kidman" counter as he hits a huracanrana on Adams. Adams says "hey, nobody told me I had to SELL in this match" and tosses Kidman with a chokeslam, although the camera misses it. (14:42) Mysterio gets crotched trying to splash Clark in the corner - Clark then whips Konnan into Mysterio, eliminating him (14:53). Konnan completes the Filthy Animals trifecta when Clark clotheslines HIM (14:58). Awesome backdrops Storm (15:04). Six men left in the ring...Kronik eliminate Vito (15:18). Jindrak & O'Haire work on Awesome while Kronik watches. Now Kronik beat him up as well. Let's see, four on one...I bet the one wins. Standard battle royal rules. Adams with a piledriver on Awesome. Four-way stompdown. Crowd anticipates Goldberg, and so do I, frankly. They start to put him over the top rope...but here's COLD BEER. Double clothesline for Jindrak & O'Haire - Kronik with a double shoulderblock. Awesome tries to take it to O'Haire, but he fights back - but Awesome ducks Jindrak's clothesline and not only does he take out O'Haire, but the momentum takes *himself* over as well! (16:36) Goldberg into the ropes, spear for Clark. Mount and punch. Adams brings in the chair. Goldberg puts Clark outside (16:54) Awesome grabs the chair and saves Goldberg, allowing him to spear Adams. Awesome wields the chair, just in case Goldberg has any plans for *him*. Big-time staredown. Goldberg nods...and together, he and Awesome clothesline Adams out of the ring. Technically, Goldberg isn't in this match...so we have a winner. Awesome gets the first title shot after Havoc. And that's that. (17:33)

Well, not a BAD way to go out...not a GREAT way, either, but....

Hey, you know I picked up this show back on 1 March? Mike asked me if I'd do it if/when Scott quit, and I was dumb enough to say "sure...temporarily." In reality, it turned out to be more fun to do than Nitro...for a while. Lately, the show has been more and more of an afterthought - sure, we sometimes get ONE good scientific match a night, but that ain't enough to keep me around.

And the real truth is, it's thirty-two shows later and I can no longer get by, skipping three nights of sleep a week, with the quality of the material I'm given. This is like a second job for me, and I've got enough problems with the first job. That's the one that actually pays me, so if something's gotta give, it's show recaps.

So, to make a long story short, I quit.

"Thunder," that is.

Beginning next week, Thunder will be taped the same night as Nitro. I don't think it's worth lowering my expectations any more about this show, so I'm getting out while the getting's good. E.C. has proven himself more than able with a recap-and-clip-and-maybe-an-original-match-or-two show in Worldwide - so it seems only fair I hand Thunder over to him now that it's becoming "Worldwide II - now TWO hours!" Frankly, I don't know WHY his wife would agree to letting him do it, but we're all lucky she does - and I'm confident that Ostermeyer will do a fine job following in the footsteps of previous WrestleManiacs "gods of Thunder" Petrie, Keith and Zimmerman - at least until his infamous "Kiss of Death" kicks in and we're spared further episodes of Thunder through cancellation. As for me, I'm back down to a mere *two* sleepless nights a week, and with any luck my remaining efforts will show less stress and strain and ultimately be better.

Ahh, who are we kidding - I want to watch hockey on Wednesday nights!

Sorry to be cryptic about it on Monday, but I wanted to have a *little* fun with it. Frankly, it seemed less pretentious than issuing ultimatums to WCW asking them to please make a recap-worthy show - as if they'd listen! - and *also* less annoying than a devolution into whining and whining and CONSTANT whining about the show I was recapping.

I apologise to those of you who took time to write kind words to me thanking me and wishing me well - hopefully, you're more relieved than pissed off and will still wish me well as I continue with the three or four other shows I'm writing up.

Speaking of which, I'll be back tomorrow for SmackDown!