WCW Thunder by E.C. Ostermeyer
This is the WCW Thunder report for Wednesday, 8 November 2000.
I'm good ol' E.C.
Opening credits. Yep, Juvy's still there. Think he's got a lawyer yet? I'm smelling BIG compensatory damages and obscene punitive damages here.
It's time for "A Day in the Life of Commissioner Sanders."
He's gloating silently over some outrage he's wrought.
Enter WCW World Heavyweight Champion Booker T, demanding a match with that sucker-punching Sean Stasiak. Tonight! Boo-yah!
Sanders can't oblige because Kevin Nash already called "special-no-take-back" dibs on Mr. Stasiak's carcass. However, since Booker T. was less than satisfied with the finish of his match with Mike Awesome on Nitro, he's got a rematch with the "70's Guy" tonight.
We're still at the United Center (3/4 full) in Chicago. This appears to be the second half of a four-hour show for this wrestling crowd.
The strain is beginning to show.
Match #1 Jamie Knoble (aka Jamie San, aka Jaime Young) d. Evan Karagias, (Three Count interference w/ neckbreaker finisher/Knoble pin, 7:12)
A so-so match for a curtain-jerker, between two certified high flyers. Should have been way better than this. Maybe somebody was off their feed, huh?
This is not the best way to open the show, and the crowd knows it. We get a "Bo-ring! Bo-ring!" chant about a minute into the match, and there's a bunch of fans in the aisles. Which is sad since both these guys are putting on a decent, although slow, match. Your ringside announcers, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone and Stevie Ray, aren't paying a bit of attention, as they decide to shill for the upcoming Booker T v. Scott Steiner match at "WCW Mayhem."
Knoble has a hard time at first with Karagias, (getting tied to the Tree of Woe at one point,) but gradually asserts himself. There's a series of rolling suplexes, and he finishes with a Northern Lights suplex, but only gets a 2 count. Karagias hits a power surge and hurls Knoble into the ringpost, then out to the floor. As the referee attends to Knoble, this brings out Shane Helms and Shannon Moore (who are still called "Three Count", although, in MY book, they ought to be called "Two Count") to do the beat-down on their former tag team member. Double-team Fireman's carry-neckbreaker combination on Karagias sets up Knoble's top turnbuckle legdrop for the win. Post-match, Three Count returns to the ring to inflict some more punishment on Karagias. This brings Knoble back to the ring, this time with a steel chair, and he chases Helms and Moore away.
Mean Gene Okerlund's got...aw, for crying' out loud! The Boogie Knights? Disqo blathers about his match with Konnan later tonight. Alex Wright looks like a vengeful Billy Corgan. Try imagining that.
Match #2: Crowbar d. Reno for the WCW Hardcore Championship Title. (Tope con hilo from the stage/pin, 9:40)
We've got trashcans o' plunder hanging off the four ring-posts! The match starts off slowly, but gradually builds in nastiness and intensity. We get shots using a paint tray, the broomstick, and what looks like a cutting board. "Weapon du jour" seems to be the trash can lid, with both Reno and Crowbar taking heavy hiyts to the head Things get REALLY interesting when Crowbar drags out a ladder. Reno tries a "Roll of the Dice" finisher, but Crowbar shoves him off, then wallops him with a trashcan. Suplex by Crowbar over the top rope sends Reno to the floor at ringside. It seems that there are darn few people even paying attention to the match at ringside. C'mon, Chicago, you're better than this!
Crowbar drop-toeholds Reno face-first through a steel chair at ringside, then squashes him with a flying cross-body block off the apron. Crowbar decides to "Take It to the People", and away we go up the aisle. Reno wallops Crowbar with a steel chair, and Crowbar stumbles through the entranceway, and the brawl heads backstage. Reno bounces Crowbar's noggin off a huge bin. Anohter attempt at noggin-knockin' gets shortstopped by Crowbar, and Reno eats the bin lid this time. Action spills back out onto the stage area, and suddenly here's Big Vito to "Mafia Kick" Reno senseless. Vito exhorts crowbar to seize the moment and the Title. The two sorta bang fists, and Crowbar LEAPS off the stage, nailing Reno with a tope con hilo for the win.
Post-match, Mike Awesome and General Rection of the MIA's congratulate the new champ. The rest of the MIA's join the party. Mean Gene arrives, (and forgets the champagne, the cheap bum,) but adds his congratulations as well. You can tell that WCW is making a concerted effort in squashing Vince Russo's statement that the Titles mean nothing. The Titles mean something to the wrestlers, that's for sure.
Match #3: Konnan (w/Tygress & Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio Jr.) d. Disqo (w/ Alex Wright & duck), ("Face Jam" finisher/pin, 3:28)
Tygress, Rey and Kidman join your announce team to provide color commentary for the match. Tygress is especially fetching tonight, although Stevie Ray is still miffed about the "yak" being at ringside. Rey and Bill Kidman do a great (i.e. "better-than-Mark-Madden-on-a-good-day") job with the commentary, even engaging in intelligent repartee with Mike Tenay. Their conversation gets a bit obscure for Tony Schiavone, who seems to be all pouty that he's being left not just out, but WAY out.
Stevie Ray is busy sneaking furtive glances at Tygress, and hopes nobody notices.
The match, you say?
It's the usual foolishness.
Konnan clobbers Disqo with a DDT. Disqo recovers, and, with sneaky help from Alex Wright, begins to dominate the match. Kidman refers to Wright's near-albino lack of tan, and suggests that he "go catch some rays once and awhile." Wright's busy being the "dancin' machine", and gets clobbered by a vengeful Kidman and Rey-Rey.
Disqo with a double axe-handle leap from the middle rope, but he gets blocked by Konnan, who responds with a "Rolling Thunder" barrage, then finishes him off with a vicious double dropkick to the head. Wright tries to save his partner, but gets double-teamed by Kidman and Rey. Disqo's got more on his plate than he can handle, as he bails out to save Wright. Rey eats a steel guardrail, and Kidman a ringpost. Disqo returns to the ring, where a refreshed Konnan is waiting. Konan with a belly-to-belly, but only gets 2 for the pin attempt, as Wright drags Konnan off Disqo and out to the floor. It's not enough, though, as the rest of the Filthy Animals gang up on Wright. Konnan rolls back in, and nails Disqo with his "Face Jam" finisher. Referee Scott Armstrong does a count so fast his arm's a blur, and Konnan's the winner.
Post-match, Wright and Disqo are in Armstrong's face, complaining about the fast count. Filthy Animals take umbrage, and bum's rush the Boogie Knights from ringside.
Backstage again, as Tony natters on about "Mayhem II: the Search for More Money." (Sorry.)
Off in a corner, the Boogie Knights are conversing with Kronik.
Disqo looks to be about 3 feet tall in this "stand of redwoods."
Must be seen to be believed.
Mean Gene's stuck his microphone into Mike Awesome's substantial visage. Mike's in high spirits, and predicts a Title change tonight.
It's "Thunder Shoot Interview" time.
Mark Madden gets to interview, (I am not joking!) THE CAT!
Mr. Miler is accompanied tonight by the lovely Ms. Jones.
The venue appears to be the back booth at the local Sizzler.
(Hey, Cat! Two words. "Separate" & "Checks.")
This interview was a must-see for those of you who have an abiding dislike of Mr. Madden.
The conversation gets off on the wrong foot right out of the box, with The Cat telling Madden to "git that big, fat, donut-eatin' finger outen mah face afore somethin' bad happens!" Cat says that he's the best WCW Commissioner ever, and derides Ric Flair as too old for the strenuous job he's taken on. Madden attempts to take control of the interview, only to have it snatched back, when The Cat brings up Madden's unfortunate "shower incident" in front of God and the national TV audience. Madden gets all defensive and vengeful, at which point Ms. Jones gets in a good one about Madden's social skills, or the lack thereof. Madden, desperate, switches the subject to the BattleDome. The Cat says he was the "Lord of BattleDome," and could have whupped anybody on the show. Conversation switches to Cat's upcoming match with Shane "Franchise" Douglas, then quickly goes way off script as the Cat starts "doin' the dozens" on Mr. Madden, and it serves the big, blobby goofus right!
There's a film montage from this past Monday's Nitro of Scott Steiner manhandling the Champ, Booker T.
Backstage again, as "Darkside Commissioner' Mike Sanders gets a big face full of a hollering Scott Steiner, who demands another match with Booker T. Sanders says he can't go against CEO Ric Flair's edicts regarding Steiner's behavior. Steiner snarls that he's taking an "anger management" course. CAN'T YOU TELL??!! Steiner repeats his demand for the match, and threatens Sanders with bodily harm if he doesn't get it!
David Flair's in the ring, still harping on the "Who Knocked Up Ms. Hancock?" angle. (Note to the bookers, Terry Taylor and Johnny Ace: kill this story arc. It's pointless and long dead.)
Target for "Lil' Naitch's" anger THIS week is...?...!
Rey Mysterio Jr??!!
Uh, David, stop and think about that for a minute.
Get a GOOD mental picture of the two parties involved.
Rey Mysterio, Jr.
Stacy "Ms. Hancock" Keebler.
Now picture the two parties in the act you claim they indulged in.
The phrase "Ascent of Pike's Peak" just seems to spring to mind, doesn't it?
Match #4: Rey Mysterio, Jr. (w/ Tygress) d. David Flair, (guillotine legdrop off the ring apron/pin, 2:54)
The flame to Flair's short fuse is Tygress, slapping the taste out of Flair's mouth. Flair hits the mat like a sack of cement. It's Rey's match the whole way, even though Flair does get in a couple of chops ("Whooo!"). A cross-ring whip by Flair has Rey doing his swing-around-through-the-ropes move. Moonsault off the top turnbuckle by Rey. David tumbles out of the ring and recovers enough to mount some kind of an offensive. We get a decent-looking suplex, followed by a bunch of chops ("Whooos!" galore.) Suplex #2 coming up, followed by a Flair pin attempt that miraculously gets as far as a 2-count. Flair rolls Rey back in the ring. Tygress gets in Flair's face. Flair sticks his jaw in Tygress' face... and gets a nasty left cross that decks him. Rey recovers his composure, and drags Flair over to the corner, dumping him in a heap. Tygress goes for the "face full o' stuff" bronco buster. Rey follows up Tygress with a "crotch full o' schnozz" bronco buster of his own. Flair looks kind of squooshy at this point, and gets walloped by a Rey top-turnbuckle guillotine legdrop. It's academic. Cover, 1,2,3!
Your winner: Rey Mysterio, Jr.
It's "Comic Interlude" time, as Coach Kevin Nash drags his Natural Born Thrillers down to the ring, and bellows for Sean Stasiak to get his butt out there.
Looks like Stasiak's about to get what's coming to him.
Sean Stasiak comes out... and Kronik comes out along with him!
Schaivone opines that Stasiak has paid for the best bodyguards in the business...
Which would work, except for Commissioner Sanders, who promptly bars Kronik from the ring area, leaving Stasiak stranded in The Wrong Part of Town.
Nash, grinning hugely, says that Stasiak is S.O.L. tonight.
The NBT's move in menacingly...
...until Mike Sanders says sorry, Coach, but it's not Stasiak who's S.O.L....
Whereupon Chuck Palumbo waffles Nash right in the back of the head. The rest of the NBT's pile in, with Stasiak pounding on Nash...
...and I am jumping up and down, just howling like a butcher at the ensuing carnage!
Justice is FINALLY done.
What's Booker T doing out here?
MAKING THE SAVE??!!
Who scripted this outrage?!
ON second thought, it's not a bad idea, because
1. This sets up a possible Nash/Booker T alliance, with Nash watching Booker T's back against Scott Steiner. And Nash will probably backstab him in the end.
2. It also strengthens the treachery factor of the NBT's BIG TIME! Ungrateful little snots!
Backstage again. Nash is being seen to by the medics. Much testosterone-enhanced growling and roaring.
Mean Gene "stick-in-the-bazoo" spot, this time with Lex Luger and Bam B. Bigelow. Could the topic of discussion be...?
Ah! Goldberg. I thought so.
The "Three Way Dance" match later on is a moot point for these two. Neither cares who pins "Da Man," just so he gets pinned, and thrown out of WCW.
Match #5: Lance Storm (w/ Team Canada) d. Meng (w/ Kwee-Wee & Paisley), Count-out on Meng, 3:02)
Lance Storm does the "Let me be serious, etc." bit, then runs down the USA and the island of Tonga. About three bars of "Oh, Canada" plays. This brings out Meng (w/ bad hair day) along with Kwee-Wee & Paisley.
As Meng and Kwee-Wee head for the ring, Paisley heads for the announcer's table to do color commentary on the match. We learn that Kwee-Wee's alter ego is named "Angry Alan," and that we don't want to get him angry. Makes sense, sort of. Meng's tossing Storm around the ring like a rag doll. Storm heads outside the ring to regroup. Meng pursues. He chases off "PrimeTime" Elix Skipper, slugs Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and tosses Storm back in the ring. More rag doll action by Meng, unitl Duggan climbs up on the ring apron to interfere. Big Meng fist to Duggan's considerable schnozz. Skipper blindsides Meng with a Grey Cup ring shot to the back of the head. Kwee-Wee changes into "Angry Alan," and goes after Skipper. Duggan and Skipper double-team Kwee-Wee at ringside. Meng plasters Storm on the canvas with a huge Samoan Drop, then bails out to save Kwee-Wee. Duggan and Skipper sacrifice themselves via submission to the Double Tongan Death Grip long enough for the referee to 10-count Meng out of the ring, giving the match to Lance Storm. Or what's left of him, anyway.
Post-match, Storm and Kwee-Wee go nose-to-nose. Though what could possibly be a very interesting, impromptu match between the two evaporates when Meng comes back into the ring, seeking condign retribution from Team Canada.
Match #6: Booker T. d. Mike Awesome, WCW World Heavyweight Title Defense, ("Book-End" finisher/pin, 9:14)
This is, what, the third time these two have contested the Title?
And a good thing it is, because you've got two consummate professionals trying as hard as they can to give the fans a great match. This one doesn't disappoint, as Booker T and Awesome start the show with a great chain-wrestling series. I am more and more impressed with the skill and, what's more, the agility of Mike Awesome! Near seven feet tall, and he does moves that would give a cruiserweight pause.
Awesome drags Booker T outside the ring early on, for some good ol' "ECW"- style brawling. Chair to the skull. Bodyslam against the apron edge. Body slam to the floor. Awesome rolls the somewhat shopworn Booker T back into the ring
Cross-corner whip followed up with a clothesline. Table time! Awesome sets the table up as a "leaner" in the corner. Cross-ring whip. Booker T reverses, but Awesome slams on the brakes, and nails Booker T with a stiff-arm clothesline shot. Awesome scoops Booker T up and sets for the running Awesome Bomb through the table. Booker T almost escapes the hold, but Awesome's massive strength allows him to hang on and complete the Awesome Bomb. Cover by Awesome, 1,2, Booker T kicks out! Awesome can't believe Booker T kicked out, and neither can I! The crowd is really into this match, with fans standing at ringside hollering and cheering. Awesome clotheslines Booker T again, then goes up to the top turnbuckle. Are we gonna get an Awesome Splash? No! Booker T ducks away at the last possible moment, and Awesome hits HARD, and face-first.
The momentum shifts to the Champ, as Booker T begins to take control. A couple of Big Right Hands, and Booker's chopping away at Awesome, who's swaying like a tree in a storm. Cross-corner whip, and Booker T hangs on for a Victory Roll that almost gets a pin, but Awesome kicks out. Neckbreaker and another cover, but no pin-fall. Cross-corner whip and a Sidewalk Slam. Cover, 2-count. Cross-ring whip and a boot to the gut doubling Awesome over. AXE-KICK, but Booker's exhausted and cant' make the pin attempt. Power surge from Booker T, "spin-eroonie", (I HATE that word!). Cross-corner whip, Harlem Sidekick! This sets up the "Book-End" and Booker T gets the win.
Great match! Near PPV quality. Booker T may be the Champ, but Mike Awesome is his best contender.
Hey, here's a NEW FACE! And a VERY pretty face it is, too. Ladies & Gentlemen, meet Ms. Lynn Ericson. Wouldn't you just love being Mean Gene right about now? Her interviewee is Mr. Robert Sapp, former Minnesota Viking football player. He's being trained by Mr. Sam Greco, he of the scary visage and bad attitude. Mr. Sapp is as new (and as green!) to the art of cutting a promo in WCW as Ms. Ericson is. Mr. Sapp is following Mr. Greco's teaching that sounds an awful lot like "the bigger they are...!" A somewhat amateurish spot, but let's give the Ms. Ericson a chance, okay?
Match #7: Goldberg d. Lex Luger & Bam Bam Bigelow, Three Way Dance For Goldberg's Career, (Goldberg w/ Spear/Jackhammer on Bigelow, 4:48)
We get a pre-match bit of foolishness. Luger comes out (the camera angle makes him look OLD!) followed by Mr. Bigelow.
Instead of Goldberg, (what the...?) we get Kronik. Brian Adams and Bryan Clark amble down to the ring. Luger and Bam Bam eye them with some trepidation, probably wondering if Goldberg's paid Kronik to "take out the trash" for him?
Whoops, Kronik's not here for that, as they shanghai referee Scott Armstrong, and nail him to the canvas with their "High Times" finisher.
Hey, wasn't Kronik talking with the Boogie Knights earlier? And didn't Armstrong referee their match? And wasn't there some controversy about his giving Konnan a fast-count pinfall?
Boy, paybacks really ARE a bitch!
Backstage, we see the Boogie Knights making the payoff to Kronik. Suddenly, we get Goldberg's "End of the World" music, and Goldberg himself making his usual three-county trek to the ring. Is anybody else out there getting tired of this foolishness? Once in the ring, Goldberg gets medieval, smiting the foe hip and thigh. Luger gets tossed in a corner. Bigelow grabs Goldberg, and pinions his arms, allowing Luger to pound on him for a bit. Bigelow and Luger play to the crwd for a bit, while Goldberg catches his breath. Bigelow and Luger start putting the boot in, then dump Goldberg out of the ring. Cross-ringside whip by bam Bam gets reversed,and Goldberg whips Bigelow into the railing hard. Same goes for Luger. Bigelow recovers and wallops Goldberg, then rolls him back into the ring. Luger still outside, breathing hard. Crosscorner whip by Bigelow, who sets for his "Greetings From Asbury Park" finisher. Goldberg wiggles free, and shoves (!) Bigelow into the same turnbuckle stack. Bigelow staggers out, turns...
Spear to Bigelow. Luger, watching from ringside, departs in disgust. Jackhammer by Goldberg, cover, 1,2,3! (17-0)
Post-match, Goldberg's standing on the bottom rope shouting abuse at Luger. Luger, standing on the ramp, just smiles benignly. He's still going to face Goldberg at the "WCW Mayhem PPV." For which event Tony, Mike, and Stevie Ray shill unmercifully, as we see the
A good show. There are still some small missed spots, and a couple of blown gimmicks, but Thunder has come a long way from the un-watchable mess it used to be, just three months ago. Terry Taylor, Johnny Ace, and the rest of the WCW "talent" are to be congratulated for a good job this week.
Nitro's from "Merrie England" next week. Wonder what they'll do?
Guess I'll have to tune in...
See you next week.
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