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WCW Thunder by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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MainBLAH |
"You may be a king Or a little street sweeper But sooner or later You'll dance with The Reaper." This is the WCW Thunder report for Wednesday, 15 November 2000. You will all please forgive The Reaper this week. I received a rather large work order from the Guy Upstairs. The Time: Anytime between now and Thanksgiving. Place: Palm Beach County, Florida, United States of America, Planet Earth. The Target: Everybody who's too stupid to punch a ballot, and then complain about it. If there's one thing the Guy Upstairs can't abide it's blatant, philistine pig-ignorance. He gave you all brains and basic motor skills, and He gets REALLY peeved when you don't use them! The only thing worse in His eyes is any person who promotes blatant philistine pig-ignorance for the furthering of their own agenda. He's left THEIR disposition up to my discretion. Pardon me while I rub my ten finger bones together in gleeful anticipation. I think I'll take the BIG scythe this time. Though I always have trouble getting it through the metal detector at the airport. Hmmmm... VERY patriotic Nitro recap. Scott Steiner and his lead pipe are much in evidence Booker T finally reaches "The Edge." And looks down. You know he'll lose a lot of friends there... We are live on tape from the birthplace of the railroad and the Industrial Revolution. This is also the home of the richest sports franchise on the planet, the Manchester United football team, (that's "soccer" for you Yanks) in the sunny United Kingdom. NOTHING will stand the hairs up on the back of your neck like hearing a whole stadium full of die-hard Manchester United fans roaring, literally with one voice: "WE WIL-L-L ... WE WIL-L-L... ROCK YOU!" You can see why the Brits ruled the world. They were great once. Time to be great again. Nice shot by Mr. Cameraman of the smiling, happy fans entering the arena. Well, now, here's Mr. Scott Steiner come to pick up the rest of his chain-mail union suit. The incredibly pneumatic Midajah is the requisite three paces behind, and is dragging a straitjacket. "WHERE'S STING!" he asks a polite security guard. "Well, sir, I believe..."(points into the arena) "...that he's- OOOFF!" This last is uttered because Steiner just shoved him through a set of swinging doors. "He's out of control!" hollers Tony Schiavone. "'Out of control??' What ELSE is new?" retorts Mike Tenay. Opening credits. Juvy's still there. I foresee a house in the Seychelles for this kid. Your announce team is Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Stevie Ray. Though I currently have "bigger fish to fry," (Get that, Palm Beach?) I've still got my eye on you guys. Match #1: Reno d. Big Vito, ("Roll the Dice" finisher after interference by Jindrak & O'Haire/pin, 3:20) Reno comes down to the ring, only to have Vito grab him by the pigtail and try to yank it off. Reno grabs Vito's ankles and drags him outside the ring. Pier Six brawl on the floor for about a minute, with the fans cheering like crazy. Reno finally dominates with an eye-poke, clouts Vito a good one and rolls him back into the ring. Annoying "iwatch" bug zips onto the screen, then disappears. Vito and Reno are trading chops ("Whooo!"), just makin' some firewood! Reno pounds Vito with three Big Right Hands, dropping him to the mat. "Puttin' the boot in" time, cross-ring whip by Reno with a boot to the gut and a double mule kick to the sternum. Vito sells the move like he's been hit by a lorry. Cross-ring whip by Reno, who hits a speedy belly-to-belly suplex, schoolboy punchdown for a bit, then a big knee drop across Vito's noggin. While this mayhem is in progress, Schiavone is busy trying to construct a story arc for these two out of whole cloth. Seems Reno apparently insulted or forcibly seduced Big Vito's lovely sister, Maria. Stevie Ray can't believe these two are getting this hot over some "yak." After a boot to the face, Reno tries an Avalanche, but gets it countered with a running clothesline by Vito. Mafia Kick levels Reno. Big Vito stands Reno up in the corner. Chops ("Whooo!") in bunches, then a turnaround whip and a boot to the breadbasket. Double underhook suplex, and Vito goes up top. Flying elbow drop by Vito and a cover, 1,2, no! Northern Lights suplex and a bridge, cover, 1,2, Reno gets a shoulder up. Fallaway belly-to-back suplex. Vito plays to the crowd, then goes up top. Tries for the flying headbutt, but Reno's just too far away, and Vito softens the landing accordingly. Mark Jindrak & Sean O'Haire come out. Vito clobbers Jindrak, but gets nailed with an O'Haire superkick, allowing Reno to 'Roll the Dice" and score the pin and the win. Post-match, Reno gets on the stick and calls out Crowbar. Reno wants his Hardcore Title back, so if Crowbar's still "feelin' lucky at the Mayhem PPV, c'mon and Roll the Dice and take a chance!" Videotape of WCW Chief Executive Officer Ric Flair is backstage, surrounded by potted plants. CEO Flair: 1. expects a response TONIGHT from Mike Sanders about his defense of the WCW Cruiserweight Title. 2. Bam Bam Bigelow gets a shot at the WCW Hardcore Title tonight against Crowbar, and 3. says that Mayhem will be the last time General Rection and Lance Storm will fight over the WCW US Title. I smell an angle change in the offing. Oh, and he's the CEO of WCW. Whooo! Commercials. Mean Gene in the H-o-o-u-u-s-se! Okerlund's got Team Canada backstage. Lance Storm changes the Title belt back to the Canadian Title with yet another Canadian flag sticker. Why don't y'all use velcro like Al Gore does with his toupee? Hacksaw Jim Duggan's in full-bore kayfabe mode, just "gurning" (look it up!) like a maniac. Storm wants Booker T's World Heavyweight Title tonight. The phrase "reach exceeds grasp" springs to mind. PrimeTime Elix Skipper looks on adoringly. As Team Canada stalks off, Tylene "Major Gunns" Buck tells Gene "Don't blame Canada, blame yourself!" and shoves Gene's microphone away. "And to think I once had the hots for her," says Mean Gene, "Why, she's nothing but a self-serving BITCH!" Whoa! Tone down that intensity, Mean-o Gene-o! As Stevie Ray says, why you getting this hot over some "yak?" Match #2: Crowbar d. Bam Bam Bigelow (Outside interference/missed giant splash through table/pin, 6:07) WCW World Hardcore Title defense. We got trashcans (er, 'scuse me, "dustbins." It is the UK, you know!) o' plunder hung from the four ring posts again. As Crowbar does his in-ring powerslam-of-himself routine, Mr Bigelow tosses not one, but twotables into the ring. he leans a third against the railing. Must be expecting a busy night, huh? Bigelow enters the ring, and Crowbar waffles him with a dustbin. Bigelow tumbles out of the ring, followed by Crowbar. Whoops, bad move, as Bigelow's playing possum. Crowbar gets tossed onto a table leaning on the steel guardrail. "Ooooohhh!" goes the crowd. Chyron shrieking "WCW MAYHEM 11 DAYS AWAY!!" zooms onto then off my telly. Get your storm cellars and bomb shelters stocked NOW! You've been warned! Bigelow leans the table against the ring apron. Chair-pummels and dustbin-wallops abound, then Crowbar hits a power surge and puts Bigelow THROUGH the table. "OOOOHHHHH!" goes the crowd. Both men roll back into the ring. Singapore cane-shot to Bigelow's noggin. Bigelow bodyslams Crowbar on a dustbin. Bigelow sets up a "leaner' in the far corner. His atempt to powerslam crowbar through it gets blocked. Crowbar then attempts the impossible, that of powerslamming 400 lbs of Bam Bam Bigelow. Bigelow counters, and then tosses Crowbar against the table, which cracks but doesn't break. Bigelow then SHOVES Crowbar THROUGH the table, shattering it. Bigelow's attempted "'Ho' Train" finisher gets derailed when Crowbar ducks to one side, and Bigelow's bulk grinds the remains of the table into wood pulp and steel. Bigelow rolls to the outside, and Crowbar does a vaulting cross-body block over the top rope to the floor that levels the big man. Chair shot by crowbar, who leaps back into the ring. Crowbar tries a cruise missile through the ring ropes, only to get a Bigelow chair shot right in the head. Yeowtch! Crowbar, unconscious, gets tangled in the ropes. Chairshot by Bigelow across the back of the neck. Crowbar hits another powers surge and leaps off the ring apron, hitting Bigelow with a flying dropkick. Bigelow, momentarily stunned, recovers enough to forestall Crowbar's assault with a well-placed chair shot to the kidneys. Chair shot to the head, and down goes Crowbar. Both men crawl back into the ring, where Bigelow slams a flattened dustbin wallop on Crowbar that's just GOTTA hurt. Crowbar's selling the staggering "walking wounded' act like crazy, as Bigelow sets up a table in the ring. Bigelow pummels Crowbar on top of the table, then rolls him underneath, to "Ground Zero." Bigelow goes up top, as Mike Tenay's hollering that Bigelow's gonna collapse the table on top of Crowbar... ...and here comes "That 70's Guy" Mike Awesome to the ring to save his buddy. Awesome grabs Crowbar with one hand, while simultaneously shoving Bigelow with the other. Crowbar gets zipped out of the ring, while Bigelow eats a whole lot of Heywood-Wakefield All-Purpose Commercial-grade School Lunchroom table. Awesome extricates Bigelow from the wreckage, (the ring looks like the last act of "Twister"), and put Crowbar on top of him, giving Crowbar the pin and the win. Commercials. Mean Gene's "mic.-in-the-bazoo" time again, this time with WCW World Heavyweight Champ Booker T, and man, is he one provoked individual, (especially with that stupid "iwatch" bug buzzing around his ear!) No respect from anybody, and he's been here since 1992. Scott Steiner's who he's after. As for Lance Storm, welcome to hell! Backstage, as Mike Awesome is tending to the injured Crowbar, both men get waffled by an enraged Bam Bam Bigelow. Mr. Bigelow is much put out by Mr. Awesome's interference, and says so, albeit his enraged state makes most of what he says unintelligible. As a "Clown Car o' Security Guyz" empties close by, Bigelow and Awesome exchange the names of their seconds. Bigelow's dragged off to 'Time-out." Doug Dellinger is hollering at Bigelow: "No recess for YOU, young man!" "Maybe a nice session of banging erasers is needed to improve that attitude of yours..." Oops, 'scuse me. I was having a flashback to parochial school. Sister Mary Catherine. Brrrr! I still get chills just thinking about her. Backstage, the MIA guys sit morosely around a table. Cajun is moodily twirling his dog-tags. Rection's playing solitaire, but not looking at the cards, since he just played a red ten on a black queen. Sgt. A-Wall is glowering and sucking his thumb. Over to Lt. Loco, who thinks that, after Mayhem, the MIA's should spend some time apart from each other. Bickering ensues until Rection tells them all to shut the hell up. Team Canada is the target, and the MIA's need to pull together, because if they don't, they really ARE misfits. Rection welds the group back together by giving them a common enemy in tonight's Cruiserweight tournament: Elix Skipper. "Uh-oh!" goes Mike Tenay. Match #3: Kwee-Wee (w/Paisley) d. "PrimeTime" Elix Skipper (w/Major Gunns) d. Rey Mysterio, Jr. (w/ horns and Tygress) d. Billy Kidman (also w/ Tygress, but no horns) d. Lt. Loco d. Cpl. Cajun ( Victory Roll, 6:35) in a Six Man Four-Corners Elimination tournament for the #1 Contender spot to face Mike Sanders for the WCW Cruiserweight Title. Whew! What a mouthful! Stevie Ray wants Schiavone to tell him how you get six men into four corners? Schiavone says he doesn't know, but that the six men in this tournament had also better watch the three "yaks" at ring-side. This cracks Tenay and Stevie Ray up. "I don't believe it! He said "YAK!" He said "YAK!" chokes Tenay. "You took the words right out of my head, Tony," guffaws Stevie Ray. The match opens with Lt. Loco and Elix doing some cross-ring work, which Loco stops with a snap clothesline that knocks Elix's do-rag right off his head. Quick chain-wrestling series of holds and go-behinds, and Elix shoves Loco into the ropes. Major Gunns grabs his ankle to trip him up, but Loco steadies himself with the rope, and makes a grab for Gunns' ummm, hair. I guess. Skipper tries a waistlock, but Loco reverses it into a towering vertical suplex. Paisley has a few choie words for Gunns, who slaps the back of Paisley's head when she turns to go. Paisley rounds on Gunns, and the Look she has on her face could melt steel. As they pass Tygress, Gunns swats at Tygress' head as well, then blames it on Paisley. Tygress and Paisley get into a shoving match, with poor ("poor?") referee Charles Robinson caught in the middle trying to break it up. There's something going on in the ring but Mr. Cameraman knows what you fans want to see, don't he? The MIA's version of the "yak" arrives at ringside. One Sgt. A-Wall. He stalks up to Gunns, who promptly paintbrushes him. A-Wall shakes it off, and goes "RAAARRRRR!!" in her face from about a foot away. Gunns does an impression of how plate tectonics works. This brings out Doug Dellinger and his (somewhat disheveled and very tired) Security Guys, who promptly drag Sgt. A-Wall to the back. Charles Robinson's finally had enough as well, and sends ALL the yaks to the back. Stevie Ray says that they're being sent back to "Yak University." Meanwhile, back in the ring, (there IS a wrestling match going on, you know!) Loco and Skipper are going through the chain-wrestling series again. Tag to Cpl. Cajun, and Skipper gets double-teamed for a bit by the MIA's. Robinson tries to break up the double-team, and gets manhandled n the process. This offends Robinson's tender sensibilities, because he DQ's both Loco and Cajun. Commercials. Kickimus. Maximus. Buttimus. Got that right! Next up are Kidman and Kwee-Wee, who really put on a high-flying show. Man, it is hard to believe that this is the same Alan "Kwee-Wee" Funk, who only last March was having to deal with the likes of Barry Horowitz! Say what you want, but the guy's got talent. Matching him up against the veteran Billy Kidman is a stroke of genius, because these two put on quite a show for this cheering Manchester crowd. Kwee-Wee gets headscissored to the mat, and a follow-up baseball slide dropkick from Kidman. Tag by Kidman on Rey who zips in for the bronco-buster. PrimeTime nails Kidman with a missile dropkick. Skipper wallops Rey then whips him into the ropes. Rey does that whiz-around through the ropes thingie of his, only to get clotheslined out of the ring by Skipper. Keww-Wee and Skipper double-team Kidman, with Kwee-Wee hitting a tilt-a-whirl facebuster, lateral press, 1, 2, 3! Kidman's eliminated! As Kwee-Wee and Skipper celebrate the pinfall, Rey zooms in off the top rope, nailing Skipper with a senton, and forearming Kwee-Wee in the back of the head. Rey's all over the place, with fly moves, float-overs and go-behinds. Kwee-Wee catches him in a full nelson, then pinions Rey's arms so that Skipper can nail him with a top-rope spinning heel kick. Kwee-Wee gets the pin. Now there are two. Skipper waffles Kwee-Wee with an elbow to the back of the head. Snap belly-to-belly suplex puts Kwee-Wee down. Dragged back up, Skipper hits a fallaway powerslam on Kwee-Wee. Cover, 1,2, Kwee-Wee kicks out. "WCW MAYHEM 11 DAYS AWAY" again. This is becoming more than just an irritation, folks. Cross-ring whip by Skipper, and Kwee-Wee goes through the ropes to the floor. Out comes Hacksaw Jim Duggan to make sure that team Canada gets the victory. Out comes Meng to turn Duggan into a pile of oily rags. Skipper leans way over the ropes to grab a handful of Meng's "Bad Hair Day." Meng promptly pinions Skipper against the ropes, allowing Kwee-Wee to Victory Roll into a pin, and gets the 3-count for the victory. Afterwards, Kwee-Wee gets hoisted up on Meng's shoulder in celebration. Backstage... ...aw, for cryin' out loud! Okerlund's got the Boogie Knights. Alex Wright tells Okerlund to "watch your mouth, you bald, old, man!" Okerlund wants to know what they've been doing since Konnan and the Filthy Animals stooged them off to Ric Flair.Disqo says that Commissioner Sanders has granted them a tag-team match with Konnan, only Konnan can't use either of the Filthy Animals as his partner. "The way I see it," sneers Disqo, " ol' 'Arreebah lay Rayza's got about 30 minutes to find a partner!" Otherwise, what Disqo, it's a handicap match, right? Heh, heh. Word. "And to think I told him to burn that damn hat," mutters Mean Gene, "It's horrible!" Commercials. Mean Gene's really getting a workout tonight, because he's got Commissioner Mike Sanders backstage. Sanders isn't worried about the Cruiserweight Title match at Mayhem with Kwee-Wee. And, if Meng comes out, "he's S.O.L.!" Annoying "iwatch" bug zips in, then disappears. Well, now, let's hear from CEO Flair, who quickly points out that Sanders had 48 hours to pick an opponent to defend the WCW Cruiserweight Title against. "You were SERIOUS about that?" Sanders is incredulous. Since the 48 hours are up, and Sanders hasn't picked an opponent... "What about Kwee-Wee?" hollers Sanders. "Ah, but you're facing him at Mayhem. Since the 48 hours have expired, you defend your Title, in that ring, tonight. And I've had a special opponent flown in all the way from the USA, too! Getcher gear on, it's gonna be a party! Whoooo! Mean Gene, see YOU at the hotel! Whoo!" This week's "Tenay Shoots the Interview With..." finds Buff Bagwell on the couch. We learn that; 1. Buff is not a happy camper of late because 2. He doesn't get any respect from the other wrestlers, even though he 3. Has been in the business as long, if not longer than the Chosen One, jeff Jarrett, who seems to be getting all the breaks, and 4. As over as he is with the fans, Bagwell's not getting the respect he deserves, and therefore 5. He challenges Jeff Jarrett to a match at Mayhem, reminding all of us that 6. It was at his October '99 Nitro return debut that Jarrett walloped Buff-Daddy with a chair. Reason enough for a challenge, I suppose. Revenge IS a dish best eaten cold. Right? Commercials. Backstage, Sanders is on the phone with Jeff Jarrett, who needs favor vis a vis Bagwell. "Yes, Jeff I will make Buff's life a living hell!" Match #4: Booker T. d. Lance Storm (w/ Major Gunns & Team Canada), ("Book-End" finisher/pin, 6:56) WCW World Heavyweight Championship Title defense. Lance Storm and Major Gunns (w/ Canadian Flag and "maple leafs" akimbo) arrive in the ring. Footage from Nitro shows Storm winning the US/Canadian Title via swerve by Major Gunns. The way Tenay's talking, Gunns must be a lineal descendant of Judas Iscariot. Storm's "If I can be serious for a minute..." cracks the Brits up too! The rest is all abouit bringing the same dignity to the World Title that he has to the Canadiann Title, because he 's from Calgary...(Wait for it!) Alberta, Canada. All rise for the Canadian National Anthem. They get nearly all the way through it before... "Don't hate the Playa! Hate the Game!" Booker T is focussed, more focussed than ever before. Guess his trip to "The Edge" is a rough one. Booker does the four corners crowd pleaser, then bumps Storm crossing the ring. Storm shoves back, and they go nose to nose. They start with a whiz-bang series of chain-wrestling moves. Action spills out of the ring to the floor. Lots of back and forth action. Whoops, Major Gunns goes for the distraction on Booker T. Stevie Ray's near foaming at the mouth about "yaks at ringside!" Both men get back in the ring, where Storm takes control. Cross-ring whip and a jawbreaker from a Storm missile dropkick sends Booker T sailing through the ring ropes. Storm jaws with the crowd, then heads outside, too. Brawling on the floor, then back in the ring. Booker T sets up for his "Book End" finisher, but Storm escapes. Booker does hit a sort of axe kick, and then... "Go ahead, Stevie Ray, Madden won't care, " says Tony. "Spin-eroonie! Spin-eroonie! Ah, hahahaha," crows Stevie Ray. Harlem sidekick misses as Storm blocks it with a dropkick of his own. More brawling and Booker T Victory roll's Storm out of the corner for a pinfall. Storm keeps right on rolling, locking on his "Maple Leaf" submission hold, and dragging Booker T to the middle of the ring. With Stevie Ray shouting encouragement , Booker slowly, painfully drags himself to the ropes, and Storm has to break the hold. Storm's getting frustrated, and grabs a steel chair from ringside. Oops, bad move, as Booker T hits a neat-looking Van Daminator from the top turnbuckle. Cover,1,2, Storm kicks out! Both men to their feet, and Storm snap DDT's Booker on to the steel chair. Roll-over by Storm, lateral press,1,2, Booker kicks out. Storm climbs the turnbuckle stack, but Booker shortstops him with a top turnbuckle crotch job. Booker goes up, Book End, cover, that's all folks, and a clean pin to boot! Post-match, Major Gunns starts jawing with Booker, then paintbrushes him. Stevie Ray's near apoplectic with rage at this yak's presumption. Ah, it was a ruse, as the rest of Team Canada storm the ring to avenge their fallen leader. Jim Duggan is first in, and first gone. PrimeTime Elix Skipper gets an axe-kick of his very own. Gunns tries to waffle Booker with the Canadian flag, and gets a Book End for her troubles. Stevie Ray's howling with laughter at this. Booker, standing in the midst of his slain, glares about him as we go to Commercials. Backstage again. Alex Wright and Disqo discuss their upcoming match with Konnan. "Vat iff Kon-nan findz eh partt-nerr?" "You got any money?" asks Disqo. "Tchermanz alvayz haff munn-ee!" says Wright proudly. Disqo snatches the loot. "Vait! Vat iz ziss?" "I gotta plan..." "Zis izz un-beeleef-abul!" Match #5: CEO Flair's "Mystery Opponent" d. Mike Sanders (outside interference/DQ, let's call it 3:50 or so.) Sanders strolls down to the ring. Ric Flair comes out to the opening strains of 'Richard Strauss' "Also Sprach Zarathustra," which can barely be heard, (nor can the announcers) over the tremendous cheering of this hot Manchester crowd. Flair: "Hello Manchester what's happening tonight?" "Commissioner Sanders I got some good news and I got some bad news!" The good news is that he's in a non-Title match, so he's walking out with the belt afterwards. That is, if he CAN walk out because his cruiserweight opponent missed the weight limit by well over a hundred pounds. Flair does three "Whooos!" and the crowd responds each time. Don't tell ME he's not having fun! Sanders looks like somebody just vomited on his birthday cake. "Aarrrooooooooooo! Don't turn your back on the Wolf pack..." And out he comes. "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash, who's getting something he hasn't heard in almost a year; an honest-to-pete, no-joke, standing-on-their-feet, real, live crowd POP! Listen to that crowd. Lookit the grin on his face! Nash actually slaps hands with the fans... ...then, Nash gets a... (sweet mother!)... a HANDSHAKE from Ric Flair! Looks like all is forgiven with the front office, huh, fans? Oh well... Meanwhile, Sanders has apparently had a "shovel-and-sawdust cleanup" accident in his pants. Nash climbs in the ring. Sanders promptly bails out, doing the "Nonononono" routine. Then, reluctantly, he turns to, and climbs back in... ...and gets gut-kicked right off the bat. "Time to go to work, baby!" hollers Stevie Ray at Big Sexy. Big Right Hand by nash just about decapitates Sanders. Nash stands (leans, really) Sanders in the corner, then drives a couple of knee lifts into his midsection. Nash positions Sanders' chin, then wallops it with a big elbow. BIG BOOT on the throat, and Nash is using the ropes for added leverage. Tony's busily decrying the way that the Natural Born Thrillers treated Coach Nash, and after all he's done for them, too! Sanders goes airborne, landing halfway across the ring. Nash puts Sanders on his shoulder, and drops him face first onto the turnbuckle. Nash is just pushing the carcass of Mike Sanders around the ring with his boot. Cross-ring whip into a side suplex that shakes the whole ring. Hooks the leg, cover,1,2,Sanders kicks out! Nash can't believe it. Neither can the announcers. Backstage we see the NBT's in trying to get to the ring, are now brawling with Security. This image is switched to the Thunder-Vision, where Nash and Sanders can see what's going on. Nash grins real big, walks over to Sanders and mouths the word "boot." Cross-ring whip and Sanders eats a Big Boot. Sanders sells it like he got hit with a bazooka. Down come the straps, and it looks like the next two words Mike Sanders will hear will be "extended" and "hospitalization", when the NBT's come pouring down the ramp. No Jackknife Powerbomb this time, as Nash wallops Sean O'Haire right in the face. Chuck Palumbo gets the same thing, as does Sean Stasiak, Mark Jindrak, and Reno. Nash holds his own for a time, but in the end, he's overwhelmed, and the beat-down begins. Tenay is hollering for SOMEBODY to come out and save Kevin Nash as we go to Commercials. We come back, and Nash is being attended to by the WCW trainer, Danny Young, backstage. Looks like his left knee took a hit. Nash is gritting his teeth, and just biting back a cuss-word... Match #6: Boogie Knights d Konnan & his non-Filthy Animal Mystery... aw heck, its Ernest "The Cat" Miller, for pete's sake! ( Outside interference [ "High Times" from Kronik,] Disqo w/pin, 4:35) Boogie Knights make their way to the ring, as Alex Wright swats at the annoying "iwatch" bug. HUGE pop for Konnan from this Manchester crowd. "Yo yo yo lemme speak on this..." No thank you. Please get on with the match, Mr. Ashenoff. Konnan gets the best line of the evening when He says that the line to beat up Disqo was long. It probably stretched to the horizon. However, the winner for tonight is... (Cue the James Brown music) ...The Cat. (w/ Ms. Jones.) says that everybody in the locker room said the Boogie Knights were a lame joke, but HE's out there to kick their Natural Born Asses right NOW! Uhh, Cat, don't you mean "Boogie Knight" asses? No matter. Zoom! Off to the ring, and we are underway. Konnan rumbling with Alex Wright, doing that rolling suplex thingie. Disqo tries for the save, and we get a double-team on Konnan for a bit. The Cat comes in, and Disqo whomps on him. We get some Boogie Knights' boogie-down from Disqo, who tries to pop an elbow drop, but the Cat rolls out of the way. Tag to Konnan, kick to the gut on Disqo, STUNNER! Stone Cold would be proud. Then he'd kick Konnan's ass. What the...? Kronik's coming out, to a huge pop from the crowd, and are making their leisurely way to the ring. I guess we now know where Disqo spent Alex Wright's money, don't we? Kronik with the beat-down on Konnan. A sloppy-looking High Times, with Konnan landing wrong, and he's obviously hurt something. Disqo with the limp cover, 1,2,3! Your winners: Boogie Knights. Commercials. Mean Gene's got Lex Luger, who's reading Bill Goldberg's new book, and getting wroth at the lack of mention that he, Lex Luger has received therein. After al, it was Luger who discovered Goldberg, and brought him into WCW from a nowhere career in professional football, etc. etc. Okay, now, Mean Gene better step back, because ol' Flexy Lexy's ego gonna swell up an' just bust all OVER! Sheesh! Match #7: Bill Goldberg d. Buff Bagwell, (spear/jackhammer, 1:55) Goldberg walks to the ring with a yellow-jacketed Security entourage. No pause at the pyro. In the ring, Goldberg can be seen telling Buff, "I gotta do what I gotta do..." Buff gets in a Buff Blockbuster, then poses for the crowd. Goldberg no-sells Buff's signature finisher, thus squashing Bagwell's career even more. Spear/jackhammer, good night, Buff. (19-0 according to Tenay. Goldberg might want a recount.) Post-match, Goldberg pauses as he leaves the ring, then goes back and helps Bagwell to his feet. Both shake hands, and leave the ring together. Fortunately, they don't skip up the ramp holding hands. And isn't THAT a disturbing image? Commercials. We come back, and spot Booker T in his street clothes leaving the building. He's got a scowl on his face. Match #8: Sting d. Scott Steiner (w/ Midajah & lead pipe & strait jacket), (Scorpion Death Drop, 5:33) for the #1 Contender shot at the Championship Title after the Mayhem PPV. Steiner makes his entrance, then is encouraged to rage and snarl for the fans. Would somebody tell him to take the chainmail hat off? It looks ridiculous. Sting's entrance music fires up, but we fans are treated to another dose of Commercials. As Sting makes his entrance, (and we get the annoying "iwatch" bug thingie, again,) we go to footage of Sting's match from Monday Nitro in the London Arena, where guest referee Booker T nails Steiner with a Harlem Sidekick, and Sting gets the pin. Sting gets walloped by Steiner the minute he sets foot in the ring. The action quickly goes outside, as Steiner gets walloped with anything that's not nailed down at ringside. Back in the ring, Sting cross-corner whips Steiner, then nails him with a bulldog. Sting hollers his war cry, then lands a Stinger Splash. Steiner sells it like he just broke both knees. Stinger Splash again. Third time and Steiner's wise to what's coming, grabbing Sting in mid-air and nailing a vicious belly-to-belly suplex on him. Cross-ring whip and a clothesline sends Sting to the mat. Big Poppa Pump Elbow Drop. Steiner does a quick 10-set of pushups, backbreaker drops Sting to the mat. Lateral press, hook the leg, 2 count only. Steiner's chasing the referee, snarling about the long count. He stomps on Sting some more, and does another belly-to-belly suplex, but only comes up with a 2-count again! Now Steiner's really mad at the ref. who's cowering in a corner. A couple of knee lifts rock Sting, who falls face first onto the mat. Strappado by Steiner, but Sting hits a power surge and turns the move around, Steiner breaks the hold, and goes for another belly-to-belly and a cover,1,2, Sting kicks out, and Steiner's chasing the referee, for the third time. Sting gets tied to the Tree of Woe, and Steiner goes outside to choke Sting against the bottom turnbuckle. Steienr climbs back in the ring, and does another set of push-ups. Sting falls off the tree, and recovers while Steiner jaws with the crowd. Steiner goes back to work, only to get his head bounced off the turnbuckle about ten times. A cross-ring whip by Steiner, and Sting does a neat float-over into a standing crucifix. Steiner's struggling to break the hold, and finally does, only to have Sting slip the hold and convert it into the Scorpion Death Drop. Cover, hook the leg, 1,2,3! Sting wins! Post-match, Midajah delays Sting from leaving the ring long enough for Steiner to wallop him with the lead pipe. Sting gets the straitjacket, more licks with the pipe, and finally the Steiner Recliner. Tony, Mike and Stevie Ray squeal like little girls about "Mayhem" and we are done. Closing Credits. Good show, with a hot crowd. You can really tell when the wrestlers feel an enthusiatic crowd behind them: it's almost synergistic. I'm off to Palm Beach County to "cull the herd." See you next week. E.C. Ostemeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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