WCW Thunder by E.C. Ostermeyer
WCW Thunder is on the air!
Coming to you live on tape from the Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, VA.
Pay no attention to those people heading for the exits.
Film montage with a "spooky-bloo" paint job. Looks sort of like a fever dream, doesn't it?
Yow! Scott Steiner's rumpled face speaks! Anybody else think his voice is abnormally high and femmy-sounding for such a slab-sided muffin bag?
I understand he wears the chain-link fence on his head to "stop the gummint from controlling my mind!"
Out comes CEO Ric (Ratings!) Flair to toss some more sand into the gears of the Scott Steiner juggernaut. Three Way Dance at the Sin PPV for your Title there, Michelin Man, and, oh yeah, Flair's got a mystery contender lined up.
(Road Dogg? We hope?)
Here's the footage of the contender's tourney, which Jeff Jarrett wins. Footage of Steiner raging through backstage and hollering for Flair. Steiner charges down a hallway at Flair, who ducks through a doorway and tosses an extra chunky can of whoopass at Steiner, said can supposed to be Steiner's brother, Rick, but is, in actuality, Robbie Rage in a fat suit.
Flash forward, and here we are in Ric Flair's limo. Ol' Naitch runs the card for the evening;
Tag-team Battle Royal, a six-man tag match between Kronik, Goldberg's next opponent at the Sin PPV will be announced, and Scott Steiner's mystery opponent will be in the arena tonight.
Juvy's gone, replaced by Rey Mysterio. Vampiro's still there, though...
Pyro in the entry, and on the four ring posts. Anybody got any marshmallows?
The overhead lighting grid blows a couple of fuses, and we get flames shooting up back in the entryway.
We get Tony Schiavone hollering : "You want stars? WE GOT STARS! You want wrestling action? WE GIT WRESTLING ACTION!"
"I...AM...OZ-Z-Z-Z-Z...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL! STEP FORWARD, TIN-MAN-N-N-N!"
Oops, sorry, wrong show.
Doing your ringside play-by-play are "The Perfesser" Mike Tenay, "Straight-shootin' Stevie Ray (Hooray, he's back!) and, aw darn, that Schiavone guy, too.
First down the ramp is Jamie Knoble, who is followed momentarily by WCW Cruiserweight Champ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. Hey, nice touch using his cousin Eddie's former WCW entrance music, guys.
Chavo's pretty good on the stick, too, as he tells Shane Helms, who's lurking backstage, that if Jamie Knoble wins the match tonight, then Helms isn't the #1 contender, Chavo is.
Sheesh, this is more complicated than doing the genealogy on the Hapsburg emperors.
Stevie Ray can't figure it out, to which Tony responds "Maybe that's why you're so grumpy all the time."
Hey, Tone-ster! He's grumpy because he has to work with YOU for 120 minutes!
Match #1: Chavo Guerrero Jr. d. Jamie Knoble, (Frog Splash/Brain Buster/pin, 5:53) WCW Cruiserweight Title defense.
Both Knoble and Guerrero open with a great series of chain wrestling moves, with several quick pinning attempts by both wrestlers. Knoble begins to dominate early on. Stevie Ray says that, since he took the hood off his head, Jamie Knoble's become a more complete wrestler. Tenay rejoins that, since he left the Jung Dragons' shadow, Knoble has come into his own as a singles wrestler. Flying head scissors from Knoble sends Chavo crashing through the ropes to the outside.
Chavo regroups a ringside, and nearly gets counted out. Once back I the ring, Knoble rolls Chavo up in a Victory Roll for a pin attempt, but Chavo kicks out. This marks the end of the lucha libre segment of this contest, as Chavo starts slugging Knoble with rights and lefts. Looks like Chavo's turning up the intensity some more with a knee to the "in-seam" area.
"That was a low blow!" said Stevie Ray.
"A groin shot," said Schiavone
"That was slightly lower than a low blow," said Stevie Ray.
Meanwhile, Chavo grapevines both of Knoble's legs, and rocks back, hot-shotting Knoble's throat off the bottom rope. There's a blatant choke hold by Chavo that gets a 4 count.
Tony says that this is a sort of "Jekyll and Hyde" personality that Chavo's got.
Drop kick to Knoble's mush, and a cover, 1,2, no.
Knoble manages a brief offense, but Chavo tosses him into the corner and starts punching again.. Knoble hits a power surge, and nails Chavo with a neckbreaker that nobody saw coming, not even Stevie Ray. Pin attempt by Knoble gets nothing. Cross-ring whip by Knoble, who then does a leaping double dropkick to Chavo's head, flattening him once again. Big back body drop, and Chavo's in trouble. Chavo pleads for a time out, but Knoble wallops him, then sets him on the top turnbuckle. Out comes Shane Helms, who hangs onto Knoble's leg, countering Knoble's possible superplex of Chavo. Chavo promptly shoves Knoble off the top turnbuckle, fetching him up in the center of the ring. Frog Splash by Chavo from the top turnbuckle, followed by a brain buster, and that's all for Mr. Knoble.
Helms is still on the ramp, telling Chavo that it's still on between them at the Sin PPV.
1-800-Collect Replay shows Shane Helms making sure he gets the Title shot by helping Chavo win the match tonight.
Mean Gene Okerlund's got Crowbar and Daffney backstage. Crowbar's back in his old "Crowbar" persona, ripped jeans and all. Daffney's wearing a fluorescent green wig and a top that says "Booger" on it. Crowbar owes his changing back to the real him to Daffney.
"It's not easy being green, Gene," says Daffney.
"Sure," says Gene, giving her a Look.
As for tonight's match with Bam Bam Bigelow, Crowbar likens his opponent to "a bad rash that just won't go away! That ambulance is backstage for a purpose, Bigelow! I'm starting a legacy, and you're first on my list!"
As for Terry Funk, "You used to be my idol, but at Sin, it's time for you to pass the torch to the leader," namely crowbar.
Backstage, the Cat and Ms. Jones arrive on a Yamaha Kodiak ATV. The Cat asks CEO Flair to put him in a match with Scott Steiner tonight. Flair's way ahead of him, having already booked the match.
"Make it happen, man!" says Flair.
"Hey," says the Cat, "how come you got a limo and I got this little ATV thing?" "Because I'm the CEO, man," says Flair.
Ah, yes, livin' large and in charge!
Tony shills the TBS Superstation Hardcore Holiday Sweepstakes, while the rules for said contest zoom by on the screen in little tiny print.
Hey, what's this about? This clause here that says the contest winner has to be opponent #150 for Goldberg?
I don't want a Yamaha Kodiak THAT BAD!
Mean Gene's got Bam Bam Bigelow, (aka the "Rash") who is wroth about Crowbar's comments earlier in the show. Bam Bam had a revelation on his last ride to the hospital, (What's that bright light? Gran'ma? Is that you?) and he became self-aware as the true WCW Hardcore Champ. (Huh? Are you sure you saw Gran'ma?) Crowbar, you talk about starting a legacy, but you're not gonna have any legs-to-see (Haw! Cute pun!) when I get done with you tonight!"
Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes to the ring, wearing his street clothes. In a tearful apology, Duggan owns up to his joining Team Canada was done for selfish reasons, and that he's sorry about what he put his Dad, his kids, his wife, and the fans through. The wrestling experts said "Hacksaw, you're done. You're retired!" He couldn't take that, so he turned his back on his country for one more chance in the sun. he hopes the fans will forgive him for disappointing them. "You folks may not remember Hacksaw Jim Duggan, but I will remember you!"
WCW Upcoming Events Calendar:
12/22 Memphis, TN (Nitro)
1/14 Indianapolis, IN (WCW "SIN" PPV)
1/21 Columbia, SC
1/22 Winston-Salem, NC (Nitro)
Backstage, Duggan's heading for the parking lot. Mike Awesome stops him, and begs him to reconsider retirement. Dugan says no, he's done.
"You still got it, man! If you can stay here, it would be an honor to give you a ride home tonight." Duggan accepts.
Mean Gene's got the Natural Born Thrillers. Topic for discussion is the Tag-team Battle Royal for later tonight. "What happens, Commissioner, if these four men, (Jindrak & O'Haire, and the Perfect Event) are pitted against each other?"
Commissioner Mike Sanders says for Gene not to worry, tonight's al about strategy. " Okerlund makes the mistake of letting Sean Stasiak talk, who says that nothing's going to come between the Thrillers, tonight or any night.
As the NBT's walk off, Gene says "Personally, I hope the other guys beat the hell out of them!"
Backstage, Duggan meets Gen'l. Rection. "Though we may have had our differences, Hacksaw, I respect you for owning up to your mistake. This is about families, and taking care of our own. I understand. And I forgive you, man!" Rection hugs Duggan, who's getting weepy-er by the minute.
Anybody out there think we've seen the last of Hacksaw Jim Duggan?
Show of hands? Anybody? Anybody at all?
Y'all are getting way too smart for this business.
As the contestants for the Tag-team Battle Royal make their way to the ring,
(first out are Three Count, followed by the Jung Dragons w/ Leia Meow,)
Stevie Ray says he doesn't buy it, that Duggan's pulling the same "I'm retired" stunt he did three months ago, and that he expects us to fall for it a second time.
(Meng arrives w/ Kwee Wee & Paisley. Kwee Wee's wearing pink, spangly MC Hammer pants. Paisley looks positively scrumptious. Meng's 'Fro is working overtime.)
"Well, Mike Awesome and Gen'l. Rection apparently bought it!" says Tenay. Stevie Ray gives a snort of derision.
(More "mat fodder, in the form of The Harris Boys, who arrive at ringside.)
The bell rings, even though we've got four more teams yet to make their entrance.
Match #2: Natural Born Thrillers (w/ Mike Sanders) d. Filthy Animals, (w/ Tygress) d. Meng & Kwee Wee (w/ Paisley), d. the Harris Boys, d. Three Count, d. Jamie Knoble & Evan Karagias d. Yung Dragons (w/ Leia Meow), (WCW Commissioner stops contest, we saw about 10:00 or so.) WCW Tag-team Battle Royal for the #1 Contender's spot, Modified Battle Royal rules in effect.
(The modification to the Battle Royal rules is that if either member of a tag team is pinned or tossed from the ring, both members of the team are out.
Jamie Knoble and Evan Karagias are out next, as a scrum erupts in the ring. Knoble's still feeling the effects of Chavo's frog splash/brain buster combo, but Karagias doesn't care. The Filthy Animals are next The NBT's arrive, and take their own sweet time getting to the ring. Reno also comes out with Mike Sanders. We got a real Pier Six brawl going on. First out of the ring is Yun Yang of the Jung Dragons, and Leia Meow is NOT happy! Stevei Ray asks if one member of the NBT's is tossed. To all members of the NBT get tossed with him?
("Ummmmm, no!" says Mike Tenay. "It SHOULD!" growls Stevie Ray.) Next to be eliminated is the team of Evan Karagias & Jamie Knoble when Jindrak tossed Karagias out of the ring. One of the harris Boys tries to toss Rey Mysterio, Jr. over the top rope, bt Rey hangs on, and "skins the cat" to get back in the fight.
3 Count go over the top rope together, and are out of the competition, courtesy of Meng & Rey Mysterio, Jr., with Shannon Moore of 3 Count hurting his leg in the process. As Stevie Ray and Tony Schiavone discuss the finer aspects of a battle Royal, out comes Big Vito to waffle Reno at ringside. Vito bounces reno's noggin off the steel guardrail;, and then decides to gnaw on Reno's forehead. Mike Sanders goes to Reno's aid, but gets kendo-sticked by, of all people, Johnny the Bull!
"Isn't he one of the Thriillers?" hollers Tony.
"We haven't seen Johnny the Bull since Australia!" says tenay.
Bull and Vito have a bit of a showdown, then embrace.
"It's a Mamaluke reunion!" crows Schiavone.
As we go to commercial, we see Big Ron of the harris Boys rolling Meng out of the ring, and Meng dragging Big Ron out along with him.
Back to the action, in time to see the Harris Boys leaving the ringside area long with Meng & Kwee Wee. Rey Mysterio gets thrown over the top rope by Mark Jindrak, but manages to hang on and land on the ring apron. We've got a four-on -two contest now, as the NBT's are together beating the stuffing out of Rey Mysterio and Billy Kidman. Double-team stomping by the Perfect Event on Rey, while Jindrak & O'Haire put the boot to Kidman.
Rey gets clotheslined over the top rope by Sean Stasiak, but skins the cat again, and crawls back in the ring. Kidman's trying to take out Chuck Palumbo across the ring, as Jindrak & O'Haire join Stasiak in a three-on-one beat-down of Rey. Kidman wallops Palumbo, then drags Jindrak off Rey and whips him into the far corner. Palumbo sends Kidman over the top rope with a back body drop, but Kidman lands on the apron. No matter, Palumbo does a springboard leap off the near turnbuckle stack and nails Kidman on the side of the head with a "Jungle Kick" that tumbles Kidman to the floor. Rey Mysterio may be eliminated, but try telling that to the NBT's, who are still walloping him in the corner.
Tygress is screeching to the referee to protect Rey from further assault, as Mike Sanders slowly crawls into the ring. The NBT's go to help Sanders, and Kidman takes the opportunity to drag Rey out of the ring. Jindrak and Stasiak make a lunge, but miss. As Sanders stumbles around the ring in a daze, the rest of the NBT's are celebrating like they've all won the match.
"Can I get the bell, please?" hollers Sanders. The timekeeper duly rings the bell, and referee (Scott James?) wants to know from Sanders why he had the bell rung.
"I called for the bell, because we got the damn winners!"
"No you don't," says Tenay, "you still have two teams left!"
Sanders tells the referee. to get to the back, and the rest of the NBT's make sure he gets to steppin'.
"You could see that cliché coming all the way down the Chattahoochie," says Schiavone.
"The WHAT?!" says Stevie Ray.
"It's a river," says Schiavone.
"Oh," says Stevie Ray.
That clicking noise you hear is Mike Tenay loading a pistol.
Sanders says that the NBT's, all of them, have won the match, and that current WCW Tag champs Kevin Nash & Diamond Dallas page will have to wait until the PPV to see which tag team they are gonna face.
"I guess that's the way it's gonna be," says Schiavone, "The Commissioner is in charge when the CEO's not here."
Backstage, Mean Gene is joined by the pneumatic Midajah, and Scott Steiner. Midajah's got the World Title belt over he shoulder. Probably using it to provide a counterweight, hah?
Okerlund says that, earlier tonight, Ric Flair booked a match between the Cat and Scott Steiner. Steiner screeches that Flair's not his boss, that nobody controls Steiner but himself. "Be that as it may," purrs Mean Gene," Flair also said that your mystery opponent would be here in the arena tonight. Steiner massacres the English language some more, and at war emergency volume.
He then kisses himself on the arm and storms off. Midajah lingers a bit, and then follows.
Hey, what was that?
Was Midajah making eyes at Okerlund?
Is Big Poppa Pump not "measuring up" to her expectations?
You know, that happens some times to bodybuilders
"Wow!" says Mean Gene.
"Big Poppa Pump is outa control," drones Schiavone, as Team Canada's "Prime Time" Elix Skipper makes his entrance.
We get a "WCW Backstage Assault" video game on the chyron.
Schiavone then asks Stevie Ray if he plays videogames.
"The last time I played video games," growls Stevie Ray, "my six-year-old daughter KNOCKED ME OUT!"
"You personally?" asks Schiavone.
"No, my character in the game. She even knocked out my brother!"
The Filthy Animals' Konnan (w/ Tygress) make their way to the ring.
Schiavone and Stevie Ray drag Tenay into their lame shill job for the video game as we get underway.
Match #3: Konnan d. "Prime Time Elix Skipper, ("Tequila Sunrise" finisher/submission, 5:12)
Good, though somewhat deliberate match between these two professionals. Skipper pretty much carried Konnan the whole match, though Konnan did manage a couple of brief opening flurries. Konnan misses a turnbuckle move, and falls heavily to the mat.
We get a shot from Mr. Cameraman of some fan at ringside hollering "Konnan YOU SUCK!" and the Post Production guys leave it in because THIS IS WCW!
PT's covering by just clobbering Konnan with lefts and rights. Tygress starts trash-talking PT, and he's just giving it back volt-for-volt.
Cross-ring whip by PT, but Konnan somersaults under a swung forearm and nails PT with a clothesline of his own.
Cross-ring whip by Konnan, but PT ducks Konnan's clothesline with that "Matrix" bridge-thingie he does. As PT recovers from the bridge, Konnan's waiting with a side suplex.
"Sometimes," says Stevie Ray, "Prime Time can get a bit too pretty in the ring."
PT rides a Konnan back body drop over the top rope, but lands on the ring apron. As Konan moves in for the kill, PT butts him in the gut, and then spins him to the mat with a neat flying head scissors. Konnan jumps up only to get superkicked back down.
"Look at that!" says Stevie Ray, disgustedly. "Trash-talkin' when he should be covering!"
Lateral press and a cover by PT, 1,2, Konnan gets a shoulder up!
After standing on Konnan's throat for a bit, Prime Time's just dominating the match. PT with a guillotine-like drop across the bottom rope, followed by a forearm smash to the face of Konnan, ending the series with a towering Missile Dropkick. Cover, 1,2, no!
Reverse chinlock on Konnan because he needs a rest. PT puts his feet on the ropes for leverage, until Tygress shoves them off.
Stevie Ray's on about "yaks at ringside," again.
Konnan, meanwhile, hits a power surge and breaks the chinlock. We get some cross-ring work, with Konnan running headlong into another PT clothesline. Chicken wing submission by PT, but Konnan won't submit. PT converts it to a prone hammerlock, then inserts a foot, and snaps his body back.
"That hurt!" says Stevie Ray. "That could dislocate a shoulder."
Tenay agrees, and Tony fills us in on the details of Konnan's recent shoulder injury.
Cross-corner whip, and Konnan tris to float out of it, but PT swats him away, and Konnan lands in a heap in the corner. Snap mare by PT is followed with a Guillotine Leg Drop. Cover by PT, 1,2, Konnan kicks out. cross-corner whip by PT, and Konan hits the float-over this time, though he mis-cues the Victory Roll, but PT obligingly keeps right on rolling into a cover, 1,2, PT kicks out. Drop toe-hold by PT, and we get a series of lucha libre -style cradle reverses and near pins for a bit.
"Hey, a Majistral Cradle!" says Tenay.
"A what?" says Stevie Ray.
"That was a Majistral Cradle. I had to go back to my luchadore lingo, " grins Tenay.
"Oh, just put on a mask..." says Tony.
This from a guy who has admitted, on National TV, to making up names for the wrestling holds.
Rolling clothesline from Konnan stuns PT.
Konnan capitalizes by locking on his "Tequila Sunrise" submission hold, and Prime Time quickly taps out.
Mean Gene's got Jeff Jarrett backstage. Okerlund wants to know how Jarrett figures into the mix for the World heavyweight Title's Three Way Dance?
"Good ol' 'Jurassic Slapnuts!'..." and the conversation goes downhill from there. Jarrett says that out of all the possible opponents to face Steiner, he's the only one to watch Steiner's back against Ric Flair's mystery opponent
And if Steiner doesn't like that, well, Jarrett's got something special for Mr. Steiner.
"Choke on that, slapnuts!"
"Hey! Merry Christmas, Grinch!" says Mean Gene.
In the locker room, Sgt. A-Wall and Cpl. Cajun confront Gen'l. Rection about his tearful scene with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and how he can justify it against what he's been doing to Chavo.
"Hey, Duggan made a mistake, and he owned up to it! Chavo didn't!"
Cajun and A-Wall do the "Yeah, sure," bit and walk off.
"Hey," hollers Gen'l. Rection, "you gotta see where I'm coming from!"
Match #4: Bam Bam Bigelow d. Crowbar (w/ Daffney), ("Greetings From Asbury Park" finisher/pin, 3:05) Hardcore bout.
As Mr. Bigelow makes his way to the ring, Schiavone says that Nitro will be pre-empted the next two weeks, returning on Jan 8th from St. Paul, MN.
We get the usual Hardcore brawl, though not as much weaponry in evidence as you would normally think. Bigelow is favoring his right knee still, but begins to dominate the match early on. Crowbar then starts to work on Bigelow's bum knee, and we go to ringside. Whacks and bangs galore, then Bigelow whips Crowbar into the steel guardrail. Daffney's screeching like a banshee. As he's about to squash Crowbar, Daffney leaps on Bigelow's back and rakes his eyes. Crowbar golottas Bigelow, then hammers home a baseball slide under the bottom rope that spins Bigelow into the steel guardrail. Slingshot Splash off the top rope mashes Bigelow into the floor mats. Uh oh, Crowbar hurt his ribs again, but still manages to roll Bigelow back into the ring. Crowbar goes up top, but Meng comes out to exact revenge for Crowbar's interference in his match earlier tonight, and head-butts Crowbar off the top turnbuckle. Bigelow sets and nails Crowbar with his "Greetings From Asbury Park" finisher, and gets the pin.
Jeez, another freakin' "Glacier" promo.
Back in the locker room, Norman Smiley is tickled to be working for WCW again. At which point he's politely told to get to the ring, he's got a wrestling match to make up.
"...but I'm not even dressed for a match..." whines Mr. Smiley.
At ringside, Stevie Ray wants to know why Norman Smiley is out here tonight.
"I dunno," says Schiavone, "It's not on my sheet..."
Match #5: Goldberg d. Norman Smiley, (Goldberg now 33-0) (Spear/jack- aw, the heck with it! 0:48)
Mr. Smiley gets double Frequent Flyer Miles for his participation tonight, along with some Rice-a-Ronie, the San Francisco Treat, and a nice big bottle of aspirin.
Post-match, Lex Luger and his new pet stooge, Buff Bagwell appear on the Thunder-Tron. They have new stipulations for the Sin PPV match. Luger and Bagwell will take on Goldberg and Sarge. If either Goldberg or the Sarge loses, they both are out of pro-wrestling.
Goldberg grabs a microphone and impresses us with his stick skills.
To whit: "YOU'RE BOTH NEXT!!"
(Think he could get an announcer's job on Bill Clinton's new TV talk show?
How about it, NBC?)
Goldberg helps Smiley to his feet.
"What if Sarge drops the ball, Mike?" asks Tony.
"It's a LOSS FOR GOLDBERG!" says Mike.
Mean Gene's got the "Franchise" Shane Douglas, and Kronik.
Douglas pays off Kronik.
Bryan Clark counts the money. "It's all there, B! we're good to go."
"Franchise," rumbles Brian Adams, "This is the best money you've ever spent." (turns to Mr. Cameraman) "MIA's! This'll be the worst butt-kicking you'll ever take!"
"Boys," says Douglas, addressing Mr. Cameraman as well " Looks like you're about to get your collective asses... FRANCHISED!"
The Mike Tenay Thunder Shoot Interview has WCW CEO Ric Flair.
Tenay wants to know who Scott Steiner's mystery opponent at "Sin" is going to be?
We learn that:
1) as CEO, Flair is gratified about Tenay's interest in the mystery opponent, but
2) as CEO, he's not going to reveal who the mystery opponent is.
3) Everybody wants to know who the guy was who laid out Steiner when Steiner was trying to get to Flair.
4) Flair has learned a lot about the business in the two months since he took over as CEO of WCW, and
5) Though the transition hasn't been without it's bumps and dings, he can feel good about what he's accomplished.
6) "We are in control of our own destiny," says Flair, "That's what I'm here to do, and it's a lot to learn. But I am enjoying it."
7) Though Scott Steiner may say that Flair is out to get him, he's the WcW World Heavyweight Champ, and
8) as such, he is the number one wrestler in the world, and that WCW would build their company around the one man who won World Title. However,
9) Flair intends to make Steiner work to keep his Title. S far as Steiner saying that Flair doesn't like him
10) Scott's a rebel. Flair's been there, done that. But, being the Champ, it's a given that the company revolves around the person who is the Champ.
11) This is something that Flair, Hogan and Sting all had to go through; it's part of the responsibility of being the WCW World Heavyweight Champion. And
12) no, the CEO is not jealous of the Champ. Steiner has shown every day how badly he wants to hang onto the World Title. "I'm just gonna make it interesting for him!" says Ric Flair. "Never a dull moment in WCW! Whoooo!"
Mean Gene's got the Cat and Ms. Jones backstage.
It has just hit the Cat that he's wrestling for the World Heavyweight Title tonight. "I don't have anything to lose, says the Cat. "He's the Champion; he has everything to lose! Steiner, you don't scare me. Cinch it up, 'cause I'm coming for ya!"
Match #6: Shane Douglas & Kronik d. the MIA's (Douglas w/ "Franchiser" finisher on Gen'l. Rection/pin, 3:52) Six Man Tag-team match.
Douglas comes out and does a superb number on Richmond, VA. "While you have fat, ugly ladies like HER (picks a winner at ringside) I wrap myself in the most beautiful women in the world! And unlike your friends who have low IQ's, I have friends like this. Ladies and gentlemen ... Kronik!"
Out comes Kronik to the ring for the obligatory pose-down. The MIA's come out, as Tony, Mike & Stevie Ray talk about the recent problems that the MIA's have had.
The match gets underway with Rection and Adams squaring off. Adams dominates and begins wearing Rection down. Tag by Rection to Cpl. Cajun. Adams gets very uncooperative, no-selling every move that Cajun tries on him. A cross-corner whip by Cajun gets blocked, then converted into a full nelson slam by Adams. Hook the leg, cover, 1,2, Cajun kicks out. Tag to Bryan Clark, who starts hammering away at Cajun. Cross-chest carry into a slam by Clark, and another cover, 1,2, no. Cajun mounts a brief offensive with a spinning neckbreaker, and then a tag to Sgt. A-Wall. A Big Right hand from A-Wall levels Clark. Cross-ring springboard knee drop by A-Wall misses, as Clark rolls away. Clark with a boot to the gut, and a belly-to-back suplex. Tag to Douglas, who's raring to go. Rolling neck hyperextension by Douglas on A-Wall. Cross-ring whip by Douglas gets reversed, and A-Wall nails Douglas with a powerslam. One punch from A-Wall lands Douglas in the Wrong Part Of Town, and all the MIA's join in the beat-down.
Tag to Rection by A-Wall. Rection does a cross-ring whip, followed by a gorilla press slam with awesome hang time. Kronik tries fo rthe save, and we've got a Pier Six in progress, with referee Charles Robinson trying to stay out of the way.
Rection's stomping on Douglas in the corner, while Cajun and Clark battle across the ring, and A-Wall's busy with Adams at ringside. Cajun tries a Giant Splash, but Clark steps aside and adds a boost, slamming Cajun hard onto the canvas. Meltdown by Clark on Cajun, but Rection and Douglas are the legal men in the ring. Rection clotheslines Clark out of the ring, then does a ten Count Punch Down on Douglas. Rection up top and hits his moonsault on Douglas. Cover, 1,2, Clark breaks up the count and makes the save. A-Wall pursues Clark, as Adams and Cajun brawl at ringside. A-Wall gets nailed by a steel chair shot from Clark, as Rection does a cross-ring whip on Douglas, followed by a powerslam. Rection goes for the springboard clothesline, but gets whacked in the head by a steel chair shot from Brian Adams, and stumbles forward... right into a "Franchiser" from Shane Douglas, who gets the pin and the win.
Post-match, Douglas pounds on Rection with a steel-chain-wrapped fist, while Cajun gets a spike piledriver from Kronik. Rection gets busted open, while Cpl. Cajun's on his way to Mars. Douglas and Kronik bask in the heel heat from the crowd.
Schiavone says that next week's Thunder will be a "Best of 2000" show, and that
The wrestlers will return to active duty in two weeks, on 3 January, 2001.
In the locker room, Gen'l. Rection's bloody visage is being tended to by trainer Danny Young. "We can't keep doin' this!" hollers Rection. "I'm not playin' with the Franchise...NO MORE!"
Back in the ring, and we get Team Canada heading for the ring.
Lance Storm wants to be serious for a minute.
Topics for discussion are the hypocritical nature of this nation, the recent USA election fracas, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. "Bad decisions are typical of America," says Storm, "and bad decisions are typical of Jim Duggan...the only good decision was the one you made tonight, when you decided to walk away."
Cue the "Washington Post March" and out comes Mr. Duggan, sporting wood.
Duggan goes nose to nose with Storm, and has a few choice words to go along with that big ol' nose of his.
Duggan starts a "USA USA!" chant, then squares off against Team Canada. He' waving the 2x4 menacingly, and hollering "HO-O-O-O-O!' a lot.
Out comes Mike Awesome to even the odds...
Stevie Ray:" WHAT THE...??"
Awesome clocks Duggan from behind, and the rest of Team Canada pile on for the beat-down. Awesome rips off his leisure suit (HOORAY!) revealing a Canadian maple leaf T-shirt underneath.
I never saw this coming.
Brilliant move, WCW!
Awesome gets his heel turn, dumping the ridiculous 70's Guy gimmick, becoming the "CANADIAN Career Killer."
Team Canada gets a huge boost in their collective heel status, along with some REAL power, and we fans get somebody else to holler abuse at.
Hey, weren't Awesome and Storm in ECW?
I am mightily impressed.
Mean Gene has the New Team Canada backstage.
"Gene, you don't know how great it feels to finally be outa this CRAP!" Awesome throws his "70's Guy" leisure suit to the floor in disgust.
"The Canadian Career Killer is here, and you better watch out, WCW, because Team Canada is fixing to explode all over this place!"
"Jim Duggan," says Lance Storm, "This is your last chance to walk away. (Awesome's) bigger, badder, younger, BETTER! Unless you want a piece of the 'Canadian Career Killer', walk away, Jim. Walk away!"
Team Canada leaves.
"Quite candidly, Mike Awesome," says Mean Gene, "As a Canadian, you make me sick!"
Match #7: Scot Steiner (w/ Midajah) d. The Cat (w/ Ms. Jones), ("Steiner Recliner"/submission, 3:20) WCW World Heavyweight Title defense.
Crowd starts hollering "We Want Flair!" as the match opens. Steiner takes time to tell the crowd to "SHUT UP!"
Steiner dominates from the get-go. The Cat gets very little chance to mount any kind of an offensive. Steiner with a kiss-bicep elbow drop, and a quick set of ten pushups. Pose-down to impress Ms. Jones gets nothing, and Steiner gets mad at Ms. Jonjes for ignoring him. Ms. Jones tells Steiner to "talk to the hand!" Steiner goes to work on the Cat again, with boots and stomps in the far corner. Backbreaker by Steiner, and the Cat's getting decidedly "squooshy." More talkin' by Steiner with Ms. Jones gets him "the hand" response again. Beat down on the Cat in the near corner, with Steiner standing on the Cat's windpipe for good measure. Referee "Slick" Johnson breaks this blatant choke-hold, and Steiner's got some words for Johnson's officiating. Cross-corner whip by Steiner, but his charge gets a Cat foot right in the chops. The Cat does a quick punch down series, then does a couple of quick boots to the gut, followed by a spinning kick that levels Steiner.
Tony Schiavone reminds us that the Cat is a three-time World's Karate Champion. Superkick sends Steiner through the ropes to ringside. The Cat pursues, and rams Steiner head-first into the steel ring steps. Midajah tries to interfere, and almost gets her head knocked off by a roundhouse kick from Ms. Jones. Midajah tries a kick of her own, Ms. Jones catches it, and we've got one heckuva catfight going all of a sudden.
"Yak attack!" hollers Tenay, as the Cat nails Steiner in the head with an enziguiri.
The Cat rolls Steienr back in the ring, as Midajah escapes the clutches of the furious Ms. Jones. An attempt by Steiner to headbutt the Cat in the breadbasket gets blocked, and the Cat nails Steiner with a vicious shuto punch to the throat. Some James Brown dance moves, and Steiner gets another punch to the throat.
Cross-corner whip by the Cat, but the run-in gets a big Steiner boot in the face. Steiner quickly capitalizes with a fast belly-to-belly suplex that lands hard!
Up on the ramp, Steiner sees his Mystery Opponent dancing around. Steiner, distracted, makes a move towards this apparition, which is al the Cat needs. A "Feliner" kick levels Steiner, and the Cat goes for a cover,1,2.. and a half... NO! Steiner kicks out!
The Cat's arguing the call with referee Johnson, and walks right into a jawbreaker from Steiner. Belly-to-belly suplex, and Steiner locks the Steiner Recliner on the Cat for the submission win.
Steiner dumps the Cat, bails out of the ring, and heads up the ramp, chasing after his Mystery Opponent.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!
See you in two weeks.
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