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WCW Thunder by E.C. Ostermeyer




For those of you who've been clamoring for WCW to bring back Bobby Heenan, you can forget about it.
He's not coming back.
Personally, given the conditions under which he labored over there, I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.
God save us all from working for a "Politically Correct" boss.

This is the WCW Thunder report for Wednesday, 31 January 2001, and I'm ol' "Disgusted," himself.

The following is a TBS Original Series.
Aagh! A black 'n' blue deemun skeeto! Git it awa-a-a-y!

30 minutes into the past...

Footage from Nitro, with heavy metal accompaniment.
Man, can't Dusty Rhodes work a crowd or what?!

We've got Rick Steiner talking with Commissioner Cat (w/ Ms. Jones, who's wearing some FINE threads tonight!). The Cat offers Rick Steiner a contact for a shot at the US Heavyweight Title at Superbrawl/Revenge. Cat tells the DFG to keep it on the QT because if CEO (and Dark Lord of the Sith) Ric Flair ever found out, he'd mess things up for sure. Uh, how about doing the signing without the presence of Mr. Cameraman then, huh, Cat? As Steiner signs, Cat says that he's not gonna be on tonight's show because he's meeting with the new owners, "...places to go, asses to kiss!" "What about her?" asks Steiner, pointing to Ms. Jones, as she gives him a big smile. "She's got some ass to kiss, too," says the Cat.

Opening credits.

Good pyro show, as usual. Us southern boys got the best fireworks, y'know.
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay.
We are still in Baltimore, MD.
There are still some folks in the upper reaches of this arena, so it seems that, unlike the Winston-Salem fans, these fans decided to stick around.
Let's see if WCW rewards their loyalty, shall we?

Match #1: Shane Helms d. Billy Kidman (w/Tygress), ( "Vertebreaker" finisher, 6:14)

Okay, who told Tygress to change out of that hot outfit she wore on Nitro, huh?
We get started with Helms yanking Kidman off the middle turnbuckle where he was enjoying some fan adulation.
Hurancanrana from Kifdman. Helms wallops Kidman and sends him over the top rope to the floor. Flying cross-body from the top-turnbuckle by Helms squashes Kidman into the floormats. Brawling at ringside continues until Kidman reverses Helms into a steel guardrail, and Helms flips over and into the crowd. Kidman gets a running start and hurdles the guardrail hitting Helms with a running cross-body block. Some ringside fans get the idea that this bout is of a participatory nature, but WCW Security tells them no. Kidman tosses Helms back over the railing to ringside. Kidman rolls Helms back in the ring. Helms counters with a shoulder-block through the ropes that kidman ducks, then counters with a forearm smash. Kidman vaults the top rope with a giant splash, but Helms catches Kidman in mid-air, and hits a face-buster on his knee. Spinning neckbreaker, and Kidman's down. Cover, 1,2, no! Flying elbow off the top turnbuckle by Helms, who covers again for a near fall. Second pin attempt, but Kidman escapes once again. Cross-corner whip by Kidman but the charge-in gets nothing but turnbuckle, and Helms goes back on the offensive one more. Belly-to-belly suplex by Helms, and a bridge pin attempt. Drop toehold by Kidman gets a surprise pin attempt on Helms. Front chancery by Helms who attempts a second neckbreaker, but Kidman blocks the attempt. Snap mare by Helms and a reverse chinlock on Kidman. After a bit of a rest, Kidman powers up but gets swatted back down by a forearm smash across the chest.
Headscissors around the neck and head of Kidman, as Schiavone gets confused about anatomy in describing the move as NOT a choke-hold. Shot of Tygress looking concerned and gorgeous at the same time. Helms sets for the suplex, but Kidman block, and then reverses it. Nap time again. Helms recovers first, and hits a reverse neckbreaker across his right knee. Double underhook by Helms is turned into a wicked looking submission hold. Kidman succeeds in fighting it off, and we get a slugfest for a bit. Dropkick by Kidman sets up a sit-out powerbomb. Kidman goes up top but gets shoved off by Helms. "Nightmare on Helms Street" attempt gets blocked and countered by a Kidman "Kid Krusher" attempt. This in turn gets countered by Helms rolling into a "Vertebreaker" but Kidman rolls that into another "Kid Krusher". Helms blocks the attempt, rolls Kidman back into a "Vertebreaker" and gets the win.
Great match from two professionals trying hard.


Well, here's Da Champ with his chainmail chapeau, his pneumatic freak arm candy, and his lead pipe. Whoops, he gets to blather for a bit. Appears that Dustin Rhodes stepped over the line by refusing to work for Mr. Flair. Da Champ has Dustin's contract. He rips it up. Da Champ switches gears, and starts bad-mouthing Kevin Nash. Anybody else notice that Midajah's actually good-looking under that inch-thick makeup job she wears? (Watch out, though, she spits!)
Out comes Kronik who challenge Scott Steiner to a match, either singles or handicap. Steiner says he's not alone, and out comes Totally Buffed to beat up on the big guys. Rick Steiner's out with murderous intent, but Jeff Jarrett "El-Kabongs" him a good one. Klown Kar O' Referees separates the combatants, as we go to


Instant Replay of the last little set-to.

Backstage, CEO Ric Flair ad the rest of Team Flair are whooping it up. Totally Buffed assures Flair they will "buff out" Kronik tonight. Jarrett tells Luger and Buff to hold down the fort, as the rest of Team Flair's gotta go visit a jailbird, (Diamond Dallas Page.)

Match #2: Big Ron Harris (w/ "Heavy D"(on) Harris d. Lash Leroux, (spinebuster, 4:07)
Prior to the match, Heavy D presents a doctor's excuse to the referee, legitimizing his neck injury. Referee Scott James accepts the excuse, but pulls out a magic marker and marks a big "X" on the back of Big Ron's left hand. Naturally, this p-o's the Harris Boys no end. Lash is just ecstatic about this turn of events, but his celebration in cut short by a Heavy D slap across the face. In the scuffle, Scott James gets his pocket picked by Big Ron, and the marker winds up on the floor at ringside. Thesz Press by Lash squashes Big Ron. Lash with fists of fire, and then a bail-out to ringside, where he slaps the taste out of Heavy D's mouth. Heavy D, meanwhile, has corralled the marker is busy marking an "X" on his own hand. Lash gets back in the ring where big Ron's waiting for him. It's all Big Ron for the next bit, before he tosses him out of the ring. Heavy D's there to spin Lash into the steel guardrail. Double-team by the Harris Boys, who soften up Lash before dumping him back in the ring. cross-ring whip by Big Ron, but Lash counters with a boot in the gut. Another Lash cross-ring whip gets a running clothesline from Big Ron. BIG powerbomb attempt from Big Ron, but Lash escapes and counters with a dropkick. Missile dropkick off the top rope, and it looks like Big Ron's down for the count. Lash is a house afire, as he rips Ron's shoe off his foot and wallops him with it. Well, referee Scott James ain't havin' any of THAT, and he wrestles the shoe away from Lash. With James distracted, Ron and Don pull the old switcheroo with the neckbrace again, Don even removing the left shoe (for added foolin'!) One spinebuster later, and Lash is done. Referee Scott James checks for the "X", and Big Ron (Heavy D) is declared the winner.


Kwee-Wee's walking arm in arm with Paisley, who's wearing a "ROWR!" outfit, but has her hair up in "Princess Leia/Cinnabun" style. Freaky, but stylish.
As they pass some in the hallway,
we get the usual wolf whistles for Paisley, and well-deserved they are, too.
One guy sings out "Are you KIDDING me?!"
Kwee-Wee rounds on him real fast. (The guy looks like Christian from the WWF.)
"For somebody who's supposed to be, like, totally, 'all-man'..." (hey, sounds like Christian, too!)" me, you look like a total wo-man!"
This gets a chuckle from the other "fans", along with several comments ("Better keep movin'" being the nicest of them. Oh, and I've seen two or three of these guys at the Power Plant, and THIS particular guy looks like Robbie Rage!) Kwee-Wee gets to the last "fan" in line, who agrees to tell ol' big mouth Christian wannabe that he's got a match with the Kwee-Wee tonight. As they stalk off,
"blondie" there tells his buds that, as soon as he stomps Kwee-Wee, WCW'll be sure to give him a contract.
Yeah, kid, sure. Just like they did with Meng.

I'm starting to get flashbacks from WCW Saturday Night here.
To quote Dusty Rhodes, "Somebody git mah med'cine!"

Mean Gene Okerlund in da HOUSE! He's got Chavo Guerrero, Jr. and da Wall for the first stick-in-the-bazoo session tonight. Chavo says Rey Mysterio Jr. got his #1 contenders spot because of friends in high places, and as for Shane helms and Billy Kidman, he was completely under-whelmed by their match earlier. He's going to have to go outside the WCW roster to find some adequate cruiserweight competition. Chavo turns things over to the Wall to finish the interview. When Okerlund asks him about HHHH ugh Morrus, the Wall hollers "it's none of your business about Hugh Morrus!" Mr. Cameraman gets in real close (Aagh! Not THAT close, please!) as the Wall bellows at Mr. Cameraman about what he plans to do to Morrus, not the least of which is "ending your miserable life!"
As Mr. Cameraman pulls back, we see that Mean Gene has magically transformed himself into Hugh Morrus, who promptly clobbers the Wall with the microphone. The two trade a series of punches and wallops before the WCW security team gets them separated. Morrus is just giggling like crazy, and the Wall is calling upon the gods to smite his foe. That at least, was the gist of what he said.
Hey, is that Vincent holding Morrus back?

Norman Smiley's holding an earnest conversation with a silhouette of Glacier. After recapping what happened on last week's Thunder, Smiley asks if he can count on Glacier this week? Glacier assures him that he will watch his back. "Make sure you watch my back," says Smiley, "so I can get ...JIGGY!" and he starts in with the Big Wiggle.


Backstage, WCW Tag Champs Chuck Palumbo and Sean O'Haire tell Mean Gene and their respective erstwhile partners in so many words, that if they want a shot at the belts, to come on.. O'Haire is particularly menacing and growl-ly. "Look into these eyes...and FEAR WHAT YOU SEE! AAAARRGGHH!" Good promo from Sean. He's getting better with his stick work, I see.
As Mean Gene opines that the Natural Born thrillers are going to come to blows over the Tag titles, we see Mike Sanders looking mightily displeased by this turn of events. Ric Flair's right there at his shoulder, and shakes his hand. (Hey, Sanders! Better count your fingers after shakin' hands with Ric Flair.) Ol' Naitch says that Sanders should put all this aside, and learn think standing on his feet. His first opportunity will be in tonight's match against Konnan, "This is" says Flair, "your first opportunity to learn how to be the Dirtiest Player in the Game!"

Match #3: Bam Bam Bigelow d. Norman Smiley (w/Glacier) ("Greetings from Asbury Park" finisher/pin, 3:36)

Smiley comes out first, scanning the rafters for any sign of Glacier, just like last time.
Bam Bam Bigelow comes out, and he just about dwarfs Smiley.
Smiley opens the bout by concentrating on cutting Bigelow's legs out from under him. lots of clips and kicks. A cross-corner whip goes sour when Bigelow comes charging out to nail Smiley with a running clothesline. Bigelow keeps up the punishment with massive blows across the back, and stiff kicks to the breadbasket. Smiley rolls out of the ring, and starts actively looking for Glacier. He checks the rafters again, then looks under the ring drapes. No Glacier. Smiley gets back into the ring,. nd starts to work on Bigelow. Kicks, clips, and fists drive Bigelow back into the corner. A cross-corner whip gets blocked twice, when Bigelow hangs onto the ropes. Smiley tries it a third time, and Bigelow charges out of the corner with a running clothesline that slams Smiley to the mat.
Bigelow's in charge now, and he just stomps the daylights out of Smiley, who's still looking for Glacier at ringside. Face-stretcher by Bigelow and a release. Smiley's holding his face and trying to search for Glacier at the same time. Bigelow wallops Smiley across the back, and Smiley bails out of the ring. Bigelow gives chase, picking up a steel chair in the process. Both wrestlers climb back in the ring from opposite corners, and Smiley does a quick 'n' dirty "Van Daminator" on Bigelow, staggering him. Smiley follows it up with a couple of punches to the head, and a reverse clothesline that nearly gets a pinfall.
Smiley goes for a headbutt, followed by a chop. Smiley tries a springboard forearm smash off the ropes, but Bigelow grabs him in mid-air, and sidewalk slams him to the mat. As Bigelow signals he's going for his finisher, Glacier's music fires up, and Glacier walks down the ramp, only to get caught up in the fan adulation again. Bigelow nails Smiley with the "Greetings from Asbury Park" finisher, and gets the win. Glacier's still slapping hands and doing photo ops at ringside. Sign in the crowd "Glacier Is My Hero!" gets trash-talked by Schiavone and Tenay. Glacier then gets in the ring, and proclaims that, once again he chased away one of WCW's "evil-doers." "Norman, justice has prevailed once more," bellows Glacier. It's kata time, as Smiley's writhing on the mat from the effects of Bigelow's finisher.


Next up is Jeff Jarrett who's supposed to face Rick Steiner tonight. The DFG having been El-Kabonged earlier tonight, Jarrett demands that the referee ring the bell and start a 10 count on Steiner.
We get footage from Monday Nitro, and earlier this evening to back up his story.

Match #4: Rick Steiner d. Jeff Jarrett ("SteinerDriver" finisher/pin, 2:35)

The DFG comes out as referee Mickey Jay gets to "six". Jarrett can't believe it, and starts a pre-emptive walloping of Steiner as he climbs into the ring. Jarrett with fists and feet of fire, as Schiavone calls Steiner the "DFG" and says that the other wrestlers think that he's as hard and as tough as a pine knot that you can cut through, you can'' saw through, you can't chop, he just keeps coming at you. (I am not kidding, that's what Schiavone said.)
Cross-ring whip by Steiner and a fall-away sidewalk slam just squashes Jarrett. "Steinerliner" over the top rope, and Jarrett crashes down to the floor at ringside.
Steiner takes Jarrett on a tour of the ringside area, paying particular attention to the steel guardrails and folding chairs. Jarrett gets a steel guardrail right on the funny bone, which hurts a LOT. Steiner rolls Jarrett back into the ring. As the DFG climbs in, Jarrett crotches him on the middle rope. Cross-ring springboard leap by Jarrett sends Steiner crashing to the floor at ringside. Jarrett's outside as well, and bounces Steiner's head off the broadcast booth. Hotshot off the steel guardrail by Jarrett catches Steiner across the bridge of the nose. Jarrett taunts Steiner before rolling him back into the ring. Cross-ring whip by Jarrett gets reversed, but Steiner eats a big Jarrett boot on the run-in, and gets two big fists as a chaser afterwards. Another cross corner whip by Jarrett, but Steienr powers out of the corner and nails Jarrett with another Steinerliner. There's another, and a cross-ring whip into a rolling scoopslam. Lateral press by Steiner, 1,2, Jarrett kicks out! Cross-ring whip again by Steiner, but Jarrett ducks another Steinerliner, rebounds and tries for a flying elbow off the far rope. Steiner sees it coming and ducks, and Jarrett clobbers referee Mickey Jay with it. Ooops, here's Shane Douglas up on the ring apron. Steiner spots him, goes to jaw with him, and gets a steel-chain-wrapped fist from the Franchise right in the face. Douglas bounces Steiner's noggin off the turnbuckle, and Jarrett pinions Steiner's arms for another chain-fist pop...
...only to have Steiner duck, and Jarrett eats ALL the steel chain he could ever want. Steinerliner for Douglas, and a SteinerDriver finishes off Jarrett.
Post-match, Steiner gets on the stick:
"Ric Flair? That's two. If you want some, come get some. If you don't like me..." (Crowd: "BITE ME!")

WCW Upcoming Events Calendar:
1/29 Baltimore, MD (Nitr-, uh, didn't we see this one already?)
(all together now...)

2/5 Tupelo, MS
2/18 Nashville, TN (Superbrawl/Revenge-PPV)
2/25 Lake Charles, LA (House show)


Schiavone shills for an upcoming episode of "Charmed" over on the WB network.
Booker T, Scott Steiner, and Buff Bagwell will be in the episode entitled "Wrestling with Demons."

Match #5: Kwee-Wee (w/ Paisley) d. Scotty O.(Piledriver/pin, 2:07)

Kwee-Wee's new angle gets a good roasting from Schiavone and Tenay, but for all the wrong reasons. Footage shows Kwee-Wee walloping a "security guard" at ringside, then dragging a "fan" into the ring and powerslamming him. Not nice. (WCW's bookers are totally oblivious to what could happen if they keep on with this dumb story angle. It needs to be dumped, and NOW!)
Kwee-Wee gets the mic and informs Ric Flair that this match will show that he's ALL MAN (Paisley nods, dutifully) and somebody Flair should have on his Team. "So Paisley, as I did before, I am going to ask my opponent, "(turns to Scotty O) "as HE did before, to laugh at the Kwee-Wee."
Scotty O does, and
Here's "Angry Allan!" in full-bore kayfabe mode, roaring how he's gonna show Scotty O what it's like to get into the ring with a wrestler who's ALL MAN!
Tenay: "That transformation's incredible! Just like turning on a light switch!"
Kwee-Wee starts pummeling Scotty O, follows up with a cross-ring whip, and finishes off with a spinning front face plant. Three shoulder blocks to the gut doubles over Scotty O, as Schiavone reminds Tenay not to laugh at Kwee-Wee. Cross corner hair-toss by Kwee-Wee, and another, and Schavone's positing that Kwee-Wee must tap some sort of inner rage to get this worked up.
"It's a mugging, that's what it is!" retorts Tenay.
Scotty O attempts an offense with a standing jawbreaker, but Kwee-Wee counters with a snap belly-to-back suplex, five buzzsaw kicks followed by a cross-corner whip. Scotty O gets the boot up, and Kwee-Wee staggers back holding his face. A running clothesline attempt by Scotty O meets one coming the other way, and down goes Scotty O. Bottom rope camel clutch submission by Kwee-Wee is broken after a four count from referee Charles Robinson. Kwee-Wee does the foot on the windpipe number, with middle rope-leverage, and the hold is broken up by the referee. There's a slap to the face, followed by another buzzsaw kick to the back of Scotty O's neck. Kwee-Wee bounces Scotty O's head off the mat for a bit, then snap-mares him across the ring. Belly-to-back suplex, and a piledriver end the bout.
Post-match, Kwee-Wee's back to, uh, "normal", and reminds Ric Flair that he's proved that he's "ALL MAN" and a worthy asset to Team Flair. "I'm waiting for you to call..." says Kwee-Wee, and he and Paisley doe the "Cat-walk" out of the ring.


Match #6: Chuck Palumbo and Sean O'Haire d. the Mamalukes (O'Haire w/ "Sean-ton Bomb" finisher on Big Vito/pin, 3:29)

Footage from last week's Nitro shows the cracks beginning to form in the Natural Born Thrillers, when Palumbo and O'Haire get into a shoving match with Mark Jindrak and Shawn Stasiak.

Palumbo and Big Vito start things off with Palumbo landing two big forearm smashes on his opponent. Vito counters with a cross-ring whip and a boot to the breadbasket, followed by a hair-pull body slam. Clothesline to Palumbo and a tag to Johnny the Bull sets up a Mamaluke double-teamed Sicilian Slam. Vito and the Bull do an old-fashioned Staten Island stomping on Palumbo, and Johnny the Bull goes for a cross-ring whip into a hip-toss. Palumbo blocks it and hits a hiptoss of his own. Palumbo tags in Sean O'Haire, who gets promptly beat up and stuffed into the far corner by Johnny the Bull. Tag to Big Vito and another Mamaluke double-team, this time on a double powerslam that has a lo-o-o-ng hang-time. Lateral press by Vito, 1, 2, O'Haire kicks out.
Cross-corner whip by Vito meets a big O'Haire knee-lift coming out. O'Haire does a fair-to-middlin' Rocky Balboa imitation, throwing lefts and rights, but his cross-corner whip meets Big Vito clothesline coming back, and down goes O'Haire. More double-team action from the Mamalukes, finished with a gorilla press slam by Johnny the Bull on Sean O'Haire! Cross-ring whip by the Bull gets reversed, and O'Haire hotshots him waist-high off the top rope. Palumbo completes the move with a slingshot drop that spins Johnny the Bull back into the ring. Tag to Palumbo by O'Haire, and we get a double-team stomping of Johnny the Bull now. Palumbo tosses the Bull into the corner for some more punches, but Johnny spins it around half-way into the session, and starts walloping Palumbo with lefts and rights. Cross-corner whip gets reversed, the Bull goes for a float-over, but Palumbo catches him in mid-air and counters with a devastating variation of the "Last Ride." Tag to O'Haire, who stomps on the Bull for a while. Double-team with Palumbo culminates in a nasty-looking giant splash. The Bull hits a power surge and converts a Palumbo back body drop into a Sunset Flip for a near fall.
Cross-ring whip by Palumbo gets a double clothesline and both men go down. It's a race to see who tags first. Palumbo wins, but Johnny tags in Vito a split second later. Vito's a house afire, with rapid-fire clotheslines for both Palumbo and O'Haire. Double-underhook suplex by Vito stuns Palumbo momentarily. Vito tosses Palumbo in the corner, and does the Ten-count Punch-down thingie. Johnny the Bull takes down O'Haire with a leaping back kick. Scoopslam by Vito on Palumbo. Vito goes up top as the Bull and O'haire are brawling at ringside. Top-turnbuckle flying elbow by Vito all but puts Palumbo away, as we see O'Haire land a BIG spinning heel kick on Johnny the Bull at ringside. Cover by Vito , 1,2, Palumbo kicks out! Cross-ring whip by Vito, who misses one clothesline attempt, ducks a clothesline of Palumbo's, lands a forearms smash, but finally falls prey to Palumbo's "Jungle Kick." O'Haire's right there to finish him off with a Sean-ton Bomb off the top turnbuckle, hooks the far leg and gets the pin.
"Nobody gets up from that!" says Mike Tenay.
And here's Mark Jindrak and Shawn Stasiak out for a chat. Stasiak looks to be wearing a painter's drop cloth as a caftan. He's up first, and makes as big a hash of his stick-time as you'd expect. Upshot is that Stasiak and Jindrak want (and finally get) a shot at the WCW Tag titles at Superbrawl/Revenge. The requisite sneak attack by Jindrak/Stasiak precipitates the intra-faction brawl that follows. Stasiak and Jindrak both get bum's-rushed over the top rope.


Out back in the parking lot, Ric Flair tells Road Warrior Animal to keep an eye on Totally Buff tonight; if they need any help, be there. Meantime, Flair, Scott Steiner, Midajah, and Jeff Jarrett all "Go Directly to Jail.
They're "Just Visiting" ol' DDP
(That's for all you Monopoly fans out there.)
Backstage, Mike Sanders collars Reno, and tells him he's facing Konnan tonight.
Oh, and if he gets the "Tequila Sunrise" slapped on him, Reno should tap out quickly.
Mean Gene's got Totally Buffed back stage. Lex Luger's having trouble swallowing his water, while Buff Bagwell's wearing a Holly Hobby hat. As Luger belittles Kronik, Bagwell drinks from Luger's water bottle.



Match #7: Konnan (w/ Tygress) d. Reno, ("Tequila Sunrise"/submission, 1:45)

Konnan speaks on this. And that. And the other.
"It don't matter who you got to do your dirty work. So send out Uncle Fester!" says K-Dawg.
We open with a great chain-wrestling sequence form these two. Konnan's on his game tonight, as is Reno. Great half-crab by Konnan gets rolled through into an ankle lock, but Reno hooks a front chancery into an armbar, then a wristlock. He pounds on Konnan's back, then decks him with a stiff right to the jaw. Kneedrop by Reno, and a cross-corner whip which gets followed by a running double drop-kick. Konnan hits a power surge, cross-ring whip and a somersault clothesline decks Reno. Konnan grapevines the leg and rolls Reno into a modified Victory Roll but just misses the pinfall. Headfirst spike by Konnan face-plants Reno on the canvas. Tequila Sunrise gets locked on, and Reno taps out real quick. Mike Sanders comes out on stage hollering "K-Dawg! Things...are not always ... what they seem!"
Reno pops back up and hits his "Roll the Dice" finisher on Konnan, as Schiavone says that the whole point of Reno's "quick tap-out" bit was to get Konnan clobbered after the match.
Mike Sanders walks away, smiling. Looks like he knows all about dirty tricks, all right.


Match #8: Totally Buffed d. Kronik (Bagwell w/ "Buff Blockbuster" finisher on Brian Adams/pin, 3:05)

Footage from earlier this evening shows Totally Buffed blindsiding Kronik.

Jeez-Lou-Weez., this oughta be the Hulk Hogan Memorial "Who's got the Most Bronzer and Body Oil On?" contest!

At ringside, Bagwell tells a little old lady to "SHUT UP!" He then backs off real fast as grandma gets INTENSE!

Adams and Buff get things started. Though Buff gets in some early offense, Adams dominates with a gorilla slam on Bagwell. Tag to Bryan Clarke, and Kronik double-teams Bagwell into the corner. Clarke nails Bagwell with a BIG shoulder block and goes for the cover, 1,2, Bagwell gets a shoulder up. Tempo shifts when Bagwell and Luger double-team Clarke. Cross-ring whip by Luger gets a thumb in the eye, and then a leaping clothesline out of the corner from Clarke, and a near fall. Clarke wallops an interfering Bagwell, but Luger gets in a forearm smash right in Clarke's face. Clarke's really in The Wrong Part of Town, as Bagwell and Luger continue to work him over. Clarke hits a power surge, and he and Luger trade clotheslines. Race to make the tag and we get Adams and Bagwell in. Adams takes on Totally Buffed by himself, and he's walloping the tar out of them. Clarke gets tagged back, and Kronik double-teams Luger with a powerslam. A second double-team powerslam on Luger gets blocked when Bagwell clips Adams' knee. Clarke tosses Luger out of the ring and follows after, Whip to the steel guardrail by Clarke gets reversed. As Clarke impacts the steel guardrail, Animal appears through the crowd, wielding a steel chair.
WHACK! The chairshot is a really bad one, as you can tell Animal was swinging it off his rear foot. The top edge of the seat back hits Bryan Clarke squarely on top of the head. Clarke grabs his head, sways like a tree in a storm, and then topples to the floor at ringside. Adams completes his full-nelson slam on Bagwell, but Luger's there to prevent the pin attempt.
Bagwell and Luger then double-team Adams. As Clarke tries to crawl up on the ring apron, bleeding badly, Bagwell hits his Buff blockbuster on Brian Adams, getting the pin and the win. Clarke tumbles back onto the floor, as Totally Buffed celebrate their victory in the ring...

...and we head off to the "local slammer" as Ric Flair, Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, and Midajah all arrive to visit DDP.
The cop on duty says that DDP made bail less than an hour ago.
"WHAT?!" says all three in unison.
Steiner slams his lead pipe on the desk-top, causing Mr. Policeman to jump back, startled.
"Easy way or the hard way, we're going in there!" Steiner bellows.

Y'know, this kind of behavior in any REAL police precinct would get you
1. soaked down with pepper spray so fast you couldn't even see, let alone breathe,
2. stun-gunned, and "restrained", while having your "Rights" hollered in your ear from a distance of six inches, and
3. a new room-mate named "Dutch" who wants to DANCE with you!

Thus we have the difference between "kayfabe" and "real", ladies and gentlemen.

As Steiner threatens the officer some more, the rest of Team Flair heads back to the cell-block.

Isn't this the same town Barry Levinson did the "Homicide" show in?

Back in the cells, and yep, looks like DDP's made ail all right.
Jarrett: "What are they thinking? He was supposed to be held WITHOUT bail!"
There's a brown manila envelope taped to the wall of one of the cells.
It's from Diamond Dallas Page.
All four of them crowd around in the cell for a closer look, as Jarrett reads:

"Hey, monkeys. Thought you might try something stupid like this. Just remember, I don't get mad, I get even!"

The cell door gets slid shut by a BIG OL'COP!
"Hey! What are you doin'?" says Jarrett.
"Page thought you might try something like this," laughs the cop.
"HEY!" hollers Flair and Steiner together.
"Hope you got good lawyers!" says the cop as he leaves.
Everybody hollers some more, and Steiner, bellowing with rage, chucks his lead pipe through the bars.

Looks like feeding time at the Monkey House, doesn't it?

Closing credits.

Here's best wishes to Bryan Clarke. Hope the CT scan goes all right. Get well, sir.

See y'all next week.

E.C. Ostemeyer
[slash] wrestling

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