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WCW Thunder by E.C. Ostermeyer




Live on tape from thirty minutes into YOUR future, this is the WCW Thunder report for Wednesday, 28 February 2001. I'm your cast member, ol' E.C., jacked up on rumplemints and a bad quarterly evaluation report.
Please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle, and no flash photography.
You WILL get wet on this ride!

Footage from Nitro shows the return of Booker T, and the ass-kicking he administered to Scott Steiner. Commissioner Cat gets demoted to Citizen Cat, and Ric Flair does a heckuva job to him. Diamond Dallas Page bellows that he's "still standing." No repeat of the "Bang Fanz" doffing their shirts, though.

Opening credits.
Gaaah! What are the Harris Boys doing in the opening credits? Is this some kind of sick joke?
We're still in the Big Easy at the UNO Lakefront Arena. Mardi Gras is still in full swing, even though it's Ash Wednesday where I am. Ain't time shiftin' fun?!

Your hosts for the time being are Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay. Scott Hudson's at home feverishly sending his resume to Vince McMahon.

Opening arena pyro show courtesy of Eden's Pleasant Home Carpet and Fireworks Company of Elizabethton, Tennessee. I am not kidding. The place actually exists. (There's a Pik-Kwik market in Colonial Heights, TN that advertises "Cold Beer and Knives" on their sign out front. No joke, again!)

Tony and Mike give a brief recap of last Monday's Nitro that occurred not more than thirty minutes prior to tonight's show. The "Greed" PPV was mentioned in every other sentence until Kwee-Wee and Mike Sanders made their entrance, at which point we got to see footage of Kwee-Wee's great Nitro match with Kaz Hayashi.
Sanders is none too pleased about teaming up with Kwee-Wee. Footage from backstage just moments ago shows Mr. Above Average getting p.o.-ed about the team-up. We are informed that this tag match is a first round elimination match for the WCW Cruiserweight Tag Title. Out come their opponents, the Jung Dragons, and awa-a-a-y we go!

Match #1: The Jung Dragons d. Kwee-Wee and "Above Average" Mike Sanders, ("YangTime" finisher on Sanders/Yang pin, 11:03) WCW Cruiserweight Tag Title
Elimination Round.

Kaz Hayashi and Sanders square off first, with Sanders walloping Kaz with some open-handed slaps to the face, accompanied by some sneering taunts. Kaz ain't havin' that, and Sanders winds up on the floor at ringside with Kaz handing his ass to him.
Kwee-Wee tries to interfere, but only succeeds in drawing Yang into the fray. (Yang's weight-training sessions are beginning to show some results; he's got more shoulder definition, and the "love handles" are disappearing. Good going, dude! Keep it up!) After finishing with Sanders, Kaz and Yang toss Kwee-wee back into the ring. TANDEM ASAHI MOONSAULTS! Great chain wrestling series ensues, with Kwee-Wee and Sanders beginning to dominate. Thesz Press on BOTH Jung Dragons by Kwee-Wee.
Brawling out of the ring now, with Kwee-Wee and Sanders still dominating. Kwee-Wee yanks Yang back in the ring by the hair. Powerslam by Kwee-Wee on Yang, using Yang's hair as a handle. Sanders tags in, only to get his suplex attempt countered with a Yang neckbreaker. Lots of holds and go-behinds for a bit, before Sanders hits the pumphandle slam. Tag to Kwee-Wee, and we get a nasty double-team session on Yang, before Kwee-Wee goes for a cover and a near fall. Kwee-Wee does a towering suplex, then does the "Week's Wash" routine on Yang. Tag to Sanders, who worked Yang over some more, then tagged Kwee-Wee in. Short suplex by Kwee-Wee, countered by a spinning front kick from Yang. Before Yang can tag out, Kwee-Wee tags Sanders back in, who drags Yang away from tagging Kaz. Tag to Kwee-Wee, who powerslams Yang for a near fall again. He tosses Yang into the corner, only to have Yang hit a tornado DDT, and make a lunging tag-in to a fired-up Kaz. Looks like a "Kaz-manian Devil" is loose in the ring, as Kaz Hayashi is just tearing into Sanders and Kwee-Wee. Enziguiri kick and a reverse angle bulldog. Yang comes back in for a double-team on Kwee-Wee, who nevertheless escapes the pin attempt. Four man Pier Sixer in progress, as Sanders and Kaz head outside while Kwee-Wee and Yang brawl inside. Whoops, we get a do-si-do, as Sanders and Kaz bail in, while Kwee-Wee and Yang bail out. Sanders wallops kaz, then goes up top. Yang sees this, and crothces Sanders across the top turnbuckle. Kaz tags in Yang, who hits his newly-named "YangTime" corkscrew moonsault on Sanders for the win. The Jung Dragons advance to the next round in the Cruiserweight Tag Tourney.
Good match, with lots of action. Thunder continues it's trend of impressive, high-impact openers that run into double digits, timewise.


'Tween-Match Promo Time!

Backstage, a limo pulls up. Hey, it's M.I. Smooth! Aw, for... he's driving Shawn Stasiak! BOOOO! Stasiak's in the back, on the phone with Mark Jindrak, telling him where to be during Stasiak's match tonight with Johnny the Bull. Oh, so now Stasiak's the "Mecca of Manhood", is he? (Smooth turns around and gives Stasiak "The Look!") He doesn't need to work out anymore? Hmph! If his nose gets any higher in the air, he'd better watch out he doesn't hang himself on some low-lying tree limb! As he leaves, Stasiak tips Smooth, not with money, but an autographed photo of himself, the cheap bum! Well, Smooth is MIGHTILY displeased with this sort of "tip", and wads the photo up!

Back in the arena, Booker T walks to the ring as we see footage from the outstanding Six-Man tag match from Nitro, where Booker T pinned Scott Steiner. Booker T shows footage on the ThunderVision of his cracked sternum injury that he suffered at the hands of Scott Steiner. He's spent two months at home watching Steiner foul the airwaves, so now he wants his World Title belt back, TONIGHT! Sirens wail, and out comes Scott Steiner. Steiner says it's easy to take out Booker T as the preceding footage shows. Booker T's telling Steiner to put his title where his mouth is. Steiner's waddling towards the ring with blood in his eye, when out comes CEO (and Dark Lord of the Sith) Ric Flair, who forbids any match between the two men. Flair says that Booker T just can't walk in off the street and expect to get a shot at the World Title; he has to work his way up through the ranks to get it. Booker T continues to taunt Steiner, just whipping him into a frenzy, and Flair finally has to relent. But, in typical sneaky-Flair fashion, the match is non-title. That's fine with Booker T, (who revives his "Don't hate the playa..." routine) and Steiner, who's all but drumming on his chest and pulling down twigs at the prospect of hurting Booker T again.


Backstage again, and this time we've got new employees Johnny Swinger and Jason Lee, who are suited up. Swinger compliments Lee on his cool shirt. Lee says he's sure they're gonna be a strong...
WCW Cruiserweight Cahmp Chavo Guerrero, Jr. walks by, pauses, then interrupts their conversation with;
"Hey, you're the two new guys, right?"
Swinger ignores Chavo. Lee gives Chavo a brief glance before resuming his conversation with Swinger. Chavo gets miffed at being ignored, and demands from the two "rookies" the respect due a WCW Champion. Swinger and Lee are obviously unimpressed with Chavo, but politely hear him out. Chavo has a proposition for Swinger, who has a match with Shane Helms later tonight. Swinger's amenable, and all three leave the locker room. "I'll steer you both in the right direction..." says Chavo.

Match #2: Shawn Stasiak d. Johnny the Bull, (hangman's neckbreaker/pin, 7:20)

Who keeps giving Stasiak the freakin' microphone? Compared to this fumble-mouthed goof, Scott Steiner sounds like Abraham Lincoln! Aw, jeez, here's that "Mecca of Manhood" phrase again. I can see we're gonna get REAL tired of that tag-line. Besides, Stasiak's definitely NOT the "Mecca of Manhood." He's more like the "Mayberry, RFD of Manhood!"
Enough of this foolishness, as Johnny the Bull comes out to the "Mamalukes" theme music plays.

Bull takes control early by tumbling Stasiak outside with a drop-kick through the ropes. Down on the floor, Stasiak recovers and counters by ramming the Bull back-first against the edge of the ring apron. Tony Schiavone reminds us that Johnny the Bull had suffered an injury to the small of his back, before the major damage to his knee occurred, and that the back injury may not be completely healed.
Well sure, Tony. Now!
Stasiak rolls the Bull back into the ring, then goes up top. His flying elbow smash eats a Big Boot from the Bull, and Stasiak staggers away. The Bull does a quick roll-up, but fails to make the pinfall. Stasiak drags himself to the ropes and signals for a time-out. Hey, this ain't the XFL, goofus! The Bull does a running senton across Stasiak's back, tires for another, but gets a Stasiak clothesline instead. Atomic drop by Stasiak, who catapults the Bull chest-first into the ropes, then hangs on to his ankles, and catches the Bull in the small of his back with a double-knee shot on the way back down. Stasiak continues to work on the small of the Bull's back with stomps and punches. As the Bull crawls to the far corner on his hands and knees, he gets snake-eyed by Stasiak on the top turnbuckle. Stasiak works the Bull over in the corner, then does a cross-corner whip that finishes with a backbreaker and a near-pin. Another cross-corner whip by Stasiak followed by an attempted backbreaker again. This time, however, the Bull spins through it and uses Stasiak's momentum to roll him through a hiptoss and a near pinfall. A succession of running legdrops by the Bull has Stasiak hollering for "time out" again, but the Bull's not interested. Whip into the corner followed by three stiff front kicks, but Stasiak comes right back with a running clothesline and a near pin again. Forearm smash across the face of the Bull, and Stasiak attempts another pinfall. Cross-corner whip by Stasiak, but his charge-in misses the Bull, and hits the ringpost. The Bull attempts the hangman's neckbreaker, but Stasiak rolls it around. No matter, the Bull smashes him face-first into the mat with a desperation DDT. After a brief nap, the action resumed on the outside.Stasiak's looking everywhere for Mark Jindrak, as Johnny the Bull's just beating the tar out of him. Back into the ring, and the Bull's still on the offensive, nailing Stasiak right in the head with a spinning heel kick, and almost getting the pinfall. Stasiak rolls back outside, and is stlll looking for Jindrak. He passes ring announcer David Penzer, (who appears to be reading a newspaper,) and gets whipped twice into the steel guardrails. The Bull grabs a "for real" steel chair (heavyweight construction, padded seat and all) to wallop Stasiak with, but referee Scott James took it away from him. As the Bull moves in for the kill, Mark Jindrak appears in the crowd and wallops the Bull over the railing with a Big Right Hand.
Cut to back stage, where Big Vito's seen rushing to the ring to avenge this insult. He runs headlong into Rick Steiner, who punches him in return, and we've got a brawl backstage between THESE two guys! Back in the ring, just as Stasiak gets a near fall. He locks Johnny the Bull into a hangman's neckbreaker, and this time gets the pinfall. Post-match, Stasiak drops an autographed photo of himself on the prostrate carcass of Johnny the Bull. What, is he "marking his kills" now, like Bob Duvall in "Apocalypse Now?" Or maybe this is a scheme to get rid of the thousand or so still-unsold "Sean Stasiak" photos. Sigh. Still, it was a good match, if only because Johnny the Bull carried this goof the whole way!
Backstage, Vito and Rick Steiner are still going at it, even as WCW Security separates them.


Backstage, Shane Helms (with "dramatic lighting") stares off into space and talks about how his quest for the WCW Cruiserweight Title belt came this close to success at the WCW "Sin" PPV. Now, he's a "marked man", because he's the "next evolution" of the cruiserweight champion. He honors Jimmy hart for teaching him the business, and to recognize when opportunity knocks.

Hey, it's the Disqo Dancin' Machine a-comin' down the hallway. "Git on up, git on ...Whoa!"
This last is because Chuck Palumbo steps out of a dressing room and pins Disqo to the wall.
"Alex Wright told me what you said about me last night. So guess what? Tonight, you got ME in the ring!"
"SECURITY!" hollers Disqo.
Palumbo yanks Disqo's shades off him and hammers him into the wall again.
"And don't be surprised," rumbles Palumbo," when I stick that big beak of yours where the sun don't shine!" One more shove sends Disqo spinning into a stack of roadie cases.
"What'd Wright say? What'd he tell you?" whines Disqo, as Palumbo stalks away. "I gotta wrestle YOU tonight? I think my back problem has re-occurred! (Disqo's holding his back) OUCH! OUCH! O-O-O-OUCH!"
Mr. Cameraman does a quick pan of the fans at ringside, who all appear to be cheering like crazy over the upcoming match between Disqo and Chuck Palumbo.

Footage shows Konnan "stepping up" and walloping Team Canada for putting Kronik away at the top of Monday Nitro.
Backstage, Lance Storm and Mike Awesome of Team Canada discuss paybacks that are due Konnan. Awesome hasn't forgotten about what Konnan and the Filthy Animals did to his hair, or the Team Canada bus. Chuck Palumbo and Sean O'Haire get a mention as well.


Match #3: Shane Helms d. Johnny Swinger (w/Jason Lee), ("Vertebreaker" finisher/pin, 7:04)

Footage of Swinger and Lee's great match against Billy Kidman and Rey Mysterio Jr. on Nitro is shown. Shane Helms makes his entrance to some new music, as we see the Nitro footage of his match with former Three Count partner Shannon Moore. Tenay and Schiavone say that Three Count is dissolved for all intents and purposes, if you don't count the current teaming of Shannon Moore with Evan Karagias.
The match starts off with some grappling, and Swinger shoving Helms to the mat with authority. Helms is slow to get to hhis feet, as Swinger motions him to "come get some!" Collar-and-elbow into a headlock by Helms gets reversed by Swinger, who shoots Helms into the ring ropes, but misses a clothesline. Helms rebounds and hits a flying mare takedown. Another flying mare gets followed by a wristlock and an arm-wringer from Helms. Swinger punches Helms full in the face to break the hold. With left hands locked, both men begin hammering each other with right hand chops, punches, and forearm smashes. Headlock by Helms gets shoved off by Swinger into a cross-ring whip, but Helms hammers Swinger to the mat with a shoulder block. Helms trash-talks Swinger, then tries a springboard foot sweep, only to have his ankle seized by Jason Lee from outside the ropes. Helms pulls up, then bails out to chase Lee away. Referee Jamie Tucker separates the two, but Helms doesn't see Swinger coming up behind him until the last second. Fortunately he blocks Swinger's punch and lands a bunch of his own. Helms rolls Swinger back in the ring, but avoids Swinger's elbow drop by rolling back out himself. Helms' suplex over the top rope gets blocked, and Swinger goes for a suplex of his own. Helms rolls through it, and we get some good cross-ring switches and reverses before Helms hits what looks like a "skullbuster" ( an inverted facebuster) on Swinger. As Helms goes up top, Lee shakes the ring ropes, and Helms crotches himself on the top turnbuckle, then tumbles off to the mat. Swinger tosses Helms outside the ropes, where Jason Lee spins him HARD into the steel guardrail. Looks like the boys are following up on Chavo Guerrero's request to hurt Helms. Lee tosses Helms back in, where Swinger locks on a modified chickenwing, then does a Russian legsweep that sends Helms crashing to the mat. Helms gets a hotshot across the second rope by Swinger, who then cross-ring whips him into a sleeper hold, and everybody takes a breather. Helms gradually fights back out of the sleeper, and nails Swinger with a spinning neckbreaker and a near pin. Cross-ring whip by Helms, SUGAR SMACK! And down goes Swinger. Lee leaps up on the apron, as Helms goes up top. Helms sets, but launches himself onto Lee at ringside with a towering cross-body block. Helms climbs back up, and does the same cross-body block with Swinger as the target. Helms follows through with a quick roll-up for a pin attempt, but Swinger just keeps on rolling, and reverses into a pin attempt of his own. Swinger attempts a slingshot legdrop, but misses. Helms tries for the "Vertebreaker," but misses when Lee interferes once again. Helms hits the "Nightmare on Helms Street" on Lee, then nails Swinger with the "Vertebreaker" and gets the pinfall. Post-match, Chavo Guerrero's out for revenge, but Helms sees him coming. One back body drop from Helms spins Chavo out of the ring. As Helms leaves, Chavo starts berating Lee and Swinger for their failure. Brainbuster for Lee, and a slap across the chops for Swinger.

As Konnan heads for the ring, Sean O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo stop him to say that Ric Flair had banned them from ringside, so Konnan's on his own for the next match. Konnan's not pleased, but he guts it up, and continues on his way.


Match #4: Mike Awesome d. Konnan (Running "Awesome Bomb" finisher/pin, 5:23)

Sign in the crowd: Big Poppa Chump!

"Yo yo yo let me speak on this..." Y'all know the rest.

Mr. Cameraman spots a VERY attractive young lady at ringside.

Awesome zips down the ramp, submarines under the bottom rope into the ring, and gets right to work. There's a big shove, and Konnan winds up in a heap. Awesome starts hammering Konnan, then hits an Awesome Splash in the corner.
Cross-corner whip again, but Konnan gets his boots up, and Awesome eats a double helping of boot leather. Konnan follows up with a boot to the gut, and a DDT. Spinning scythe kick, and a face-buster attempt, but Awesome blocked it with a clothesline. After tossing Konnan to ringside, Awesome spun him into the steel guardrail. Konnan gets another pounding, while Awesome keeps trash-talking the fans, before rolling Konnan back into the ring. German suplex by Awesome, and a near fall. Awesome's getting heated as he keeps pounding on Konnan, then slams him into the corner, and leans a Big Boot across Konnan's throat. Referee "Slick" Johnson's trying to pull Awesome's boot off Konnan's neck, but Awesome won't be budged. He finally breaks the chokehold, then steps back to bask in the heel heat. Cross-ring whip by Awesome, who nails Konnan with a flying lariat on the rebound. Cover, but konan gets an arm across the ropes. Reverse chinlock by Awesome almost looks like a Tazzmission, but Konnan won't give up. Awesome goes up top for a towering Awesome Splash, but misses when Konnan rolls out of the way. Konnan sets up his "Rolling Thunder" clothesline series. Oops, Konnan gets distracted by crowd heat, and Awesome is waiting for him when he gets back to business. Awesome naios Konnan with an Awesome Kick, then wins with his fearsome running Awesome Bomb.
Good match with a clean finish. Looks like Mike Awesome is finally getting the push he deserves.


Backstage, Disqo's running around frantically looking for some help to get out of his match with Chuck Palumbo.
What he gets, poor soul, is Totally Buff. Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell goof on Disqo for a bit, but eventually get persuaded that they should help Disqo against Palumbo to improve their chances of victory over Palumbo and O'Haire at the Greed PPV.

Booker T gets the "Pulp Fiction" video treatment.
Match #5: Chuck Palumbo d. Disqo, ("Jungle Kick" finisher/pin, 4:40)

Jeez, Disqo looks like he just got tossed out of the Village People...
"Disqo's in the Ho-o-o-u-use! Hey, why don't you people show some class and SHUT UP while I'm talkin'?"
...although he is a hoot to listen to on the stick!
We learn, much to our collective surprise and disbelief, that Disqo is the most feared and respected man in the WCW locker room, and the best wrestler in WCW. By his own admission, you understand.
Chuck Palumbo gets the sharp edge of Disqo's tongue, (and what a disturbing image THAT is!) with Disqo trashing both Palumbo and Palumbo's freakin' PARENTS! " you're gonna learn your lesson the hard way! Because I... got it like that!"
Jeez, does this guy have a BOOK of these snappy closing comments?

Out comes Palumbo, with rage in his heart. Disqo's unconcerned, since he had his little talk with Totally Buff. BIG mistake!

"Even though Disqo is a big mouth..." says Tony Schiavone.
"Right!" says Tenay.
"Even though he's a lame brain..." says Tony.
"Amen!" says Tenay.
"Even though nobody likes him..."
"Testify, bruthuh!," says Tenay.
"I don't think you can deny that Disqo has a lot where it counts as a wrestler!"
"Uhhh, can I get back to you on that?" says Tenay.

Referee Charles Robinson signals for the bell, and we are underway.

"You know," says Tenay, "Konnan was talking about uniting the WCW locker room. Well, there's one thing that already unites the WCW locker room. They ALL HATE DISQO!"

Disqo starts off with a collar-and-elbow into a wristlock, that Palumbo powers out of by shoving Disqo into the near corner. As Robinson tries to separate the two, Disqo kicks Palumbo right in the mallomars, then goes for a shoulder block that sends Palumbo crashing to the mat.
Drop kick by Palumbo, followed by a big Samoan Drop that would have made Meng proud. Palumbo then hits Disqo one good wallop with the flat of his hand, and spins him over the ropes and down to the floor. Palumbo hammers on Disqo, before tossing him back in the ring. As Palumbo climbs back in, Disqo kicks the middle rope hard, snapping it against Palumbo's crotch! Ouch! Disqo Dancin' Machine fires up, then nails Palumbo with a swinging neckbreaker, getting a near fall. Disqo's trying to slow Palumbo down by hammering him in the small of the back. Snap clothesline and a pin attempt, but Palumbo kicks out, and Disqo goes back to work on Palumbo's back. Headlock by Disqo, but Palumbo powers out. Disqo counters with a hairpull, then goes to Stomp City on Palumbo. More dancing, only this time, Palumbo rolls him into a small package, nearly getting a pinfall. After a chinlock by Disqo, Palumbo powers out. Disqo counters with a nasty-looking clothesline, and a cover, 1,2, Palumbo gets a shoulder up. Solid punch to the forehead by Disqo, and another near fall. Disqo's pounding away on Palumbo's head, then hits a wind-up slingshot fist off the ropes to Palumbo's forehead, and another near fall. Russian legsweep by Disqo, who goes up to the middle turnbuckle. A flying elbow misses when Palumbo rolls away. Totally Buff arrives at this point, which gets Palumbo hollering at them to come get some. Palumbo dominates the match from this point, as Totally Buff are totally content to stand at ringside and let Disqo take the all the punishment Palumbo can dish out. Disqo gets pounded on some more, then gets tossed into the corner. Disqo hits
Palumbo with a forearm smash, but gets walloped when Palumbo retaliates, and then finishes him off with the Jungle Kick, getting the pinfall. Post-match, Totally Buff storm the ring and start clobbering Chuck Palumbo. Out comes Sean O'Haire to even the odds, and the WCW Tag Champs begin to dominate. That is, until Rick Steiner comes out to swing the odds back in favor of Totally Buff. Which brings out Big Vito, who we are informed, has a match tonight with Rick Steiner as a result of the fracas backstage earlier this evening. Mr. Timekeeper's just beating the hell out of the ring-bell, and referee Charles Robinson's the odd man out in this Pier Six brawl as we go to


Back to the arena, where the Pier Sixer is still going on. Totally Buff are running for their lives, and being hotly pursued by O'Haire and Palumbo. Back in the ring we've got

Match #6: Rick Steiner d. Big Vito, ("Steiner (Death Valley) Driver"/pin, 4:07)

Steiner's on his feet, and Vito's on the mat. Steiner drops a BIG elbow into Vito's "in-seam" area, which Vito sells like he's just gotten mule-kicked. Steiner starts digging at Vito's eyes, which referee Billy Silverman is quick to break up. Vito's swinging wildly at anything, as he tries to clear his eyesight. Steiner punches him one right in the face, then rolls him out of the ring for some more punishment. Vito finally gets his eyesight back, and hammers Steiner three times in the head with a Big Right Hand. (Yeah, like THAT's gonna work!) A whip into the steel guardrail gets reversed, and Vito eats the steel instead of Steiner. The Dog-Faced Gremlin goes right back to digging at Vito's eyes. Vito manages to keep him at bay with a couple of punches and a kick to the breadbasket. A punch in Steiner's throat gets Vito a boot in the gut. Steiner then pinions Vito with a wrap-around choke hold with the steel ring-post as an added feature. Silverman digs Vito out, and Steiner goes right back to pounding on Vito. Steiner is being VERY deliberate here with his moves, as he bounces Vito's head off the steel steps. The DFG's breathing hard as he tosses Vito back into the ring. Steiner goes for a cover, after growling at referee Silverman to "Count it right!" 1,2, Vito gets a shoulder up! As Vito tries to roll away, Steiner hooks him into a camel clutch. Vito powers out of the hold up to his feet, then hits a jaw-jacker on Steiner to escape.
Vito staggers to his feet in the near corner, then nails Steiner right in the face with a Mafia Kick. Boot to Steiner's gut by Vito, followed by a butterfly suplex, and a scoopslam. Vito goes up top, and hits a HUGE flying elbow drop with Rick Steiner at ground zero. Vito does a strange half-way pin, hooking Steiner's near leg, and predictably, Steiner kicks out. Cross-ring whip by Vito gets reversed, and Steiner rolls him into a Steinerline and gets a near pin. Steiner hits a top-rope bulldog on Vito, who, amazingly kicks out! Steiner hits his Steiner Driver on Vito, but pulls up off the pin to hit another Steiner Driver, and gets the win. Post-match, Steiner hits the Steiner Driver twice more on Vito before exiting the ring.


We come back to a "Pulp Fiction" video montage of the battle between Kanyon and Citizen Cat. Looks like they looped a section because we see the same sequence twice in a row!

All together now...


Match #7: Booker T d. Scott Steiner, (interference by Rick Steiner/DQ, 4:25)

As Booker T makes his entrance, we get footage from Nitro of Booker T's victory over World Champ Scott Steiner.
Steiner comes out, and starts threatening fans along the rampway. Somebody spat a BIG loogie on Steiner's back, which really sets him off! He rounds on whoever did it and lunges for the poorly-named safety railing. Fans are ducking out of the way, as Steiner stops JUST short of the railing and cusses them something fierce! Yep, Big Poppa Pump's developing into quite a showman, all right! After a tour of ringside, spreading abuse to all within the sound of his voice, Steiner climbs into the ring. Booker T's staring at Steiner with an intensity hot enough to melt steel. Steiner charging the ring, runs into a HYPERTENSE Booker T. Booker's just pounding the tar out of Steiner with lefts, rights, and forearm smashes. Gigantic left uppercut connects, (Yikes, that looked REAL!) rocking Steiner back on his heels. Steiner, desperate to regain control, hits a kneelift. A bodyslam follow-up gets countered by Booker T backslide. Cross-ring whip by Steiner, who connects with a shoulder block, but Booker T's not to be denied, and hammers Steiner with a Bionic Elbow, tumbling him out of the ring. At ringside, Steiner's busy "shaking the dizzies" off, then gets involved in a cuss-fight with some fans on the railing. Man, you just KNOW he's havin' fun with this heel heat he's getting! Stener heads back to the ring, pausing on the top steps to shout a blistering reply to a particularly nasty taunt from some fan. As Booker T moves in, Steiner takes control with a Big Boot, then jams Booker T in the corner with alternating throat chops and forearm smashes across the back. Cross-corner whip, but Booker clotheslines Steiner. Sidewalk Slam by Booker T, and a near fall. Booker T drove Steiner into the corner with punches and forearm smashes. Steiner hits a power surge, bearhugs Booker T, lifts him up and crotches him on the top rope. Snap clothesline by Steneir tumbles Booker T off the rope. Cross-ring whip, and another clothesline from Steiner. Bicep kiss elbow drop, and Steienr does a warm-up set of push-ups. Backbreaker by Steiner, followed by a cross-corner whip. Belly-to-belly suplex but no success on the following pin attempt on Booker T. Stiff sidekick sends Booker T through the ropes, and the action's outside the ring. Steiner whips Booker T intro the steel guardrail, then rolls him back in the ring, trash-talking Booker as he does. Roll-up by Steienr, but he only gets another near fall. Steiner starts cussing out referee Mickey Jay for the supposed slow count, then whips Booker T across the ring. Steiner's clothesline misses the mark, but Booker T nails him with a Harlem Sidekick. Booker T's pin attempt fails, and he went back up top again. Steienr sees what's coming, and crotches Booker T on the top turnbuckle. Frankensteiner attempt gets foiled when Booker T shoves Steiner off the top turnbuckle, then hammers him with a towering missile dropkick, only to get a near fall again. BIG forearm smash slams Steiner to the mat, and Booker goes for another cover,1,2, Steiner gets a shoulder up! "Book End" finisher on the way, but Steiner looks Awful Danger right in the face, and shoves Booker T off. Steinerplex gets blocked by Booker T...AXE KICK! Steiner's done for today. This brings the Dog-Faced Gremlin to save Big Poppa Pump from the ignominy of losing to Booker T AGAIN. Well, Mickey Jay sees Rick Steiner enter the ring, and calls the disqualification, so booker T wins anyway. Booker T is about to get Steinerized REAL BAD, when out comes Diamond Dallas Page for the save. Diamond Cutter to Rick Steiner, which the big hump DFG nearly no-sells. BIG Diamond Cutter with two snaps and a flourish on Big Poppa Pump, as the rest of the Flair Faction charges the ring to save their meal ticket (Scott Steiner), and his sack-lunch brother. Booker T and DDP bail out and flee through the crowd as the Magnificent Seven puff and wheeze their way into the ring. Lex Luger's puffing like a racehorse, and Buff Bagwell nearly decapitates himself on the bottom rope as he submarines into the ring.
Cue DDP's new signature tag-line: "Hey, Steiner! I'm still standing! BANG!" forest of fan hands make the "Diamond Cutter" sign.

Closing credits.
Good show, and a great follow-up to Monday's Nitro. Booker T's return has enough steam to support the main "Magnificent Seven" story arc for a couple more weeks 'til the "Greed" PPV rolls around. Best Match of the night was Helms/Swinger, with the Cruiserweight Tourney match a close second. Kudos to Konnan for putting Mike Awesome over, and giving a long-overdue jump-start to his push again. Awesome needs to be top-card NOW, as does Lance Storm. Dud Match Dis-honors go to the Rick Steiner-Big Vito fiasco. Folks, Big Vito is fast becoming the worker most turned to when some undeserving goof's career needs a push. It was Rick Steiner this week, like it was Shawn Stasiak last week. This is a waste of a good wrestler with exceptional talent and a good gimmick. Speaking of Stasiak, a special kudos to Johnny the Bull for carrying the "Mecca of Manhood" this week. My comments about Big vito apply here as well. Stasiak's workrate is dreadful, and he's poison for any wrestler who climbs into the ring with him. Mark Jindrak needs to be distancing himself from this guy, and soon. Finally, a special thank you to, believe it or not, Disqo, for adding push to Chuck Palumbo, and indirectly, to Sean O'Haire. Good job, sir!
We saw 43 minutes and 22 seconds of actual in-ring action, up almost ten minutes from last week's figures. All story arcs are progressing nicely, though Sean O'Haire and Mike Awesome need more push, and we didn't see Lance Storm or, good grief, Jeff Jarrett, except in cameo roles.
Well, at least we didn't see the Harris Boys either.
Thank God for small favors!

See you next week.

E.C. Ostemeyer
[slash] wrestling

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