/12 August 1999
|Guest columnist: Usenet's mdb|
First, shame on you for saying in your Nitro report that the fans where
chanting USA! for the Mexicans. Eddy is a gringo born in Texas and
everything I've seen says Rey was born in California. I expect a
correction in your next Nitro report.
Be sure to hold your breath waiting for that correction, 'cause it was A JOKE. - CRZ
And even though you didn't ask for it, if you want to run it:
CRZ didn't ask me to do this THUNDER! report, but I did it anyway. Why? Because I can! CRZ will post anyone writing anything about wrestling! Or will he? Try it yourself and find out!
THUNDER! opens with highlights from last year's Road Wild, including the triple table bump that Hackman Ollie gave like 10 bucks for seeing, (you can check out http://twc-online.com/Hack-Man/Wrestling/ for more details) Meng vs. Barbarian, and the falls count anywhere match between Raven/Saturn/Kanyon that never really went anywhere. And then to prove they still don't get it, clips of Leno. The horror!
Rick Steiner comes out. He's the bully of the block, blah blah Goldberg's a baldheaded dirtball blah bah catchphrase catchphrase. He wrestles Spyder, the guy who used to be EDDY~!'s bodyguard, a fact that in wonderful WCW fashion, has been ignored. Opening offense of the match is punch, punch, steinerline, and Steiner barking to taunt Spyder. Woof, woof. It doesn't really get better than that. Steiner pulls up the safety mats outside the ring and piledrives Spyder on the concreate. Doesn't sound bad, but somehow it was. And not just because *anyone* pulling up mats to execute a move on the concreate is going to pale in comparasion to Vader/Cactus Jack. Steiner calls Goldberg's name as he punches and chokes Spyder. No one in the crowd cares. WCW is in SERIOUS need of some real heels. Actually, they already got some guys who can do it, Raven and Vampiro just to name a few. But like Jericho, they're just midcarders I suppose. About four minutes in we get a top rope clothesline (called a reversed bulldog by Tenay who I guess is shooting for Tony's Nitro spot now that Hudson has proved he's too good for the job) and what's probably the single worse submission move ever. Here, I'm going to bend your elbow the way it's supposed to bend across my knee. Or something like that. If anyone can explain it to me I'm open to hear it.
Jimmy Hart w/ Bigg Sexxy tshirt and Brian Knobbs talk about the Road Wild main event, Nash vs. Hogan. The switchboards are lighting up as I type! Nash better get over his case of Monster Truck Madness. Madness?
Hulk's kid's is named Nicholas. Replay of the Hogan bits from Nitro. What classic foreshadowing of the red and yellow return. I'm just glad they did it at Nitro, because I figured "Hollywood" Hogan was going to get retired at Road Wild and "Hulk" Hogan was going to make his redebut the next night. If low ratings mean no Hogan and BENOIT~! holding the US title, then I hope Raw continues to double Nitro every week.
Replay of BENOIT~!'s US title win. Everyone's talking about how this was meant to appease us internet smart's who are such huge Benoit marks. Are you kidding? We won't be satisfied until he's held the belt for six months and made Savage and Sting and Hall and first of all Page submit. If he drops it this Saturday or never beats any "big names" it doesn't matter that he's now a US champ. btw, I'd like to point out that so long as Benoit keeps it under 60 seconds, he can mic just fine.
Replay of Sid's wonderful interview from last week. I really wish Sid would start saying "In the year 2000" in a falsetto voice like they do in the skits on Conan O'Brien. Any mention of millennium requires a mention of the Y2J, Chris Jericho. I think Rock vs. Jericho has already won RSPW's feud of the year. I guess I can last until he returns to WCW to wrestle Chris Benoit for the World title 3 years from now to see any Jericho **** matches and be content with the **** interviews in the meantime.
Sid vs. Disorderly Conduct. Forearms, boot to the face, punches to the face, powerbomb. DC are really taking it to Sid! Just kidding. Sid gets the pin on one with the powerbomb then chokeslams the other. Match wastes under 2 minutes. Segment wastes oh so many more minutes. Sid talks to the camera postmatch. It's a real shame I didn't bother to transcribe it. If not for pro wrestling and softball, I bet Sid could have been a modern day Shakespeare. Such eloquence!
Stevie Rey has nothing consequential to say about the Road Wild PPV.
WCWSN has Mickey Whipwreck, Kidman, Disco Inferno, and a Rey vs. Vampiro main event. Why am I wasting my time with this show?
Replay of the Nitro Deadpool vs. Filthy Animal melees. If you could replace ICP with like say Saturn, this would be like the coolest feud going today, at least until the Egos that Be kill it for being too good and too over. Raven should keep the stubble but lose the face paint.
In exchange for holding the US title for 5 days, Benoit has to pimp the Nash v. Hogan match as the biggest WCW title match ever.
In the Thunder Ringside Release segment, Page hypes his First Daughter movie. Just be glad WCW isn't trying to turn the movie into a wrestling angle. Opps! I didn't just give someone an idea did I?
WCW replays their Road Wild clip package. This is lame, even by WCW standards. They couldn't bother to put together a seperate clip package from a Road Wild event where a talk show host didn't headline?
Replay of the Harlem Heat story. Let me give this piece of free advice, put Vicious and Delicious back together. They'd be great as a third prong in a tag title war. Do I give WCW way too much credit in thinkig perhaps this is already the plan and they foreshadowed it this past Nitro?
Replay of Booker v. Kanyon. Ok, two weeks ago they had the Fit injury excuse for all this replay crap. This is just pathetic.
Rednecks vs. Revolution at Road Wild. Boy, that's teaching the old guys at the top of the card!
Malenko and Douglas vs. the Barry Windham and Duncum Jr. Malenko and Windham start with Deano getting most of the offense, arm drags and the like. A minute later Douglas and Duncum tangle and before anything really develops, commercial break! Duncum avoids Malenko's TEXAS cloverleaf as we returno. Dean was using psychology on the Rednecks don't you know! Windham takes over with a few suplexes on Dean. Heat segment on Dean. Luke warm tag as I wonder how well the nWo would have done if their takeover had started with competitive matches against the Dungeon of Doom. I'm not saying you book Malenko over Nash, but come on. The match breaks down in the most undramatic fashion leading to the Pittsburgh Plunge for the win. The Rednecks end up dominating the post match brawl. Saturn fails to make the save and Benoit is I guess too busy polishing the US belt to help out.
Page has nothing worthwhile to say about Hogan vs. Nash. You know what might have been interesting? If Hogan and Nash talked about their match and let these other guys talk about their matches.
Hogan and Nash recap. I wonder if the WWF would have gotten the spark to start their dominance if they hadn't screwed up Sting's wold title reign. I mean, in most ways it seems inevitable that WCW would fall, but what if Sting had done a real title reign? It was in the aftermath of the Sting/Savage/Hogan debacle that Nitro started losing in the ratings. The few times since they won was Goldberg's world title win over Hogan and the last Nitro rating win (I looked it up) was where they had the Page v. Goldberg PPV mach on Nitro due to technically difficulties from the night before and a Page v. Bret main event. WCW has the parts to win if they'd put them together right.
Recap of Savage/Rodman. Savage vs. Koughrageious. Evan gets mic time! Mona is like a sister to him! Evan tells Macho he should treat them right! No disrespect , to ya Macho, of course. Macho gives props to the young kid for being so outspoken. Hey, remember when Buff and Savage had something of a feud going in a young vs. old feud? I don't either. Savage does many elbow drops on Evan, Mona who came out in appreciation of Evan's kind words, can't hold back Mahch. Mona limps off as ref Boone jumps on Savage's back and PUNCHES! Savage. Weak shots to Randy's shoulder, but still, something I've never a ref do before.
Hey, Thunder is going to end with the six man tag from Nitro! Alright, I was digging the Deadpool vs. Smiley and Prince and...er wait. It's the Hogan, Sting, Goldberg vs. Nash, Sid, Steiner thing? *sigh* I guess we don't get to see David with bodyguard Meng match I'd read about on the net. I assume the show is done, and come this time next season, that may have a second meaning. I don't know if the WWF will stay hot for another year, but if this is Thunder, I can't see how it'll survive.
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